What is the most aggressively British thing you've ever caught yourself doing?

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247mumbles@reddit

Despite having new-feeling palpitations, I didn’t book an appointment with my cardiologist because I didn’t feel that bad and didn’t want to bother her. My British friends understood where I was coming from, but my Ukrainian roommate almost slapped me when I told her lol

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nigeltheworm@reddit

Tutting, in a Canadian accent, then apologising.

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Indigo-Waterfall@reddit

Probably when I realised I was having 8-15 cups of tea a day…..

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Blunder_Woman@reddit

Britishness aside, 15 cups of coffee is a LOT of caffeine. Conservatively, you’re looking at about 750mg of caffeine in that much tea, and the NHS recommends consuming no more than 400mg per day.

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Indigo-Waterfall@reddit

I know. I no longer consume any caffeine :). I do miss it a lot.

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Martinonfire@reddit

…rookie numbers

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Jerico_Hill@reddit

My dad gets through 25-30 a day!

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Blunder_Woman@reddit

If he’s drinking 30 cups of normal caffeinated tea, that’s a legitimately dangerous amount of caffeine to be consuming in one day

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Jerico_Hill@reddit

For sure, waste of time telling him anything though. I've moved on from that for my sanity.

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Indigo-Waterfall@reddit

Is it though….? lol

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Martinonfire@reddit

It’s almost 8 am and I’m on my fourth mug of the day ……

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Indigo-Waterfall@reddit

Alright David Brent. lol

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AnxiousAppointment70@reddit

Came here to say that

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Mrman122333@reddit

Eating fish and chips

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Vacant418@reddit

TLDR nearly bled out because I didn't want to make a fuss

When I had a C - Section, the doctor put the thing in my hand for blood (a tourniquet?). She walked away before "closing it" so my blood started to slowly flow out onto the floor.

As a polite Brit, I thought "This is probably fine, I dont want to cause a fuss. The doctor must know what she's doing".

A minute or so later she came back, saw she fucked up and sorted it. Phew!

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astraphobique@reddit

I was in for an induction and woke up in labour, I didn't want to push the button because I didn't want to annoy the midwives on the ward. My partner did it because I was in so much pain but refusing to "be a bother", turned out I was 3cm, gave birth a couple hours later:)

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MyCrustySock696@reddit

I had something very similar to this happen to me, I had to to to hospital because of an illness that turned into pneumonia which wouldn't go away to the point I got taken in an ambulance, I was in a hospital bed in a&e they had a sort of canula thing in me (I was really out of it so I cant fully rememeber) but anyway it slipped out of my arm while the doctors and nurses were out of the room and blood was just sort of squirting out on to the floor and I was to polite to say anything and just waited till someone came back

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Vacant418@reddit

Haha why are we like this?!

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NiceyChappe@reddit

I have theorised that some of us need a lesson where we practise asserting ourselves. Just a little bit.

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Littleprawns@reddit

Cannula!

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IshtarJack@reddit

Arguing with a Kiwi who put milk in with the teabag before adding the boiling water. The horror! He had the audacity to see that WE were doing it wrong!

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missingpieces82@reddit

Morris Dancing. I did it growing up. And I’m proud of it. I love the cultural dances of the UK, be it Irish stepdancing, Scottish ceilidh dancing, Welsh clog dancing, Maypole dancing, or Morris Dancing.

I hope it comes back into fashion at some point in England. It always makes me laugh how the gobby pro-British nationalists wouldn’t go near Morris Dancing. I mean come on… put your money where your mouth is. The waving of hankies, the jingle of bells, the clank of wood on wood.

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langly3@reddit

Chumbawamba wrote a song about that

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Cautious-Start-1043@reddit

Talking to some random outside a pub in Scotland, to the point where my German girlfriend thought I knew the person. Happened a few other locations over the years too.

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naturekiwis@reddit

Moan

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itsboleynbird@reddit

Talking about the weather

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properwickedness@reddit

Said sorry to a post for bumping into it, realised it was a post, then turned back around and apologised to it again for thinking it was a person.

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SiteIntelligent7603@reddit

I quite often say thank you to cash machines.

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Fun-Needleworker9590@reddit

When the machines take over I'm hoping they allow the people who said thank you to cash machines to live.

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No_Breakfast_9267@reddit

I, for one, will wecome our machine overlords.

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Fun-Needleworker9590@reddit

Same, especially if they make my day to day decisions for me!

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No_Breakfast_9267@reddit

Probably already do. AI will just make it worse(?)

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Laazarini@reddit

😂😂 I once apologised profusely for bumping into someone in a club, only to realise it was a mirrored wall and I was apologising to myself…

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No_Breakfast_9267@reddit

Mate. We've all done that! Or tried to walk through it, thinking it was a door.

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No_Breakfast_9267@reddit

Lol!You should've been on Monty Python!

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JadeLogan123@reddit

Good to know I’m not the only one that does this 😂

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Raqonteur@reddit

Oh god yes, apologising to inanimate objects, my best one was an empty, parked car I walked into and ended up over the bonnet because I was distracted

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theeconomistpierre@reddit

This is amazing I’m in tears

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Luso_Wolf@reddit

Not the exactly the same, but in 2020 I once caught myself social distancing from a passing bus when I worried I was closer than 2m

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WatchingTellyNow@reddit

Been there, done that, a lot more than just the once...

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Sleazeberry@reddit

Catching myself tutting and turning to others disapprovingly when someone cuts into a queue.

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GreatChaosFudge@reddit

I was going to say just tutting in general. I’m not sure there’s much more that’s uniquely British.

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No_Breakfast_9267@reddit

But copied by the Americans. Catwoman, on the TV show "Batman" used to say "Tsk,tsk, and another tsk,Batman"

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ImaginaryParrot@reddit

Saying 'you 're welcome' under your breath when you're in the car and they don't say thank you

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BigBunneh@reddit

My cussing took a strange turn a few years ago when being cut up on the roads. I progressed from calling them a "muppet" to calling them a "twat", which then morphed into a full rendition of the theme tune from Tots TV, replacing every instance of "tot" with "twat"...

I'm a twat Je suis une twat Tilly Tom and Tiny We're the twats on twat TV Un, deux, twat!

It does help, honestly.

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Zingobingobongo@reddit

I reserve “bellend” for my driving related swearing. Not intentionally, it just turns out other drivers are bellends.

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Cat2247@reddit

I had to look that one up. Love it!

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BigBunneh@reddit

It works!

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Sleazeberry@reddit

This is beautiful, thank you

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Chemical_Pop2623@reddit

Or when you hold a door and get no thank you, I don't matter it though lol

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Traditional_Bison472@reddit

A classic

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Enemies_Forever@reddit

US tourist here that was visiting the war memorial in Edinburgh Castle War Memorial, and some lady just parked herself in the middle of the ramp to lean on the railing. The ramp is maybe 3 feet wide, so as my wife and I squeeze past her, I turn to my wife and just ever too loudly said, "Hmm, the middle of the ramp seems like a terrible place to stop, doesn't it?"

Such injustice cannot stand.

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South-Bank-stroll@reddit

I’m sorry to have to tell you that you are no longer a US tourist. You have become one of usssssssssss. You’ll have to stay now, so pop the kettle on.

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stoic-lemon@reddit

I live in Japan and do this far more often than you'd expect. Their queue game is weak.

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Domwoj@reddit

Not me but veneers

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FuzzyMathAndChill@reddit

When someone claims to want jelly on their toast and the fight music starts

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abitofasitdown@reddit

Thanking a Japanese toilet when the lid automatically lifted.

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Famous-Reporter-3133@reddit

Said to my neighbour who was washing his car ‘fancy washing mine next?’. Immediately cringed at myself. Cue an evening of self loathing. What could be more British?!

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Shot_Fox3432@reddit

Having a cup of tea in my knickers in the middle of the night while having a fag because I can't sleep.

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ButteredNun@reddit

Did you run out of clean cups?

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Shot_Fox3432@reddit

I nearly spit out the actual cup of tea that I was drinking when I read this. Thank you for that lol.

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Dr_Havotnicus@reddit

The most aggressively British thing I will do today is correct your spelling. Spat is the proper past tense of spit in British English

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Cat2247@reddit

Spit out is ok. Spitted out is not.

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Academic_UK@reddit

Don’t Americans use “spat”?

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Dr_Havotnicus@reddit

Nope. Now I've pointed it out, you won't be able to stop noticing it 😈

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Shot_Fox3432@reddit

Less common. Still grammatically correct, but they tend to use spit as past and future tense.

When I text my husband, I tend to pick up some of the other ways that he says things and it carries on to the next thing that I'm doing. This is a good example of that.

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Shot_Fox3432@reddit

Apologies. My husband is American. I sometimes have a texting accent.

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slobcat1337@reddit

There’s something so peaceful about a 2AM fag on quiet night

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Flat_Scene9920@reddit

Especially sipping tea out of your knickers and enjoying the breeze...

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E420CDI@reddit

Beef curtains flapping...

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DarkSparxx@reddit

Perched out the step on the back door?

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Agreeable_Taint2845@reddit

While fisting the deckhand boy as a rite of passage. Unfortunately for the lad, it's a rite of back passage.

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QOTAPOTA@reddit

I’m imagining a Hockney painting now.

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Fanoflif21@reddit

Queuing for a COVID jab, in drizzle, and chatting to the elderly woman in a wheelchair in front of me about the weather and her grandchildren.

The rule is you cannot speak to a stranger (I'm in the south) unless they are very old, you are both female and one or both of you are obviously nervous. Then start with the weather.

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BobbieMcFee@reddit

I find people in the UK are faaaaar more stranger social than in Scandinavia where I now live.

My son was shocked when we went to the UK and to a caff. "Dad, she called me darling! Do you know her?" and later "I thought you were chatty, but you're actually quiet for an English'.

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Accomplished_Alps463@reddit

Lol, I married a Finnish lady, 35 years of confusion .😎🇬🇧🤝🇫🇮

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BobbieMcFee@reddit

After I moved to Sweden, I asked where all the naked blonde people running from saunas into lakes were. I was told I stopped moving one country too early!

Speaking of which, I forgot to watch EV semi 1 on Tuesday night...

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awettergren@reddit

Redeem yourself in ten minutes please duckeh (I'm a Swede living in England, east mids)

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Fanoflif21@reddit

Women within 'mum range' are licenced to call all children: Love Darling Sweetheart Pickle

It's in the Magna Carter (ancient ice cream recipe book for those less historically knowledgeable than me) and we will bear no truck with any complaints.

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BobbieMcFee@reddit

No "me duck"?

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Fanoflif21@reddit

Sadly, I don't feel qualified to use that particular phrase due to never having lived further north than Oxford.

I wish I could but fear reprisals for cultural appropriation.

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zombiejojo@reddit

I've been in "me duck" territory for over 30 years but my southern roots mean I call everyone: love, sweetheart, bubs, pickle, sausage, flower, petal, darling, m'dear, dude, chap and mate. Not one of these is gender or age specific 😁

I can't say "me duck" i still don't feel qualified

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Fanoflif21@reddit

I also use folks 😂but I think if I used dude I'd break out in a rash 😊

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Humble_Consequence13@reddit

I live in the Midlands and can confirm duck is not gender specific. It's quite sweet seeing two old blokes refer to each other as such.

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Fanoflif21@reddit

It would be 😊

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Fanoflif21@reddit

Bab! My dad's family were all from Brum and I was our bab for years and now our daughter is!

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miasabine@reddit

Yup. I’m from Norway but live in Scotland. A few years back my mum came for a visit. We went to a pub where a lovely old couple struck up a conversation with me. I say me and not us because my mum looked like she was unsure if she’d be breaking the law by speaking. We do not talk to strangers in Scandinavia.

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NickEcommerce@reddit

Or one of you is taller than the other, and the short person needs something from the top shelf of a supermarket.

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Gnarly_314@reddit

But you can't be a tall person with a bad back and knees and ask a short person to pass something from a low shelf. That would be degrading. You fold yourself down like a broken deckchair and pause for a while before pulling yourself upright using the shelving. (I have messaged my husband in a different part of the shop to come and rescue me.)

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Fanoflif21@reddit

Yes! My mum was tiny and tall people endlessly reached for things for her if I wasn't there! 😊

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Accomplished_Alps463@reddit

I'm 6' 2" but am forced to drive a disabled scooter, 70, and no longer able to walk with old military injuries and age, and fella a few years younger and a little shorter offered to get something from a high shelf. It wasn't what I wanted, I was deciding what cooked meat I wanted from a lower shelf. But I accepted it just because he felt good for doing it. Sometimes, we do rather than upset people, I lost the item later and went back around for my selection of meat, but I feel sad to feel I could not be honest with myself, for fear of hurting him. Life feels sad sometimes that we can't be honest, and if we could, we'll, maybe we would get on better. Honestesty, if we could take it, would solve everything.

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Fanoflif21@reddit

You were helping him to be kind that's never a bad thing. I'm betting if you'd said thanks so much for the offer but I'm actually torn between beef and chicken that would have been fine too.

Honesty is often best but it never hurts to put a bit of sugar on it.

I'm sorry that your service is impacting your health; my dad was navy (fleet air arm- lied about his age to get in), uncle was RAF and grandad was army. I had planned to follow dad into the navy but fell in love- first with my partner and then with teaching small people.

I hope you are getting proper support. You risked and changed your life so other people's lives could remain the same - thank you.

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DrunkStoleATank@reddit

Another niche exceotion, if you ride a motorcycle you can for example pull up at a motorway services in the bike parking area and start chatting to any other biker that happens to be there.

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Fanoflif21@reddit

Nice!

Also if you all get on the last train in terrible weather and you are packed in like sardines then you are allowed to say things about the weather and being lucky.

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ReynoldsHouseOfShred@reddit

The rule is you cannot speak to a stranger

Oh fuck that I only will adhere to that if I'm on the tube.

Wherever else, like home in cornwall or off out on travels I'll always be polite and outward. It's welcomed in places south around london.

I went around a supermarket once in Bournemouth and 100% of people were dawdling and talking to each other and randoms. I got so annoyed but the grim realisation is I'm the grumpy one.

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Fanoflif21@reddit

I find Bournemouth/ Christchurch is full of friendly people partly because of the pace of life and partly because lots of us are on holiday and ALL the rules are off on holiday!! 😊

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DimRose23@reddit

Walking into a room with the big light on “It’s like Blackpool illuminations in here!”

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sir_thrillho@reddit

Referring to any busy place as being "like piccadilly circus out there"

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TulipTattsyrup99@reddit

I do the same, and if it’s brightly lit..”Like Blackpool Illuminations out there”.

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Forgetful8nine@reddit

"Why's big light on? Like Blackpool Illuminations in 'ere!"

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Tumtitums@reddit

I don't this even though I've never been to Blackpool or seen these illuminations in a picture

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Lou-de-Lou-de-Lou@reddit

Oh you too, always always ALWAYS! 🤣🤣👍

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sir_thrillho@reddit

Iconic and always funny

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Futhamucker1@reddit

Especially when you’re just emerging from Piccadilly Circus tube station.

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Lou-de-Lou-de-Lou@reddit

Always always always! 🤣🤣🤣

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PepperSpree@reddit

Letting someone attempting to hop in front of me at a store that there’s a queue, I’m on it and they’re not (but better be if they want to get served in one piece!).

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Budget_Newspaper_514@reddit

Looking for sandwiches in NY

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Ok-Opportunity-979@reddit

Eating Beans on Toast and loving every bite!

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Expensive_Finding_74@reddit

Having failed to recognize Alessandro del Piero, I was this close to calling him out for queue jumping at Shanghai airport, true story.

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kristalcookies@reddit

Theres a queue here you know!! 🤣🤣🤣

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skepticCanary@reddit

Playing the video game Colonisation with no guilt

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Historical_Heron4801@reddit

Defending the personal space of a swan.

A tourist in the Lake District was following a swan at close quarters and making weird gestures and noises at it. It kept moving away, he followed. I did the exact same to him. He didn't like it. I told him to back off the swans and advised him that they belonged to the Queen (it was about 10 years ago).

He left.

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AdventurousTart1643@reddit

i dad voiced an entire plane full of people to make them sit down so me and a couple colleagues (all in the back row) could get off the plane to catch a connecting flight that had already been waiting for 45 minutes.

the captain announced it just as we came to a stop at the terminal, everyone ignored basically ignored his request and started filling the aisle and trying to grab stuff from overhead lockers etc, i lost my very British shit - they all sat back down.

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loki_dd@reddit

The power of "The Voice"......it comes to those in need

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TwistMeTwice@reddit

Seriously. I was staff at a sci-fi con in the US some gazillion years ago, and was checking with security, when something happened in the merchant's room. It needed to be shut. So many people trying to get a bargain, all ignoring the staff. I bellowed out that the room was shutting due to crowding, and apparently there's an instinctive response for a bunch of geeks to a British accent because they all left. And then I crawled off, mortified at raising my voice. Pretty sure if I was a cat, I'd have lost a life that day.

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Lou-de-Lou-de-Lou@reddit

Love it!

Lost my kid once, I ran into Sainsbury’s screaming “has anyone seen a kid?!” people looking at me like I’m crazy, so I screamed “HELP ME LOOK FOR HIM” and I swear to God the whole shop started looking in clothing racks, on shelves, in each others trolleys, God bless them all but Brits do as they’re told if they hear a commanding voice! 😍😆

Ps I heard “I’ve got him!” about 30 seconds later, 2 aisles over. 😁

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miasabine@reddit

Not sure if your kids are now at an age where they can be relied upon to not abscond, but if it were to happen again, I was once told the best thing to do is loudly shout the child’s sex, age and a short description of them and their clothing. So for example “3 YEAR OLD GIRL, BLONDE HAIR, YELLOW TROUSERS, BLUE JACKET AND RED SHOES”. That way everyone in the vicinity knows exactly who to look for.

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weedywet@reddit

I say thank you to Siri.

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Ok-Classroom-5235@reddit

Tutting (but obviously not saying anything) when someone has had the audacity to queue jump.

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Gasguy9@reddit

Starbucks somewhere between phoniex arizona and el centro middle of the night. You cross a time zone so who knows what time it is. I just want a cup of tea. Confronted by some hyper californa batista. Who wants to know everything about me. I'm polite as I can be. Well aware I'm a cliche squaddie wanting a cup of tea.

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Conscious_Use_1282@reddit

Tutting

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drunkenmonki666@reddit

Mexican stand off at an open door telling each other to 'no, you go first' until we were basically blood enemies.

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Research_Opinions@reddit

Saying thank you to cash machines!

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Plumb789@reddit

Cooking on a barbecue in the pouring rain. Running in and out of the house with an umbrella to check on the food.

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DisMyLik18thAccount@reddit

Barbecue in the rain low-key sounds so nice

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bigboyjak@reddit

I've cooked over campfires In the woods countless times while it's been raining. Not heavy rain, but enough you wouldn't want to be sat out in it.

The combination of leaves over head and the warmth of the fire makes a unique experience. You're getting wet .. but it's actually enjoyable.

There's nothing better than eating a burger with some wet spots on the bun beside a fire

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Goose-rider3000@reddit

There are SOME things better. I guarantee it.

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ATLDeepCreeker@reddit

Like doing ANYTHING, not in the rain ... is better.

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bigboyjak@reddit

Nope. Even as my first born was entering the world I had one thing on my mind...

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Celtiana@reddit

I've heard that it's an Irish thing, but I can't just say 'bye' once on the phone, I have to say 'bye, bye, bye', I can't help it

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bruisedandmewling111@reddit

Existing. No Surrender

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BuyLower4844@reddit

Having a cheese and pickle sandwich and not even thinking about dill

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dregjdregj@reddit

Internally shuddering at foreigners for .....existing

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Somekindacreature@reddit

Import British teabags to America so I can have my PG Tips in peace and not whatever bullshit they try to pass off as tea.

Also, actually using a kettle and not the fucking microwave.

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sharknamedgoose@reddit

Sitting in the garden (read: concrete back yard with two folding chairs, a table dragget outside from storage, and a sad-looking potted plant on said table) with an incredibly ill-fitting football shirt, drinking a mini bottle of rosé, because it was "too hot to be inside".. in 17°C weather.

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solarflares4deadgods@reddit

Gotten into an argument about the difference between crumpets and English muffins with someone from the US

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Free-Question-1614@reddit

Eating beans on toast every morning

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zombiejojo@reddit

Wearing a t-shirt that says "Make America Great Britain Again"

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ChocUK22@reddit

Telling something/object to fuck off because it's either fallen off a shelf or bench/bunker or I've missed judge it and it's dropped on the fall. Everytime I do this like the other day I was putting a bottle in the kitchen for recycling and next thing I know it falls onto the floor and all hubs can hear is me telling it to fuck off as I bend down to pick it back up.

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zombiejojo@reddit

If it falls off again when you put it back, it gets escalated to

"OH JUST FUCK THE FUCK RIGHT OFF!"

"fucker"

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ukman29@reddit

Called a mate a c**t and took the mick out of him mercilessly for several hours about some minor mistake he’d once made. All in the name of affection for him.

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zombiejojo@reddit

He'd be upset if you didn't. You don't want him to think you don't care. Carry on.

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zombiejojo@reddit

Started a fake queue outside a comic/game shop. There wasn't a book signing or game release on that day or anything special. We just waited until a few people joined our queue, and then wandered off, leaving them somewhat perplexed.

Our queuing instinct is strong. We don't even question it.

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my11fe@reddit

Not using car horns when stuck in traffic like a lot of other counties seem to.

Aka African Asia. And the place north of the gulf of mexico

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EitherChannel4874@reddit

Said to every cabbie ever "you been busy? Just started or going home soon?"

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EuphoricGrapefruit32@reddit

Might just be aggressive, bur held the door open for people and say 'you're welcome' to their faces when they don't say thank you.

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Charming-Objective14@reddit

Shouting loudly that I needed assistance at the self checkout because there was no staff around and the Machine was being a nob

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Bebbette@reddit

My first bank account - over 35 years ago, I couldn’t stop myself from writing on the lines PAY Y, X AMMOUNT - “please” and then signing etc. - now if asking politely for a piece of paper to do something doesn’t fit here then, I don’t know what does.

I also had a habit of saying “goodnight” when the newscasters did!! Yes, I know.

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No1Reddit@reddit

I once made myself a cup of tea and didn't offer one to my wife because I was angry at her.

That was 25 years ago and I still feel bad for doing. Can't even remember what I was angry about and she didn't notice.

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coffeeebucks@reddit

I apologised to someone a few days ago because I walked into a lift they were already in

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Stunning-Bumblebee45@reddit

Yelling at Australians on the freeway 'don't you people know how to merge, and it's not dayboo and it's not crussant.'

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OneOfManyChildren@reddit

Ugh I hate dayboo

It always amuses me too how Aussies will refer to something good as ‘Mickey Mouse’ which is the exact opposite back home

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Wee_Potatoes@reddit

"Ummmmm, I think you mean FEWER"

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Seanacles@reddit

A guy cut me up in his car I chased him for 10 minutes till I came to my senses

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Dutch_Slim@reddit

The ones I love are where you’re going that way anyway. They keep eyeing you in the mirror, you can see they’re getting antsy, and then suddenly you disappear for your turn 🤣🤣

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Alternative-Fox-7255@reddit

Lawn mower arms race; when someone on your street mows their lawn and you have to mow yours too

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Dutch_Slim@reddit

But you also have to make it so you don’t look like a copycat 😉

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Inevitable-Ear9453@reddit

We someone walks into me, I say sorry.

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Dr_Havotnicus@reddit

I colonised a country on the pretext of establishing trade and ruthlessly suppressed the native language and culture. Pretty aggressive, no?

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MarshallGibsonLP@reddit

I drew up a continental map with national borders which completely ignore history and geography.

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stoic-lemon@reddit

Did you change the name of country?

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Dr_Havotnicus@reddit

Just the spelling

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Goldf_sh4@reddit

Can you buy ham, egg and chips there now?

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Zealousideal-Set-592@reddit

I did the same in my husband's old apartment

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AdAggravating952@reddit

How hard is it for you to watch where you're going? No, that would be rude; rather, say SORRY. Fucking move out of my way; this isn't where you come for a stroll. No, that's rude; just say SORRY or EXCUSE ME. Apologise to everyone or even to a random inanimate object. Talk about the weather, casually ask Alright, mate?, and not wait for an answer. Put on the kettle irrespective of the time, chat about the weather, overreact as if it is a nightmare at the slightest inconvenience, and behave ignorantly if something life-changing has happened because it isn't the end of the world, is it?

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Ms_Tea_Break@reddit

Thanking people for stopping for me at a red light. (I’m Dutch and this is definitely not something I would have done back in the Netherlands)

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MrsArmitage@reddit

I went to Uzbekistan a few years ago on a group tour. We wondered if we were the only Brits in the entire country. To test this theory I shouted ‘oh 8 hundred double oh!’ as we walked past the town square in Khiva. It turns out we were not the only Brits!

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Gluecagone@reddit

Almost jumped off a balcony in Ibiza whilst pissed.

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joined_under_duress@reddit

Pint in the morning in an airport pub waiting to board a plane to eastern Europe for a stag do.*

*this was pretty much the only stereotypical British stag do moment as we were all far too old to do anything else remotely wild.

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sunheadeddeity@reddit

Not making a fuss.

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Royal_View9815@reddit

Jumping out of a car when we finally tracked down the person who hit my husbands car on sainsburys car park 18 months ago!!!

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Soaring670@reddit

Stomped out half way through of a work meeting and washed my mug up before going into the car and driving off.

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silvermantella@reddit

Saying "You're welcome" to an automated till after it thanked me for shopping at boots

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Cuntinghell@reddit

Passive aggressively saying "thank you" and "your welcome" when you open the door for someone and they don't thank you.

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sossighead@reddit

I once ate a full English for breakfast, fish and chips for lunch and roast beef for dinner all in the same day.

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MyCatIsAFknIdiot@reddit

That is a beautiful day!!

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BobbieMcFee@reddit

No beans on toast?

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sossighead@reddit

I hadn’t the room.

Did have 2 cups of tea.

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Luso_Wolf@reddit

What a day to be alive

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sossighead@reddit

Felt like I might explode by bed time.

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Lou-de-Lou-de-Lou@reddit

🤣

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ButteredNun@reddit

I kicked a badger to death with my Doc Martens while singing Champagne Supernova and eating a Gregg’s sausage roll.

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DarkSparxx@reddit

This sounds like a Mighty Boosh quote.

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Dizmondmon@reddit

"..in Plymouth."

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Stunning-Bumblebee45@reddit

Then surely it was an ivor dewdneys?

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Wiedegeburt@reddit

Landed in new york , got to the hostel then immediately went to look for something to eat , found a cafe and ordered a cheese toastie and chips and looked in disgust as they handed me the cheese toastie with a packet of crisps emptied out on the plate next to it.

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SONNYDISPOSITION@reddit

Someone dropped their baby at the park and I automatically went "whhheeeeyyyyyyyyy"

Was so ashamed.

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Fibro-Mite@reddit

I spent too long in Australia in my formative teen and early adult years (mostly the 1980s & 90s). When someone drops stuff, especially crockery or glassware, the general yell is "Taxi!" As in, you're too drunk to drive home.

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cariadbach64@reddit

We normally cheer

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HoraceorDoris@reddit

This made me laugh so much, I’m expecting to be sat next to you in Hells waiting room🤣

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SONNYDISPOSITION@reddit

Good to hear 😂 ill add it to the stand-up routine

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Busy_Mortgage4556@reddit

That'll not need washing.

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Dizmondmon@reddit

Three second rule.

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BlunderlandRabbit@reddit

Sack the juggler

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macsten@reddit

My belly hurts reading this!

Please tell me you were having a gag and a tinny 🫣 (been to long away, can’t remember what a can of beer is called)

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Sweettartface@reddit

As an American, I love all of these.

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zeocrash@reddit

I apologised to a fox I startled on a walk home one night.

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MMH1111@reddit

Saying 'EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME' when what I actually meant was 'DO THAT AND YOU FUCKING DIE'.

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Competitive-Bed-8587@reddit

Bwaaaaah

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Dontunderstandfamily@reddit

Waiting politely in a queue that isn't a queue

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thedrunkdingo@reddit

Apologising to the tv for pausing it (interrupting)

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RoutineClaim6630@reddit

I talk to strangers. Northern Brits seem to do this. Guilty. I usually cheer them up and get a laugh out of them. I think the world is a nicer place when we say hello and acknowledge others sharing this reality and time.

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pleiadeslion@reddit

Once a year, every year, I work my arse off to write the world's most average song

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ProfessionalEven296@reddit

Eurovision or Christmas? You could double your output!

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Marvinleadshot@reddit

Hey Christmas novelty song, worked 5yrs in a row, you never know, slap a charity on it like dead dog prevention or Little Donkey's stop plodding or something.

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HugsandHate@reddit

I still thank my landlord and shake his hand at the local pub, even though he hates me for no reason.

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Dnny10bns@reddit

Almost getting in a fight at a bar with a queue jumper.

It was a long queue and they were taking the piss.

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Nihil1349@reddit

Apologizing to a door frame I bumped into.

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SuburbanBushwacker@reddit

apologising to the person who just tried to blind me with an umbrella

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Fanoflif21@reddit

My partner just said it's a west country phrase - sorry - but point stands!

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Positive_Wiglet@reddit

Clearing my throat loudly and correcting someone when they say "skedule."

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Magacks@reddit

I fucking hate that🤣🤣

It’s shedule!!🤣🤣🤣

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DragonMage74@reddit

HAHA. If it's pronounced "skool" then it's pronounced "skedule."

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BobbieMcFee@reddit

I think you'll cause a schism.

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DragonMage74@reddit

You're a scholar and a gentleman....

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BobbieMcFee@reddit

'Sholler".

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Magacks@reddit

Don’t forget where English comes from mate! It’s definitely Skedule, Americans just love to change words so that they’re easier to say.🤣🤣

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Positive_Wiglet@reddit

Only in USA.

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GreatChaosFudge@reddit

The trouble is, sked-ule is actually closer to the root of the original word. It’s from the ancient Greek skhide meaning something that’s divided up. The sh sound appears to come from a medieval French corruption of the Latin schedula (also pronounced ‘sked’, incidentally).

So neither version is actually incorrect. But I always say ‘shed-ule’ so I don’t end up having to explain this every time.

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Dizmondmon@reddit

I'm going to start pronouncing it "ss-hed-ewe-elle" for universal annoyance.

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GoldenGolgis@reddit

Mr Banks from Mary Poppins has been the authority on the correct pronunciation of schedule since I first heard him sing in 1978

"I run my home precisely on (shhh)edule, At six oh one, I march through my door, My slippers, sherry, and pipe are due at six oh two, Consistent is the life I lead!"

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thecompbioguy@reddit

I've found my people.

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Crivens999@reddit

Tutting aloud in a queue

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Shoddy_Juggernaut_11@reddit

Socks and sandals in Spain.

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IPoisonedThePizza@reddit

Complaining to the Portuguese consulate as their poor wording on their site led to me and my wife wasting an afternoon of travelling to be sent away.

I wrote a two pages email in English (my second language) attaching screenshots of the Portuguese dictionary (my third language which I don't speak fluently) to make the point that "delivery of documents" implies the person delivers documents not the consulate, otherwise it should say "collection".

The website was updated.

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RequirementGeneral67@reddit

Getting pissy with the dumb yanks on Reddit

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killabien@reddit

Adding milk to a herbal tea

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Maple-Styrup@reddit

I genuinely enjoy a cup of tea with a small side plate of crumpets.

With butter dripping, obviously.

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red-fish-yellow-fish@reddit

Bonus points if you say “oooh that’s lovely!” when consuming

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Breakwaterbot@reddit

Being born in Britain to British parents.

Don't get much more British than that.

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syllo-dot-xyz@reddit

Don't get much more British than that.

I dunno, I bet you didn't even have a pre-painted red cross on your face, and wasn't even born with a side of ketchup on the plate

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BobbieMcFee@reddit

That's just English

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Dr_Havotnicus@reddit

Being born in Britain ~~to British parents~~.

Don't get much more British than that.

FTFY

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slade364@reddit

Hi Nige.

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lovinglifeatmyage@reddit

Counting the items in a persons basket at the ten or less items till

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ComplexIndividual786@reddit

Ten or fewer, dear boy.

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Evelyngoddessofdeath@reddit

items <= 10

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AceCarpets@reddit

Giving Paddington Bear stares to people talking on speaker

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Kanreki_25@reddit

Back in the 80’s sun bathing on a beach in Italy i absolutely had to have a cup of tea, so my mates went off to find a brew while I watched over out stuff. I died laughing when I saw them crossing the beach balancing a tea tray, tea pot, cups and saucers- the whole lot. We might as well have put a flag of st George on the top of the umbrella and be done with it. Laughing now thinking about it

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BlunderlandRabbit@reddit

Telling my coffee table to fuck off when I stub my toe on it

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Lou-de-Lou-de-Lou@reddit

Try saying “oh you slaaaaaaaaag”, it’s so satisfying 😆

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GreatChaosFudge@reddit

Just thought of another one: trying to get the attention of waiting staff in a restaurant, but without drawing the attention of anyone else.

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Defiant_Practice5260@reddit

I'm an aggressive queuer. If you turned up at the platform after me, damn straight I'm boarding the train before you, even if I have to give you a very curt cough or shove you out of the way.

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Livewire____@reddit

Having your hair cut. When the barber shows you the back of your head with the mirror and asking,

"is that OK?"

And you replying,

"Yes, that's fine"

When it isn't, and you're too polite to say so.

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Marvinleadshot@reddit

I told him I don't need to see it, I said I know it'll be fine, I don't need to see the back. 20+yrs later I don't have to go through that each time.

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peterhala@reddit

Being introduced to strangers of the opposite sex whilst on a naturist beach. It involves hand shakes, eyes above the chest and cocktail party formal friendliness.

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Icy-Belt-8519@reddit

Dunno of it it's the most aggressively British thing, but that I can think of recently... Yesterday there was a about 6 cars that went through a give way, one said thankyou, 1! Last one at that. Called the rest a bunch of cunts while smiling saying thankyou to the last one 😂

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Goldf_sh4@reddit

It's that time of year when I'm driving like this with all my windows open and so is everybody else and I'm pretty sure everyone is hearing everybody else's running car commentary.

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Marvinleadshot@reddit

Never have my windows open, my aircon keeps it cool enough, otherhalf insists on the windows being open, pointless, the inside of the car is a fridge why would I want warm air coming in.

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RadioDorothy@reddit

Tutting and glancing "slightly aggressively" in the general direction of (certainly not at) the woman who stood way too close to me in the queue at the fish and chip shop.

[-]

shelleypiper@reddit

Using a disposable BBQ indoors because weather got bad outside (I know, terrible idea)

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Lower_Discussion4897@reddit

I was in the security queue at Istanbul airport and some arabic speaking people behind me kept getting too close and bumping me with their bags. After a while of this I tutted loudly and half turned my head as if to look in the direction of the problem. Problem solved, but in the ensuing awkward silence I felt a bit guilty.

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Mooovement@reddit

Using the phrase and appropriate tone of cutting southern English accent “errrm, excuse me? We’re all queuing here?”

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TulipTattsyrup99@reddit

If I hold a door open for someone, and they sail through without a word, it makes my blood boil. I always say “No need for thanks, it’s what I’m here for”.

My husband hates it, as though they often turn back and say thank you, he says one day I’ll say it to the wrong person and get a punch on the nose.