TheaterFire

This page on Maddox’s old site contains the entire decade of the 1990s in one little screenshot! (As well as a rant about waffles, for some reason.)

Posted by Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 159 comments

This page on Maddox’s old site contains the entire decade of the 1990s in one little screenshot! (As well as a rant about waffles, for some reason.)

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159 Comments

Putrid-Variation1135@reddit

I just googled "Maddox goth 90s" because I'm looking for some text that was written on his page that I remember from way back when. This page popped up right away. Thank you for this!
View on Reddit #57082487

uberdilettante@reddit

I don’t know who this person is, but I’m sure he’s hating life right now too.
View on Reddit #55133133

-Invalid_Selection-@reddit

He was someone who appealed to teens who felt left behind during the late 90s. A lot of cringy rants that would be borderline incel pipeline today.
View on Reddit #55134151

OkPie8905@reddit

They were purposely obtuse, but he was right about the Segway
View on Reddit #55134390

erockdanger@reddit

also crocks
View on Reddit #55445198

ringobob@reddit

The only people who weren't right about the Segway were the rich assholes like Bezos who hyped the whole thing up as some world changing invention before any of the rest of us had any clue what it was. The moment it was actually revealed, by my memory, pretty much everyone was like, that's it?
View on Reddit #55152832

emotyofform2020@reddit

In fact, it was just called “it” before they showed the thing, and “that’s IT?” Was a common response
View on Reddit #55178039

moonbunnychan@reddit

He is so bitter now. Like he's genuinely pissed off that the world has largely moved on from him and he's been semi forgotten.
View on Reddit #55140777

uberdilettante@reddit

Wow, that’s downright sad.
View on Reddit #55150836

PrestigiousAvocado21@reddit

Now THAT’S a name I haven’t heard in a long time…
View on Reddit #55133862

lightningfootjones@reddit

he actually still puts out some pretty funny content when he's not spending literal years working on hitpieces I guess his former business partners
View on Reddit #55282889

chillin1066@reddit

I have his book on my shelf somewhere. Autographed even.
View on Reddit #55152120

PunningWild@reddit

My best friend was a huge Maddox fan in high school. He was so proud of himself because he pre-ordered that book way early and got it the day of release. He carted it around everywhere with him, proud to actually have a tangible bit of portable Maddox on his person at all times. He was also really annoying about it. A few months later I'm at a comic convention. It just so happens, to my surprise, Maddox is there signing copies of his book. It's a short line, he's not really hustling people through, we converse a bit, and I tell him about how my friend is such a huge fan of his writing. I then tell Maddox that I want to do something really special for my friend. I purchase a copy of his book and ask him to not only sign it, but to address it, not to me, but to my friend, who adores his book and carries it around everywhere. "Dear Friend," it reads. "This is not your copy. ♥ Maddox." Of course, I'm not that big of an asshole. Yeah yeah, it's funny and all to rub it in my friend's face like that, but come on, when's the next time this is gonna happen. Naturally I buy a second book to also present to my friend, and for real this time, I request Maddox address it to my friend properly. "Dear Friend," the second address reads. "This is *also* not your copy. ♥ Maddox." And inside I taped a photo of Maddox and I flipping off the camera.
View on Reddit #55200323

dirtydragondan@reddit

the manliness one ? was he raslin a lion on it or something?
View on Reddit #55156159

chillin1066@reddit

Yeah. That’s the one I think. It had a red cover although I think he came out with an updated one that had a blue cover.
View on Reddit #55180596

Boomgoesmybrain@reddit

Right? I long for the early internet days 🥹
View on Reddit #55148780

uberphaser@reddit

somethingawful u/lowtax
View on Reddit #55149187

HidingUnderBlankets@reddit

I miss that site. So many long summer nights, listening to music and scrolling somethingawful
View on Reddit #55176864

uberphaser@reddit

Some of the most uncontrollable laughter I ever laughed came from that site. The guys who did "Fashion S.W.A.T." were the best.
View on Reddit #55177612

Boomgoesmybrain@reddit

Some of the Photoshop Phridays would make me pee my pants I'd laugh so hard.
View on Reddit #55189577

uberphaser@reddit

Same! There was a series that one of the writers did about Wink martindale that did the same for me. https://www.somethingawful.com/news/wink-martindale/
View on Reddit #55189821

Complete_Entry@reddit

Lowtax is dead, and he sold the site for pennies on the dollar.
View on Reddit #55151793

uberphaser@reddit

Is he really?? Thats sad
View on Reddit #55151837

Boomgoesmybrain@reddit

Wow, I had no clue either. Sad.
View on Reddit #55189743

Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit

They hate whales. Clearly dude failed to collect the whole set.
View on Reddit #55151203

Uuuuuii@reddit

Celine Dion is an icon who bravely works through incredible adversity.
View on Reddit #55224243

histprofdave@reddit

My dumbass edgelord teenaged self loved this page. It's why I try to give some grace to young folks nowadays. It's the destiny of all generations to look back on their own stuff as cringe.
View on Reddit #55133741

FluffySpell@reddit

I just looked up his page and it's still up, with most recent posts being in 2023. Reading his unhinged rants with an adult brain instead of whatever oatmeal is in our heads as teenagers is...well it's something 😂.
View on Reddit #55134576

Complete_Entry@reddit

He pivoted to video. That was a bad decision.
View on Reddit #55151820

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

And podcasts. Devoted to debates. Which he would nearly always lose.
View on Reddit #55221612

pi_guy@reddit

His reviews of kids artwork was hilarious among my group of friends when it came out...but yeah. His stuff doesn't age well.
View on Reddit #55135689

Livid_Parsnip6190@reddit

I loved it up until I matured to the point that I didn't want to read stuff about blatantly hating women.
View on Reddit #55137623

Oh_Glorious_Cruster@reddit

Neat.
View on Reddit #55221117

tapeworm4602@reddit

Nerd
View on Reddit #55153991

notaverywittyname@reddit

Lol I bought the book. 43 with 2 young kids now and I still have it. Most of his stuff didn't age well, the critique of kids coloring will always make me laugh.
View on Reddit #55138762

I_miss_your_mommy@reddit

I went to a signing and have his autograph. He signed it: “I rule! -Maddox”
View on Reddit #55139076

Woyaboy@reddit

It’s shit like this that made me love the guy. He was so ridiculous. Once you understand the dude is actually nothing like this and it’s basically a character he embodies you kinda start to enjoy it again. I got my book The Alphabet of Manliness signed by him. He wrote “manly handshake, great taste in literature - Maddox
View on Reddit #55166549

ChicagoShadow@reddit

I loved his review of Dawn of the Dead.
View on Reddit #55166070

Muffin-sangria-@reddit

Ding ding! Here comes the shit mobile. I sadly still say this from time to time.
View on Reddit #55139631

Sc0j@reddit

This exact quote
View on Reddit #55154349

TommyWilson43@reddit

Vroom vroom, here comes the shitmobile!
View on Reddit #55139847

moonbunnychan@reddit

I at the time used to think he wasn't serious, and this was all basically a parody and a character. But then turned out...nope. This guy was in fact just a massive asshole and believed what he wrote.
View on Reddit #55140620

CitizenCue@reddit

Yeah that was always my take too. Bummer to hear it wasn’t the case.
View on Reddit #55163526

Sc0j@reddit

Dude this had to be comedy / satire, I cannot believe a real person felt this way even today.
View on Reddit #55154479

Da12khawk@reddit

In this day and age, sheer stupidity doesn't surprise me any more.
View on Reddit #55161862

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

My guess is that he’s convinced himself that it’s only a persona as a defense mechanism.
View on Reddit #55156530

kryonik@reddit

Maddox and tucker max. Glad I escaped that mgtow pipeline.
View on Reddit #55137940

ringobob@reddit

Yeah - I missed Maddox, apparently, but there was a hot minute during college where I was all into Tucker Max. Had I had any real interest in emulating him, I could see that leading down a dark path.
View on Reddit #55152659

NicWester@reddit

Thankfully I only got into Tucker Max for the writing style. Then I discovered Hunter S Thompson doing it better and never looked back.
View on Reddit #55154344

CitizenCue@reddit

Yeah I don’t recall any of my friends actually emulating him. We thought he was funny, not a great person. I thought that was the point. Today the guys doing similar stuff don’t do it with humor, they mean everything earnestly. Maybe I’m reading things wrong but I don’t see them the same.
View on Reddit #55163507

biznology@reddit

He had a podcast that was epic 10 or more years ago but the bitching and fighting ended it. Was still pretty entertaining.
View on Reddit #55150696

Complete_Entry@reddit

George was never epic. Funny? yeah. His book sucked.
View on Reddit #55151865

orkash@reddit

This and Tucker Max was the beginning of college for me. There were some nights where Tuckers death mix made legendary things happen.
View on Reddit #55139192

CongressmanCoolRick@reddit

Just thinking about Tucker death mix is making me nauseous 20 years later…
View on Reddit #55147899

orkash@reddit

Yep. There are nights at the bar where we had camel backs full of it, and now I wanna vomit.
View on Reddit #55151700

Smorgas_of_borg@reddit

Turns out he's ultra-sensitive and even filed a [hilariously bad lawsuit](http://www.lolsuit.com) because people made fun of him.
View on Reddit #55135125

BlacksmithThink9494@reddit

Sounds about right considering how miserable he sounds.
View on Reddit #55154606

Smorgas_of_borg@reddit

I think one of the things that threw me for a loop is that his online persona really is his actual personality. It's not just being an edgelord and holding comically horrible views for entertainment purposes. He 100% meant everything he wrote.
View on Reddit #55170420

BlacksmithThink9494@reddit

Oh I can tell. He probably speaks just like he writes.
View on Reddit #55203164

anarchetype@reddit

I don't know anything about this situation, but I just skimmed the court documents and it seems disingenuous to me to say he's just ultra-sensitive when he's alleging financial damages due to stuff like a sponsor dropping him, with a quote from the sponsor stating outright that they were dropping Maddox due to accusations apparently raised by the defendants. And I barely even remember Maddox and I have no idea what the supposed campaign of harassment was or if it's true that these dudes directed fans to fuck with the guy en masse, but your link makes it look like there is indeed some kind of public harassment. Again, I don't know anything about this beyond what I just read, so maybe I have it totally wrong. I will say, however, that the lawsuit is indeed hilariously bad. I mean, I'm not a lawyer, but including emotional language like "nauseatingly" in a lawsuit is crazy. But I guess if your lawyers specialize in dog bites in Michigan, maybe that's to be expected.
View on Reddit #55152731

lupulineffect@reddit

https://preview.redd.it/0sca7wzz13ye1.png?width=932&format=png&auto=webp&s=a20594a13a9688ed441e1a231371bc6d5ed5a5c7
View on Reddit #55149850

brosephstalinslaps@reddit

Gotta nuke something.
View on Reddit #55185727

captain_trainwreck@reddit

It was a fun site back in the day. Also, I might be the only person to have a copy of The Alphabet of Manliness signed by both Maddox and Chuck Norris
View on Reddit #55136773

Complete_Entry@reddit

I'm surprised Chuck would sign it.
View on Reddit #55151977

captain_trainwreck@reddit

He actually thought it was funny
View on Reddit #55182482

deefunkt01@reddit

Honestly? I kinda want some waffles now.
View on Reddit #55179771

Joggingmusic@reddit

Yess review of shitty kids paintings
View on Reddit #55174309

kamdan2011@reddit

Think this was the first place I read about Star Wars prequel complaints that eventually accumulated into the Plinkett reviews. It’s also where I saw a Christopher Reeve being thrown off a horse in a Mortal Kombat setting with FATALITY written at the top. I remember eventually seeing Maddox on Penn and Teller Bullshit and they made fun of him instead of endorsing him. I think that’s when he decided to disappear.
View on Reddit #55173826

Coyote_Roadrunna@reddit

I'd actually love to have that radio format back, as I'm sure many here would too.
View on Reddit #55170553

brieflifetime@reddit

So angry about such ridiculous stuff. Spot on about Ellen though.. lol
View on Reddit #55169686

Skore_Smogon@reddit

After checking the latest Maddox post, you pivot to Homestar Runner hoping there's a new Strongbad out.
View on Reddit #55169597

Enxer@reddit

His critique of school artwork was great. My most memorable line was "hairy firetruck". Hairy because the kid drew lines to show it speeding.
View on Reddit #55168956

NegativeElderberry6@reddit

Totally forgot about Maddox. Thank you
View on Reddit #55167488

Suitable-Peanut@reddit

Sometimes you forget that people who are chronically online have always sucked.
View on Reddit #55134089

GuybrushBeeblebrox@reddit

It was a satire site. One of the first
View on Reddit #55166628

nanobot001@reddit

No question That is a deep and ancient truth as old as the eldritch squeals of dial up — edgelords have always existed, it’s just what they have been edgy about that has changed.
View on Reddit #55151236

psilosophist@reddit

I’m glad my cringe was more on the “way too into Adbusters, Buy Nothing Day and being smarmy about consumerism” wavelength than whatever this is.
View on Reddit #55144875

_beeeees@reddit

Same. I miss *The Consumerist* too.
View on Reddit #55166107

Positively_Eric@reddit

Who???
View on Reddit #55164609

SplakyD@reddit

"The world has enough of this rank drivel." LOL
View on Reddit #55164207

SplakyD@reddit

This reminds me how angry I was as a young man. Don't get me wrong, I'm still angry about some things (we all should be), but I used to just be angry about the dumbest shit.
View on Reddit #55164163

pentagon@reddit

Maddox was an egdelord before they had a name. Dollars to donuts jes a redcap.
View on Reddit #55158661

DeschainSWNC@reddit

I herad this all in the voice of Sage from Radio X, in GTA San Andreas.
View on Reddit #55156667

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

It’ll be more fun in the voice of that actor guy from Vice City. You know, “Love! And friendship! And the *manatee*! And the *lasers*.”
View on Reddit #55157654

MistressErinPaid@reddit

I never thought I'd say this and mean it but someone should tell this person they're having fun wrong.
View on Reddit #55157496

sambashare@reddit

Didn't he write a book called the Alphabet of Masculinity or something?
View on Reddit #55136248

Livid_Parsnip6190@reddit

Yes, I worked at the library and we actually carried it
View on Reddit #55138540

sambashare@reddit

I wonder if it would be worth anything now... You know, like the original Star Wars figures. Or, maybe it'll be just another oddity from the past like pogs and Beanie babies
View on Reddit #55147358

Livid_Parsnip6190@reddit

I just looked it up on Abebooks and eBay. It's not worth anything.
View on Reddit #55156909

Complete_Entry@reddit

The book supported sexual assault. That's not manly at all.
View on Reddit #55151954

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

Manliness, yes. It was mediocre at best.
View on Reddit #55137557

citrusandrosemary@reddit

Me, digging thru the comments right now cuz, yeah ![gif](giphy|1fjeYRYrxEdBQVHbjt|downsized)
View on Reddit #55156050

voltagejim@reddit

Maddox...as is maddox.xmission.com?
View on Reddit #55153532

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

Yes. This is from the original 1998 page of it.
View on Reddit #55155542

Due_Reality5903@reddit

Reminds me of The Cult of the Dead Cow.
View on Reddit #55155461

GutsAndBlackStufff@reddit

He’s wrong about waffles
View on Reddit #55136304

BlacksmithThink9494@reddit

He's wrong about everything
View on Reddit #55154643

BlacksmithThink9494@reddit

This person is clearly miserable and has no joy in life.
View on Reddit #55154559

Gian_Luck_Pickerd@reddit

Who?
View on Reddit #55132873

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

Some rocks are worth living under.
View on Reddit #55132969

OldManClutch@reddit

Great non answer
View on Reddit #55133091

TurtleSandwich0@reddit

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maddox_(writer)
View on Reddit #55137851

TheFabulousMolar@reddit

Thankyou
View on Reddit #55154523

Moxie_Stardust@reddit

Before we had YouTubers who angrily yelled about things to a hyperbolic extent for comedic effect, Maddox did it in text form on his website. It's that kind of Sam Kinison/Andrew Dice Clay schtick, edgy for the sake of being edgy.
View on Reddit #55134407

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

And then he got a Youtube channel…
View on Reddit #55149133

OldManClutch@reddit

Maddox who? And This isn't edgy, it's just bad take after bad take apart from the Ellen thing
View on Reddit #55134610

Pitiful-Pension-6535@reddit

Nobody knew Ellen sucked back then. He's 100% attacking her because homophobia Just a blind squirrel finding a nut
View on Reddit #55135133

OldManClutch@reddit

I love the fact that no one has still answered the fundamental question of who the fuck this person is supposed to be.
View on Reddit #55135354

Moxie_Stardust@reddit

Maddox [https://maddox.xmission.com/](https://maddox.xmission.com/)
View on Reddit #55139683

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

An internet comedian with a deep rabbit hole regarding his behavior. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nP1gkCTvR4Y&pp=ygUMZXogcHogbWFkZG94
View on Reddit #55135564

OldManClutch@reddit

Jesus, I just need an actual name not the fucking life story. Glad I missed whatever the fuck this was supposed to be back in the day. My life is likely far healthier for it
View on Reddit #55135743

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

I said his name in the title!
View on Reddit #55138952

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

Trust me: we knew.
View on Reddit #55135505

Gian_Luck_Pickerd@reddit

I know who Sam Kinison (RIP) and Andrew Dice Clay are
View on Reddit #55135626

OldManClutch@reddit

My thoughts exactly
View on Reddit #55132908

Background-Action-19@reddit

Maddox went through some crazy stuff in recent years, which he talks about in a fairly recent YouTube video. The gist of it is that he isn't as active as he would have been otherwise.
View on Reddit #55153929

Pitiful-Pension-6535@reddit

I remember when I thought disliking things made me interesting. (Despite how hard i try to forget)
View on Reddit #55134944

Complete_Entry@reddit

Well I mean the Offspring told us being positive's so unhip.
View on Reddit #55151901

Looks-Under-Rocks@reddit

Some people never stop defining themselves by what they hate
View on Reddit #55137239

Complete_Entry@reddit

I like waffles because they are less absorbent than pancakes. Maddox was one of the unhealthiest people I had ever seen. Like his little Che image is NOT what he looks like. He makes a corpse look tan.
View on Reddit #55151775

Ok_Researcher_9796@reddit

No idea who this is but they sound absolutely awful
View on Reddit #55151188

WitchWithTheMostCake@reddit

![gif](giphy|VMgcrwq9imGHu)
View on Reddit #55149211

zombietrooper@reddit

Maddox, Ask a Ninja… Goodtimes!
View on Reddit #55134750

BatmansUnderoos@reddit

I loved Ask A Ninja!
View on Reddit #55137894

iammatt00@reddit

Ask a Ninja just reappeared out of the ether and is back on YouTube recently.
View on Reddit #55141369

BatmansUnderoos@reddit

Awesome, thanks! Gonna go check him out right now!
View on Reddit #55148294

zombietrooper@reddit

I JUST saw that. Holy shit, it’s like he never left!
View on Reddit #55142052

SoupIsNotAMeal@reddit

With all of your heart (and your pee-pee).
View on Reddit #55140959

keepcalmscrollon@reddit

I still remember one of his posts where he declared touch screen phones the dumbest shit ever. Nobody would want one. You'd be touching your screen getting fingerprints and smudges all over the screen you're supposed to watch stuff on?! Looking back I wonder if he was joking but something tells me he was serious. I guess I don't remember what the general perception was but they caught on pretty quickly, didn't they?
View on Reddit #55145454

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

He did a video bashing flexible drinking straws so it only figures.
View on Reddit #55147180

keepcalmscrollon@reddit

I had no idea he did videos.
View on Reddit #55147480

sabby55@reddit

Oh my god Maddox. I haven’t thought of this site in sooo long. The fucking kids artwork he used to critique 😂😂😂
View on Reddit #55146778

beekaybeegirl@reddit

Maddox wasn’t wrong about Ellen though.
View on Reddit #55146717

Chumbo_Malone@reddit

I still like ska……. But also I was a band nerd in high school
View on Reddit #55146543

Zexus_Kai@reddit

Even the colors are 90s...
View on Reddit #55143928

gh0st-Account5858@reddit

Reads like George Carlin, but lame.
View on Reddit #55143413

Unit_79@reddit

Thought it was funny when I thought it was a joke. Pretty sure he actually took himself seriously and honestly that’s just fucking exhausting. Ugh I’d hate to be him.
View on Reddit #55141432

a_phantom_limb@reddit

What an insufferable excuse for a person.
View on Reddit #55140795

edie_the_egg_lady@reddit

I wonder what music he did listen to
View on Reddit #55139571

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

He talked about Pantera a fair amount.
View on Reddit #55140256

edie_the_egg_lady@reddit

That sounds about right
View on Reddit #55140642

FulcrumYYC@reddit

Glad I missed out on all this negativity
View on Reddit #55140087

Edgarmustavas@reddit

Oh, George. Showed his ass in the Dick Masterson lawsuits, but Dax is a asshat, too.
View on Reddit #55134600

Smorgas_of_borg@reddit

Yeah. Maddox and Dick both got famous off edgelord 90s humor that would not fly today. Dick leaned into the right wing grift and Maddox would really, really love it if we forgot all the homophobic shit he said on his website 20 years ago.
View on Reddit #55135802

Edgarmustavas@reddit

100% on all that.
View on Reddit #55140062

AssclownJericho@reddit

dude is now a punked out weiner
View on Reddit #55140042

Abattoir_Noir@reddit

Surge!
View on Reddit #55139809

LineImpossible3958@reddit

I’m glad I’m not familiar with this
View on Reddit #55139358

saltybruise@reddit

He's definitely wrong about waffles.
View on Reddit #55134456

orkash@reddit

Harold and Kumars wafflebot need to go syrup this fool.
View on Reddit #55139074

Illustrious-Lead-960@reddit (OP)

Yes. (Notice that’s the one part with a hotlink.)
View on Reddit #55135453

PickleFlavordPopcorn@reddit

I will fight for Celine Dion and waffles. Also whales
View on Reddit #55135323

saltybruise@reddit

I like whales. I like waffles better than pancakes. But you can have Celine Dion. She's just not really my jam.
View on Reddit #55135394

Postmodern_Rogue@reddit

God I miss the old internet.
View on Reddit #55138233

Roscoe_P_Trolltrain@reddit

The right amount of syrup is however much you can puddle up in those very holes that he hates so much as well as however much can be slathered on every other exposed surface area. Also unexposed. 
View on Reddit #55137003

IceSmiley@reddit

Didn't him going off on Christopher Reeve kill his popularity?
View on Reddit #55134881

Fair_Blood3176@reddit

Lol the thoughts on Ellen. I love it.
View on Reddit #55132838

Traditional_Cat_60@reddit

Nailed it
View on Reddit #55133669

OkPie8905@reddit

For every animal you don’t eat, I’m going to eat 3
View on Reddit #55133404