ULPT: dealing with neighbour who keeps pulling weeds and plants from my yard
Posted by RoutineCloud5993@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 93 comments
Neighbour apparently has a fixation against what he considers "weeds" and will pull any one he sees - regardless of whether it's in his garden or not. He will stand in flower beds and bulldozer his way to any weeds he spots - then stares silently when called out
His house is next to mine and he has to cross in front of my front yard to go anywhere - there are no fences and we can't install them.
After one too many times of catching him, then asking and telling him to stop I want to dish out some sort of punishment. He's very proud of his garden, but I don't want to do anything thag could spread and affect to mine.
We're uk based if that helps
kiwibird1@reddit
Can you plant bushes that are thickly covered in small thorns around your perimeter? Something like wild roses, they're easy to grow, and you can't touch their branches without a dozen thorns greeting you.
Fu_Q_imimaginary@reddit
But why would you want to stop someone from pulling weeds? Do you like weeds in your property?
I pay someone for that service and you’re complaining about getting it for free? Wild.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Maybe read it again?
They're trampelling other plants, pulling things they don't like, and then refusing to stop when asked. And you think I should be thanking them?
Fu_Q_imimaginary@reddit
I re read. Perhaps you alluded to those things but your wording did not state the same. Had you been as clear in your original post as you were in your followup to my comment, we wouldn’t be having this discussion. Had you worded it so explicitly the first time, I would have agreed 100%.
My apologies for just reading what you wrote in lieu of guessing your intended meaning.
dave8814@reddit
https://www.amazon.com/BUG-A-SALT-3-0-Yellow/dp/B089CDCCR1
Get one of these and fill it with peppermint seeds. Go over when he's not home and blast a few shots into the ground in a few different spots. It will keep him busy fixing his own side.
seymou21@reddit
Call Monty Don over to smack him around a bit.
walkawaysux@reddit
A bag of bird seed spread out over his yard after it starts sprouting thousands of plants will keep him so busy you won’t see him again for a long time.
Babzibaum@reddit
He's worried about the weed seeds blowing into his gardens. Talk to him. Work out a compromise. Ask him not to "bulldoze" through your stuff. Personally, I'd be thrilled if someone pulled weeds for me.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
No it's not that. Dandelion seeds are everywhere this time of year.
People go have lived here longer said he has a thing against all weeds
XemptOne@reddit
plant wildflowers in your yard, everywhere...
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
I did
JebusJones5000@reddit
Super soaker filled with piss.
f1ve-Star@reddit
So a raw piss disc?
MisChef@reddit
I LOL'd at "raw'!
f1ve-Star@reddit
That was my hope.
JebusJones5000@reddit
I'd fill the super soaker with it, you want to get as much on your target as you can, and not on your yard.
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
Be sure to load up on asparagus and wash it down with a lot of black coffee before filling the super soaker.
AlexRenquist@reddit
Plant hawthorns, brambles, thistles. Prickly bastards, but native wildlife plants which are much better for the local ecosystem than flowerbeds. Or rewild your garden entirely with wildflowers. Looks gorgeous low maintenance, environmentally responsible, but will annoy the fuck out of someone who hates weeds.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
That bank is all wildflowers! That's the infuriating thing
AlexRenquist@reddit
Nettles.
the-jesuschrist@reddit
Although, some people have a fetish with sticking nettle plants on their… uh, 😐. They do it because it hurts but also feels good
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
The stinging ones...
AlexRenquist@reddit
Yes, good clarification. Stinging nettles, not British nettles (which tingle).
And no doc leaves, either. Let the bastard suffer.
Rarefindofthemind@reddit
Japanese barberry bushes. They’re like hypodermic needles. I have them in my yard and even spring clean up is a damn horror show
Fit_Zucchini8695@reddit
Time to remove them then! They’re invasive in many countries.
Select-Opinion6410@reddit
This is the way! He will go absolutely insane.
lilcummyboi@reddit
Why can't you put up a fence??
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
The layout isn't suitable to fence off the area. The path to gis mouth literally crosses my garden. That's the crappy way the development was built.
arkensto@reddit
Plant some "protected" plants.
Do a google search of "Protected plants [State]" It should give you a list of plants that are on the federal and/or state protected lists. Put a camera on your protected plants, then when your rude neighbor molests them, you can threaten him with a federal case.
Sue him for the cost of the plants + the hours of maintenance X $50 an hour. Every time you plant/water/mulch/etc your plants, record it as a least an hour (or more) of work. You will also have much more sympathy in small claims court if you can show the receipts on your endangered plant garden. While small claims can't punish him for federal laws, they can honor your huge monetary claim instead.
You are not going to get thousands of dollars back for plants from a $5 pack of wild flower seeds. But things might be different for a planting of say for instance: threatened Pecos Sunflowers.
Finally, you will be doing a good deed by propagating endangered plants.
IrishMilo@reddit
Next time you see him tell him you’ve brought a super soaker to scare off pests messing around in your garden, then next time you see him in that garden hose him down with your super soaker.
ballskindrapes@reddit
Get a lawyer to send a cease and desist letter. Put multiple signs up that say no trespassing. Put up cameras. Do all together as closely as possible, so you have the cameras and signs up when he gets the cease and desist letter
Do that all, and he will likely stop. Look up your state's laws on criminal tresspass. You might be able to call the police, and show them the video, and while they might not arrest the dude off the top, once he gets a visit from the police, he might dial it back. N.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
There is no criminal trespass here. And the police won't do anything unless there's criminal damage
ballskindrapes@reddit
What state?
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Literally says in my post that I'm UK based
ballskindrapes@reddit
Sorry, missed that. My advice might not be good for the UK, but it certainly won't hurt. Also, perhaps public shame would do the trick?
Get still shots of the videos from him in your yard, and post them around your area, saying thing like "shame on people who don't respect others property"
Things like that.
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
Print out pictures of his face on signboard with a big 🚫 over it and put them up along the property line.
truncheon88@reddit
I like how wholesomely childish this is
ballskindrapes@reddit
Or go in the middle of the night and dump some very salty water on his yard, maybe draw a dick with the water. It kills grass, afaik fairly permanently
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
Looks like there's a thing called aggravated trespass in the UK, and it seems what he is doing fits the bill...
redthump@reddit
Liquid fertilizer. Hose adapter style. Draw a cock and balls in his yard. Let it grow fast, green, and proud. If he already fertilized it, it will burn the cock and balls into the grass he has. Fertilize your beloved flora as well.
PerniciousSnitOG@reddit
Brilliant!
You know, a clever lady or lass might make to a stencil and wander around the yard quickly, leaving cock'n'ballses all over their lawn. With the help of a friend I suspect even an estate lawn could become well endowed in, well, two shakes of a lambs whatsit.
Unplannedroute@reddit
Motion activated sprinkler. Paintball gun..
dafrog84@reddit
I was thinking a water gun, put a little mustard in it. It will stain his clothes. If he calls the cops make a trustpassing order on him. ASAP: Install cameras and put up no trustpassing signs.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Trespassing is a civil issue here. The police won't do anything even if it was their problem to deal with
naut@reddit
but he's also vandalizing your garden, destruction of private property?
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Well thats different, but it would require the police to actually do anything other than lie about their responsibilities.
thetasteheist@reddit
Put a report in, not because it will actually lead to anything but just in case this escalates it establishes that your neighbor was the primary instigator.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
You know what, you're right
dafrog84@reddit
Squirt him with mustard it is then. He's Lame old man. Also could use animal waste (Pooh) in your gardens. It's a natural and it will get all over his shoes.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
The local cats do produce a lot of shit. May be time to order some cat nip seeds and liberally toss them around
dafrog84@reddit
Oh I would do an late night cat nip sprinkle all around his house. That would be so funny. Give him a new problem to deal with, cats.
awalktojericho@reddit
And dandelion seeds
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
don't forget to add the liquid ass as well.
thank you for attending my TED talk.
Unplannedroute@reddit
Food colouring is easier and cheaper. Mustard sachets are for drip n stomp splatting.
delicate10drills@reddit
Food dye dumped on top of the sprinkler.
Ok_Childhood_9774@reddit
Water gun with bleach or salt water. It will leave random dead spots all over his lawn.
broakland@reddit
Just throw bird seed in his garden. He’ll never get it all out and it will definitely sprout. Should keep him busy enough on his own plot that he won’t have time for yours lol
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
mint seed in his gardens... good luck eradicating that.
SoapyCheese42@reddit
Good fences make good neighbours
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
Good reading makes for good Reddit replies.
"there are no fences and we can't install them."
Puzzled-Grape-2831@reddit
Excessive gardening can be a sign of psychosis apparently. Tell them to stay in their yard if you don’t want free labor…
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
Sounds like they're pulling plants that aren't actually weeds, I wouldn't call that "free labor".
razz1161@reddit
https://a.co/d/3hbpVez
Dandelion seeds
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
This would probably drive him insane. I love it
Cuneus-Maximus@reddit
mint seeds...
Philonic@reddit
In the U.S. we have a product called Liquid Fence that smells like rotten eggs to keep deer and other animals away from eating plants in the garden. If you have something similar available, spray him with it any time you catch him
aspie_electrician@reddit
Does he have autism?
Sounds like possible autism.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
We're not sure, but we have suspected for a variety of other reasons.
aspie_electrician@reddit
As someone with autism, this hyper fixation the neibour has on your garden, looks and sounds to me like it's most likely autism related. Does the neibour have anyone living in the home with them that you could talk to?
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Yes he's married. We've asked her to get him to stop and thatg led to a raging argument between the two (not the first time). But to be perfectly honest, she doesn't actually care. They're both very callous people.
And it's not just out garden, the fixation extends to the whole neighbourhood. We just happen to be closest and the only way he can go of he wants to go anywhere
aspie_electrician@reddit
Then in that case, since this is ulpt, spread broken glass in your garden as ground cover.
I've got another suggestion, but it's very likely on the r/illegallifeprotips2 side...
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
You're welcome to dm me. 😂
glostazyx3@reddit
Let him pick. Picking weeds sucks, he is doing you a favor. Go out and ask him if he wants to plant and maintain a garden for you.
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Trampelling over other plants and indiscriminantly pulling out plants he doesn't like is not doing us a favour. Especially when he's been asked, and later told, not to do it.
Ancient-Pitch7599@reddit
Sounds like a spectrum/ocd kind of issue. Maybe look up something like a mental health check.
aspie_electrician@reddit
Exactly my thoughts. As someome on the spectrum, OP's neibor indeed sounds like he's on the ASD spectrum.
Kycrio@reddit
Put up a sign that says "rare oriental medicinal herbs: £50/g" and then send him an invoice
alaskalilly7@reddit
Plant poison ivy and let him have fun.
naturenerd42@reddit
A large sign that says chemicals in use, do not touch. Not safe for humans.
The chemical used, if asked by authorities is dihydrogen monoxide.
Crap_Sally@reddit
I’m curious why they do it. It’s fascinating that they think to come on your land without repercussions.
LuementalQueen@reddit
Give him some mint seeds. You can't get rid of mint. He'll be too busy tending to his mint problem to bother with your garden.
Also, post the footage publicly, like on a local fb group, and ask if anyone recognises him. Say he's destroyed hundreds of pounds worth of plants, and you'd rather not go to the police, but if this keeps continuing, you'll have to. You're worried he may have Alzheimers or the like, and want to make sure his family are aware of his behaviour so they can take steps.
Hopefully, then he'll have them on his case, and if he does have issues, they'll get treated. If he doesn't, they'll hopefully hound him to stop.
Terrible-Charity@reddit
Spray him with the hose
jadedraain@reddit
could you fence out a path for him to take from his yard to the road, preventing him to access the rest of your garden ?
put a bear trap in it or smth to make it unethical.
DIY-pancakes@reddit
... i'd be pretty happy if my neighbor came over and weeded my lawn for free. I know what subreddit this is... but why?
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Did you miss the part whet he's trampelling over plants to get the weeds? And that we've told him to stop
f1ve-Star@reddit
Help yourself to his garden in a Tit-for-tat sorta way. If he has basil, don't just take some, pull the plant, pot it up in your kitchen window.
You will be on bad terms with this man from then on. It sounds like you already are suffering him though.
Double_Sherbert3326@reddit
Take a baseball bat to his car/home windows and see how he likes it when you destroy his property?
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
That would probably improve the look of that wreck
pjbettasso@reddit
There are a couple of approaches. Buy wild flower seeds of the type he pulls from your yard. At the next big rain throw them scatter shot all over his lawn.
Comet cleanser all over his lawn. It is like bleach and will kill the grass where it lands. But it isnt permenant, the grass eventually will recover.
Put a trap in your flowers, e.g. a plate with paint or honey for him to step on and track around, hopefullt to his home.
Use the camera footage and start posting it on line with captions like, senility robs us of our common sense, why is my neighbor so anti flower... etc.
Good luck
Fitz911@reddit
What do you mean when you say "weed"? You are talking about your increadibly expensive, weedlike flower you planted, right?
RoutineCloud5993@reddit (OP)
Weeds as in unwanted plants from gardens. Not the smokable kind.
Fitz911@reddit
What I'm trying to say is... Are they unwanted?
He doesn't like them. But it's your garden. And remember a few days ago? When I sold you those expensive, weedlike Flowers?
I would be pissed if someone killed my 350€ flowers.
I can send you another batch. But it's 400€ now.
Any_Pudding_1812@reddit
you could write a note to them using weed killer on their lawn
“ free the weed” or something.