Our parents are dying off, and we’re next
Posted by PretentiousUsername1@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 460 comments
I’ve always viewed my parents as a protection, a ”shield”, like ”they’re not that old, so I’m still young and won’t die for many years”. But my dad passed this summer, and his death was, and has continued to be, so incredibly traumatic for me for several reasons. I realize one of the reasons is that I’ve lost my shield. I’m the next generation to die. And it’s fucking killing me, no pun intended. I think so often of my own coming demise, and this is not healthy for me, nor is it helping me have a good life. I might very well have 40 years left, but it seems I put an unhealthy focus on that last day. After all, I will live all the days I have left, it’s only one measly day of them all that I will die, and I won’t know which one beforehand. I supposed that should be comforting.
But watching my dad fade away, sleeping more and more until the pancreatic cancer took him from us, was so absolutely devastating that I now am more afraid of death and dying than ever. And no, this isn’t something therapy will fix, because no therapist is immortal, and they will fear and face the same destiny as me. I just have to get my shit together, and get through this mourning period.
RosemarySquad@reddit
The part of me that has existential dread pretty much every day completely sympathizes. No one knows anything pretty much ever in this department and it has never made sense to me that we’re all so distracted by demands of surviving that it seems we rarely explore this problem outside of dogmatic responses.
But the professional part of me — I’m a psychologist — tries to tell myself (as well as clients) to be as curious as you want (bc at least curiosity is a different feeling than dread) but beyond that, always try to focus on what you can control and let the rest go.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Thank you. Hey, I'm not asking for free advice here, just asking if I'm wrong about therapy regarding my grief and fear of death? Could it improve my quality of life?
RosemarySquad@reddit
It rarely hurts.
Time-Soup-8924@reddit
Well, it is weird because my grandparents lived an extraordinarily long time. My grandmother’s mother was alive until my grandmother was 85…
Some of the boomers and silent generation are withstanding time well. Some of them lived hard and are already gone.
GenX should commit to being a spectacularly weird cohort of elders. I’m starting a weed farm at age 60.
rantingathome@reddit
My grandparents lived to 75,87,93, and 94, so my family is long lived overall.
But my best friend (at the time) died at 21 by suicide. He and I had a lab partner in grade ten computer science that was murdered by her domestic partner at age 20. Those two deaths pretty much ended any internal feeling of immortality that I may have had.
At 50 I feel like I have 40 or so years left, but I get that it could end later today.
ShaiHulud1111@reddit
Me too. My father’s birthday is today. He will be 82. Nobody on his side lives past 87. He is the last of my family and I never married or had kids—plenty of opportunities. I am not focused on my longevity and in some ways, unless I meet someone amazing soon, Not looking forward to being here without my family some days. Like OP, he is my one shield. Just rambling with coffee. Peace. I love this sub. Reddit, it’s ok.
naf0007@reddit
Man I could have written this , except my dads birthday is in a week and he will be 83. All the rest same... Not a fan of life these days , seems only shit days ahead of us
ShaiHulud1111@reddit
In a way, we are actually free of any other expectation or judge that matters. Trying to look on the bright side. Like, I could really take my life in a crazy dried without anyone caring. But still date and hope to meet someone who does care. Such is life…duality.
No-You5550@reddit
I am the last one standing in my family. Most lived into there 80s. I'm 69f who never married or had kids. No regrets. I was very close to my mom and grandmother and miss them everyday. I have been alone for 13 years.
BraveG365@reddit
I know exactly how you feel. My mother who passed away at 85 last year and was the last family member in my family....I was her full time care giver for the past 10 yrs since she had dementia and when you do that full time you become very close to the person.
Like you I miss my mother everyday and wish I could have another few years with her...but since I never married or had children I am the lat of my family alive and I am in my 50's and to be honest I am scared to think about living another 30 or 40 years by myself with no family at all.
Time-Soup-8924@reddit
Same here. I knew lots of people who died very young, so try not to take anything for granted.
My FIL is 85, still works full time by choice, and hasn’t slowed down at all. Travels worldwide. With him it is good genes and attitude.
cnacarver@reddit
Some people actually thrive by continuing to work. I knew someone who retired and was back to full time in 6 months...he just wasn't happy being retired.
HappyCamperDancer@reddit
I experienced a string of terrible deaths in middle school and high school. Murders, accidents, drunk drivers killing friends, --all told i had 7 classmates die within a span of three years. Then a year out of high school two more friends died.
Honestly we all start dying the day we take our first breath. Just live for the moment as much as you can. Enjoy the liminal moments. We do not know which day will be our last.
On the other hand several in my family had long lives, so I prepare for a long life knowing it could be actually shortened.
Such is life. This is what philosophers discuss. What is our purpose? What is our drive? Why do we exist?
I just want to outlive the damn QuislingKrasnov.
Charleston2Seattle@reddit
I've told my wife and other family members that I have accomplished everything I set out to do in my life. My bucket list is empty. I feel fulfilled and complete. If I go tomorrow, I'm okay with that.
That's not to say I have a death ideation. I'd LIKE to stick around and enjoy at least some retirement years. But if it isn't meant to be, so be it: more retirement funds for my wife's crafting projects. 😏
Whyme1962@reddit
It took death paying me a personal visit, roughly 40 minutes without a pulse and two weeks in ICU to learn to quit worrying about death and dying. Now I don’t fear dying.
Halfpint_425@reddit
What made you not fear it?
Whyme1962@reddit
Having visited the other side!
Halfpint_425@reddit
I’d love to hear more about your experience if you want to share!
Whyme1962@reddit
Not much to tell.
Shanbirdy3@reddit
This is a healthy way to look at it
dry-considerations@reddit
It's unlikely you have 40 years left. Strictly, on average, you have 25 years left, tops. You should prepare for that... anything beyond that is gravy.
rantingathome@reddit
I got that, hence... "but I get that it could end later today."
maniaq@reddit
a long time friend I've known for some 40 odd years died recently and TBH it still affects me sometimes
I've had the view for the longest time that we spend MAYBE 100 (if we're extremely lucky) years IN BETWEEN the 13 BILLION years that preceded us and the however many BILLIONS of years that will come after - so make the most of that very, very short time!
but...
one thing that is easy to forget is that we're a social creature - and having your friends and family around you is probably the most important part of how we make the most of that short time on the planet!
there's no point in being long lived if you're on your own - in fact the consensus seems to increasingly be that having those loved ones around them is one of the very things that leads to some people living longer than others (yes of course there are many factors - including accident or injury, as you point out - but in terms of general health, there's a lot of evidence now pointing to how our "mental health" directly impacts our overall health)
hidperf@reddit
I'll be 56 soon. It's rare in my family that anyone lives past 80, so even though I'm doing as much as I can to make it past that magic number, I'm not counting on it.
Everyone in my family has heart problems. My dad had more stents than I can remember, and I thought his last major heart attack in 2022 was going to be the one that took him out.
Nope. One year to the day, he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and just over three months later, he was gone. 78 years old.
I had a core group of friends through high school. Most of them are dead already. One of my best friends, who was my age, died three years ago. So I'm well aware that it can all end at any point in time, and it's out of my control. And I'm fine with that.
I live my life and don't worry about things I can't control. Maybe I'll make it past 80. Maybe I won't.
WarpFactorNin9@reddit
Two of my best friends from high school are already gone. One was in his 40s died by suicide post the Covid economic misery. The other died in a road accident in his 30s.
I am approaching my 50s and I have already resigned to fate, when it comes it comes.
hanumanCT@reddit
My late teens to early 20s was at the height of the opiod epidemic in Connecticut which had particulary high addiction and mortality rates. I think by the time I was 25 I had been to well over 20 funerals of high school friends who had perished from overdoses, could have been more, its actually quite painful to count. Some were also car accidents too. One that hit me real hard was my best friend drowning, not drug or alcohol or car accident related, totally an outlier. Life is weird, some people can reach their 40s without experiencing death, others are surrounded by it. Never did it desisnsitized me, honestly made me appreciate life more and even more of a sap.
brookish@reddit
Dude turn all the dead malls into senior housing communities for us. Black lights and skating in the halls and punk rock and Orange Julius.
PaddlesOwnCanoe@reddit
And glow in the dark putt-putt!
thatguygreg@reddit
I was a spectacularly weird as a kid. I still am, too. No reason to believe I won't be as I get older.
PaddlesOwnCanoe@reddit
Me too. I hope my nursing home does a Mystery Science Theater 3000 film festival
linuxgeekmama@reddit
I’m on the autism spectrum. I can’t be any other way. If I try to not be weird, I fail spectacularly. I have embraced it, because what else am I going to do?
PaddlesOwnCanoe@reddit
As soon as I stop being a civil servant I will become your customer!
feelingmyage@reddit
My grandparents were 89, 90, 91, and 92. I don’t necessarily feel like I will live a long time because they did. It is really hard to just not think about it sometimes. I just try and make every day as good as I can. But I know it’s still scary.
naf0007@reddit
Yea it doesnt mean anything really. My grandmother was 99 but my mum died suddenly at 72 . I thought id have her with me for years more to come . Never even considered anything else , but then got a big shock and it messed me up a lot tbh.
feelingmyage@reddit
I’m sorry about your mum.
naf0007@reddit
Thank you : )
Amazing_Pie_6467@reddit
My father died when I was19 and he was 43 of a major heart attack then each his brothers died within a year of his heart attack of heart attack (3). My grandmother died yhe same year.
I didnt expext to live past 45.
Time-Soup-8924@reddit
Neither did I, but here I am far older than my dad ever became.
Their story is not our story.
Bubba_Phet@reddit
I, for one, am full out picking up various hard drug habits when I hit 65-70. I am not at skl sure sny drug dealers would even deal with a man of that age, but by God I'm going to try.
katybear16@reddit
Throw in some farm animals and a few dogs and it sounds like a perfect plan. For me anyways.
Plenty_Unit9540@reddit
My grandparents lived to be older than my parents did.
Well, on my mother’s side. My father’s side both grandparents died of things other than old age. But I knew my great great grandparents and my great great great grandmother on that side. I was old enough to remember her 100th birthday.
Voivode71@reddit
You could add a little place for some mushrooms, too! What the heck, you'll be 60!
Time-Soup-8924@reddit
🤘
spitfish@reddit
Those that survived the horrors of their childhood were made from hardier stock.
mawky_jp@reddit
The year my mother died -11 days short of 86- 4 other ladies died from the small street I grew up on. They all had adult children my age. Death was rare before then but I guess they were all late 70s to mid 80s. I always thought I wouldn't cope if I lost my mother but having my own family helped.
Bundtcakedisaster@reddit
As soon as you’re born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time.
stickybond009@reddit
And reborn before you die. That's why the trinity of brahma Vishnu Mahesh, always in a circle
Bundtcakedisaster@reddit
That is a little more deep than I was going. I was just quoting the timeless philosophy of the band Cake.
LayerNo3634@reddit
Last family reunion, we were watching our kids/nieces/nephews wrangle kids and realized it wasn't that long ago it was us. We are now the grandparents and the next to die.
Can also say when we're enjoying the little ones and they need a diaper change or start fussing, we just hand them back to their parents. Taught us why our parents were always so happy at these events!
Ok_Strategy6978@reddit
My dad almost died a couple years back has recovered but has had health issues. It hit me hard. Has made me very bland to the world. We are luck to have had some extra time but my parents are extremely extremely close to me and my affairs for the better. Shit like this makes me want to chain smoke and go back to hard drugs. It’s too painful. Seen so many friends lose their parents afterwards they seem so voided and fill the gaps with vacations. To me it makes work taxes giving a shit so much harder. The sands of the hour glass move faster and faster
dalex_601@reddit
We went to sleep and woke up old.
thisTexanguy@reddit
Speak for yourself, I intend to live forever.
Commercial_Wind8212@reddit
so what. everyone dies.
PaddlesOwnCanoe@reddit
I know what you mean. My folks are still alive but they've gotten frail and they make me think of my own mortality. I love them both dearly and I will be devastated when they go, especially my Mom.
Gamma_Chad@reddit
My grandparents lived to be 102, 98 and 97. When I get the sense of dread like this that I'm on the downward slope, I remember, "Hey, Grandma Mary lived to 102 and had 101.5 years of a pretty damn good life... I'm 50 years from that... or if I do the math backwards, I'm essentially 2 years old on the chart between me and 102."
As a VERY pessimistic Gen Xer, that's given me some comfort and an impetus to really get healthy and "store health" so when I'm 90, I'm still hiking and darting around like someone younger. I highly recommend the book "Outlive: The Science and Art of Longevity" by Dr. Peter Attia. There's some startling truths and ways to combat age in there.
ZephRyder@reddit
My dad died last year as well.
That and other things have brought me to where I am now: quite nearly completely out of fucks. I don't know exactly how many years I have left, but far fewer than are behind me. So, I'm going to do what I can to find peace and quiet.
S1159P@reddit
I hear you.
This may sound weird, but I swear to God that I'm not trivializing the situation.
I had a friend who had pancreatic cancer who was (understandably!) so so so so so upset about his impending death. He participated in a trial of using psilocybin with a therapist. He... I don't know how to put it, he just got past that fear somehow? He felt all his feelings and then, he just had some shift towards acceptance of the situation. It let him really live his remaining days.
If I am ever really unable to stand the feelings about my upcoming death, I'm planning on seeking a similar experience. If it feels unendurable, maybe that's an idea to keep in your back pocket, I dunno.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Id never heard of this, but upon googling, turns out you’re absolutely right: ”Psilocybin is currently being investigated for its potential medical uses, particularly in the treatment of: anxiety, depression, addiction, and end-of-life anxiety.” That’s amazing. I will definitely keep this in mind. Thank you!
S1159P@reddit
I just find it comforting to think that I don't have to be grown up enough to get my brain to a mature sense of perspective - there's help to do it :) I'm not all that grown up, even now. Don't feel it anyway.
CookinCheap@reddit
I was born the youngest, to older patents. As such, I never related to "gen x". My dad died when I was 20, at 56 years old. My ma died at 85 after I took responsibility for her for decades, despite absent older siblings.
libbuge@reddit
It's kind of a relief to me, to be honest.
TheWanker69@reddit
I'm 54. My parents died through addictions, Dad at 69 to smoking, Mom at 67 to alcohol (and maybe pills). I do neither, and so I instead look to my uncles (Dad's brothers) and aunts (Mom's sisters) who are now approaching their 80s and will active and enjoying life. I like to think I have thirty years left, but am retiring soon so I can live like I don't.
Lower-Constant-3889@reddit
The saddest thing about both my parents dying is that I was working my ass off, 12-16 hr days, and never really got to spend time with them. I moved away when I was 18. That’s my regret that I can’t get over. Now my grown kids are doing it too. They live close but I barely see them. Reminds me of the song cat’s in the cradle .
Fozziebear71@reddit
One of the greatest gifts my parents gave to me was introducing me to Christ. Both of my parents are still alive (in their late 70's) but as a result of the gift they gave me, I don't fear them passing away nor do I fear passing away one day. I know that it will be devastating to me when they do pass, but I will also have comfort because I know that I will see them again.
stickybond009@reddit
Logs of wood floating in an ocean.... Can't meet again sorry
Fozziebear71@reddit
Have no idea what that even means…
stickybond009@reddit
It means we meet our loved ones here in this life (randomly?) for a brief period while alive and that's it, there is no such meeting post our deaths.
Fozziebear71@reddit
Sorry you believe that. Good luck to you.
MajoriteSilencieuse@reddit
My mom passed in 2010 and my dad in 2018.
The only thing that worried me about my own death is leaving my wife and kids without my support. Now that I also sadly lost a kid to cancer (and believe me when I say that's a fucking traumatic experience that will haunt you for the rest of your days), I'm not afraid anymore. I will just be relieved when that happens.
Death, sadly, is a part of life.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Oh, I can’t even imagine that pain. I’m very sorry for your loss.
MajoriteSilencieuse@reddit
Thank you
smh1993@reddit
I recommend staring at the sun by Irvin yalom if you have an interest in reading to contextualize/work through some of these feelings.
They're very valid. Hugs ❤️
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
I do. I’ll look for it. Thank you!
PondoSinatra9Beltan6@reddit
i know exactly how you feel. My mom, who was my last living family, died going on two years ago. I still have flashbacks and nightmares about that time. and now, when i look at how much time I have left, I have a hard time thinking anything matters
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Hugs to you.
PondoSinatra9Beltan6@reddit
Thank you
MachineParadox@reddit
Man my friends are already dying.
mzeb75@reddit
Yup. This has occurred to me quite a bit the last couple years. It sucks.
harmlessgrey@reddit
I am actually relieved that my parents have both passed.
Eldercare and end-of-life issues are hugely difficult to deal with. I loved them both, but am savoring the freedom I now have.
GeorgianGold@reddit
Just would like to say I am very sorry to read what you are going through. Perhaps when you have time, you might be interested in reading, or watching on YouTube a few videos on "Intelligent Design" It is a theory supported by some great minds, including scientists, who believe that this world is too complicated to have been created through chance.
Wonderful-Duck-6428@reddit
That’s anti science bs
GeorgianGold@reddit
Tell that to the Nobel prize winning scientists Charles Townes, Brian Josephson and Gwehard Erti. Who all support Intelligent Design
sixtyfoursqrs@reddit
Father 2018 Mom 2022 Brother 2024
It’s still hard, not a day goes by that I don’t think of them. Think I’ll go have a cry now.
wcfritz@reddit
Nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
circles_squares@reddit
Yep. Straight to the front of the line. A really good mushroom trip put an end to my fear of dying though.
Banded_Watermelon@reddit
Do the things that you want to do, don’t put it off until retirement or later if you can. My own dad died at 58, and had spent years fantasizing about what he was going to do when he retired. He never did those things, and it haunts me that he died so stressed and unhappy, dreaming of “someday”. I swore I’d never let that be me, and yet I’m doing that right now. Gotta do something about it.
Little_Rub6327@reddit
My mom died a few years ago and I feel this so much exactly. Also now I can see/consider my things as they will exist only to be sorted through and redistributed after I’m gone which is so surreal.
cl0ckw0rkman@reddit
My parents are healthy and living well. Dad is part of the, Silent Generation. Mother is part of the Boomers.
I too have always felt this.
I also don't like hearing how old my older sister is. It is one of the few things that makes my age "real".
Grigori_the_Lemur@reddit
That's the spirit!
Grigori_the_Lemur@reddit
That's the spirit!
Old_fart5070@reddit
When I was at my dad’s deathbed and traveled back to my hometown, a lot of people I had not seen for several years reached out. While I was having a coffee with one of them, it dawned on both of us: last time we spoke it was 1991 - if we will let the same amount of time pass before we do it again, we will likely be both gone.
Extra_Teach6308@reddit
I feel you, I'm now the 3rd oldest in my entire family! There's 2 aunts and then me...Crazy.
despicable-coffin@reddit
!!!
Miss-Indie-Cisive@reddit
My dad got sick at 51, died at 54. Ive always known i was not going to make it very long in this life.
BlackOnyx1906@reddit
F… this depressing shit
tepid_fuzz@reddit
Dude… stop reading my mind and shut up about this. Fack
WhoWhattedWho@reddit
You just wrote down my constant loop of thoughts… thank you! I’m pretending that I’m ok from the passing of my lager than life dad, because, that seems to be what is expected of me, but, nothing will ever be right again… and while my heart breaks for you - it has also healed a little knowing that it’s not the only heart beating just because it has too. Much love to you my friend 🥹
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
It’s quite astounding how many of us are carrying deep trauma from a parent passing. I’m so glad I wrote the post. It really helps not being alone.
stickybond009@reddit
Yes I lost mine in 2021 but I still....
WhoWhattedWho@reddit
Thank you. I’m glad you wrote it too, but very sorry that you have it to write about 💞
stickybond009@reddit
Hey do you wanna be immortal if you could? And do what exactly?
izzieBean8@reddit
Both of my parents have passed. 2011 and 2015. I always feel alone no matter what now. My husband has watched me change after their deaths. My oldest of my two brothers also passed in 2021. Almost my entire immediate family is gone. So I will always feel alone at the core of my being.
slippedintherain@reddit
My parents have also passed. I’m an only child, single with no kids. I feel extremely alone.
CatLady7423@reddit
We are in the same boat, unfortunately. Slowly turning into one of those proverbial "cat ladies".
izzieBean8@reddit
I have no children either.
runninggirl9589@reddit
I feel like I’ve totally changed too. Buried my dad and 3 brothers. It’s just my mom and me for the most part, and I’m her caregiver. I’ll feel alone, even when I’m not. It’s hard to remember what it felt like to be joyful.
BraveG365@reddit
Your post really got me thinking about my situation. I was my mother's full time care giver for the past 10 yrs since she had dementia and she passed away a few months ago. When being a family members caregiver you really grow close to them and get a strong bond.
When you say that it's hard to remember what it felt like to be joyful I know where that is coming from....since my moms death I just seem to wake up every day and go about my routine but with no real joy like I use to when she was alive...the thing that scares me is knowing that I am now the last of my family and was never married or had kids....so the next 30 or 40 year will not really be joyful it will just be doing what I have to to get through life till my last day on this planet.
DramaticErraticism@reddit
That is sad to hear, I never thought having 'bad' parents was a blessing in any way. When my parents pass, I won't feel any less alone than I have my entire life. I will probably feel more peace, if anything.
The benefits of having bad parents, is you don't feel their loss, as there is nothing to really feel the loss, of. I suppose that is one positive for me.
trpclshrk@reddit
That’s kinda how I feel after my mom passed, about half a decade ago. It still feels like she’s just been gone. My dad is good, but he’s just struggling to live every day like me. He was great when I was growing up, but he’s kinda…abrasive as an older man. My mom was comfort and hugs and safety. I knew I had a shelter from life with her. Ironically, she grew up dirt poor and never really had much. My dad was the provider, but medical costs (helicopter emergency especially) just ate through more money than he could make. I guess the monthly prescriptions and endless co-pays were the real weekly eaters. He lives with my sister now and is a little odd. We hug and are fairly close, but I just don’t feel any safe anchor in life with him, beyond if I had a weird run out of gas or need a ride emergency.
My wife is cool, but that kinda love just isn’t the same. My best hope is my son loves me like I loved my parents, or anywhere near how I love him. He does seem to, but he’s only a teen right now
honeybadgess@reddit
That's interesting cause I often thought that sure other folks would love their spouse the most anyways and the parents maybe weren't that important to them. I'm an only child with not many relatives and although my spouse is lovely, my parents feel like some safe haven to me I'd miss a lot.
trpclshrk@reddit
I think it’s true for a lot of folks. A lot of folks have shitty parents, too. I think my wife does…maybe used to(?)…think of me that way. But I’ve been pretty rock solid in our marriage. She’s told me to “get out” “she’s done” “she’s going to find a boyfriend” dozens of times. It’s certainly exponentially better than it used to be. It started from about years 2-10 in our marriage. Since then, with medication, she’s much more chill. But it took a toll. I just see my mom as the only person I felt like would always be there for me anyway she mostly could. Not much financially, and if I’m being honest, she was a little lazy (I’m being incredibly objective). But a meal, a kind shoulder, a bed if she had one - it was there. And it felt like I had all the time in the world to take talking to her. She never seemed irritated or bored with me. That’s the way I feel and hope I seem to my son. My dad is absolutely the “I’m stranded” person to call. My mom wasn’t driving in the middle of the night to get me. But she’d send someone if she could (it happened as a teen).
I just feel like, after 4+ decades of failed relationships and 1 ok marriage that is ongoing, partners are usually not completely dependable. I’d try to be. But never over my kids. I’d put my wife in a similar vein as my parents or sister though.
honeybadgess@reddit
Interesting! I hope your kid will always love you as much as you love him!
highsinthe70s@reddit
My brother and I are the only ones left in my family. Both parents were only children, so no close relatives at all. And neither brother nor I have kids. So we are it. I often think what life will be like if I survive him. I expect it to be quite solitary. I often find solace in knowing that everyone in my family passed in the expected order. No premature or unexpected deaths.
I am not unafraid of death but a bit of perspective can lighten the mental load.
amy_lou_who@reddit
I lost my mom 16 years ago and my dad 4 years ago. The gut punch was when my husband died in October at 44. That wasn’t supposed to happen???
Alive-OVERTIIME-247@reddit
I just lost my dad a year ago so I can empathize. My sister died the year before that and now all I have left is my mom, my uncle and some second and third cousins. I am the end of the line and that freaks me out a lot.
STODracula@reddit
I had a classmate drop dead after a day of work in his early 30s. Two more taken away by throat cancer (no drinking or smoking). One in his 30s after a 2nd bout and the other in his 40s had “recovered” only for it to come back with a vengeance and kill him a month later. All this to say, enjoy every day of your lives because you never know.
Cleverwabbit5@reddit
I am so sorry for your loss. Seeing the ones you love suffering is so hard and unfair. I am not afraid of dying, honestly I have no retirement so I am good to go anytime, my real fear is illness, not being independent and in the streets, I don't have anyone who will "take care" of me and I have been trying to find a job for over a year with no luck. I don't want to be old feeble and destitute. Seeing the dismantling of everything happening, Medicare will be gone and SSN too, so no one is gonna care about Gen X. Unless all of you that have kids teach them to care about older folks and other people we are screwed.
overmonk@reddit
My parents were 16 years apart in age, and my dad died in 2006 at almost 80 - I was 36. Arguably, that's a grown ass man, but it hit me like I was a little boy. My daddy died.
He had bladder cancer and COPD, but he wasn't declining quickly, just sort of inevitably. A little slower at this, needs a rest for that. His mind was sharp and he was enjoying his days. He had to get transfusions periodically, as the treatments for the bladder cancer had left him with some bleeding. He would get anemic and weak. On this occasion, however, he didn't really bounce back from the transfusion, and the docs ran their tests. They found a new diagnosis of an aggressive bone marrow cancer. His red blood cells were malformed and they weren't carrying enough oxygen.
"Well that's it then." He said that out loud. We got home and got him upstairs, and then the next day he had an appointment with his regular doc, but he was so weak - I had to carry him to the car. His doc took one look at him, took my mom out into the hall, and said he could die today; you need to call hospice.
Sooo we did. Hospice was wonderfully kind to us, but it bothered the hell of me that we were to give my dad liquid valium and morphine, to keep him calm and quiet, so he could get on with dying. It was Mom and I at the house - my sister lives close to Mom. Dad was a little fitful as the evening drew near, and then he said the last words I heard from him "Time to Go!" Not to me, not to mom. He wasn't looking at us; his eyes were closed. He settled down.
Mom took the first vigil; I was going to get four hours sleep and take over his medication duties. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep at all. Instead I was plunged into the most vivid dream, a kind I've had only a very few times in my life. And Dad was there, and he was looking at me, and he looked worried. There was a bright light behind him, but he was looking at me. And I said Dad, go - you have to go. I'm ok - I'll be ok, but don't stay here for me.
And Mom woke me up and he had died.
I am not religious. But I believe there is something more, and I believe I saw it, and I believe it like it's a fact. It's beyond faith; it feels known to me.
And I haven't been afraid to die since. Not looking forward to it. In no hurry. But when it happens, I don't think I'll be afraid. I hope I get the light too.
WhoWhattedWho@reddit
Heartbreakingly beautiful. Much love to you and your dad, who is reading this over your shoulder 💞
ScatterOLight22@reddit
Oof.... This was probably a bad idea to read this while at work. Thanks for sharing this story. I'm sorry for your loss. Sending you virtual hugs.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
This made me cry. It’s both beautiful and heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing this.
overmonk@reddit
I’m happy it resonates with you. I cry when I share it too. Grief is a motherfucker. It’s like getting hit by a truck - do you go limp? Do you tense up? Does it matter?
And you don’t really get over it. You learn how to live with a hole in your heart.
❤️ to you stranger.
TakingItPeasy@reddit
I for one welcome sweet sweet embrace of death.
Budget-Rub3434@reddit
My parents are still fairly healthy (they are young boomers) but I’ve had lupus for going on 15 years. I was hoping to make it to 60 at least but now 60 is looking awfully near…
Wartstench@reddit
GeneXt
caedo12@reddit
"Like sands through the hourglass…"
zabacam@reddit
Really sorry for your loss. And yes, we are the next in line. I had a similar experience last fall when my Uncle, the second youngest on my Dad’s side, passed. His health declined over about two years and the last time I saw him a week before he died he didn’t know who I was. While serving as one of his pallbearers, I felt the weight on my heart that I would be doing this again for my aunts and other uncles and soon, for both of my parents.
And then my wife, brother, friends are next.
LivingGhost371@reddit
Yeah, what really gets me is that I don't have my own family younger than me, haven't made connections with extended family younger than me, and my own and extended family over is slipping away. I remember many Christmases spent as a kid in my father's hometown, and now I only know one person there whose in her 80s. I live with my sister whose also child-free and aside from my mother whose losing her voice to ataxia that's it.
I really don't want to be the person that is finally found when the mailman notices no one has collected mail for a week, but it looks like that may be my destiny.
No-Chocolate5451@reddit
You’re so NOT alone!! My dad died from Covid in 2022 & weeks lost my mom a month ago to Lewy Body Dementia…..my own mortality is front of mind. That said….I beat breast cancer 10 years ago & my whole mind set changed. I’m struggling to merge all the feelings & I can’t. I’m with you!!
stephenforbes@reddit
My father passed away 2 years ago and I can fully relate. It was a total shock to my system. I was depressed a good year over it until things started to return back to normal but of course without him now. It made me realize how short life is and while I still have my mom she is frail now with numerous health issues so I am not sure for how much longer.
Our generation is the new boomer generation in society now and the last link to the way things were in the previous century. We are the oldest yet still young enough to be productive in life generation left. Most Boomers are history or a former shell of themselves now. It's all a very big eye opening realization when you really stop to think about it. I Almost feel like I am just waiting for my time now but I haven't given up the fight to live each day the best way I am able to meanwhile. I'm not ready to throw in the towel just yet.
FloridaGirlMary@reddit
Death comes for us all eventually. My grandma was 400 pounds and lived to be 89 years old. My dad was fit and healthy and dropped dead at 60 from a heart attack one morning. 🤷♀️
WhoWhattedWho@reddit
Right… that’s it! I’m off to eat the cake!!
StopLookListenDecide@reddit
Females in my family live until their 90’s and mostly in good health/faculties. My dad passed complications from Type 1. Feel pretty good about me and work on being active in my 50’s. My cousin passed last week, that is the one that brought mortality home. It does happen, our affairs aren’t in order. This wasn’t expected, is anyone ready or think it will be them? Reality slap
In_The_End_63@reddit
Dad died young (mid late 70s) vs general genetic longevity trend. A novel pathogen (pre-COVID ... so we think ... was the early '10s) took him. Mom is about to hit 90s. Her side has had some near 100.
ScatterOLight22@reddit
I've been worried about death and dying since my late teens. Probably not a good thing to do but I think about it alot. We're here and then we're not. It's hard to fathom. I lost my dad to lung cancer back in 2021. He didn't want to tell anyone what he was going through. It was also horrible that this was during COVID. It was a rough time. We didn't have the best relationship when I was in my teens but in my later years he mellowed out. I miss him everyday. Sorry for rambling on. Sending you love and light!
Autumn_Forest_Mist@reddit
I lost both of parents and paternal grandma in my 20s. Both maternal grandparents in my early 30. (Paternal grandpa died before I was born.) My best friend died suddenly when I was 41.
Death is an A-HOLE
CarnivorousChicken@reddit
coming to terms with your/our mortality is what makes life so precious, the understanding that any of us could go at any time is scary to think of but you come to accept it and become more appreciative of life and the people who matter around you. I feel that, ultimately, it's not that you are going to die that's most important its how.
NorraVavare@reddit
I have zero fear of death and every single one of my loved ones to die of old age or serious illness were ready to go. I have some horrible medical issues and while waiting for surgery from the worst, I was so incredibly tired I just wanted it to end... didn't care how at that point. I'm glad for my kid I'm still here, but not for me.
Recynd2@reddit
So I’m not alone in longing for death?
DenseTime2100@reddit
Tbh, I’m sort of looking forward to it. I’m so done with this merely existing bullshit. In our lifetime, we’ve watched the world slide into the fetid waking nightmare of being held hostage by the absolute stupidest people in recorded history. It just really feels like we’ll never get back to being able to enjoy life ever again.
The future isn’t really looking that attractive either. If I read one more think piece about how AI will render humans obsolete, and the cannibal corporatocracy that’s cheering for it, I just might check out sooner. I don’t want to be around to become dog chow for the machines.
Apprehensive_Use1906@reddit
I’m with you my friend. Sorry for your loss. My dad passed from a heart attack last year. He had a good life but he was a lot more obsessed about his health than I am. His passing mostly got me thinking about how I need to get rid of my stuff. Also get my life/finances organized so my wife doesn’t have to deal with what my Mom had to deal with. Mentally I prepared myself as best as I could but I still have dreams about talking to and will randomly think about needing to talk to him. One day at a time.
Stigger32@reddit
Well yes. That’s how life goes… 🤔
Born. Age. Die.
lisanstan@reddit
When I turned 51, I was obsessed with my mortality. All I could think about was that I had less life ahead of me than behind me. Why that didn't hit in my early 40s? I still felt young and another forty years was a lot of time. Now I'm turning 60 next month, and while I still do the mental math on the odds I'll be alive for a future event, I no longer obsess. I've made my peace with it, not that I don't wish to have more time if I'm feeling good. My biggest fear now is a long drawn out death from some painfully debilitating disease.
Scammy100@reddit
We are next up to bat.
thecatlikescheese@reddit
I also went through this phrase of realisation. Mijn husband and I are both X, and our parents have all passed. We are both mostly the youngest (I have one sibling under me, three above), and my husband has already lost his eldest sister.
It is scary. When we met, the world was at our feet, and now we are slowly nearing to be the oldest generation alive once the boomers fall off, which they have started doing.
Cantech667@reddit
I’m sorry you lost your dad. I lost both of my parents in 2023, at 82 and 86. I’m 58. My mom died a two month decline, and my dad was granted, a medically assisted death eight months later. He had been suffering from cancer, had other health issues, and had started to show signs of dementia. I was with both of them when they passed. As the eldest child, I dealt with my grief, as well as supporting my siblings and their families, and all of the work that comes with being the executor of their estates.
I never thought of my parents as a shield, but I get that. Both of my parents came from big families, and many of my aunts and uncles are going to pass away in the next few years. I lost an uncle, my dad‘s oldest brother, Just over a month ago.
Like you, I’m an atheist. Well I’m not scared of death, I am scared of suffering, and being alone dealing with a difficult end. I’m divorced, single, and I don’t have any kids. My health is decent enough, I’m retiring soon, and I wonder how many good years I have left.
Maybe the intensity of your feelings will listen as time goes on, and your dad‘s death isn’t so impactful, so to speak. Despite my loss and grief, I’ve come to celebrate the lives of my parents, and I’m grateful for the time I’ve had with them. I also believe that death is part of the cycle of life, and no one gets out of here alive.
I can be prone to worry, but I remind myself, as I’ll remind you, that all we can handle is today. All we can enjoy and worry about is today. As for what comes next, that’s unknown, and all we can do is face the future, bravely, with gratitude, and putting our best foot forward. Enjoy whatever you can out of life, and take things one day at a time. All the best.
Kimba26@reddit
Honestly I've almost died a couple of times already and I'm okay with it. Every day is a gift. Who am I to say how many are left in the bag. I'm less worried about myself than my dad. He's 82 and its hard to imagine not being able to pick up the phone and talk to him. He's planning a road trip to Branson MO next month., though, so he's doing pretty well.
Practice-Prudent@reddit
I don't think it's really relevant that you're an atheist. Pain is pain. I'm not an atheist but I related to every word you said about your dad cuz I felt the same way but I've never heard anybody describe it so well. I was so "death tuned" I didn't wanna buy anything, like, what's the point? I'm gonna die! Some of that is just depression or grief or combo. Over time, as the death becomes distant through time passing, you will recover into a new wisdom about life. But there are times when life seems flat without Mom and Dad, that's when the good memories can take over. So sorry for your loss....it does get better. Take good care of yourself.
MisMelis@reddit
You just simply cannot "get your shit together" what you've done is made this a major focus. I can totally relate. Losing my mom is one of my worst fears. I also have been blessed to have not experienced a lot of deaths in my circle so I think that it will be even more devastating for me when that time finally comes.
I, like you, was thinking about this a lot. Then I thought to myself "why am I mourning the inevitable death of my mother while she is still living?" which led me to thinking that I should, instead, be spending as much time with her as I possibly can, while she is still here on Earth.
For me, the worst place is to be stuck in my thoughts. I read something once that stuck with me that went like this, "Worrying doubles your troubles." Worrying about something that hasn't even happened yet causes unnecessary stress that literally makes us physically ill. The body reacts to emotions and vice versa. Also, who ever is around us whether it be family members or friends, definitely feel your stress in one way or another.
My sincere advice to you is to spend as much time as you possibly can with your parents. Tell them how much you love them and appreciate all that they have done that has impacted you in a positive way.
Keep busy. Play positive music, listen to a podcast or read a book. Anything that will keep you out of your head. 😊
AtomicHurricaneBob@reddit
Well, that's a cheery fucking thought!
GrumpySnarf@reddit
You just need ~~Jesus~~ ketamine
MotherFuckinEeyore@reddit
Dry_Sherbert1953@reddit
I think you are having a wonderful conversation with yourself, healthy, heavy, yours. But please start at the begining which is that each and everyone is going to die. It's a given a timeless line but it does have an end.
you read all that stuff in the paper about somebody getting killed in a car wreck, lightning, drowning, doesn't matter what age, but it happens, could be tomorrow, could be 3000 tomorrows.
That narrows the conversation, to do you spend your tomorrows worrying about something you have little control over or are you going to spend your tomorrows living. Send Pics
GratefulDadHead@reddit
Worrying is frittering away time. Cheat death by making the most of what you've got.
Intelligent_Gur_5253@reddit
I can relate. Losing a parent is one of the hardest events we will experience in our life. I became super protective and paranoid about losing my mother after my dad passed. I was consumed with thoughts. I had to go on Lexapro. It helped to deal with my anxiety.
PricklyPearJuiceBox@reddit
My father expressed something very similar to me when his dad, my grandfather, died. He said, “I suppose I’m next.” My reaction was almost a visceral denial - no! Not you, Dad.
But yeah. Him. Then me.
OG-BigMilky@reddit
Mine were never a shield. More like a drain.
Lucky you.
breesha03@reddit
I know exactly what you're going through, and I'm sorry. I lost my dad 6 years ago and I still cry every time I think about him. The idea of my own mortality consumes me, too. So many people talk about how good their retirement years are and I hope that's the case for me, but I likely won't ever be able to retire. In fact, I just can't see that far into my own future, which scares me.
I wish you the best, OP. I hope you find happiness and healing.
No-Win-2741@reddit
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who cries every time they think about their dad. My dad died 3 years ago and my life changed for the worst. It has nothing to do with my own mortality, because I've been dealing with that since like my 30s. For me it's that I lost my human. The only person who ever truly advocated for me during my lifetime. He was the only person who was really proud of literally everything I did.
And don't feel bad about your retirement. My whole retirement plan is, literally, to win the lottery. I will work until 5 minutes after they spread my ashes. It is what it is for us but please know you're not alone.
breesha03@reddit
I’m so sorry about your dad. Dads really are the best, and I’m so sad that ours are no longer with us. I’m praying we see them again. ❤️
No-Win-2741@reddit
My dad his spirit is always around. And, quite honestly, it feels kind of invasive at times. But I can't wait to see him again. I just can't wait to feel his arms around me again I miss him so much.
breesha03@reddit
This made me tear up. I’m so happy he’s with you always!
BraveG365@reddit
Why wont you ever be able to retire?
Tammie621@reddit
I'm not afraid of death. I'm afraid of living without my dad who died in October. I'm torn with making each day count and wanting to just be with him.
n00dl3s54@reddit
Yep. I get it. Lost my pops back somewhere around 97 ish. Brains foggy on about ten years this being near the end of it. Long story short, never saw him much, and every time I reached out, it’d be ok then he’d slip off again. Never failed. Hurt like hell when he passed. Manage to have a life, kids, divorce in 12’, give her the house, keep the 401. Have the kids poisoned to me. Bankruptcy. Start over. Completely. To today. Have a condo, good car, good credit, fiance’ who is straight up ride or die for me. Life’s good. Lost mom 10 months ago. I managed to gain two titles: Orphan, AND Only adult in the room. Fiancé carried my dopey ass through it all. Still not done a year later from shit my head just can’t get through. Need help n dunno who what where. So I plod on as usual, doing what we’ve ALWAYS done. Big ol bong rip n let’s see what we can do. Is what it is at this point. Truth be told, I’ve been staring out the retirement window for quite some time now. And maybe. Just maybe, we’ll be able to pull this plug in five years. Gotta live to be ALIVE! I’m just doing what I gotta n can till I get there.
MsAddams999@reddit
My parents have both been gone for a while. Mom first at not even 60 then Dad at 90. Both times their deaths shook me and made me realize how old I was getting. Especially Dad because I had to take care of him the last decade. I've nearly ended up dead myself so many times that I realize that it's unlikely I'm going to live that long. I might have another 15 years if I'm lucky. That's just reality.
I'm not scared of being dead. I am scared of dying painfully. I'm a firm believer in the right to die as I choose. If I get really ill, as in cancer I'll, I'm not going to sit there and suffer till I die. I already have a DNR order with my hospital and on my medic alert bracelet. I do not want to end up like my Mom being kept alive by machines.
I suffer a lot from a chronic illness. I've really been through it this life. If I'm having a stroke or heart attack or I've got cancer that's likely to kill me anyway then just let me go. Everybody I've ever loved practically they're already gone from this Earth. I've got no particular reason to hang around struggling with anything more than what I've already got. I'm not doing chemo and radiation just to hopefully add a few more years.
I'm trying to enjoy the time I have left but my illness thing it really limits me. I just don't care to live much past 75 anyway. I've seen that with Dad and a few other people. There's nothing about 80, 90 that I'm particularly into experiencing. Being that geriatric is highly overrated I think.
Yeah we are next. Every day I wake up I'm surprised I'm still here...
BrotherWoodrow_@reddit
I’m curious: how many of you have wills and have made arrangements for your own burial/cremation?
I just started the process. I’m 56, so it feels like past the time to have done it. Is anyone hesitant? It’s actually comforting once you’ve faced reality head-on and moved past it.
LifeResetP90X3@reddit
Hmmmmm..... varying perspectives are so interesting to me. Both my parents are alive (as far as I know anyways) but I'm no-contact with both of them because they're horrible, abusive people that caused nothing but harm in my life. So in my mind and heart, they died a while ago, and I already went through the grief process with that. but it never occurred to me that I'm the next one to die now in my estranged family.
I'm in my mid-40s, and most of my existential dread comes from the fact that I also left high control religion/Christianity behind, so now I have no formal belief system that defines what the afterlife might or might not be like. At this point I'm just afraid of dying alone with no friends or family with me, and that there's no afterlife after all. It's a possible future reality that I have no control over (after all no one really knows if there's an afterlife and no one can control whether there is or not) but it still scares the shit out of me.
Bulky_Influence_4914@reddit
My parents died, and it's been a fucking relief. Sorry .... glad I don't have to maintenance those two anymore. I'm ok that I'm next on the chopping block. Oh well.
Bob_12_Pack@reddit
The fucked up part that I hadn’t considered is watching my friends and acquaintances die-off. Just lost another one a couple of days ago, childhood friend gone at 53.
Dazzling-Flight-9643@reddit
I’ve lost both of my parents and feel “un-anchored” if that makes sense? All can think of is now I’m an orphan. I have younger siblings and since I’m the oldest I’m now the keeper of the family memories and it’s a heavy burden. I miss them more than words can say. 5 yrs for my mom and 18 months for my dad and the grief I carry is heavy
quarterinchseams@reddit
Yep, me too. I’m an only child and lost my last parent just six weeks ago. I definitely feel untethered. It’s a little overwhelming some days.
BrotherWoodrow_@reddit
I read this and was reminded of a quote by George Foreman that I read years ago:
“Losing your mother is the most mysterious lostness. You know how the astronauts walk in space, attached to the spacecraft by a line? The moment you find out your mother’s died, you feel like someone’s slipped the line off the craft. You’re just floating away. Floating... floating... I remember my daughter called and said, “Don’t you worry. I’m on my way.” All the sudden that line snagged and I was anchored again.”
FatHamsterTheDread@reddit
This idea of being the “keeper of memories” for the next generations really resonates for me too. The idea that I am now the elder generation and the repository of all family wisdom is crazy. Really? Like I know anything!? Scary stuff.
MysticJellyfish@reddit
I have that un-anchored feeling too. My mom passed several years ago, my dad has not been a part of my life and my remaining family members are few and out of state. My son is disabled and I realize that the family memories, traditions, etc.. end with me and I also need to figure out how to set up care for my son when I'm gone - which I worry about constantly.
Wide_Fault3135@reddit
Same! Dad 2012, Mom 2023...It's a load on the body for sure! I'm the oldest too and have all the photos etc. I just feel sad all the time!
Responsible_Trash_40@reddit
I’m sorry about your dad. The thing about death is it’s coming for everyone and there is nothing you can do about it. I try to save the stress and worry for things I have some sort of control over. It’s only making it worse to give in to anxiety about it. I know it’s easier said than done and I’m still practicing at it, but it helps me to keep that somewhere in mind. I hope it can help you a little too.
BrotherWoodrow_@reddit
Yep. It’s a certainty the day we’re born. It’s probably overrated as a fear from my personal experience. Not that it isn’t frightening to me but, as you say, why waste the time?
DeepBlueDiariesPod@reddit
Jfc this sub is always so depressing; are there any other Gen X’s out there who don’t hate life with a doom and gloom mindset?
Known-Party-1552@reddit
Both of my parents died at 51 years old. I just turned 51. I'm not well. And this doesn't give me much hope
libginger73@reddit
Pass your love on to your kids and grandkids...keep their memory and legacy alive by passing it on.
cancerface@reddit
Hi, youngest child of Silent Generation parents that had very hard lives, and subsequently have been dead for over twenty years now, here.
It's not something you get over, it something you get used to. I wish you peace of mind and you have my deepest sympathies, not trying to one-up or talk down, or anything like that.
Bad-TXV@reddit
My father passed away a few years ago from pancreatic cancer. It was sudden, he didn’t know he had it, went to sleep under emergency surgery and never woke back up. I think about it every day.
Theomniponteone@reddit
I am sorry for your loss. I was 38 when my 64 year old dad died. It was a sudden widow maker heart attack. It hurt so fucking bad. I am turning 54 this year and I still wish I could call him up and see if he wants to go fishing or just ask a question. The pain dulls with time but never really goes away.
beachlover77@reddit
My father died a little over a week ago and I was having those same thoughts, that we are next. He was 30 when they had me so I figure that I most likely have 30 more years to live, maybe 25 to be healthy enough to enjoy life. This makes me want to go out and do as much as I can now. I want to go out and hike, go to the beach, do stuff with my kids and husband. Maybe even travel eventually. Life is fucking short.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Cool-Group-9471@reddit
Yes
dodadoler@reddit
Circle of life.
newwriter365@reddit
Both my grandmothers lived to 99.5 years of age.
I’m barely “middle aged” at this point.
Turbulent-Leg3678@reddit
Newsflash from the jaded cynical viewpoint of someone that's worked in healthcare for a long time. Everyone dies. Make your mark. Live a full life. Stop worrying about the inevitable.
AnxietyEconomy2679@reddit
I lost my father in 2023 at 79, and my mother in 2024 at 79. Mortality sux.
Over-Kaleidoscope482@reddit
You can’t do this to yourself. It’s not rational. Like you said you have 40 good years and most of them could be the best years of your life. You now have wisdom and hopefully are established
Winter_Day_6836@reddit
Very interesting, I've been struggling with this part of my journey. So much has changed. You look at life differently. Parenting styles have changed. We didn't require the respect from our kids that our parents did! They'd all be grounded life! I watch my grand children and how they parents are raising them. It'll definitely be interesting what happens in this world.
picklepuss13@reddit
My mom has been the only direct bloodline left for almost 10 years now. all my grandparents were dead by 25 and my dad died when I was 35. I'm also an only child so...yeah not many ppl out there.
Tonitagaluci_hot23@reddit
Both my parents and grandparents/ are dead already. I lost my mom when I was 23 years old and she was only 49. Now, at age 48, I am leaving it all out there in every way possible. Living life like there is no tomorrow and loving every minute. Kink rocks
Latinpig66@reddit
Boomers are between us and our parents.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Boomers are our parents.
Latinpig66@reddit
Not really. My siblings are boomers.
mitosis799@reddit
Same. My parents were silent gen and my oldest siblings are boomers.
Latinpig66@reddit
Probably 2/3 of gen x had parents older than Boomers. It started in 65. If you were born in 64 you are a boomer.
t0ky0jb@reddit
Yah. The generations are only 20 years long. (Spoken like a true old person) One of mine is a Boomer the other is a Silent… and I’m a relatively late GenXer.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
I had to check that. So, boomers are 1946 to 1964, and Gen X are broadly between 1961 and 1981. They overlap weirdly. So it really depends on when we were born.
sin686@reddit
I lost both parent last year within 9 months of each other. I feel this as well. Dad had a long fight with cancer and went first. Mom followed nine months later due to heart failure. 70 and 71. This hit me hard. It put such focus on my mortality and how I need to focus on my children because it drove home how little time you truly have.
You are not alone.
Bunny121314@reddit
My heart hurts for you. I lost a very close friend to a car accident just a couple months ago and the shock has not worn off. It was just so sudden. I miss his phone calls and corny jokes. We’d been friends for 32 years. Sending you all the good vibes, hugs, hopes for healing and peace Doll.
mmurphy5221@reddit
Eh, my father was an asshole and died in February. Couldn't be happier...
elijuicyjones@reddit
My parents have been dead for decades.
rolltwomama88@reddit
I’ve lived 10 years longer than my mom did. My daughter died from cervical cancer when she was 33. We just can’t know what’s going to happen or when. I’m ready when it’s my time. I miss them
MooseBlazer@reddit
Mine were both gone by the time I was 37. Thats what smoking can do, and why I dont.
toddpackersux@reddit
I feel this with you. My grandmother died 2 years ago at 98. Her youngest son, my dad, died last summer at 73. I would classify my father as a very healthy man. He quit smoking cigarettes at least 25 years ago, didn't drink, exercised daily.
Voltron1993@reddit
This is why assisted suicide/euthanasia should be federally legalized.
You get to pick the time/place of your passing.
My fucking dog will probably die in a more dignified manner than most of us.
And he deserves it for all the shit he has to put up with.
Enterprise-wide@reddit
Sorry for your loss. I think I understand how you feel. My mother is 91 and her older sister just passed at 93. But I’m an only child and have only known life with my mother. It was just the 2 of us for most of my life until I got married at 40. For most of my life, I have lived in fear of losing her and now it’s just inevitable. I just feel as if I’ll be “cheese stands alone”. Watching my mom age has made me keenly aware of my own mortality. I’ve told my husband and all my friends that I want to be cremated. I have no kids, so there will be no one visiting my grave.
PossessedDirection@reddit
I don't know if you'll see this or if it'll do for you what it has done for me, but how I feel about death is like the quote that has been attributed to Mark Twain.
Hope that helps.
DecrepitHam@reddit
I’m ready
Perfect_Mix9189@reddit
Both my parents are still alive but my daughter died when she was 12 from cancer. Age really doesn't have a lot to do with it sometimes
potatopancakesaregud@reddit
Children, Gen Z and Gen alpha are dying too.
Welcome to life.
raerae1991@reddit
I feel the same way. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer, she was young at 65, that was 12 years ago. Lost my dad to old age and dementia a little over a year ago. And I’ve been struggling with the same thing. My buffer is gone and I realize I am the next generation to go. I still have a kid in highschool. When I was in highschool my grandparents were around and still racing horses and traveling the states.
bgdv378@reddit
John 10:27-30 ESV [27] My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. [28] I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. [29] My Father, who has given them to me,is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. [30] I and the Father are one.”
https://bible.com/bible/59/jhn.10.27-30.ESV
Forsaken_Mix8274@reddit
My mother dying while I was in my 30s did it for me. She didn’t get to enjoy life she was going to when she retired and that day never came. So I just spend every minute I can with my kids and my dog. And pray I got 40 more in me but if not at least I have a great relationship with my 9 kids.
Necrospire@reddit
When your numbers up, your numbers up, enjoy the time you have between all the pain pills 💊 🙃🖖
Zona-85207@reddit
I remember years ago I was in Las Vegas. It was late and I had had a few drinks under my belt. I was walking around and stopped at the coin, pushing machine as I call it, you know, the one where you flip a quarter or a dollar and it lands in the back and there are pushers and if it hits it just right, there’s coins in front of it that might fall off into the tray, and that’s what you win. Anyway, as I stood there watching it, I began to realize a represented life. The new coin that’s flipping to the back represents new baby, ahead of it are siblings, parents, aunts, uncles grandparents, great grandparents, etc. For the longest time that baby coin is well protected many coins ahead of it. But slowly, and surely that baby coin continues to get pushed closer and closer and closer to the edge, in this case the edge is death. And before you know it that baby coin is at the edge all its parents siblings, aunts, uncles grandparents great grandpa grandparents have long since fallen off the edge. But behind it are its children, grandchildren, cousins, nephews, etc. I’m 67 and I only have a coin ahead of me, my mother. So I’m close to that edge and yeah we’re next.
Upper_Rent_176@reddit
When my maternal grandmother died my mother said something along the lines of "Well I'm next in line. It's like a war, they went over the top and we're in the trench waiting to go next".
I remembered her words when she herself passed. Seven years' ago now.
There was always a feeling after she died of "if she can die, anyone can". Although not rational, i never considered my mother dying. She wasn't I'll. She was the first one i would turn to in order to gossip about other people we knew dying. When she herself died I wanted to talk to her about it like she was a third person.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Yes!! I know exactly how that feels. I want to tell my dad about how horrible everything has been, because it’s unfathomable that he left.
king_platypus@reddit
The way I’m playing it is I’m trying to do as many things as I can with friends and family while I’m still relatively healthy. Also ticking off items on the bucket list. And remember: you always know how much money you have but you never know how much time you have.
dragongrl@reddit
My mother and my little sister died about a year and a half ago.
When my 78 year old father goes, I'll be the last member of my family.
It's fucking me up.
Trick-Mechanic8986@reddit
Please do not spook the rest of the herd with profound realizations.
Apprehensive-Ad776@reddit
Man I couldn't have expressed it better if I tried. I feel the EXACT same way and have for a few years now. I'm 55 both parents have been gone 20+ years and sometimes I feel so lost, scared and alone. When I think of my last day, I have found it to be very comforting in knowing I will be seeing everyone I had lost over the years that very day or night. This is what I believe without going into the religious aspect. There is a place that is so awesome and wonderful out there that nobody to date has ever wanted to return here. We come in alone and we go out alone, but just as quick as you pass that threshold into the other realm a party is waiting for you in the biggest of ways. Now I'll say it, believe in Christ and know he sacrificed himself so that there will be a party for you to attend once you enter the unknown. Don't chance it by refusing to believe, because if you are a non believer and leave this earth tonight (we never know) there is no redos, you will be heading somewhere where you won't see friends or family EVER again and you won't be attending a beautiful party. Sorry if this offended anyone I really believe what I'm saying and like GOD want everyone to be at the party 🎉 🎉 🎉.
DramaticErraticism@reddit
You lost both of your parents in your mid 30s? That must have been pretty hard, regardless of your relationship with them, I am sorry.
SojuSeed@reddit
Don’t take this the wrong way, as I’m glad you had such a good relationship with your dad to the point that you miss him, but know that many of us didn’t. The death of my mother was a bit of a shock in that the person who had been there my whole life suddenly wasn’t, but I am not sad she’s gone. Her death was, ultimately, a relief. I will feel the same when my father eventually dies. My childhood was horrible and the reasons for that are entirely at their feet. I don’t hate them, they were victims, too, but I will not mourn their passing. It can’t come soon enough.
DramaticErraticism@reddit
Yes, I have similar thoughts. I never really thought that having 'bad' parents was a positive in any way.
But, when my folks do pass, I will not really mourn them, I may even feel a bit more peace and closure about the whole situation. If you spend your entire life being lonely and alone in your family, what's the difference?
So much of life is about finding gratitude. If you have great parents and got all those years with them, just focus on how much you were given and got to experience that so many did not. I would literally kill to have had loving parents, even if I had to lose them eventually. If I had a genie wish, I really might wish for a lifetime with a loving family, that's it.
LilMissRoRo@reddit
My parents are late 70s. My brother is an addict and estranged from the family for a very long time. I'm widowed. I'm scared to death of losing my parents! They still help me so much and they mean everything to me! It's terrifying!
DramaticErraticism@reddit
My dad is 84 and still going pretty well. He's a slow mover but his mind is sharp and he is engaged in the world around him. That makes me worry less.
I also am not close with my parents, so losing them will be more of a chance to heal than a loss for me. I will mourn the parents they could have been and the parents I wish they could have been. I will not mourn their loss, as sad as it is to say.
My body still feels good. I think 65-70 may be the first time I feel truly old, perhaps not even then!
seeingeyegod@reddit
Sorry, I really fear this because I feel the same way about my parents. We've all been so lucky for so long, sometimes I can't help but think that tragedy must be just around the corner. On the other hand my Dad has an older brother and him and his wife are still kicking so I could have a while yet still. It's still going to suck incredibly bad though and I dont know how I'm going to deal with it.
osogordo@reddit
I hated it when my dad sent me low quality "news" articles/posts. But now it makes me smile when I get them because even though I still don't read them, I know that he's still around. Also, ever since I followed Christ, my worry about the afterlife is gone.
tambor333@reddit
My Father died young, lung cancer from years of smoking and exposure to chemicals during wafer fabrication. That was in 89.
My mother and step mother are still alive but well into their 80's and their health is starting to fail.
I went to my 40th high school reunion in 2023... 22% of my classmates were already dead... That was sobering.
merrymarigold@reddit
I know this feeling. When my dad passed 8 years ago, it felt like we lost the anchor of the family. My mom has been so lost without him. She's slowly fading away, and when she's gone, I know I'll be next in line.
Wisco@reddit
We're all going to die and nobody's doing anything about it.
Substantial-Spare501@reddit
One of our developmental tasks at this age is to practice generativity, sharing our knowledge with the next generation. This helps to prepare us for letting go and having a life well lived.
As a former hospice nurse I can say those who were terrified to die had much more difficult dying h process. However as the body fails, as one gets tired or has a lot of pain, we get mentally prepared to die.
Our culture is death denying but some cultures practice for death. The book of the dead is an example.
My dog died yesterday and it was an all night affair after he had a seizure and then just kept declining after house of the vet and went live over an hour from the emergency vet. There was no way he would have done okay in the car for that time. As he went through the usual stages of the process I comforted him, kept him clean, changed his blanket, and I told him it was okay to go, I thanked him for loving us. I was still a wreck when he died and I could barley get words out when I dropped his body at the vet for cremation. I am still upset today but I am also so proud of him… he did so well, a great life, a great friend and companion, a cutie who brought joy, - hiker, and he did it…he let go and he went onto the next step, the great unknown. It’s okay to die. It’s safe to die. It’s hard for us left behind but it is okay.
scarlettskadi@reddit
I’m so sorry to hear of your dog’s passing.
He’s waiting for you - you’ll see him again.
Big hugs.
Substantial-Spare501@reddit
TY. I told him I would see him in a while.
honeybadgess@reddit
You will definitely!!! ❤️
300wizzum@reddit
To be born, is to die. Without exception.
Pan_Goat@reddit
Repectfully - the leading cause of death is life. It can come anytime at any age. BE HERE NOW. The future will take care of itself
DaniCapsFan@reddit
I was thinking the same thing after my dad died last year, also of pancreatic cancer. I was also thinking that it's a real kick in the teeth, as if you get that diagnosis, get your affairs in order, as you don't have long left. On the other hand, at least you will not suffer too much.
My dad died in May, and having Father's Day come a month later really wrecked me. I don't know if it's because it was the first time in my life I had no one to wish Happy Father's Day, because it was so soon after he died, or both.
In my family, much of my parents' generation is gone, and I've also had a few cousins die. So, yeah, I think of my mortality sometimes.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
I feel your pain. My dad was in denial, I think, because he did not get his affairs in order at all, after having been meticulous with his papers and binders before getting ill. It was like he just let everything fall as it may. It was rough digging through his stuff, with an angry mother hovering over my shoulder, questioning my every move, and eventually hiding everything from me, despite being so clueless herself.
AMPressComix@reddit
The fear of the unknows around sickness, decline, and needing constant assistance before death are the completely rational causes of my anxiety and trembling. We all have a terrible end to our stories. Life is a tragedy.
Novel_Reaction_7236@reddit
My dad died at 87, and my mom at 68. I think I’m somewhere between this. I’ll be 64 this year and hope I have 4 years left, at least.
Historical-Fill1301@reddit
Pancreatic cancer is horrible for everyone involved. I've lost 3 family members to it now and they went fast. I'm sorry for your loss.
zimphella@reddit
My mom was just diagnosed with stage 1 pancreatic cancer. They're hopeful they've caught it early enough, but I know my mom is in for a battle. Thankfully, all the genetic testing she got done came back good so at least that's once less thing I have to worry about when it comes to cancer.
Historical-Fill1301@reddit
I'm sorry. It's hard for everyone not just the patient. Please make sure you take care of yourself, too.
socialmediaignorant@reddit
You may want to ask your doctor for genetic testing if it’s three close relatives. I am sorry for your loss. Pancreatic cancer is the worst.
Historical-Fill1301@reddit
Yeah my mom is the one I'm most concerned about, it was her mom, her sister and an aunt. She has gotten the genetic testing and gets regular screening to monitor.
I will follow suit once I can with my primary care.
boygirlmama@reddit
Yup. I lost my mom twenty years ago already though. I didn't see her grow old. I have five years until I'm the same age she was when she died.
Now my dad, he has early onset Parkinson's which he's had since around 2016. He's turning 72 next month. He just had open heart surgery (double bypass). I am staying with him as his caregiver right now. I am EVER aware daily of how within the next 5-10 years my older relatives could be gone.
Chazzam23@reddit
creepyoldlurker@reddit
My dad died of pancreatic cancer in 2020, and it was friggin' traumatic. Between that and Covid lockdowns, I've felt like I've been languishing ever since. I'm 51, and feel like I'm letting life pass me by as I've been wallowing in what's most likely depression disguised as an existential crisis. All I can think of is that my dad would be so disappointed that I'm wasting my one and only life. I've been trying to snap myself out of it but it's hard. So, no advice from me, just empathy and the hope that we both see our way through to the light.
Effective_Device_185@reddit
We're NEXT??! (Jumps out of window).
1kpointsoflight@reddit
The older i get the more I realize that I don’t want to live forever and death will be like a long peaceful and well deserved rest. Things are a LOT harder physically than just 10-15 years ago. I would imagine by 80 I’m gonna be just fine with clocking out for good
keetojm@reddit
Hell. My mom died before my grandparents cause of a coked up driver. Been waiting for my old man to die off as he is absolute a-hole that needs to drop.
I lived longer without out my mom than I did with her.
Desperate-Thing-4500@reddit
It’s ok, it is our destiny…going to the next life, if you will or as Ray Gibbons says “We next! The upper room!”
Repulsive_Monitor687@reddit
If there are any fellow ADHDer’s here, may I remind you that we have a shorter life expectancy of an estimated 6-8 years. There was a new study released contributing this to the fact we procrastinate getting healthcare including preventative screenings (✋guilty) frequently have co-morbidities like depression and/or addiction and the stress of managing adhd causes higher amounts of stress hormones like cortisol, which can damage our immune system. For me, I think it’s the odds of doing something dumb/careless and embarrassing, leading to a freak accident that will be my demise.
Egg-Tall@reddit
Probably not going to be a popular (or considered an empathetic answer), but...
My older brother was killed in a car accident when I was 16 and he was 20. I was making my father's end of life care decisions when I was 24. Whenever I've heard people bemoan how people are too young to have died, I've always wondered what world the rest of y'all are living on and when I get to visit. And I'm pretty sure this world will keep spinning long after I'm gone.
I've either been extremely unlucky, or you've been lucky, or we're all, and always have been, in the process of dying.
None of this is guaranteed. Enjoy what you can, while you can. Remember the moments you've had, and try to leave some good ones for the people who will be here when you're not.
It's about all you can do.
ggwing1992@reddit
My husband died at 51 my parents are 83 and doing fine
DarkStarF2@reddit
I'm so sorry for your loss. You were one of the lucky ones who was able to have their "shield" around for longer than some of us. I lost my Dad back in 2007 of prostate cancer *due to Agent Orange-Vietnam). I literally held my dad in my arms as he took his last breath at the West L.A. VA Medical center. Watching our parents go this way is truly awful, and I feel for you. Now that it's been almost 18 years since my father's death, I still cry...like I am right now, BUT later today, I will think of one of his many goofy monkey faces he used to make at me, how he taught me to climb trees, taught me how to ride a bike with no hands or how he taught me survival skills and I'll definitely crack a smile or simply laugh out loud.
My dad was born in 1941, and that generation is tough as fckn nails and lived to see a lot. I truly believe that because of their grit, courage, and determination, we're better off as a society. I say this because that means that same grit, courage, and determination were passed down to us in some form or another. You're stronger than you think you are, and I'd bet your dad is so very proud of you and thankful for the time he had with you.
Cry when you feel like it and always smile in honor of your father, no matter who's around you and no matter where you are. This alone will help ease your pain and sadness.
For me, the sadness never ends, but more smiles come as time passes by. I am not religious and don't pretend to know much, but the one thing that I do know is that I am grateful that he was My Dad.
May the universe be with you and energize your soul ❤️
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Thank you so much for your words, they truly resonate with me. (Oh, and thank you for the award!)
DarkStarF2@reddit
You're very welcome, and I hope as you move forward, peace moves with you. Give yourself all the time you need, and do not let society impact your progress. Move at your own pace.
😉🤗
Mycatreallyhatesyou@reddit
My parents have been gone for ages.
Willing_Visit2992@reddit
Don't take life for granted.
My aunt passed away a few weeks ago at 59, she was the youngest of 5 kids. Their mother died 7 years ago at 85. We thought our parents generation got another 10-30 years to go.
Much_Substance_6017@reddit
My Daddy took his life at 64. After that, I’m just excited to see him again. I take pleasure in life, but I do not fear death. I just get to see my Daddy and all my dogs again! I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I truly hope you acclimate and start feeling better. The hurt never goes away, it just becomes your new normal. Send you a hug. I know how hard it is to lose your Dad at any age.
No_Arugula_6548@reddit
Of course. Unfortunately we’re not vampires. 😂
Ok-Rock2345@reddit
Both my parents are gone. They both passed in their early 90s and were lucid and active until the bitter end.
As an example, one of my sisters did not like getting in the car with my 91 year old dad because he drove too fast....
I hope I do as well.
Lx_Wheill@reddit
"...I now am more afraid of death and dying than ever."
This rings absolutely true to myself as well.
My father passed away a little over 2 years ago, and to this day I still feel as though part of me is mourning.
I won,t go into details, but for the longest time he was like a "anti-hero" figure to me, a symbol of individuality against the societal norms and conformities, a symbol of strength, dependability, trust...
However at some point in his life he started acting rather oddly in ways I did not agree with. I allowed him to do his choices as he allowed me to not particularly agree with him.
At one point he got mixed up with some shady people and was basically trying to go off grid as there was a price on his head (or something to that effect).
We were estranged for many years due to me not wanting to be seen with him and the company he kept.
His health deteriorated quite quickly in his last weeks, until I managed to see him on his death bed, one of the last people to see him "alive" before he passed on. It was as though he was waiting for me before he could "let go".
As per original poster (u/PretentiousUsername1), this hit me hard as it made me realize that there are less days forward than behind us. That and coupled with my own near-death experience about a year prior to my father's death, and the idea of dying has become almost a daily source of stress.
Again I won't go into too many details but when we do witness the passing of our parents, it always leaves a most intriguing and lasting impression on us, our own mortality, and how we are (or not) ready to accept this fact.
In the wake of such realization I find it imperative to find the strength to carry forth and, at the risk of sounding like a stereotype, live each day to the fullest. As each day we are able to feel alive and well is indeed like a gift, because we never know when this will be gone.
mortyella@reddit
My mom passed away 5 years ago and I've been spiraling about this since then. I just got notice that they're planning my 40th high school reunion. They're doing a memorial to honor our classmates who have passed. Seeing that list grow longer and longer is making me so sad. 😥
Slow_Stable3172@reddit
We can’t go until the boomers have firmly planted the blame for world conditions on us.
RegretAccumulator72@reddit
My parents are DEAD. I'm an only CHILD. I dont' have any HEIRS. All I have are CATS and MONEY.
Same-Criticism5262@reddit
I lost my mom when I was 22 to cancer, and my dad died a year ago this past November, so I sympathize and empathize with you. Losing loved ones is traumatic, and grieving is complicated when they have such an impact on your life. Grief takes time to work through, and sometimes, therapy can help. Speaking from experience, I firmly believed I handled my mother’s passing well until my wife informed me later that I was a considerable asshole for some time after. I still didn't seek out professional help until I got drunk and spent a night in jail nearly 20 years later. I lost my career (public education) and almost lost my family. Come to find out, I suffer from bipolar disorder, which includes deep depression. I functioned but found minimal joy in life. I found a great counselor and shrink that helped me turn my life around. That was 13 years ago. Since then, I've re-established my career and watched my three children become adults and start their careers and families. We recently welcomed our first grandchild into the world, and my wife and I are about to celebrate our thirtieth wedding anniversary (which for her is more like 60 years, I'm sure). I still visit my psychiatrist every three months, but the counseling has stopped.
I share this to tell you I understand the hopelessness and fear you are experiencing. We must continue living after we lose those we love because people (family, friends) need us for as long as we can be here. My faith helps, but I know not everyone feels that way (no judgment from me). I also have a very tight-knit group of friends I've known since college that I rely on who share similar burdens and hold one another up when we can't stand on our own.
I sincerely hope my story helps you and others experiencing similar heartbreak.
LinuxMage@reddit
I lost my parents 15 years ago when I was just 37. I actually lost my dad 18 years ago when he was just 55 from a sudden heart attack brought about by his failure to treat his type 2 diabetes.
My mother then died in 2010 at the age of 59 from Pancreatic Cancer and I felt like I'd been orpahaned. But even then, I felt the clock ticking down and its been a scary ride, especially once I myself got past 50 years old.
I now have type 2 myself, and worry constantly that something is going to happen.
Forthrowssake@reddit
In laws both gone.
Father has dementia. Mom is holding her own but in her 80s.
You know what terrifies me? Two things. One is a painful death, and the other is everyone dying before me. Siblings, husband, best friend, etc. Didn't have children and I don't want to be alone at the end.
wallix@reddit
We'll be the first time host LAN parties in the retirement home. Anyone up for some Duke Nukem 3D?
wallix@reddit
I just look at who they're targeting in Branson, MO...that's how you know you're in the end-game. When they have the "80's Review"...lookout. Right now they still are on the Boomer side a bit. but it won't be long.
Taranchulla@reddit
Just because a therapist is mortal, it’s not reasonable to assume therapy won’t help. A lot of of us are on the same boat, it’s called thanatophobia, and therapy and meditation can absolutely help, if you do the work. Not to mention it sounds like you’re dealing with some PTSD from the loss of your dad. I can’t recommend therapy highly enough.
Melodic-Comb9076@reddit
please go check yourself out.
that pancreatic one is somewhat genetic.
that’s how my mentor (RIP) found out…his mom’s (who was sick) doctor suggested he get tested and he had it. ugh.
Adventurous-Yak-8196@reddit
I was in bed thinking about this last night. I'm 52. My mom died at 58. My dad is 71. I dread when he's gone. But then, I could die in my 50s like my mom and he could end up outliving me. If that happens I do have my brother that can watch after him. It's weird how roles reverse.
hajimoto74@reddit
My dad passed on my 20s at 54 and Mom passed when I was 33 at 60, both life long smokers. So I guess it's been something I've love with for almost 20 years now, wow.
KissesandMartinis@reddit
I lost both my parents in 2013/2014. My in-laws are still here, but they are not doing well at all. MIL has Alzheimer’s, FIL took a bad fall & fractured his back. I love them like they’re my own parents, so it’s hard watching this all over again.
WillinWolf@reddit
after watching Bill Burr's "Drop Dead Years" a few weeks ago, it really hit me. I'm gonna Drop. just like my best friend last year. We partied way too hard and way too long to live graciously into old age. Open enrollment for insurance just came around at work and I just finished signing up for a bunch o shit. Might as well leave my brother and gf a little something. and help myself if i'm just disabled or something. getting old is a BITCH....
R.I.P. DAD, football season ain't gonna be the same without you. Pretty sure Mom's gonna be joining you soon. She ain't handling it too well.
Due-Complaint-5719@reddit
Death is unavoidable. This thought haunted me for years until I started losing loved ones. Now I want to go where they went.
DianaPrince2020@reddit
Having lost both my parents and my oldest sibling, I understand. Going to them is a comforting thought.
JelloButtWiggle@reddit
It occurred to me a while back that before long, WE will be the old ones at holiday gatherings. WE are next.
And it terrified me.
I picture the kids falling into the meat grinder scene from The Wall when I think about it.
NeedleworkerLow1100@reddit
All my grands lived until their late 80s and early 90s.
My parents died young. 39 and 74.
My son died at 27.
Who knows how much time I have left.
It is what it is.
SubstantialPressure3@reddit
I've lost all my older relatives.
Try changing the way you think about it. We are now the elders in the family. We are the ones holding the family knowledge.
Some of us have big shoes to fill. Some of us no longer have curmudgeons that ruin every holiday and family gathering.
"Next to die" implies that there's nothing left except to wait your turn to die.
Some of those older family members had a negative impact, and some of them had a very positive impact. We can pass on the things that were useful and helpful, and drop the things that weren't.
It also means that some outdated prejudices, and traditions nobody liked are gone, in some cases.
linuxgeekmama@reddit
If I’m the closest thing we have to an elder, we’re screwed.
SubstantialPressure3@reddit
Yeah, well, a lot of us were screwed with the elders we had. We can attempt to do better.
linuxgeekmama@reddit
I do, but I’m still looking for the adult in the room.
linuxgeekmama@reddit
I watched my mom die of Alzheimer’s. I’m much more scared of that than I am of dying.
Something else that helped me get over my fear of dying was that I accepted that I’m not going to accomplish much with my life, that I’m never going to live up to all that potential they said I had when I was in school. Accepting that was neither quick nor easy, but I came to terms with it. One of the reasons I was afraid of death is that I worried about dying before I had a chance to live up to my potential. My life hasn’t looked like I thought it would, but I’ve gotten to where I can accept that.
2boredtocare@reddit
I guess maybe I'm "lucky" as my parents died at 59 and 67. I have low-key accepted that I may not make it past 59 (mom). Not sure why I focus on her, other than I'm also female. So I've already been the "next generation" for quite some time. Just out here trying to focus on the things that matter and make the most of whatever time I have left.
One thing that has been very hard is the thought of leaving my girls without a mother. We're so close. My therapist suggested doing a "legacy journal" for them, and I am close to actually doing it; just jotting down things as I think of them and putting them to paper. I know some people, when they know they are terminal, will write letters for "special events" down the road, but then people on reddit expressed that made every milestone after the loss of a parent sad. Anywho.
Weird thing is, my great grandma lived to be 99. Her children all lived into their 90s, with the exception of my grandma, who died at 76 (i'm not kidding, her passing at 76 was considered shockingly "young" in our family). Her last kid finally passed last year, at 103! I honestly do not care to live that long.
As a final thought, yes therapists are also mortal, however, mine has helped me reframe the things I have felt/thought about my own demise. I'm not all WOOHOO! about it now, but I have certainly found some peace with it thanks to her.
trashpanda_fan@reddit
I'm ready for the boomers to show themselves to the door and if Xers keep hewing reactionary/conservative (something I genuinely did not expect to happen as much as it has) we can show ourselves out too.
Boomers failed to change the world and elected to wreck it and get theirs instead. Good riddance.
satanicpanic6@reddit
You guys have parents?
ItIsMe2125@reddit
My dad died in my early childhood, don't speak to my sibling, no idea if they are even still alive, my mom is in the process of dying.
I am OK with it, and my own mortality. I don't have any control over it, unless I chose to, so I just remind myself that unless I make a decision and act on it, it will come when it comes, if that is today or 40 years from now, that works for me.
Acceptable_Result488@reddit
Dontopentillxmas@reddit
My father passed 2 years ago,and today I went and made arrangements for my mom at the funeral home,she entered hospice yesterday and I feel she may have 24-48 hrs left,it's a weird situation because we had the "talk" about her final wishes when I was 14, now I'm 54 and the drs. are a bit taken aback by what she wants,she was a nursing aide for 30 years in elderly facilities and made it completely clear what she wanted
linuxgeekmama@reddit
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.
SmellsPrettyGood2Me@reddit
Sending you strength for the days and weeks to come
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
My heart goes out to you.
Dontopentillxmas@reddit
Thank you
JustJay613@reddit
Patriarch here. Dad died when I was 8, I've long outlived him, stepfather 9 years ago and my Mom in 2019. Both my inlaws are around however and healthy. I was the one who found my Dad so really young I got the full effect of death. Nothing left to the imagination. When I was 10 I spent a week at a cottage with a family friend. My parents left Sunday to go home, he went out fishing and never came back. No phone so spent the week by myself. Since then it honestly does not phase me at all. I don't cry for the dead. I don't think I can. Life is transitory and you could fall down the stairs, have a heart attack or get hit by a bus. Humans are fragile and you have little control over whether or not you get pancreatic cancer. Live for today because tomorrow is not guaranteed. We are all going to die and hopefully not for a long time but no promises. Without knowing you I'm sure, like everyone, you've cheated death on at least one occasion. Reality is, wasn't your time. When and how you die is already decided. Every choice you make whether to be healthy or take risks is leading you to that time and place.
Gloomy_End_6496@reddit
Both of my parents are gone, they were 70 and 71, thanks to Covid. Who knows how long they would have lived if covid had never showed up.
My grandfather never got covid, and lived to 104.
My grandmother's lived to 92 and 87 or 98. My other grandfather died at 78.
All of my great grandparents lived into their 90s or past 100.
Idk why I am 54 and feel like death is around every corner.
PuzzleFly76@reddit
The shield feeling is very relatable. In a way, we never stop seeing our parents as authority figures and the wise old men and women in the room. We can certainly feel orphaned, even if we were well in our 40s and 50s, and older.
Badbookitty@reddit
I truly cannot wait to wake up dead. I'm so excited to find out what/where my energy goes next!
Broken420girl@reddit
I have health anxiety from the sudden death of my stepdad. I have no parents now they both went early 70’s I’m 56 does that mean I only have 15 odd years? That does my head in and I’ve just wasted 10 years
Brave_Question5681@reddit
Circle of life is really coming back around all at once: elderly parents, hundred year tariffs, potential stagflation and economic depression, bird flu, allies with Russia. Good times
gmenez97@reddit
Look into the philosophy of Non Duality.
marshallkrich@reddit
Eh, I lost most of my grandparents by the time I was 6. Dad died when I was 20, his dad died 3 months later. Lost my mom during Covid. Now it's just me and my brother. It is, what it is.
Affectionate_Yam4368@reddit
I'm sorry about your Dad. Mine died of PC in 2012 when I was 34.
A long career in healthcare has probably made me dead inside, but I don't do a lot of reflection on my own mortality. I could fall down the stairs and crack my head open at work tonight or I could live to be 110 and die in my sleep. What difference does it make? I'm dead either way. I don't wish for death, nor do I fear it. It's inevitable, but the timing is none of my business.
ahutapoo@reddit
I've got a generation between myself and my mom.
nikeguy69@reddit
Sorry for ALL your losses but you can die at any age anytime most people can live into the 90-100 others don’t so here’s some advice live life to the fullest if possible.
FjordsEdge@reddit
Take some time to plan and grieve your own death or put it out of your mind. Being Mortal by Gawande is helpful. End of life planning can be helpful. It's very human to be scared of death.
And a grief therapist can help more than you know. Mine was great at untying the knots I got myself in. Yeah they're scared of death too, but that's a comfort.
Flaky-Artichoke6641@reddit
It's only normal.. U sending them out no the other way around.
Helmett-13@reddit
None of us gets out of this alive, friend, but every day above ground is a small victory and a middle finger to the Reaper and entropy.
I’m content to live out of sheer spite alone if necessary, even if it’s just to say, ‘Not today, motherfucker.’
Embrace your inner GenX nihilism once you’ve mourned and dealt with your grief.
We’ll be around if you need to vent your spleen, it’s all good.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Thank you. I love your approach. 🦦
PapaBorq@reddit
My mom died this week. A lesson here is that we should all start this funeral/burial discussion with our parents.
Cost is WAY higher than I remember. And then if you want cremation, there may be state laws governing this. For example, in our state, if the deceased didn't sign off on cremation, and YOU want cremation, you need signatures from ALL siblings... And if those people are scattered around the country it can get ugly. The person helping us with my mom is literally going through that legal issue right now, and her loved ones funeral is in a holding pattern because of it.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
I’m so sorry for your loss.
boringlesbian@reddit
My dad died when I was 21 and he was 52. Both of his parents were still alive at the time and both lived well into their nineties. My mother died when I was 40 and she was 69. Her mother had passed when I was a teenager. Her adopted father died after she did when he was almost 100. On both sides of my family, there were people who lived hard- smoked/chewed tobacco, drank ALL the time, were hard working, poor, blue collar - and they seemed to live forever, some passed a hundred. Others died relatively young of natural causes, mostly heart attacks. Some by suicide. Life’s a crapshoot. We can just do the best we can while we’re here and try not to make anyone else’s journey harder than it already is, if we help it.
Ill-Honeydew7381@reddit
You could die tomorrow before the people older than you. My great grandmother lived to 101 and my grandpa only lived 72. She saw her son die so don’t take it too hard. Anyone can die at any time.
Conscious-Bison-120@reddit
I lost my dad last Feb. He was only 69. I'm 48 and often I think about what if I only have 20 years left? That being said, my grandma on my mom's side is upper 90's. You just never know. I try to balance planning for the future (IE retirement and after) with experiencing things now that I'm able to do because I don't know if I will always be able to do those things.
IronAnchor1@reddit
Therapists not being immortal means they understand where you are coming from. I'm going to be blunt, and it's for your own good. Many people in our generation have lost thier parents. It's devastating. All condolences. That said, you aren't your father. You have an entirely different life to live. Therapy can help,this is why it's known as " therapy". It's not about sucking it up,it's about accepting your season in life. Spring is gone, we're in that last bit of summer, headed into autumn. The only comfort we have is knowing we aren't alone.
biteyfish98@reddit
Peak gen X reply!
seataccrunch@reddit
The best any of can do is make the most of every day we have. This is the only thing that will offer some peace at the end of our time.
God bless you friend
Open_Mortgage_4645@reddit
It felt like the line securing my raft was suddenly cut, sending me drifting off into the sea, when my dad died a few years ago. It's a terrible feeling and I don't think you every really get over it 100%.
biteyfish98@reddit
You must be the outlier of this generation who had a healthy relationship with your parents??
j/k…sorta.
My father passed in 2013 and while I still wish he was here, his death was not particularly traumatic in that he was never really a big part of my life (and I say that as someone who’s parents were married for over 40 years and they got along). He just wasn’t emotionally invested in his kids. Or didn’t know how…or whatever. We didn’t talk much, he’d answer the phone and after 30 secs he’d say, “here’s your mother” - it was a running family joke, he liked his own schedule and his fishing and his television watching and his quad riding, post-retirement. It was what it was.
What was more traumatic is how my narcissistic mother behaved while he was dying (stage IV prostrate cancer). I still haven’t fully forgiven her. And when she goes, whenever that may be, though we all joke that she’ll outlive the rest of us, I will be sad in some ways, but it will also be a relief. Because she has no empathy or emotional intelligence or awareness, sucks all the air out of the room, still complains (mostly in her passive-aggressive way, but sometimes quite directly, about what a bad daughter I am - at this point, mainly because I don’t treat her like a queen and give her more attention). I’m low-contact with her for a variety of reasons.
My long-winded vent of a point 😜 is that, like many X-ers, I mostly raised myself. I never felt like I had a ‘shield’, it’s been me and the world almost since Day One. Maybe it’s that lack of emotional closeness within the family structure, maybe it’s the “you’re on your own” in many ways as a child, when a child shouldn’t have had to be, but as a formerly feral kid, I don’t feel torn up about it (though losing friends has hit much harder, because that’s where any emotional bonding is for me). 🤷🏻♀️
But I can certainly imagine that for those who had healthy family situations, the loss of an immediate family member feels different, like a piece of your heritage, your life, your history is gone, leaving a hole that no one else can fill.
I’m sorry for your loss. 💔
sauerkrautpolka@reddit
My dad died in 2012 at only 62 (COPD, most likely from years of smoking and working in fuel supply for the Air Force) and my mom died last year at 74 (complications from a UTI). Both sets of my grandparents are long gone (cancer, heart attack, alzheimer, stroke) 2 of my mom's sisters (both had cancer) and 2 of her brothers (car wreck and suicide). My older brother died (suicide) in 2017 and my younger brother is battling cirrhosis, heart disease and kidney disease and won't stop drinking. If he makes it through this year, I'll be surprised. I don't really have anyone left. I'm only 46 and the odds are stacked against me. Need to start getting serious about my own health. Depression is a bitch.
peterw71@reddit
I had this revelation after my mum died of an aggressive brain tumour in 2021 (during the pandemic for good measure). She was 'only' 73 and her mother lived to 96 so I thought we stood a reasonable chance of a few more years with her.
Now my parents are gone, I'm probably next. However, nothing is guaranteed, it could be in 30 years or it could be in six months (she went from diagnosis to death in four). Enjoy life today, don't procrastinate and don't take your future for granted.
suga_suga27@reddit
My dad use to teach me many life lessons, give advice, how to DIY home projects even though I’m a female. Then I lost him three weeks later due to liver cancer. He was 60. Now when I have to make life decisions I make it based on what I think he would do. I wish he was still here to guide me and teach my daughters the way he raised me. Before he left he told me to carefully raise them and to take care of my own health so I can care for them. I miss you dad
Elegant_Marc_995@reddit
My parents have been dead for 15 and 25 years. I've known for a long time that I'm next on deck
BurtRogain@reddit
See, it sounds to me like you either need to cut back on the pot or smoke more of it. Doing one of those two things should really help put things into perspective for you.My condo,ended on your dad. Hope you’re doing ok.
Sanjomo@reddit
5 to 1 or 1 to 5… no one here gets out alive.
Inevitable_Bison_133@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss.... I've been terrified of death for a long time and no therapist has ever had the answer. Mom died in the 80s and Dad died in 2004, making me and my siblings the oldest generation in the family. I was in my early 30s and instantly felt like a little kid and old at the same time.
vreddit7619@reddit
The reality of life is that anyone of any age could be next. There are people under 30 who are passing away everyday.
Live your best life.
SeattleBrad@reddit
Therapy can absolutely help. It helped me get past similar thoughts.
stargazertony@reddit
Well, gee, that’s never happened before. What’s this world coming to?
Frequent_Clue_6989@reddit
I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad! When I think about such topics, I'm drawn to a particular passage from the Bible:
"Don’t let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and say, “Life is not pleasant anymore.” Remember him before the light of the sun, moon, and stars is dim to your old eyes, and rain clouds continually darken your sky. Remember him before your legs—the guards of your house—start to tremble; and before your shoulders—the strong men—stoop. Remember him before your teeth—your few remaining servants—stop grinding; and before your eyes—the women looking through the windows—see dimly.
Remember him before the door to life’s opportunities is closed and the sound of work fades. Now you rise at the first chirping of the birds, but then all their sounds will grow faint. Remember him before you become fearful of falling and worry about danger in the streets; before your hair turns white like an almond tree in bloom, and you drag along without energy like a dying grasshopper, and the caperberry no longer inspires sexual desire. Remember him before you near the grave, your everlasting home, when the mourners will weep at your funeral.
Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don’t wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it."
Ecclesiastes 12
No_Mathematician7956@reddit
I have one grandparent left. She's been here longer than no less than 3 of her children, one being mom.
Dad is still here but older and I'd be lying if I said I don't worry about him.
I feel this in my bones. I'm able to look at my children and the choices they've made and I'm happy. I plan on being here until the good lord takes me.
leader25@reddit
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. - Twain
Live fully and don't fear the inevitable has been my motto, which has helped as I watch my mom fade.
Quixand1@reddit
When my mom’s parents died she got a book about adult orphans. What you are feeling is pretty common. I still have both my parents — 80 and 84 — but I know their time is getting short. It’s kind of scary…I also have a husband who turned 69 yesterday and has Parkinsons as well as pretty much every age-related health issue, so I, at 57, feel like I’m being stalked by death. I just wanna dance lol.
Mocjo111@reddit
Tomorrow is never promised. We all will meet our maker. Live each day like it’s your last
Impressive_Age_9114@reddit
Could be tomorrow, just saying. Nothing to be afraid of, it's a transition. I'm 46, and I lost a childhood friend a few days ago. She was 4 months older. If my genes hold up, I'm exactly halfway done. I've had to decide whether to stay and fight recently.
RedJerzey@reddit
My mom passed 10 yrs ago and my dad is in the hospital now with gallbladder, liver and pancreas issues. Getting old is tough.
squeakybeak@reddit
Yep, have become very conscious of this. Have travelled to see them this weekend, as it’s my mums birthday next week.
secondlogin@reddit
My father told me, “you’re not alone until both your parents are dead.”
DazzlingPause6818@reddit
Actually therapy can help, especially with tools to manage the existential dread. So can religion/spirituality and finding a faith-based practice that helps you come to terms with the afterlife. Blessings.
SFJetfire@reddit
My mother will be 86 next Monday. She is a very active and engaging 86yr old. She walks 2 miles almost every day—1 mile to church and 1 mile back. We just returned from my birthday cruise last week. She didn’t know that we took her on the cruise to celebrate and thank her for giving life to me 57yrs ago.
My mom is very near and dear to me. I call her daily and I try not to think about her dying or leaving this earth. I schedule a big trip at least once a year so that my mom has something to look forward to and “stays healthy” and safe.
My dad lived to 86. He died of natural causes but he had smoked every day for over 50yrs. He lived his best life and rarely took his much needed gout, blood pressure and heart medication. He used to say “I smoked for all these years and that didn’t kill me”. Lol
My maternal aunt is still alive at 97. I am hoping to live that long and hoping that my mom lives to her mid 90s as well.
.
Dance2GoodbyeHorses@reddit
It’s so weird how people the same age can be so different. Both my parents are 75. My dad bowls three times a week, still does yard work, and all the driving for my mom. My mom has had every surgery under the sun, multiple hip and joint replacements, bowel resection and open heart surgery. I feel like my dads got a long time ahead of him, his dad lived to 90, but honestly everyday I still have my mom feels like borrowed time.
edasto42@reddit
Fear is the mind killer. Fearing death is basically fearing living-because death is just an aspect of living. People often fear it because it’s a great unknown. I grew up as one of the youngest in my clan so I watched a lot of grandparents, aunts and uncles, and a few cousins pass away as I grew up. In that time I realized my own mortality and also realized I only have this life to live. I didn’t want to live in fear of the inevitable since that’s just wasting energy, so I made a decision as a teenager to make my life memorable, full of unique life experiences, create connections with cool/good folks wherever I go, and just live my fullest life. Adopting that has put me on so many adventures that I’ve got stories for days on end and also keeps me from worrying about my mortality. I already know I have done things in my life that have been impactful to many people across the world, and that helps also deal with things.
All I can say, if you are going to constantly worry about your own mortality, you are never going to fully enjoy the life you live. And really, don’t dismiss therapy on this. You’re phrasing of the dismissal is kind of weird tbh, and to me says that you might not be comfortable getting help for mental health. Correct me if I’m wrong there.
grateful_john@reddit
My father passed last year at 88, mother is still going at 86 now. Both my wife’s parents are mid 80s. I feel I have a decent shot at making my mid 80s, so 25+ years.
Watching my father die sucked. He went to the hospital, spent 8 days there and was told there was nothing they could do (he had also decided he didn’t want anything done - he had beaten prostate and bladder cancer and was done with tests, procedures, etc.). They sent him home to hospice where he went quickly - one week after coming home he passed away. I had given him a dose of morphine about 2 hours before, I think about that sometimes (but would do it again because he needed it). He knew probably for a couple of months he was terminally ill, he didn’t want anyone to be fretting and worrying about him. He went out on his own terms and at peace with what was happening.
no_talent_ass_clown@reddit
You did good.
grateful_john@reddit
We all do what we have to. I hope I go as gracefully and peacefully as he did.
JennyFurTin@reddit
My dad died in 2013. The day before my 40th birthday. I was talking to my son yesterday about how my desire to spend as much time with my grandkids wasn’t selfish, it was because I realize that I am running out of time with them and they with me. If I die the same age as my dad I only have 16 years left. I could die before then or after then, who knows. But I 100% understand the way you feel.
chartreuse_avocado@reddit
My parents were gone while I was in my 30’s so I’ve never had the idea of them as traditionally old. Or me being older and them still alive too.
I think age and living and dying are to some degree in our control with how we choose to control and influence that which we can.
Having had my parents die relatively young I live with a longevity, preventative health, and active lifestyle mindset. My sibling does as well.
Death reality is stark to face no matter the circumstances. Attitude of living as well as possible vs fearing death for me is key.
0hheyitsme@reddit
Sorry about your dad. My parents died in 2014 and 2019. I lost 5 friends in 2021 and that is what really got my attention regarding death. Idk if I fear death, it's more about how I will go. I don't want to suffer some prolonged death or lose my faculties. I find this quote oddly comforting:
"Death is nothing to us. When we exist; death is not; and when death exists, we are not."- Epicurus
MacabreMori113@reddit
My maternal Grandma passes at 90, my paternal grandmother buried her son and is still going in her 90s. Dad died at 66, mom at 62. I think the boomer generation did a lot of self harm.
RickLeeTaker@reddit
It is tough to become an orphan no matter what age you are when that happens.
subgenius691@reddit
And?
MDangler63@reddit
I lost my dad to a form of bone marrow cancer, Myelodysplastic syndrome. Fucking horrible watching him struggle.
UncreditedRandomGirl@reddit
I had a parent die at 38 from a heart attack and my mother lived until 90. I find myself getting focused on death like you do. I guess all we can do is mitigate some of the health risks and roll the dice.
Erika348o@reddit
Well, geez, this is quite the message to read. LOL
MDK1980@reddit
Sorry for your loss, OP. Losing parents really puts our own mortality into perspective. My dad died of a heart attack at 47, my mom died of a heart attack at 64. I had 4 heart attacks of my own at 38, but somehow I'm still here. I'm 45 now, and only 2 years away from the oldest age my dad ever got to.
I totally get what you're going through. Before my heart attacks I felt functionally immortal, absolutely oblivious to everything. But, once I had them, everything changed. I couldn't stop thinking about dying. Every pain, stitch, or slight bit of tightness in my chest was the next heart attack that would kill me. It wasn't, obviously, because I'm typing this. But, for the longest time, it was almost impossible to think that way. A psychologist once said that the human brain ignores death - treats it as something that only ever happens to other people - because if it didn't, it would be all we would think about. He was right.
I went for CBT, because I'd gotten to that stage where I had completely wiped out my future in my head. There was no point thinking about next year, or 10 years from now, when I didn't know if I'd be here tomorrow. It definitely helped eventually, because the thoughts mostly subsided. But, they still come back every now and then. I guess the reality finally set in that I'm not immortal, and my time will come. That nagging part at the back of my head now just thinks that it will be a lot sooner than I always thought it would, and that can be terrifying.
Time_Box_5352@reddit
I lost both of my parents within five months of each other. I feel your pain and it gets easier to live with as the years go by, but it is not something you get over. I talk to them often in my head and I believe in heaven. Just try to live as healthy as you can. My sister is dealing with pancreatic cancer stage 4 and that is devastating.
CasherburyTales@reddit
Bro just figured out how time works
steffi309@reddit
I can definitely relate. All my grandparents had died by the time I was 22. All of my great aunts and uncles are gone but 2. My mother was a Boomer and her brother and about 1/2 of her cousins are also gone. My mother died in 2022. I'm an only child. I never married or had children. Life does look different after your parents are gone.
RetroactiveRecursion@reddit
Sorry about your dad. I can't imagine losing a parent you care such much for.
My own dad died about 11 years ago. My mom, a couple months ago. I didn't really get along with them, dad ever, and my mom the last couple decades were tough. No one was abusive, at least not physically. They were just two self absorbed asses who did what they wanted to do, regardless of it'd impact on us.
When my mom died, I was no longer in the middle of the "sandwich" and I am so relieved.
I'm sure it's different in different families, and every one has its issues, but the lesson I got from them is: don't outlive your welcome. I'm in my 50s and sure its easy to say I won't be a pain in the ass and put my kids through an emotional horror show, but I'm not quite there yet, so I don't know. Hopefully I won't be, or something takes me out before I can be.
Nozza-D@reddit
Sorry to hear about your Dad. If you’ve had a good relationships with them, losing a parent leaves you with a big conscious void nothing can fill. Transitioning them to past tense is hard.
The saving grace is that they live on in us. A year or so ago I reconnected with an old friend, who said her boss was talking about this guy who gave him lots of good advice, and that he can never forget him. He told her the name and she realised it was my father, because we have an unusual name. I was thinking, you mean that guy who used to talk a lot and had a lot of sayings and told stories that went on and on? Lol.
If anything, the death of parents reminds me that maybe I should make good use of the time I have left here. And try to live a bit healthier than they did at my age. Being afraid to die is normal, but inevitable. Really, it’s about you making peace with yourself
Thinkaboutthat4asec@reddit
Maybe (ok definitely) this is my midlife crisis talking but I’m really interested in exploring the micro dosing of psychedelics (mushrooms in particular). As someone who also is overwhelmed with anxiety about my own mortality, I think it could be beneficial — I’ve heard that a properly led trip can give you a greater peace about your place in the universe and virtually eliminate the fear of dying.
OP, I’m so sorry you had to witness your father’s painful end of life experience. Wishing you, and all of us, deep peace as we have to say our inevitable goodbyes to those who brought us into this world.
Electrical_Fishing81@reddit
My grandparents died at 76, 81, 81, and 76. Mom died at 69. Dad is 75 but is in early stages of either dementia or going senile (doctor says they are different and she isn’t 100% sure which yet). My godmother (mom’s oldest sister) died at 75.
It hit me most when I had some questions about family members and realized there is no one around that could still answer those questions for me.
beercollective@reddit
My dad died last year, and it really hit home since he was only 19 years older than me. Despite the fact that his death was largely due to environmental factors that are not present in my life, it still hit me like a ton of bricks that I might have less than two decades left.
IntelligentAd4429@reddit
Speak for yourself. My parents have been gone a long time but I plan on sticking around for quite a while. I want to participate in the lives of my great grandchildren.
New-Challenge-2105@reddit
Sorry, to hear about your dad. I had a similar situation when my father passed away from cancer in 2018. I was very close to my father because he was the one that taught me math and spelling in elementary school, he introduced me to watch collecting, he was a calming, reassuring force in my life. When he passed I felt I had lost my grounding force and my main support. The pain of your loss will eventually pass as it did with me. It is easy for me to a say this after 7 years but don't fear or dread death. Just live your life to the fullest.
blackpony04@reddit
My dad died unexpectedly at 60 and my mom is 92 going on 62 she is that active. Life is a crapshoot, spend every day living for that day and just keep a suspicious eye on the future.
S_Mo2022@reddit
I am so sorry OP. I lost my dad in 2020 at 78 and mom at in 2024. I more than empathize with you. I am 55 and having my own existential crisis. I thought that I was Middle Aged but apparently in my last third. Knowing I have only 25 years left (give or take 5 years based on my family longevity) it has fundamentally upended my outlook. Fellow GenXers going through something similar- we’ve got this even though it sucks.
Redditlovebites@reddit
Sorry for your loss.
My mom was never a protector but a best friend, worst friend type. I lost her when I was 28, 20 years ago.
Your grief will ebb & flow. Getting your shit together is well, not a prerequisite for living a good rest of your life.
You are your own protection & the support network of people around you as well.
It was an idea that you'd be good because your parents are alive. It's hard when that reality crumbles but it's not your ultimate reality meaning they can still support you from the other realms if you believe & your inner self is more adult than you realize and every hug, every lesson,every joke your Dad bestowed upon you is always available as they are inside you.
I think I came out of my shock stupor in about 3 years, and it was brutal. I went bankrupt & nearly homeless after losing my mom & dealing with cptsd from my childhood. 12 years ago, I had another positive turning point after very dark time.
As someone 20 years later, I feel my mom when I need to and know I can handle the darkest hours because I had already lived & know how to move through them.
I'm sorry again for your loss. Big hugs. Ask for/ hire support & ride the waves of emotions up down side ways. Find something you love and do it as often as you can. Live!
SuddenlyRandom@reddit
I find it oddly comforting that we all have this one thing in common. When you think about stuff like this, just remember you have 8 billion friends with the same problem.
HaekelHex@reddit
Don't fear the reaper.
stop-freaking-out@reddit
The world is different when one of your parents passes. I was with my mom when she passed and I was the first one to check her pulse since the nurse wasn't there. They leave a void when they go and I often feel that something is missing now. Like you it also reminded me of my own mortality.
travlynme2@reddit
Watching your parent die is hard.
My children only had one grandparent alive in their life.
My Mom's death was long and she suffered for years.
They saw all the struggle of home care and the awfulness of long term care.
I do not want to put them or me through that.
We have agreed that MAID is the only kind answer.
General-Bumblebee-33@reddit
I wish we had maid here!
ephemerally_here@reddit
It’s like we’re all always aware that someday we’re all going to die, and yet we usually don’t truly understand that. And then sometimes, like when we lose a parent, we really SEE our time will come, and the knowledge is frightening. I think it’s so terrifying that we forget (repress?) again and again in order to get on with our lives.
Losing my father in law a few years ago got me started accepting my mortality and then losing my mom slowly since (she passed a few months ago) drove me further along this journey. Ultimately I think the only constructive take with such losses is to try to use your time well. The proverbial mid life crisis that I always heard about growing up- I suspect it may be based on how people act when they lose parents, and it starts to hit home that we don’t have forever ourselves.
I don’t want a flashy new car or partner, but definitely have made some changes to my career and just the way I live my life. Parental losses have actually inspired me to be more responsible.
Head_Wall_Repeat@reddit
My parents are mid-80s and I think about this every day. I'm 53 and I can't fathom them being gone.
pollofgc@reddit
Use death thoughts positively; seems that it teaches, the only truth in life, that eventually you are going to die, and asks you: what are doing with the time that is left? My father passed in 2019, always thought that I would get the call and it was worrying, but didn’t know that life had something else prepared; he died in my arms. Watching his death that close made me a completely different person; made me understand the mortality of the being, still today I struggle on my changes, but one step at a time, I have become more relaxed, more positive, helpful, happy and empathetic with my neighbor. Death is tough, but we have to live with that for the rest of our lives and we have to make the best out of it. May your father rest in peace.
Historical-Gap-7084@reddit
I'm very sorry for your loss. It sucks getting older. Fuck cancer!
WrongAssumption2480@reddit
My parents have been dead for years. My dad passed in 2000 and my mother in 2010. He was 69 and she was 77. They were children of the Great Depression and life was tough for them for a long time.
susanadrt@reddit
I remember vividly when one of my friends lost her mother, she was the first that lost a parent and I got so sad that she didn’t have her safety net no more, it was an helplessness that I couldn’t explain.
jerstoveg@reddit
My mom died when she was 34. I was 9. I had some anxiety in my 30s but when I surpassed her age I was relieved. My dad was 59 when he died. I still have 12 years until then. I don't want to die, but I'm not afraid either
Maleficent_Can4976@reddit
I lost my mom when she was 33 and I was 4. I think I’ve always been very aware of mortality on a different level than my peers. Once I passed 33, I’ve always felt like I live on “bonus time”. It’s a gift, not a guarantee. It’s a strange way to exist.
SnowblindAlbino@reddit
For many people the pain fades somewhat over time but doesn't go away. I remember maybe 15 years ago when my wife lost a sibling...she was talking with my dad and he said something like "A day doesn't go by when I don't miss my mother." She had been gone 25 years at that point. We lost my dad about five years ago and I think of him often, rarely without it hurting. Down to one surviving parent between us now, thankfully in good health but I worry none-the-less, while trying to visit as often as possible. Sometimes now I worry about our adult kids facing this with us, though hopefully that's a good 25-30 years down the road.
Sorry for your loss OP.
Velvet_Samurai@reddit
Sorry about your loss, but your outlook is really strange. Your dad was never a shield. You could have died at almost any point in your life. The fact that you didn't wasn't because your dad was alive. I think you need therapy, or at least someone you trust to talk to.
East-Garden-4557@reddit
Agreed. And saying a therapist can't help because the therapist is not immortal and will also face death is also strange. You don't go to a therapist so they can show you a way to prevent death. You go there to get help for your fear and anxiety about death
ionV4n0m@reddit
I lost my mother in 2012, after she lost 3 of her daughters previous (the last, 2 weeks before she passed). Like you, that "shield" was ripped from me, and I finally had a CLEAR view of "everything". . and it fucked with me for a long time.
I probably was in a "shellshock" or mourning state until maybe 2023, when with therapy, I was able to process, deal with, and cope with a lot.. Including her passing. While you're right, that therapists aren't immortal, they might be able to help you "move forward" at your terms.,
invisiblemeows@reddit
I don’t like the idea of actively dying, but the world has existed for millions of years before I entered and I wasn’t the slightest bit bothered by it. I imagine it will be the same after I die.
krakmunky@reddit
I found Ram Das helpful in alleviating anxiety around death.
etjasinski@reddit
I think about every now and then but it doesn't worry like op is saying so I guess I'm lucky for that
AuthorTStelma@reddit
My mother in law is 93 and although moving much slower, all her organs are in good shape. Meanwhile half of my friends in their 60’s are dealing or have dealt with cancer. It’s not about heredity anymore folks. It’s what we are consuming and it’s going to get worse
lonerstoners@reddit
I lost my dad in the 90’s and mom in the 2010’s so I understand the mourning process and how it makes you feel. The feeling never goes away, but it becomes a little less upsetting as time passes. It is what it is so make the best of and appreciate what you have now because you never know.
Silverbright@reddit
I lost my mom in 2022, also to pancreatic cancer. She was 71. Her parents passed at 83 (2011) and 91 (2016). One of the things that hurt me the most, and still does, was that she had her mother for 20 more years than I got with her. It also started a spiral of worry.
When I was a kid, it was a joke that Grandma was always 39. She "refused" to turn 40, even though she was over 50 when I was born. Her birthday cakes said "Happy 39th Birthday...Again!" And since she was only 39, her oldest daughter (my mom) couldn't pass her, so she "stopped" at 29, and I was "forbidden" from passing 19. It was a family joke, until Grandma passed at 91, then Mom at 71. Something deep in my brain keeps whispering that I won't get to pass 51, which is only a few years away. It is irrational and superstitious, but that little voice just won't shut up.
NinjaMeow73@reddit
I get it and have similar thoughts.
no_talent_ass_clown@reddit
Therapy might help because you just talk to an adult who has advice and support. I'm sorry for your loss.
2ball7@reddit
I lost my father in 2003 and my mother in 2022. 6 months after that I lost a friend who was only 34. I too went through a spell where my own mortality became so much more evident. I would not say a fear of dying became pervasive. But the acceptance that sooner or later I too would go to that undiscovered country and the only fear I have is that one of my children or grandchildren beat me there.
northernblazer11@reddit
Everybody dies.
Everyday is a blessing.
Look at all the young children who have no life and get horrendous diseases. They are the ones I feel for.
We live we die. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Hence live everyday likes it's your final day on earth.
Once we are gone in 30 years time nobody will remember us.
I felt awful the other day as I hadn't thought about my great grandad in a few months. He was a ww1 hero, but now a distant memory.
If you are over 50 and have not bad health you are again lucky. It's when everyday becomes a struggle and your body just gives up. But like I say be positive atleast we are breathing.
JoulesJeopardy@reddit
Title he ks out for Gen X. So dark. So, so dark
AfraidPersonality854@reddit
Mine are already gone..
Same_Reality84@reddit
Huge hug to you. Losing our parents is the most devastating thing. I have felt exactly like you. My protection and shield are gone. My backup plans just in case. I feel like I’m on my own in a scary world. But I have to be strong because now I’m the protector of my children and grandchildren. But it still feels overwhelming at times. Just know you are not alone ❤️
No_Introduction_9355@reddit
Acceptance is the way
Aggravating-Shark-69@reddit
Sorry to hear about your dad. I haven’t lost my parents yet but just don’t feel like you’re alone since I turned 50 I’ve been thinking more and more about it and you’re right it is not healthy. It’s usually when I’m laying in bed at night and there’s nothing else on my mind. Best I can say is keep busy and try not to think about it though I know it’s hard to do good luck.
Nightcalm@reddit
Welcome to the front of the line.
Quirky-Pie9661@reddit
Try and think of it more like finally becoming old enough to run for POTUS
MotoXwolf@reddit
Sorry for your loss. My Dad passed about 7 years ago. I went through the same feelings of mortality. I’m still trying to process the thoughts of death and “the great beyond”. I have always been more interested in philosophy than organized religion. Lately I have enjoyed searching for some answers to “why” we are here and “where” we go when we die. I like to draw from all the sources I can, including what the organized religions tell us. Do I believe in a “Heaven and Hell”? No. It seems more like a tool to control the masses from being bad or doing bad things. I have my own internal compass and morality to deal with that. People have an internal sense of right and wrong built into them. A conscious. Lately I have found more solace in the thought that we all come from a great energy source that encompasses the entire universe. Now I believe we come from this source as a spark or light of being that is shot out into the universe, our soul. We are born from this great energy source and we return to it when we “die”. But “Die” is just a word. We do not die, but are again reborn from this energy source. I like to imagine that we are here in whatever life this is, to learn something before we return and are “reborn” again. Call it an “Energy Source”, call it the “Force” like Star Wars, call it “God / Heaven”or call it what you like. But I feel more relieved about my life and eventuality of death in this way.
Peace be with you all.
FirstNoel@reddit
I had that realization when my grandfather died. I saw my dad as next in line. Then me. It’s stark.
Continent3@reddit
My Dad passed from Parkinson’s a couple years ago. He was bedridden. He couldn’t breathe well. Was on oxygen. Could not control his swallowing. Was fed and drank through a stomach tube. Those weren’t great last days.
What it reminded me of is that there are fewer good days left. I think and try to make more of the good days now.
SouthOrlandoFather@reddit
I hope it passes for you. My mom passed 12/30/24 and then my dad passed 2/7/25. For about a month I had the feeling I could pass in an instant and was driving overly cautious and just living in a way that isn’t good. That period has passed for me so I hope it does for you too.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
This must still feel so raw for you though. I’m so sorry for your losses.
SouthOrlandoFather@reddit
Thank you so much. It is very interesting the phases I’m going through as I am also an only child.
SmellsPrettyGood2Me@reddit
hug
SouthOrlandoFather@reddit
Thank you!!!
Gudakesa@reddit
My parents are 82 and 85. They’re both healthy and take care of themselves well, but I know the day is coming. Last weekend they had me come over to show me where all the financial info and go over what they want. They’ve prepaid their Celebration of Life, had their headstone installed at their cemetery plot, and all those things that can be such a huge deal if left to the family. They even have a list of all the stuff in the house and who gets what.
My dad and I are both very pragmatic, so it was a surprisingly easy conversation.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Good for you!
My dad thought up til that Tuesday that there might be a chance. When the doctor said there was nothing left to do, I think he just quietly accepted his fate and gave up. He died early Thursday morning. Nothing, absolutely nothing was prepared. He lived as if there was no hurry, and nothing to prepare for us. It was a bit of a nightmare to figure out where he had put all the important stuff. My mom was clueless, and angry at me for trying to get on top of things.
Ok_Cantaloupe7602@reddit
I just lost my mom but two out of three of my husband’s post-college roommates have died, plus the brother of one of the roommates. A friend’s brother died last year and he was younger than me.
Imaginary_Attempt_82@reddit
My mom just turned 75 on Tuesday and my dad turns 75 in June. They’re both pretty healthy but I know there’s a very good chance I’ll lose both of them in the next 10 years. Not ready for that.
Whodean@reddit
Parents death is one of the most physiologically devastating thing that can happen to a person. Lost both of mine in the last few years
Lonestar-Boogie@reddit
You're next.
I'm living forever.
Disastrous_Friend_85@reddit
The odds of being born are astronomically slim. Think of what incredible luck you’ve had to simply inhabit Earth. Sperm and egg had to coalesce at the exact moment it did for you to exist. Add to that that you were born into a loving family (extrapolating from your post) in a free country. No shame in acknowledging that you were dealt a pretty great hand. Sickness and death are the taxes we must pay for the privilege of getting a life. Even a tragically short life is better than never having existed. Try not to let fear cock up the rest of what you have. Easier said than done, I know. But worth it.
Distinct-Value1487@reddit
I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is rough.
If death were a straight line of succession, you'd be right. X would be next. But death comes for us when it comes for us, regardless of our age. We can take precautions and be careful to avoid accidents, but death is the great equalizer. It comes for us all.
Could be today, could be in a hundred years, assuming medical technology somehow keeps going after being defunded around the world.
But death doesn't have to be depressing. Yes, we miss our deceased loved ones, and the concept of death can be frightening. But we didn't know what it'd be like to be born before we did it, and I'm sure we were pretty scared when that was happening, too. But then, boom, we were alive. We didn't know what life was like before we were conceived. Where were our essences pre-conception?
No one knows for certain. And that's okay. These existential questions have been asked by everyone in one way or another throughout human history, and we're no closer to knowing anything for sure. All we know is that if we live, we will one day die.
That means, we have to make the most of things while we're here. It's a reason to push yourself to do the things you've always wanted to do. To enjoy all the little things.
The concept of death can lead you to fear, or it can lead you to appreciation.
I almost lost my spouse to stage 4 stomach cancer. They're still recovering after all their surgeries, procedures, and treatments, but they're doing so much better now. They had lost their mother to breast cancer 12 years prior, and subsequently, they thought they wouldn't make it. So, we did everything we could to appreciate the time we had left during their treatments, and that attitude has stuck with us. We still celebrate the seemingly small wins and watch the sunsets in awe and enjoy meals with gusto.
Death is still scary, ngl. But when you make the most out of every moment, it's a lot less scary. You miss out on less and live more, and if you're afraid of dying, there is nothing more life-affirming than doing everything you can to live more.
And regarding your note about the mortal therapist not being able to help you due to their own fear of death, that doesn't track. When you need help with something, it's best to go to an expert. If a therapist fears death, they're likely an expert on dealing with fearing death. To me, that makes it sound like they're exactly what you need in this regard.
Best of luck.
Sinsyne125@reddit
I think it's important for aging folks dealing with the thoughts you're facing to practice "mindfulness." I know that will cause some folks here to have an "eye roll," but it does make a difference. It keeps you focused on living and enjoying the present moment. It can keep you balanced.
Father Time comes for us all, and we can't control that, but we can control the here and now. Worrying too much about the future diminishes the joy and happiness that you could be experiencing right now with your friends, family, or when participating in a favorite hobby.
I know it sounds weird, but when I hit my 50s and my folks passed away, I found myself falling into that trap. But I realized that I was just "making time go faster" by dismissing what each day could be. You start chasing the "futility," and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You have to consciously break the habit.
When I started practicing "mindfulness," it forced me to figure out how to slow down and not waste days. It stopped me from the endless thinking that just focuses on futility and leads to "paralysis." Figuratively, there are so many people who could be outside on a bright sunny beautiful day and say, "Well, it's supposed to rain tomorrow, so what's the use? Let's just stew.." I think I was becoming one of those people.
Bascially, it forced me to stop sitting on my ass and thinking too much and got me up and about and doing more things. Little things that were right in front of me that added more joy and feeling to my life. It taught me not to forego the joy of the real present for thoughts about the hypothetical future.
waldorflover69@reddit
I suggest reading Pema Chodron’s “How we Live is how we die”
Really gave me some perspective on death
Crusty8@reddit
My last grandparent died in 2012. My dad died 2015 and my mom just died six weeks ago. It makes me feel like my siblings and I are at the front of the line.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
That’s it, that’s what I was trying to express. Despite my mom still being alive, I feel like I’ve moved up to the front of the line with no cover.
Traditional_Fan_2655@reddit
I'm so sorry. Watching someone close yo you pass away from cancer is brut a l both for the person dying and to you. It leaves scars. I hope you can soon mentally focus on the previous laughter instead.
Losing my mom, my sister, my partner, several cousins, and all but one aunt and one uncle, I understand the fear. It almost took me down for awhile. However, I'm now at the point of realizing I can be fearful and miserable for the remaining time I have, however much or little, or I can make darn certain I enjoy every last one of them that I have.
I.hope you rea h that pointvsoon. It isn't anoutbwhen you die, but what you do until that day comes.
whistlepig4life@reddit
I’ve been hit by an SUV. I’ve had a heart attack. Yeah. Death has been chasing me for a while now.
TangerineLily@reddit
My parents, aunts, & uncles were all Silent Gen. The last one died in 2019. Most of my cousins are Boomers, so we're the elder generation now. It's weird that all the "Adults" from my childhood are gone.
thwill2018@reddit
It’s crazy I’m reading this. I’m the only one left in my nuclear family! Not like we wore a conventional family I’m 53. It’s crazy because mom, brother dad and sister all been dead. 10+ years now and 12 years ago today was the day that I received the word that my dad had died! Condolences for your loss. I definitely can relate.
Solomon33AD@reddit
Unfortunately, I never had a good relationship with my parents. They are now in their early 80s. I was their youngest son and they are pre-WW2 and during WW2 babies.
I am thankful and happy for all the Gen-Xers that DO have a good relationship with their parents. Enjoy every minute.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
I’m sorry about your situation.
My already complicated relationship with my mom went south during dad’s final weeks, and has continued to be fraught and hurtful, so I feel like I lost both of them.
Solomon33AD@reddit
Oh gosh, so sorry. In my case, it was mainly me (as an adult), but related to things from when I was a kid/teen. My parents were strict old school Southerners. Harsh disciplinarians, and somewhat cold. A product of their parents generation (Depression era teens/young adults in the Deep South).
Incredibly, my mother's grandfather (who passed of course a long time ago), was abandoned /orphaned by the Civil War in NC.
So1_1nvictus@reddit
I hear you loud and clear, hang in there
Curious-Money2515@reddit
We almost certainly still have lots of time. My most recent family death was part of the greatest generation. I know lots of the "silent generation" still living active lives. Boomers are all around us.
Look at how old our politicians are and still alive.
RREDDIT123456789@reddit
I’m sorry for your loss. I was left by my folks too early. I felt distraught. Abandoned and alone, I came to the realization that my generation was next. Life was mine now, my folks gave me survival skills and I was now here on my own, and had better use them. My only choice was to look up to life’s shortness and felt grateful that I’m still here. Life is short to dwell on misery, seek help please and enjoy your time on this earth!
Physical_Ad5135@reddit
So sorry about your dad. I visited the funeral home on Sunday for a viewing for a friend’s dad and I have gone to more of these recently. Do you have someone that you can talk to? Keep up on your own health by working out, eating healthy, limiting drinking / soda/ sugar etc. Don’t neglect screenings like colonoscopy and stuff.
PretentiousUsername1@reddit (OP)
Thank you. I’ve (deliberately) lost 40 lbs since this summer, I’m up to date on all screenings and age related issues I have, so I’m doing what I can. And I do have friends and a husband to talk to. I’m just…a little lost, I guess. I could never imagine losing dad would take such a toll on me.
MANEWMA@reddit
I find as im getting older im way more inclined to get my annual checkup and go to the Dr for issues. My folks are nearing the end and its definitely had a similar impact on me.
Catphish37@reddit
I lost my mom to cancer 10 years ago on Mother's Day, and my stepdad a few years later. I've never known a loss in my life like losing those two. To this day, I cry, I miss them, I agonize over them, at least weekly, if not daily.
At this point, I've just accepted that I will never get over it. They were too important to me, too fundamental to my life. Losing them was like losing limbs. I may have learned to function without them, but I'll never be whole again.
That said, I have a daughter and a couple of cats that need me, so I've made changes to ensure, as best as I can, that I'll be around for them. I've quit smoking, only drink socially, exercise daily, and eat much healthier, cutting out the majority of my previous sugar intake, and starting every day with a green smoothie. Hopefully, I can postpone my daughter's own suffering as long as possible.
But I'll be honest; if it weren't for her, and the cats, I think I might be ready to go myself. I've lost all of the core people of my childhood and young adult life. I don't fear death, really. Maybe a little. But mostly, when the time comes, assuming my daughter is on her feet and can make it without me, I'll be looking forward to passing. The world is hardly recognizable to me anymore, and I miss my people too much. 20 people in total. The thought of them waiting for me when I cross over is a wonderful thought indeed.
Anyway, death is part of the ride. I wouldn't fear it too much. It's as natural as the setting sun.
I would recommend finding and listening to some Alan Watts or Ram Dass. You might find some solace there.
Love and best wishes. ❤
scarletOwilde@reddit
My mum died at 65. We had a terrible relationship and her death was long and awful, meaning I had to make some traumatic decisions (amputations) and, finally, letting her go.
I was estranged from my father for most of my life. We reunited after my mother’s death and have been trying to make up for lost time. It hasn’t been easy. He’s 86, now.
I dread dealing with his death and try not to think about it. As for my own demise, I’m amazed to make it this far, so every day is a bonus and I don’t yet feel ancient.
Sam_N_Emmy@reddit
Losing a parent is tough, especially when cancer is involved. I lost my dad 8 years ago. I look at all that he missed in that time. I also look in the mirror and see myself at the age where he started to decline. I don’t like to think about getting old but I’m also understanding that I have limitations and things hurt in ways they didn’t before. I have a long road to go but I know the journey is getting shorter.
Cranks_No_Start@reddit
Tbf. No one gets out of here alive.
ThinkOutcome929@reddit
Responsible-Test8855@reddit
I lost all four of my grandparents by the time I was 25, and I am SOOOOO grateful that they all died within a few days of becoming ill. No long, painful battles with disease or dementia, no lingering in nursing homes that barely care for their patients.
I hope both of my parents go the sane way.
drifter3026@reddit
I've come to terms with being the elder generation at this point. Both my parents are gone (in 2011 & 2020), as well as an older brother (2014). All that's left of the generation above me are two aunts and an uncle, and they're in their 70's and 80's. Thus is life.
paid_shill_3141@reddit
I have always hated planning for retirement because the next stage is dead. Also once you’re retired and have grandkids there’s no way to ignore it, you’re old. You look old. You behave old. You remember old. The hourglass is running out and everyone knows it. You start figuring out how long you maybe have left and how many of those will be good years. You start looking at what took out your parents and wondering if that’s how you go.
Anyway,
Bollywood_Fan@reddit
Condolences on your loss, OP.
I had some living great grandparents, grandparents and a couple of their sibling, and my parents and their generation. Great grandparents and grandparents and their generations are gone, and a few from my parents generation. My parents are older and one is mentally diminishing, the other physically. I get what you mean about that "sheild", there are supposed to be older people between us and the end, and those people are going away. I don't know what to do either. Good for you for taking care of yourself though.
zoot_boy@reddit
Conveyor belt of existence.
threedogdad@reddit
I keep thinking about this as well. Just as you’re finally fully set up in life, everyone that was there during your growth starts dying :/ Sorry OP, life is rough.
Pleasant_Studio9690@reddit
I’m so sorry. I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer, as well. It was in 2007. I was 32. My little sister was 29, and she took it HARD. Life looks different after you lose a parent.
CaptFatz@reddit
everyman dies. not everyman really lives. William Wallace
No-Win-2741@reddit
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I went through that with my dad just 3 years ago now. It hurts every time I think of him and that's why I'm ready to go. I'm ready to see my dad again and if God took me as soon as I finish this comment I'd have no complaints. I've had a hell of a good time.
georgiemaebbw@reddit
I've been to 12 funerals in 3 years. Before that.. Maybe 6 my entire life.
dangerous_skirt65@reddit
So sorry to hear of your dad's passing. I know just what you're saying. My dad passed a few years ago and it damn near killed me. It was SO traumatic for me. I'm much better now, but my mom is now facing health issues. I turn 60 this year, so I suppose I've had a good run with my parents, but it's definitely surreal. I've also seen most of their friends and siblings pass over the past few years.