ULPT: Always carry a bike lock with you.
Posted by NoMeAnexen@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 163 comments
This way, if someone steals your parking spot, park too close to you or something like that, you can hook a service cart onto their door handle.
crxshdrxg@reddit
Fellas unless you’re specifically paying for that specific parking spot it’s not being stolen from you FYI
KingKookus@reddit
Being inconsiderate or rude should start coming with punishments.
crxshdrxg@reddit
You know what’s inconsiderate or rude? Locking a cart with a bike lock to someone’s vehicle because in your mind they “stole” your parking spot meanwhile they probably didn’t realize they had stepped onto your lordships lands while innocently shopping. This subreddit is filled with assholes
KingKookus@reddit
Two things can be true at once. Also… did you forget what sub this was?
crxshdrxg@reddit
I don’t think this topic befits this sub as it helps no one
KingKookus@reddit
1200 upvotes on the post says you’re wrong.
crxshdrxg@reddit
If 1200 people decided to jump off a bridge would you follow them? I mean I know that’s corny but you have to consider my point, doing that just isn’t the adult thing to do. First, you risk retaliation, wether legal or they catch you and try to harm you. People can drag your ass into court for anything. Second as I said it doesn’t help you at all. I can support tying a bike lock to someone’s door handle for something serious, but for “stealing” a parking spot? Can’t imagine being upset over something so trivial
Character_Film5382@reddit
You've never been in a hurry and some ignorant selfish asshole took up that extra spot that would have made your day a little easier?
MycologistBig5083@reddit
Can you stop harassing me now. Thanks
lemmylemonlemming@reddit
Guys, this is day one stuff. Wire tie underneath the car around the axle. That bastard will slap around under their car and make an insanely louder noise the faster they go. Come on guys. I thought we were all professionals here.
Be_Like_Water_Friend@reddit
Wire tie?
madsheeter@reddit
Zip tie. The lgbtq community(electricians) call them cable ties
meowmommyjett@reddit
phAhahaha
M33s4@reddit
My niece is lgbtq AND and electrician. She got a bigger laugh than I did out of this one! 😭😭🤣😂🤣😂
lemmylemonlemming@reddit
Whoa fella. How ya gonna do a sparky like that? I'm assuming from your name you're a mud man.
madsheeter@reddit
Lmao, the name comes from sheeting a huge roof with 3/4" T&G. So carpenter.
I actually know a couple normal sparkles, but you gotta admit, there sure is a stereotype.
TartMore9420@reddit
I had a roofer who said that he had "no issue with gays" but that all electricians were gay and that they shower together. As a civilian, I have no clue where this trope comes from
TheWallaceWithin@reddit
My dad was a sparky. It was tough once a month when all the other sparkies came over to our little single wide to shower together.
TartMore9420@reddit
I feel ya buddy. My dad was a milkman, the school run was chaos.
lemmylemonlemming@reddit
It comes from the jealousy of fellow tradesmen who instead of working daily with fundamental forces of nature like electric, choose instead to work with how to direct poop in pipes or how to put nails into wood or stack rocks on top of each other.
DUNNJ_@reddit
I’m a carpenter who will absolutely talk smack about sparkies. It’s just because I’m insecure about not being intelligent enough to understand their trade.
lemmylemonlemming@reddit
Dude, I'm telling ya, I can tell ya about ohms law all day but if I try to cut and fit a piece of drywall, I will measure twice, cut once and then stand there wondering how I just fucked up so badly.
DUNNJ_@reddit
All joking aside, I think this is why I have equal respect for all good tradies. They know their stuff and they’ve worked hard to learn it.
Cucumberneck@reddit
Plumber here. From reality.
lemmylemonlemming@reddit
Man I'm trying really hard not to disrespect my fellow tradesmen. I would like to say that electricians shower together only to make sure that all the electrons we might have gathered on our bodies during the workday aren't taken back to our unsuspecting families.
Rachel_Silver@reddit
I see not much has changed since I was in the trades.
UndecidedQBit@reddit
As a lesbian I had no idea this was a thing and then I remembered, I’m studying IT and we are basically electricians that read the ‘lectricity… now adopting this as part of my culture now.
madsheeter@reddit
I love that, but I need you to know that it's not a slight to the community. Totally support you, and your right to be you.
Within the trades there are some stereotypes, and electricians are... well, typically weird. Kinda like iron workers needing to have a DUI to join the union
UndecidedQBit@reddit
Oh I know haha. It seemed good natured. Idk how I figured that but I think it’s because I know a lot of tradespeople IRL.
CanadianCannababe@reddit
Judgmental that u
Dr_Ayebolit@reddit
lmao
TheMightyMisanthrope@reddit
I want you to know that I can't laugh without feeling a sharp pain and, well, I laughed
AlexCivitello@reddit
That's hot.
Be_Like_Water_Friend@reddit
Loved it
kex@reddit
Also: axle?
Cow-puncher77@reddit
A professional keeps zip ties and a spare harmonica in their door pocket…
Kestrel_VI@reddit
Zip tie a harmonica to the engine bay.
At 60mph, it’s hard to tell it’s a harmonica and not a swarm of demon wasps
Cablome@reddit
Have done the long plastic zip ties on a tailshaft before, always hilarious
Skeggy-@reddit
Carry wheel weights instead. Much smaller and funnier.
CBus-Eagle@reddit
I’m intrigued. What are wheel weights and what do they do? I
tlollz52@reddit
Don't do this. It could lead to some serious injuries
Youpunyhumans@reddit
Wheel weights? No, lol. Ive seen vehicles driving with 10 pounds of mud on each wheel and that didnt make anything fall off, a few ounces of wheel weight in the wrong place wont do anything other than make the wheel vibrate at higher speeds.
Source: I was a tire tech for several years.
otatew@reddit
Something a 'yoot' would do.
Youpunyhumans@reddit
A "yoot"? Never seen or heard that term before, whats it mean?
OverallManagement824@reddit
https://youtu.be/Hu8tX2BAD1k?si=dvxfD0sIWpqVJbBp
Leading-Force-2740@reddit
just a friendly fyi, everything after the "?" in your link is basically unnecessary fluff that is used for tracking and to discover who knows who.
https://youtu.be/Hu8tX2BAD1k works perfectly without giving google/youtube any extra marketing info.
this tip works for pretty much any link that contains a question mark.
OverallManagement824@reddit
Thanks
Youpunyhumans@reddit
Ah I see says the blind man
otatew@reddit
https://youtu.be/oy1PvC3u5vU?feature=shared
tlollz52@reddit
The mud falls off. The weights don't.
People will drive around with their cars all fucked up until they can't drive anymore.
Youpunyhumans@reddit
Some mud will fall off when it hits the rotors or suspension, but quite often there is a cake of it pressed against the inner wheel well or can be imbedded between spokes, depending the rim itself. Ive for sure had to wash a lot of mud and snow off many wheels to work on them, its not like its an uncommon thing... If that doesnt make the wheels fall off, a wheel weight wont either. Ive even dealt with wheels that were wildly unbalanced, and those didnt come off either.
If your wheels are going to come off, then either your studs are about to break, or the lugnuts are loose.
RhinoG91@reddit
Sir, this isn’t Wendy’s
Just_Here_So_Briefly@reddit
Logic on Reddit, that too on this sub? Buddy, you know better.
mattmattmattmattmat@reddit
They're weights that you put on the inside of a wheel to balance it. If you put a bunch on someone's wheel in the incorrect place their car will shake like crazy at high speeds and they'll think something is wrong with it.
The only issue I could see with this tip is that you usually have to clean the wheel a little to get them to stick well. Most people's wheels are covered in dirt and brake dust. But I suppose if it's just out of spite you really aren't super worried if they're not completely secure.
KingKookus@reddit
Wouldn’t it be easier to just remove all the weights on there?
mattmattmattmattmat@reddit
Probably not. Depending on the type of wheel you might have to crawl completely under the car and you'd most likely need a flathead or something to scrape them off with. And even then, most passenger wheels only take an ounce or two, so the out of balance wheel wouldn't be that noticeable or annoying. However, if you slapped 2 strips of weights (usually around 3oz each) it would probably shake pretty violently. Bonus points if you use the strips of bigger weights we use for semi truck tires. If you cleaned it a bit, and got one strip to stick well enough, you could stack more on top of it and really fuck their day up.
Extra-Account-8824@reddit
baby wipes 😎
thegroucho@reddit
Those need to be car standard equipment.
madsheeter@reddit
Youtube how to balance a tire.
And then unbalance it
Curious_Sail2702@reddit
You can feed them to the tires that way when they roll they’re gonna feel full and become tired and not want to spin as fast making the driver pissed
disco-bigwig@reddit
I read this twice lol
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
What they actually do is off-centre the wheel mass and make it vibrate at speed.
lightleaks@reddit
Changes the alignment on your wheels
vitaly_antonov@reddit
Or take them off one wheel and put them on another.
EastArachnid35@reddit
That's evil AF.
I dig it
DifferentEdge9918@reddit
Came here to say this, I've got a pack in my glove box
Dirtbagdownhill@reddit
Eh you can always just knock the existing ones off
Glimmerron@reddit
Why? They won't understand.
Point is to make the feel the pain and understand
Skeggy-@reddit
I said why bud.
Smaller and funnier.
Heisalsohim@reddit
Why not both
AaBk2Bk@reddit
Locking gas cap?
WolfenSatyr@reddit
Vaseline on the wiper blades, flour on the windshield.
First instinct for the driver is to run the wipers to clear it off before moving.
Syringe full of fox lure
Insert it into the rubber gasket on the side window and give it a health squirt
That vehicle will stink like horny boy fox for months
Kestrel_VI@reddit
I thought this was about putting an extra lock on bikes to combat the spread of cyclists
vonhoother@reddit
Bikes parked on wheelchair ramps should absolutely be extra-locked. I'm a cyclist and that makes me see red.
PhilosopherUnique914@reddit
Get a bunch of marbles or ball bearings and put them in their hubcaps when they’re driving they’ll hear them spinning and when they stop it’ll stop, probably take them awhile to figure out.
JoulesJeopardy@reddit
Wait how do you do that???
PhilosopherUnique914@reddit
Either drop it in the holes on the hubcap if they have them or you can pop it off put it in and put it back on. A friend did this to his ex drove her crazy for six months until she had a flat changed and they found it.
JoulesJeopardy@reddit
I love this so much. I just need beef with someone now so I can do it
vonhoother@reddit
r/Meta_ULPT: the sub for finding unethical ways to get people to piss you off so you can get even with them. It's easy to piss people off, I do it all the time, but to get people to piss you off ... actually, they do that all the time too. Nevermind.
PhilosopherUnique914@reddit
I've gotten pebbles in my hubcaps and the sound just drives you crazy, it's like a high pitched whirring sound.
Zakkar@reddit
Just rocks will work too.
ajw248@reddit
A big cable tie achieves pretty much the same as a low grade bike lock for less money, so you can do it more often.
virtualchoirboy@reddit
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Commercial-Electric-24in-Heavy-Duty-175lb-Tensile-Strength-UL-21S-Rated-Cable-Zip-Ties-15-Pack-UV-Black-GT-630HDUV-15/323876552
Just under $13 for a 15 pack and they're not coming off without tools. The 2 foot length means you could go around anything that sticks out like a mirror, a trailer hitch, maybe even through an open tire...
Ashirogi8112008@reddit
You can just cut these off with a knife....something every grown adult should have with them already
PalatableRadish@reddit
You shouldn't carry knives, it's very dangerous. Illegal where I live.
Ashirogi8112008@reddit
That seems exceptionally unlikely, what's more likely is that you're misunderstanding your local regulations.
It's more dangerous to be unable to cut your seatbelt off in an accident, or any number of other basic day-to-day situations where you'd want to cut something, than it is to carry a small harmless tool that humans & other species have carried & used for thousands of years.
If carrying a knife is sincerely, 100% forbidden where you live, it's a huge sign that you should either get away from that place or fight for reform because your fundamental human rights are being stepped on.
unctioningfalcoholic@reddit
Found the American. I’ve lived 38 years in the UK, and not once needed a knife in a ‘basic day-to-day’ situation.
DojaViking@reddit
I've carried a knife since a child, I always find a need for it whether it's cutting something, eating a block of cheese, impromptu screwdriver, whatever. Knives can be very versatile in their uses.
But then again I'm American so I also carry a firearm but that is a whole different story LOL
quirkelchomp@reddit
The block of cheese has got me rolling. You just encounter blocks of cheese in the wild? On the regular??
vonhoother@reddit
On the rolling hills of Wisconsin, where the flocks of wild cheddar, Swiss, and even the elusive Muenster still roam free, one never leaves home without a knife, cutting board, and a box of crackers.
DojaViking@reddit
Occasionally... Lol
thatoneotherguy42@reddit
American here and I've needed a knife often enough to have carried one for decades, especially when I was working the trades.
unctioningfalcoholic@reddit
Oh yeah, as a tradey sure, but the idea that ‘every grown adult’ should be carrying around a knife with them every day is absurd (outside of America)
xXHolicsXx@reddit
American here. I got into a confrontation with someone and they whipped out a knife and we're going to stab me in broad daylight on a busy street, but when I pulled out my knife they backed off and after a bit of tough talk we both went on our merry ways.
Had to even the odds, bro really wanted to stab me but didn't want to get stabbed himself. So I can say, My knife likely saved my life that day, and I didn't even have to use it.
GeeTheMongoose@reddit
I mean yeah. The guy who wins the knife fight dies in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.
Billthebanger@reddit
I’m a Canadian and carry a knife everyday it comes in very handy. I even have my wife carry a knife in her purse.
Hapalops@reddit
It's saved me so much hassle over the years to have a two inch blade on my keychain. I was raised that was normal but maybe that's some kind of American or Boy Scout bias. Also do non-Americans not have mail? Everyone I know who worked trades or retail ended up carrying a small knife even if just for cutting tape or those little flat plastic cords on shipments. The ones that get like crimped? Which is a habit you can't have as like a student or going into secured buildings.
But yea, every grown adult, is hyperbole and it's way less common then he made it out to be. I have a job bordering on a just cubicle farm job but a handful of people still have a knife on their person. Those probably gets 99% of its use opening shipments, and occasionally cutting stuff to size. And only once I have seen someone slip and drop a five inch blade in meeting room and the reaction was basically "huh, anyways."
LacyTing@reddit
As an American resident I agree. I’ve lived here for 30 years now knife free.
madsheeter@reddit
Do you just shoot whatever you want to cut with your handgun?
WildeRoamer@reddit
Sometimes but those powderless bullets can still over penetrate if you're not careful. It's easier to just make a precise swing with the 🪓...
Proof_Drag_2801@reddit
Niche scenario, but I use one most days to cut bailing string, feed bags, silage wrap and as a general tool for all sorts of stuff.
Farmers always have a knife.
Muckle674@reddit
Other species??
quirkelchomp@reddit
That old boomer lady who stole my parking spot at the local supermarket probably doesn't have a knife. I even honked at her as she was turning into the spot. Was so tempted to keying her car. Wish I knew this ULPT back then.
DanCoco@reddit
Use these instead.
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Commercial-Electric-11in-Stainless-Steel-Corrosion-Resistant-UL-Certified-Cable-Zip-Ties-10-Pack-Stainless-Steel-MLG-300ST-10/203531940
Jacktheforkie@reddit
It’s illegal in my area to carry a knife
Ashirogi8112008@reddit
That seems unlikely, are you sure you're wholly familiar with the laws/regulations?
Jacktheforkie@reddit
I’m going by the signs the police put up
LittleGreenCorpse@reddit
Maybe he's in prison.
59808@reddit
UK
Raindog951new@reddit
Folding Knives under three inch and without a lock are legal to carry in the UK. They'd easily cut plastic ties.
god-full-throttle@reddit
Typical Redditor comment
OptimusPrime4720@reddit
I have a tool kit in my car, and in it is pliers and a blade. You don’t need a knife
virtualchoirboy@reddit
Depends on the tie. Plus, this is just an example. My local HD carries 20-30 different kinds. I know I've seen "security" ties in the past that have metal wires in them as well. Most are still cheaper than a bike lock that you'd have to leave behind.
flakzpyro@reddit
Please correct me if I'm wrong. I know they say heavy duty. I am only used to zip ties. Aren't these similar? All it takes is scissors to cut them? If not, these are great and will definitely leave a pack in my car
virtualchoirboy@reddit
To be honest, it was the first "heavy duty" one I could get a link for. My local HD carries 20-30 different kinds of what are essentially zip ties. If this is the approach you want to take, go see what they have. I think there were some that even had metal wires running through them as "security ties" but the website wasn't pulling them up for my store. I usually find them in the electrical aisles.
No-Ostrich-5801@reddit
In fairness the point is to merely be an annoyance. The metal banded zip ties can still be gotten into simply with a knife and a little bit of patience (if you bend at the exposed metal it'll heat up and break apart). A bike lock obviously would hold up to more abuse but it wouldn't really mean shit if said person happens to carry bolt cutters or tinfoil shears on their vehicle (such as a tradesman who keeps their tools in their vehicle)
mechmind@reddit
Just to entertain you, what percentage of people on the road do you think are equipped with these tools?
WildeRoamer@reddit
What? You don't keep your tinfoil shears in your tinfoil hat under the seat? You're so screwed when they land, might as well throw your hands up and scream "Take me to your leader!". What kind of earthling are you? Get prepared now before it's too late! I expect to see name brand too, the Aldi tin will not keep your thoughts on 🌎... /s
virtualchoirboy@reddit
Especially the kind that steal parking spaces or are crappy at parking…. 😎
Ashirogi8112008@reddit
They're just zipties, this suggestion is about as effective as using scotch tape to attach the cart
Jacktheforkie@reddit
Access denied, why tf they IP banned me? I could access it just fine when I was in Wisconsin
HighHiFiGuy@reddit
This is what I carry in my car all the time. Most MeeMaws won’t have a clue how to get the zip tie off.
Heisalsohim@reddit
Metal cable ties exist
Fit_Victory6650@reddit
Can get a gross off Amazon for about $10 too.
SignificantZombie729@reddit
Zip ties, pulled very tight on the windshield wipers, I mean so tight that you are unable to tighten them any more. If you do it right they should lay flat on the bonnet/hood and won't be noticed until the use the wipers.
adamjhendren@reddit
This is messed up ngl
Timely_Diet8305@reddit
You could also put a bike lock on his rims, just sayin
wtporter@reddit
Was coming to say this
NurseKaila@reddit
Hell, a basic combination lock on the door handle would piss me off immensely and be a PITA to remove.
GotTheCeliac@reddit
I carry around magnetic bumper stickers with such gems as "follow me to the gay bar" or "warning cowboy's butts drive me nuts" to stick onto dumb trucks who take up 4 parking spaces.
randomscruffyaussie@reddit
Pair them with super glue if you want to take it up a level
DecemberPaladin@reddit
BRILLIANT
ResponsibleBorder746@reddit
I’ll always carry bolt cutters from now on!
gadget850@reddit
I keep metal cable ties in my tool box.
AuditAndHax@reddit
I'm not sure what decade your car is from, but I'm pretty sure every car I've seen in the last 30+ years has a lever, not a handle/thumb button like they used until the 80s. Where are you going to attach the lock on a modern car door?
Gold_Assistance_6764@reddit
What are you on about? I’m looking out of my office window right now and 12/13 cars I see have loop handles.
eeevileggg@reddit
Not sure where you’re from, but most cars I see have a loop type handle (pull out), not a flap type (lift up). The Corolla and Golf are one of the best selling cars in the world and use a pull handle.
AuditAndHax@reddit
Fair enough. I guess it's just been my experience, and I suppose I don't really pay attention to other people's door handles. Good to know
Ill_Hall_7590@reddit
Wrong…lock the brake line to the wheel spoke.
AuthorityFinger@reddit
Diabolical
MeeloP@reddit
Jam a potato up the exhaust cmon
Blazelwood@reddit
Guess I need to start keeping bolt cutters in my car
kevin_flu@reddit
https://www.amazon.com/HS-Stainless-Self-Locking-Juncture-Fastening/dp/B07P9NBHRC?th=1
hettuklaeddi@reddit
then put a sock on the cart! that way if they try to grab it, all they get is the sock
Thecenteredpath@reddit
Diabolical. I love it.
Embarrassed-Style377@reddit
Use piss disks to hold you parking spot so they can’t park there
clankasaurus@reddit
Use zip ties. Smaller and cheaper.
demwoodz@reddit
Gorilla glue a harmonica to the gas tank
schnauzer_0@reddit
Pee in the vents
madsheeter@reddit
Pee in their pants
furbishL@reddit
Piss on their piss disc
ProgrammerNo3423@reddit
What's the likelihood you'll get in trouble if you get seen in a cctv? Would this be seen as some sort of destruction of property?
TRAVMAAN1@reddit
Diabolical
BoredOfReposts@reddit
How do i attach the piss disc?
Dudeasaurus2112@reddit
I was fully expecting this to be about using the locks to break the ahole Parkers windows
gbplmr@reddit
Those HVAC 18" long zip ties would work great and are much cheaper.
slamongo@reddit
I like to zip tie their drive shaft in a way that when they start moving, the zip ties will smack agaisnt the metal to make a banging noise in the cabin.
Enough_Appearance116@reddit
My buddy did that to me once in my pickup. It got VERY loud. My plan was to just let them break off, but wow... it was like rocks in a lawn mower. Constantly.
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Zip ties cost and weigh less.
dapala1@reddit
I like the zip tie idea better. The lock seems too extreme for such a minor violation.
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
And more costly to you. Zip ties are a pain in the butt even if you have the tools necessary and there's plenty of people who don't have a knife or scissors or anything sharp enough in their cars to get them off.
DasHexxchen@reddit
Just use zip ties. What a waste..
Lost-Astronaut-8280@reddit
Hell yeah