How much do you usually gift at weddings?
Posted by blloomfield@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 70 comments
Been invited to a wedding here for the first time, it’s in a few months but wanted to plan early. What’s the usual gift amount at weddings in the UK?
I was thinking £300 as that should cover my cost and have a little extra on there for the bride and groom but not sure if that would be seen as too little or too much?
thatscotbird@reddit
Weddings cost hundreds to attend, I can’t imagine how rich someone must be to gift £300, that’s insane! I give £100 to family and people I’m really close to, £50 to others.
blloomfield@reddit (OP)
Maybe I am not understanding this correctly. But why do weddings cost anything to attend? You just turn up, eat, dance, and leave. Don’t see much cost besides the gift
thatscotbird@reddit
Transport to the venue? I’m not going to get on a bus in wedding attire - so if I’m not getting a lift then that’s cost for a taxi, taxi home, Overnight stay if it’s a distance away, overnight stay isn’t just a hotel stay, it’s petrol costs, it’s dinners & breakfast
I schedule my hairdresser appointments, eyebrows & nail appointments around weddings I’m attending - a new set of fake eyelashes, a fresh bottle of fake tan or body makeup.
And that’s just my beauty appointments - my partner will do the same - get all the works done in the barbers
That’s before we get on to outfits, new dress for me, new dress is potentially a new pair of shoes & a new handbag, a new hair accessory. My partner might need a new tie (we like to match at weddings), get his suit dry cleaned
All that before we even step foot in the door? Once we get there we’re paying for drinks, etc.
We went to a wedding a few years ago at the other side of the country and we worked out it cost us £1000 to attend.
I was so happy when my cousin got married walking distance away from me last year & I rewore a dress that I had only wore for 1 hour somewhere previously - and I was with family and barely had to pay for drinks. That day “only” cost us £300,
Several-Statement878@reddit
You sound very entitled. You don’t need to get a new outfit, get your makeup done etc. Coming to a wedding can be very low cost. The money you spent on your “glam” could be given as a gift to the couple
thatscotbird@reddit
I think putting an effort in to go to someone’s wedding is a sign of respect. I don’t have to save money by not getting appropriately ready for someone’s wedding, as I can get appropriately ready & give them an absolutely sufficient gift. Wanting more than £100 as a gift from a couple attending your wedding is utter greediness.
Fred776@reddit
If it's local to you, that is more or less true, but people tend to move around a lot these days and many people will be travelling, taking time off work, staying overnight and so on.
Often people will buy some new clothes to attend a wedding.
Note that, typically, the bar is not free at UK weddings. You will probably get something like a welcome drink, some wine with the meal and a small glass of fizz for the toast but you will have to pay at the evening bar.
But otherwise it is assumed that the main expense of the wedding is borne by the people getting married, often with some help from their families.
blloomfield@reddit (OP)
Didnt know about the bar not being free. Good to know. Where I’m from as a wedding guest you don’t pay for anything, the whole cost is covered and if it’s outside your local area the expectation is that the bride and groom book a hotel for you.
Skylineinmyveins@reddit
We spent £480 on the bar at a friends wedding. £100 total for new outfits. £70 to get home in the evening. £40 wedding gift for the couple. Nearly £700 just to attend and we didn't stay overnight!
Alert-Performance199@reddit
£300 from a friend who isn't a close friend of family member might be very awkward for the couple receiving it.
You're not expected to cover your costs for food and everyday the wedding.
Nohopeinrome@reddit
It’s funny because this is always how I’ve worked out how much to give. I always look at the venues website and see how much it costs per person, give that and a little extra. To be honest everyone I know also does this, maybe it’s a N.Irish thing?
verzweifeltundmuede@reddit
It's the same in a lot of countries. I think in the UK the wedding was traditionally paid for by parents - maybe that's why it's not so usual
Alert-Performance199@reddit
Quite possibly yeah, that is interesting
kifflington@reddit
£300 is a lot, and in the UK there isn't usually the expectation that the gift covers the cost of your presence. It's an invitation, not a ticket. I usually give £50 unless it's a particularly special-to-me person.
verzweifeltundmuede@reddit
Per head or per couple? I've lived abroad for so long and here it's expected to cover your costs also but I'm at a UK wedding in summer and it's costing me a fortune just to get there and I'm worried about what to gift.
kifflington@reddit
Per gift. You're not buying a ticket to an event; you're an invited GUEST.
verzweifeltundmuede@reddit
Okay 😅 It's common in other countries to cover costs. I've been called cheap by friends before when my partner and I gifted 175 € between us. We also spent 200 € on a hotel because it was super remote.
kifflington@reddit
175 sounds generous! Isn't it funny how different things can be? I can't remember ever hearing anyone from the UK complaining about a wedding gift not being enough.
verzweifeltundmuede@reddit
The bride and groom said nothing - it was our friends who were judging us. Apparently 100€ a head minimum, because that's what you eat and drink. I bring my own food anyway due to allergies
Forsaken_Hat5481@reddit
I gave £100 last year to one of my BF's for her wedding. Plus, I travelled to London for 3 days for the ceremony and surrounding engagements.
Scottish_squirrel@reddit
I usually work out the cost of the meal and aim around that mark per person attending.
CandleAffectionate25@reddit
£50 or more...anything less is quite insulting haha!! Imagine getting £10?
Skylineinmyveins@reddit
We got lots of £10 and £20 gifts. Also got some random ornaments that somebody definitely found around their own house. My very rich (millionaire) uncle gave us £50.
Parents gave much larger sums towards the wedding but no other guests gave us more than £50.
CandleAffectionate25@reddit
Wow really?
Skylineinmyveins@reddit
Yeah. I wasn't bothered. We saved up for our wedding and I look back at the day really fondly, grateful that our whole family could be there for it. My husbands parents did end up covering our honeymoon by about 70% because they felt guilty that they didn't help with a single scrap of wedding planning.
lxgrf@reddit
Depends who its from, really. £10 from your rich uncle is almost worse than nothing, but I hope you wouldn't sniff at £10 from a broke student cousin.
CandleAffectionate25@reddit
Well no, I think if the student was part of a family, then they'd probs just do from the family.
HalfAgony-HalfHope@reddit
If you or the wedding couple are loaded, £300 might be normal. But for most people its VERY generous.
£50-£100 is more usual, I think.
And you mention about covering costs with a little leftover for the Bride and Groom. I'm not sure if this is a cultural thing but here, you're not expected to reimburse your own costs. The amount you give is purely a gift.
blloomfield@reddit (OP)
That bit sounds so weird to me. Where I’m from the gift at minimum had to cover the cost, then anything extra is the actual cost. Basically you don’t want the bride and groom to walk out of the wedding with any debt.
HalfAgony-HalfHope@reddit
Ah, yeah. Very different then. You're invited to celebrate the day with the bride and groom and they foot the bill. The number of people they invite depends on what they can afford. Guests aren't expected to contribute for their food or anything.
Though, in the UK, its worth nothing that open bars aren't that common and you may be required to buy your own drinks.
Any gift is just a present. Not a contribution to the costs of a wedding. Though lots of people use the cash to pay for things like a honeymoon.
International-Ad5705@reddit
I think most people save up in advance for their wedding. If you can't afford an expensive wedding then you look for cheaper options. There's no need to end up in debt or be subsidised by the guests.
Skylineinmyveins@reddit
I really don't understand how people gift triple figures unless they have a lot of money. The most we received from a day guest was £50 and my family aren't short of money at all. This is not including our parents who did give us more.
The most we have gifted in cash is £20. I prefer to buy something special for the couple as I find giving money makes me feel skint and it already costs us money to attend the wedding to start with. The most expensive gift I've bought was £40 which was for my best friend. Attending weddings is generally not easy for us, the last 4/5 we have been invited to have been child free because "we want parents to let their hair down" (child free does not mean relaxing or in any way cheaper for us!) so there's that, outfits, transport, drinks, accommodation if it isn’t near home. It's a lot.
Aurum_Albatross11@reddit
My general rule is to try and work out how much the meal at the reception costs per person, and gift them that. That’s usually a safer bet. For example, my other half and I attended a wedding a few backs, and I know that they paid roughly £65 per head. So we gave them £130 as a gift.
Scremdelascrem@reddit
As most have said, there's no expectation to 'cover your cost' to the couple in the UK.
I have been in the reverse situation where a group of us were over for a French friends wedding and we gifted a typical UK amount (£50 each at the time) and you could tell they were offended when the opened checked the amount gifted*. It was only after that some of the French guests explained the etiquette to us. So there definitely is that expectation in other countries just not the UK.
£300 would definitely be excessive unless you're a wealthy peer group. I'll typically gift £100 from my wife and I.
*The gifts were left in a money box at the onsite accommodation that the couple came round to collect, while guests were still there. Thinking back it was a strange situation, so included this addendum.
terryjuicelawson@reddit
£20-50. I didn't even get into the higher hundreds from family so 300 would be a bit OTT and more into showing off territory tbh.
thelajestic@reddit
Depends who they are to you. If it's a close family member and it's affordable to you then £300 sounds good (and generous).
I personally wouldn't gift that much to a colleague or friend because unless you're a very rich bunch it's a lot more than usual, although very generous! Some people will just bring a bottle of champagne as a wedding gift, could be £20-100 in a card etc. Potentially a bit more depending on closeness.
blloomfield@reddit (OP)
Not family or a close friend, just a friend. In that case I might reduce it by a bit. Still, £100 doesn’t seem like a lot? We’re a couple so the money we give has to cover both our expenses at the wedding.
No-Jicama-6523@reddit
That’s not a concept we have in the UK.
TSC-99@reddit
£50 altogether would be more appropriate from you both
leyland_gaunt@reddit
Why do you need to cover your expenses? That’s not a thing that is required. If someone waits to get married they need to pay for it - they can spend a fortune if they want or just get married in a registry office and take everyone to the pub.
Alert-Performance199@reddit
£300 is a lot for just a friend.
thelajestic@reddit
I don't think the covering expenses thing is really a thing these days, or at least here I don't think it is. I've been married twice and I was grateful for any gift - the purpose of inviting someone to the wedding isn't to recoup your costs in paying for the wedding, it's to share the day with your friends and family!
It will very much depend on how much money you and your friends have, but certainly in my circles where most people earn about average, £100 (even if from a couple) is seen as very nice and generous. Generally you also buy an outfit, might have transport and accommodation costs etc so going to weddings isn't always cheap and you incur your own expenses.
Fudge_is_1337@reddit
£50 is pretty standard for us. We're just getting to the tail end of the phase of life where half of our yearly holiday allowance is being used on people's weddings and stags, and giving massive cash gifts on top of the travel and hotel costs plus time off work just isn't really practical.
Projected2009@reddit
You could ask them if they have a gift list. A lot of couples do that so that they don't receive five dinner sets and 14 toasters.
Then, pick a gift that matches your position in their social circle... the top tier presents will be bought by family. The mid-tier by close friends, the low-tier by work colleagues, sports club teammates etc.
LaughingAtSalads@reddit
£100 if you can afford it would be very nice of you. £300 would be a bit OTT. We gave a younger-generation family friend a very generous gift because we’ve known the bride from childhood, the couple are sensationally nice kids, and they’re just starting out (but are employed, sensible, positive, and we expect to keep in contact until we are dead).
RobotBugEyes@reddit
Five pound coins sellotaped to the inside of a card.
MomentoVivere88@reddit
£50 is standard or gift card to that amount. £100 for very close friends and close relatives
TheDawiWhisperer@reddit
£300?
Give me your contact details mate you're getting an invite to my wedding
JP198364839@reddit
Came to say the same thing!
TSC-99@reddit
I gave my sister £100 from 3 of us. We’ve just got married and got £40-£100 off most guests. £300 is definitely too much!
Mental_Body_5496@reddit
I would say £100 plus a high quality bottle of champagne 🍾
pelican678@reddit
Agreed, this is a good amount
leyland_gaunt@reddit
£50 is a decent amount. We generally buy a decent bottle of champagne and take that.
Travelliv@reddit
I gave a £25 M&S voucher to a work colleagues/friends wedding, that seemed reasonable to me given we spent money staying in a hotel, new outfits etc.
I’d argue you don’t owe them anything for how much your place costs, that’s just how weddings work and in most cases the amount of invites you get to other weddings probably balance out what you pay to host your own
pocahontasjane@reddit
£300?! You can come to my wedding 😂😂
I do £50-100 depending on whether I'm there all day or evening.
LakesTrees221116@reddit
Our Niece got married last April and we gave her £150, but we are close. I would go up to £100 for friends and a bit less if I’m going to just the evening, if it’s someone I don’t know so well. It depends how much you like them!! That goes for family too!
yannberry@reddit
£100 for two of us (full day) + £50 if my daughter is invited £50 for two of us (evening only)
Bulbasaurus__Rex@reddit
A wedding gift is not designed to cover the cost of you being there, it's a token of gratitude for being invited and a gesture of goodwill to the newly married couple. £300 I'd say is too much unless you're extremely wealthy or they're a close relation. We usually gift £50 to our friends at their weddings. We had our wedding a few years ago, some didn't gift anything, some gave us about £20, some were very generous. But we didn't invite them expecting a specific amount of anything, we were just happy for them to come.
idontlikemondays321@reddit
£300 is in the realms of close family to me but there is no rule
LuinAelin@reddit
What does the invite say about gifts?
blloomfield@reddit (OP)
Nothing, but I’ve never seen an invite to a wedding mention gifts. Do they usually do that in the UK?
Alert-Performance199@reddit
Normally if they don't have a gift list they just say your presence is more than enough. Sometimes a small donation towards the honeymoon.
£300 is a bit much tbh.
LuinAelin@reddit
It can say they don't want gifts.
randomdemo@reddit
£300 is a lot. My mil is gifting £200 and we didn't even expect that much off family
Fellattio_Nelson@reddit
Nothing. They're taking up my saturday.
PleasantUnicorn@reddit
It depends on many factors - how close you are to the couple, are you there for the full wedding, or reception only, how many people are part of your gift.
I tend to gift £50 for reception only and £100 for full day.
I got married last year and got all different amounts - £150 from a couple I don’t know, by my husband does who were evening only and £20 from people who were there all day. I don’t think any differently on anyone and was just happy they were there to celebrate.
Final_Flounder9849@reddit
£150 - £200 a head so perfectly in line with your thinking. Unless they’re a really close friend in which case it may be significantly more.
Lunar-Grizzle@reddit
About 50 for me. It's a nice sentiment but not your responsibility to cover the cost of your attendance. If they've planned it properly they should be able to afford you being there and anything you give them is a gift, not a fee.
Sendnoods88@reddit
30-50 lol . Given how much I spent to get there outfits, et cetera
FelisCantabrigiensis@reddit
£300 is pretty generous! It very much depends on how much you want to give, how wealthy you are (is that a trivial amount of money for you?), and so on, but I think for most middle-class people in the UK giving a present to a friend at a wedding, £50-100 might be much more common.
Of course, do as you wish, but I will advise you that if you spend £300 on a gift, or give that in cash, it will be considered a generous gift for a friend or cousin-level relative by almost everyone in the UK.
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