ULPT Request: chapstick theif

I like your thinking but i don't follow the execution. I wouldn't want to rub the outside of it on poison ivy cuz then I'm spreading the oil everywhere and I'll get it too.

I'm thinking grind up the roots and straight up dip the tip of the lip balm ointment into it.

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age_of_No_fuxleft@reddit

I’d happily call the lip balm a loss. You could put almost about anything in it so long as there’s no weird smell. I’d definitely go with something that causes discomfort.

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Graceless1077@reddit

Lip plumping chapstick 😈 just cover the label with some stickers or something

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taintmaster900@reddit

I never have this problem because I have little crochet chapstick holders that go around your neck like a necklace. Or attach it to your belt. Whatever. Always keep that thang on you.

Honestly if they didn't have herpes to begin with they probably do now. So go find someone with the other herpes strain and... you know...

Did you know you can get herpes sores as far away physically as possible from your mouth or your cunt? I know someone who gets them on their ribcage and like... nobody fucked that...

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My kid only has her outbreaks on her torso, hers is HSV1 though. The theory is that I was exposed to a strain I didn't have the antibodies for and it attacked her/my uterus instead of me. She was born 11wks early with a crazy looking rash all over her tiny belly

We see an infectious disease doc for suppressive meds and he said he has a few patients that present in weird places. One kid only gets them on his shins.

There's also something called matt herpes and it's a strain a lot of wrestlers have. It presents on the forehead and extremities.

(I did a lot of research when the kid was born because the NICU team spent about a week trying to figure out why she was covered in a crazy looking rash)

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taintmaster900@reddit

Everything everyone learned about it in school was a half-truth lol :( so now everyone's ashamed of their ankle herpes

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DoyoulikebirdsD_o@reddit

Herpes does not need sexual contact to spread. If someone with hand herpes touches you, you can get it.

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taintmaster900@reddit

Of course. But nobody touched dude's ribcage, he even got one on his ankle (?) Which was part of the initial outbreak. Homeboy is gay but I don't think he's "fuckin in tha ankle" gay...

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greyn8ght@reddit

I knew a guy who got in just on his eyebrows...

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taintmaster900@reddit

What the fuck. I wanna know what whacky shit that guy was up to. Yeah this little maneuver is called the brow fuck.

Jk tho but seriously you can get herpes anywhere and it can also pop up wherever there's like, nerves and shit.

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taintmaster900@reddit

I AM NOT A HERPES EXPERT! (a herpspert?)

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greyn8ght@reddit

Herpatologist

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ostrichesonfire@reddit

Leave the amphibians and reptiles alone! 😭

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CuNxtTuesday_@reddit

Put in lip plumper! It will burn the shit out of them lol.

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ItPutsLotionOnItSkin@reddit

Find someone with oral herpes. Let them use it then leave the chapstick where the theif can get it

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smashcola@reddit

Mention how helpful chapstick has been at relieving your hemorrhoids. But if you wanna add something to the chapstick to teach him a lesson, I'm pretty sure cinnamon is often used in lip plumping products.

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Ok_Kaleidoscope5712@reddit

Load it with antiperspirant.

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DoyoulikebirdsD_o@reddit

Oh dear god

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Xishou1@reddit

Besides the taste and texture, what would this do?

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Ok_Kaleidoscope5712@reddit

The thought of antiperspirant anywhere near my lips makes me physically recoil and shudder. And if some got in my mouth? Forget it. It would be like chewing on aluminum foil (in a word: ghastly).

I’m just kind of assuming that no one would react positively to it.

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Xishou1@reddit

You have some very valid points. Not saying I've done it willingly, but my sister got me in a headlock once, and I got it in my mouth. It went really dry and gave me cotton mouth to rival smoking a pound of hash.

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Ok_Kaleidoscope5712@reddit

YESSS! THIS! (Also, i’m sorry that you had to experience that) 😂

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Melt__Ice@reddit

Capsaicin.

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ineverbot@reddit

Children's glue stick

Or wait until he grabs it and slathers it on, then look him straight in the eye and deadpan "You know I have herpes, right?"

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Scary_Tap6448@reddit

I mean I would just switch the inside of a normal maybe cherry/strawb chapstick with a VERY pigmented lip staining creme stick inside and see if they use it because if they did it wouldn't just wash off easily

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Xishou1@reddit

There's the kind that goes on clear and darkens after a few minutes.

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Henri_Bemis@reddit

Oh shit, I was wondering if they still made those magic glue sticks, but those went ON in color and dried clear. Boo.

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DoyoulikebirdsD_o@reddit

they do! I love them

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janeisaproblem@reddit

This is it. Looks normal and then after it’s on your lips it turns hot pink and it’s not easy to get off.

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Scary_Tap6448@reddit

Ooooo yes!!

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essssgeeee@reddit

I had a disgusting manager who would use anyone's chapstick. And cover her gross lips way outside the lines. She did it with my strawberry chapstick and I let her stay looking like a clown for hoursss. Haha!

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bendecco08@reddit

waxpen

meanstreak

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TangerineTassel@reddit

Herpes?

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Proud-Emu-5875@reddit

you mean Carmex?

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TangerineTassel@reddit

Oh yes, the brand name “Carmex”.🤣

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zoloftandcoffe3@reddit

I had a coworker that kept doing this. So I rubbed it on my dog’s asshole and put it back.

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sweetlevels@reddit

And also where is that chapstick now

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zoloftandcoffe3@reddit

Long gone lol that was years ago. I almost forgot one day and went to use it but remembered it just in time and threw it out lol.

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sweetlevels@reddit

Was ur dog ok with it tho

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zoloftandcoffe3@reddit

She was just a little confused is all 😂

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YKINMKBYKIOK@reddit

Poor Colby...

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CheeCheeReen@reddit

Lidocaine. Why do you want to do this though? I don’t see why you need to “teach them a lesson”

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One_Echidna_7348@reddit

Put some of that glue that comes in the roll on containers that looks like a big chapstick

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generic_version@reddit

Itching powder

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Secret-Tackle8040@reddit

A small amount of LSD

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mortimusalexander@reddit (OP)

Where do I obtain LSD? Asking for a friend...

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dlutz88@reddit

You spelled 500ug of LSD incorrectly 😅

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NombreCurioso1337@reddit

Does the product "Bengay" still exist?

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captplanchepants@reddit

So’s Steve

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monkey_trumpets@reddit

Icyhot is better

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AlexRenquist@reddit

Loudly shout "Oh shit, Where's my specially medicated chapstick for my oral herpes sores?"

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heyitscory@reddit

I was gonna say 'herpes'. I don't know if my idea or your idea is funnier.

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Read_it_all-7735@reddit

Anal sores

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captplanchepants@reddit

My oozing anal warts

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AlexRenquist@reddit

Great minds think alike, friend.

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AcanthisittaOk2703@reddit

Get one that’s lip plumping it will burn and they won’t be able to hide their temporary luscious lips. Also you won’t get in trouble for adding anything.

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sweetlevels@reddit

How did you even discover this coworker was stealing chapsticks?

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redvoxfox@reddit

Vicks.

Tiger Balm Ultra

Capsaicin

Or, go stinky: 2-nonenal (aka - old man smell) or some hated fragrance like old stank aftershave, rancid butter or oil, cat or dog piss, hunting scents, coyote or wolf or cougar (predator) piss (used for gardens and lawns).

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I_Want_A_Ribeye@reddit

Replace chapstick contents with beef tallow or butter

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jyguy@reddit

This just sounds delicious

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Redsquirreltree@reddit

Whatever you do, mark your untainted ones, you don't want to accidentally sabotage yourself.

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FreshwaterFryMom@reddit

This right here.

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therealjody@reddit

Clear capsicum liquid. Have fun. They wont.

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AJSCRPT@reddit

What does this do?

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GivesCredit@reddit

Capsicum is another word for bell pepper. I think they meant capsaicin which is the chemical of pure spice basically.

Jalapeños are around a 2000-4000 on the Scoville scale (measures how spicy something is), ghost peppers are around 1,000,000, and pure capsaicin is 16,000,000.

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AtiumMist@reddit

Yeah i was quivering what a Capsicum would do lmao

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BabyBug0199@reddit

I second this 😈

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sphinxyhiggins@reddit

Bengay

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wlkncrclz@reddit

Tiger balm

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WheezyGonzalez@reddit

Get someone with an active cold sore to use it then leave it out for the their

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dlutz88@reddit

Semen?

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meleeturtle@reddit

Pubes.

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thiccglossytaco@reddit

Get some lip plumping balm/gloss. Mix it with the chapstick and put it back in the tube. It's generally safe, but essentially works by causing some temporary inflammation in the lips. Takes a couple minutes to work, they won't be able to smell anything sus before or during application.

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