You can never truly go back. Home isn't just a place - It's a state of mind.
It's the food you will no longer enjoy, or the excessive drinking you never do anymore.
It's the relationships that will be broken beyond repair. Or those that you will evolve past and no longer want in your life.
You will grow tired of the insistent topic changes when people you grew up with don't want to hear about your success cinching a longer-term visa, or that they don't want to hear about your serendipitous experiences while travelling around your new country. You realize after the first few times, and this is your life, your decisions matter. These are your victories, these are your scars, and when the people you called your friends feel unnerved in their presence you, sooner or later, do end up having to make the choice to move on.
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I immigrated to Canada as a young adult and was convinced a few years in that whoever became my partner for life would really need to experience something similar for them to be able to truly understand my values and why I act the way I do. It took years to orchestrate, but my (now) wife ended up coming with me when we moved to Japan together.
Now, nearly three years later, she completely gets it. The stress around visas, bank accounts, having to rely on strangers for life-changing processes, getting help from people you wouldn't expect and being ghosted or back-stabbed by others you trusted. The stress of always having to be "on", to some degree.
It's funny because having already done this once, I feel like I'm the one who is already tired of this and wants to go back more often than her. She wants to see the experience through.
In the US. Actually, being an immigrant (rather than the child of one) is so fucking stressful (again, in the US) that they are more likely than non-immigrant folks to have a primary psychotic break. Source? My doctorate studies and my 15 years of experience as a psychiatric Nurse Practitioner.
I don’t know if this counts because I’ve “only” lived abroad for 7 years now, and it’s not as much of a fact as it is my own personal experience. Anyways, I find the accent in my home country annoying now. It just seems dumbed down I guess. I have also noticed that the food quality isn’t as good as I once thought.
I guess overall I like my home country less now than I did when I left it. I’m not sure if this is common or not though.
Oh interesting! I feel like in general (although much less so with the current political climate), I learned to appreciate the good things about my home country (USA) the more time I spent abroad. When I left there 12 years ago, I was very much like "eff this, I'm out!" But even through all the politics, there are things I actually miss.
I suppose it depends where you moved from and to. I left Canada to live in Scotland. And yes, I realise they’re accents also sound dumbed down haha but I love it, and I’m exposed to a lot more British media.
I still think Canada is a great country, but I feel the cost of living over there is way too high. I think I’m financially better off here … for now at least.
I like how you bring up the current political climate because I’m the opposite of you. I love how Trump has unified Canada. I don’t usually agree with nationalism but I think in this case it’s needed.
"Anyways, I find the accent in my home country annoying now. It just seems dumbed down I guess. I have also noticed that the food quality isn’t as good as I once thought."
It doesn't SEEM so! It's objectively so! The same processes and changes are going on all over the world.
Yes - god I hate how much European immigrants to the UK want to act like passport authorities when we share things like our naturalization process because they can’t understand there’s 5 kinds of UK citizens! Congrats you’re privileged enough to not need to know these rules but stop acting like an expert questioning processes just because it didn’t apply to your situation (and they would rather argue than read the immigration website).
The feeling you don’t belong anywhere. Not in your home country nor the country in which you live. The positive aspect being the scourge of nationalism is no longer applicable.
I don't feel like I belong in my country of origin. Then again, I spilled tears when I went to the "citizen" line at customs after years of being a "foreigner".
Both, kind of. It finally struck me that I was back home. I had literally circled the globe. The tears really surprised me. I do think I felt a sense of belonging in that moment that I don't often feel.
Thank you, you're reconnecting me with that moment. Moments after that I took a teary-eyed selfie in front of the NY Times store in the airport (I'm from NYC). That just makes me laugh now, I was clearly in my feelings that day!
I've got the opposite experience as a dual citizen. I've only gotten "welcome home" when I arrive in the US, not in my own darn home country, where I can expect only hassle and trouble... It's kind of pleasant!
I think you have the wrong attitude.
I ask that question all the time 100% in good faith. And people have asked me that question hundreds of times completely in good faith.
I think it's a great conversation starter. You can't judge people off of one question or even two questions they ask.
You can when they don’t accept your answer because of the colour of your skin. You are obviously privileged, so please recognize that before undermining others’ realities.
Against your not recognizing racism that impacts others? That’s not an argument, but a fact considering your facetious reply that doesn’t even care to understand that not everybody has the same experience as you.
No, it's not. Do you think you're original and the only inquiring soul (I had to choose this unsatisfying synonym, just because of censorship)?! If you're asked the same question every time you open your mouth, it gets old!
Yes. That's how you become more familiar with them. I mean, I ask that question to people who I have a small interaction with (sometimes) or people who I've interacted with a few times.
Do you not ask strangers for their names sometimes?
I only ask strangers for their names after I've talked with them, on a personal level, usually when I might want to see them again. But no, a grocery store cashier, for instance, is not supposed to ask for either name or accent, the latter being the initial topic of this useless exchange.
Especially when I’m on vacation. Do I say the country I was born in or the country I’ve lived in for 10+ years?
I’m from the UK and live in East Asia. If I holiday in SE Asia and tell people I’m from the UK and I’m there for a long weekend, it always raises eyebrows.
The same thing was happening to me in Mexico. Where are you from? From AZ. BUT where are you REALLY from (because they deal with a lot of Americans and can tell a foreign accent)? In fact, it was happening there more often than in the US. In the US, my answer was: well, I live here (just like you do!), so I guess you want to know where my accent is from!
I reckon holding citizenship gives you the right to claim that place as "where you are from" (and anyone who asks "but where are you REALLY from?" after getting your first answer, is extremely rude and is to be ignored).
I don’t know about other people, but I’ve found that my general perspective is all tied in conceptually and that living abroad triggers a loosening of previously unconsciously clung to concepts about the world in general.
What I mean by that is that moving to another country where the toilets are different, the architecture different, the scents and sounds in the city are different, the foods and the way people eat and the utensils are different, the language different, everything different: it loosens my unconsciously held concepts of everything, including my concepts about the nature of reality in general.
Thus I become more relaxed, less pent up, more patient, more amiable, more of an Earthling rather than a nationality, a better voter, a better friend, a better lover, a better parent, a better coworker, etc. Life becomes better in every single way because I’ve done what the majority fear the most—faced the fear of major change and embraced it.
Well said.
Relativity of the human experience. We are all in this together. Each half of the planet blames the other for climate change, wars, extremism, gentrification, overpopulation, consumerism, etc. These problems are global, and we all have to face our own, however, small impact. Be good to others, and you will find friends everywhere you go, regardless of nationality, language, or culture.
Pura vida, maes. 🇨🇷
I feel less likely I'll be shot randomly.
Im just happier... The American 24/7 doom and gloom news cycle is just taxing... Life is just more enjoyable.
Going back to visit family, I realize there is nothing I really miss, except family time and gas prices. There's no 'aha' I've needed this and didn't have it, when I go back except perhaps the ease of communication... And I as I get better at communicating locally, that diminishes.
After 38 years as an expat, I have no urge to return to my home country (USA), even though I am very grateful for some advantages I have in life thanks to my nationality. I think that many like me feel that we have gained a great wealth of live experiences that no one can take away. I did go back for a few years within the past decade and never felt at home. Now that I am out for the rest of my life, I feel at home again.
Dont know if this applies, or just my situation.
I feel I have 2 lives now - in my home country where people are hyperfocused on settling down, having family, house where they will live for rest of their lives.
In my expact country I have a life that is more - see what happens. People focus on experiences and personal growth more than settling.
Before, I thought I need to have a plan. Now I accept my life could change 180 in a year.
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