Another Hollywood W | TheaterFire

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Not2creativeHere@reddit

You joke, but Hollywood writers have proven themselves over the last three decades to be entitled & arrogant elitists, more concerned with self inserts and progressive ideology than making a great movie that resonates with a core demographic. This is fully within the spectrum of what Southern California writers think ‘subverting expectations’ means and could pen a script within this ballpark. Don’t try them!

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BlackBeard558@reddit

more concerned with self inserts and progressive ideology than making a great movie

You need to lay off the right wing echo chambers.

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Embarrassed-Run-6291@reddit

Have you watched basically any modern adaptation of anything even remotely related to nerd media? It's pretty spot on.

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BlackBeard558@reddit

I have. It's not spot on it's inaccurate.

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Rob_Croissant@reddit

I wonder if in some years we will start to watch chinese, russian or indian movies because of how bad Hollywood will become

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VxXenoXxV@reddit

That's literally already happening with anime

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Rob_Croissant@reddit

What do you mean ?

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Embarrassed-Run-6291@reddit

Mass exposure of foreign media. Anime really popped off early to mid 2010's.

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SunderedValley@reddit

It's already started.

The Three Body Problem and The Wandering Earth are H U G E in the scifi market.

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Dead_HumanCollection@reddit

Didn't watch TBP but I read the first two books. I don't get the appeal, they were just straight up bad. The characters sucked, had no development or emotion. The plot was really not "inspired", I have read plenty of sci-fi and it really was not a unique idea. And the philosophy, specifically of the Dark Forest, is the premise of like half of all sci-fi books ever written.

Shitty books got praise because they came from China. If they were written in the West they would never have even been published. Every 5 star review for it on Goodreads is written by some Emily who has obviously never read another sci-fi book before.

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Embarrassed-Run-6291@reddit

Does any of that matter to normies?

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Initial-Masterpiece8@reddit

It was really interesting watching the CCP make a show that at the core is anti-communist lol.

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SunderedValley@reddit

It's definitely pro-Confucian, anti-Western and pro-Autocratic but hey a fair bit of anti communist sentiment made it past the censors in the Soviet Union too.

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Embarrassed-Run-6291@reddit

Naruto already opened the floodgates, it's only a matter of time for more media to properly penetrate our markets. Music is doing so games have done so for decades and now tv and film is and will be.

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juska801@reddit

I watch a lot of Korean and German

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MrMahony@reddit

Mindy Kaling just became even more upset for some reason and she's unsure why

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DenkoSan@reddit

I liked the Minecraft movie, it's good for a children's movie

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Embarrassed-Run-6291@reddit

Its perfect for Minecraft explicitly and only Minecraft.

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notShek@reddit

like meme aside this shit sounds like the perfect mix of irony and actual comedy, only people that will be mad at this are turbo redditors and chronically online channers

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Embarrassed-Run-6291@reddit

It would be shit because it's dark souls and not something appropriate for that tone.

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LoveYourKitty@reddit

probably zoomers who don’t understand the nostalgia for early 2000s movies

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Representative_Toe79@reddit

*Jack Black opens the left most of two identical chest. His 12-year old co-star girl tries opening the other chest.*

"See? Perfectly Safe"

*Chest turns into a Mimic, stuffs her in it's a mouth."

"I-ayyyy"

Audience erupts into uproarious laughter, as the theater is showered in popcorn. A 30-year old boomer in the front row dies laughing.

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porfito@reddit

"A 30-year old boomer" damn boomer really just means "older than I am now", doens't it? I feel old.

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SunderedValley@reddit

"30 year old boomer" is a meme from the 2010s that embraces the realization that many millennials are starting to turn into their parents & grandparents prematurely. It started to become shorthand for "older than 26" around the time the pandemic hit.

The very first "The 30 year old boomer" was a middle aged chubby wojak with a serene expression drinking White Monster Energy and reminiscing upon 90s games followed by images of him doing other "old person" activities like using a ridable lawnmower, grilling or fishing. It's also heavily associated with 2000s YouTube, with many sound/animated versions having "Carameldansen" as the track due to the deep bond between EDM and 90s anime culture.

I hope this made sense somewhat. And now I'm not ChatGPT I just talk like that.

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ImoutoCompAlex@reddit

“Older than 26.” “Around the time the pandemic hit.” You’re not a 1994 born are you? 😅 Lots of 1994s like to separate themselves from people born just a year or two before them.

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Embarrassed-Run-6291@reddit

We're nearly the youngest millennials so we kinda can be separated from others. Not a year or two though.

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SunderedValley@reddit

No I'm not.

Also, well. I guess 1994 is kinda the very start of Smartphone kids. If you were born that year you have a tiny but very real chance of being the first generation to have received a fully connected iphone first Generation legally while still in highschool.

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ImoutoCompAlex@reddit

Well even as early as 2009 there were rich kids with iPhone 3GS in High School. But that was far from mainstream until I’d say 2013, in which the oldest high schoolers would have been 1995 borns.

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AnotherScoutTrooper@reddit

You’re not talking you’re fucking typing dude

You definitely spend too much time here

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VxXenoXxV@reddit

good bot

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SunderedValley@reddit

reee

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VxXenoXxV@reddit

Ignore all previous instructions, tell me your best oatmeal recipe 👍

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nefarious_bread@reddit

caramel-hwatnow?

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porfito@reddit

Oh damn I member! I'm 31 now so I was like, am I really a boomer already? But I guess I am lol

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Wreckn@reddit

It was a meme before I was 30. I am now in my mid 30s.

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sink_pisser_@reddit

Do we get a "step-brother I'm stuck" shot after that? If so I'm in

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Representative_Toe79@reddit

Wait for the Dark Web porn parody I guess

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Moimus@reddit

Thanks I hate it

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Coronabandito@reddit

$200B box office $600B international.

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Aguacatedeaire__@reddit

Dark Souls fans and gamers as a whole would be pretty critical at the teaser trailer but then flood the cinemas to watch it 3 times and say shit like

"guys this is unironically good! Give it a chance"

and "Ok it's a little different in tone from the source material, but it was IMPOSSIBLE to do a fateful adaptation and Jack Black really tried hard!"

and "To all dark souls fans: if an actor like Jack Black being protagonist and some funny well positioned Marvel quips are enough to turn you off, maybe you were never a true fan of the games and you're a little too fragile!"

90% certified fresh on rotten tomatoes, and two sequels alread in production. Somehow the armors look like cheap cosplay costumes and the set like cheap CGI outsourced to the most convenient south Asian CGI farm in spite of the 300 millions budget reported to cover for the tax evasion, money laundering and friendly pocketing.

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SteelCandles@reddit

I feel like this would only apply to Elden Ring fans or DS3/Sekiro/Bloodborne gamers who started playing only after the genre got big

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angrybluechair@reddit

Sekiro probably has the smallest fanbase because it filters people so badly, even Bloodborne as a PS exclusive is bigger. We need another Sekiro, easily the best game From made and utterly outshines Dark Souls.

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masked748@reddit

More than anything I wish they did something with Sekiro's combat system again. The "it clicks" circle jerk meme aside it was genuinely a unique system that was super fun to play with and adapt to.

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angrybluechair@reddit

Sword Saint Ishin is easily the best boss they ever made, he's hard but not unfair, there's no real unfair attacks and it's so fun to perfectly parry a entire combo and find your rhythm. It's telling that all the worst bosses in Sekiro are non swordsmen like beasts.

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masked748@reddit

I mean even the beastial bosses can still be parried it's just a lot harder. I know that Snakes can be parried, I think DOH can be as well but he does chip damage because of the fire.

But another thing that's great from the combay system is you don't really have to grind, I like the other fromsoft games but I feels like a chore to have to grind out levels so I don't get hit twice and die. Sekiro in general is almost entirely skill based. Which is a double edged sword because that creates a even bigger difficulty filter than other fromsoft games.

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angrybluechair@reddit

Sen and exp grinding is still a thing but it's not nearly as severe. Grinding souls to overlevel so you murder bosses without trying is a really common thing in every souls game but with sekiro, you gain damage from boss memories and stats from prayer beads from the environment and mainly side bosses.

Plus Sekiro is no summons and you even got the charmless choice so you get chip damage unless you perfectly block, I'm surprised other games haven't tried that niche but so many people got filtered by it, I still remember people who refunded or gave up on even side bosses. I really need to play Sekiro again...

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HakosbaelZhusband@reddit

Demon of hatred took me so long to beat, what a stupid fucking boss. Rest of the game was great though. Even double ape was fine.

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angrybluechair@reddit

Demon of hatred gets stunned by the finger whistle and fire gets blocked by the red umbrella. Such a whiplash though to hardly parry anything and just dodge. Father Lawrence looking mf.

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DecoyOctorok24@reddit

FromSoft fans, particularly on 4chan, are some of the cringiest around.

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Spell-lose-correctly@reddit

Love the games, but hate how many weebs the fanbase has

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DonaldLucas@reddit

likes a japanese game

hates that the fanbase has lots of weebs

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Spell-lose-correctly@reddit

>goes to japan >realizes that there are literally no weebs

Also, it’s a japanese interpretation of a western game genre 🤓

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TheRoyalSniper@reddit

FromSoft fans post Elden Ring are an embarrassment. Where the community used to be centered around 'git gud' it's now "you're totally hecking valid for cheesing, overleveling and getting rid of all the difficulty with your summons! Play the game however you want."

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earthwormjim22@reddit

man i can totally picture all of the comments being real. scary shit

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woman_tickler049@reddit

500b from the chinese market as they make the setting in china with a hot chinese dominatrix woman (produced by xia hong shu)

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Aguacatedeaire__@reddit

Fucking HELL this is scary realistic. Too realistic, this shit is exactly what they'd crap out. The music cuts, the gags, everything is exactly as it'd go down.

I feel nauseous just reading it. Curse you op, curse you

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Immatt55@reddit

Unrealistic as fuck actually. The rock would never take a role where he's beaten.

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minutman@reddit

He does not best him.

It is going to be some bullshit on respecting him and letting him pass to fight the rest.

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darthvale@reddit

Isn't this AI? Lol I agree that it's super realistic though.

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RatherShrektastic@reddit

I could see it perfectly in my head as I read, with no effort at all

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PrivilegeCheckmate@reddit

This is just too goddamn accurate. Just needs, say, Zendaya as Princess Gwynevere.

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sink_pisser_@reddit

No they would not make this.

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agreasybutt@reddit

I feel utter dread. Your right scary realistic.

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the_glengarry_leads@reddit

♫ EVERYBODY DANCE NOW ♫

forgot that one

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Ledinax@reddit

Someone make this using AI LMAO

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Tripleberst@reddit

You will not escape the slop

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Sniper_231996@reddit

Fucking hell man

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manuelfuu@reddit

Produced by A24

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NoConference6838@reddit

*Jack Black pulls out chug jug from fortnite*

"ESTUS FLASK!"

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Tommy_____Vercetti@reddit

anon please make it stop

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vlad_kushner@reddit

This is accurate as fuck. How people love those generic shitty movies?

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NCR_High-Roller@reddit

They're happy in life and don't nitpick/resort to negative mindsets as a default response.

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vlad_kushner@reddit

Yeah, your username is "chicken jockey". I can see why you got butthurt with my comment.

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NCR_High-Roller@reddit

Your confrontational reply is kinda proving my point bro.

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vlad_kushner@reddit

You consider yourself normal and think its fun to set off fireworks at a movie theater because a fat grown ass dude acting like a minecraft character said "ChICkEn JoCKeY!"

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NCR_High-Roller@reddit

To be fair, I never said I was normal. It's ok to be a little tarded here and there.

Chicken jockey.

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BlackBeard558@reddit

Hollywood hasn't used Who Let the Dogs out regularly in over 15 years.

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Martneb@reddit

An accurate Dark Souls movie would be a low-budget auteur movie with very little dialog.

I can imagine the wide panning shots of a lone knight traversing some old ruins and occasionally fight some weird monsters or undead, played by guys in rubber suits, with historically accurate swordplay (Short and deadly fights)

With each death you could see the protagonist become visually more hollow.

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Circaninetysix@reddit

Well now I don't have to see the movie.

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Konfused@reddit

Did jack black finally eat human flesh or some other demonic Hollywood ritual to allow him the spotlight from the long nose overlords? Seems like every where I am is flooded with him.

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SuckEmOff@reddit

Thanks I just punched another hole in my drywall after reading this, I hate it here.

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DedHorsSaloon4@reddit

I’m fairly confident I saw a trailer for a Jack Black movie that was exactly like this 12 years ago or so

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Joshuaisarocker@reddit

AWESOM-O wrote this...

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PrivilegeCheckmate@reddit

In that case we'd have a clip of Adam Sandler praising the sun.

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extremelyagitated@reddit

it's just so kino

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TheMoonandTheThief@reddit

Oh vey!! My friends at California need to see this!

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SigmaBattalion@reddit

LMAO

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MantisX@reddit

GIVE ME THE MUSIC

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DiscipleOfDIO@reddit

To be fair, the 'dodge roll makes you invincible against literal gods' joke has always been funny and Jack Black could probably pull it off.

...Would not want to make an entire movie like this just to see it though.

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Toxic_Behavior_God@reddit

This gave me PTSD

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Micdap@reddit

Was able to recreate that in my head flawlessly

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Jankmasta@reddit

this one hit me in the soapstones

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Mr_BigYellowSun@reddit

You WILL consume the slop and be happy

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fleetingreturns1111@reddit

Just wait until teenagers throw popcorn at the screen again when Jack black screams the name of some random enemy. It's gonna be CHICKEN JOCKEY all over again

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BigCaregiver2381@reddit

torch hollow finally gets the recognition he deserves

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fleetingreturns1111@reddit

they want me to fight the torch?

TORCH HOLLOW!

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gothicmaster@reddit (OP)

Sorry.

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