So many divorce-related "I'm happier they're gone" posts. Did anyone stay friends with their former spouse or long-term partner?
Posted by catherinecornelius@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 172 comments
I recently had the most amicable breakup of my existence, completely mutual after becoming different people after ~13 years. We both want to stay friends, and I think it might actually work (not approaching from total blind optimism, definitely no hopes to get back together from either side, don't worry).
Does anyone have stories? We don't have kids, but successful co-parenting tales work too.
No questions about my situation please, I just wanna hear about yours!
PlantWide3166@reddit
I am, actually we get/got along better than ever AFTER we divorced.
Funny old world.
Some-Tear3499@reddit
I get along with my ex-wife of 17 yrs of marriage and now 17 yrs of being divorced from her. I rarely speak to her unless it is required, usually someone died, or one of the old family pets died. There was a cat that lived over 21 yrs. And later this summer I will ask if she can watch my dog for a wk. she has done this before.
Wintermoon54@reddit
Yes. J. and I were friends after we met in 1989. We started dating in 1990 and got married that same year. We were married for 23 years and since our divorce in 2013, weve connected and stayed in touch all of the time. Sometimes I think our friendship now is better than our marriage was (or better than what it became). He's my family, my favorite person in the world, a dear, empathetic, silly guy and I'm grateful we are still in each other's lives.
Content_Drummer6856@reddit
Married for almost 20 years, 2 kids together. Started off as friends and will end as friends. There have been strained moments, but we still enjoy a laugh together.
Now we enjoy the best parts of each other instead of enduring the worst!
Fun-Distribution-159@reddit
me and my ex wife became friends after a while after our divorce. we reconnected and we apologized to each other and got a bit more like we were when we first met. then her husband killed her and killed himself.
PreferenceNo7524@reddit
Jeez! I'm so sorry! That's heartbreaking.
Positive_Chip6198@reddit
Sorry for you loss, man.
Fun-Distribution-159@reddit
thank you, its our kids that got it the worst though. fortunately they were all grown up, but it was, and still is, brutal for them and they still haven't recovered. there is no manual for something like that and i struggled so much trying to help them navigate through their grief
_HOBI_@reddit
I’m sorry they went through something so traumatic. My husband’s mom was murdered by her best friend’s son. It was brutal on so many levels. It took my husband 10 yrs to really stabilize and then he did EMDR therapy and it changed everything for the better. I hope your kids can get the help they need because it’s an impossible thing to carry without help.
Haunting-Prior-NaN@reddit
… fuck
molsmama@reddit
Jesus. That took a terrible turn.
bdubz74@reddit
Damn dude, your comment should come with a warning. I was like “aww, that’s nice” then BAM!
emax4@reddit
Literally and figuratively.
alvehyanna@reddit
Still good friends with my ex-wife and my wife of 15 years doesnt even mind. I tended to be friends with my partners before getting romantic so in almost all cases we reverted to friends after. Ex I were married 7 years.
SenatorBeers@reddit
I remain friends with my ex. Coming to realize two people can live each other but not be right together was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
funzys@reddit
I am living this right now. Couldn’t have said it better.
raisinghellwithtrees@reddit
A lot of relationships involve people growing in different directions as they age. There's not really any right or wrong or fault, just not compatible anymore.
Though my divorce wasn't mutual (I initiated it), we were determined to remain amicable for the sake of our kid. We divorced after 16 years of marriage and 18 years of friendship, and we remain friends 15 years later.
He is friends with my now husband (been together for 15 years, married 13), and is a caring uncle to my son with my second husband. We see each other weekly, and we are all friends.
prairiescary@reddit
My ex-husband and I are still good friends. I think if you follow your gut and try not to listen to what everyone else says you should do, you’ll end up making a decision that works for you.
thebluelunarmonkey@reddit
Stories? How about 2 military couples got divorced in the same year and swapped partners? Me: K(m). Ex: ST(f). Other couple R(m) and SE(f) who had a young son.
Ex-wife #1: amicable after the first year I left her.
Ex-wife #2 hope she rots in hell. So not amicable.
Didn't have kids. I stayed friends with ST's parents and commanded to visit when I'm nearby in my home state.
Was at my first base (only 90 minutes from my hometown) and apparently was riding thru a place the locals cruised at on weekends, and she hollered from her girlfriend's car 'hey cutie pull over'. I was 19 she 17.
7-8 years later, I left ST due to incompatibility. ST was a spendaholic and breaking me and fibbing about how much she paid for things. Realized later the not having kids was a 'my idea' thing, not mutual.
After we got married, we got restationed to FL. We both became best friends with another military couple (R & SE), We lived on-base (on a barrier island 1100ft wide where our house was, so had to evacuate when the wind blowed) R & SE lived offbase and I remember all of us riding out a hurricane at their house on the mainland. Or if ST wanted to go somewhere but I had finals, I'd suggest she go with R or SE or both. We four were tight, not in a swinging way at all.
R & SE divorced before ST & I divorced (all same year). And swapped partners when we were all single again. SE and I first started dating. ST got slightly stalkerish, I remember SE would raise the garage door and I'd zoom in on my bike because ST would 'patrol' both our homes. ST mellowed out when she started dating R.
I dated SE a few months. SE wanted to get serious while I was dating 2-3 other women - settling down just wasn't me. SE and I were sexually adventurous, while ST and R were not. ST married R and still married over 25 years with 3 kids. ST would have never met R because we got restationed at a base they were at. I credit myself for their being together.
I don't talk to ST directly (wouldn't want an ex to talk with my wife if I were married) but sure ST knows via her parents, I'm happy ST married R. ST and I are not connected via social, but I am with ST's mom. If for some reason I had to communicate with ST, it would be thru R. I don't want in any way to interfere with their marriage.
Ex-wife #2 makes Satan look like a good guy and hopes she rots in hell for the shit she put me thru. Lied about DV and eventually forced me out of the military despite having video evidence of her 1) faking a 911 call and 2) throwing a knife at me, both for 'because I was ignoring her'. Even Ex-wife #1 sent a notarized affidavit I had never been like that with her. Ex#2's accusations were dismissed twice, so she kept piling new accusations on even tho we had no contact until I ran out of funds for attorney (thanks to debt from Ex#1) and had to plead no contest to stop the endless accusations. Two years of court and dread. Left CA after I was discharged.
Due to the mistrust I still have 25 years later and refuse to let a girl spend the weekend with me, except the one time a girl got stranded at my house in an ice storm. Completely stopped dating in 2018 and glad.
Miss_L_Worldwide@reddit
I wouldn't say we are friends but we are friendly, no reason to have any drama.
FKpasswords@reddit
No, my ex is a psycho……
twcsata@reddit
We’ve stayed friends, to a degree. We divorced because her health issues were making it impossible to stay together, and she was putting our kids in danger. (Not maliciously; she was just making really poor decisions due to the mental illness.) Once we were apart, and not under that pressure, she started getting consistent treatment. Nowadays she’s about half the person she was when our marriage was doing well. So we get along now. But I wouldn’t call us close, either…I can forgive her for all that happened, and I can even move on—I mean, I got remarried, even—but I can’t forget, and it’s always going to color our relationship at least a little.
Wooden-Glove-2384@reddit
Girlfriend of 2.5 years.
No
tupeloredrage@reddit
Both of them. Or at least I'm civil with wife number one. Wife number two and I are friendly.
mjh8212@reddit
Still friends with my ex husband he’s part of my life. We were together 13 years we hated each other for a while but we’ve talked. He adopted my two kids so we have kids together but they’re adults and we have a grandchild. I was in a bad spot and he was too he had me move back in with him to help us both. I stayed around a year and got my own place. While we lived together we had separate rooms we didn’t even hug each other or anything we’re just friends. After I moved out they moved to a southern state a thousand miles away. Our youngest her daughter and my father all still live with my ex husband and when I fly down for a visit I stay at their house. My husband is fine with it. He thought it was weird in the beginning but he’s seen how I interact with my ex husband and knows I have no romantic feelings toward him anymore. We went through a lot in our 13 year relationship.
jnp2346@reddit
We were married for 25 years, but were mostly just roommates the last 6 years. We have one child together.
When we had the meeting to tell our son, he said he was fine with the divorce provided we still do things together as a family on occasion.
9 years after the divorce, we still go to movies or to dinner together on occasion. She is a close friend. We were never adversarial during the separation and later divorce.
Straitoutahelgen@reddit
I did. Kids provide incentive. We don't go out together or anything, but it's all very civil and friendly.
Traditional_Fan_2655@reddit
Yes. When he got sick with cancer, I moved back into our old house where he still lived. I looked after him until the cancer took him over 3 1/2 years after his diagnosis of 6 mos. We were lucky.
Gen_X_MenoBadass@reddit
I did. My ex and I live 3 blocks from one another for custody. That will end next year when my lease is up and our kiddo graduates this year. We do not hang out regularly, but once in a while a concert or something comes up that his new lady doesn’t care to see and I’ll go, or with our son we will have a family night.
I also help keep an eye on my aging MIL when they go out of town. She can’t drive so I go check on her.
He’s come over and helped me w a few heavy lifting or shelf hang projects.
I get along great w his new lady (of 10 years) and we do fitness classes together once in a while and send each other food or goodies when we try new recipes.
chills1138@reddit
My first ex wife and I were still friends. Right after the divorce things were hard, but a year or so later she reached out and we started talking (ended up living in different states) and became friends. We let the past go; she was an important part of my life. We just weren’t right as a married couple.
My current wife (14 years together) never saw an issue. The ex and I only texted once or twice a month. Sadly, she passed away, last year. I went to her funeral and my old in-laws were so nice.
Ironically, the last text my ex sent me was “I should come visit and meet your wife and kids.”
_RLW_@reddit
My ex-wife and I split up after 5 years of marriage. We had a 3 year old at the time so we were in constant contact together as we co-parented our daughter. My now wife came along when my daughter was 6. They bonded immediately and my ex got along fine with my girlfriend (now wife). That was 22 years ago and my wife and ex-wife are friends who communicate with each other. I am close friends still with ex-wife. We invite her to come stay with us for holidays and she offers me a place to stay when I visit my former hometown where she still lives.
Tasty-Swimming2138@reddit
My ex-long term gf was my best man at my wedding and my wife officiated her wedding 😂 The 3 of us are bffs. It can be gold to realize what you are and are not :)
ProfessionalField508@reddit
I have good friends that did. We are all ex-evangelicals and marriage was such an idol that was forced on many of us. They get along fine now, but were just young and immature when they got married, not really knowing who they were. Both are in happy, stable relationships now. We're all much happier after that phase of life.
My ex, on the other hand, won't have anything to do with me. I suspect it's because he started flirting with his current wife while we were together (and she knows it). He doesn't live anywhere near me anyway, and my life has been good without him, so no biggie. I dunno if he ever left the faith.
HandaZuke@reddit
My ex had an awful drug audition that ended up really bad for us. After we split she really hit rock bottom nearly getting killed in a warehouse fire. I was happy never hearing from her.
10 years later she was in a 12 step program and apologizing and asking for forgiveness. Not to get back together but just for her to move forward with her life.
She found god, got educated and has an amazing career and a new life with a partner and kids. we are able to be friendly now. We’re not best buds or anything but every so often we can catch up on each other’s lives.
Ok-Rock2345@reddit
I would not say friends, but we are civil. We know we can call on each other if we have an emergency, like, for example, if we need a ride to the hospital.
We don't hang out, but we genuinely wish each other well. Also, when my kids go on a rant about her, as I'm sure they do to her about me, I remind them that she is doing what she thinks is best for them.
Borderlinecuttlefish@reddit
Sure did. A near on 20 year partnership came to an end after many varied reasons, mainly my bad health, but it was almost unnoticeable by our 3 kids that we had split.
My ex and I remain very friendly with each other, and I regularly crash out at her place on the couch for a few days to just hang out with the kids (and kitties). We still send money to each other if in need and often refuse to take it back.
We also do this knowing we are better off apart and it's got nothing to do with our past but everything to do with our kids future.
WabiSabi0912@reddit
My ex is still one of my best friends. He’s not a bad person or a bad parent- just a crappy husband (for me).
Neither of us have changed our estate plans- we’re still each other’s healthcare advanced directives and emergency contact.
IBroughtWine@reddit
I’ve stayed cordial to friendly with my exes. I know if I ever needed anything I could call them up without hesitation. Same goes for them.
tuffdadsf@reddit
I was very fortunate to have a near perfect relationship with my first husband. We were together for 6 years (25 years ago) and when we got to the end of our relationship we were amicable and continued being in each others lives. As time went on he became the godfather to my son, and his parents are still my kid's third set of grandparents who we visit with as much as possible. I never stopped loving him, though we weren't "in love" with each other anymore. He was at my second wedding and he eventually got married again, too. We both went on to having the greatest and longest relationships with our now husbands.
Unfortunately he died this past August. I am still wracked with feelings and think of him daily. The only regret I have is that I wish I got a little more time with him before he left us.
blitzmama@reddit
My ex cheated with a young woman, didn’t talk to one of his kids for years because he didn’t want to talk about his cheating, tried to hide money so he didn’t have to pay child support and once he had a new baby with the new wife didn’t give a sh*t about his existing 3 kids who were teens and up. He would gas light me about everything , lied in court and got caught, so no, we don’t talk much. I had to get everything said in writing per the court because of his sleazy ways. Wish it could have gone better for my kiddos but good riddance. They’re adults now and maybe talk to him once or twice a year on the phone. I have a good relationship with all 3.
Wally_Paulnuts009@reddit
Yup, married in ‘94- no kids, divorced in 2005… was rough at first but we kinda grew up together, buried parents together ect. Decided to still be friendly… We’re both happily remarried, live on different coasts & are internet buddies with still similar tastes in music, books, film Ect. All good.
RevolutionaryAccess7@reddit
That’s not weird for your partner? I’m betting money it really is.
Wally_Paulnuts009@reddit
Nope, she’s a well adjusted person. Confident, intelligent, strong… Not on any psych meds. I’m a pretty lucky guy.
RevolutionaryAccess7@reddit
No. If they are an ex, beyond some bad incapability that showed up “right away”, there is a reason they are an Ex. I have more positive and healthy things to do than reconnect with past mistakes.
Old_Till2431@reddit
I'm civil with my ex-wife. I wasn't the best person, she wasn't the most faithful. 15 years later, I heard about the "one that got away" 🙄🙄🙄. Our daughter rolled her eyes and very much told her in unadulterated English... yeah you fucked that up. But we are civil lol
slouchenheimer@reddit
Yes, she is my "old lady" now. "Life partner" is stale - she agrees. We are best friends and take care of each other. We weren't married, but it was my last relationship and we were together for five years. The dog kind of kept us together also.
No kids for either of us. She is part of my family and comes to my parents' place for holidays and on vacations with us. She is the beneficiary on my life insurance policy.
We like lots of the same music/movies and are almost identical politically.
LongDuckDong1974@reddit
Sorry no. I hate my ex wife with every fiber of my soul
obnoxiousdrunk77@reddit
No. My ex got cruel during fights and I cut all ties. I don't need that in my life.
BunchitaBonita@reddit
Goodness, no. In fact, the best thing about being child free is that I have never had to see my ex husband ever again.
kuruman67@reddit
Absolutely cannot stand mine.
spyrogyria@reddit
Apparently I am not mature enough.
Ryyah61577@reddit
I tried to, but my ex and her family told me that we would be cordial. I pictured joint holidays, opening presents together with our daughter. The day I was gone, I suddenly became "a heathen who is going to hell."
fire_breathing_bear@reddit
Never married.
Used to stay friends with ex GFs.
But lately it’s not worth the effort.
One thing I’ve noticed is that I’ve never felt “I should have tried harder with her.”
But I often feel I should have gotten out earlier.
chopper5150@reddit
Sure, it can work. Like you said, you're still friends, just kind of grew apart. The biggest obstacle will be when one of you starts seeing someone else. The new partner could have a problem with it, or once someone else is in the picture, one of you starts to move on, slowly cutting the other out of the picture, while the other wants to remain friends.
PoppyConfesses@reddit
I just posted above that two of my friends are going through this right now😢
chopper5150@reddit
Right, it seems all good when both people are single, but when one decides it's best to move on and the other is still emotionally attached, someone will get hurt.
PoppyConfesses@reddit
my one friend has been devastated – I think in her heart that person was always "in the wings" for her, in case she changed her mind, and now he isn't😭
DBBKF23@reddit
Not me, but my mutual friends of 30+ years divorced two years ago and are still friends.
ilikecats415@reddit
We're not friends, but we've always been friendly. We regularly attended things together for our son and had joint family celebrations for him. We came into each other's homes and chatted during custody exchanges and sat together at all his extracurricular stuff.
Our kid is in college now so we rarely see each other or even speak anymore because we don't have to. But there is no ill will at all. Last year we even met up after a concert I'd taken our son to that he also happened to be at with his wife.
GalianoGirl@reddit
My ex tried his best to destroy me after our marriage ended. Parental alienation, financial abuse, some of the terms of our separation agreement were never fulfilled on his part, almost $300,000 that I was to receive he spent. There is no way to get it from him, even with a judgement.
But over 10 years later we do keep in touch, both his parents have died, we have adult children.
Not friends, more old acquaintances.
JelloButtWiggle@reddit
I left my husband, who was my high school sweetheart after 12 years of marriage. He wasn’t a bad person, he wasn’t abusive, or an addict, he provided for our family. I just…outgrew him. We had one son who was seven at the time.
The first few years were kinda prickly, but we fell into a good place where we could communicate and be friendly. He was always a great dad, so that was never an issue. We had shared parenting and he was always an active and engaged father.
He got cancer a few years ago, and passed away in December. I was taken aback by how devastated I was. I was able to see him and say what I needed to say to him, but I still think of him every day. It was like losing someone I grew up with. We had been together since I was 15. My current husband is amazing and gave me the space and freedom to grieve, which was such a blessing.
So it IS possible to divorce and have a good relationship with your ex. But it helps is they are a good person to begin with. Which my ex was. One of a kind. RIP Charlie.
Brownie-0109@reddit
“I will not be taking questions at this time “
West-Cabinet-2169@reddit
Nope. I moved continents to avoid mine and had a tiny bit of contact years ago, and that was the last time. I don't want anything to do with them, except to have some of my photos back that I took on an amazing trip around SE Asia.
Realistic-Question79@reddit
Yes together 16 years worked on it for 2 more years separated at 18 years and still co parenting roommates
143019@reddit
I am friends with my ex and weirdly, we text and chat more now than when we were married. But I am still happy to be divorced
stationeryvillage@reddit
i am happier not being their spouse, living with them, etc, but we are still friends! coparenting and still doing family hangouts once in a while, texting each other goofy stuff, that kind of thing. it is much better this way.
eastbaypluviophile@reddit
I stay friends where possible. It really depends on the person. For example I haven’t spoken to my first husband in almost 25 years but a few weeks ago had an old boyfriend (we dated in the mid 80s) over to my home for lunch and had a great time.
I’m still friends with my most recent ex and that was a horrible breakup. He wrote me a letter apologizing for the way he had treated me during our relationship. Surprised the hell out of me, and made me a little sad tbh. Because if he’d been able to apologize during our relationship and own his behavior, we might even still be together.
Breakups are hard.
PegShop@reddit
I have friends that are divorced that go on vacations with their new spouses all four of them together
sunningmybuns@reddit
Me
dice_mogwai@reddit
Nope. My ex was a grade A cunt. Our son cut her off completely and calls my current wife “mom”
BarbellLawyer@reddit
I have a friend who divorced after 25 years of marriage. They still live in the same house although different rooms. They get along fine.
LemonPuckerFace@reddit
I'm very happy to be out of the relationship we were in, but I'm still good friends with her. We text semi-regularly and are probably better as friends than we were in a relationship.
I'm actually good friends with almost every ex I've ever had. I'm friends with a few of their husbands too. I was even a groomsman when an ex married her new hubby.
I just don't see the point in staying angry or hating ex's. Clearly there was something I liked about them in the first place, so why not remain friends?
Virtual_Ticket8713@reddit
I prefer the term "friendly" vs. friends. Divorced after 18 years, two adult children. Lead by example for my kids. They need to see that their parents can still get along and be respectful to each other but I have no need to keep my Ex as a friend in my life.
Ok_Tanasi1796@reddit
For the sake of the kids we’re cordial. To say “friendly” would be a stretch. I’m being nice by staying listed with them on Facebook. Sheeese.
KorryBoston@reddit
I tried. In fact, I took care of him after he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. We paused our divorce, and I took all the bills back on. He went through 3 rounds of surgery (no family in sight, btw). I really wanted to make a friendship work because there was no cheating. We just grew apart after 16 years. After he recovered from his brain tumor and he was good to go back to work and live on his own, he lost his mind when he found out I was dating. He stopped speaking to me. That was almost 10 years ago.
With that said, he emailed me a few weeks ago. He wanted to say "Hi" and he had googled me and found out my dad died. I haven't emailed him back. I've moved on with my life and am married. Out of respect for my husband, it doesn't feel right to start communicating with my ex saying "hi"
therightansweristaco@reddit
I never wanted to marry. Women understood that for the most part. I have had two relationships that lasted for more than a decade. I am still friends with both. Luckily, we split for mutual reasons which helps and we were all mature enough to see that great friends are few and far between. We chose to remain friends and have for many years now. I have dinner with them whenever they make it to Denver and appreciate the opportunity to recapture the good times when I can.
When you're in love, it's about more than sex and romance. It's about having a buddy. It's about having an ear to bend. They become so close to you that letting them go completely because you cannot sleep with them has always seemed like throwing the baby out with the bathwater to me. Friends are awesome 😁
HearingDue2119@reddit
27 years no desire to be friends after
deadbwalking@reddit
Yes. My kids' dad and I were married for 20 years, and we are still good friends-we're all even still in the family group chat, haha. We basically grew up together, so I can't imagine not having him in my life.
jacksondreamz@reddit
My ex and I are best friends, still. We divorced before we began to hate each other. It wasn’t easy and there were a lot of difficult conversations but we managed to save the friendship. He’s remarried and she’s accepted our friendship. We walked into divorce court hand in hand. It can be done but it’s also work. We were married for 25 years and didn’t have children.
precious1of3@reddit
I was all for it, we even watched the Super Bowl together after I moved out, and I spent time with his family at the holidays, even after his now-wife moved in a month after I moved out. She bought a house out of state and moved him with her and that was the end of that. Now I only hear from him when he doesn’t want to pay for something for our kids (and that’s not friendly).
PotAndPansForHands@reddit
It’s been mostly amicable with the women I dated (my wife and I are poly and have both dated other people). One was very upset and cut me off but I’m friendly with the rest.
CheekyMonkey678@reddit
When I divorced about 10 years ago after a 20 year marriage it was about as amicable as you could hope for. Agreed to remain each other's emergency contacts and share responsibility and costs associated with the animals we adopted together which now resided with me. This worked until he found someone new and cut me off completely asking "what I hoped to get out of continuing the relationship" and telling me I should find a new emergency contact. Mind you I never asked him for anything and it was a clean financial split with no disagreements. For reference I was living alone in a state I wasn't from with no family. He never asked to see the animals again and started spreading lies about me to our mutual friends. Things change in ways you might never anticipate.
PoppyConfesses@reddit
wow that had to have been so hurtful 🥺 I have 2–2! friends going through something similar right now. I think it's often the new person in their lives dictating things, and obviously them letting that happen😢
Fit-Air-2476@reddit
My husband and I decided to separate after 27 years of marriage. Neither one of us could afford housing on our own, but we were lucky enough to find a property that had two separate houses with a shared driveway. I moved into one house with our 20yo son and he moved into the other with our 23yo daughter. We were still each other's family and saw each other every day. Sadly he passed away 4 years ago and I still miss him.
MooPig48@reddit
Yeah! He was a great guy, we just had no damn business marrying each other. Very sadly he passed away a couple years ago
allieoops925@reddit
I’m still friends with my second ex-husband. I never should’ve married him. I loved him more like a brother than a spouse and he was a widower who just missed being married I think. He had no family and no friends. We’ve come to rely on each other as friends. He’s literally my person.
Live-Cat9553@reddit
My first husband and I had a very amicable divorce and remain friends 20 years later. He’s a good guy, we just ran our course together.
j_grouchy@reddit
Friendly. Not friends.
I have no desire to be around her for long. I don't know how I lasted 20 years.
SpaceMonkey3301967@reddit
My ex-wife and I are still best friends and co-parent our two sons amicably. I live across the street and am over their place often, and my sons often come to stay the night with me.
GTFOakaFOD@reddit
This is the family of my dreams.
SpaceMonkey3301967@reddit
Really?
Lilredh4iredgrl@reddit
I signed the marriage license and made the flowers for my ex's second wedding.
GTFOakaFOD@reddit
I'm friends with my first husband. We haven't hung out in years (busy lives), but we text from time to time.
Context: We were married for three years, no children. The divorce was a piece of cake, and we're both very happy now.
Mysterious-Taste-804@reddit
Me. We got married young and were married for 5 years. It just didn't work out. I guess the cold way to say it was that it was a starter marriage. We stayed friends. We speak to this day and we have not been together since 2005. I wish him all the best.
phatcatrun@reddit
I’m friendly with my ex-wife because we have kids. I’m friends with my long term (almost 20 years) ex-gf because as many reasons as I have to hate her it wouldn’t make me a better person.
liquidpele@reddit
Huh? I think it's completely natural and expected to hate someone and cut them out if you have reason to do so. That doesn't mean dwell on it, it just means cut them out of your life and stop thinking about them at all which would necessitate not being friends with them.
phatcatrun@reddit
If that works for people I get it. It’s not my nature to hate. I mean I hate racists and homophobes but I can’t feel hate for the gf that would hit me or the long term gf that was mentally abusive to me and my kids. 🤷♂️ I mean I know I should but the feeling of hate doesn’t manifest.
emax4@reddit
Good point, but the ex may have redeeming qualities that make them worth keeping around. Hopefully they're not talking to each other as a backup.
GetOutTheDoor@reddit
I went through a really contentious divorce starting 10 years ago this fall. They tried to get me forced out of the house, I got the house, full custody and a restraining order. It cost dearly, too. When I see a Ferrari, I say to myself - “I’ve paid for TWO of those.”
At first I was pretty angry and bitter, They were as well, claiming I ‘gave’ them PTSD.
Their brother asked me, ‘Do you think they have PTSD?’ I said, ‘No, but they ARE a carrier.’
Anyway, 10 years out, I’m not angry, but we’re not ‘friends’, either. I just don’t think about it anymore.
WanderFish01@reddit
Yes although we didn’t speak for 8 years. Now we touch base often and have actually gone on 3 cruises together just as friends.
VoodooDonKnotts@reddit
I have a friend who still goes on the occasional vacation with his ex-wife. As in, they will go someplace together just the two of them. The went to the Florida Keys 2 years ago, just the 2 of them. He says it's like if he and I went together. I think it helps that they're both single as well. They've both had partners since the divorce but nothing long lasting. They've been divorced for 10 years or so now I believe.
It's just weird to me but they seem like good friends even though the marriage didn't work out.
kimrose9@reddit
Got together at 19, married at 21, he’s was my soul mate, is my soul mate. It was like living in a magical love bubble for 12 years but unfortunately we grew at different speeds and needed to be unmarried. Took us approx 6 years to work through the anger and the hurt, always still talking, and we are very close friends. We love each other, however, we are not IN love with each other. I believe we find each other in every lifetime.
twick2010@reddit
I’m still pretty tight with all my exes.
ststaro@reddit
I haven’t seen or talked to her since giving her share of the house. No kids and no ill will though. Just not something I really think about after 25yrs
EggandSpoon42@reddit
I am still good friends with both my ex husbands. We, including my husband, consider them family.
My first husband - he and I married and divorced before 21 years old. We grew up together and ended up high school sweethearts and our (both wealthy) families pressured us. Deep south shit. But we still to this day talk 1-2x a month, never quit being friends.
Second husband is the father of my first kid. While it was kind of infuriating, we did it. And what started with my now-husband as a stepdad grew into an even bigger, supportive family because husband's family plus ex-husband's family are the all loving hippy style, embracing the parents of the grandkids type. We still spend most christmases together at some point in the season with all the grandparents together even now that our kid is an adult.
As someone without a parantage of my own (only siblings left for the last couple decades), I super lucked out on ending up in life with a huge family.
freddbare@reddit
I have an ex wife who "stopped answering" my calls to my son. He's independent now and I see him. Would never talk to her. long term ex afterwards we have a good relationship. Been over a decade. I'm happy I'm single.
Impressive_Tea_7715@reddit
I wouldn't say best friends, but decent co-parenting relationship with the occasional argument.
considering what I have seen out there (divorced friends who were not able to set aside their differences and chose to weaponize their kids...), I am quite happy about where my ex and I landed.
w3stoner@reddit
Still in the middle of separating but still very close friends. It’s weird, I don’t know if it will last
emccm@reddit
Friendship is the foundation of any relationship.
People, women in particular, will often say they want to remain friends post-divorce simply to make the entire process smoother.
hanzobust75@reddit
Nope. Been divorced for about 5 years now and I have no desire to be friends with that person. She showed her true colors during the divorce. Being her friend would be a waste of time.
SuburbanBushwacker@reddit
a wise man once told me ‘never fall out with the mother of your children, especially if she’s fallen out with you “
16 years later its still excellent advice.
lovesriding@reddit
I do believe it depends on how the marriage ended.
If one partner cheated, chances are not friends but if they grew apart and decide marriage is just not working ya, they can be friends.
StopLookListenDecide@reddit
Tried that, he just lied in that capacity as well. It’s all for the best. Tragic part, the kids (young adults) see the bigger picture now.
figgie1579@reddit
We met in '93, had a kid in '97, broke up in 2005, and fortunately we're still friends.
Spicercakes@reddit
Fuck. No. After I left, my ex told everyone I was cheating (not true, he was). He was unemployed and had been for the last 5 years after being laid off from his design job. I thought it would be a good opportunity for him to pursue his dream of being an artist so when I did our budget I realized that I could support the both of us with my job. Instead of developing/marketing his artistic skills he hit the bottle really hard and got depressed and became miserable to live with. When I left I went and got myself an apartment and let him stay in our house. For 2 years I paid my apartments rent and I paid half the mortgage. He had money from an inheritance. I also kept him on my health insurance.
I found out that he moved his new girlfriend into our house I stopped paying those bills. When I filed for divorce I allowed him to remain in the house for one year and then we would sell it and split the proceeds. We both had to equally contribute to whatever maintenance was needed to sell the house.
He ended up moving to another state. I hadn't been to my house in a year and in that time they trashed it. I'm talking yard overgrown to the point that we were getting fines from our borough, food splattered on the walls, rodent infestation, The kitchen left in such a state that I would actually wear a mask before going into the house because it smelled so bad.
I ended up having to sue him , but only got a portion of what I should have gotten to pay for everything that he did to the house and left behind. Our divorce decree stated that we were both equally supposed to pay for anything related to the house. I got him held responsible for the vast portion of the yard work that I had to hire a landscaper to fix, (he let ivy grow up the side of the house), The rodent infestation that he caused and a few other small things. It literally took me a year to get the house in order in order to be able to sell it and when we did sell it for a profit he got half. For doing fuck all.
I hope he gets ebola.
Kestrel_Iolani@reddit
Ish? I had a starter marriage in my 20s. (When we split, there were no kids and no shared assets being CDs and books.) I moved on. I moved away, started a new life, got a career. At 40, I met someone and got married. Meanwhile, my ex never left the town she hated and just stopped. But about every six months, she'll text me. I'm nice and pleasant, because I try to me pleasant to everyone. But the fact that i count as one of her few friends breaks my heart.
hopelesscaribou@reddit
My ex is now my best friend. I know I can count on him for anything, and vice versa. Together for 18 years, besties for the last 4.
This_hoe_dumb@reddit
I’m still friends with my ex and his new wife. It made life easier. When you’ve known someone for 20+ years, it doesn’t make sense to throw out the friendship if it’s strong.
Classic_Barnacle_844@reddit
We had an amicable split but I finally broke free when her spell wore off. It took me a while to realize just how disrespectful and mean she was. Now I have minimal exposure, just to swap kids and attend events.
CallingDrDingle@reddit
Yes, we actually lived together for six months after we divorced. No child support or visitation orders. We just raised our soon together and split his expenses, you know, like adults.
FindingLovesRetreat@reddit
Same! Once we decided to get divorced we stayed in the same house for around 8 months. Then he met someone and it became a little awkward.
Fancy-Exchange4186@reddit
We did the same, only in our case we lived together for nearly a year post divorce before I bought my own house. We raised our two kids together calmly and rationally. He remarried a very nice woman who was good to the kids. We made a habit of sitting together at school events so the kids could easily see us and actually just all sat together last weekend at our younger son‘s college graduation.
That said, I love living alone and would never remarry.
Rare-Confusion-220@reddit
I (54m) got married when I was 27yo and divorced at 31yo. I then got married to my now wife at 36yo and we're very happy w three and I'm still friends with my first wife. No issues
black65Cutlass@reddit
I did not, it was a horrible marriage, and I have not spoken to her in the 3 years since the divorce. Had she been a reasonable and rational person I would have been open to being friends but that was not possible.
FindingLovesRetreat@reddit
My ex husband and I have retained a good relationship in the 20 years since our divorce. We don't talk as often as we used to but when we do, its a good laugh.
He still, to this day, maintains I was the best of all his wives - (He's had 4, I was number 2).
shmoobel@reddit
My first husband and I have been divorced for 17 years, both re-married, and we're still good friends. We just work better as friends than spouses.
Foreign_Power6698@reddit
My ex and I split up after more than ten years (childfree couple). We just found ourselves not treading the same life path anymore. It was amicable. We helped each other out in the immediate aftermath. Then I married someone else.
I still love my ex in my own way but I don’t reach out to him. He has also left the area so there is no room to meet up (and I don’t know where he moved to) but if I needed any help or advice for some reason, I know he would respond and be there. I would do the same for him.
73rd-virgin@reddit
Never dated or been married myself, but this question reminds me of one of my friends.
Back in 1990, he married a woman he'd met at a bar back in July. A few years later, he's telling me about being at the courthouse, waiting for the divorce to be finalized. He sees all the other divorcing couples hugging and wishing each other well, while he and his soon-to-be ex are exchanging fuck yous.
yodamastertampa@reddit
Red flag when a woman wants to leave you in the friend zone. Don't do it guys. You'll end up fixing her house, taking care of her cars and generally giving her what she was attracted to you for in the first place while she is out having fun with younger guys. Just say no to the friend zone.
emax4@reddit
The topic is about ex boyfriends/girlfriends and ex spouses. At that point it's below the friend zone. As a friend, either person is able to date/mate with other people as there's no obligation as a friend to be exclusive.
I've done work for an ex including replacing the power jack on her laptop. She gave me $20 for the work and $10 for the part, as Best Buy wanted $200 just to look at it. I would have done it for free. We both had faults and the ending was mutual, so it wasn't like I was trying to rip her off. Later on I designed the logo for her blog which I see in the web and merchandise, and she paid me with company, a donut and coffee. It helped me expand my tiny portfolio, but I was glad to help out a friend. Now if someone who really hurt me with malicious intent who needed those same things, I wouldn't even have replied.
angelofjag@reddit
Red flag when a man wants to only have you in the fuck zone...
NoRestForTheWitty@reddit
Red flag when a man wants to leave you in the friend zone. He likely wants a nurse and not to have to manage his own social life.
Practicing_human@reddit
😂
happycj@reddit
Yep. My first wife and I remained friends for decades. Haven’t talked now in maybe 7-10 years, but only because our lives went in different directions and we just don’t cross paths anymore.
I’ve been happily with my second wife for 16 years now, but we met when we were 40. So it took us a little time to find each other, but we are amazing together.
mangoserpent@reddit
Nope. I feel distinctly neutral. Our divorce was not pleasant and it took a lot of time and distance to get there.
Aussie_antman@reddit
Ex and I actually moved back in together just before Covid (after being living seperatly for 3 yrs) and we are still living in family home and co parenting the kids.
The main driver is my Ex works full shift work and I work normal mon-fri roster with work from home one day a week. If we were like most other divorced couples my ex just couldn't realistically 'have' the kids any more than 2-3 nights a week (mostly late shifts and night duty). I work pretty much same hours as kids school so I can be available when they are not in school. The other issue was the family home. We both agreed not to sell it because its in a great position and the capital growth is fantastic. My Ex would have zero chance of buying me out of my share with her wage. Neither of us have any interest in going back into dating scene but if that did happen we have talked about how it could be set up. For now I live in the converted garage which is its own little studio apartment with bathroom and kitchenette and we share the bills and parenting duties. Cant say when/if we would move on, probably after the kids are finished school. Its all a bit odd but it works and we know several couples who have similar living arrangements.
emax4@reddit
Yes, multiple! Some breakups were worse than others. I'm friends with my ex I dated from 1999-2001, probably because it was mutual. She has a goofy, child-like humor which I have too, and that helps.
I dated someone in 2003 for 9 months and we broke up, problem was on me. Then years later we ran into each other, started talking, then got married, then divorced a few years later. She's been through a lot for the past few years, perpetually single by choice, so we still talk and catch up a few times a month. She was selling on eBay to help make more money so I've given her help and pointers, and I've also been around to hear her concerns of taking care of her parents. We're just better off as friends.
Caspers_Shadow@reddit
I was with a woman for 8 years, lived together for 2. When we split, we stayed friends, but it slowly faded away. If she called me today and needed help, I would help her and be happy to hear from her. But we really have little in common other than a relationship and experiences from 25 years ago. My buddy got divorced last year after 25+ years being married. He is maintaining the family home financially while the ex lives in it. None of the older kids live there, but they come back to the area on holidays and he wants a family home for everyone to gather. He does not even live in the same state.
PurpleHat6415@reddit
yeah, my late ex-husband and I were friendly. his new wife didn't like that so we didn't communicate that often other than about the kids. but before they got married, we would give each other lifts to running club, have lunch together occasionally, and we'd always do birthday dinner for the kids together. it was nice and I didn't realise how unusual it was until some people made snide comments.
VitaWright@reddit
I married my best friend at age 20.weve been married for over 35 years and the love just gets stronger.
Hungry-King-1842@reddit
So not me personally,,,, kinda but my mom and dad’s family situation. In short, I have 3 half siblings older than me from my mom’s first marriage.
Her first marriage failed because at the time her first husband wasn’t exactly a good person and really liked his liquor. They also married really young (17-ish). I don’t think he was abusive (my dad wouldn’t have tolerated it) but certainly was an absent father/husband and immature.
When my dad married my mom he set down some ground rules with him. Basically he wanted him included in my brothers and sisters lives but he had to be sober when he came over and no drama.
People change and he’s been involved with every family function since I can remember. When my dad passed away a few years ago he came up to me and told me he was really proud of how well my dad raised us and he was glad he was given the opportunity to redeem himself.
The_Ninja_Manatee@reddit
No. We separated in 2013 after 14 years of marriage and were in court until our youngest turned 18 in 2024. There will never be anything amicable about the situation.
whistlepig4life@reddit
My wife and I separated and went through divorce proceedings about half way through. Right before the final signing day. We got together and decided to give it a chance. We stayed married and are happily into year 26.
End of day we never stopped loving one another. We were angry at each other for our failings in our relationship. We decided to forgive. Pushthe anger aside. Focus on the love and the things that made us best friends and a couple in the first place.
zenmaster_B@reddit
No, there’s a reason we broke up and I much prefer to leave that stuff in the past where it belongs. I’m not one to get too nostalgic for an ex or what we had. I acknowledge it as a time in my life but no reason to go back there
I_Want_Waffles90@reddit
I agree. If I saw my ex-husband at a grocery store or something, I wouldn't run away screaming. But, he wasn't a good partner or friend, so why would I keep someone in my life who isn't good for me? I don't have any ill will, but it's taken me a long time to get to the "neutral" mindset.
As for ex-boyfriends? Nah. They either wanted sex with benefits after, or they just wanted to try to get me back. Hard pass.
trebor1966@reddit
My first wife and I split on good terms. She also decided she wanted to be FWB. The sex which was average before became great
PDM_1969@reddit
Thought I was on ok terms with one...but she was just being fake af
No-Lime-2863@reddit
My sister and her husband stayed close even after she remarried. They are much better coparents divorced than together.
bird9066@reddit
Nope. Sorry. I have a terrible habit of getting with men who remind me of my abusive Dad.
I didn't even get child support because I didn't want him getting visits because he paid for them. (Yeah, he said that about his first kid)
SlowPokeInTexas@reddit
When my first marriage ended after five years, the last time I saw her, I wished her well, told her "God bless you" (and I meant it), but I also knew that I never wanted to see her again.
I admit initially I had a lot of internal anger and frustration and was just over all aspects of the relationship (with her), but as time passed and we both moved on and married other people, the negative feelings faded and I can enjoy at least some positive memories- while at the same time still believing that never seeing her again was the best idea for the both of us.
SnowflakeSWorker@reddit
We were married when I was 25 and he was 33, together since I was 22. We very amicably split in January 2020, and I moved basically across the street (three kids out of the house, two still in high school and one was in 4th grade). We still have family dinners for holidays and birthdays, or when my daughter comes home from college (just last week), or sometimes just when friends come over to hang out. My BF helped him install his hot water tank, he’s helped us out with his truck moving things, etc. He doesn’t really do anything for the kids, so I think he appreciates my BF involvement with them (part of the reason we split, I was tired of his overall apathy with life, and he refused my pleading to seek help). People think it’s very strange how well we all get along, but the kids really appreciate it, and we were together for over 20 years. We probably know each other better than anyone else does. I feel kind of sorry for him actually, and that helps me feel better when I want to yell at him about not doing anything with the youngest, who is now 14. It’s not perfect, but it works.
Status_Entrepreneur4@reddit
Yes once the divorce was finalized we remained wholly amicable and raised our daughter with her best interests in mind. Granted we barely talk now that she's grown but we long ago made peace and both admitted we'd grown to be better people after our marriage
Alternative-Row-84@reddit
We are friendly. No custody battle or child support. I had times in my life I didn’t like her but always remained civil for my daughter.
hustlors@reddit
Nope. She left me and I want to respect her decision.
Sufficient_Stop8381@reddit
It was fairly amicable, no fighting, we just split what was ours and moved on. I wouldn’t say we’re friends, but we get along ok.
Sour-Scribe@reddit
I’m on good terms with most exes but I am not in active friendships with them either
currentsitguy@reddit
No. How could you stay friends with someone you caught sleeping with your supposed "best friend" who admitted they were knocked up by them?
False-Guard-2238@reddit
Unfortunately my ex became even more abusive after I left so no contact and moving was the only option to protect my peace.
Lakerdog1970@reddit
I'm not friends with my ex-wife. My second wife isn't friends with her ex-husband. We didn't have toxic divorces or go to court of fight about things. I mean, there were some rude words said and some of that part was ugly, but it's like anyone was throwing punches.
We can be polite at kids events, but the kids are basically all adults now, so that's not relevant anymore.
It's mostly like why would we talk to them in a day that's only 24 hours long? There's really not much upside to it and there's the opportunity of things I'd rather do. I'd rather put in another hour at work or see a real friend or go on a date or catch up with my kids or walk the dogs again.
LakeLifeTL@reddit
My ex moved me down to Texas and away from a job I loved for her dream job, and then a year later after 20 years of marriage divorced me. I stayed civil for the kids, but I don't really care about her one way or the other. She took me away from every bit of support system I would have had, so I was on my own trying to piece my life back together.
The good news is that 14 years later my life has never better, and at the end of the day she did me a huge favor. I haven't spoken to her in a few years, and that's fine by me.
MNPS1603@reddit
The only ex I’m friends with is from 20 years ago - we were friends for a year then dated for a year. It was rough at first but we successfully went back to being friends. The rest either annoyed me to where I didn’t want to really keep up with them or they betrayed me in some way that I can’t forgive.
FrauAmarylis@reddit
I have stayed amicable/friendly with all my exes on social media, but before social media, my ex-husband and I kept it amicable.
We went for breakfast together since our divorce case got pushed back on the docket.
He asked me if my new bf bought my nice handbag and shoes (he didn’t, but I just smiled), and he told me that he took someone out to the movies and she said he looks like Colin Farrell. I stifled a laugh and said, She must Really like you!
He is the one who filed for divorce. Then 3 months later he wanted to get back together (said that it wasn’t Me making him miserable, after all!!), but ironically I actually hadn’t realized until the separation how much I had been pulling his weight, and was much better without him dragging me down with his toxic family, his drinking, his depression, his negativity. I’m a bubbly person and just never noticed how bad he was. Nobody felt bad for me going through a divorce, they all admitted they never understood why I settled for him, lol!
I had a lot of fun buying my dream house and living single and dating (always put mundane photos online dating- undersell and Overdeliver!) but then I met my now-husband and he is Far better in every way, and way smarter, more successful, kinder, has better integrity, and even a lot better looking.
15 years together with the second husband, and my life has been beyond my wildest dreams!
I’ve since found out my Wasband re-married a woman who made a lot less than he and I did, lost our house to the bank, moved to a less nice area, and got divorced a second time.
elizajaneredux@reddit
We’re still friendly because we’re raising children together. We can even laugh together or reminisce sometimes. He’s a good person so I’ll always care about him. But there’s enough pain between us that our interactions are still rough on me and I wouldn’t choose to spend time together if we didn’t have to.
angelofjag@reddit
In 1989, I moved from Australia to the UK. Met a man, became a couple, and in 1991, we broke up
We are still in touch. I've met two of his wives and both of his children. He has met my current long-term partner
I now live back in Oz and he is still in the UK. We regularly catch-up over Zoom ... we used to send postcards to each other, and see each other whenever I was in the UK... then the internet came along and email, ICQ, Messenger, Skype...
I guess what has held us together for so long is that we were genuine friends to start with, and we connect on a variety of levels
Flahdagal@reddit
Yes, still friendly with my second ex and his new wife. We text on birthdays and such and make sure each is safe after a big weather event. Not friends as such, we live three states apart. Also friendly with an old boyfriend, as he remains one of the most interesting people I know, and we parted amicably.
For them, no reason not to remember at their best. First husband, I wish him well, as long as he's somewhere else with someone else. Never need to interact with him again.
LadybugCalico@reddit
My ex and I have a great relationship. We drove to mediation together. My daughter loves that we get along
Peaceful-Spirit9@reddit
I dated someone from 1990 to 1996. Not married, but lived together for four years and we had said we wanted to get married, then drifted apart. Amicable breakup. We each invited the other person to our wedding. I went to his mother's funeral a few years ago. Sometimes we see each other when old friend group gets together. He's a great guy, and I'm glad we broke up when it was still amicable.
pitathegreat@reddit
My friend had his ex in his wedding party, so it happens.
I think it comes down to ending the relationship when you still actually like each other. Most people are well into contempt once they actually pull the plug.
redbeard914@reddit
Nope
- 1st wife cheated on me and ran off with her boyfriend (and she has never remarried). 33 years of no contact, except for a debt collection company calling me, looking for her.
- 2nd wife was an alcoholic & had major self-esteem issues - Once the divorce was done, we still talked, even had sex a couple of times. She remarried (she needed someone to take care of her). And I moved cross country and got remarried. Haven't talked to her since 2003.
BigAndTall1968@reddit
My ex and I split up in '04 after ten years of marriage. There wasn't a lot of drama (fortunately) and it went pretty smooth. We were just better friends than spouses. Our son was six at the time, and he was our first priority. He adjusted well and we're both proud of that. We're still friends and get along well.
gatadeplaya@reddit
I have stayed friends with my ex. I am sure it is situational dependent. Like, you aren’t going to stay in someone’s life who was hitting you (hopefully!).
I always say there was never an argument or disagreement I didn’t show up for. I played an equal part in our growing apart from one another.
UncuriousCrouton@reddit
I dated a young lady from my mid 20s to my early 30s. We broke up after we both went to graduate school. We remained friends. We're not as close as we were, obviously. But we exchange messages every so often and chat about life, and this ex was a great friend to me during a time I was dealing with a later toxic partner.
I wouldn't date her again -- we're completely different people. But she remains one of the people I trust most.