Starting over, age 48

Posted by RW_77@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 56 comments

Male, 48 years. My life has been in shàmbles since i lost my business in 2020. It's now 2025.

I'm starting over. Currently in my third year of studying accounting.

My partner is a nightmare. (Premenopaus probably.) Unbelievàbly bàd behàvior.

I'm stuck with her due to financial problems and because we have a two year old daughter.

One more year until I'm a certified public accountant. One more year of poverty and living in a tiny studio apartment with this monster. God help me, seriously.

I’m also dealing with sometimes debilitáting digestive problems. Many recent hospitàl visits, etc.

Feel like giving up at times. I guess this is whàt it is to be one step away from being homeless, or worse.

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OkWatercress3125@reddit

Poor guy, "they" can be a nightmare, especially when you have money problems. Just read some of these replies by these "people." They definitely prove my point.

Hang in there. Divorce and find someone who isn't a nagging insufferable shrew harpy.

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Im very hesitant to do anything to her that will harm our daughter. She is an uneducated woman. Best job she can get is working as a baker at a supermarket. I don't want my daughter to suffer. I'm trying to tough it out until get a job in accounting.

But recently i have caught her cheating on me, online. Flirting with other men.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

You’ve posted in r/marriage that the daughter isn’t yours, and your wife’s been cheating on you.

Intentionally Misleading - Misinformation, Disinformation, anti-science, or any other intentionally misleading posts/commentary will be removed.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Prejudices & Hostility - No speech that targets someone based on, including but not limited to, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, or other personal attributes.

No objectification, or sexual harassment.

No threats, or advocating for violence.

No "anything else" that is deemed to fall under this category.

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Dry-Praline-3043@reddit

"Repeal the 19th Amendment yesterday."

-this guy 2 months ago

By "they," he means all of us, ladies.

Again, Mods, why is this anti-woman, incel-baiting tripe still up on the sub????

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spearzike@reddit

Please keep down voting me. But in real life you all know I'm right. 90 percent of divorce comes from women. Women use sex as a tool. Women.know other women are horrible people but tell them ti divorce their men. Then are sad and lonely. Prove me wrong with stats

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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farahwhy@reddit

Oh boo hoo 😭

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spearzike@reddit

I bet you will also block me. And not debate a intelligent person

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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spearzike@reddit

Stfu

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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spearzike@reddit

Came at me. I'll be here all day.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

[-]

GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Prejudices & Hostility - No speech that targets someone based on, including but not limited to, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, or other personal attributes.

No objectification, or sexual harassment.

No threats, or advocating for violence.

No "anything else" that is deemed to fall under this category.

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Independent_Fox8656@reddit

My dude, let’s step back for a second.

Are you working or going to school full time?

How much of a financial and emotional toll did the loss your business take on your partner?

Have you been this lovely of a human for long?

Premenopausal is not the answer. You are probably paying her the fvck off with this attitude. And justly so.

Financial problems for you meaning you are relying on her income while you call her a monster and I assume treat her like one, too?

Do everyone a favor and figure out how to move out.

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spearzike@reddit

Stfu

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Dry-Praline-3043@reddit

The misogyny in this post and thread is something to behold.

You are telling a woman to stfu and are going to bat for a man who had the substance of a post about his wife removed 2 months ago after calling her shockingly stupid and stating that her "huge butt" was a major selling point in marrying her. I can only imagine the content that was removed.

Mods, why is this post still up?

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

We don’t live and breathe Reddit. AutoMod removes posts automatically once the number of reports reaches the threshold.

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deleted_by_reddit@reddit

[removed]

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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spearzike@reddit

I'm still here. Why is it you can't debate a intelligent individual

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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Dry-Praline-3043@reddit

I will be kind and not touch upon intelligence. I will only say that I have no wish to engage based on your own history of comments about women.

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Independent_Fox8656@reddit

No one asked you.

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spearzike@reddit

Neither did they ask you for your bull shit negative comments. The guy is telling his story. Not wanting your fem bot I'm all about women bullshit go sir down in the fem line and realize you are the problem

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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spearzike@reddit

Still here

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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spearzike@reddit

You are a true boo hoo.

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GenX-ModTeam@reddit

Poor Behaviour - No antagonism, trolling, rage farming, flame wars, juvenility, or any other cantankerous commentary and/or behaviour will be tolerated.

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Latter-Stage-2755@reddit

Yes. 1000 times, yes.

I feel bad for his wife

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BraveG365@reddit

Good luck on the accounting degree....I was a Finance major and I know how hard accounting can be. I would have gone into accounting but it seems like lately there is article after article about how bad the accounting field has become.

The latest article I saw said the following....."Accountants are leaving the profession in droves citing low salaries, mundane tasks, burnout and threats from new technology like AI."

I just wonder how much AI will take over in the accounting field.

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

Yes, these are fears we all share about the profession. But, I'm moving forward with it.

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PreferenceNo7524@reddit

The digestive issues may just be from stress. I've had my fair share of that. Good luck with everything.

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

Thank you

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Sufficient_Focus4174@reddit

I thought this was a GenX sub! You are doing great with getting the career started, don’t get down on yourself. Ditch her and live a life you love! Seriously, if at our age we don’t know this by now, WE are in control of our lives! If it’s not working make it work out and make the changes. The health stuff needs to be taken care of ASAP. You probably don’t have the best diet due to finances and supporting others, but try and make changes with that. We don’t give up though, so stop with that shit right now. One more year, and your hard work pays off! Ditch what is bringing you down and live a life you love! You got this!

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

Thank you. I'm one day at a time. Caught her flirting with a man last night, oñline.

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Historical_Tomato374@reddit

It’s posts like this that make me hope some men come back in the next life as a premenopausal woman.

My partner and I are navigating these menopausal waters too, but with an understanding that as we get older, each person changes and therefore the relationship evolves too! A partnership is always a work in progress. May Dad’s advice to me was to keep dating your spouse/partner. He and my mom went through the highest of highs and the lowest of lows but they made sure their relationship was solid. It made going through our poor phase so much better.

Kudos to you for starting over and going to school! It’s not easy having so many aspects of life in uncertainty. All of the stress and hormones plus a kid under 10? I’m tired just thinking about it, so again, bravo for pushing through this tough period.

If you and your partner still love and care for each other, please communicate. I hope you are reminded that you are a team. Empathize. Stay healthy and address any medical/mental issues.

If you have checked out, you should talk to your spouse about it so she can do what she feels is appropriate for her. The way you’re feeling towards your partner is a breeding ground for cheating, and that’s so effed up.

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

She refuses to communicate like a normal person. I can't just have a dialog with her as I'm having with you now. I caught her cheating last night, online.

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Prestigious_Fox213@reddit

Being back at school full-time in your forties, while also raising a kid is hard. I know, because I went through this myself.

That said - you need to sort out your health and your personal life. Most universities have health clinics. If there is any way you can see a doctor, do so.

Your marital issues need to be addressed. If you want to stay in this marriage, even for another year, you need to get some counselling/therapy. If you want to leave your wife, be honest - there are mediation services available that are a lot less expensive than divorce lawyers. The two of you divorcing and managing to be civil towards each other will be better for your daughter than the two of you staying together and being horrible to each other.

Of course, if the reason you are staying with your wife is that she is the one supporting the family while you study full-time, being open about wanting a divorce might not work out very well for you. I imagine she is also doing most of the heavy lifting when it comes to raising your child as well. All this while dealing with perimenopause.

So then, your plan is to stay with her until you can support yourself and no longer need her? All while loathing everything about her? And she’s the monster? Right.

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

I'm studying online at a community college. I'm doing everything I can about my health. I must have gone to hospital around 10 times in the last two months. ER. Got all my imaging and other tests for free by using the ER in this manner.

My partner has no job. She has contributed $0 in the last our years. Weight around my neck.

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Jamies_verve@reddit

Wow a 2yo at 48 seems like a lot of work for you and your spouse. You both need to work together for her.

I’m just a couple years older and my grandkid wears me out.

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

Yes, and as a bonus our daughter is extremely naughty.

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bananapeel@reddit

What's with the weird punctuation?

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

My phone ran out of memory. It doesn't function properly at times. Can't afford a better phone.

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EngineeringOk5986@reddit

Hey man, first of all - massive respect.

You're so close to finishing your accounting degree. You’re like Frodo dragging yourself up Mount Doom right now, except instead of a magic ring, you’re hauling around debt, digestive issues, and an emotional Category 5 hurricane at home. And you’re still moving forward. Legend.

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RW_77@reddit (OP)

Thank you. I appreciate it.

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AncientRazzmatazz783@reddit

Meanwhile half the male population still scratching their heads wondering why women aren’t lining up for this… While women are telling each other not to get married and stock up on pregnancy tests so they too can avoid your wife’s fate… if you’re for real

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akrobert@reddit

So good job starting over. That is definitely tough at any age but the older we get the harder it gets.

Your partner being perimenopausal you need to understand some things, first thing, she’s going through alot and right now her body doesn’t feel like her body anymore, she’s going through a lot, sympathy will go a long ways. Second thing. If she’s getting huge hot flashes she’s not sleeping good. Imagine putting on a pair of pajamas and then your body while your sleeping goes into a fever state and you kick off your blankets and sweat through your clothes so wake up soaked in sweat and shivering. Now you gotta go change and that happens a few times a night. It’s not fun for her and the best thing you can do is understand she’s going through some stuff too and be supportive. There are a few herbal things that make it a little less awful for her and a lot of the low carb beers will kick it off like crazy for her so steer away from that.

Overall just try to remember that this was hopefully someone you cared dearly for and you’re both going through some things. Talk a lot, share a lot and be supportive. Rebuilding takes time, give it time and work at it. It is worth it and once she’s through menopause she will adjust. Adjust with her. It’s a team effort

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