This is a reminder | TheaterFire

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I got good at talking to girls in high school after my crush got food poisoning. I realized even beautiful girls had diarrhea. If someone so perfect could take a shit so gross, she was just a person like me. I lost my virginity to that girl a few months later when she no longer had diarrhea.

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MugroofAmeen@reddit

Can you elaborate on that story? Did just hearing her having food poisoning just magically make you better at being social?

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nzdastardly@reddit

I was nervous about talking to her because I thought she was so gorgeous. I was just growing out of being a little fat, and didn't think she would go for me. Luckily, being fat made me funny, and I was fairly popular, I just didn't think I had a chance with a girl so lovely. Something clicked when I heard that she had gotten food poisoning, and i started talking to her. She wasn't a magical, unobtainable goddess. She was a regular person with exceptionally symmetrical features, blonde hair, and blue eyes. A regular person who gets horrible, pray-for-death, agonizing shits sometimes, just like me.

I'm a bit above average handsome and 6'2", but I'm not a model. I've out kicked my coverage with partners ever since that first girlfriend because I know that no matter how beautiful somebody is, sometimes they get runny unpleasant turds just like everyone else. I think the real lesson is "treat everyone you meet well and don't idolize or make assumptions about them based on their looks," and a teenage girl getting horrible diarrhea taught me that.

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MugroofAmeen@reddit

Haha, funny how even ubiquitous thing like a person having diarrhea can completely change another person's perspective. Putting anyone on a pedestal just distorts one's perception of a person. Anyways, did you ever tell her about that? What was her reaction?

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nzdastardly@reddit

I did, actually. She used to sneak out of her parents' place, pop start her car, and spend nights with me. We were pillow talking on one such night, and she asked when I started to first "like" like her. I told her that story and she blushed absolutely beet red, which I thought was so cute, and being 17 years old led pretty quickly to another round of making out. I think the sex would have happened either way at that point given the circumstances, but I like to credit sharing the story with that, too.

One of the best things a person can be is honest. I tell anyone I'm close to pretty much anything they care to ask about, and I find it makes people trust me and has helped me vastly improve my mental health around a ton of things that used to give me real anxiety. It takes practice to do and even more practice to find the line between being an open book and being an over-sharer, but it's made my life a lot easier than it might have been.

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Antarctic1540@reddit

Yummy 🤤

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FuckingBastardCunts@reddit

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SmaugRancor@reddit

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onarainyafternoon@reddit

Ok good

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Dasnap@reddit

I'm sorry you missed your opportunity.

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I_Don-t_Care@reddit

im the scatman
ski bi di bi di ba dop bop pop
ski bi di bi di ba dop bop pop

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ShefBoiRDe@reddit

Can confirm, just took a shit.

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Awolflion@reddit

Anon is a philosopher.

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Gingerbread57@reddit

Pics or it didn't happen

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thejadesristocrat@reddit

I have never defecated in my life

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AccomplishedTank7155@reddit

I jizzed to this

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Hi_Im_Rowdy@reddit (OP)

I jizzed to this

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I_am_Reptoid_King@reddit

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Rockman2isgud@reddit

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Mercury_Dumbass@reddit

https://i.redd.it/upqf1z23d3xe1.gif

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AerodynamicHaircut@reddit

I COULD jizz to this.

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Mercury_Dumbass@reddit

Becuase its in fact propped corn

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Nintendoge21@reddit

bruh wtf

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The_King_7067@reddit

First time?

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ExoTheFlyingFish@reddit

Everyone you've ever met has jizzed.

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GuyOfNugget@reddit

This one is not true. Even with nocturnal emissions.

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ExoTheFlyingFish@reddit

Everyone jizzes every now and then. Even the most devout, sheltered Christian children.

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Meowza_V2@reddit

Hi jizzed to this, I'm dad.

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Resident-Martian@reddit

Dad? Is that you? Are you finally back with the milk?

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Meowza_V2@reddit

Oh dang it I knew I forgot something. I'll be right back son see you in another 10 years.

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DeathSabre7@reddit

r/gayscat

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naykikow@reddit

I jizzed to jizz

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sarcrastinator@reddit

In your pants?

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AmazingFartingDicks@reddit

I jizzed on the shit.

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Business-Emu-6923@reddit

Add it to the list r/jizzedtothis

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Omega_brownie@reddit

Furthermore, everybody has shit inside of them at any given time.

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AdeptnessUnhappy7895@reddit

This fact blows my mind ...

You can never be fully empty of shit

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_w3dge_@reddit

Wait until you go through a colonoscopy prep. Your bowels will be so spotlessly clean and empty that you'll miss the otherwise unappreciated and overlooked feeling of carrying a log inside you.

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AdeptnessUnhappy7895@reddit

How does it feel tell me all about it and describe it in great detail

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DeathSabre7@reddit

Not eating for like 12 hrs before going in and drinking 3 bottles of liquid to empty bowels. The shit was not log and sturdy as always, like pissing but from ass, went to the toilet more than 10 times under 1.5 hr or so until only water came out.
Went in for the procedure, was under general anesthesia, woke and the procedure was done, took me off the table on a wheelchair cause groggy, Felt gel like stickyness in the ass crack, probably lube for the camera's entry. Washed it off by bidet later.

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AdeptnessUnhappy7895@reddit

That's crazy

I'm not looking forward to it

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_w3dge_@reddit

They also gently pump air into you to expand the intestine. The air then of course has to escape somehow so after the procedure, you're just slumped in a chair as the anesthesia wears off and rip one fart after another. I found it incredibly amusing in my half-awake drugged state lol.

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GuyOfNugget@reddit

Medically induced braphoggery.

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DeathSabre7@reddit

Do it if necessary otherwise use grindr for timepass

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AdeptnessUnhappy7895@reddit

Lol

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Omega_brownie@reddit

The shit is never complete, every wipe in is vain.

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Spiritual_Ask4877@reddit

Eat some fiber dude

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Testing_things_out@reddit

Yes you can. After extended period fasting.

After a couple of weeks of fasting or so, the only thing you "poop" out is just dead cells from your intestine. They're the equivalent of dead skin, but for your gut.

Like this guy only passed "stool" every 40-50 days.

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Vilzuzz@reddit

No, I have a man inside of me

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_w3dge_@reddit

and both have shit inside of them

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Vilzuzz@reddit

shit and piss

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I_cut_my_own_jib@reddit

Is shit also stored in the balls? 🤔🤔🤔

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Few_Distribution_817@reddit

No, shit is stored in the butt cheeks, that's how a bbl works.

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Jorsk3n@reddit

So the reason why men are so attracted to butts (and especially bigger ones) is because we biologically look for women with more capacity for shit? TIL, ig?

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Few_Distribution_817@reddit

Sure.....

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bendbars_liftgates@reddit

and cum

no g*rl wolfs

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Business-Emu-6923@reddit

Shows what you know, I already what two wolves today

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ambermage@reddit

And those wolves are high-fiving, so they look like the Tokyo Tower in Paris.

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Vilzuzz@reddit

9/11??

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tencaig@reddit

People are full of shit.

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FantasmaBizarra@reddit

Gonna start calling you "my pants" cuz you're full of shit 😎😎😎

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LEONAPROFI@reddit

How about a newborn they never took a shit

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Kazer67@reddit

What do you mean? He shat through the mother.

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Business-Emu-6923@reddit

Babies shit in utero then eat it again. And grow hair, and usually a beard. Then lose that hair. Then eat it in the umbilical fluid, then shit it again.

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