Are my emails rude?

Posted by Dadda_Green@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 19 comments

I have ADHD. It creates a couple of struggles for me at work relating to email. I find I am prone to missing questions or tasks buried in the middle of chunks of text but I also worry too much about how emails are perceived. Sometimes it just isn’t possible to avoid a preamble in an email. It gives important context (such as which meeting or situation the task came from), introduces my role or just contains social niceties. As I know it help me, I sometimes put the occasional request in bold. Am I risking being perceived as rude? Any other suggestions of how to do it?

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19 Comments

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Mr_Bumcrest@reddit

Try [Goblin Tools Formaliser](https://goblin.tools/Formalizer) if you need help with tone. I've found it very helpful.

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Dadda_Green@reddit (OP)

I’ve heard a few people recommend Goblin Tools but my employer is very security conscious about new software and AI. That was one of the things I found really useful when I introduced Grammarly into my old employer. My current one has given me a MS Co-Pilot license. I’ll have to keep experimenting with prompts as the versions it produces are often very wordy and it loves exclamation marks!

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Iwantedalbino@reddit

I’ve found BLUF helps and I can work it in with my ADHD. Bottom Line Up Front Basically a professional TL:DR We need to do X because of Y supported by Z evidence. Then you can pre and post amble with all the email you’d have written anyway.

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Dadda_Green@reddit (OP)

I’ve not come across that before. That’s really interesting. Thank you. I’ve had a quick google of examples and that’s definitely something I’ll try.

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vegan_voorhees@reddit

I'm the same, I'm quite brusque with some of my responses. It's tech though, everything's very precise. I usually write out my reply, leave it for 2-3 minutes, then go back and read it as slow as possible and add in softer synonyms where I can.

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Dadda_Green@reddit (OP)

Thanks. My colleagues vary between civil engineers (brief and brusque) and marketing / PR (oh lawd).

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kestrelita@reddit

I also have ADHD. I very much rely on email templates that I've created for myself, and even then I'm occasionally picked up by my manager on 'forgetting social niceties'. On the flip side though, I've had people compliment me on being concise and to the point - so you can't please everyone!

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Dadda_Green@reddit (OP)

That’s a good shout. There’s several things I send out regularly that would work for. Thanks

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v60qf@reddit

Pick up the phone?

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Dadda_Green@reddit (OP)

Often it’s “follow this link and log your data here” type emails to colleagues.

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v60qf@reddit

You need coaching from your line manager not wackos on Reddit.

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Dadda_Green@reddit (OP)

Lol. Cheers

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Flaramon@reddit

I've had difficulties here before. I used a "Tone Detector" to help me improve my email conversations: works wonders. I used Grammarly a few years back: it may still be a feature.

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Dadda_Green@reddit (OP)

That was one of the things I found really useful when I introduced Grammarly into my old employer. My current one is really nervous about the security implications of Grammarly’s AI but has given me a MS Co-Pilot license. I’ll have to keep experimenting with prompts as the versions it produces are often very wordy and it loves exclamation marks!

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Tim-Sanchez@reddit

What specifically are you worried about being rude? Nothing you've written there seems rude.

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undertheskin_@reddit

Without seeing an actual example it would be hard to say, but it doesn’t like they would be perceived as rude - maybe over detailed? Emails that take the form of essays can be annoying to a lot of people. The bold thing is dividing - some people will frown at it as it can look demanding, but I use it sometimes - mainly for important things like due dates or a watch out. Worth raising this with your team as well - if they know the background it will help avoid any confusion.

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iptrainee@reddit

Impossible to tell without seeing the email. Short and concise but with important details is good

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