Semi-joking with all of the following, but here’s what you’re getting yourself into by moving to DFW, traffic-wise, and I bring this to you as someone who was born in Seattle, but grew up here in DFW:

The left lane is for felonies. If you’re not doing 10-20 over the limit, get out. A lot of the time, even the cops are doing at least 5-10 over. If there’s one around you, just match their speed and they probably won’t bug you. Just don’t be doing 90-100 over any hills, because you never know when there’s gonna be a motorcycle cop sitting in the left shoulder on a bridge with zero regard for his own personal safety. He might let the 20 cars around you going the same speed pass by without a second thought, but he’ll probably get you.

Generally, if the speed limit is 55, you’re actually expected to be doing 65. If it’s 65, 75. And so on. Except in small outskirt towns. Do the speed limit. No more. You may even want to do below the speed limit is small outskirt towns. The cops in these places are so bored that they’ll pull you over for doing .004% over the speed limit or for having an air freshener “obstructing your windshield”.

All the freeways suck. Regardless which one you’re on, there’s always going to be construction somewhere along all of them, and there’s also random congestion points that make little to zero sense in a few places along each one; don’t get comfortable riding close behind someone when you’re cruising at 70 and traffic seems light, because you never know when you’re suddenly going down to 3 mph. You’ll eventually learn where these points are and at what times of day to expect them to be especially bad. Sometimes though, it truly is random. Just be ready to brake always lol. Sometimes we just like to all collectively slam on the brakes for no apparent reason. Maybe we’re just keeping each other’s senses sharp. Thanks guys!

Treat freeway entrance ramps like you’re actually leaving the pits on Texas Motor Speedway. Never done that in your own vehicle? Definitely try it sometime, but in laymen’s terms, punch it. Meet or exceed the speed of traffic, or it’s gonna be hell trying to fit in to merge. People don’t want to let you merge. Idk what it is, but people DO NOT want you to join them on the freeway. You must enter faster than them as a sign of dominance which they might acknowledge and respect enough to not intentionally close whatever gap you’re aiming for. Especially if you’re driving a small car. The pickup trucks don’t see you as equals unless your driving makes up for your size.

If you’re entering a ramp and the freeway is backed up, some people might be nice and leave a gap for you to enter, since we all move faster when we leave space for merging, but about half or more of the population doesn’t understand that the rules haven’t changed from my previous point regarding merging at speed. They might still try to close gaps and not let you in, even as you’re running out of road before your lane ends in a wall, and in this case, you just have to be more assertive than they are and basically play chicken with them by starting to merge regardless if they’ve left space for you or not; usually, people will opt to back off and let you in than just letting you hit them. This has been my tactic for years, and I have yet to find someone who has opted instead for me to play bumper cars with them.

Many Texans don’t know how to yield (unless it’s at a roundabout, in which case they think a yield sign is a stop sign), and many Texans don’t understand how a dual turn works. Always expect the guy next to you to completely ignore all lines painted on the road. If you anticipate that every single car around you at any moment might cross five lanes of traffic suddenly and with zero indicators, you will find yourself well prepared to react when that one-out-of-ten wacko does in fact go for it. Always watch your blind spots, not because you’re about to get over, but because there might be some idiot about to just bump into the side of you because they aren’t checking their blind spots.

Sometimes someone might fly by slower traffic just holding the bird out their window for half a mile for seemingly no reason. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes people just lose their cool. Best to ignore them, but also don’t feel bad chuckling to yourself when you see them stuck somewhere way off in the grass median in another mile.

TL;DR,

We’re all insane, the roads are terrible, just be fast, know where you’re going, and be respectful but also don’t be shy lol.