Anon doesn't understand Elves
Posted by Sethleoric@reddit | greentext | View on Reddit | 89 comments
Posted by Sethleoric@reddit | greentext | View on Reddit | 89 comments
computertanker@reddit
For those who don’t get it cause they haven’t read the Silmarillion:
Tl;dr humans are basically the chosen race of the creator gods and their short lifespans and lack of connection to magic is a blessing in disguise. They get to experience life their own ways yada yada.
Meanwhile elves are hyper reliant on the fading magical energy of the world, and something something aren’t truly living their lives. Also iirc the elves kinda know god said “humans are my favorite :)” and are upset.
Alavocado@reddit
So do half-elves get the best of both worlds?
Firefighter-Salt@reddit
Half elves don't exist in the traditional sense. They are basically elves that are given the choice of remaining fully elves or becoming humans after a point. If they choose to be human then they turn into a "normal" human and will die of old age, if they remain an elf then they are full bloodied elves for all intents and purposes.
Alavocado@reddit
If I choose to be human do I still keep my Elvish good looks and slim figure? Maybe also the pointy ears?
Firefighter-Salt@reddit
Yeah, it's less of a physical transformation from one species to another and more of choosing your fate. Arwen basically chose the gift of man(mortality) while giving up the chance to go to the undying lands and living forever like her kin.
snackynorph@reddit
And Aragorn lived to a ripe old fucking age the legend
wene324@reddit
Wasn't he already like 90 by the time of fellowship?
Camburgerhelpur@reddit
87 I think
Expensive-Ad-1205@reddit
yes but his ancestors on numenor could expect to live to like 3 or even 400 sometimes
ojqANDodbZ1Or1CEX5sf@reddit
If one of your ancestors only lived to 3 years, that probably isn't actually an ancestor and you got - to use a Sindarin term - Ancestrocucked
ShortTheseNuts@reddit
So what's the undying lands then? Is that explained? I'm fuming every time I watch the movies that it's never explained in the slightest.
TheEstyles@reddit
Khelgor@reddit
100%. It’s a bit much to explain but in layman’s terms: the spirit changes and where you go when you die changes. What elves really look like in all their splendor is what Frodo sees when he’s on the banks of the river. He sees Glorfindel (the second coolest elf) in all his splendor and might, a brilliant shining white light that is blinding to him.
Extreme-Kitchen1637@reddit
No you explicitly look like Carl for Aquateam hunger force. Regardless of gender.
Alavocado@reddit
I thought half-Dwarves got the Carl build.
Aruthuro@reddit
No, the ears and hair fall off.
Slg407@reddit
are they supposed to fall off?
threadditor@reddit
Not usually, no.
Slg407@reddit
then why did they fall off?
thebiggestleaf@reddit
The downside is you lose that tight elven bussy.
ShortTheseNuts@reddit
That's what the hobbits are for
5sharm5@reddit
Yes, and most of your descendants too, since elvish genes are strong. It’s why Aragorn has a much more elvish look to him than the rugged figure he was in the movies.
Molmor_@reddit
How do they "choose"? Who the hell offers the choice to them and how?
BanzaiKen@reddit
Elves have to follow magic to survive, Sauron and Saruman more or less cracked the world and as the magical forests became drained they had to flee West to the Undying Lands. The dying of magic is the main reason Treebeard goes on his incel rampage, he no longer gives a fuck because Saruman has been an awful steward of his forest and the Ent Maidens and most Ents fell asleep and became normal trees.
memefarius@reddit
Wasn't elrond a letteral half elf? As well as the children of aragon and arwen?
Captain_Sacktap@reddit
Yes, it was even part of his nickname, dude was literally called Elrond Half-Elven (can’t remember the elvish word for it, it’s Pere- something). Aragorn and Arwen’s kids would be a weird mix; because of her dad, Arwen is a quarter human and three quarters elvish, whereas Aragorn is a direct descendant of the Dunedain, who were a superior race of humans, but he also has elvish blood because his distant direct descendant was also a half-elf, and also Elrond’s brother, making Elrond his great great great great great etc. uncle and Arwen is his super distant cousin. So idk if Aragorn and Arwen’s kids would really be half-elves, they’re more like 1/8th elvish and the rest is a mix of different types of humans.
dicericevice@reddit
All right, so half elves definently go on the bottom pile in terms of fictional human hybrids.
At least half-kitsunes and other half-animal people let you keep all the cool powers while staying 90% human.
georgiavirginia@reddit
Half-Saiyan is where its at.
Gohan, Trunks and Goten look completely human while having planet busting power. There literally is no downside.
Heck, Trunks and Goten were even born without tails(for some reason).
LordRatini777@reddit
It's because of the Saiyan genes that awaken when you turn super saiyan so there's really no need for tails anymore, and it also sometimes just skips generations and diluted blood and Toriyama just forgot okay? Please stop asking questions and enjoy punchy guys punching stuff.
georgiavirginia@reddit
I'm now imagining what would Dragon Ball lore look like if it was made with the time and care LOTR was.
No hate on Toriyama, dude had to crap out a new chapter weekly. The fact that the Androids/Cell arc was born out of him liking Terminator so much is both funny and impressive.
ambermage@reddit
Not overly dependent on magical bullshit.
Amazing hair.
Checks out
kpingvin@reddit
Yeah but they get micropenises.
295DVRKSS@reddit
I bet that half elf bussy is sublime
Finndogs@reddit
That, along with the fact that when men die, their souls get to go to the Hall of Mandos,, where they get to chill with God forever.
When elves die (killed), they're still bound to the shifty dying world.
Affectionate-Cod4152@reddit
That's not the only thing, elves are permanently tied to the world, whilst when humans die their soul will get to explore the universe beyond what anyone else will see.
Ok-Anxiety-5813@reddit
Is this like actually proven or just the settings religion
(Sort how christians have heaven and hell, but they are not proved.) Is their afterlife fully proven to be real within the setting?
Cowslayer369@reddit
Huh, so that's where Todd Howard got the thalmor lore from
untakenu@reddit
Thalmor
Talmor
Talmur
Talmud
Interesting.
Now, who did you say these chosen people were?
Cowslayer369@reddit
The Thalmor were salty with humans to begin with, but their main point of aggression and the official reason for the entire conflict that takes place in current Elder Scrolls lore is the fact that a man titled Talos ascended to stand alongside the Aedra as the ninth Divine. It's hinted that Talos may overall be the god of Man, an apotheosis of several people - but TES doesn't have concrete lore as everything comes from in-universe books that are written by fictional authors, many with opposing viewpoints on the same thing.
But the gist of it is that a man became a god, while returning to their divine origins is the main goal the High Elves have had for milennia.
ItsImNotAnonymous@reddit
All fantasy worlds/storytelling is just LOTR but with tweaks here and there.
Cowslayer369@reddit
Yeah, but "elves malding because their gods prefer humans" is a bit on the nose imo
heres-another-user@reddit
Well maybe if the mer actually bothered to fucking worship their gods, they'd still be favored. But no, they gotta invite daedra in on that shit and leave the all powerful dragon god to seek worship from the true chads.
ChoiceFudge3662@reddit
The elves in ES when the race they enslaved and tortured rises up, brutalizes their race with the help an insane man who’s too angry to die:
Legit, thalmor have no right to me mad, but they can just continue to fuck around and find out.
TheBookGem@reddit
No it is not, it's just that most western fantasy works today derive heavily from Tolkien, but Tolkien was not the first in fantasy, nor have all works that came after him been derived of his works either.
Absolutemehguy@reddit
Elder Scrolls is pretty much high fantasy but everyone's racist af
zw1ck@reddit
So lotr
PrescientPorpoise@reddit
God is gay, being an elf sounds better.
Thin-Concentrate5477@reddit
This is such a Christian take to creator/creature. Reminds me of the story of Saint Anthony the Great who was physically beat up by demons only to have Jesus show up in the end saying "I was here but I wanted to see your struggle" lol.
Tz33ntch@reddit
Wait til you realize the whole gollum thing at the end of lotr
Tz33ntch@reddit
Elves also don't get (true) free will, their whole story is pre-written and known to the Valar, while humans fate is up them
As others have said, elves are tied to the world, they're basically NPCs, part of the setting for humans to experience
kungfungus@reddit
But they can be killed. So, kool-aid time at 100 years or something.
TheBookGem@reddit
The humans are also the only beings besides the ainur who will continue to exist outside arda once it is destroyed, all other beings and creations will cease to exists as they are bound to arda forever. Thus humans are trully the only immortal race.
Captain_Sacktap@reddit
You’d be upset too if you were a borderline immortal with millennia of knowledge and experience only to be told that god prefers what, from your perspective, looks like a pack of mentally challenged toddlers.
Automatic_Llama@reddit
So... Elves are angels?
will19@reddit
No. That's Gandalf, no joke.
mehrotr@reddit
I actually own a copy and did try reading it. Just couldn't get through it. It was a tough read.
PrrrromotionGiven1@reddit
What a load of fucking bollocks
Afillatedcarbon@reddit
Elves are pointy eared leaf lovers, thats all
DoctorErtan@reddit
ROCK AND STONE
KawaiiFisho@reddit
FOR CARL!
shurdi3@reddit
Humans alone have the gift of Iluvatar. Only they can change the fate of the world, whereas the rest must follow the song note for note.
Fuhrious520@reddit
But it was the hobbits thst cast the ring into the mountain???
Slam_dp@reddit
Hobbits are just smol humans dingus
QuinnAvery89@reddit
Elrond hates the Matrix and wants to end it did you even watch the movies?
igerardcom@reddit
Humans are a virus, Mr Aragorn.
Fuhrious520@reddit
Elves are so jealous of humans for being mortal which is why they fucked off to elf island so they can stay immortal instead of staying and being able to die, because... Because they just did ok!
in_elation@reddit
Are the Elves jealous of humans though? I don’t really remember that, at least in the movies
tobeonthemountain@reddit
The Silmarillion hasn't been adapted yet because the Tolkien estate doesn't want to release the rights
AnatomicalLog@reddit
I feel the Silmarillion could only really work in an animated mini-series.
Steveius@reddit
As they shouldn't. All of the recent "adaptations" have been massively disrespectful to Tolkiens work.
tobeonthemountain@reddit
Personally I disagree
Like Elvis's songs selling bones pills it will definitely have some misses but I think it should be added to the public domain because just being a family member of someone who made a work doesn't matter as much as making it.
Steveius@reddit
"Disrespecting the creators intentions and wishes is fine because he's dead."
Okay guy, your exactly the type of person that makes me glad the estate is holding on to his work.
tobeonthemountain@reddit
No I said for public domain. It is going to happen but in the same way that Tolkien was pulling from old legend fiction writers should be able to pull from fiction.
Cyhawk@reddit
FTFY.
tobeonthemountain@reddit
Hasn't
And idk. Amazon somehow got Rings of power off the ground but yeah i guess it is the last thing Tolkien wrote that wasn't turned into a movie so they might be holding out
horse-shoe-crab@reddit
They are, because they are stuck on Earth forever while humans get to go to heaven.
Humanity as a collective also has a say in deciding what heaven is going to be like. Some elves hope that enough people will say "hey, elves were cool to us, they should hang out with us too" and they will be freed as well.
So it's not that elves have infinite wisdom and have to babysit humanity forever, eventually humanity will surpass them and care for them in return.
AssassinOfFate@reddit
“Being human and dying someday is a good thing actually.”
The age old cope.
DeepQueen@reddit
Fuck elves, I believe in hobbit supremacy. Hairy feet power! Hairy feet power!
Igotbannedlolol@reddit
Tarantino is that you
OldManMoment@reddit
Anon displaying his Tolkien-related ineptitude will never not amuse me.
mehrotr@reddit
Elves are tired of being mommy and daddy for the human race, the chosen fukwads!
HalayChekenKovboy@reddit
Well, if the Valar hadn't abandoned mankind, then they wouldn't have to. It's really all their fault. Eru might prioritise men, but the Valar pretty much don't give a fuck about any race aside from the elves (except Aulë, since he was the one who created the dwarves, and Ulmo the gigachad).
CorbinNZ@reddit
Anon: I ain’t reading all that
Sethleoric@reddit (OP)
Tfw when you can't properly go to heaven until the end times, tfw when you watch your kin or yourself get tortured or killed by orcs for thousands of years.
Practical-Practice-3@reddit
The face when when
Automatic_Llama@reddit
Mfw when got me smh my head
ItsImNotAnonymous@reddit
mfw when I have no face
captaincw_4010@reddit
Elves like all seniors get depressed because the passage of time kills the world they grew up in. No boomer would want to leave ether if they had magic rings that kept certain areas in the 1950s forever
Sethleoric@reddit (OP)
Damn, so it's like experiencing that again and again for thousands of years