Hey Reddit, I need some advice from some brilliant and slightly evil minds.

My girlfriend’s roommate is completely out of control. She acts like she’s the landlord, the cops, and the neighborhood committee all rolled into one. I’ve been trying to stay cool, but honestly, someone needs to humble her — creatively, of course.

She once accused my girl of stealing her umbrella in the most textbook passive-aggressive tone you can imagine — something like: “Hey 🥲 have you seen my umbrella? Because I can’t find it anymore and it was right here…” Like, girl, chill.

Then she freaked out because two potatoes were fried once. According to her, the smell lasted three days and “this house isn’t made for frying.” I mean... come on. It’s not a monastery.

She uses a filter jug filled with regular old tap water — you know, from the public sink like the rest of us — and then had the nerve to ask my girlfriend to split the €5.80 cost of the filter. Because she had two glasses. She literally tried to tax her for faucet water.

Oh, and apparently moving one of her towels during cleaning is a capital offense. My girl didn’t even use it — just moved it to wipe down the sink — and that triggered a whole meltdown.

Meanwhile, this same roommate leaves the bathroom disgusting, the stove dirty, and treats her own mess like it’s invisible. She also hides stuff around the apartment like she’s living with raccoons, and flips out if anyone dares touch one of her “sacred objects.”

To top it all off, she complains about oven use or lights being left on, like she’s running a utility bootcamp. She actually said the bill went up €40 because of this. Sis, this isn’t a coin-operated kitchen.

And yes — this is real — she accused my girlfriend of stealing a napkin. One. Single. Napkin.

So yeah, I’m trying to help my girlfriend keep her peace, but I’d also love to add a little balance to the universe with some harmless, creative chaos.

What we can do?