Married Xenns, here's a poll for you. As an average, how often do you and your spouse have sex in your 40s??
Posted by Dark_Marmot@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 378 comments
calebdume2@reddit
Heterosexual couple (both 45)...2x per week
DeadpoolAndFriends@reddit
I'm seething with jealous for like 90% of you all.
hotwheelz56@reddit
I'm just convinced my wife doesn't like me. Or care. Married 10 years, lucky to get it once a month.
SkullsInSpace@reddit
We're both early 40s, with a preschooler. It....varies wildly. My body has started shitting out on me in the sexual department, but we've had some really A+ sex lately. Sometimes, though, we go months. It'll help when one of us gets snipped so we can stop worrying about accidental pregnancy being forced to term by the government 🙄
Still_Top_7923@reddit
Nothing stops pregnancy line anal and blowjobs to completion!
SkullsInSpace@reddit
I suck at giving head, and I've got hemorrhoids. It's puss or nothing around here.
I could work on my head game, but he's never been a big fan of head anyway, so 🤷♀️
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
SkullsInSpace@reddit
What part of it escaped your comprehension?
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
"Not been a big fan of head" Such a thing is mildly confounding.
SkullsInSpace@reddit
Ehh, everybody's different. I've met women who say they don't wanna receive head because it's gross, which I think is insane, but it's also none of my damn business and I'm not gonna change their mind by being a dick about it
ButitsaDryCold@reddit
HRT! I wish I didn’t wait so long.
SkullsInSpace@reddit
I was given some little melty pellet-things of E to stick up there when I first went to the doctor about it, but they threw my chemistry down there all out of balance and I was constantly getting infections. Not better, but maybe they'll give me a pill or something?
ButitsaDryCold@reddit
Oh that’s too bad. I used that as well at first, but I was having other symptoms as well- and the inserts worked so well for dryness that I decided to try to gel that I put on my elbow pits every day and it’s amazing. No more stinky onion pitts.
DiablosChickenLegs@reddit
Zero. Too poor to afford a place with enough bedrooms for us to be alone. It's been 13 years now.
Peaceloveandtattoos@reddit
Average 15-20x a month. Married 16 1/2 years, 3 older kiddos (13, 16, 22)
HipHopGrandpa@reddit
Same. All these dead bedroom stories are depressing. You only get one life, why spend it in a sexless, frigid situation if you want more.
GuyWhoSaysYouManiac@reddit
The "if" part is pretty important here. Not everyone wants what you want.
HipHopGrandpa@reddit
So people do want the sexless, frigid dead-bedroom lifestyle, or they’re just bitter because that’s where they ended up?
Hanksta2@reddit
Some people love each other, even if they work two jobs with no childcare and have zero time to themselves.
_fluffy_cookie_@reddit
Same for my husband and I. Married 20 years. We also have 3 kids, older like yours. (13, 15, 18)
Aplos9@reddit
This guy/gal fucks!
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
_psylosin_@reddit
We have a giant handful of an autistic 13 year old and a toddler… we do what we can lol, on the bright side, it’s more exiting when it’s been a few weeks
Stock-Act-2315@reddit
Haven't since 2019..... with my husband at least 🫢😆
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
APFernweh@reddit
I’m a lesbian. Lesbian sex is different. It goes for like, hours. So… I’d say once a month? My wife would prefer more, but she has free rein of the Magic Wand and I don’t mind that at all. We’re happy.
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
Disastrous-Square662@reddit
Do you have to be married? Most people I know in long term relationships that I know aren’t married.
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
No long term, non legally married is fine too.
HapaC13@reddit
Married almost 17 years, 4 kids, usually everyday minus when I’m on my period.
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
ancilla1998@reddit
Used to be every 1 - 2 weeks but we've fallen waaaay off since we both had influenza in February and his grandma died in March and I had an ingrown hair on my cooch.
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
MothyBelmont@reddit
It depends, we ebb and flow. Sometimes we’ll go a few months without and sometimes it’ll be a few times a week for a couple months. It really depends on what’s going on at home or work. I’d like to add that we don’t have kids and we do have other ways of being intimate that we engage in that may not always be sexual.
WeinerVonBraun@reddit
We’re similar, it ebbs and flows. Usually once a week, multiple day while on vacations. Can be upwards of a few weeks
MothyBelmont@reddit
When we went to Japan we were jumping like we just met. Something about vacation sex.
Busy_Daikon_6942@reddit
Every day (1x-5x per day). We haven't missed a day in over 2 years.
Married 27 years. I'm 46 and my wife is 48.
It wasn't always like this. But, now we make the effort to flirt, hug, kiss, touch all day. Sex simply becomes a part of our non-stop intimacy.
Ironically, our libidos are the lowest ever in our lives. And we both have some health issues which make sex even more difficult. But, our intimacy and dedication to each other is the strongest it has ever been.
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
HumanExpert3916@reddit
5 times a day?! You must be pushing rope by the third time.
Busy_Daikon_6942@reddit
The 5x a day are more rare. But 1-2x is about 80-90% of the time.
But...on the days we go 3+... I'm usually pretty sore the next day. 😅
Low-decibel@reddit
Without for 9 years so far, this is why im doing hobbies and ignoring the emotional badgering the wife is doing now, she decided this and now can figure out how to get out of it
Midnight_Marshmallo@reddit
Counseling or divorce, man. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
This.
sixstringsage5150@reddit
You looking to see how bad your’s has gotten? Lol
Nah our average ain’t great but I have a screwed up work schedule
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
Lol, Getting a rough idea, but also curious if my expectations are realistic.
sixstringsage5150@reddit
My friends and I have had this talk quite a few times…. In the end we realized it didn’t matter what our expectations are… takes two to tango and no one wants starfish sex lol
Nearby-Border-5899@reddit
Like 5-7 times a week.
AfterRadio9233@reddit
I’m not gonna answer since I don’t wanna tank the curve.
Prestigious_Band_796@reddit
Fuck the curve. November 4th, 2023 here
skeptoid79@reddit
Cat_mom_mafia@reddit
Same.
TheJRKoff@reddit
maybe once a week, sometimes twice? maybe every 2 weeks. i dont keep track.
i remember when i was younger i said "i'll never be too tired to do it".. i was wrong.
Swamp_Donkey_7@reddit
1-2 times per week. Sometimes stuff gets in the way and it's 0 times. Sometimes the wife is sending me text messages from the bedroom while the kids are occupied.
GinchAnon@reddit
definitely understand the idea of Sex being like Oxygen. when you aren't getting enough, its the most important thing in the world. but when you have plenty, well, you don't tend to worry about it.
sometimes spooning to sleep gets 75% of what I really need from sex anyway.
Ms_Rarity@reddit
Tri-weekly <== my past
Try weekly <== my present
Try weakly <== my future
Rebekah513@reddit
Yep. I think once or twice a week is great at this point. Happily married and no complaints. Works for us.
AgentJR3@reddit
This person gets it
johntwilker@reddit
SAME, all the way around
jez_shreds_hard@reddit
Same. About 1-2 times per week. I don’t have the libido I did in my 20s and early 30s and neither does my wife.
gemmath@reddit
About once a week as well.
Jr5309@reddit
Same here, it varies week to week. I’ll average it out and say 3 times a month.
heyman_itsme@reddit
Same here. Occasionally a wild swing happens and we go at it 3 plus times a week but the stars really need to align for that to happen. I always tell the wife that horny beats tired every day of the week, but in the end tired usually lasts longer than horny does
DirtyPuppyToucher@reddit
Not at all. It's our choice. Marriage is stellar, great communication support, love, etc. Sex just isn't a requirement.
EternalMehFace@reddit
How and where did you score this unicorn please teach me your ways!
DirtyPuppyToucher@reddit
Who's the unicorn? My partner or me? Lol
EternalMehFace@reddit
Both of you really!
DirtyPuppyToucher@reddit
It certainly takes a lot of work. We did not start out sexless. I figured out that I was Asexual and He already loved me enough to want to give me a safe space where I don't have to constantly be sexualized just by living. We looked to lift each other up (always) and support each other but not tat the cost of what we need for ourselves or each other. So we communicate. A LOT. Its not always pretty, it doesnt always work, but we come back, and talk things through even if we need a break or emotions get high because we both know that the other isnt trying to hurt me/them so we try to understand more. .
We've been together 20 years. Just gotta find the person who actually wants to grow and always be a better version of themselves than they were yesterday. If I could I would wish everyone to have a partner like mine. They arent perfect, but they strive to be a good person. I know I'm certainly not perfect either lol.
EternalMehFace@reddit
This is amazing and I just love it. You're very lucky! ✨
Cod-Born@reddit
This year has been once or twice a month, only twice a month this year, so far. We are mainly restricted by my spouse on this front. My preference is once or twice a week. I'm tired of having to remind her of this preference. I blame her libido, which I feel powerless to change or influence it.
I take tasks off her plate, she finds more tasks. Whenever we are able to get it on, it's great. I just wish it were more frequently than it is right now.
SteveEcks@reddit
Got some last night!!!
Maybe once a month. Maybe.
Novel_Towel6125@reddit
Congrats on the sex!
SteveEcks@reddit
It is to be celebrated. Thank you!
HorizonZeroDawn2@reddit
Prossdog@reddit
I’d never talk about this without the cloud of anonymity that is the internet, but it’s the biggest challenge in our marriage at this point. We’re down to once a month and I know it’s a chore for her even to do it then. I’d still be down for 2-3 times a week myself but it is what it is.
d00mslinger@reddit
To put it in perspective, I'm 44 and I probably wouldn't need a full hand to count how many times we've had actual sex since I turned 40. What's even more frustrating sometimes is that after 40 I started getting way more women flirting with me, like I became more attractive or more confident. I'm leaning more towards confident, I don't think I got hotter.
puma_pantss@reddit
For us probably about once every two weeks. For me with myself? Much more often.
drkidkill@reddit
It’s so much faster.
puma_pantss@reddit
I'm nothing if not efficient.
_its_a_SWEATER_@reddit
I feel that.
Adrasteia-One@reddit
That's what she said. Sorry, I had to take the opportunity. 😄
HAL_9OOO_@reddit
In this case, it's "that's what you said".
Virtual_Buttons@reddit
Saying the quiet part out loud. Or maybe not so quiet.
MotherofaPickle@reddit
I feel seen.
I wish it were more, but my sex drive only revs at weird times. Usually when Spouse is Very Busy At Work. 🙄
ANotSoFreshFeeling@reddit
You’re getting laid?!
Psychological-Web134@reddit
This is the correct answer.
Maanzacorian@reddit
Do you people converse with your spouses about this stuff? My wife and I do. We came to the conclusion that at our age, with all of our house/children/animal responsibilities, 3 times a month for a minimum is a reasonable expectation.
It's become about quality too. While we're not boning 3 times a night anymore, the times we do are ferocious. Two people who want to fuck the ever-loving shit out of each other.
Elegant-Plastic-5284@reddit
I’m going to preface this with the fact that previously for a year and a half we only had sex twice due to medical stuff. For the last several months 3-4 times a week.
drainbamage1011@reddit
Yeah, we're coming out of a bit of an extended slump over medical issues and low libido. We were at 1-2x a month at best (several months without at worst), and now up to about 3x a week for the last couple months. I'm going to enjoy it as long as it lasts.
eyelinerqueen83@reddit
Every Sunday
Dry_Inspection_4583@reddit
Monthly
JFull0305@reddit
Once to twice a week.
pawsomedogs@reddit
You guys still have sex?
uncertia@reddit
Twice a week in a good week. On average maybe once every week. Not for lack of trying on my part though lol. My wife’s libido just does not match mine sadly.
Ok-Truck-477@reddit
Not too high on the priorities list anymore. So if we arent too tired it probably averages about 2 times a week.
The_Curvy_Unicorn@reddit
So my husband unexpectedly passed not quite a year ago, but for us, it was normally 3-4 times per week.
3elldandy@reddit
Do sister wives count?
superschaap81@reddit
At least once a week. But the window keeps shrinking with 2 twenty year olds still living in the house and not sleeping at normal hours. We take advantage of alone time as much as possible.
vegaslocal46582@reddit
Nah - Clap those cheeks load and proud. Assert your household dominance. They will move out if they don’t like it.
superschaap81@reddit
Tried. The thought in the back of our minds prevents any forward momentum
Canucklehead2184@reddit
I feel this….. we have a lot of car sex now like we did when we were their age 😂
That and our frequency of showering together has gone up.
superschaap81@reddit
Car is too awkward I find, but we're tried it at least. LOL. Showers, YES. Plus we're saving on water, right?
Designer-Bid-3155@reddit
This is some sad shit I'm reading in this thread......
JuliusSeizuresalad@reddit
xrhino13x@reddit
It’s part of our nightly routine. Put kids in bed, brush teeth, wash face, watch tv for a min, do it, and then go to sleep. We take nights off but it’s pretty regular. No complaints here.
JuliusSeizuresalad@reddit
JuliusSeizuresalad@reddit
Starry-Night88@reddit
Some of you are freaking hilarious in your responses, I’m loving it. I can’t think of a funny way to say mine, just: 2-3x week.
clamnaked@reddit
Not enough. We used to have sex 1-2 times a week. It’s been months. I keep suggesting he go see a doctor because it was a fairly sudden change but he won’t do it. It’s been about a year since the “problem” started.
esocharis@reddit
About twice a week, but it was quite a bit less than that until a couple years ago when we made a concerted effort to improve it.
Went from about once every 4-6 weeks to where we are now. Lots of talk and some edibles got us here lol
DigitalArbitrage@reddit
How do the edibles help with this? I'm very interested.
RoughCute7016@reddit
Have you been stoned before? It can heighten your senses a bit, lower inhibitions, making sex more fun.
W8andC77@reddit
It makes me so freaking anxious. So maybe the sex is fun but then a bit later I’m replaying conversations convinced that everyone hates me!
RoughCute7016@reddit
I thought that was just everyday life
W8andC77@reddit
I can control it better sober. But the spirals are wild on edibles.
icecreemsamwich@reddit
Most people only want to believe that cannabis works for everyone in the exact same ways. It doesn’t. Don’t force it if it’s more negative than positive for you. :)
ElleWinter@reddit
I have this exact problem- so do my sisters and lots of my cousins. I always make the same joke- I get a little high and start feeling like all my friends hate me. 😂 What helps is taking something with CBD in it as well, or taking a CBD supplement along with it.
I have also found that certain strains are less problematic. Anything with a lime or lemon strain is better for me. Strains like Jack Herer, Green Crack, and Girl Scout Cookies are very rough on me. I am guessing it might be different for everyone.
RoughCute7016@reddit
You are dead on about that. One to one cbd to thc edibles are great for a less anxious high. I find they tamp down the thc a little too much for my liking though.
ElleWinter@reddit
I do not like marijuana by itself, it makes me anxious and paranoid. However, after surgical menopause from a hysterectomy in my 30s, it really helps in this area and I use it only before "date nights". If this is the activity on the agenda, I usually feel nice and fuzzy and fall asleep after, and don't end up with the bad effects of the THC that I hate. The THC really, really helps my body do what it used to do and respond correctly like before I had the hysterectomy.
I feel embarrassed typing this, however, I wish more women know how much it helps in this area, (area, haha) and so I am going to post it.
Righteous_Babe_98@reddit
I'm currently recovering from a hysterectomy in my early 40s, and I'm a bit of a stoner chick, so this is excellent information for me! Nothing to be embarrassed about here 🙂🩷
Gia_Lavender@reddit
Yep it’s great, I have frozen pelvic floor/vaginismus and things are much more enjoyable with cannabis
Hairy-Stock8905@reddit
Also a newly discovered tiny bit of THC for sex lover here. It's been a revelation ✨
druebleam@reddit
👏 we need more of this, bravo.
prstele01@reddit
Don’t feel embarrassed. This is great for people to know!
ElleWinter@reddit
Thank you. I wish the was common knowledge because it helps me so much. I wish other women knew about the helpful properties. I feel.like, among my friends, there is still such a stigma. I feel a lot more embarrassed posting online about my sex life than I do about occasional recreational use. It's so sad how far behind we are on the research for this medicinal plant because of dumb government issues.
sarcasmo818@reddit
I've found THC to just heighten the feelings
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
THC is also found to delay ejaculation as well, more so if too frequent, but everything in moderation right.
JaseDroid@reddit
Lords of Acid wrote a song specifically about that!
CantFindMyWallet@reddit
This definitely works for me, which makes the whole thing so much more intense.
sarcasmo818@reddit
☝️
JaseDroid@reddit
Cannabis is a natural arousal agent. If you haven't tried it, it's a lot of fun AND has a ton of therapeutic benefits
esocharis@reddit
Eat some-->wait until they kick in-->get naked-->have fun
Hossflex@reddit
This is the way. I also recommend a tiny dose of shrooms as a substitute. Blew my mind what we were capable of.
prstele01@reddit
LSD - checking in - we were like aliens in space doing it.
actualelainebenes@reddit
https://i.redd.it/m2pynh5p6z0f1.gif
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
😂Best GG response.
Myst21256@reddit
Usually when you are high you are happy and happy leads to fun times, plus it can make sex feel better or just allow for fun in general
MotherofaPickle@reddit
Edibles don’t work on me. 😭
SteveEcks@reddit
Before kids, if my wife wanted to partake with me, I knew we were going to have fun. She just loosened up a bit. And it wasn't automatically attached or anything, it just always ended up that way. She hasn't smoked with me in years, but I'm hoping someday soon we can find that magic a lil more often.
ButterscotchAware402@reddit
41f and 42m, together 5 years, 2-5 times a week
Redditor-247@reddit
Are we counting self care? 😅😅
But seriously, not frequently. Like every couple of months. It's great when we do but she's had a low sex drive since I met her.
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
Whats that?
Roxygirl40@reddit
It’s sexual contact between individuals, which may or may not involve penetration. But that’s not important right now.
OpportunityCost81@reddit
We’re closer to this than most of the other responses. Once a quarter is probably our average.
HeaEuroShrub@reddit
Saaaaaaaame. It's one of the many reasons I'm leaving/taking a break from teaching. During the school year, I'm so in my head/distracted/tired/anxious/sick that I'm rarely in the mood. It does usually get better during summer breaks, but I've decided to take a sabbatical to focus on my physical and mental health. Sexual health is def part of that.
YoohooCthulhu@reddit
Frustrating jobs? That’s the libido killer for the wife and I.
its_raining_scotch@reddit
Once a quarter? Damn..
TraditionalTackle1@reddit
Well Im glad to see Im not alone.......I guess.
knosmo78@reddit
Yeah, my husband is almost ten years older than me (I'm 47, he'll be 57 soon) and we have not been physically intimate in a LONG time. There are... well, issues and the "little blue pill" and it's colleagues are not working the way the ads would suggest.
It's not ideal.
ramakitty@reddit
I said “HOW OFTEN DO YOU AND YOUR SPOUSE HAVE SEX IN YOUR 40s ???”
tubagoat@reddit
This person 40s.
Rabbitrules87@reddit
It’s the thing that makes an 18 year long series of never ending bills. DON’T DO IT!!! Lol
wyc1inc@reddit
Maybe once every 2-3 months? We are both totally cool with it as far as I can tell. It used to be about once a week, at most 2 weeks, but it felt like I almost lost my sex drive overnight. I was actually worried about it so got all my blood work done and stuff and nothing wrong physically, so yea not sure what happened.
throatchakra@reddit
If you are female, Perimenopause can start as early as 35 and most HCPs are taught to just write it off as anxiety or just getting older. Decreased libido is a symptom.
degeneratesumbitch@reddit
"When you reach age 40, your testosterone levels go down. That's why you need Ageless Male!"
RedditsCoxswain@reddit
Used to be once a week.
Now after the baby we are at 1-2x a month with a couple stretches where we’ve gone 60 days between. We need to get our 1.5 year old out of our bed and into his own lol.
pilates_mama@reddit
My 5yo sleeps in my bed 🤷🏻♀️ i lay with her til asleep and we go have our fun other places in the house
RedditsCoxswain@reddit
Some of my favorite moments of an entire lifetime have been sleeping with my wife and child this past year.
Waking up and just watching them snuggling, Feeling my baby boy grabbing my arm at night and pulling it around his head so that he can surround himself then settling in with massive smile on his face that says he feels safe and content.
So many times I’ve just wanted to pinch my face and make sure I’m not dreaming it’s so perfect.
pilates_mama@reddit
You're welcome!
That's all so sweet. Honestly enjoy every moment. My 5yo is my youngest and i'm soaking in our sleep cuddles because when they're gone they're gone. The arm snuggles are my favourite too and that peaceful sleeping face. And my ex husband never let me bed share with my oldest or when my youngest was a baby and i regret that, so i really don't sweat it now. People bed share with kids in most parts of the world and actually my current partner does with his kids too when he has custody time. I take it as a big green flag :)
Hanksta2@reddit
Same, and we average 2-3 times a week.
Opening_Success@reddit
Why is your 1.5 year old in your bed?
RedditsCoxswain@reddit
What the other comment said, it feels natural.
Also our little guy was in the NICU for a couple months and in an out of the hospital for the first year of his life.
We waited until our 40’s to have him after being together for 20 years and thinking we would never have kids and we are enjoying every minute and are admittedly a little over protective.
We’ll transition him to his own room/bed as he approaches 2 but I really couldn’t see us doing it any other way for these early months.
Hanksta2@reddit
Because many believe young children naturally want to be near their parents, especially at night when they feel the most vulnerable.
bikeonychus@reddit
It gets easier once they are at school - put them on the school bus and sprint home for fun.
Hossflex@reddit
Wife and I plan a day every once in a while where we play hookie from work. Get the kiddo to school, then back home for fun.
Agreeable_Mouse6000@reddit
This. We moved some in-laws into our house to help them get back on their feet so our 2 year old ended up in our room. We averaged every other day, now it’s maybe a few times a month if we’re lucky. Good news is they just left so we’re in the process of moving him back into his own room but DAMN. It’s been rough.
Efficient-Log-4425@reddit
1.5? Bro...
Leeds13@reddit
My man usually wakes me up every morning with some at 7:20-not on shark week though, that is our time off. But it isn’t quite every day. We have colds, diarrhea, and other unsexy things that prevent it some times. *** for those xennials that don’t know, shark week is period time
BerryOwn9111@reddit
At least 5x/week. Double that when I’m ovulating. Sex has never been better than now! 🙌🏼 Shark week is a toss up but usually a no-go!
gofixmeaplate@reddit
Once every other week or every 3 weeks but sometimes it will happen a few times in one week. It is pretty dependent on the stress in our lives. Less stress = more married people fun
critic2029@reddit
This is like the 3 or 4 post along these lines in the last few weeks.
No I won’t help you with your college research project.
StatesmanDemosthenes@reddit
Once a month if I’m lucky. Mainly because of kids!
valliewayne@reddit
1-2 x /week. We still have little kids.
Altruistic-Energy662@reddit
3-4? The nights we sleep in the same bed, lol? Early 40’s, been together since 1997, married for 18 years w/ a teen, tween, and a kindergartener. We also have opposite schedules half the week.
UnadvancedDegree@reddit
Previous marriage was a little over 20 years and the last 4 were sexless. Current marriage is a little over a year and it's probably averaging out to 3 or 4 times a week.
OptimusShredder@reddit
I would say 3x a week on average. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but a solid 3x for an average.
OdiferousRex@reddit
My watch has begun.
turtlenipples@reddit
"Night be gathering and now my watch done begunned."
dndhdhdjdjd382737383@reddit
Never.
Canucklehead2184@reddit
6-7 times a week if we can find the time. Otherwise it’s minimum 1-2 times a week. Been together since we were 16. Now 40.
useless_cunt_86@reddit
Ew.
Canucklehead2184@reddit
Why ew?
Quixote511@reddit
Legit same, we just pack it into two days
Zer_0@reddit
A while back I commented that we haven’t gotten down in a year. They bashed my wife until they realized that I’m the wife. It’s my husband who can’t physically do it. They had empathy all of a sudden, and a few offers to keep me occupied.
bratikzs@reddit
Your wife sounds like zero fun! Did they suggest divorce? I think that’s the reddit go to.
Did they suggest solitaire? That’ll keep you occupied!!!
APFernweh@reddit
Idiot. The commenter IS the wife. She was pointing out the double standard around “wife never wants it, husband always does”. How women get shit because many of us have a lower sex drive. Way to demonstrate both stupidity and the patriarchal point of the original comment.
turtlenipples@reddit
A little kindness goes a long way, eh?
bratikzs@reddit
I appreciate you! I forgot to add the /s assumed the solitaire comment would land it.
Sigh. I’ll be better next time.
JesusWouldGetVaxed@reddit
I saw your sarcasm!
daregulater@reddit
I saw immediately you were joking. Reddit does be a little dense sometimes
Zer_0@reddit
Lots of us are neurodivergent so sarcasm has to be marked as such for us to get it.
ancilla1998@reddit
Because men are assholes.
GinchAnon@reddit
Lately about once a week or so. been wanting to up it to twice a week but lately thats just not been happening.
pimento_mori@reddit
Every other day. Sometimes 2x a day.
SweatPig77@reddit
Two years from 50 and no urge/want to do "it" anymore, could be a side-effect of low testosterone (I now have a prescription for that).
R1pp3R23@reddit
Does it count if I’m the only one in our 40’s yet?
ReiperXHC@reddit
1-2 times per week. Mostly because we live/sleep opposing shifts/schedules.
-HHANZO-@reddit
Every other day almost, we'll go for streaks too. Made it to 5 the other month
tc_cad@reddit
Just one time after I turned 40. It was during Covid and while we never caught COVID, other health issues have come up and my wife now has chronic pain in her back, and that just makes everything harder.
ionceliscateledi@reddit
Very helpful thread
farmerchuckles@reddit
Once or twice a week. My husband has a much higher sex drive than me, so he takes care of things solo as needed. The sex is always great, and I wish I wasn’t so tired all the time so I could enjoy it more often, but that’s where I am right now. At 46, I’ve lost a lot of my get up and go, and that feels really odd when I think about it. Folks in their 50s, does your drive just keep falling off?
draoikat@reddit
Getting married (for the second time) on Saturday, been together five years... maybe 2-3 times a week on average but sometimes more (4-5?) and the longest we've gone is just under a month (we weren't living together at the time and I was in the middle of moving and overwhelmed with stress, so).
Far_Cut_@reddit
Usually 3 times a week
rhconway@reddit
2-3x a week.
Opening-Reaction-511@reddit
Like every other day
Crusty-Watch3587@reddit
on average prob 2-3 times a week, sometimes less if we’ve been especially busy and tired from everything that comes along with 3 young kids.
C1sko@reddit
It’s differs from week to week.
insidia@reddit
Once a week, occasionally twice is the norm. Sometimes life gets in the way and we go a few weeks without.
Ohshithereiamagain@reddit
MediumBashful@reddit
3 times a week…once each month.
Tubbygoose@reddit
Humphalumpy@reddit
Not enough.
Otherwise-Ad-1051@reddit
Married 19 years. Been 4 years, probably 2 times in the last 6. Sorry about sinking the average, haha.
iveseensomethings82@reddit
Twice a week.
problyurdad_@reddit
Every other night or every 3 nights. Usually 3-5 times a week.
skeptoid79@reddit
We had sex last summer one or twice for the first time in 5 years. Haven't revised it since.
bridge2danger@reddit
Depends on how you define “sex.” If it means getting handsy and getting each other off, that’s multiple times a week, sometimes multiple times a day. If you’re talking about getting all the way naked and doing the traditional PIV method, only on a random Saturday night when we both have the energy/time and the kids aren’t around to bother us.
But when we do, it’s still like fireworks. Even after all these years we’re still super into each other and find creative ways to keep it hot.
Can’t imagine it any other way…
Waste-Reflection-235@reddit
Average twice a month. During the school year is rough. My kids are in elementary school and they catch all the illnesses and are extremely generous.
CleanEffort9369@reddit
I’m married to another xennial and we typically have sex 3-5 times per week. We have two teenagers and have been together 25 years.
Ippus_21@reddit
About 3-6 times a year. But I'm going to claim extenuating circumstances because she has chronic back and neck issues, so it's only one in a blue moon she's actually feeling sound enough.
No_Reporter2768@reddit
Married 20 years, together for 28, with 2 teenagers! It definitely changes over the years. Hubs recently started testosterone and feels like he's 20 again! I'm a tired, stressed teacher. SO during the school year 1-3 a week, but vacations when I'm not stressed = MORE!
Adh1434@reddit
At least once a week
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Never. We separated 13 years ago, but never finalized a divorce. 🤷♂️
makgeolliandsoju@reddit
19 years married. 3-4 times per week. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
Icy_Hippo@reddit
used to be 3 - 4 times a week, having a young child really kills that, tired, work, parenting, perimenopause. I think it has been once this year so far, I feel terrible about it tbh. I feel like a failure.
TBShaw17@reddit
3 to 4x a week depending on kids activities. Married nearly 15 years, together for 20 of the last 24 years (together for 3 years in college, broke up, spent a year pretending to be friends, 2+ of zero contact before reconnecting).
Betelgeuse3fold@reddit
Thrice a week
cavallinm@reddit
Once a month, if I pester.
Impossible-Leek-2830@reddit
Every 4 days or so. Married almost 20 years - 3 kids
vegaslocal46582@reddit
16 years, 2 kids, 2-3 times per week
Novel_Illustrator_67@reddit
February?
Voluntary_Perry@reddit
Have what now?
johnso21@reddit
Xex? Idk I can’t tell either.
LuckyCM2506@reddit
19 years in, and we average 3-4 times a week. Some weeks he will want it more, some weeks I do.
ButitsaDryCold@reddit
Yeah this sounds like our frequency too.
ButitsaDryCold@reddit
Sometimes every day, then a few days without. I’d say we average every second day or every third day. Best sex of my life.
drapparappa@reddit
Married 17 years. Every week unless there is a period. Sometimes twice.
Quixote511@reddit
Going hard in the paint Friday and Saturday nights, usually about 3 times each. Maybe once a month we sneak in a morning of shower sex before work. The work week is out of the question usually between work and the kids.
Equal_Wait_1515@reddit
Married 19 years, together for 22. We have 2 teens.
Maybe twice a year?
Mallarme1132@reddit
The Mrs. no longer wants sex now that perimenopause is in effect, so we came to an agreement.
jacobthellamer@reddit
Maybe when our 6 month old is sleeping through the night.. the 3yo doesn't give us much of a break either. Probably over a year at this point... Also the first birth made things painful for my partner, I want to give her all the time she needs to heal up.
Green-Ad9501@reddit
Probably 3-4 times per week on average?
Runningman787@reddit
We have 3 boys all under the age of 8. It's not a lot...
PorgCT@reddit
TIL I’m ahead of the curve
SusanDelgado1919@reddit
At least once a week. Sometimes twice. Mr. Delgado gets twitchy if it’s any less than weekly but that does happen once in a while
useless_cunt_86@reddit
We make it work, but it's not often lol.
HamHand2000@reddit
3-4 times a week
-Fedaykin-@reddit
With each other? Is that even allowed?
Meyebackhurts@reddit
Demand exceeds supply
silverirae@reddit
Currently about 3-4 times per week all in.
BinocularDisparity@reddit
Once in 2025…. Like 3 times a year
digitalHalcyon@reddit
Here's to y'all. 🫡
ZookeepergameAlive69@reddit
Married 9 years, together 10 years. Three kids. I’d say 5-8 times a month (accounting for variables).
Still_Top_7923@reddit
We broke up in Feb but I’d say we’d average maybe 5-8 times a year. We were together for over 13 years. I’d say our sex lives died by about year six, rebounded for a bit and then slowly got worse and worse…
RudyPup@reddit
I'm a gay man in a polyamorous / open marriage. You don't want this answer.
judasmitchell@reddit
hahaha yeah, poly throws the curve way off.
RudyPup@reddit
I mean, I was at a gay kinks orgy Sunday night...
Designer-Bid-3155@reddit
I'm a swinger, so this is some sad shit I'm reading
RudyPup@reddit
How is it sad?
degeneratesumbitch@reddit
Jesus Christ. All I want to do is go fishing.
judasmitchell@reddit
Being bi and poly also opens up a lot of opportunities.
bcentsale@reddit
Twice as many, mathematically speaking 🤣
goobershank@reddit
As does gay.
Plastic-Bar-4142@reddit
My husband and I are swingers. I'm right there with you!
Designer-Bid-3155@reddit
Swinger here too!
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
BuildStrong79@reddit
Probably average around once a week.
Transplanted_Cactus@reddit
Every 4-8 weeks. Not by my choice, he never initiates and I'm not going to be the sole person keeping our sex life alive. No kids. No stressful jobs. Yes he's had his T levels checked twice.
This is my third marriage and the other two also ended partly because they decided to no longer have an interest in sex.
I'd find it funny if it wasn't so damn depressing. I haven't been told I'm attractive in so long that I kinda quit caring. I could put zero effort into myself and have the same results. As far as I'm aware, I'm no ogre. Not overweight, fairly conventional face. I just apparently don't inspire anyone's interest beyond the New Relationship Energy phase. So I give up.
A_lunch_lady@reddit
Same my friend… been married to my husband 19 years…
spazz720@reddit
Have you talked to him about taking some medication…like daily Cialus?
Transplanted_Cactus@reddit
Sex starts in the brain and his brain apparently isn't interested.
spazz720@reddit
True…but the pills get you rock hard regardless of what you are thinking, so it’s worth a try.
Transplanted_Cactus@reddit
How would that help with his interest not being there in the first place?
A_lunch_lady@reddit
Once in like 2-3 months, we are tired
sevalle13@reddit
4-5x per week depending on kid activities
ConsiderationSad6521@reddit
4-7 a week
wanna_be_green8@reddit
3 to 4 times a week. Maybe more if our kids give us extra space.
anthonylabatt@reddit
2-3 times a week, married 16-years with 2 kids.
Colonial13@reddit
NooStringsAttached@reddit
About twice a week, but my spouse is in his 50s.
rjcpl@reddit
3-4x a week. Getting my vasectomy today and not looking forward to having to go most of a week without.
Loocha@reddit
It was a ten day restriction for me. Probably for the next 3 months I would get phantom ball pain. It’s now been 3 or 4 years. Everything is back to normality.
tubagoat@reddit
Rub it in.
onepostandbye@reddit
Four times a year
GaSc3232@reddit
This is me. Sigh.
robotsects@reddit
Refractory period is 24+ hours now.
spazz720@reddit
Once or twice a week…mostly due to working opposite schedules
kyle-the-brown@reddit
Not since the wife's chemo started, but next year, next year we will have sex at least twice i just know it
TMore108@reddit
I still Masturbate 4-5x a week, that's kinda like sex. But with my wife... What decade is it? I'm so lonely
Burlington-bloke@reddit
Every morning... Oh wait... You mean with eachother.... Once every 3 years
eat_more_vegies@reddit
We are both 47, been married 25 years, and we have agreed to 4 times a week. It's too much for me, but I do it for him because he is a wonderful man and takes good care of me. Personally, I'm more of a once-a-weeker.
theOnlyDaive@reddit
We were 3-6/week but then got divorced. Took me from full on nympho to Aromantic real fucking quick.
Fluffy_Success_6110@reddit
Currently Zero for some time now.
Wife found to have MS about 13 years ago… along with her depression meds means zero sex drive and 100% exhaustion for days at a time after any physical exertion. 😓 In the last ten years then went to twice a year for 3 or 4 years… and now she tries maybe once every 18 months … but all after the super rare event we end up have had drinks. But as such it’s always terrible and hasn’t been good for several years ie neither of us finish (as drunk too which puts me off). I haven’t tried in years which hurts my heart.
Neither-Mycologist77@reddit
I'm so sorry about all of that.
Fluffy_Success_6110@reddit
Appreciate it. It’s to tough
Insektikor@reddit
At least once a week. Sometimes more. We want to do it more, but we’re tired, ok!
Logen-Grimlock@reddit
2-3 times a week, vacations every day
lab_sidhe@reddit
Yeah vacation is definitely every day.
StuPidasso52@reddit
About 2-3 times a week. We've been married 18 years, and the sex is more passionate and enjoyable than ever. That's really saying something too! We definitely don't go for as long as we used to (2+hrs when we were dating), but the satisfaction is unmatched.
lab_sidhe@reddit
3 or 4 times a week.
We make intimacy a priority by making sure that we create an environment where our other needs are met.
subsonicmonkey@reddit
We live in a tiny apartment with thin walls and a teenager.
How often does our teen sleep over at a friends’ house…?
AotKT@reddit
Not married but been together for 6 years and living together for 5.5 of those. No kids. Probably about 5x/week. Would be more but our schedules rarely align.
Uuuuuii@reddit
My man
AotKT@reddit
Woman.
Uuuuuii@reddit
Sorry about that! Have a good day. :)
Sweet_Measurement338@reddit
""our schedules rarely align!" and "we have sec 5 times a week".... apparently they align 5 times a week. So rare!
AotKT@reddit
To be fair, they're mostly quickies!
Ok_Research6884@reddit
On average, probably once every couple weeks, but it's not very consistent in that we may do it 2-3 times in one week, and then won't the rest of the month. Kids, schedules, just being tired, etc. all get in the way.
LegallyReactionary@reddit
Mid-40s, 3 kids… bout once a week, on a good week. Lately it’s been closer to every other week. So damn busy all the time, it’s exhausting.
rifunseeker@reddit
What’s up my twin? Can I interest you in a bball or soccer tourney this weekend? Maybe both? Doing regular household stuff? Working full time? So much free time…
Happy-Case-7209@reddit
I feel seen.
LegallyReactionary@reddit
Sure, I'll come over to your place (can't be mine, it's a mess) right after I mow the lawn, drop off one kid at work, the next at band practice, and the last one at gymnastics. We can hang out for like two whole minutes before I have to start picking them all back up.
PeterPalafox@reddit
This reminds me of a joke. A guy goes to his doctor and says he has trouble with his sex life. He says he and his wife have sex about twice a week. The doctor says, ok so what’s the problem? The guy says, well, my neighbor tells me he has sex 3-5 times a week! The doctor says, right, ok, I understand. Here’s what you do: tell your neighbor you have sex every day.
Vaguely_vacant@reddit
Every Saturday. Sometimes other days but Saturday is a given.
FemaleMishap@reddit
If both of us are not too achy then weekly, or twice a week.
Now to throw off your whole poll, I'm non monogamous and have like five partners and regularly have sex with two of them whenever we can. The others are a lot further away and a pita to get to, so those are more special events. Most of my partners have others of their own so...
Might also have a friend becoming a fwb but that's not materialised yet.
FreddyMercuryFazbear@reddit
It's hard to make time for it during the week but we try to go at it in the morning on weekends.
CantFindMyWallet@reddit
We hit a long dry spell after my youngest was born, but he's 1 now, and we're generally at about twice a week (monthly crimson tide excepted).
Deletedmyotheracct@reddit
2-3/weekly. It's actually gone up quite a bit since my wife turned 40 and we both quit drinking.
Milkweedhugger@reddit
Married 18 years, no kids. We average twice a week.
HumanExpert3916@reddit
Married 18 years. No kids. Maybe 3 times a year?
ShartFlex@reddit
Shit I’d be more than twice a week if I married an 18 year old
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
histprofdave@reddit
No kids, been partnered long term (never actually got legally married) for nearly 20 years now, I'd say on average once a week. Obviously that varies sometimes. If we're stressed out, might go on a 3 week dry spell, sometimes might go 3-4 times in a week. But once a week seems about average. Obviously that's less than in our 20s, but hey, that's life and we're pretty ok with it.
Fkappa@reddit
It fluctuates.
Sometimes once a week, sometimes once a month.
ScroatusMalotus@reddit
Anywhere from 4 - 10 times per month.
Adventurous_Bar_2337@reddit
Enough to keep things fresh and fun. I’m 43 she’s 29 and just had our first child.
18randomcharacters@reddit
I’m mid 40s she’s almost 40.
Probably every couple weeks. Maybe down to once a month occasionally. Working on improving that
UnhappyEquivalent400@reddit
We’re streaky. Sometimes we go 10 days without, sometimes we smash five nights in a row. It probably averages out to twice a week.
Adrasteia-One@reddit
What is this sex you speak of?
Lately, it's been once every 2 or 3 weeks. Such is the reality of middle age and parenting, sadly.
braywarshawsky@reddit
Oye...
Not as often as it used to be, but that's because of medical issues. Otherwise, it'd be a couple times a week on average.
NetflixandJill@reddit
Under ideal health and life balance, 3-4 times a week.
We have 9-5 jobs, a teen in the house, I'm post-menopausal and we're both physically fit.
During the time I was peri-menopausal and we worked shift work plus lots of overtime, it could be less but we always aimed for at least once a week for sanity. I have multiple chronic health issues but do my best to keep those issues in check so my sex life is impacted as little as possible.
OctopusFedora@reddit
Together about 20 years, 2 kids. We have sex 3-4 times per week. We occasionally dabble in group sex so it’s more frequent around those times because we’re all horned up.
RealCauliflower773@reddit
2 kids 2&5. Once a year. FML
LongbowTurncoat@reddit
Husband and I will be married 18 years in November and we have sex maybe once a week? I think we’d both prefer more, but having a teenager and two needy dogs makes it a little trickier!
Puzzled_Loquat@reddit
When I was married (20s- early 30s) once every few weeks/months… idk. It’s amazing we actually had kids.
I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years now, we don’t live together. Only spend 1-2 nights a week together on average and it’s anywhere from 1-3x then usually.
msheehan418@reddit
Everyday unless someone is sick and even then…
BreakfastBeerz@reddit
1-2 a month.
With that said, I think this is a loaded question as the number has very little to do with age. You need to look at a lot of other things, career, kids, health, to paint any kind of picture with the data.
FullyAdjustableFunk@reddit
5-6 times a week. Usually twice in a night on weekends.
Honestly depends more on energy levels and if we’re fighting. But generally at least 5 times a week
Hossflex@reddit
Married with a 6 year old. Twice a week is our usual. Vacations it’s more. Wasn’t always this way. Definitely had dry spells of a month or two here and there. And that’s not counting being sick or something. Took lots of talking to get us back to pre kid levels.
lemmaaz@reddit
4x a week
No_Proposal7812@reddit
Once or twice a week maybe. Married with two teenagers and a 10 year old at home still. I wish it was more but it's getting less as my husband gets further into his 40s. He seems to have more performance issues but God forbid he talks to a doctor about it.
Expensive-Day-3551@reddit
I’m not married but in a long term committed cohabitation relationship. For us it’s usually 6 times a week. Sometimes 2x day and sometimes we skip a day. He’s in his 50s and I’m in my 40s
pixelpheasant@reddit
Is monogamous cohabitation of ... more than a decade valid for this survey?
I had been on the verge of declaring it a dead bedroom, but then he got on ozempic, feels better about himself, and we've been able to work through some very serious shit, so, now it's like once a week. We'll see how long that lasts, lol. I hope it does, it's better than ever.
Warrior-Cook@reddit
Normally once a season, lol...but this past week, she's been like Peg Bundy and I'm losing sleep from her med change.
cmgww@reddit
A few times a month. We have 3 small boys, so busy with that….but she has a time of the month where I’m apparently irresistible to her, lol.
Left_Ad5305@reddit
3-4 times a week
portrait_black@reddit
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
Quizleteer@reddit
It’s cyclical with us. Sometimes we have dry spells that last over a month and during some periods we have sex at least 2x a week. Mood and circumstances really factor into how active we are. We went through a stressful unemployment period and were too anxious to even think about sex for months. Then, last weekend was really nice for us, we reconnected emotionally and physically and are back at it again.
CWOrange@reddit
My wife and I are in our mid-to-late forties. It averages out to once or twice a day. Some days we don’t, other days (weekends when we don’t have household or parenting responsibilities getting on the way) it could be several times through the day. I also work from home so an afternoon delight between meetings is a possibility during the work day.
OTOH, in my 20s my first wife and I had sex maybe once every few months.
Far-Slice-3821@reddit
Together 20 years, married 13.
If you count all means of getting each other off our mean average is two times a week. P in V is probably under or at once a week.
Median is zero. Dying siblings and demented parents are bigger libido killers than infant induced sleep deprivation ever was.
BeefSupremeeeeee@reddit
Divorced then remarried a few years ago. I'd say higher than average =P
No_Machine7021@reddit
I’m honestly amazed at all of you doing this 2-3 times a week or more with kids. I’m the horndog of the two of us, so I’m up for it more than my husband.
that’s not saying much. We are tired. 😆. But we’re happy. We make up for it with quality. 😏
zzzzzzzzzzzzzza1@reddit
3/4 times a week
jacobasstorius@reddit
This thread is so depressing
_its_a_SWEATER_@reddit
You know what gets in the way?
Complaining.
It ruins any mood, and it has increased year over year.
mclassy3@reddit
2-4 times a week. Depends on how tired we are or whatever. At least once a week unless one or the other happens to be out of town. We have been together for 17 years.
Calm-Ad-4409@reddit
Together almost 21 years at least 1-3 times a week.
bcentsale@reddit
Alone or with each other?
ReferToMeAsDonald@reddit
When the kids were home twice a week, now empty nesters probably 4-5x a week
burnednotdestroyed@reddit
Usually 3-4x a week? If we're super tired more like 1-2x so I guess 2-3x is average.
maje8290@reddit
We average 2x a week?
I’m 42, she’s 51 fwiw
Overall_Falcon_8526@reddit
2-3 times per week.
tultommy@reddit
1-3 times a week. We've been married for 15 years so it has slowed down some. I feel like we do pretty good after all this time though.
CaptZombieHero@reddit
Been with my wife for 22 years. Two kids. We have sex 2-3 times a week.
Away_Worldliness4472@reddit
When my marriage was good, probably 5-6 times a week.
When it was bad, probably twice a week.
We were horny people.
Dark_Marmot@reddit (OP)
Sunchinethewerewolf@reddit
Married with 2 kids. We still do it like 4 times a week.
JDRL320@reddit
1-2x a week
No_Cicada_7003@reddit
4-5x a week on average.
I will be forever grateful for my MIL point blank telling my wife, "get it as often as you can because you never know when life will change and take it away".
SunshineInDetroit@reddit
It depends. We're 47 and we try to keep it going at least three times a week but some weeks it's just so busy
KayArrZee@reddit
About once a week except that week
Agreeable_Mouse6000@reddit
Before our kid came along, every other day. Since then, almost never. He’s 2 and by the time we put him to sleep we are absolutely fried. We would more often if we had more privacy and time to ourselves but that’s a rarity these days.
FestiveArtCollective@reddit
When things aren't hectic, we average 4 to 6 times a week. When things get hectic, we can go a week or two. If we go longer than two weeks, we make time as we both start getting cranky.
library_wench@reddit
1-2 times per week.
On vacation, 1-2 times per day.
Electronic-Ride-564@reddit
Spouse. lol
Amyava510@reddit
3 times a month
LetJesusFuckU@reddit
Only I'm in my 40's. And 3 to 4 on a bad week .
QuoVadimusDana@reddit
2-3 times a week.... sometimes more, sometimes less. Lately our various medical issues have interfered 😭😭