Would people honestly have an issue me using the disabled toilet at work, and should I care?

Posted by Distinct-Injury6301@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 221 comments

A couple of days or so a week, I go into the office. I am diagnosed Autistic (diagnosed as an adult), so there's various things I do in order to work as well as I do at home (noise cancelling headphones, etc). The one thing I absolutely cannot get on with is the toilets. I have never been able to deal with public toilets well - remember when the guys encountered the toilet guy from the IT Crowd and couldn't piss? That's me, every time. I used to hold it in all day at school 25 years back as I found it so difficult. Adding to that, the smell, absolutely fucking disgusting state it's left in by some people (if you can't aim your dick, fucking sit on the seat rather than pissing everywhere!). Honestly, traumatising. So I use the sole disabled toilet in the building. Airy, personal heater, no mess, no disruption, just toilet bliss I have had some odd looks, as it's clear I make a beeline just for there. Does it matter?

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Le_Fancy_Me@reddit

I mean this may depend on your location but there are usually 2 different types of accommodations for those differntly abled. 1. Is like a disabled parking spot. These spots are ONLY for those who need them those are the rules. And you are legally required to apply in order for them to verify you meet the criteria. 2. Is like priority seats on public transport. Priority seats are completely fine for you to occupy until someone needs it. So unlike with a parking spot you can absolutely sit down as long as you keep an eye open and get up when someone with priority gets on. Though rules regarding this may differ country to country. I my country business and public spaces need to supply accessible bathrooms to those who require them. But these toilets do NOT have to be exclusive to people who need them. For example if you had a small Cafe and only had space/need for one stall than having it be a wheelchair accessible bathroom is something they want to encourage. Theres no point making it harder to accommodate by now enforcing they need a separate bathroom that is specifically built to NOT be one. Business owners would obviously also not have any business or authority asking their customers this. So enforcing those types of rules couldn't be enforced anyway. They will often even have baby changing rooms incorporated as there is more space and the low toilets are convenient for children. So what is the attitude/rules in your country concerning these? Is there a lot of people who work with you who'd struggle to use the other restrooms? Do you find using it hinders other people from using it frquently? Are their any company rules surrounding it? Accessible to doesn't mean exclusive to, these things can depend on the specific thing (seat, parking spot, restroom) and have different rules in different t country. If there is a lot of demand for a physically accessible toilet maybe your work could put some seats outside or in the close vicinity so people who struggle to stand/walk can sit as they wait. In that case even if the restroom is occupied they can sit down as they wait for it to free up.

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No-Echo-8927@reddit

I use the mens, the women's (it's only one toilet in the room so it's one in and one out) and the disabled toilets at work. If I need to go I need to go.

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Ill_Refrigerator_593@reddit

It depends on other users. For a time I was a carer for someone who was wheelchair bound with bladder. There were a few occasions where they really needed to go but the disabled toilets were occupied by people, who at least appeared, to have no visible disabilities.

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Willsagain2@reddit

Wheelchair BOUND(‽) that's an odd term to use, especially as you were a carer to a wheelchair user.

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Ill_Refrigerator_593@reddit

Wow you cracked the case Sherlock. I obviously made it up because no non-disabled people ever use the diabled toilets.

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Willsagain2@reddit

We're at crossed purposes, I think. I was taking issue with your using the term wheelchair bound. I made no mention of the truthfulness of your experience as a carer, nor the matter of non-disabled folk using the accessible toilets causing distressing delays.

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Ill_Refrigerator_593@reddit

Apologies, I responded too harshly. You're right, it is an outdated term.

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Willsagain2@reddit

Thanks, We're all learning.

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Skinnybet@reddit

Crohns It’s not visible but I use the disabled one if the normal one is occupied. When I need to go I can’t wait. Not all disability’s are visible.

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Ill_Refrigerator_593@reddit

Yup, i'm aware you often can't tell. But I also know people who use the disabled toilets just as a matter of preference too.

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cuppachuppa@reddit

You might be disabled one day and have no choice but to use the disabled toilet. How will you feel when you see able-bodied people using the disabled toilet? If you don't think you'll have a problem waiting for the person using it just because "it's airy, warmer and smells nice" then you go for it.

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Kittlebeanfluff@reddit

Autism is a recognised disability so they have every right to use that toilet.

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cuppachuppa@reddit

The OP has the choice. "I have never been able to deal with public toilets well" says to me that they are able to use the main toilets but choose to use the disabled toilet. A wheelchair user, for example, is literally unable to use the main toilets and has no choice but to use the disabled loo.

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Kittlebeanfluff@reddit

It doesn't matter. Autism is a recognised disability and they have just as much right to use that toilet as a wheelchair user. It's not for anyone else to decide if someones disability is worthy enough.

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HDK1989@reddit

>You might be disabled one day OP is disabled, like... Today?

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NaveedQ@reddit

Does not matter. Nobody's business and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Some disabilities are invisible.

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I_am_Reddit_Tom@reddit

Yes, totally agree, but they are still registered disabilities aren't they?

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NaveedQ@reddit

Not everyone gets a formal diagnosis. Some people never actually realise they have a disability if it's a mental related one and just assume that's the way it is as they don't know any different.

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mysteriousmistress66@reddit

Honestly. I have a 6, nearly 7, year old son and until I started looking into autism for him, I never would've guessed I had it myself. Neither of us are formally diagnosed (he's been referred through school, me through the GP, but it's up to a 5 year wait). I'm also a woman so autism is even more likely to be missed or misdiagnosed as a different condition, which is why it was never noticed in me (but looking back at my school years, I can see allllll of the traits, lol).

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Beobacher@reddit

It does matter. A lot! Toilets for disabled people are for a reason reserved for disabled people. Many disabled people cannot wait in line until the toilets eventually is available. Many have problems with their gastric system. Why not improve the quality of the regular toilets?

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Firm_Doughnut_1@reddit

Just to chime in here. It sounds like OP does indeed need the accessible toilet so should use it. OPs issue qualifies as a valid reason. I also have an invisible disability and do very much need to use them. If you feel you need to use them, by all means go ahead. Don't worry about the looks.

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newbracelet@reddit

I'm disabled and I need the disabled toilet when I'm using my wheelchair and the 'rule' is if you can't use the regular toilet you get to use the accessible one. It's got everyone regardless of what reason you have for needing the accommodation.

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desirewrites@reddit

Also, the people who are giving those looks, ask them if they wash their hands after using the loo, or if they washed their hands before they ate something with the same fingers that touched their bits, and the piss riddled door handle, and didn’t wash or sanitise. I’m not fear mongering for germs - people are just gross man.

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omniwrench-@reddit

Wish I had your attitude back when I was accosted for this! Story time… I used to work for a big law firm in their head office, big place with lots of people coming in and out - used to use the disabled loo for a lot of the reasons OP outlined (autistic, unhygienic colleagues) One time I had to use the public/disabled loo across the lobby because the gents were closed for maintenance, and whilst in there someone rapped loudly on the door - when I got out I apologised, naturally, but they said something that stopped me in my tracks #”You shouldn’t really be in there should you.” Now I was in a suit with a lanyard, obviously worked there, and I could see a disgruntled lady waiting with a chap in a wheelchair - I mumbled an apology but I _so_ wish I had the confidence and demeanour to have said something like what you’ve said here. If you gave a genuine reason to need that extra space, it’s absolutely nobody else’s business why you’re in the disabled loo. You shouldn’t feel like you have to explain yourself.

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NaveedQ@reddit

Sometimes I wish I would follow my own advice, often it's the case of realising I should have said this or that at the time. Thank you for sharing your story.

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wholesomechunk@reddit

If caught just say you’re disabled, leg disabled.

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

Believe it or not, I actually pulled that cord and had the receptionist knocking at the door once Yes I wish I had replied with the infamous quotes

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wholesomechunk@reddit

It could have led to some fun shenanigans!

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

Maybe the next time I go to see a gay musical

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Original-Material301@reddit

Are there any famous people in it?

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

maybe Laura knightly, from brookside..she's gorgeous ....and married Richard ayoyade, by the way

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Original-Material301@reddit

Yeah i found that out recently after googling Laura Knightly from the Bill. Absolute legend.

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Bgtobgfu@reddit

From acid

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Exact-Put-6961@reddit

A "disabled" loo, is by definition, a loo with facilities to help the disabled. It is not a loo just for the disabled, unless kept locked. Anyone can use an unlocked "disabled" loo.

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LordSwright@reddit

Disabled toilets arent just for disabled people. They are toilets that are also accessible to disabled people.

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Captain_Kruch@reddit

I'm autistic (36m) and can't physically "go" if I know there's someone on the other side of the door (even if I'm about to explode). Ergo, I use the disabled toilets because they're usually much quieter and less stressful. People complain that I'm taking up a space for 'genuinely' disabled people. Buy to them I say I technically am disabled. And if an individual who say is in a wheelchair needed to use said facility when I was in it, I would quickly finish what I'm doing and let them have it. I'm not a bathroom hog.

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lindsaychild@reddit

We don't call them disabled toilets anymore, they are called accessible toilets, there for people with a variety of needs, not just physical disabilities. I say your needs fit the bill for using that toilet. And no, you shouldn't care if people judge you, they don't know you. They should know that not all disabilities and needs are visible.

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OpeningIntelligent56@reddit

Came here to say this. Also, in most cases a toilet being accessible shouldn't also exclude it from general use. Although if everyone was using it, it may not be so pleasant for you to use!

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dibblah@reddit

In general, if you don't have to use the accessible loo, you should use the regular loos. A healthy person can wait a couple of minutes to use the toilet, a disabled person might not have that luxury. If the only people who use the accessible toilets are those that absolutely need it, that means they'll be occupied less and so less chance of having an accident.

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patogatopato@reddit

I have a digestive disorder and while I am very rarely in the position of actually almost having an accident, occasionally I will be fairly desperate for a fairly sizeable poo. It is not an activity that takes long once I start, so I'm not going to hold up a line for long. Do you think it is reasonable for me to use an accessible loo, a little bit for speed but also for dignity?

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EmmaInFrance@reddit

I ended up with Rapid Gastric Emptying Syndrome as a rare side effect of having my gallbladder removed about 10 years ago. It's calmed down a lot now and its very, very rare that it gets triggered but for the first few years I had to be very careful what I ate and sometimes it didn't matter at all, and I would end up with explosive diarrhoea that gave me very little notice that it was on its way. I would get the first cramps and I would have just a couple of minutes to dash desperately to a loo. I had absolutely no hesitation in using the accessible loos, if necessary. There were even times when I ended up running into the mens loos when the womens loos were closed for cleaning. It kept me from leaving the house as much for a long time, especially from going anywhere new, where I couldn't be sure of finding a clean public loo. As I said, even avoiding my known food triggers was also not a guarantee of not having a problem, it reduced the risk, it didn't remove it completely. It also made eating out very difficult, as most of the places we went to with my family served foods that were triggers - as they were part of the usual regional cusine where we live, not because my family were deliberately being awful! The other important factor for you using the accessible loos in such a situation is that they give you more room for clean-up afterwards! They often have a basin inside, which means that you can dampen the loo roll before wiping, if necessary - a really useful trick when you have the hot liquid yellow burny diarrhoea. It's soothing and cooling when your exit area is already feeling extremely tender and sore. There's also enough room to execute a quick emergency change of underpants and bag up the old pair.

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Charming-Spinach1418@reddit

That’s interesting as k also have this problem since having my gallbladder removed I just call it IBS maybe it’s not IBS at all 🤷‍♀️. X

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DeflatedDirigible@reddit

If there is another stall open you should be using a regular stall. Many who use wheelchairs also have digestive issues and when there is only one stall and it is occupied for 10 minutes, it can cause problems.

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patogatopato@reddit

I probably would only be 4 min tbh it's not a slow event! But yes I do agree. It's not such an issue now but I used to feel very embarrassed about it, especially in university, as being the gal who dropped a huge turd between lectures was incomprehensibly embarrassing!

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NatchezAndes@reddit

Embarrassment isn't a disability. Lots of people dislike public toilets to varying degrees. The person with Crohns/Colitis soiling themselves while standing waiting for you to indulge yourself would happily educate you on actual embarrassment. You're clearly trolling, but replying to make the point to others.

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boofing_evangelist@reddit

I have reactive hypoglycemia, which often is accompanied by severe dumping syndrome. I will use those toilets. It is a comfort that they have a alarm in case I feel myself about to have a seizure. Generally I just have to use whatever toilet is closest 😂

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OpeningIntelligent56@reddit

A digestive disorder is absolutely the kind of thing accessible toilets are designed for.

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dibblah@reddit

Really it's up to you and being honest with yourself. If you need it, and there's no alternative that wouldn't lead to you having an accident, then use it. If you can wait a few minutes and don't specifically need any of the accessible facilities, then wait. Only you know whether you need it or not.

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Down-Right-Mystical@reddit

Exactly this. Also, people like myself. I'm on crutches (permanently, not through like a broken leg or whatever) and while I *can* use ordinary public toilets it's *hard*. Cubicles are so narrow they're difficult to manoeuvre in and out of. I struggle (and it's painful) to sit down and stand up without something to hold on to. Not to mention I then have to touch the lock that everyone else has touched with their dirty hands and then use my crutches before I get to wash my hands, so wet wipes for cleaning the crutch handles too are pretty much a must. None of those issues with a disabled toilet.

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dreadwitch@reddit

They're not excluded, although they should be imo. Shitting yourself because someone preferred to use a bigger loo isn't a pleasant experience.

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OpeningIntelligent56@reddit

In places where there is likely to be a high demand from people who are unable to access regular toilets to be able to use the accessible toilets, yes I agree. And in fact they are often only accessible by using a radar key or similar, which you have to apply for. But in other situations, for example a workplace where there are a small amount of toilets and very few people who are unable to access regular toilets, then surely it's sensible to make use of all facilities available. Maybe don't go and sit in the accessible toilet for ages looking tiktok or doing your make up. Be considerate, of course. But that is true of all shared spaces.

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cyberllama@reddit

I don't care about people using them if they need to. I do have a problem with people using them for comfort and then spending ages in there on their phone or using them because they're too drunk to bother with stairs and then falling asleep. Things like this happen more than you'd think, you don't notice it unless you're one of the people that can't use any of the other toilets and get stuck waiting.

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SweetMaam@reddit

Doesn't matter what toilet you use. It is not a parking space, with a required sticker.

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Littlelindsey@reddit

Nope you have a clear need to use the accessible toilet. If someone does have an issue that’s a them problem not a you problem.

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ItsDominare@reddit

Nobody cares mate, enjoy your private shitting in peace.

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JamJarre@reddit

It's fine so long as you're not taking it from someone who needs it. I know it just says disabled, but disabled toilets are clearly for people with *physical* disabilities. You can use the regular one even if it's uncomfortable for you; someone in a wheelchair can't

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Acrobatic-Pudding-87@reddit

Disabled toilets are toilets for everyone *including* wheelchair users, not for wheelchair users only. They are simply the toilets marked as accessible. They’re inclusive to disabled people, not exclusive for them. That would be a terrible inefficient resource considering the numbers of wheelchair users in the population.

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Ginger_Tea@reddit

One place I worked at had to redesign the toilets to add an accessibility toilet, the building was not wheelchair friendly, turnstiles and other factors. The one I used the most was just a bit bigger than a single stall but in the office area where I sometimes worked, it was a massive toilet with space to park a chair and hand rails to assist. But zero wheelchair employees just a requirement for inclusion. Either a legal one, or because the parent company was big on that despite our business not fitting well with physical disabilities, not just wheelchair users.

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Acrobatic-Pudding-87@reddit

My office doesn’t have its own but shares a public toilet on the building floor with 3-4 other businesses. Between all the businesses there are zero wheelchair users, but there is still a disabled toilet of course. It’s one of the separate ones, not a cubicle within the gendered bathrooms. Nobody ever uses it. It’s a wasted resource.

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

No one else is physically disabled - but of course you can't see hidden disabilities, as in my case I literally cannot use the shared toilets. I just physically and mentally cannot. It's been 37 years, things arent just going to change for me overnight.

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matomo23@reddit

I mean, you can. You’re being very dramatic saying you “physically and mentally” can’t. So you’d stand there and shit yourself would you? Come on mate!

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Kittlebeanfluff@reddit

Try to have a little more compassion and understanding, it's not that hard. There are things that autistic people find incredibly difficult or essentially impossible to do that people without autism don't even have to think about.

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i_enjoy_silence@reddit

You are not alone! 'Paruresis' is the term. Pee shy. I just stand there and nothing comes out unless it's a single cubicle, locked door, no gaps up and below. Utterly infuriating.

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away_in_chow_meinger@reddit

I found that doing arithmetic in my head helps if I get stagefright. Or seeing how many digits I can recite pi to.

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VickyAlberts@reddit

No, they are not. They are *accessible* for those with physical disabilities but they are for people with ANY disability that makes it difficult to use the regular toilets. OP clearly falls into that category.

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ShankSpencer@reddit

My perspective is that disabled toilets are prioritised for people with disabilities. If there is no contention for them, anyone should be able to use them, whoever they are. In a workplace I assume there is virtually NEVER a queue for the toilet so it should always be fine to use it.

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Lazy_Age_9466@reddit

The accessible toilet is for those who can not use the ordinary toilets. If that is you it is fine to use them.

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AdThat328@reddit

...you would benefit from using the disabled toilet and therefore shouldn't feel wrong using it.

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Sin_nombre__@reddit

It's an accesible toilet and you need it to meet your access needs to be in work. If anyone has an issue raise it with your manager/HR.

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RoyalConsistent@reddit

People are ignorant and have no idea what it's like to deal with sensory issues. Education is needed by the employers

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matomo23@reddit

Don’t be silly.

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RoyalConsistent@reddit

?

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matomo23@reddit

We can’t pander to people not wanting to use the bog because they think it’s unhygienic.

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RoyalConsistent@reddit

You have no idea what you are talking about

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matomo23@reddit

Oh so he’d stand there and shit himself rather than go in? I don’t believe him!

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ChrisBatty@reddit

Most won’t care as long as you’re not preventing it’s use by someone else, ignore any idiots that do whine about it - depending on your works rules you may even be someone that qualifies for it anyway.

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GRang3r@reddit

Not all disabilities are visible!

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Racing_Fox@reddit

I had a manager come onto my department and ask me in front of everyone what disability I had for me to be using the disabled toilet because some old bag complained Never work for Morrisons

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peppermint_aero@reddit

That would be literally illegal. I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm sorry their management training is so poor that management aren't aware of the law.

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peppermint_aero@reddit

Just to add a bit of legal context: There are a lot, a lot of people in this thread saying "I am not disabled but I have [condition/issue that makes daily thing Y significantly more difficult and is long-lasting]" and... It's important that people define themselves however they're comfortable but quite a lot of the conditions described in this thread would qualify as a disability under the Equality Act 2010. A broader and better understanding of disability benefits everyone, as people can then advocate for themselves as individuals and as a legally-defined group.

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HelpfulCarpenter9366@reddit

For context I'm also diagnosed autistic as an adult and I don't have issues with the toilets at my office. However I'm a women and I feel these are usually left in a better state. If i was having the same amount of sensory issues around the toilets that you were i would do the same thing. You can't hold it in for that amount of time, it's dangerous for you. You have a disability, it's just not a visible one.

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

So long as you allow anybody with physical disabilities to go in ahead of you. We disabled people can't just go in the ordinary toilet. It's about greatest need.

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SquidgeBear@reddit

Oh give over. Not everyone with hidden disabilities can use the other toilets either. They're not just for physical disabilities or visible disabilities and you do not have to disclose your disability or needs to random people. Just because a toilet is accessible doesn't mean you never have to wait to use it, you don't get to pick who you deem worthy or more in need.

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Wanderlust_CG@reddit

Look at you with such empathy. You give over. It’s meant for physical disabilities that’s why it’s so large, to be able to maneuver the wheelchair they’re in.

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SquidgeBear@reddit

They really aren't though, they're for all disabilities. That's why they are accessible toilets, because they allow access for all different needs, otherwise it would be a "wheelchair only toilet" which could, if you want to be really pedantic, could also leave out ambulatory chair users.

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Kittlebeanfluff@reddit

It's meant for any disability, it's large enough for wheelchair users so it can accomadate a wheelchair as well as people with invisible disabilities. It doesn't give one priority over the other.

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StrangeKittehBoops@reddit

Of course you can use them, they're accessible toilets and if you need to use them then that's OK. Some disabilities are hidden and absolutely no one has the right to question why you're using it or what is wrong with you. An employer cannot ask you, it's against[The Equality Act 2010](https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/equality-act-guidance/disability-equality-act-2010-guidance-on-matters-to-be-taken-into-account-in-determining-questions-relating-to-the-definition-of-disability-html#:~:text=The%20Equality%20Act%202010%20prohibits,wrongly%20perceived%20to%20be%20disabled.)ct 2010.

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PKblaze@reddit

Fellow autist. I don't see an issue with it. Unless you're depriving someone else or using it, I don't see how it matters. You're disabled, even if not as severely as other people, and have every right to use it.

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springsomnia@reddit

I’m autistic and also have fibromyalgia and DI George Syndrome, so sometimes the regular toilets are inaccessible to me. My disabilities are all invisible but I use the disabled toilets because that’s what they’re there for. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business but yours. Not all disabilities are visible and people don’t realise how we all have different needs and how some may be more severe than they look.

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sleeplessinsomerset@reddit

Do you have an access card? You can apply online and they can be really useful for anyone who has different needs, but particularly if it's a hidden difference. My daughter has one that allows her to move to the front of a queue, and access to disabled bathrooms.

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MDK1980@reddit

If the males cubicles are occupied, and I *need* to go, you'd best believe I'm using the disabled toilet. Not like there are every throngs of disabled people queuing outside it anyway.

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

You better believe that disabled people think your attitude stinks.

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sihasihasi@reddit

Are you one? Cos when I've seen this issue come up before it's universal - disabled people say *"as long as you're not hogging it - fill your boots"*

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MDK1980@reddit

There are no disabled people on our floor at all, so what exactly is the issue? Should we just leave a perfectly good toilet unoccupied in case someone on Reddit gets offended on someone else's behalf?

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Annual_History_796@reddit

I use it all the time and I’m not disabled. It’s roomy and quiet.

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IansGotNothingLeft@reddit

I've been told by our HR lady that I can use the accessible toilet when I'm on my period because I use a cup and the logistics are a nightmare in a stall. If HR are accepting of this, they should certainly be accepting of you.

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Isgortio@reddit

No issue with that. The toilets are for everyone to use. If you've got a preferred toilet, then use it.

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Fun_Yogurtcloset1012@reddit

I think we may need to change the symbol for disability toilets but there will still those who have a go.

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NotRealWater@reddit

Literally doesn't matter. I'm a nice person but I love life like a horrible person. Use the disable bay, use the disabled toilet take full advance of anything, if ignore the "not to be used for first floor only unless disabled" bs. Do what I want. Never been challenged. Zero consequences and I'm happy Yesterday I used the "basket only" lane and I had a shopping trolley (it wasn't full, still like only 11 items or whatever, but I ain't carrying shit!) Just do what you want in life, people will rarely challenge you (obviously broadly speaking obey the law and be respectful)

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HDK1989@reddit

>Literally doesn't matter. I'm a nice person but I live life like a horrible person. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you aren't a nice person

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NotRealWater@reddit

Thanks boss man

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RaspberryJammm@reddit

Please don't use the disabled parking.

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WestonsCat@reddit

A little confession - at my old job we had a Disabled toilet separated on the second floor. We had no disabled employees. It was basically my own private toilet for literally 25yrs. I could hear people buzzing about looking for me some days as I was having a nice sit down wee and reading a paper.

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mouldymolly13@reddit

I would just be cautious of people with urgency conditions who cannot wait which I have and I can have very minimal warning. Thankfully although I have a Radar key I am able bodied so can choose both depending. For those entirely dependant on a disabled toilet who have conditions such as mine with urgency, an occupied toilet could mean they soil themselves as there is no other option. I would definitely consider that for those with literally no other choice.

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springsomnia@reddit

I’m autistic and also have fibromyalgia and DI George Syndrome, so sometimes the regular toilets are inaccessible to me. My disabilities are all invisible but I use the disabled toilets because that’s what they’re there for. It shouldn’t be anyone else’s business but yours.

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dreadwitch@reddit

You have a disability, that means you can use disabled facilities. If anyone has an issue tell them to mind their own business.

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BlackberryNice1270@reddit

Nobody should have an issue, and if they do, you shouldn't care. Neurodivergence is as valid a reason for using the accessible facilities as any physical reason.

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P2P-BSH@reddit

Maybe mention it to HR to get ahead of a potential complaint.

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

They're well aware of my issues, and they've been fantastic so far - so I'm sure they'd wave it away. full flexibility of WFH has made my life significantly better, although I am constantly in my mind thinking how others see it - as they all have strict office/WFH days each week

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blackcurrantcat@reddit

As you’re sure they’d wave it away maybe just run it past them so you get the official wave away. You’ve got absolutely nothing to worry about then.

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

I did mention it in passing in my last review but it seemed to confuse the HR advisor so I brushed past it!!

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blackcurrantcat@reddit

Ask her if she’s got a minute to talk about something and say, you find it easier to use the disabled toilet because the main toilet is overwhelming and you just wanted to check you’re ok to do that. If no one else is using it then she’s got no reason to object.

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emmaa5382@reddit

The only people that would care are people that are judgy about things they don’t know any context for. Aka people that you shouldn’t hold on high regard anyway. Anyone worth gaining respect from won’t lose it for you using a disabled toilet. If you believe that you need to use it then your judgment is all that matters.

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Bgtobgfu@reddit

You’re stressing yourself out about how others see things. It’s none of their business. Try not to make yourself stressed for no reason.

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Front-Pomelo-4367@reddit

I know people who rarely come into the office or need a lot of time off unexpectedly, and while we just have two unisex cubicles I'm sure some would prefer to use a disabled loo. A couple of people talk about what's going on (autism, endometriosis, thyroid issues) and I'm sure that other people have other issues they've worked out directly with their bosses. All I think – and all I would think if I had a coworker who doesn't come in often and uses the disabled loo if they do – is "hope they're doing okay, they're having a rougher time of it than me"

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P2P-BSH@reddit

Not a problem then

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Take_away_my_drama@reddit

As long as you are not preventing a disabked person accessing it, there is no problem. I cannot stand to hear my colleagues using the toilet so i always use the disabled one as it is private. So do the 100 colleagues a day that need a poo, apparently.

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SaltEOnyxxu@reddit

I think you'd also benefit from bringing up the state of the toilets to your workplace, maybe if they were in better condition you'd want to use them over risking being judged for using the disabled toilets.

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

It's disgusting. Yes, theres four floors - but only a certain amount of people in at one time, what kind of absolute bastard do you have to be to destroy the cubicle with your ass then go back into the office, often not having washed hands, and pretend your a professional? Absolute idiots.

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FraggleGoddess@reddit

I usually use the disabled loo at my work as I have a bad back, and the other stalls are a bit narrow / awkward for me. As someone said, not all disabilities are visible, and you could say that should anybody actually question your use of that loo. Perhaps along with a reminder that ablism is not okay.

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SoggyWotsits@reddit

You don’t have to be disabled. The idea is that they’re accessible toilets for anyone who needs to use them for whatever reason. Many places are changing the signs to say accessible instead of disabled.

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333333x@reddit

Everyone uses our disabled toilet at work as we don't actually have any disabled person who needs it. Also its on the 2nd floor and our work has a policy that if you can't walk down the stairs you work on the ground floor as lifts can't be used in case of a fire so I have no idea why we even have a wheel chair accessible toilet in our office.

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matomo23@reddit

It’s a bit odd mate I have to be honest, you just need to get on with things I’ve been in some toilets that are properly grim. But no I don’t think anyone would really be arsed what toilet you use and if they do they’re a bellend.

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Kittlebeanfluff@reddit

Autism is a recognised disability, so they are "actually disabled" as you put it.

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Kittlebeanfluff@reddit

Autism is a recognised disability, the disabled toilet is there for you to use should you need to.

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ehsteve23@reddit

It’s disabled accessible not disabled exclusive Many disabilities are invisible You’re legally and morally entitled to use the facilities If anyone challenges you, you can tell them it’s none of their business.

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Several_Show937@reddit

It's like seats on a bus. Unless its needed by someone it's intended for, park your arse.

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random_character-@reddit

Is there a queue of disabled people waiting impatiently at the door? If not, no one (should) care.

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811545b2-4ff7-4041@reddit

Go for it. The disabled toilets at my workplace are so infrequently used, I can't imagine anyone would care if someone used them because they didn't like the regular stinky toilets. Sounds like you have a legitimate need, so go for it.

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Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit

Sounds like you have the perfect reason for using an accessible toilet! If anyone looks at you funny in this situation I would make it awkward for them by smiling and greeting them/ acknowledging them judging others bathroom needs.

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Jacktheforkie@reddit

The disabled toilet is available for anyone who needs it, I use it all the time because I need the space

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ClarifyingMe@reddit

Your accessible toilets sound a unicorn. Never experienced "toilet bliss". Usually something is broken and someone has just taken the biggest shit of their life so you can barely breathe.

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

Nope, it's beautiful. There's even a shower cubicle in there, so if I ever turned up sweaty as balls, I could have a nice shower.

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Wanderlust_CG@reddit

It matters if there’s someone else in the building who might need it and is physically unable to use the other stalls. I never considered this until my mother was diagnosed with ALS and once she was in a wheelchair chair, we could only use disabled stalls. This made me aware of the importance of leaving them alone if others are available and I cannot wait for them to be vacant if they’re not.

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Thefarrquad@reddit

It's accessible, not exclusive. You can use them just anyone else can use them.

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VViilliiam@reddit

Just rename the Toilets etc to XX or XY. Go to the one you are part of. Done.

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jalopity@reddit

I use the disabled one in our office There are no disabled people, it’s clean and it’s massive. It’s luxury 😎 Sometimes I just go and stand in there for 20 mins. During the Cheltenham festival the other week I watched every race in there. (About 28 races). Unless you are preventing disabled people using it, then I can’t see who would care

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External-Praline-451@reddit

*no visibly disabled people that you are aware of. People can have invisible disabilities that isn't public knowledge to everyone in the office.

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jalopity@reddit

There’s 6 of us in the office. I’ve worked with them for 10-20 years. They’re hiding it well if they’re disabled.

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

So no disabled person can ever get into your office?

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jalopity@reddit

Yeah they can just come in through the front door.

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Tabby_Mc@reddit

On the spectrum myself, and I use the disabled toilet when I need to. The space and quiet is sometimes essential, and I can put everything down on the floor and not worry about how to pile it all up. Your need is valid!

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Imperator_Helvetica@reddit

There are two distinct types of toilets - Ones for Disabled people only, whihc are the ones fitted with special access keys - like you might find at train stations, so the person doesn't need to traipse all the way back to Platform One and Accessible Toilets - which are the ones which tend to be larger, with more room to move around in and with hand rails, lower toilets and sinks etc. You shouldn't be using the former if you don't have a key, there should be other suitable facilities available nearby. Having a key means that you have been assesses to need one, like having a blue parking badge - and while some people will buy them online or take ones belonging to relatives, it's accepted that if you have one you should have access. However the latter type - Accessible Toilets are available for anyone to use so you can use them guilt-free. They're toilets Plus, rather than toilets seperate. Some disabilities are invisible so no one should be judging you or making it their business. It's bad form to use them if people with greater need are waiting for them - if you just want a cleaner, more spacious toilet then yield to the person in a wheelchair; but no one should be calling you on it. If anyone does then you are well within your rights just to say - 'I don't want to discuss my toilet usage with you' and if they persist, take it up with HR. Your employer is required to provide clean and suitable sanitary facilities for workers, and should be sensitive to your needs e.g. the strong air freshener gives me a migraine, can we not use it? So, no you shouldn't feel guilty, your coworkers have no idea of (or right to know) about any disabilities or conditions you might have. People are disgusting beasts and cleaners should be paid better.

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Silver-Appointment77@reddit

Im the same. I hate public /office toilets. Im female and some of the smell them woman leave in them toilets should be used as toxic warfare. So I just use to try and fond a toilet at dinner as I wouldnt use the work one. I cannot poop in any other toilet than my own.

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Ems118@reddit

You are the type of person disabled toilets are for. They are there for physical help and a private space. You need the private space so u are allowed to use it.

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Froomian@reddit

I take my autistic son into the disabled toilets. He is scared of public toilets so needs to be carried in as he will lie down in the street rather than agree to go into a public toilet. It’s just easier dealing with him in the space and privacy of the disabled toilet. Also the hand driers really upset him, so I can avoid him having to hear an unexpected hand drier if we are in the disabled loo. I have a radar key. It means fewer looks since I can let us into the disabled toilets that have radar keys without needing to ask somebody to unlock them.

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kestrelita@reddit

I have a couple of disabilities that mean I sometimes use the accessible loo. I generally use the other ones, but if I'm having a bad OCD day (mine manifests as germophobia) or an ulcerative colitis flare then I'm using it! No one has ever said anything to me about it.

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Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit

Yes, and no.

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Natural_Professor_43@reddit

IBS is a disablity same as IBD diseases. If anyone questions it, maybe a polite answer would go far.

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Nights_Harvest@reddit

Or They just saw you go into a disabled toilet. Your disability is invisible. Let's normalise it instead of scrutinising it. Let's accept this part of our behaviour and fix it.

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Princes_Slayer@reddit

They are accessible toilets. I’m not disabled but have an issue with my joints where I need to pull myself up using my arms. I struggle in normal cubicles because they can be narrow and nothing to grip, so I use the accessible toilet in work. If anyone was rude enough to pass comment, I’d give them an earful.

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LocalTradition4337@reddit

Absolutely not, you have a legitimate need.

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Preacherjonson@reddit

Even if you don't have a disability I wouldn't judge you for it.

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Wondering_Electron@reddit

No one even batters an eyelid when people at our work do this.

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

Imagine being this nasty and being proud of it

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Wondering_Electron@reddit

It's a toilet for everyone to use. We even make a point that it is avaliable to all to use and not just for the less abled. What is wrong with this exactly? It's not as if our shitters are in high demand.

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Relevant-Formal-9719@reddit

just to give an example of somthing similar: there is an Autistic employee where I work that has an agreement with work as a reasonable adjustment that they can exclusively use the disabled toilet at work so that they don't need to hear the new hand dryers in the building which they find intolerable.

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ValenciaHadley@reddit

I'm autistic and frequently use the disabled lavatories when I'm out and about. I wouldn't worry too much, maybe explain to your boss or someone above you that you need to use the disabled loo. You don't need to explain your usage to anyone though, having your boss on your side is good but ignore anyone who tries to comment on it.

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abovetopsecret1@reddit

Who cares what others think? Just use it, if anyone queries tell them it’s nothing to do with them.

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Lucy_Little_Spoon@reddit

Does not matter, it's there to be used, so enjoy it.

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NeilDeWheel@reddit

I’m a wheelchair user and have seen many people use a disabled toilet when they have no need to. It makes my blood boil that I’m made to wait, nearly pissing myself because they didn’t want to wait for their toilet. I would not count you amongst the above now that you have explained. Some disabilities are invisible and if ever challenged a polite explanation should suffice. As others have said speak to HR first to get ahead of anyone that might make a complaint. They will be able to let those people know you have a valid reason without telling why, if you wish. If there are only a few members of staff that need to use the disabled toilet HR may be able to forewarn them that you have a valid reason to be in there, again, if you wish.

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DeCyantist@reddit

I understand it can be frustrating to wait, but I do not think they are of exclusive use, unlike parking spots.

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DeCyantist@reddit

I use it no shame everywhere and I am not disabled. Everyone loves disabled toilets because of their privacy and everyone knows it.

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fmaestro99@reddit

Honestly unless you were constantly preventing people with physical disabilities accessing toilets for any significant amount of time you’re fine really

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Silluvaine@reddit

Invisible disabilities are a thing and no one is entitled to know what yours is.

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eastkent@reddit

On my recent trips out and about I have had occasion to use several public toilets and I have started using the accessible toilets without fail. They're not just for those with disabilities; they're just more spacious and a better experience altogether. My knees are fucked so I have no guilt whatsoever.

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shanodindryad@reddit

When I was diagnosed with autism I was told I could apply for a radar key to use disabled toilets because autism is a disability. Keep doing what works for you!

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bibonacci2@reddit

Go for it. Get yourself a radar key too. I got one for my son, who is autistic. https://shop.disabilityrightsuk.org/products/radar-key

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Spooky-Sista@reddit

Not at all. They are accessible toilets, you have access requirements. Buy a RADAR key for when you're out an about too. (fellow autistic)

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flashbastrd@reddit

So your only evidence and concern is you’ve had “some odd looks”. I imagine no one actually cares.

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

That's the autistic part of my brain not understanding other people's views there But I imagine you're right. Probably a larger number of people go in there to secretly vape than anything

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External-Praline-451@reddit

OP, I would personally consider you to be "disabled" in this context, and you would absolutely qualify to use them. You're describing a situation which makes using the standard toilets extremely difficult for you, to the point you are holding all day to avoid them - that's not good for you. They are meant for people who have difficulties accessing standard toilets and to provide an accessible facility. Remember not all disabilities are visible and I hope people in your office remember that too. If not, fuck em!

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flashbastrd@reddit

I use the disabled all the time. I think it’s socially acceptable as long as there isn’t disabled people waiting to use it

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kimba-the-tabby-lion@reddit

And even if someone "cares", that's not necessarily a problem. I might (hypothetical!) be envious of the OP pooping in luxury while I feel I shouldn't, and I *might* resent them and I *might* give a look. But that would be the end of it. In real life, I will always use the accessible loo if it makes my life easier. Only exceptions are if I might be getting in someone's way who needs it, or if I am in a queue of women who are ignoring the disabled cubicle, and I will check with those in front of me before diving in - which I do, because doing so has harmed no one, helped me, and shortened the queue by one! Well, more than one, because when I emerge, assuming there is no one queueing at the door, I will invite the person at the top of the queue to use it. Recently I was at (la-di-da) the National Theatre. It's a big complex with many theatres and bars/restaurants. The ladies nearest my play had a long queue, but I knew there was going to be a facility not far away that didn't. The cloakroom guy saw me looking for something and offered to help. I said "I am looking for a toilet without a queue" and he directed me to a single accessible cubicle that was empty. Because they are for everyone, priority those with needs, but anyone else, eventually.

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here-but-not-present@reddit

I think people need to remember that toilets like this are meant to be *accessible* , and that is to anyone who needs it. Toilets like this are for people who have invisible illnesses and disabilities - including sensory ones - and are not exclusively only for wheelchair users or people with mobility impairments. You should not feel like all eyes are on you. You are perfectly within your rights to use such a facility. It's literally no one's business, and if anyone makes it their business, report it to HR. Please also remember that your workplace should respond reasonably to any adjustments you may need due to your diagnosis, so reach out if you think there's anything they could be supporting you with.

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prustage@reddit

Disabled toilets are not like disabled parking spaces - you are not likely to be in there for hours. Our office policy was that disabled toilets are for anyone but disabled people have priority.

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shinydoctor@reddit

Not all disabilities are visible. Use the toilet.

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Dr_Turb@reddit

It might help to fend off any comments if you were to get yourself a "hidden disabilities" lanyard. Although most people won't have seen one before, they are slowly gaining recognition. It's decorated in green with sunflowers, and you can buy them online, or pick one up free from Sainsbury's. I've attached a card to mine explaining what my disability is - but you don't need to do that if you don't want to.

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queenslay1283@reddit

i love wearing my lanyard for the airport as an autistic person. the staff in the airports i’ve been to often know what the lanyard means, even in other countries! and so it means i get fast tracked to the front of queues which is great for me because i get really nervous with all the waiting around. i hate waiting and i’m not impatient i just get nervous! same reason i’m not going to my graduation, i’ll sit there nervous for possibly HOURS before i get to go up and by then i won’t enjoy it!

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Distinct-Injury6301@reddit (OP)

Got one, but got very turned off using it as I stringently stuck to COVID protocol back in the lockdown era, yet certain folks I knew got one to flaunt as many rules as possible When living with a vulnerable partner, that pissed me off enough to view the lanyard in a very, very different way.

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Dr_Turb@reddit

Oh, that's annoying. Luckily not a behaviour I've encountered. But maybe now that most people's lives have returned to pre-Covid norms, it might be worth trying it again? If you are still protecting your vulnerable partner, it would be worth asking your immediate colleagues to continue testing when they get an upper respiratory tract infection, and tell you the result. Then either you, or they, can WFH. My place of work has new policies, developed during the initial lockdowns etc. and they would definitely support this approach.

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kimba-the-tabby-lion@reddit

Well, I wasted a lot of time searching for this image! https://preview.redd.it/zr25k2uuqdxe1.png?width=778&format=png&auto=webp&s=2ab02fc80e109fa85e9538589a39c7f64abf6f54

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Embarrassed_Ad1722@reddit

I'm not disabled but I've used the facilities when I was in dire need here and there. My biggest concern was always that I would get out and some person in a wheelchair would go inside the nuclear fallout I left. This never ever happened anywhere I've been to. I've actually never seen a disabled person go into one. Chances are you will be the only one to use the toilet at your place and you really shouldn't care what other people think. Like others said it's none of their business.

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AClumsyEnding@reddit

Nope. Fuck em.

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MrPogoUK@reddit

Almost everyone favours the disabled toilet at my place, so the gents itself then basically becomes my personal toilet instead.

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Bluerose1000@reddit

Disabled toilets are disability accessible not exclusive. I had to get over my "I shouldn't be here" mindset when I had a kid and 80% of baby change toilets are also in the disables toilets. However if someone needed that toilet who can't access another toilet needs the space then I'd let them ahead of me as their need it greater.

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AberNurse@reddit

Disabled toilets are “disabled priority” not exclusive. It’s a toilet that has adaptations to make it more accessible. That doesn’t mean no one else can use it.

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Delicious_Target_975@reddit

Noone cares

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Richard__Papen@reddit

It's really no big deal. At work the public always use the 'accessible' toilet. I do too. It doesn't matter. If a disabled person needs it, it will either be available (vast majority of the time) or they'll just have to wait a few minutes.

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BackgroundGate3@reddit

The building I worked in only had gents toilets and a separate disabled toilet, so the four women that worked there all used the disabled toilet. Unfortunately, one guy with unpleasant toilet habits took to using it too and left it in such a mess that we had to ask HR to have a word with him. I think that providing you leave it as you found it (which should be the case for any user and any toilet), nobody will care.

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HairyGorilla33@reddit

I use my works disabled toilet when it's free or especially if the cleaner is cleaning them, and I don't want to go up 1 flight if stairs . Might seem lazy but convenience and privacy win for me

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

Lazy AND selfish

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HairyGorilla33@reddit

You got that right. Does it bother you?

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pineappleshampoo@reddit

Nope. The accessible toilets are designed to be accessible to all. There is no expectation that they will never be used by able bodied people. And nobody knows your personal health situation, nor do they have a need to know. Use it to your heart’s content.

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Poo_Poo_La_Foo@reddit

Nope! It doesn't matter one lil bit. If anyone questions you its totally up to you how you respond. You don't owe them an explanation.

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Robotadept@reddit

This isn’t going to be easy for you as I’m sure you don’t like the looks, but the bottom line is if they don’t like it it’s there problem ( probably a little bit of jealousy in there aswell ) and there is nothing they can do, just remember the key thing here is “ not all disability’s are visible “

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

The thread is a great example of how far the government's propaganda about disabled people has sunk in to the minds of gammons and other thickos who think they are the center of the universe

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EitherChannel4874@reddit

I'm disabled and no, it wouldn't bother me at all. As long as you're not sitting in there for 30 minutes hiding from work.

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Lopsided_Soup_3533@reddit

I'm an ambulatory wheelchair user now but prior to that I still had ibs so urgency issues are a thing. The one time a woman gave me abuse for using a disabled loo I suggested that if she preferred i could shit all over the floor as that is what the alternative would have been. I know when you're ND it's quite hard not overthinking things or having difficulty reading body language but please try not to worry. Here's the thing tho, their opinion is irrelevant. I would suggest having it formally put on your record with HR simply to protect yourself in the event of complaint otherwise you use the toilet that best suits your need.

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SmellyPubes69@reddit

(not disabled)I use them all the time, I always make sure to leave them as clean or better when I leave. In my 42 years no one has ever told me off lol

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DizzyMine4964@reddit

I am disabled and people with your attitude make me sick.

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mhoulden@reddit

Sounds like this is exactly what the toilets are there for. It's worth bringing up the state of the regular toilets with your boss. You're probably not the only one who finds them unpleasant. On a more general note, I'd investigate getting a Health Adjustment Passport. The DWP has a guide at https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/health-adjustment-passport or your employer might have their own version. This is a formal statement of the adjustments you need at work. It might be working from home, use of disabled toilets or other things. It's agreed with your boss. If anyone questions you using the disabled loos, you can have it at them.

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ambergriswoldo@reddit

Autism is classed as a disability so you’re absolutely ok to use them.

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StationFar6396@reddit

Just be ready with the "leg disabled" excuse, and you'll be fine.

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3rdHappenstance@reddit

IT Crowd reference is gold.🤭 Use that special toidy, but don’t hog it. I don’t want to have to come over there!

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pikantnasuka@reddit

If someone minds that would be strange. You have a legitimate reason to need to use that toilet.

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bannanawaffle13@reddit

Honestly? You have a condition that means using public toilets is difficult for you, I would say go for it, you may get funny looks, but ignore them. I'm trans and have a RADAR key because I don't feel safe in gendered toilets and I've had disabled people say that is okay because i'm doing it for my safety, we all have our reasons and as long is it's valid, not just wanting to jump a que, just go for it.

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bugabooandtwo@reddit

As long as someone with special needs isn't waiting to use it, then go right ahead. Personally, I think all toilets should be accessible...bigger stalls and more privacy.

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DameKumquat@reddit

They're accessible toilets. You have a disability meaning they're more accessible for you to use. Use it as a toilet, but if you want to catch up on Reddit on your phone, go find somewhere else so that other people can also use the accessible toilet.

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Bad_UsernameJoke94@reddit

It's an accessible toilet, and people need to remember not all disabilities are visible if they do have an issue.

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Serious-Note9271@reddit

Define “matter”. Some people will think you are a twat. Whether or not that matters to you is something none of us can answer.

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lemon-and-lies@reddit

If they do, nothing will come of it. They're disabled accessible, not restricted ONLY to disabled people. Obviously, if a wheelchair user is waiting it would be polite to allow them in first since they literally can't go elsewhere, but it's not that only they are permitted to use the toilets.

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lemon-and-lies@reddit

If they do, nothing will come of it. They're disabled accessible, not restricted ONLY to disabled people. Obviously, if a wheelchair user is waiting it would be polite to allow them in first since they literally can't go elsewhere, but it's not that only they are permitted to use the toilets.

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Bartghamilton@reddit

When you get caught just admit it. Don’t try to make up some story about a red bearded man stealing your wheel chair.

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Sugarlips_80@reddit

Disabled toilets are for anyone who needs them. You need them for the space, quiet and privacy. That is a perfectly okay reason to use it. Provided you are not taking hours in there at a time (i.e. meaning the only accessible toilet for someone with a physical disability or isong mobility aids is inaccessable for long periods) why would it be an issue? Disabilities come in all shapes and sizes and most are invisible. You don't need to justify to anyone why you would use the disabled toilet over a regular shared space. Just use it.

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ZaharaWiggum@reddit

We have someone at work who isn’t ND but in her words “just can’t” if someone else is nearby. She uses the disabled facilities. None of us mind.

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Suspicious-Magpie@reddit

If anyone asks, explain it exactly as you did there. If anyone is an arsehole to you, tell them you're happy with them to inform HR of their grievance and leave it at that.

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RedPlasticDog@reddit

A disabled toilet is for those that need it. But most don’t see it as exclusive only. Sounds like you need it. Speak to hr is you are concerned. But people that obsess over (clean) toilet having other folks are just weird.

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Fun_Gas_7777@reddit

It's none of their business. It's a well shared tagline that "not every disability is visible" but people are still ignorant. You have a disability, and a good reason to use the toilet. But also, they are for everyone. They just happen to be more disability accessible. If people mind, they can take it up with HR and they will fail.

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WhyDidIDoItSoSad@reddit

Nah I use them too. People are disgusting. Women’s toilets are always covered in poo and period blood.

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