ULPT Request: how to look more intimidating whilst wearing a suit
Posted by skffisqn@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 102 comments
My job requires me to wear a suit. I’m a big guy, and I’ve noticed that rude customers interact with me very differently than they do with my coworkers.
I want to capitalize on that. We work as a team, and honestly I don’t mind handling the difficult clients, as in turn my job gets easier in other areas.
How do I look more intimidating in a subtle way? Don’t want to point to potential violence in any way, and I still want to look professional. Also no tattoos, the job is not worth it.
samizdat5@reddit
A double-breasted suit generally looks more intimidating than a single breasted suit, because the shape of the jacket gives the illusion that the weather has broader shoulders and a more muscular physique. And darker colors are more intimidating than lighter colors. So a dark double-breasted suit with a dark blue shirt and a dark tie would be an intimidating look.
venusianinfiltrator@reddit
Black or charcoal suits, red accents. Really sells a demonic corpo look.
DrSkoff@reddit
It's not what you wear but how you wear it. Appear relaxed, confident and in control and people will generally behave.
soopirV@reddit
And make sure it’s a proper-fitting suit- nothing less intimidating than a dude who is rumpled and looks like he just came off the rack at Sears.
Fireproofspider@reddit
I disagree.
Bad suit fit isn't attractive for sure, but it can be intimidating as fuck. It gives an air of "nothing to lose". I can't share directly but if you use the "intimitading guy in ill fitted suit" and "same guy with tailored suit" prompts in chatGPT, you'll see what I mean. The tailored suit guy has rules to follow.
beautifulterribleqn@reddit
Never trust chatgpt for anything. It can't think.
Fireproofspider@reddit
Are you a bot lol?
You wouldn't trust chatGPT to create an image that you specifically told it to create? It's not as if you wouldn't be able to tell if it gave you the wrong image.
beautifulterribleqn@reddit
I'm an author. Chatgpt has been trained on writing and art stolen without permission simply because it was free and there was no law against it specifically, so that's already fucked up. Are my novels in there? Are my friends' novels in there? Are other people using chunks of my writing in their own somewhere?
But on top of that, chatgpt doesn't evaluate the answers it gives for veracity. It just gives you what other people have said, and it doesn't consider whether it was given in seriousness or in irony or in bad faith, so no one fully knows where the answers came from or how trustworthy they are unless they take time to check again themselves, aka doing their own research like they could've done from the start.
Also there's the cost. Every prompt everyone gives to chatgpt costs a bottle of water. Every single prompt. Everyone's homework and furry art and medical questions and character chatting, all of it, every time. That's a lot of water to be spilling in a time where we can't even all agree that having it clean and available is a human right.
So no. I wouldn't trust it to make art from a prompt I gave it. It's going to be giving me stolen artistic elements, and I might know one of the artists it stole from. And I'm not cool with doing that to my friends.
Are you?
Fireproofspider@reddit
Yeah, I've got no problem with it. And most people don't.
beautifulterribleqn@reddit
Tell me you contribute nothing artistic to the world without telling me you contribute nothing artistic to the world.
Fireproofspider@reddit
Funny enough I have sold a fiction book and I guess I was doing graphic design before. Doesn't really change anything.
soopirV@reddit
That’s a good point, I’m reminded of a quote from Douglas Adams about a body guard for Hotblack Desiato wearing “too-tight a suit that made it look like his muscles were jockeying for position” (paraphrase, don’t recall the direct quote, any other galactic hitchhikers here?
ExoticTrout@reddit
omg. Milliways. A 45 year old memory. Wow!
soopirV@reddit
Hope you’ve got your towel!
Commercial-Hawk6567@reddit
Second this. If the suit already fits right, not too tight or loose, it’s a matter of how you carry yourself. Then it’s your no non-sense expression and firm tone of voice.
Kamiden@reddit
Sunglasses, pen and notepad in your chest pocket, black shoes, and a flat top haircut.
thisisnotmystapler@reddit
For some reason when I wear no-show socks with a suit I feel unhinged and reckless. That subtle breeze on my ankles changes the entire vibe for me.
The_Real_Scrotus@reddit
Buy your jacket a size too big and wear an empty shoulder holster under it.
Jeds4242@reddit
Wear an airsoft pistol in a holster, concealed carry but make it obvious. Do steroids so you get big and get a nicely tailored suit.
-0-O-O-O-0-@reddit
toughactin@reddit
Earpiece, hands ready, experience shooting sunglasses
GingerBeast81@reddit
A big beard that's well trimmed.
HoboScabs@reddit
Use meth and or steroids and get your fat ass in a shape other than fat.
imbackbitchez69420@reddit
A pair of sunnies would do the trick if you were outside, maybe something along that line.
Top_Employee_8944@reddit
Depends on ur end game and where u work..I'm guessing u work at a car lot as ur new to a suit..But more importantly, why is intimidation your objective..We need to know ur general profession for more specific guidance..
bikehikepunk@reddit
No matter what shape you are, get your suit professionally tailored for you. This is expensive, but makes even a cheap suit look fucking awesome. Not all of us are built like mannequins or models, they can buy off the rack and look good, we need a proper tailor. My last suit was a Burberry, cost me $300 to get it altered by the best guy in my city worth every cent. I wore it with a fresh Mohawk and felt like a euro trash hit man, only guys better dressed at that wedding were the groomsman in their Marine Dress Uniforms, nobody can compete with that!
Stalking_Goat@reddit
Here's a secret, Marine dress blues are also custom tailored. There's an alterations shop on every base.
bikehikepunk@reddit
That tracks, plus that they were active duty and in prime shape. Well, the effect is that all of us civilians look pretty lame next to them.
NoChangingUserName@reddit
Get wheeled out on a dolly Hannibal Lecter-style
Cyndy2ys@reddit
Suit should fit well and be impeccably clean. Same thing with grooming. The more “perfect” you look, the more intimidating people will find you. Use your size. Stand up straight, take up room, and look people in the eye.
btiddy519@reddit
Thick chainllink bracelet
xXHolicsXx@reddit
Make sure they know that you have piss discs and aren't afraid to leave them where they may lie (and melt)
Ok-Run-3464@reddit
Cauliflower ear
ziostraccette@reddit
Yeah but you gotta earn those
ThiccDiegoBrando@reddit
There is a video crushing his ears between weight plates
jim182182@reddit
Steve-O, that you? lol
ThiccDiegoBrando@reddit
Oh yeah he did it too didn't he? I thought of that bodybuilder that shoots himself with paintball guns
jim182182@reddit
lol. He's been trying for years to purposely get cauliflower ear. Not even close to happening though.
ziostraccette@reddit
Yeah I saw a guy doing it by smacking his ears between 2 hammers too
soopirV@reddit
But why
ziostraccette@reddit
Idk I saw it on a video a year ago, it looked like 2 teens that recently started some mma/kickboxing training and wanted to get cauliflower ears sooner
soopirV@reddit
lol, great start by faking street cred, that’ll work great.
The_Onlyodin@reddit
So, no pain no gain, you gotta earn those?
ziostraccette@reddit
It's like wearing a uniform while never been in the military. You can do it, but when shit goes down what you gonna do?
LengthinessTop8751@reddit
Yes
DaintyDancingDucks@reddit
Honestly, something heavy in one side of your jacket, it's the tell-tale sign of a concealed weapon (even if you don't have a weapon) when moving around
Otherwise, I'd throw some rings/chains on to give more of a "well dressed but hard background" vibe, nothing is scarier than a violent person that is wealthy
jim182182@reddit
Buzz your head down to a 1. I'm a bigger dude and with a buzzed head, I look mean and intimidating. My wife hates it though and I started growing my hair out for the first time in about 10 years. It's crazy how you go from resting mean mug to corporate looking joe schmoe in a matter of two months.
Primary-Golf779@reddit
Pluck your eyebrows into an angry v
Hughch@reddit
Piss your pants while maintaining eye contact with those customers
GreyLoad@reddit
While wearing the strap on mentioned above?
mosskin-woast@reddit
Depending on your attitude, the "plumbing" problem of this could be a hindrance or a help.
"That's right, bitch, I piss out the side of my hog; what're you going to do about it?"
OriginalAcidKing@reddit
Wear a massive strapon underneath your suit pants to make it look like you’re hung like a horse.
Stalking_Goat@reddit
There's another possibility.
praetorian216@reddit
slam a piss disk on the conference desk, as a sign of dominance
GreyLoad@reddit
What if it's already melted
goodiamglad@reddit
Splash effect
kooshans@reddit
While screaming uncontrollably: "PISSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Followed by silence and a thousand yard stare.
AltruisticDebt4369@reddit
You got some funny replies. I’ll tell you something that actually happened when I worked in pharmacy. It was all women who worked there, so I stood out as a big bald guy with a beard. I was wearing a shirt that looked vaguely military. I was called to work the front and had been in back in a separate area. I didn’t know a patient was in the process of losing it on the person I was replacing. I stepped out really slowly and confidently with a serious look and just stood behind the register I was to take over and listened to what was going on. Thinking to myself “great, another crazy person. I’m done putting up with this treatment. So done.” I guess it showed on my face because she immediately stopped in the middle a string of vile words and said “wha..who…why’s he here?” I was just rotating positions but she thought they called security. It’s always been business casual where I’ve worked, but really it’s just casual because every time I’ve just felt like throwing on an old tie or jacket it causes a stir throughout the whole building. I’d think in a suit you’d get respect anyway. I’d just keep it conservative. I see guys wearing pink and bow ties and loud patterns with matching glasses, it’s hard to take them seriously. You want to look like a detective or secret service guy. Regimental ties. I like a nice watch. I wear a g shock often. After seeing how many famous people wore cheap digital watches with suits, I wore my g shock to work. It’s more about how you move and speak, slow, calm, and sure of yourself, eye contact and you don’t have to smile all the time. Other people notice Americans smile too much when there’s no reason to. Good luck!
AltruisticDebt4369@reddit
Also, you might get some inspiration from Stallone in Tulsa King. Intimidating and almost always wearing a suit.
HippolytusOfAthens@reddit
I work in a profession where quite a few men wear suits. Make sure that your suit is fitted well, and stylish. Also keep it pressed.
The grubby looking guy in a badly fitted, out of style suit is not intimidating. Unless he's a detective.
derekdedurk@reddit
Just one more question...
Brief-Eye5893@reddit
Shave your head, grow a goatee, insist people use “the” in front of your name like The Dave etc
panterachallenger@reddit
I think TaserFace is more intimating
Seattlehepcat@reddit
All this time, I've only been 2/3 of the way there.
JediRingBearer@reddit
Got it wrong at being called The Goatee?
Seattlehepcat@reddit
Never understood why it didn't take off. Maybe I need to switch it up to The Dave.
dwyer402@reddit
Tailored suit to fit perfectly. That alone says a lot.
finchslanding@reddit
Nice fitting suit like others have said, but also be well groomed, to look as if you belong in the suit. Nice haircut, trimmed beard, even nice nails - not bitten or dry.
Allison1ndrlnd@reddit
Use a cigar cutter to take one of their fingers.
Des_Orientiert@reddit
get a sexy face tattoo
beesandchurgers@reddit
Carry a single grenade around everywhere.
Casually set it on the desk as a power move.
Play with the pin a lot. Maybe ask if they want to hold it.
RuthTheWidow@reddit
(Omg) nonverbal extreme. Lol
Icy_Philosopher_3752@reddit
I suggest going Mexican Revolutionary and wearing a bandolier over your suit.
reddishgrape@reddit
Gaudy pinky ring
Stainless_Heart@reddit
Full goatee (circle beard) with shaved head always works.
SK-86@reddit
When you say "big guy", do you mean you're fat? Because fat isn't intimidating, at all. If you're big in the sense that you're tall and muscular, that's a different story.
knx0305@reddit
You mean like Terry Tate, office linebacker?
Daddysnaughtygirl234@reddit
you need a custom suit that fits you properly. There is something about having the right fitted suit. I must say that when i first saw this post my over tired undercaffeinated brain saw swimsuit and the comment with the massive strap-on gave me some wild visuals. Having a massive cock is also not a bad idea either. The right kind of jewelry or accessories can also help. Google plus size men's suits and look at what you see. there is something about how they hold themselves that makes them look more powerful. If nothing else works,Let me know I am good arm candy.
pickles_are_delish_@reddit
Wrap around sunglasses
BeefStu907@reddit
Those telegraph erectile distinction
Sum-Duud@reddit
bald head, nice beard, work out, uzi
AdministrationTop772@reddit
Mob-style pinstripe suit, one size too small so it looks like you're bursting out of it. And a gold pinky ring.
Wolf_in_CheapClothes@reddit
Get some easy break prop beer bottles. When someone is getting aggressive, break a bottle over your head and growl.
alaraja@reddit
Stop saying whilst
moe_leste@reddit
Wear a Fragrance, that matches the environment but also transports the right message and completes your appearence. Trust me, it´s more effective than you might think.
I´d suggest something like Tom Ford - Oud Wood.
Secret-Weakness-8262@reddit
I don’t know man a good fragrance just makes a man dreamy to me, not intimidating. Like if I get a whiff of some good cologne on Michael Myers in a haunted house, I’m no longer scared I’m turned on (and yes maybe this is a true story lol)
PantherBrewery@reddit
WD-40
Puzzleheaded_Iron406@reddit
or machine gun grease
Lemurian_Lemur34@reddit
Wear a mafia-esque ring and/or chain
me-lmao-jeff@reddit
Pad out a side to make it look like you have a concealed firearm! Or conceal a firearm inside them
RedDogInCan@reddit
Cuban heels - makes you taller and walk with purpose.
Puzzleheaded_Iron406@reddit
or high heels......'this guy is whacked'
berrylakin@reddit
Paint the suit on
Linvaderdespace@reddit
How do you feel about being battered in the face until it leaves visible scarring?
belliJGerent@reddit
I’d say shave your head
Rico802@reddit
Be in shape. No one wants to fight with a person that they think will actually give them a run for their money.
Edvart@reddit
Face tattoo
LoraxVW@reddit
Get a big scar across the side of your face.
No_Flamingo9331@reddit
Omar style
JoulesJeopardy@reddit
Buy the best quality you can afford without going into debt that you can’t pay off.
If you can swing it, go bespoke.
oeeoe@reddit
You should try the different combinations of ties and pocket squares with your suit These things not so expensive but make a lot of difference
Future_Usual_8698@reddit
Go to both a low end men's store and a few dry cleaners, ask how much it would be to make your jackets look a bit too tight, without being uncomfortable- tell them you're going to be working as a bouncer or security this sumer and want to look bigger.