Living aboard for the first time and turns out I don't like it at all
Posted by afterlovehasgone@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 149 comments
I moved to Netherland from South Korea 3 weeks ago. I've always dreamed of life in another country and when I finally have my gut to decide it, I was really excited.
but From the day 1 I arrive at Netherland, I'm struggling with visa(People says my case is very unfortunate and there's very low possibility it happens, but when it happens to you, it's 100%.) and racism, sexism.
Few days ago One person who was riding bicycle spit on me. I've heard Ni hao and Ching chang chong more than 5 times for 3 weeks. One guy followed me and threatened me. I heard several cat callings. Also This is not related to me, but I saw one car hit two guys intentionally and car driver punched them 5 meters away from me. Ofc cops were involved. This is not the life what I expected. + I'm living in very central & safe area in One of the biggest city and my white roommate said she never experienced this kind of things.
I'm very friendly person who likes to hang out with people, but this city just makes me keep rbf, walking fast being nervous. I don't know if this is normal process until you get used to when you move to new country.
I have a boyfriend in other Europe country and I spent 6 month in there total. I thought that country is fine, but Now I'm afraid that maybe that country is same if I live there for real. We were thinking that I'll move the country if we get married, but now I'm reconsidering that idea and doesn't wanna do it anymore.
I'm getting realized that I'm the kind of person who needs family and friends. I'm so lonely and feel like I can't share these difficulties in my life with anyone. I was sharing my feelings with my boyfriend and yesterday he told me that he can't deal with me saying I wanna die. I totally understand him feeling abused by hearing that I wanna die, but that's what I'm trying to do these days. Keep myself alive even when the situation feels awful.
I'm trying to find friends and talk to people, but everyone seems like they don't wanna be friends with me. Now I'm even more disoriented and just go to library day by day, only studying.
I really don't like myself right now and wanna know if this feeling go away in few months. Is it normal to feel in this way if you live abroad first time in your life? How long should I wait until I get used to everything?
I'm confused and desperate. Please give me any advice.
Sinbreak01@reddit
Head back home and be with your family and friends. Your health and peace of mind are worth more than what you’re going through. This isn’t the right place for you and the ones around you right now are not helping things.
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
I know that's also an option, but I wanna know if this is normal feeling for everyone if they move aboard for the first time. cuz When I see other people's blog and stuffs, they always says they're so happy and excited with new country. I want to know how long does it take to go away this feelings.
Professional_Ad_6462@reddit
Think you have to have a thick skin as an expat. The only place I lived where I didn’t witness casual racism was San Francisco Bay Area. In Europe working class port cities are the worst. Visit Marseilles for the ultimate in violent s..T holes.
But your country is not immune and it can be expressed violently. I lived in Korea three years working for a large famous Korean industrial giant.
I am a very tall Danish guy and dated a beautiful tall Korean (Han) girl we obviously stool out. Especially at night when Korean men have spent hours drinking we would be confronted by men usually just verbally but on two occasions was physically assaulted. We were both black belts in Tai Kwon Do so it didn’t go well for the men. So we were the victim of overt violent Racism. I think the reason we broke up was if we moved to North America or Europe she felt this would just continue.
Potential-Ear-9972@reddit
wait..she has a black belt?
SweetAlyssumm@reddit
It's not normal for people to yell ching chang chong. It sounds awful.
proof_required@reddit
These things are not such a rare occurrence not only in Netherlands but around Europe. There was this video circulating around where bunch of white German boomers were doing ching-chong and making slit eyes while she was vlogging.
https://youtu.be/0vd4hnR4Wi0?si=U3pOCv4iNuWjGi7b
khelwen@reddit
Unfortunately, that generation also used ching, chang, chong for rock, paper, scissors. Kids today use schnick, schnack, schnook. However, my kid’s grandfather still uses the first one when he plays. We’ve asked him not to and explained why it’s bad, but I’m assuming he rolls his eyes at us when our backs are turned.
prooijtje@reddit
Coming from a Dutchman, that sadly is quite "normal" in the Netherlands if you're Asian. I'm white and even had people yell it at me when I was speaking Korean with a friend on the street.
Flat_Ad1094@reddit
It's extremely racist. As an Australian. That hasn't been acceptable here for 40 years or more.
Fiona-eva@reddit
So racism isn’t frowned upon much?
WestDeparture7282@reddit
No, it's not. It's rampant at Dutch workplaces. International working environments are better at curbing it.
prooijtje@reddit
I don't think people really consider whether it's racist or not. "It's just a stupid joke, ignore it." is something I expect people to advice.
But obviously that doesn't really help when people like OP experience the same 'joke' day after day.
Rare_Performer_944@reddit
you picked the wrong place to move to, obviously. it’s not about living abroad you moved to where the racists are you
Sinbreak01@reddit
Listen to your gut and your intuition. You’ve said yourself what you need. The internet is a not real place, so don’t count on other’s experiences to be a real reflection of things and what’s possible for you. You need to reassess what you want from moving to a new country, which should be you and you alone benefitting from the pull factors of the country. So, listen to your gut and head back home.
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
There's no one in my family and friends who ever wanted to live aboard that I don't really have anyone to ask opinion or share the scared feelings. so I guess I wanted to hear some opinion here. Thanks for your advice.
littletomato93@reddit
I’m same as you, no one in my family lived abroad or even wanted to. After I moved to another country I got some online psychological counselling. Wanting to die is a strong feeling don’t ignore it. Upon the suggestion of my therapist I tried to make some friends, it took me 7 months to digest all the moving. Now I’m in my fourth year, my friends helped me a lot to went through all. Living in a different country helped me to grow a lot, but I still want to go back. Family is important for me, and there is nothing wrong with it if you feel the same way.
tfirstdayz@reddit
Every time i move, it's a big ordeal getting settled, but i get better at it as time goes on. When i got where I live now, I was asked by a customer to sit outside at a hookah lounge because its "locals only," I'm didn't mind because I don't know the rules, so I just said keep it to the server and left. There are invisible rules that you need to chill out and learn and it's fun. Being mocked on the street wouldn't sit right with me though
unseemly_turbidity@reddit
It's normal to feel lonely at first but it's not normal to want to die. You should talk to a doctor about your mental health if you're not heading home immediately.
zvdyy@reddit
Normal.
You are in a foreign country that operates in a different culture and language and without any family. If a Dutch girl came to Korea without any family and friends and not knowing Korean how would you think she would struggle? Or is it just a bed or roses?
Schopenhauer-420@reddit
That's not a great example because the Dutch girl wouldn't feel like a second class citizen (although she may feel out of place). Being white in Korea vs being Asian in Europe is quite different.
zvdyy@reddit
I agree and I don't mean to mean it as an exact analogy. But not knowing Korean in Korea will make one feel very out of place, and not even being able to function there.
Schopenhauer-420@reddit
Yes it is a normal feeling. Homesickness eventually sets in at one point or another until it disappears again.
Humblebrag1987@reddit
Incredibly normal, especially in the first few weeks or months. You'll grow from it and you'll be happy to persevere for a while.
Anecdotally... my first months in Shanghai were so overwhelming. I had a similar experience that I look on so fondly 15 years later... I got off the subway one stop too early to go to Ikea (might not have been Ikea, something like that), so I decided to walk to see the area. A guy with a girl on the back of his moped did a couple loops to stay near me and shouted 'Mei Guo Go Home!'
I had a blast in China, ate amazing food for 2 years, saved a bunch of money, had some cool friendships and relationships, learned a decent amount of Mandarin and explored so much of the interior regions and cities.
GeneralRaspberry8102@reddit
Maybe they are lying? I know people on social media almost NEVER lie. But maybe they are saying what others want to hear in order to make money?
WestDeparture7282@reddit
It's normal for a lot of people to have an adjustment period and it's almost always longer than 3 weeks.
Comparison is the thief of joy, so I would first get off social media, stop reading other people's experiences, and go make your own life on your terms without having to check against other people's to see if you're "doing it right".
The cool thing about moving abroad is that you tried it and you can always go back!
The Netherlands is just starting to wake up for the year, with sun and longer days (this weekend's weather notwithstanding) so go out there and look for things to do! Can you ask your roommate to tag along or something? Maybe you can go to ikea together and just wander around and look at all the stuff? Go get a basketball and play HORSE, I don't know!
(I'm bored too so some of these ideas are me reminding myself to get out of the house and do things).
Rustykilo@reddit
It’s normal. Moving to another country isn’t easy. Plus you are in Europe. Racism and xenophobia is pretty bad right now there. You aren’t the only Asian that has posted about racism there. If you go to Netherland sub or any other European sub you’ll see similar posts to yours. I’ve experienced it myself too. But in another European country. Sucks but it’s the reality
DutchieinUS@reddit
It is very normal to feel lonely and out of place if you’ve only moved here 3 weeks ago. I am sorry for the bad encounters you had..
DannyFlood@reddit
South Korea also isn't the best place for mental health either unfortunately... Family is very judgmental and friends are distant. It's the highest suicide rate country in Asia.
optic-opal@reddit
Hi. I'm very sorry for what you are going through.
I am not from East Asia, so I cannot relate to the specific experiences of racism you are dealing with. However, I did experience some similar shocks when moving to Germany for the first time a few years ago, including harassment by weird men. And I did feel the feeling of being alone, not knowing where my place was, etc.
Living abroad is an adjustment, and you will need to build thicker skin. 3 weeks is a short time, don't give up yet.
It is common to feel depressed and isolated when moving away from home for the first time, especially to a new country, with a new language, new culture and new people. If your situation is getting very bad, try to find a therapist who you can talk to about this. It sounds like your mental health is being very severely affected.
As difficult as it is, try to take your experiences as just experiences. Don't let them affect your self-confidence. The things that happened to you are not your fault, there is nothing wrong with you, there are bad people everywhere. The environment you live in may not be very progressive, accept it as a temporary situation. Once you are better adjusted you can plan to go elsewhere. Maybe you can move cities in the Netherlands after some time, or simply go to a different country. Do not be afraid, you have to be strong to live abroad and you are in charge of your future!
Make some time to talk to your family or friends in South Korea to have a piece of home, if possible. It will cheer you up.
TechPsych@reddit
u/afterlovehasgone
I don't have time to read the 141 comments that preceded me, so please forgive me if someone has already said what came to mind when I read your post.
First, that you say you want to die is very concerning. Please contact a suicide hotline - even online in South Korea -- to talk with someone. If necessary, go to a hospital and tell them you want to die. Look for a suicide hotline in the Netherlands if language barriers aren't an issue.
Next, I've never been to South Korea, but I've been to the Netherlands numerous times. My hunch is that it's a MASSIVE culture shock and will take quite some time to adjust. Also, I know several people who have moved to the Netherlands and they've all said it was a much harder adjustment than they anticipated. Including the people who moved there from Britain.
Third, it's been only three weeks. It takes months to adjust to moving - even in your own country.
Next, though many people dislike Facebook, many groups use it to organize information and activities. Look there, or here on Reddit, for expats in Rotterdam or for groups specific to your interests. That will help you meet people with whom you automatically have something in common.
Finally, you can always go home. Before you do, though, envision yourself five, ten, or twenty years from now - and at the end of your life. What will you wish you had done before, or instead of, going home?
Best of luck to you!
unicorntearsffff@reddit
Well at least you can dump the guy and not move wherever he is. Tbh, all people are exhausting worldwide. Xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic, nasty suckers. I would finish up whatever you're working on and move back home to level out your emotions first. Wanting to experience other countries is fine, but always remember where your heart is. I implore you to travel as much as possible while you're young, but don't worry about putting roots down anywhere until you are middle aged. You are worried about things you don't need to be worrying about. Instead of fretting, just sit down and relax, even if it's at a library. Everyone else having a bad day and doing bad stuff around you is THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS. Make sure to self reflect often. Meditate on YOUR happiness, not someone else's idea of happiness.
Only_Employment9454@reddit
Being an asian anywhere in europe will give you such experiences. There is a reason asians prefer a move to north america not there. Europeans are 100 times more racist toward asians whether they accept it or not. I would move back to Korea if I were you. Staying there will truly damage your mental health
rainzephyr@reddit
Not only Asians, Europeans are extremely racist and unwelcoming to anyone who isn’t white. I moved from America to Europe and I regret it so much (due to all the racism) that I’m going to move back asap.
JurgusRudkus@reddit
I’m so sorry.
DannyFlood@reddit
They are xenophobic towards Americans too. Europeans seem to hate everybody who isn't them
tri_art_@reddit
Is there a reason why Europeans are more racist towards Asians generally?
I ask because I felt the same sentiments as OP. I'm an Asian American and just spent 3 weeks in Europe (Italy and UK) and dealt with so many racist remarks from so many individuals, that it's affected my idea about whether or not I want to live in the EU at some point.
prooijtje@reddit
Coming from a Dutchman, the sentiment among those people seems to be that they're "just joking", since afaik most of it is them yelling "ching Chong" at people or doing that thing where you're making 'Asian eyes' by pulling on your eyes a bit.
JurgusRudkus@reddit
Jesus Christ is everyone in the Netherlands ten years old?
DannyFlood@reddit
Jokes are supposed to be funny and that's not. It's pathetic.
Collinemila@reddit
I think racism is the same to all culture but asian are less scary for them, and they can “imitate” slander eyes, while they can’t imitate darker skin.. un till u see black faces for their zwart pit 😭😭
they may actually integrate you more in work environment than a Marrocan person. But show more to you that you look different.
As a woman you will get fetishized more if you are asian looking.
They have a pretty big history of colonialism. So basically they feel superior to anyone around not looking locals, I had the same exp in korea to be honest 😂.
To be an expat you have to accept many ppl are ignorant
Find educated locals, or some who have traveled (there are many and they are more open minded) try to ignore the asholes or call them white sticks ^_^
ntygby@reddit
Really in UK? I'm asian-american and have spent 8 weeks in the UK (mostly Scotland) over 3 trips and never had issues, definitely got some stupid comments in Amsterdam.
foundalltheworms@reddit
I’m from UK and it can depend, one of my friends from China has never really had anything said to them, but my parents ethnically Vietnamese friend still has a lot of racism targeted at him especially by drunk people in the street. It can depend on what environment you are in sadly, and also where you are in the countries.
bruhbelacc@reddit
Europeans =/= European hooligans, but still, I think the reason is that Asians are unlikely to respond. East Asians in the Netherlands are considered hard-working and law-abiding, unlike some other minorities, but you will not see people attacking those other minorities verbally on the street. For example, Moroccans or refugees.
nayanexx@reddit
Yes, otherwise they will get bombed LOL
bruhbelacc@reddit
I see you have fun with terrorism.
Only_Employment9454@reddit
Where do you think that white supremacist sentiment in the us originally came from lol
nayanexx@reddit
OMG! And it seems they don’t even realise they are being colonised by Muslins. Seriously, if you walk around De Mervart, Amsterdam West, you only see women walking with burkas and scarfs… It got me thinking If I were in Iran or in the Netherlands. It’s shocking.
expats-ModTeam@reddit
Posts must follow the site wide content policy. Notably, this means no doxxing, no illegal content, and no harassment, bullying, or hate speech.
Violations of the content policy may result in bans and reports to the reddit admins.
SpeedySparkRuby@reddit
You just proved their point. Maybe treat your fellow neighbors as people and not ostracize them because they dress differently from you.
Anansi44@reddit
This is all kinds of messed up. My advice would be to leave Europe and return back to South Korea. You shouldn’t have to deal with a bunch of racist idiots, or an uncaring partner who doesn’t seem to understand what you’re going through. Give yourself a clean slate and start again back home
bruhbelacc@reddit
Are you in Rotterdam? It's not a good city.
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
Yes, I'm in Rotterdam. Maybe My experience would be different if I were other city.🥲
Historical-View647@reddit
It will be even worse in the Veluwe area, trust me.
the_aegean@reddit
>I really don't like myself right now and wanna know if this feeling go away in few months.
It probably won't go away on its own. But you can learn to accept some things, and over time, you may feel less depressed. Since you mentioned this is your first time abroad, I’m going to assume you had an idealized image of living in another country (like many people do), and the reality of being a migrant didn’t match your expectations. That was certainly my experience when I first moved abroad. You're not the only one who feels this way.
You basically have three options:
Competitive_Ad303@reddit
You could better, if you can afford it, live in the little villages close by Rotterdam. You could live in a village that has a straight train connection to rotterdam, so you don't have to switch trains.
Probably a lot less racism and a lot more safer than rotterdam
DannyFlood@reddit
Rotterdam is one of the worst cities in western Europe.. keep your options open until you find your happy place
rainzephyr@reddit
Yes it would probably be better in a different city. Rotterdam is a working class city so it attracts more people from the lower class. I actually like cities outside the Randstad better like Groningen, Arnhem, Nijmegen, etc. I don’t really like the people in the Randstad region.
Onakangaroo@reddit
I am from that area and Rotterdam is definitely a bit harder than most of the rest of the Netherlands. Even as a local I experience that.
If you have the possibility I would suggest to avoid the Rotterdam and The Hague area. The Utrecht / Amersfoort area is much more gentle and relaxed. Some of my expat friends are really happy there
wellitstrue1@reddit
The city you're in does matter I've learned. Hell, I'd even say WHERE in a city matters too.
Slight_Seat_5546@reddit
OMG, so glad I saw this thread. I was considering a move to Rotterdam. I'm a sbf... It sounds worse than America.
ComfortableCivil2239@reddit
I'd rank it
1) Leiden
2) Utrecht
3) Groningen
4) Delft
5) Amsterdam
17) Rotterdam
EctoJesse99@reddit
Yeah haarlem is underrated too
EctoJesse99@reddit
One of my old roommates and friends moved there, within 2 months someone slashed all 4 of his tires for no good reason. Please move anywhere else in NL, Utrecht, amersfoort, Delft (underrated), Leiden, Nijmegen, groningen, den bosch Amsterdam is also way better
Champsterdam@reddit
I’m from America, Rotterdam certainly isn’t as bad as most large American cities just isn’t the best Dutch city.
LegitimateSpace8903@reddit
Rotterdam is probably the worst city to live in, in the Netherlands. If it has to be a city I’d say Groningen is a good choice. International community due to the University, big enough to be a city and small enough to be able to walk everywhere. The city center is almost car free.
-virage-@reddit
Serious question, what's the story behind Rotterdam being a bad city?
My wife and I visited last year and thought it was really cute. People seemed friendly and the city seemed to be a nice mix of historic and modern. At least what we saw of it. It seemed like a really nice city to move to if we ever moved to the Netherlands. Would be good to hear what it's actually like
Acrobatic-Pudding-87@reddit
I spent about 48 hours in Rotterdam and during that time a girl in my hostel was assaulted outside, I saw people openly objecting on the street, and two people tried to get me into an unmarked door which thankfully I was able to avoid and get back to my hostel. Sketchy as hell.
bruhbelacc@reddit
Rotterdam has an almost comedically high crime rate. It's a combination of poverty and immigration without integration. In the bad neighborhoods, girls get approached by sketchy guys talking to them. There are no joke explosions almost every day in Rotterdam - where actual bombs are used by gangs or angry neighbors to bomb someone's door and windows. The Netherlands has a problem with discipline of youth in general, too.
-virage-@reddit
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Honestly had no idea about it.
We will definitely do thorough research before ever considering it again.
Thank you!
Daspineapplee@reddit
I grew up in a small and kinda isolated village and this where I’d expect behavior like this. But this is something that I have never seen, heard or is something people mentioned about. Didn’t know Roffa is such a racist shithole
forreddituse2@reddit
Usually happy expats are the people who have faint connections with family, can function well without outside assistance (deal with pressure by himself type), and has radical ideology conflicts with the native country (e.g. escaping from authoritarian countries to west). Most of unhappy posts here are from people who have the option to live a normal life in home country, move to non-English speaking country, and find the fantasized imagination (especially EU, Paris syndrome was not new.) clashes hard with the reality.
Since you already start to vent online, either return right now, or endure the pain for several more years and find job opportunities in another country. If you choose to stay, remember NEVER give birth to a child.
Then_Impress9419@reddit
Why do you say to never give birth to a child? I’m curious. Thx
MilkChocolate21@reddit
Because having a child with a partner in the partner's new country anchors you there. Having a child anywhere decreases mobility. Women might leave the workforce. But mostly you can't take a child if their other parent wants to stay.
Then_Impress9419@reddit
Thx! That makes sense
MeggatronNB1@reddit
Is there no expat community for Koreans?
truffelmayo@reddit
It’s the NL, not UK or DE or FR, so very small.
MeggatronNB1@reddit
How diverse is the NL?
koreanscientist@reddit
You poor thing... yeah some does
EctoJesse99@reddit
Hey, so Rotterdam is possibly one of the worst cities of the NL due to non-integrated immigration. Please consider all the other nicer cities here in the NL, there is plenty I promise you
Collinemila@reddit
. There is an increase of young men spiting or spanking random women in parks, I heard about it only in amsterdam vondelpark. I realize it might have spread wider in the country. They attack any female so local girls too. I think it’s good to report it since it’s many cases and it’s getting media attention. . Ppl are racist, a part of dutch ppl and elder will think they are funny and racists gestures are « jokes », I found it chocking as well. there is just a bunch of very dumb ppl and in their culture they feel entitle to share their opinion. Be aware korea is also extremely racist Toward foreigners, even blocking expat for work etc, so get used to it. Every country has racism if you don’t look or talk like the majority. . Be careful with your bf, get to know him in person and how he lives before u get married, have a plan b for appartement in case smth goes wrong. Network with ppl that can help u like other expat girls in case anything happens. Maybe everything is fine but just be prepared for the worse. Being abroad as a woman has it’s own challenges.
. Expatriation feels lonely, being homesick is normal or become part of the norm. Finding ppl with similar interests and community helps, others expats and things like home food can help improve the feelings. And it takes everywhere at least one year to stsrt to feel home (sometimes more sometimes less) Getting to know few locals that have things in common with you can drastically improve the exp.
It will be difficult to be abroad far from family and cultural things you know (cultural shock is real in a nee country) maybe search for counseling with a specialist? I wd suggest to try to see your boyfriend just to not have any regret, and if nothing feels good listen to yourself and go home, or try a bit longer with a deadline in mind and go home if it’s too difficult.
Maybe don’t rush the decision (try finding peers, things u like) but get feedback from a psy if you can (look for online cheap options)
Good luck, it’s never easy to arrive somewhere new and build something from scratch 💜
truffelmayo@reddit
Dear, please DM me if you want to talk. I immigrated here as well and also just visited South Korea. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way.
krisleighash@reddit
I’m sorry you are having a hard time OP. I would definitely recommend seeking out some support from other local expats. Particularly those who are Korean or of Asian descent so that you can lean on them when you feel down. Also please seek some mental health support if you can to help with your depression. It cannot be overstated how important that is for your well-being. Lastly, perhaps once this work visa is finished you can find some way to go to your boyfriend’s country and try someplace more familiar? There are student visas often just for taking language classes. Or other types of visas you might look into. Wish you the best of luck and hope you have an easier time going forward.
MilkChocolate21@reddit
So many people in the comments proving the point that Europeans are racist yet blame it on immigrants being criminals or insulting cultural and religious differences.
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
so You're one of them who is being racist?
MilkChocolate21@reddit
What are you talking about? I'm criticizing people who say immigrants are criminals and ruin their countries, which is why people are spitting on you. Europeans excuse racism by saying some people "deserve it". What a bizarre reply to someone who sympathizes with you. If you think being against racism is racist, maybe Europe is the right place for you.
ButteryMales2@reddit
This seems like an overreaction to what is likely a misunderstanding.
MilkChocolate21@reddit
I told the OP that she shouldn't have to get used to be racially abused and got called a racist for pointing out that many people justify racial abuse by claiming that immigrants behave badly. So I guess, but I can't really care too much.
krisleighash@reddit
I think honestly the language barrier caused her to misread your comment. Lead with empathy man. She’s already having a hard time.
ButteryMales2@reddit
Its obvious to me that the OP isn’t completely 100% fluent in English. I can see how someone who isn’t a native in casual English could read your comment and think that is what you believe. They won’t know that you’re saying “It’s wrong that many people in the comments say XYZ”. Particularly if they’re new to reddit.
Just a thought.
Realistic_String5317@reddit
Yea homesickness is real. If you are unhappy go back home. Everyone said to me - stick it out it’ll get better - 2 years later and it has not gotten better. I will be heading back home as soon as my contract is up and feel like I’ve wasted 2 years of my life in sadness.
Keep strong.
Solopreneur40s@reddit
Maybe Netherlands wasn’t the best choice. When moving abroad you should balance out many variables: work, weather, culture, friendliness to foreigners. If you’re still interested in staying in Souther Europe I would recommend visiting www.retirely.eu They may help in your choice
nomiinomii@reddit
Go online and find a community of people from Korea in Netherlands, im sure it exists. Start making friends with them
Flat_Ad1094@reddit
I think most European countries are very non-accepting of Asians and casual racism is the norm. The things you are referring to have been unacceptable in Australia for 40 years or more. I have repeatedly heard from Asians that they are treated very poorly in Europe sadly.
As for adjustment? It usually take 6 - 12 months to even start to feel "normal" in a foreign country.
What nationality is your boyfriend? And where does he live?
But if you really are miserable and really homesick etc? There is no shame in going home. Living in foreign countries is not for everyone. I decided some years ago to not actually go and live other countries. I did it when very young and then realised I just preferred to live in my home country - Australia. I love to travel and take holidays though and find that 1-2 months is ample time for me to be away from home.
So just go home if you are not happy.
dionn91@reddit
Like I always say to people and other expats, Netherlands being progressive is only on paper, but in reality, it’s untrue. On top of that Rotterdam is not great. Other commenters said move to the US, which you can but if you want to stay in Europe longer, i’d say consider moving to London. UK offers youth mobility scheme visa for South Koreans aged 18-35. London is the only truly diverse and the most socially progressive place in Europe. There’s a big Koreans communities, restaurants, etc.
DependentAnimator742@reddit
Oh, dear.
I know a young (28) Korean woman who is now in Paris, she moved from the USA. She is working as an English teacher in Paris. In the USA she is not Korean, she is American. She was born in the USA, she speaks American English, and she dresses and acts like an American. She also speaks French and Korean.
In Paris she is sometimes treated the same as you. 'Nihao', 'hey China', 'ching chang chong'....all the same things you are hearing, she hears, also. What really bothers her, though, is that 2 of her coworkers make fun of her behind her back - not because of her language, but because of her eyes. Yes, her eyes. These adult teachers pull up their eyelids to make Asian eyes, when she is not looking. These are adults, born in France.
She traveled in different parts of Europe and found some places are worse than others. Berlin, London, and Lisbon have been great. Paris, Amsterdam, and Rome, not so fun.
She has decided to stay for a year and try to make friends. She is using Internations to begin (Internations.org). This is for people who are living outside of their home country and want to meet other people to do things with, like karaoke, walk in the park, go shopping for clothes, meet to drink coffee and chat.
Another thing: you are in university, yes? At the university there should be an office or representative for International Students. Ask what services or events they offer for students like you. Usually there is a list of events where you can meet other foreign students.
In the meantime, keep in touch with family and friends back in Korea. Tell them you need their support right now.
CaspinLange@reddit
I’m so sorry this has been happening to you.
It seems like you are wise enough to know what’s best for you.
You mentioned that you need family and friends. Everybody does.
Since you are not happy where you are, it might be best to go back home. You are lucky to have a home and family and friends to go back to.
Also, I don’t know if you are able to go to University in the United States, but Seattle has a very large Asian community, and there is nothing like the racism of Europe in Seattle, Washington. It’s also shielded from the Trump/Maga world, so you’d be completely safe.
But if you need family, then consider deciding to go back home.
My heart goes out to you, and I know you’ll make the choices that are best for you.
Different_Common3776@reddit
Asians being racist towards caucasians are avoiding you or staring at you for no reason or not letting you in the restaurant. European racism towards asians is a whole another level. Saying random phrases like nihao or konichiwa and throwing stuff at you. They will let you in the restaurants but never take your order and let you sit there for hours. Just move to the US
nnogales@reddit
OP I'm really sorry you're experiencing this, but if you want to stay in Nl and have the chance to do so, get out of Rotterdam. All of Nl is getting pretty awful with racism and violence, specially this last year, I've really felt it, but Rotterdam is particularly bad.
supersunsetman@reddit
I was unable to get my visa from Poland and Experienced nothing but racism and passive aggression as a white male married to a pole
yesavery@reddit
Puzzleheaded_Bug1331@reddit
Pleasee know that from non-Chinese East Asian perspective, people do find it racist to be yelled “ni hao”as it shows ignorance against their identities. It’s as if you greet a person of African descent in swahili without even wanting to know where s/he comes from.
GCrepax@reddit
Unfortunately, there is a lot of negative sentiment against none-white foreigners in many Northern European countries. That’s due to a huge influx of (legal and illegal) immigrants from Africa, Middle East and Asia. In addition the Netherlands is one of the most densely populated countries in Europe where the migrant issue is making headlines frequently. I used to have a Dutch girlfriend and she was very concerned that I would park my car with a non-Dutch license plate on a public street. Apparently slashing of tires of foreign cars isn’t uncommon there. Best to reconsider your decision to relocate to the Netherlands. The political environment is unlikely to improve.
RoundCollection4196@reddit
they sound racist af, had no idea europe was that racist
GCrepax@reddit
Not everyone of course. But a few can make your life miserable.
--Betelgeuse--@reddit
Yea, because Europe was not rascist at all 15-20 or even 40 years ago. The aggressive commens against OP in this thread really proves it.
Foreign-Dependent-12@reddit
Get our of Europe and move to Canada/US if you can.
drumjoy@reddit
Homesickness is perfectly normal, and the initial period after moving to somewhere new is often quite difficult. Feeling like you want to die as a result of homesickness or loneliness after a period of only three weeks is not. I would really recommend trying some counseling/therapy. It will give you someone to talk to, help provide strategies to deal with what you're feeling, and hopefully help find the root of why you're having such an intense response.
Pale-Candidate8860@reddit
Maybe you belong in the New World/the Young Countries instead. A lot more of an immigrant background to nations like Canada, USA, Australia, Mexico, Brazil, etc. Safety, economic opportunities, and racism will vary per country. However, there is a lot less acceptance of it in the new world on average.
Something to consider. I have met many Koreans who were extremely happy to live in America and Canada.
drumjoy@reddit
Now is not the time to try going to the US.
nayanexx@reddit
Unfortunately, Xenophobia, homophobia and racism are not criminalised in the Netherlands. I really think people should go to jail for this. You can be shocked with the amount of abusive behaviour people find normal in this country. They see themselves as a progressive country, tolerant, forward-thinkers, innovators… but in reality, they are very conservative and narrow minded. And they take pride in their Dutch directness, but in the end they are just assholes.
Witty_Dig2357@reddit
I’ve never been in the Netherlands, ever. But I know very well two italians (one is my boyfriend and the other one is his friend, whom he met when he moved there) that moved there for two years, from 2020 to 2022. Just a hint: italians are badly seen everywhere in the northern EU.
These are the things that they told me: 1. Locals in Amsterdam are pretty close to each other and they are not welcoming to foreigners. Sad to say, but they exploited with colonialism so much and I think that it’s in their blood to see other ethnicities as inferior;
That doesn’t mean they didn’t bonded with no one, but only after long time, and many of the people who they befriended were coworkers mostly;
It’s really hard at first but it gets easier after the first year OR if you start to speak Dutch and really try to integrate.
No, I don’t think that saying “I want to die here” is a clear indication that you need absolute psychological help or it could get bad. We are people and not psychologists that need to tell you that should go to check yourself because you sound mentally ill.
If you have past conditions of mental illnesses, you’ll know what to do. Because if you are clearly seeking attention to your boyfriend about this issue, it means that you are conscious of it and you’ll know what to do when things will get rough.
I think you were sold an illusion and have bad anxiety over this. Many people that I know had the same issue, they went up in the north, like in Germany, Netherlands, UK, and went back because they dreamed of higher wages but on the other hand, they could not integrate and they got depressed. Obviously there are some exceptions, and be mindful that the language barrier means a lot.
If you don’t like it there, leave. If you can’t leave and don’t want to integrate, find and search local communities of asian people who could support you, especially mentally. And please, reconsider your relationship with this guy. If he is an expat too and minimizes your fears and says that “this is too much” it’s not supportive as a boyfriend should be.
Gamla-stan@reddit
Seriously, girl..you seem to have fantasized living in Europe for a long time but you should grow up and face the reality of living abroad as an adult. The grass looks always greener from the other side, but the world is same and what's your ultimate goal in your life regardless of the place where you living? Have you seriously thought about that? You're not taking a course in university to get a degree and a regular job in Europe but just earning your money in a short-term with your working holiday visa and then getting married with your boyfriend and giving a birth to his child to get a better visa for staying longer? Then how would you manage to buy a house in Europe, have you ever been thinking about all of that?
And is this your first time to get into relationship with European boyfriend? Please don't romanticize European men, or any men in the world because you should learn how to get over hardship in your life on your own and be an independent women without a man pls Don't act like a clinging gf to your boyfriend he's not your super hero
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
Seriously, Your whole comment is just disgusting as other people who was showing racism to me. Who said I wanna live in Europe? Who said I wanna have his kids? I was living very comfortable life in Korea, and Korea is known as very safe and comfortable country. It's the Netherlands where has so many racism and unsafety that surprise me. Idk if you whether came from Europe or other countries, but you're the one who is romanticizing the Europe. I just wanted to experience the new culture.
dogmom34@reddit
Get away from there as soon as possible. I (a woc) have never been so thankful to be move to a new country where white people weren’t the majority. It was like a huge breath of fresh air, and everyday I’m so thankful for it.
s182@reddit
It sounds like you’ve had some big stresses on top of what is normally a challenging situation for anybody. I’m very sorry to hear what you’ve experienced.
Moving to a new place is hard. You don’t know anyone and it can be very lonely. You are not unique in needing a support network around you. Everyone does! You also can find yourself in bureaucratic frustrations with visas and other things. This all does get better. You will make friends and adapt and find your way. But you do have to work at it. Give yourself time and acknowledge you’re doing something challenging.
You don’t say why you moved here and not to your boyfriends country. It’s a concerning that you are telling your boyfriend you want to die. I hope this is just expressing frustration, but if that’s actually true then you need to reevaluate and perhaps go back home.
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
Thanks for thoughtful comment!
I'm here for working holiday visa for youth(experiences each other country's culture program) and my boyfriend's country doesn't have it with Korea. There was 10ish more options in Europe but we thought Netherland will be safe & expat-friendly.
He already knew that I have severe depression and wanna die sometimes. but we both thought moving abroad might help since new environment can be good. Wanting to die is not a new thing for me, but I guess he's more worried when I don't have anyone nearby me to talk to.
Thank you for saying everything can be better, I'm realizing that I needed some reassurance😂
HotMathematician4638@reddit
Are you in treatment for your depression? If not, please consider getting help, you will feel much better. Depression makes your life 100 times harder to cope with, regardless where you are, and adding being a foreigner in a new country to it, is only going to make it worse. Please OP, seek help immediately, I'm sure your health insurance has some sort of coverage!
HerroWarudo@reddit
Out of all the blatant racist stories, the victims are always women and elderly. Rarely you see those racists go up against men their size. Simply cowards
uglylizard@reddit
I was in a comparable situation a long time ago. I had 2 choices: go back, or harden up. I chose the second option. I have thicker skin now, and far less insecurities. My advice to you is, make a decision and set a date that you will try until: say 1 more year. You can always go back any time.
Eastern cultures in general are used to caring about societal norms so racist remarks are generally more hurtful. Most cultures in Europe are colder and individualistic so they probably don’t see these hurtful remarks for what they really are.
I wish you all the best. Remember that only under great pressure can a diamond be created.
supernormie@reddit
I'm sorry. I have noticed an uptick in anti-Asian racism since covid, and I really wonder if you are unfortunately running into the worst of the worst (tokkies).
A really good way to meet people in NL is through clubs or activities related to hobbies. So if you love a specific something, try going to related events. Secondly, please go to any social events your school is organising. Since you sound like a nice and social person, I think you will make friends, probably just by going to class... it just takes time.
There are many Dutchies and other people who are really interested in your culture. I am so sorry you had these experiences.
I think you are going through a mourning process. I was stalked twice in my life, and one of the times was when I moved abroad to study. It was a big blow to me too. I completely understand the feeling of being isolated and not having your support system, but from experience I do feel it gets better.
Please be safe, and give yourself time to adjust. Go to your nearest Amazing Oriental or toko and get yourself some comforting treats to remind you of home. I realise this might sound racist, but I'm part Indonesian, and Indonesian food really made me feel more at home when I didn't have my family around me. So I would eat food from my culture, and call my loved ones, and it almost felt like we were sharing a meal. Then, I'd make friends over time, including other foreign students and I noticed that a lot of them did have similar experiences and I wasn't crazy. But strength comes in numbers. You need a friend group, and you will find one.
If you're worried about your mental health and this continues despite having had more time to adjust, please register with a doctor and tell them. Alternatively, make sure you visit either your boyfriend or your family ASAP, and assess if you want to continue living in Rotterdam.
blacktea_notcoffee@reddit
공감해요. 해외 살기 생각보다 어렶거든요. 저도 비슷한 경험 했는데 afterlovehasgone님의 기분이 그 정도 안 좋아져서 고민이에요. 건강하고 힘내세요.
I really wish you the best. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, and if you can, get out of the house in an area that you feel comfortable in every day. Or at least feel the sun and the breeze every day. It kind of feels like we had similar experiences in a way, because I thought I dreamed of living abroad and then I actually did it and it was not at all what I hoped and I learned so much about myself and that I want a permanent home to settle down into, not a temporary life that I had to fully, 100% figure out on my own and where I had to fight to find people who cared. I don't regret it because in the end I had lots of cool experiences but it was so hard sometimes lol. Especially the loneliness and not feeling understood by others like you said. Language barriers, constantly feeling uncomfortable, and not connecting with people is hard. But, you've been there for such a short time! It gets easier. And please remember, when it gets too hard, you can leave. If it comes between your life or leaving the country, then leave! It's okay.
I'm sad to hear you've been experiencing so much negative stuff. I can understand how it feels from going to an area where you don't stick out at all to an area where you don't look like almost anyone around you, and people look at you weirdly or say weird things to you. It feels so weird to be viewed as your race or nationality when you just want to be seen as a person, not a gimmick or exhibit. I hope that stops soon because it's not okay. In my experience, I either mostly stopped noticing the staring or most people got used to seeing me. I experienced a lot of issues in Korea like being catcalled that make me feel unsafe and so did my friends and acquaintances. If you don't feel safe, it's harder to adapt, too. I hope you can find something that makes you feel safe like a martial arts class or a huge metal water bottle or a weapon if that's allowed.
I hope you meet great people soon. If you want to message me, feel free. When you are first adjusting, everything can be so hard and uncomfortable. I believe things will get better, and one day you won't constantly feel uncomfortable. But that doesn't mean you need to put yourself through it if you're only getting hurt.
DrunKeN-HaZe_e@reddit
You went to Netherlands from an Asian country, lol.
That's a huge downgrade.
NL is one lifeless country, who think too high of their matchbox size homes and cycling, high CoL, average salaries, housing crisis and limited by their language requirement. If you look at it, it's actually a failed country.
fijitimeislandlife@reddit
I feel for you. That is desperately sad 😅
Your boyfriend's response to the situation should possibly make you consider whether that is the correct path for you. I would expect a lot more empathy and concern, especially if you are telling him you'd rather be dead!
And no, being shouted at in the street because of your race, sex or appearance is not normal, and shouldn't be normalized either. Sounds awful. Europe has gone to the dogs. That's why we left. Although we experience some negativity as whites in a predominantly darker skinned country. We are older though, thicker skinned and prepared to speak up for ourselves. In your situation, keeping quiet and re-evaluating your circumstances is maybe wise.
Best wishes ❤️
genjin@reddit
The Netherlands is the only country I can remember where I heard overt unashamed racism from locals.
ArcticRock@reddit
try bumble bff. you maybe able to meet people from korea. good luck!
PerpetualTraveler59@reddit
Wow. So sorry this was your experience. Have heard such great things about the Netherlands 😣
Aggressive_Creme4897@reddit
Give it a year. Anytime you move or start something new, it usually takes a year to make new friends and adjust. You’ve been there for 3 weeks. Ask yourself: why did I come here? If you still believe that reason is valid, then commit to one year. You can do 1 year. If it doesn’t work out after that, then reassess.
illuusio90@reddit
Netherlands isn't exactly know for being friendly to the Asians.
sof_es@reddit
Oh my. I’m so sorry. Homesickness is normal, but personally don’t think experiencing all that under 3 weeks is. Why try to ride it out when it’s already pushing you to have suicidal thoughts? I’d rather just go home honestly. 😔
k3kis@reddit
Wow. From one extreme to another. I imagine the Dutch directness is shocking.
SicParvisMagnaaa@reddit
There's no shame in going back to Korea. There's very little reason to deal with this unless you actually have some long-term vision that you need to live in the Netherlands to accomplish.
A lot of people here think being an expat is a worthy goal in and of itself, it's not. It greatly disadvantages you in life so you need to have a strong reason to make the suffering worth it.
Moist-Ninja-6338@reddit
Takes at least two years to settle into a new country. Have done it 3 times.
leahlo@reddit
I’m an Asian expat in the Netherlands! If you want someone to talk to, you can DM me!
Tbh I’ve had someone yell something at me once in Amsterdam but for the most part, people have been very tolerant here, so I’m sorry you experienced those things. What city are you in?
99% of the time I feel safe—are you wandering or also on a bike? Most of the time, people prey on people who look like tourists unfortunately =\
Appropriate-Gas9156@reddit
Hi OP, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s hard being without community on top of dealing with racism.
Let’s be friends! I’m gonna be in The Hague area soon and would like some fellow girlfriends to explore the area/rotterdam. DM me!
Daidrion@reddit
Moving from South Korea (with all its problems) to the Netherlands sounds like a downgrade, tbh.
That really depends on the other country.
Impossible_Moose3551@reddit
It takes a while to adjust and after three weeks your body is just starting to physically normalize, not to mention your mental state.
Being in the minority for the first time can be very challenging. It takes an adjustment being stared at all the time. Unfortunately being an Asian Woman in a western culture has other challenges of centuries of sexism and eroticizing Asian Women. You should find other Asians in the city where you are or online and ask how to deal with the sexism.
If you are on a working holiday visa it is probably for less than a year. I would give it the duration of your visa to get adjusted. Make a point to explore different restaurants or museums or to take trips to neighboring places.
The Netherlands is very safe overall so it unfortunately might just take some time adjusting to being othered.
reddit33764@reddit
I'm shocked nobody mentioned the part OP says boyfriend doesn't want to hear she say she wants to die.
I know immigrating can be stressful, overwhelming, and frustrating, but thinking/talking about wanting to die is a clear indication that OP has more concerning issues than those caused by her move.
I'd recommend OP goes back to South Korea to get some support and get to a better emotional/psychological situation before deciding if she wants to try moving out of her country again.
dimplingsunshine@reddit
I’m so sorry you are going through this OP! There are a lot of factors at play here though. The Netherlands are not known for being friendly and welcoming to immigrants. They ar e actually known for being one of the rudest people, not necessarily because they are (in your case for sure), but because they are the most straightforward, super direct kind of people. You even have jokes about it in tv shows (like Ted Lasso, where the Dutch character always says rude stuff, but it’s normal to him).
Xenophobia and racism are a bit of an unfortunate trend in many countries at the moment, as it feels like the world is turning right wing and anti immigration.
That being said, I get how a first bad experience can make you feel like everywhere else will be the same, but each country is its own universe, with a different culture, different way of life, etc. Your bad experience in one country can’t doom all the other 40+ in Europe.
Lastly, even if your experience had been perfect from the get go, making friends is the hardest part about living abroad, and usually the thing that takes the longest time. Locals have their own friends and are not usually interested in being friends with immigrants who might leave at any point. My first friends in both countries I lived abroad were also immigrants, because they were also feeling lonely, wanted to meet people and understood the pain of immigration.
I’d say to give it some time, if not in the Netherlands, then in the other country where your boyfriend lives. Download meetup, try to join events for things you like, be it drawing, sports, etc so you can meet people that have things in common with you, and most important of all: be patient. First six months in a new country are usually the hardest, being lonely at first is normal, and making friends take time.
In 3 weeks, you have not really seen the positive side of living abroad, just the bad one. The good side is there, but it will demand patient and effort from you. I’d say that if after a year abroad you still feel like it’s the worst thing, then maybe go back.
Best of luck, OP!
P3rsonal1zed@reddit
Trying to make a new place “home” can be really difficult. It helps to think of every day as a day where you’ll see something new, experience an unexpected or interesting moment, and collect data about a place or situation or type of person.
That way, you’re not judging yourself on whether you made a friend or had a good day or figured out a bureaucratic headache. Those are much bigger and harder goals, depending on the circumstances.
(It can take forever to sort out legal muddles! And the Netherlands generally doesn’t have a culture of welcoming temporary residents, because that’s such a large and transient population. So those are two headwinds. And that doesn’t even touch on any possible language or dietary or social or cultural frictions you might be experiencing.)
Being a fish out of water is definitely part of the expat experience! You’ll probably feel more in control and empowered if you set your expectations at a positive, realistic, achievable level. You really WILL see new things every day! You really CAN make sure that every day has an unexpected or interesting moment. You really ARE learning about the world around you. Those things are enjoyable and enriching, in and of themselves.
You know you’re not going to be in the Netherlands forever. Whether you stay, go to your boyfriend’s country, go back home, or find a more congenial place to spend your gap year, this is a temporary situation. That helps to give the problem an appropriate scope.
You’re feeling unsafe, unwelcome, and unhappy in a new place, where you don’t have a robust support network, and you’re trying to figure out if this is a normal experience or not. It sounds like you’re handling all the logistics as well as can be expected! You have a routine, you’re keeping on top of the visa thing, you’re talking to your roommate, you’re staying situationally aware as people hassle you… Good job!
Are you including happy things in your day? Stopping for a coffee? Taking a picture of a tree? Stepping into a gallery or sitting in a park? Riding the bus an extra stop and walking back to window shop?
Make those little victories your way of taking a stand against the harder feelings you’re facing. “Yes, I’m very lonely. AND, that’s a pretty flower pot in that person’s window. I wonder if I should get a tiny plant for my room.” 🌷
Post again to let us know how the next week has gone! A lot can change in a short time when you’re abroad. Your mind and heart and the space around you are all in a kind of flux, because everything is interacting together and it’s all so new for you. A giant science experiment! :-)
I second what other posters have said about trusting your gut (both in the moment and about your overall situation). You’ve done something really brave! Whatever you learn from that experience will only fuel your future adventures!
Art-Soft@reddit
I'm so sorry you're dealing with racist remarks here, it's disgusting how often people just say blatantly racist things. Unfortunately you don't seem to be the only one dealing with this, I've heard a lot of the same stories from other expats.
Rotterdam is known to be quite rough as well, not a city I would recommend living in. I could recommend the Hague, Utrecht or Amsterdam. There are big international communities there and lots of meetup groups you can join.
I moved from the Netherlands to Belgium about a year ago, and I thought the difference wouldn't be very big, but it was a massive adjustment for me the first 3 months. A lot of overwhelm from administration, getting used to the new place, new culture, new job. Everything was quite overwhelming.
I totally feel your sense of loneliness too. It's important to have a bit of a social circle to rely on, especially with such a big life change. There are multiple expat groups where people regularly meet up, there might even be groups specifically with other expats from Korea so you can share a bit of your experiences together, I find that it helps sometimes to have a little piece of home that way.
I really hope you will feel a little bit more at ease here, moving countries is a big thing and it's understandable that your visa issues paired with the racist remarks and everything else made this a really sour experience for you so far. I hope it improves for you soon!
ThrowDeepALWAYS@reddit
Once you get through the immigration process, I’m betting you’ll feel better. I travel solo a lot and also live as an expat. I made friends with my loneliness. I know it will happen so I’m sort of ready to experience it. I think distraction is your best bet right now. Going to the library, catching a movie, live music, long hikes and exercise are your friends. If you still feel the same after your visa is sorted, you can go home to visit and decide if you want to return. I’m sorry you feel sad. Good luck!🍀
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much for advice. Setting the deadline to visa process sounds like good idea. Maybe I'm feeling more sad and stressed since I feel like Idk if I can believe their system anymore. I'll try to keep myself until then. Thank you so much!
ThrowDeepALWAYS@reddit
Hang in there darling. Big hug.
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
🥹❣️
MilkChocolate21@reddit
Homesickness is normal. You should not get used to being assaulted by racists. It's ok to leave for your mental health and personal safety.
Fit_Caterpillar9732@reddit
You’ve been there 3 weeks. What did you expect your life in a new country would be like after just three weeks?
Have you ever lived on your own before this move? Are you new to adulthood?
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
Your response is very aggressive for some reason, But I'll explain this to you.
When I say I'm struggling with visa, I'm not here illegally. There's working holiday program for youth people and I'm here for that visa, but Netherland's IND made me go back and forth there for 3 times and 2 days ago they called me and said "they can't find my application". I went there 3 times since they told me to come, expecting they'll process it. Most of Korean who gets working holiday visa get their visa processed in one day, 2 weeks until they get residence permit. I've here for 3 weeks and They literally said "they can't find my application" when I visit the office and handed out in person, even got the document that I applied.
I don't know where are you from, but I'm not desperate to change my visa. I just wanted to experience new culture and having gap year just like anyone else. I don't know why are you so mad at my visa lol.
I don't see the reason that I need to explain why I move to Netherland instead of my bf's country. We both agreed, and that’s all. Again, Why are you so mad? lol If there's anyone who thought of this more than you, is me.
If you don't want to give meaningful advice, Just leave instead of wasting yours and my time.
afterlovehasgone@reddit (OP)
I've living alone for last 2 years and I were in dorm for 8 years total including high school. I didn't expect anything for 3 weeks, but I expected something feeling safe at least. Is that too much?
akie@reddit
You need to give it time. You obviously had a bad start, but you need to commit to it a bit before you make a judgement. Maybe set yourself a deadline?