Just got asked to be a tech/team lead – not sure I want it (or can handle it)
Posted by marsecki@reddit | ExperiencedDevs | View on Reddit | 54 comments
Had a chat with my manager this week, and I’m still processing it.
Background about me:
- 8 years of total dev experience, mostly in small to mid-sized companies (mix of body shops and product teams)
- 4 jobs total – I joined my current company about a year ago as a Senior Developer (first official senior title)
- Most of my experience is in feature work, support, and bug fixing – not much in architecture or leadership
- Never led a team before. Honestly, I don’t even feel like I’m a “solid” senior dev yet. I’m good at working independently, but my communication and listening skills could definitely use work.
The team:
- Started with 6 devs when I joined a year ago, now grown to 12 (a lot of new hires still onboarding)
- We have 1 Engineering Manager and 1 PM/PO for the product
The plan:
Our EM recently proposed splitting the dev team into subteams to help everyone focus better. The product is big, and it’s hard for new devs to understand all parts of it. Smaller teams focusing on different areas should help with onboarding and productivity.
I supported the idea and still do — but I didn’t expect to be asked to lead one of the new subteams.
Why I’m unsure:
Yes, I might be able to handle it technically. I’ve been here longer than the other senior devs (they joined in the last 6 months), and most of the rest of the team is still early mid-level or junior.
But I genuinely don’t feel like I have enough leadership or architectural experience to do this well. Sure, this could be a great opportunity to gain that experience — but I’m worried I’ll burn out in 6 months.
There’s already a disconnect between engineering and product, we get arbitrary deadlines from customers, and there’s a lot of firefighting. As a lead, I’d likely be stuck in the middle of all that. I’m not sure I want that stress, or if I can be the buffer between management and the team without it seriously affecting my peace of mind.
I don’t want to leave the company. I like the team, the tech is solid, and the company seems stable. But I’m afraid if I take this on, I’ll end up quitting within a year — and I really don’t want that either.
I know for someone aspiring to be an EM or Director, this would be a great first step. But I’m more of an IC, and I genuinely like the focus and clarity that comes with it.
I’m currently leaning toward accepting this on a temporary basis — maybe for 3 to 6 months — with a clear expectation that the company will either hire or promote someone else into the role afterward. Another option I’ve been considering is a shared tech lead setup, where I split responsibilities with someone else on the team. That way, we avoid burnout and make it more sustainable. I genuinely want our team to succeed, but not at the cost of my mental health. I'm open to ideas — what other options have worked for people in similar situations?
JonnyBGoodF@reddit
I've been a tech lead for a few years now. It's a miserable existence. I highly recommend against it.
subjectivelyrealpear@reddit
How come? It's my job and I love it, so curious to understand other experiences.
I do barely code now and I do miss it, but it's really rewarding helping people progress in their jobs and grow.
JonnyBGoodF@reddit
Depends where you work I suppose. I have to build full end to end features, lead other engineers, set roadmaps, give demos to stakeholders, and more. It's nonstop pressure and critical priorities. That said, I do have a lot of gratitude for having a job and being able to provide for my family.
prana_fish@reddit
Not OP, but my take is it's tough when you DO want to grow the careers of your reports, but this is usually in direct opposition to what needs to get done and the beatings of management above you. So you end up caring about your people, but if the management doesn't and you want to grow your own career, it can often involve beating the shit out of your own employees to get things done. There can only be so much growth-oriented, career progressing work to be done in X amount of time vs. bullshit grunt work.
mxdx-@reddit
We should have a support group because i feel like that also. It's a miserable existence of being accountable to the max with no real powers. You reach that level in your company...you're branded forever. Wanna go back to being an IC? Management can't let you do that you're the top gun (or so they say) and you're above senior money.
To the weary traveler stubling upon this post... It's a trap. Don't let your ego fool you!
throwingaway4949@reddit
Why..?
FarYam3061@reddit
because they work on a shitty product for a shitty company
throwingaway4949@reddit
🤣🤣🤣
retroroar86@reddit
That’s what I’m thinking also. Unless a team and organization is highly functional, the whole situation will be miserable.
ExperiencedDevs-ModTeam@reddit
Rule 4: No "Which Offer Should I Take" Posts
Asking if you should ask for a raise, switch companies (“should I work for company A or company B”), “should I take offer A or offer B”, or related questions, is not appropriate for this sub.
This includes almost any discussion about a “hot market”, comparing compensation between companies, etc.
SubjectAd5810@reddit
It's good to do once so you can learn why you'll never want to do it again
JoeHagglund@reddit
I’ve been one, and feel like it is a sort of title inflation for me. I don’t believe I’m a lead and would prefer being an IC for the rest of my career.
SubjectAd5810@reddit
The tech lead role is the definition of responsibility without authority
Calm_Personality3732@reddit
if you are really strong architect you dont need authority, just influence
SubjectAd5810@reddit
A tech lead is not an architect
-fallenCup-@reddit
This is the right answer. However, you might learn that you love it and always want to lead.
Kaizen321@reddit
Exactly. Did it once and nah no extra pay and a lot more responsibility. Since some companies don’t consider it a real title, that’s how they weasel out.
But I’ve known some people where they are good at it and sets them in a manager path
ginwakeup@reddit
Don't do it; unless you really like being a manager, this is not going to be nice, and you might actually fail at it and lose your job. I've seen people getting promoted and then fired because of lack of soft and management skills, and the company gave them no management training: no kidding.
lost_tacos@reddit
The hardest thing is realizing that you will not get to write as much code as you think you should. A lot of time is spent managing tech details, managing your team, and also managing outwards (pm, em, etc)
The second hardest thing is being considered the expert on what your team is building. You are responsible for all the code created by your teammates. Pay close attention to pull requests and speak up if there is something you do not don't.
Lastly, you are probably going to be responsible for estimating the scope of work. Be very conservative, then pad that estimate even more.
It's a good feeling when things go well, and crappy when things dont.
Visual-Blackberry874@reddit
Unless the pay rise is massive I wouldn’t bother.
It’s not worth the added responsibility.
ch0sen_0ne@reddit
What’s considered massive? Would total comp rise of > 35% be considered enough to go from senior ic -> lead?
unrebigulator@reddit
I don't want to be team lead, but 35% might just about convince me.
bante@reddit
Only do it if it comes with a significant pay rise and training.
My_Name_Is_Not_Mark@reddit
I've been in this position before, and was fortunate to be able to have a co-lead. It really worked out for us, since I was more technical and had less leadership skills, and he had more leadership skills but was less technical. So we ended up balancing each other out.
costco_meat_market@reddit
I’m a lead at my company but I’m happy with even with the increased stress and responsibilities. My pay is not in line with other lead roles. However, the leadership work of communication, management in addition to coding keeps me going.
mistyskies123@reddit
The best dev teams I've worked in had someone acting as the team's architect and a co-partner acting in a more "team"-based lead role.
This idea.may have fallen out of fashion recently but doesn't mean it doesn't work very well.
Many companies recognise there's a difference at lead level in the type of leads there are (more tech vs team focused).
No harm in suggesting this, or suggesting a trial for 3 or so months.
Who knows, you could end up making things better.
cuntsalt@reddit
I wouldn't, experience:
Beyond miserable. It's a project manager stopgap role intended to make up for the fact that most PMs can barely click a link anymore. I have been asked to split identical tickets across sprints for developers (PM job), assign tickets out to developers (PM job), update passwords in a spreadsheet (PM job). Meanwhile, if I try to do my actual job and ticket a bug (an actual bug, not a tech debt payment), it languishes in the "not approved by PM yet" backlog for the next approximately dozen years.
The one project I do enjoy TL on, the PM is technical enough to know how to operate a computer and actually does his part of the job. Another project, I work with a native English speaker who can just barely string a coherent sentence together (if you ignore that punctuation is a thing) and thinks it's more efficient to send a two minute screen recording full of confusing image sizing instructions and vague "this is the gold standard we're looking for" instruction (term used loosely) versus "here is the breakpoint, use this pixel size."
All of this for no extra pay.
YMMV if you're in a more sane, less dysfunctional organization. From your description of disconnect, arbitrary deadlines, and firefighting -- sounds like your experience would be at least passably similar to mine.
HeyHeyJG@reddit
Tech lead is as difficult a role as front line manager. Two of the hardest jobs in a software org, but they were certainly great for my growth. I've done both and boomeranging back to the IC track now.
ikariw@reddit
Are you someone who is comfortable speaking to people, explaining things in a non-technical way to product and do you feel comfortable (politely) pushing back on unrealistic or unreasonable expectations? I would say those are the three main skills you'll need given what you've written.
I'm not sure your plan for them to hire someone else in 3 months will work, the reality is they probably won't bother. Sharing the role isn't a bad idea - although you will still need to do the things above at least you will have someone else alongside you.
This could be the opportunity to improve the firefighting and disconnect if you feel you will get listened to.
Spunky_Pineapple@reddit
I shared this role and it was miserable because the other person wanted full control without context (I had been on the team for >2 years and they had transferred from another team), and basically refused to work as a team and constantly tried to block me out of meetings with leadership as well as actively trying to sabotage me in the role. It worked out very poorly for the very-hands-off engineering manager as the whole team spent so much time complaining about him that they transferred him off after 6 months, and I asked for the official promotion and they said maybe in another 6 months, so I politely declined to continue doing unpaid work. That EM only lasted another 6 months on our team and just told us to manage ourselves.
The whole experience completely put me off ever wanting to do team lead work again.
CooperNettees@reddit
you dont want to do it. EM is trying to delegate their job. just say no.
Intelligent-Chain423@reddit
Do you want to code or do more management? Do you want more responsibility? More meetings? More shit to keep up with?
I want to code and where my passion lies.
DoubtPast2815@reddit
I'd tell them you can pick up as much as you can as a senior first and see how you get on so you can test the waters. Or you'll go to Lead in the interim (with the pay) until they can get an experienced one in. There's nothing better than hiring your own boss.
StillEngineering1945@reddit
TL;DR Say yes.
marsecki@reddit (OP)
¯_(ツ)_/¯
StillEngineering1945@reddit
> Yes, I might be able to handle it technically. I’ve been here longer than the other senior devs (they joined in the last 6 months), and most of the rest of the team is still early mid-level or junior.
TL is not about technical stuff. You are still thinking as an engineer. You are fine.
> But I genuinely don’t feel like I have enough leadership or architectural experience to do this well. Sure, this could be a great opportunity to gain that experience — but I’m worried I’ll burn out in 6 months.
The only way to get this xp is to lead. Most of the leaders have a tail of leadership jobs not because they are so good. It is because the only way to be a leader is to lead and learn, make mistakes, burn companies but keep learning.
> There’s already a disconnect between engineering and product, we get arbitrary deadlines from customers, and there’s a lot of firefighting. As a lead, I’d likely be stuck in the middle of all that. I’m not sure I want that stress, or if I can be the buffer between management and the team without it seriously affecting my peace of mind.
There is always a disconnect! This is WHY there is engineering and product. You don't be in the middle. You are going to see things FOR REAL. Imagine how much you can help engineers to do the right thing instead of yet another bullshit some TL agreed on because he was just tired.
> I don’t want to leave the company. I like the team, the tech is solid, and the company seems stable. But I’m afraid if I take this on, I’ll end up quitting within a year — and I really don’t want that either.
What if you don't take it, they hire TL and in a year he moves up two levels while you are stuck being an engineer. What if company goes bust in a year and you lost your chance to try something?
> I know for someone aspiring to be an EM or Director, this would be a great first step. But I’m more of an IC, and I genuinely like the focus and clarity that comes with it.
EM or Directors are the same programming. You just work with people, a lot of uncertainty and you read other books. It is like x-bool logic: true, false, maybe, nobody knows in real life. Really, you learned programming and you can learn leadership (whatever it means in your context). You can start with this approach and later switch to something more humane.
> I’m currently leaning toward accepting this on a temporary basis — maybe for 3 to 6 months — with a clear expectation that the company will either hire or promote someone else into the role afterward. Another option I’ve been considering is a shared tech lead setup, where I split responsibilities with someone else on the team. That way, we avoid burnout and make it more sustainable. I genuinely want our team to succeed, but not at the cost of my mental health. I'm open to ideas — what other options have worked for people in similar situations?
Don't share and don't got temporary. Otherwise you won't take it seriously. You are trying to play it safe. It shows. Everybody is going to see that you are not confident and going to shit on you. Go all in and rock it!
pheasant___plucker@reddit
"Technical lead is not about technical stuff". I'm not sure how that can possibly be true in any universe.
pigtrickster@reddit
Great response.
Responses to do it or not do it are not helpful without justification or understanding who the OP is.
A few questions for the OP :
bwainfweeze@reddit
I would push them to groom someone else to be a second lead. Someone who either you see eye to eye with or catches your mistakes. Make sure the manager is willing to break ties when the two of you can’t see eye to eye on things, and you’ll be a lot happier than being thrust in charge of what is a fairly large number of underlings.
pheasant___plucker@reddit
It sucks. You'll never get enough extra to make it worthwhile. Okay maybe you will in a small percentage of cases, and maybe some people actually like it. OTOH if you are seriously ambitious it is a stepping stone of course to engineering manager and then head of engineering! But yeah who wants to do that either.
dhir89765@reddit
If they asked you, it means you're their best option and all their other options are worse.
Saying yes would be the best thing for your team and the company.
If that's not a compelling reason to you, then you're probably not leadership material.
Usernamecheckout101@reddit
I did it for a few years and went back to full time dev, never happier
DeathByWater@reddit
Tips for tech leads just starting to be tech leads:
GrapefruitMammoth626@reddit
If someone has asked you, then that makes it easier to go for it. You can also be clear that you have some concerns about it and that it is new territory but also communicate that you will try your best. If it’s causing you stress you could ask them to give you a six month trial and if it doesn’t work out you can revert back to previous position. If you stop doing feature work, and start delegating, you should be able to repurpose your time to do the tech lead role and get your brain into that mode of thinking. Probably a lot of context switching required as you oversee multiple members handling different tickets and lining up future tickets.
vansterdam_city@reddit
As a tech lead who has mentored many new tech leads, the number one defining factor for success is that you actually want the job.
It’s natural for the EM to ask their most senior / competent IC to take on some of these responsibilities. But if you actually enjoy IC more and want to keep doing that, don’t start accepting or it will be pretty hard to get off the train.
You will either have to quit or become so incompetent that they backfill you, neither of which is good for your career compared to happily staying an IC.
racefever@reddit
Are they bumping your pay? If not, decline. This sounds like the typical middle management idea to offload work to someone else with no benefit to the victim.
Fuck ‘em.
WorldWarPee@reddit
Resisting the urge to write some really salty comment rn. I've been the interim team lead at two different companies now and it's been shite lmao.
notmyxbltag@reddit
So I think there's a few things to consider here:
• Taking on a new role where you lead a team of 12 will likely mean that you're going to stretch and flail a little bit. That's okay, because that's also how you grow! If you do well in the role you'll likely acclimate to the work, but it will take 6-12 months to get there, and that time will be stressful. So you really should ask whether the potential for career growth is worth the stress.
• You should check-in with yourself to see if you'll feel supported in the role. Stretching and growing is always hard, but it becomes a lot easier if you have a good manager and trust in all directions. Do you have that, or are you getting tossed into a tire fire and asked to save it?
• It sounds like you've done the shared tech lead thing before. Is this solo-tech-lead a natural next step for you? Are you reaching for the safe thing you've done before rather than stretching yourself? Are you happy with that?
If you've got trust with your management I'd take the role as a trial, but drop the caveat that they promote someone into the role in six months. If you find you're supported and growing in a way that makes you happy, keep at it. If you hate it, just wave the white flag at 3 months and let your manager figure it out. A good manager shouldn't ding you for "tried to stretch into something new and found out it wasn't for them".
marcusroar@reddit
You should have a frank conversation about remuneration. You can say something along the lines of being excited about new responsibility but wanting fairness in your pay to reflect this. Don’t let an internal promotion let them off the hook for this.
They’ll likely say vague things about “performance review cycles”, and “salary bands”, but I think you should feel comfortable being blunt and pushing back on expecting a pay rise when you move into the role officially. You should be able to have blunt convos with mngmt for this new role.
Ask for information: what is my salary band, where do I sit, what is the band for the new role.
Come with information: glass door tech lead salary ranges for your area.
This is not a one way door for you, if you hate it you can always go back.
Ask them about training budget to work on the skills you’ll need for the new role. Obviously recommend the managers path, as this role seems to have people management.
keep_on_traveling@reddit
I was asked to be the lead after 6 months of joining the team/co. It started out stressful but I learned a lot and was able to fix many of the team's problems. Eventually became the manager a year later which continued my growth. Generally, I feel good about my decision. Hard to say if the raises mapped to the effort but being paid to learn and grow was a good deal to me. I'm confident in my engineering abilities that I can switch back to an IC with some refresher but now can interview more intelligently on the softer skills.
biofio@reddit
I had almost this exact same thing happen on my team a few years back - we had a team of 12-ish, we split into two sub teams, and two people became leads of each subteam.
Based on what happened with my team, yeah if you transition you’re gonna be dealing with product and doing non technical stuff way more. Both at pretty much some point (and it didn’t take very long) stopped doing any significant coding at all.
I will also say both those people handled things slightly differently, one eventually became a manager and the other remained quite technical. For the technical one it definitely helped him grow a lot technically and non technically.
The options you’re saying sound a bit questionable though to me… You can talk to your manager but I feel like if you’re not ready to be a lead/unwilling then it would be a lot more disruptive to have you back out of it in 3-6 months vs just choosing someone a bit less qualified but more willing.
brik94@reddit
Lol for the temporary basis what are you gonna do if they drag their feet and never actually end up hiring/promoting a new lead. From their POV if you can do it for 6 months then you can do it long term
UnnamedBoz@reddit
I’m kinda in a position to take a leadership role where I work. However, I know I probably won’t take it (unless the pay rise is quite significant) because I don’t really want to lead a team that don’t care.
You have to stand with your principles on this, on what you personally want, and what you personally require of people you lead.
I work where I work because of a certain pay and flexibility, but taking charge is a different thing. I already struggle with some co-workers because they essentially never learn anything new, and as a leader I wouldn’t stand for it. Unless the pay was insane I wouldn’t tolerate it in the long run, no way I could justify it.
marsecki@reddit (OP)
thank you for the perspective! yea, building effective relationships with co-workers will be a good piece of the pie as well.