The shit is in the mail!

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Delicious_Bus3644@reddit

Do the colonoscopy. Cathie’s way more things and earlier.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

My doc recommended that once I turn 50 (I'm almost there), but said this was still a good option for people 45-50 with a low risk and no family history of colon cancer.

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Your doctor is behind on the recommendations. This is a good article. I am not affiliated with the practice at all. The chart shows how much can be missed by not having a colonoscopy and this was for large polyps. Smaller polyps fare even worse. [https://www.gastroconsa.com/the-truth-about-cologuard-tests/](https://www.gastroconsa.com/the-truth-about-cologuard-tests/) https://preview.redd.it/wn2ybrd1ieze1.jpeg?width=560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1b6fc52e539478db460c3412c2855b6c7dbd9be

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p9k@reddit

You linked an article on a GI's site advocating that you use their colonoscopy service rather than Cologuard. There is no source for the data on their site, so I call BS.

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Delicious_Bus3644@reddit

Had my first colonoscopy at 48 and they found three pre-cancerous polyps.

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mydarkerside@reddit

Everybody needs to see this! Did mine at 45 and removed 4 benign polyps. The doctor told me 2 things that stuck out in my mind. \- Colon cancer is one of the only cancers you can prevent because of removing polyps. \- Not all polyps lead to colon cancer, almost all (95%) of colon cancers start from polyps.

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Ziczak@reddit

The box is fine. If there is is stuff I'm sure they will go right in for a scope.

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HLOFRND@reddit

One thing people miss is this: Under ACA plans your diagnostic screening should be covered at 100%. If you shit in the box and they find anything that needs follow up, the colonoscopy then becomes diagnostic and it is no longer free for most people. How much you pay will depend on your plan, but it’s worth knowing when you make your choice in case that changes the equation for you financially.

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Ziczak@reddit

But honestly, you would still pay and not let it go. I saw the stories where they charged for a scope that can back non-issues. Idk how they handle a situation where there's something.

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HLOFRND@reddit

So I looked into this when it was time for me to go. People were avoiding getting it done bc they feared that if something was found it would no longer be preventative and thus incur charges, so there’s something in the rules that says standard polyp removal and biopsy doesn’t add extra fees, or if it does they are very small.

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mydarkerside@reddit

\#1 rule of healthcare in America is be your own advocate. Don't take a doctor's advice at face value when they tell you a FIT or Cologuard test is good enough. The issue isn't when a stool sample tests finds something, it's when they don't find the polyps or cancer. By the time you have symptoms, it can be at stage IV. Colonoscopy can find 95% of large polyps. (and more importantly, the surgeon removes them) Cologuard can detect 42% of large polyps. Fit can detect 24% of large polyps.

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Ziczak@reddit

Scoping is best. I don't argue that. I should have said cologuard is a good option for those who would otherwise do nothing. I've had to send 3 boxes due to my samples being Too heavy. They said not to take a portion out, has to be right in. 😩 I

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thisTexanguy@reddit

Quick background - had diverticulitis at 38 and had a colonoscopy then. Doc removed 2 polyps that were pre-cancerous. Am 56 now, saw the same doc on Monday. He said that if he hadn't removed those polyps I would have had colon cancer by now. Moral of the story: get the camera shoved up your butt, it will save your life.

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Qwirk@reddit

My wife had colon cancer in her late 30's. Two rounds of chemo and it went into remission. She is finally to the check in every five years stage. My family said nothing to me about personal history (don't talk about it and it doesn't exist?) so I didn't know shit but it turns out polyps are all over in my family history. Covid hit, I forgot about it for a bit then suddenly I'm like holy shit, lets get this done. Went in thinking it may be bad, doc told me I was the picture of health. Get it done, at the least it will give you peace of mind.

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romulusnr@reddit

I feel like, secondhand knowledge, they *always* find polyps. Benign or not. And then they snip 'em. And then you can't consume anything cool for two weeks or so. Lame

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Rude-Kaleidoscope298@reddit

Same here. I also don’t have cancer in my family.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

Glad they found them!

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caryn1477@reddit

My cousin was 36 when she died of colon cancer. We had zero family history. I am 47 and opted for the real thing. It was a breeze.

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thisTexanguy@reddit

Right? I had one 18 years ago and the only bad part was the prep. They have newer preps that aren't nearly as bad, though you'll likely have to pay out of pocket.

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caryn1477@reddit

I just had mine in Jan. The prep is still by far the worst part. Because who wants to force down a gross drink all throughout the night while being attached to the toilet? But whatever. I'm good for ten years.

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thisTexanguy@reddit

I'm doing one that's something like 3/4 the night before and the rest the next morning. Wanted to do Clenpiq, but couldn't afford it right now. It's just 2 6 oz bottles. One the night before, the other the morning of. By the time we have to do this again that should be generic and the new standard.

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thatguygreg@reddit

> people 45-50 with a low risk and no family history of colon cancer. I'm a people 45-50 with a low risk and no family history of colon cancer -- they took 3 pre-cancerous polyps out. So, I get to go back in 7 years instead of 10.

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Zaphod1620@reddit

My dad got a clean bill of health from this test 6 months before he checked himself into the ER and they discovered he had stage IV colon cancer. Don't trust this test.

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StreetFriendship1200@reddit

The only thing is that this does not PREVENT colon cancer though; it just approximates the possibility that you have colon cancer at the present moment.

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socialmediaignorant@reddit

This. The colonoscopy is the gold standard and can be both diagnostic and therapeutic for many types of things, such as polyps and small cancers found. Please don’t die bc you didn’t want to do the prep. Colon cancer is taking way too many of us way too soon.

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HLOFRND@reddit

Yeah, I was afraid that if I did the poop in the box method I would always have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I also needed an upper GI endoscopy anyway, so I went for it. Prep was rough- but just the drinking part. If you, um, prepare the area with PrepH ointment before you get started and use a bidet it’s really not too bad. But drinking all of the Gatorade with Miralax was the hardest part. That was pretty rough. (Still better than cancer!) I know it’s too much to hope for that they’ll have a better system by the time I’m due for another one, but *maybe*…..

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thatguygreg@reddit

> Prep was rough- but just the drinking part. Understatement. I got a lil' nauseous just now thinking about that vile stuff. *Nothing* I mixed it with helped. It just made the mixer vile.

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socialmediaignorant@reddit

I took zofran and phenergan and still hurled a bit. But the 12 hour prep for ten years of mental ease was a good deal!

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HLOFRND@reddit

Yeah, I got an extra lemonade flavored koolaid packet, the kind you’re supposed to add sugar to, and tried adding that for a little more flavor, but it wasn’t the flavor so much as the texture of the Gatorade/Miralax mix.

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carlcarlson33@reddit

Believe it or not the Gatorade miralax system is the better one.

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HLOFRND@reddit

It was just so much, and it’s so… thick. I mean, still nothing in light of, like, *cancer,* bit it was tough getting through it. Glad it’s only once a decade.

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thisTexanguy@reddit

Eh. The thing about the colonoscopy is they can get rid of polyps at the same time, otherwise you have to still go get one. They have a new prep that's only 5.8 oz the night before and day of. The name is Clenpiq.

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FelineHerdsCats@reddit

This. If I had understood how much the shit in a box missed, I wouldn’t have bothered. A colonoscopy is not as bad as they make it out to be, and it finds the things the box test misses. It missed my cancerous polyp and let it grow “really big”

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Prestigious-Leave-60@reddit

Screened every 3 years with the box vs every 10 with the scope.

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Zaphod1620@reddit

Yes, 100%. This was the "test" my dad's doctor had him taking, and he always had a clean bill of health. Until the time he was feeling really ill for a week, checked himself into the ER, and discovered he had stage IV colon cancer. He died a year later after brutal chemo treatments. Do not trust this test.

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starky411@reddit

Plus you don’t get drugs , unless you’re supplying them

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MusaEnsete@reddit

Best nap. Ever.

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1oftheHansBros@reddit

No shitting in a box, but a lot of shitting in the can. ( colonoscopy preparation)

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SleepyKoalaBear4812@reddit

I made that mistake last year. Like over 50% of their tests, mine was positive. After the scope I found out the “abnormal” result was due to it detecting blood from an internal hemorrhoid. The GI doctor said Cologuard is the best thing ever invented. He said everyone’s GI tract contains trace amounts of blood. Everyone is using it to avoid the scope and end up having it due to being terrified their abnormal result is cancer. He said his business is up 50% every year since it came out.

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Kodiak01@reddit

> The GI doctor said Cologuard is the best thing ever invented. He said everyone’s GI tract contains trace amounts of blood. Everyone is using it to avoid the scope and end up having it due to being terrified their abnormal result is cancer. My shit-in-a-bucket came back negative, but have no fear, I made up for it in the anxiety department when my prostate ballooned and I needed a 12 core biopsy (which thankfully came back negative) that left me 3 days later pissing out a blood clot the size and length of my thumb.

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SleepyKoalaBear4812@reddit

That’s terrible! Are you doing ok now? What was your PSA?

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Kodiak01@reddit

Initially it was 28 IIRC. After a month of Flomax, it was down just below 8, but my Free PSA was 7. They did a biopsy but no cancer was found so (for now at least) I just have BPH and will have to take peepee pills for the rest of my life. Need to monitor the PSA/Free PSA levels every 6 months, next check comes up with my physical.

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SleepyKoalaBear4812@reddit

Thank you for sharing. I wish you the best.

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socialmediaignorant@reddit

Cologuard is the worst thing to happen to colon cancer in my opinion, especially as colon cancer deaths are rising faster than we can imagine.

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freetattoo@reddit

I also opted for the porch pickup so I didn't have to go stand in line at the store with my box of shit.

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Kodiak01@reddit

Bah. I brought mine into work and plopped it right on top of that day's outbound UPS shipments!

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freetattoo@reddit

> UPS shipments *shitments

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Sunnydaytripper@reddit

I’ve been there my friend. I actually brought my box into USPS, stood on line handed it to the clerk and was told with a smirk that I needed to bring the box to UPS. Humbling! 😆

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freetattoo@reddit

You literally got told to take your shit to UPS!

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johntwilker@reddit

That was certainly a no eye-contact drop off for me.

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Prestigious-Leave-60@reddit

I look them straight in the eye “wanna take this for me?”

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Sunnydaytripper@reddit

Lmoa

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johntwilker@reddit

diabolical

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BugImmediate7835@reddit

Same here. I wondered if the kid at the UPS store knew what she just took out of my hands.

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freetattoo@reddit

They have an exclusive deal with UPS. They absolutely know. Not that it matters or that I actually care, or that the person taking the box cares. I mainly just chose porch pickup because it was a free option, and I didn't have to make an extra trip somewhere to ship my shit.

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Financial_Coach4760@reddit

They 100% know. The girl that took mine had a trash bag ready for me when I got to the front of the line. She had the look of a sulfite disgust.

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biobasher@reddit

Still better than having to hand over the "recent sample" for testing after getting the snip.

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oscar-the-bud@reddit

Shitting in a dry bucket really made me appreciate the water in a flush toilet.

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Blametheorangejuice@reddit

Uh, exactly how much do you need to provide?

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AlwaysatTechDee@reddit

I went to UPS and dropped my shit off. I didn’t care if people knew. I wanted them to know that aging is not for the weak. And after reading this, next time I’ll drink the vile stuff instead of shipping my poop

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yallknowme19@reddit

*DONT PUT IT OUT WITH YOUR BOOTS, TED!!*

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UpOrDownItsUpToYou@reddit

I went to the UPS right by my house.

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freetattoo@reddit

Power move. Full eye contact to the point it's uncomfortable.

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UpOrDownItsUpToYou@reddit

I like to keep things exit only around the back

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Fritz5678@reddit

I went to the UPS store on the other side of town for my drop off.

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83VWcaddy@reddit

F that. I went to another state to drop off.

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Sunnydaytripper@reddit

SNL https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu12X2cu6Y0&pp=0gcJCdgAo7VqN5tD

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Sunnydaytripper@reddit

I’ve been there my friend. I actually brought my box into USPS, stood on line handed it to the clerk and was told with a smirk that I needed to bring the box to UPS. Humbling! 😆

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redbeard914@reddit

How would you like that job? Oh look! More shit!

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ImNotTheBossOfYou@reddit

We promise not to mess around with it https://youtu.be/v1fY2xtyXsY?si=FB7on_lnBdpFY9tE

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Apart_Birthday5795@reddit

Buddy of mine did the cologaurd thing at home. They sent his first one back saying the sample was too large

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No_Maintenance_9608@reddit

I did it last December. I apologized to a guy behind the counter at the ups store and he said no big deal he gets them all the time. My test came back negative.

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Easy_Ambassador7877@reddit

Oh shit! I didn’t realize I have to go stand in line holding my shit in a box! 😭 I think I’m going to carry it in a grocery bag while in line.

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davasaur@reddit

They used to lock you up for mailing poo. What brave new world we live in.

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Wide-Lemon-5949@reddit

👊

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llcdrewtaylor@reddit

I walked into the ups store holding the box. I handed it to the female behind the counter and just said, Im sorry. I turned and walked away in shame.

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carlcarlson33@reddit

My current situation. https://preview.redd.it/x083b9ly6fze1.jpeg?width=2746&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=eb05afaf58bd07deec825a12495a9935df829cd0 I literally drove my shit across town last week.

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carolinagirl843@reddit

I know that combination 🤮

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LayThatPipe@reddit

Same prep I used, though I mixed the MiraLAX with Tang

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carolinagirl843@reddit

I can’t drink Gatorade without gagging

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NoPanda5634@reddit

I took my shit to the UPS store. Strange feeling standing in line holding a box of your own poop around people. Luckily no one asked me what was in the box, because I would have told them, straight up. 😋

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JustAboutAlright@reddit

Is it weird to have it in your porch and not light it on fire?

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Mylastnerve6@reddit

And if it comes back positive you’ll need a diagnostic colonoscopy that may not be paid by your insurance…sorry

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electropunk42@reddit

OK... like... I get it man. We are all getting old. What.Ever.

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realdonbrown@reddit

I handed the UPS guy my box of shit with a huge smile on my face. 🤷🏼‍♂️ Negative. Good for three years lol

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NewPresWhoDis@reddit

Congrats on getting your shit together

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romulusnr@reddit

Hahaha I did this last year. I don't remember how I shipped it though. Pickup I guess 3 years safe bros

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OPsDaddy@reddit

They're gonna play around with it a little bit, aren't they?

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texaskayaker@reddit

This was so stressful

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evilBogie666@reddit

How and why am I supposed to put a whole stool in this box??? Oh wait. Oh, no!! 😐😐😂

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LayerNo3634@reddit

Hubby and I did our colonoscopies. We both had polyps removed. No family history or underlying conditions. Cologuard only catches cancer after it has started growing. Colonoscopy catches it before it starts.

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hvacigar@reddit

Come over here little talking box.

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LayThatPipe@reddit

I didn’t get the pleasure of shitting in a box. Biological grandfather had colon cancer so it was straight to the ass camera for me.

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Jld114@reddit

I just got home from the doctor. I’ll be doing this soon!!

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doubleohzerooo0@reddit

It's not as easy nor as fun as one would imagine. You gotta float that steamer on a thin tissue. They give this little tiny shovel that you're then instructed to use to create a mini tunnel on your own mini Bandini Mountain. And you're supposed to do this with your pants around your ankles? Trust me, remove your pants before attempting this. I know you were an Operation champ back in the day, but this shit takes a steady hand.... BZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Butterfingers!

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ZweigleHots@reddit

Mine gave me a little bucket that hung inside the toilet from a plastic bridge. Pinched off a loaf in it (aiming is the hard part), scraped a bit for the tube, poured in some preservative, sealed everything up, and sent it off.

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doubleohzerooo0@reddit

What did you do with the poop bucket? Normally I have normal bowel movements, but when it comes time to do the poop-in-a-box bit, I end up passing GINORMOUS turds. We're talking neander-turds. So yeah, I can't do the 'float your turd on a delicate tissue' thing. I sink that battleship. So I've been laying that sheet of tissue over some newspaper on the floor and dropping a deuce on the bathroom floor. I couldn't imagine having to poop in a bucket hanging from a plastic bridge. That just sounds like a recipe for disaster. ![gif](giphy|I66n5KljVjNmg)

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ZweigleHots@reddit

It all got shipped back together.

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carolinagirl843@reddit

My husband has had this box for weeks and hasn’t touched it.

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Single_Morning_3200@reddit

I just shit in a Tupperware and mailed it at a UPS store!! And I passed the poo test! I have been waiting to see a post. Good on you! I was worried about sticking something up my butt, but as luck turns out, it was even more awkward to aim into the ziplock container!

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Express_Area_8359@reddit

![gif](giphy|cDkHKN3UGiuOs)

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beermaker@reddit

I have a colonoscopy on Friday the 13th because I shat in a box. I don't know how I could've shatted differently, but here we are. I hope your shat passes muster.

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C43CE@reddit

Had my first butt camera last week (47, M). They removed one non-cancerous polyp and I get to go back in five years. Used SuTab for the prep and didn’t have any problems. Maybe I got lucky.

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rojo-perro@reddit

Just a PSA for anyone who needs screening in the future… This is the easiest way, but not anywhere near most effective. First, they don’t catch pre-cancerous polyps. So you could still have a cancer growing even with a negative test result. Second, if you get a positive result (whether it’s legitimate or a false positive), you will be ordered to have a DIAGNOSTIC colonoscopy, which is not considered a preventative exam like a SCREENING colonoscopy, so it will cost $$$$ out of pocket. Hundreds of dollars , likely more. If you have any family history of polyps or colon cancer, just get the screening colonoscopy. The prep isn’t that bad, and the anesthesia is great.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

#💯 My doc only recommended this because I was under 50 and don't have a family history. Otherwise, a full colonoscopy would be the way to go. I'll have to have one eventually anyway.

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thisTexanguy@reddit

I had pre-cancerous polyps removed at 38(am 56 now). No history of colon cancer. Saw my gastroenterologist this past Monday, the same doc, and he said I would have had colon cancer by now if I hadn't had diverticulitis at 38 and needed that colonoscopy. Typically by the time you know you have colon cancer it's too late. Get a colonoscopy when you can and don't trust this test. The rates on this test detecting colon cancer or pre-cancerous polyps is less than flipping a coin. The rates on a colonoscopy detecting the same thing are greater than 90%.

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socialmediaignorant@reddit

New recs are for colonoscopy at 45. Younger if there is a family history.

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YoungGenX@reddit

The prep tastes godawful. But it’s one day every 3,5, or 10 years. And it’s a heck of a lot more pleasant than chemo.

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rojo-perro@reddit

The prep in my area used to be that horrible magnesium sulfate garbage. Some people can barely choke it down. Now it’s just a couple capsule softeners and a bottle of Mirlax in a gallon of Gatorade. Sooo much better and tastes like too much Gatorade!

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YoungGenX@reddit

I use Suprep. It’s thick and tastes like salty grapes. It’s gross. But it works. I have used it twice and I’m afraid to use something else. I have hears horror stories of methods not working and procedures being cancelled.

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socialmediaignorant@reddit

This was so nasty but worth it. Cleanest prep I’ve ever had.

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YoungGenX@reddit

It’s disgusting. I usually end up throwing up some of the second dose. I’ve learned to drink slowly, ginger ale between sips and walk around while drinking it. If I get 2/3 of the second dose to stay down I consider it a success.

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yourmomsinmybusiness@reddit

A couple capsules? I had 24!

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Mercury5979@reddit

I did that. It came back with a false positive. I had a good amount of anxiety for 2 weeks until I could get in for a Colonoscopy, only to then find out I had a very clean colon.

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ConcertinaDuck@reddit

I wondered if they'd ever send it back

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Without_Portfolio@reddit

Nah. I went in for the full experience because I figured if something turned up in my shit I’d have to go anyway, and who really wants to mail their own shit?

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I_love_Hobbes@reddit

I did this, came back positive. Scare the bejeezus out of me. Had to have a colonoscopy. Everything was fine. Come back in 7 years.

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apollemis1014@reddit

I heard it has a high rate of both false negatives and positives. I'll keep the colonoscopy. Mine went great, and I don't have to go back for 10 years.

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Square-Wing-6273@reddit

My thoughts exactly. I'm good for 10 years, I had a great nap and then a killer breakfast after

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Towjumper173@reddit

Did mine about a month ago. Came back positive now, in June, the camera in the pooper. Not looking forward to it.

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YoungGenX@reddit

Check with your insurance company. Often if you choose cologuard and it comes back positive, your colonoscopy is now diagnostic and not covered 100% under preventative.

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whirlydad@reddit

In another GenX colonoscopy thread someone mentioned that there are a few states where it's required to be covered at 100%. Hopefully you have that going for you.

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YoungGenX@reddit

I do colonoscopies so mine are covered. It’s just if you do the cologuard and then have to have a colonoscopy, most insurance companies will say the cologuard is the screening and the colonoscopy is now diagnostic.

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caryn1477@reddit

Exactly, I heard this too.

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whirlydad@reddit

Had the same issue. Any blood in your stool will most likely cause a false positive. They really shouldn't offer these to folks with hemorrhoids or chronic constipation. It took forever to get a follow up for a real colonoscopy but once it was done I was commended for my polyp free poop chute and told to come back in 10 years. Hope you have similar results!

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

Fingers crossed that it's all good news. Treat yourself afterward for going through with it.

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Is_this_social_media@reddit

Omg… so when I did this I was so exhausted and going through some health stuff… I ended putting the wrong label on the box and accidentally mailing in back to myself.

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nks0204@reddit

-Used to be that pooping in a box and mailing it to someone was a hilarious. Now it’s acceptable practice, covered by some insurance plans…….

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uid_0@reddit

So how many text reminders did they send you before you sent it in?

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

Just 2.

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spyder7723@reddit

Wait. Are you telling me you can now just poop in a box and don't got to bend over and let them shove a cucumber sized finger up your ass?

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SpecificJunket8083@reddit

Yes. It’s glorious. You have to see the SNL skit about it. [SNL](https://youtu.be/hW60S9BJt4Y?si=z65vrXuUcP6SpOKz)

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SpecificJunket8083@reddit

You have to see the SNL Cologuard skit. It’s hilarious. [SNL](https://youtu.be/hW60S9BJt4Y?si=z65vrXuUcP6SpOKz)

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GeekOldMan@reddit

I did it and they said it was too much. Ugh. I can’t help if I have monster poops!

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yourmomsinmybusiness@reddit

Diagnosis: diet high in corn.

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Ufinknowwho@reddit

My box is still under my sink. But I do get daily texts from them reminding me.

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SubBass49Tees@reddit

Ever since I got the box to shit in, I always sing, "It's a shit in a box" to the tune of that "dick in a box" song when I see the commercials.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

That's why I added the second image.

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SubBass49Tees@reddit

Me, who didn't even scroll the the 2nd pic: ![gif](giphy|NEvPzZ8bd1V4Y|downsized)

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chinookhooker@reddit

Poop-in-a-cup

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Ken_Clean_Air_System@reddit

This Snl skit with Woody Harrelson is highly relevant, I think. https://youtu.be/Mu12X2cu6Y0?si=xDdg76Vph-sdzENz

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Senninha27@reddit

I just came looking for this because it needed to be posted.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

Extremely relevant. Thanks for sharing. I feel better knowing that the box likes it.

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sprocter77@reddit

Cologaurd gives so many false positives, your better off just getting a colonoctomy. If cologaurd comes back positive your insurance will not cover your colon scope.

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Wonderful-Duck-6428@reddit

Yes this is true. Your insurance can deny colonoscopy coverage if you’ve used Cologuard. Please just get the colonoscopy, it isn’t that bad!

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crankysasquatch@reddit

I took mine to the packing/shipping store with the rude owner. No more obnoxious text messages from Exact Sciences for me!

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JayRay_44@reddit

Haha. I did this the other year. I officially have a new “weirdest thing I even mailed.” My own sh!t. 😭

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designocoligist@reddit

Funny thing, for me it was not my first time mailing my own shit. Just the first time the recipient was actually expecting it.

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JayRay_44@reddit

Goddamn, bro… 😭

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New_Guava3601@reddit

Any time you see the box talking on the commercials, imagine how bad its breath is.

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Ziczak@reddit

"and I'm pooing in a box... I'm Pooping in a cardboard box..."

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e42343@reddit

When I got my vasectomy 21 years ago, my doctor's office was in the same building as a bank and I had to walk through the bank lobby to get to it. I giggled every time I did that when dripping off a post-op sample for testing. I was hoping someone would ask if I needed help so I could say I was there to make a deposit while hoisting up my little brown PAPER sack.

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LineImpossible3958@reddit

New shit has come to light

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

![gif](giphy|GXMuvJXWVqGiY)

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LineImpossible3958@reddit

The ColoGuard box really ties the porch together

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

"They shit on your rug, Dude?"

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LineImpossible3958@reddit

The rug is not the issue here, it’s unchecked aggression

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rabbplays@reddit

Unrelated: I fuckin' love your username

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socialmediaignorant@reddit

User name is amazing.

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skspoppa733@reddit

It seems weird to poop in a box and mail it out. Years ago it would have been a really good prank.

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DrumsKing@reddit

"Can't Buy Me Love" (movie)

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socialmediaignorant@reddit

![gif](giphy|2ZdSyNu7WPlse3egfk) Great movie.

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Total_Guard2405@reddit

Dropped mine at the ups store. The gal behind the counter tossed the box in a bin, and I wanted to say , "Hey, be careful, there's shit in that box!" I didn't, but I laugh everytime I think of it.

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kristenevol@reddit

We used to call them “shit cards” back when you had to mail them to your doctor’s office. So glad you can just mail your poop directly to the lab now.

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WorryNo181@reddit

Just got my box in the mail. An updated SNL bit waiting to happen.

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Son0faButch@reddit

I realize it's easier doing it this way, but if the results come back indicating you need a colonoscopy it won't be covered by insurance as a preventable procedure and you'll have to pay the deductible and copay.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

I'm okay with that.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

I'm okay with that.

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Brianshoe@reddit

What's in the box? What's in the booooopoopxxx?

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

![gif](giphy|ZdTFeylWkuGSVP03mn|downsized)

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Jafffy1@reddit

The good of a colonoscopy(besides checking for ass death) is getting Propofol. Wow, give me more of that please. The bad, I have shit the same since taking the laxative the night before. It cleared out everything and I mean everything. Was shitting dust by the end. Still get one, would rather shit dust than have ass cancer.

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Legal-Intention-6361@reddit

From toilet to dropping it off at UPS, I did it all in less than an hour.

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WaitingitOut000@reddit

That’s a huge box. What all’s in there? In Ontario, Canada, ours gets returned in an envelope. Maybe we provide less shit?🤣

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

It's a big container for the doo-doo, a bracket for the toilet, a bottle of solution, a sample tube, a zippered plastic bag, a plastic base, and a bunch of instructions.

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WaitingitOut000@reddit

Oh, interesting, you get a bracket. We just get a flushable piece of paper to catch the poo. The sample then goes in an envelope, and we can either mail back the sample or drop the envelope off at any lab where bloodwork is done. I just crossed mine off my list and am good for another two years. Hooray!

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designocoligist@reddit

I dropped mine off at the UPS store, there was a line and the guy at the counter was like you can leave the cologuard here if you don’t need a receipt, so I went up left it on the counter and said here you go, it’s still warm.

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PappaWoodies@reddit

https://i.redd.it/clkzdknlceze1.gif

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kckitty71@reddit

There’s nothing like the embarrassment of handing my box of shit to a kid working at the UPS store.

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

It's less embarrassing if you lean into it and shout, "Hey, take good care of my poop!" as you're leaving the store.

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bnelson7694@reddit

I did that last year lol! It was negative thank god but one thing my doctor failed to tell me and I found out from a friend who’s doc told her - if it comes back positive it is no longer preventative medicine and you get hit with an 8k bill! I was shocked. “You have cancer and you owe 8k.” This country’s medical system sucks.

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ONROSREPUS@reddit

There is to much ass play in this thread I'm out.

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Joe_Morningstar1@reddit

Had first one at 50. Three pulops found. Had second one two or three years later and pulops were gone! Now I think I'm on the five year plan but I can't recall. I'll get reminded at my annual physical. Plus the colonoscopy doctor's office knows the rotation, so they also call. Years ago I had a 50 plus coworker die from colon cancer. Despite feeling ill he put off going to doctor and then it was too late. He passed away within a year. Despite insurance he never went for (free) annual physical or anything else. He was a great guy. He helped all the newbies and was respected and loved by everyone. He left behind devastated wife, kids, friends and coworkers. That tragedy left a big mark on me. Besides, I think the colonoscopy procedure was a breeze and the fasting was not as bad as people make it out. Sure, it sucks. But I've had much, much, worse health issues and/or procedures.

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tmf_x@reddit

https://preview.redd.it/ies0jtwk1eze1.png?width=305&format=png&auto=webp&s=c3d60541049bba68e5c0bca798332b7e51d0cd55

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PhilDGrowler@reddit

Don't put it out with your boots, Ted!

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mbadolato@reddit

Worst job ever: Mailroom at Cologuard

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rpuas@reddit

Good proactive step! Had my first colonoscopy 3 years ago @ 46 years old, after complaing to my dr about abdominal pain and other symptoms. Found tumor and was stage 0 colon cancer. Surgery to remove it but no additional treatment (chemo or radiation). It's so easy to put off talking to Dr or disregard symptoms, but a day on the can and a scope can save you and your family from the stress and nigthmare of invasive cancer.

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External_Side_7063@reddit

When I did it, I asked my daughter to put the box out on the porch for them to pick up then when I got home, I noticed they didn’t take it. I guess I should’ve told my daughter to wash the remnants of her Hershey bar off her hands before she did so.🤔

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

I almost mixed up some brown paint to dip my fingers in and put all over the outside of the box as a joke, but I was worried that UPS wouldn't pick it up.

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External_Side_7063@reddit

My dyslexic brother shit in the box pour the liquid on top of it through the cup away, sealed it up and mailed it🤣

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Der_fluter_mouse@reddit

Thank you. I will never see this SNL skit the same way again.

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One-Ad6386@reddit

Just got this done as well as I just turned 50! ;)

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DecemberPaladin@reddit

ONE. First you open the box TWO. Then you crap in the box ![gif](giphy|l0MYAe2C6maNc8pA4) I did Cologuard and I hated it. I liked it a lot more than being on Amnesia Medicine, though.

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BobcatOk7492@reddit

Every time I see a UPS truck, I think "theres poop in that truck." What can Brown do for you I guess....

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JayRay_44@reddit

LMAOOOO!!!!

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This_Fkn_Guy_@reddit

Did that a while ago, it was a good one

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Arkhamina@reddit

Good job! I sent my box off, was told to come in, and now I am on a yearly 'butt trimming' schedule. Beats the hell out of the alternative. Had a friend die at 45 from colon cancer.

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MTheadedRaccoon@reddit

*I shit it myyyyyy waaaaayyyy*

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Correct_Roll_3005@reddit

Better than a camera up the ass.

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Hazys@reddit

What’s that

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OreoSpeedwaggon@reddit (OP)

Cologuard -- colon cancer screening tool. Not as good or invasive as a colonoscopy, but much easier. They send out a box of supplies, you poop in their provided container, repack the box and send it in. Not all insurance companies will cover it, but to me it's worth the extra cost, especially if you're not at high risk and don't have a family history of colorectal cancer.

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SomeDudeNamedRik@reddit

![gif](giphy|Ip6U2lm8FeSs4zPht3) It Used to be inappropriate to shit in a box on the street. Now it’s advertised on tv.

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doubleohzerooo0@reddit

![gif](giphy|l0MYAe2C6maNc8pA4) 1, open the box 2, put your shit in that box 3, send in the box And that's the way you do it It's my shit in a box!

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Yuck_Few@reddit

My doctor recently sent me one of these. Just because I'm 50 now and it's getting that time to start checking everything. But I haven't sent it in yet as obviously I feel awkward about sending poop in the mail

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artizin@reddit

Thanks for the reminder, my doctor has been hounding me for my sample for about three weeks now.

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SigmaINTJbio@reddit

It was really weird to me when I mailed mine.

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vodeodeo55@reddit

I live in a VERY small town. Dropping that box off at my local hardware store/UPS ship hub was not what you'd call a magical moment.

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