Feeling guilty, should I move back to Australia from UK? Mum received a bad health diagnosis.
Posted by Sidforeverhopeful@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 3 comments
Apologies in advance for the length of this question. I will attempt to leave it brief. I moved to Australia from the UK, stayed there for just shy of a year before I returned. I quickly realized that actually I want to live in Australia. You know the saying you have to lose something to truly appreciate it.
I have plans to return toward the end of this year / early next year. However very recently my mum received an unexpected bad health diagnosis. I'm contemplating whether I should stay or go back now?
Another issue I have is that my permanent residency for Australia will expire if I do not return back within 5 years. It's not easy to come by for Australia, I have friends trying to move / stay there at present as I write. Colleagues from work are trying to move there. I already have coveted PR status. So very lucky I do not underestimate.
Conversely I'm facing that my mum's health condition will deteriorate over time and I won't be there with her. I have other siblings, but I am deemed the most competent and most relied upon for family matters. I also worry that I know it will not be received well be moving back to Australia. It was not received well the first time around either with family.
Feeling guilty and very conflicted. Essentially do I stay and be with my mum? ( I have good local job security, I came back to a better position).
Or do I go to Australia as it's something I really want and had a better life when I was there? As if I stay I will not be able to get back into Australia on a permanent basis. So I would be closing that door.
However do I face leaving my mum behind? It's not next door either, it is quite a distance between the two countries.
I know nobody can wave a magic wand for me to decide, but I'm at a loss and thought I would throw it out for some clarity, other's views beyond my brain's constant contemplation. 😅
Thank you in advance, I really appreciate any responses. 😊
ChemistHorror@reddit
Ultimately nobody can tell you what you should do here, we can only share our experiences and opinions to maybe help you come to a conclusion by yourself.
My mum was diagnosed with cancer in July 2023, terminal in August 2023 and passed mid September 2023. I have no siblings and neither did she, it was just me and her. Now granted, I am only in Belgium so going back to the UK wasn’t really a huge effort but there was a lot of anxiety in that fact I wasn’t just down the road. I went to her the first week of September and spent 11 days with her before she passed.
I suppose I knew she was going to pass fairly quickly so I had a better idea of how long I’d be away, this may sound heartless but logistically I suppose I had an easier time with that. However, I wish I had gone back sooner, long before the terminal diagnosis and long before she even got cancer in the first place. When she became ill she lost that spark she always had and the once brave and strong woman I knew looked frail and scared, that was hard to see.
Perhaps it’s worth sitting down with your lovely mum and her doctors and seeing what the future looks like, not just the distant future but also the coming months. Hold a family meeting so everyone can get on the same page here and you can all work together and not against each other. If you decide to go back to Australia then make sure communication is frequent, video calls, texts, however you want to do it. Ensure you have a good buffer available for needing an emergency plane ticket and have a discussion with your employer outlining your situation.
It’s a hard decision and you feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I wish you and your mum the very best and I hope you make a decision that’s right for you ❤️
ChemistHorror@reddit
Ultimately nobody can tell you what you should do here, we can only share our experiences and opinions to maybe help you come to a conclusion by yourself.
My mum was diagnosed with cancer in July 2023, terminal in August 2023 and passed mid September 2023. I have no siblings and neither did she, it was just me and her. Now granted, I am only in Belgium so going back to the UK wasn’t really a huge effort but there was a lot of anxiety in that fact I wasn’t just down the road. I went to her the first week of September and spent 11 days with her before she passed.
I suppose I knew she was going to pass fairly quickly so I had a better idea of how long I’d be away, this may sound heartless but logistically I suppose I had an easier time with that. However, I wish I had gone back sooner, long before the terminal diagnosis and long before she even got cancer in the first place. When she became ill she lost that spark she always had and the once brave and strong woman I knew looked frail and scared, that was hard to see.
Perhaps it’s worth sitting down with your lovely mum and her doctors and seeing what the future looks like, not just the distant future but also the coming months. Hold a family meeting so everyone can get on the same page here and you can all work together and not against each other. If you decide to go back to Australia then make sure communication is frequent, video calls, texts, however you want to do it. Ensure you have a good buffer available for needing an emergency plane ticket and have a discussion with your employer outlining your situation.
It’s a hard decision and you feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I wish you and your mum the very best and I hope you make a decision that’s right for you ❤️
ChemistHorror@reddit
Ultimately nobody can tell you what you should do here, we can only share our experiences and opinions to maybe help you come to a conclusion by yourself.
My mum was diagnosed with cancer in July 2023, terminal in August 2023 and passed mid September 2023. I have no siblings and neither did she, it was just me and her. Now granted, I am only in Belgium so going back to the UK wasn’t really a huge effort but there was a lot of anxiety in that fact I wasn’t just down the road. I went to her the first week of September and spent 11 days with her before she passed.
I suppose I knew she was going to pass fairly quickly so I had a better idea of how long I’d be away, this may sound heartless but logistically I suppose I had an easier time with that. However, I wish I had gone back sooner, long before the terminal diagnosis and long before she even got cancer in the first place. When she became ill she lost that spark she always had and the once brave and strong woman I knew looked frail and scared, that was hard to see.
Perhaps it’s worth sitting down with your lovely mum and her doctors and seeing what the future looks like, not just the distant future but also the coming months. Hold a family meeting so everyone can get on the same page here and you can all work together and not against each other. If you decide to go back to Australia then make sure communication is frequent, video calls, texts, however you want to do it. Ensure you have a good buffer available for needing an emergency plane ticket and have a discussion with your employer outlining your situation.
It’s a hard decision and you feel like you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I wish you and your mum the very best and I hope you make a decision that’s right for you ❤️