ULPT Request: I was in a psych hospital for almost a week. What physical ailment can I say I had instead?
Posted by That_Influence_151@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 297 comments
I was in a bad place, and admitted to a psych hospital for the better part of a week to keep myself safe. My work and acquaintances know that I was in the hospital, but not what for. To avoid awkward conversations, what physical ailment can I say I had instead that would lead to a several day hospitalization (with nothing like visible scars)?
enjoyt0day@reddit
Honestly all you “owe” your job is saying you were hospitalized for a week and should be able to get a doctors note confirming that and NOTHING ELSE.
Your job has no right to your medical records, and they are never entitled to know WHAT you were in a hospital for—a doctors note should be as vague as fuck simply corroborating you were out for medical reasons.
If you’re talking about how to “explain” to co-workers in a casual/social sense??
Tell them you ‘had this weird spot appear on your leg above the knee” that you thought was a blemish or rash at first, but within a day or two ended up the size of half a handball embedded under your skin…
You went to the ER to have it lanced, but then found out they needed to keep you in for a week for testing and to monitor MRSA/a staph infection.
Then they released you and other than gross “packing” the wound for the next week, you were basically fine. But they did give you heavy painkillers while in the hospital, esp the first few days, and you had to have things strapped on your legs in your bed to improve circulation/prevent blood clots”
Source: happened to me IRL, DM me for follow up questions to flesh out the lie lol. And good for you for getting mental health care when you needed it— happy to provide you with any details it takes to avoid social/professional repercussions for the stupid stigmatization of very important mental health care
Gythia-Pickle@reddit
Depends on your location - it is M. R. S. A here in the UK
Douchecanoeistaken@reddit
Norovirus.
My kid exploded out both ends for 10 days.
Someone-Rebuilding@reddit
... Or CDiff.. Another awful belly infection that's highly transmissible, very messy and uncomfortable. (I dunno the full name, sorry)
Stay away from people for a few days - talk on the phone coz your still infectious...
The worst 3 weeks of my recent history, with some of the heftier antibiotics!
Think, though... Do you need certificates for work? There's issues with a specific lie.
Poundaflesh@reddit
This is highly contagious so maybe not?
Someone-Rebuilding@reddit
I got a whole month out of a six-day illness tho... Bonus!
Poundaflesh@reddit
ROFLMAO
Douchecanoeistaken@reddit
Tell them you were severely dehydrated and had to be admitted due to concerns of renal failure and dehydration.
Icussr@reddit
Google 5-day hospitalization for Afib.
Learn about the treatments because lots of people have had it or know someone who has.
Mention that you have to go in regularly for check ups.
Afib can come back, too, so if you need another excuse to take some time, you can reuse the same excuse.
zcomstar@reddit
Way too complicated and in need of a continuous story. This needs to be a one and done.
Top_Employee_8944@reddit
"My doctor said i need a backyotomy" or, "get away biatch, I'm impotent!"
weedRgogoodwithpizza@reddit
Kidney infection put me in the hospital for 4 days. You could try that.
sweetpea122@reddit
Kidney stones even better. You can pass them, its miserable, not necessarily chronic
zcomstar@reddit
Yeah but you would be in and out for a kidney stone. Not four days.
skr80@reddit
I reckon avoid all details. Otherwise the next week you'll have someone saying "oh my wife had a kidney infection who was your doctor?"
robin_sunshine@reddit
I second this. No one wants to get the details of your kidneys and bladder function. They’re also a bitch and a half, so a week would be far-fetched if you need to be that specific with it. Mine put me in the hospital for 4 days too (TWINSIES :) )
psbeef@reddit
COVID could work too
53IMOuttatheBox@reddit
I wouldn’t give a disease you may get the know it all about it….more questions and advice ad nauseum
SchoolAcceptable8670@reddit
A raging case of antibiotic resistant Nunya. (The sites are still oozing a bit). Ok, fine, Shark attack. But enough about me, this weather’s really something, isn’t it?
God_Bless_A_Merkin@reddit
“It turned out the gerbil was rabid…”
cnycompguy@reddit
Tell them that your boyfriend blew out your o-ring
That'll get them to stop asking for personal medical information.
SeaworthinessLoud992@reddit
any number of GI issues like bleeding stomach ulcers leading to low platelets/iron deficiency
maarianastrench@reddit
Your job has no business knowing why you were at the hospital.
steffie-flies@reddit
You can say you had flu that was devolping into pneumonia and you had to get admitted for IV treatments. It's happening a lot in my city, so it would be a good answer to why you didn't tell anyone. You were told no visitors because you were contagious.
fbrdphreak@reddit
Too specific with too many readily apparent symptoms. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's a good cover
steffie-flies@reddit
Even just saying the flu is good too. Another good one is food poisioning. That lasts a few days without lingering symptoms.
krzykris11@reddit
Good one. The flu and RSV were at peak levels during the last few weeks. Breathing complications would be a valid reason for hospitalization.
Alta360ResearchLeah@reddit
Tell them you don't want to talk about it. Say it was life threatening.
melissa-assilem@reddit
A coworker of mine was out for several weeks because of a bad reaction to a change in her medication. She’s diabetic.
AmatureMD@reddit
Say you had an infection that required hospitalization and IV antibiotics. Something like complicated Diverticulitis would work if you want to research that.
CannotSpellForShit@reddit
Diverticulitis works and is niche enough to be believable. But if you're trying to minimize embarrassment idk if I'd pick this. Digestive issues can be kind of evocative
TheZbeast@reddit
OP this is the right answer IMO.
As someone who has been hospitalized with diverticulitis (relatively young too, ~30 years old) I think it’s a great cover. You wouldn’t necessarily need to “appear” any different to people since it’s internal.
DM me if you want more details, you can use my whole backstory to add in some details if you want: “I had some stomach aches that we started to get concerned it was appendicitis, which you really can’t wait around on, that can get dangerous fast” blah blah blah.
I got you.
cutie_k_nnj@reddit
Yup me too! Happy to help with details if needed. I will say, though, it pains me that you feel like you have to make up an excuse for something that is totally OK and completely normal. I’m really proud of you for checking yourself in and staying out of danger and being safe and fuck all these people that don’t respect mental health as being something that we all need to respect.
ValleyOakPaper@reddit
If you say diverticulitis you'll have to be on a restricted diet. You can't eat anything with hard bits, e.g. nuts, blueberries or strawberries.
NurseKdog@reddit
That's not really a thing anymore. It was standard practice 20-30 years ago, but modern research has shown that nuts/seeds don't produce the level of risk they once thought.
ValleyOakPaper@reddit
TIL Thank you!
Poundaflesh@reddit
Keep this in mind when dining out with co workers: bland and seedless.
soopirV@reddit
Unless OP can convincingly say, “I’m ready for another vacation!” And toss a wink.
hbgbees@reddit
But then maybe people don’t ask too many questions cuz it’s kinda embarrassing. That’s a plus.
Apartment-Drummer@reddit
I would ask more questions because that name sounds made up. Divert? Like he’s trying to divert me from asking questions? 🤔
Travis_Shamockery@reddit
Is this for real? Diverticulitis is no joke. You must be a teenager with no knowledge.
"divert? Like divert from questions?" Dafuq the stooopid is burning.
Apartment-Drummer@reddit
It sounds like he made it up on the spot like “uhh…Idontawannasayatitis?”
EmberSquared@reddit
My dad has it and my grandma did as well for a number of years- it's not fun.
Also a simple Google search would answer any questions you have about it
Apartment-Drummer@reddit
But why Google when Reddit can explain
Travis_Shamockery@reddit
Just say you are clueless on this, instead of doubling down. Take the "L" bro and stop looking foolish.
self_of_steam@reddit
Definitely not made up and common enough to make people cringe to hear it because it's serious and painful
Apartment-Drummer@reddit
Uh huh. 🤔
Gold_Assistance_6764@reddit
Also, people in the know know that diverticulitis typically affects old people.
sheeeple182@reddit
The GM of our shop claimed this after an extended weekend. Unfortunately, his mug shot was already foundand shared from his local jail.
Richard_the_Saltine@reddit
Let them imagine my shits.
liltinyoranges@reddit
If they aren’t already
jankyj@reddit
Nobody is going to want to ask how shitting is going for you today, so actually it’s pretty smart.
MostBoringStan@reddit
Digestive issues are the best excuse because people don't ask follow-up questions. They don't want to hear about you rushing to the toilet so you don't ruin your underwear.
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Just a reminder that work isn't allowed to persue your medical history.
"Why were you out?"
"HIPAA"
"nuff said."
If they still wont shut up about it, and HR isn't your ally, then hit them with the Swamps of Dahgobah
skr80@reddit
"infection. Trust me, you don't want details. I'm good now though". Gives a reason, but avoids more follow up. Or can be followed up with "I'd rather not go into details".
soopirV@reddit
“Oh my god, the pus alone was enough to knock a fly off a donkey at 10 pace…hey, where you going?”
InfoSecPeezy@reddit
And the diarrhea, people stop asking questions as soon as liquid pressure and stress on the anus is mentioned.
HippolytusOfAthens@reddit
“ l was vomiting out both ends“ is a good conversation stopper.
fireduck@reddit
Remember, if you can make a complete circle around yourself you get to make a wish.
DesignatedPie@reddit
Last week I told someone that I was "evacuating at both ends". I did not get any follow up questions. I was very happy.
Otherwise-Chain3845@reddit
"Exploding out both ends like a fire hydrant", is the term I used when I got food poisoning from Chipotle
PhotoFenix@reddit
"I had vomit and diarrhea at the same time, but it was inversed"
humanityrus@reddit
And throw the word bowel around too
bc60008@reddit
THIS. Community acquired MRSA. That you "probably" got at work. "At least, that's what the infectious disease doctor said. Wound care surgeon agreed." Been there, done that. Pure effing hell.
Poundaflesh@reddit
Yes, be as vague as possible. I’d prefer not to discuss my medical history.
Betty_Boss@reddit
"Hey, my mother in law had diverticulitis and she had to sit on one of those donut things..."
The fewer details the better or you risk getting caught in the lie.
MN-Mars@reddit
Yup… I had a “Subcutaneous infection requiring IV Antibiotics because they were concerned it may get or have gotten in my bloodstream”. Then for any questions simply answer, “I was having some anxiety about the situation, understandably so, and as a result the pushed son Adivan intravenously and I was out of it a lot so…” I don’t know what they gave me, or what exactly the diagnosis or… whatever the question is just answer it like that…
Rhibelleon@reddit
Diverticulitis requires a very modified diet for 4-6 weeks, so just be careful with that in case anyone asks questions!
CenterofChaos@reddit
Kidney stone and infection can be serious too. Antibiotics are known for causing diarrhea, I find alluding to that to be a good deterrent. Nobody wants to hear about diarrhea
evielupine@reddit
seconding this. my sister got human to human transferred salmonella (somehow that exists) and was stuck in hospital for 7 days.
UnicornsFartRain-bow@reddit
Yeah salmonella is spread via the fecal oral route. For example typhoid (think Typhoid Mary) is caused by salmonella typhi and that is famously spread person to person.
Beardth_Degree@reddit
So it’s spread Human Centipede style?
smangela69@reddit
well there goes any hope i had that i would have a good day
Beardth_Degree@reddit
If it makes you feel better, I’ve never watched it so it’s just like a bunch of Lego men chained together in my mind.
NorthRoseGold@reddit
Diverticulitis "I was full of shit"
No but for real I knew a guy who was in for approximately a week for that
enjoyt0day@reddit
OP needs to see my comment I just made—not diverticulitis but same concept excuse-wise and decently detailed “experience”
Apprehensive_Hat8986@reddit
Just a reminder that work isn't allowed to persue your medical history.
"Why were you out?"
"HIPAA"
"nuff said."
CaptainPunisher@reddit
Regenerative diarrhea.
KaleidoscopeSalt6196@reddit
No one’s business but yours. But obstructed bowel. It wouldn’t leave any scar. And you can make anything up about what it was
zzzorba@reddit
Covid
ostellastella@reddit
Heart issues, ran tests and had to sort out meds. Also HIPAA they can't ask.
Salt-Counter4853@reddit
Mono
EmotionallySquared@reddit
A dilated ring piece. Just kept staring back at me like some aquatic gaping eye.
Trashacccount927@reddit
First of all - glad you did that and hope you’re doing better.
Secondly, avoid answering if possible. Things like “it’s a long story but I’m doing okay now thanks” and then change the subject. If you must answer, be vague like “I had some weird test results and they kept me to monitor me. I’m doing okay now”
If, for some reason, you need to be specific, I’d maybe say something about a common symptom “I started feeling unwell - unable to catch my breath. I went to the hospital and they admitted me to monitor me.” Or “I had a really intense headache they decided to admit me”
SnooSprouts1515@reddit
“Weird test results” is a good one, it’s saying something but vague
soopirV@reddit
Also alludes to possible superpowers, let’s not forget where we are here.
fireduck@reddit
I can smell your fear, boss. It excites me.
Caraphox@reddit
Idk I think the word ‘weird’ in this context is too intriguing and could lead to follow up questions from those with poor boundaries
JoeBlow49032@reddit
As a nurse on a gen med floor this is probably the best excuse. We get so many people who come to the ER because they were “weak and short of breath” end up having enough test results out of range and get admitted. Something like “I was feeling weak for a few days and then I started feeling short of breath so went to the ER. Turns out some my electrolyte levels were pretty off and my white count was elevated so they admitted me for electrolyte replacement and monitoring and prophylactic antibiotics because they were worried about sepsis.”
Trashacccount927@reddit
Yes! My comment also came from a medical background :)
Ok_Jury4833@reddit
I like the last option. It gives enough info they feel like you’re not hiding something, and it’s not necessarily a lie. If you don’t give enough information they might press (esp if they know you well or care a lot about you) even if they shouldn’t. If your goal is for them not to assume it is something beyond what you’re telling them, this is the way to go. Vague will get them pressing and guessing, and just invite attention. You can blame people that post vague shit online seeking attention for that.
rjnono@reddit
Agree with everything you said but there is NO reason you need to be any more specific than that. Your personal medical info is protected and if anyone at work tries to pry beyond the very reasonable explanation above, ask them to come to HR with you so both their question and your reply (which should be a more polite version of “fuck off”) can be documented.
I know you’re asking for work/acquaintance level relationships to avoid any attention and I’m being mostly facetious, but never forget that it is NO ONES business but yours and whoever you chose to tell
jsm1031@reddit
This is where my southern roots come in handy! the same sentiment behind ‘bless her heart!’ can be used for ‘you are so sweet to ask about my health!’ before changing the subject or just walking away.
Baba_-Yaga@reddit
Yeah OP don’t feel pressured to explain yourself, your health physical and mental is your business only
hikekorea@reddit
OP I really like this answer. I also want to say that I hope you have some friends/family you are close enough to confide the truth to. Having people to talk to is part of the healing process. U/That_influence_151
PrestigiousPromise20@reddit
Bladder infection that went septic? Most patients I’ve seen with it presented a bit “off” mentally a few days before they were diagnosed too.
Hezybaby@reddit
My FIL is in hospital right now with this! Infection went septic and his kidneys have also taken a beating. Found out when he got taken to the hospital because he thought it was September!
Aggressive_Let2085@reddit
How’s he doing now?
self_of_steam@reddit
I think my dad is going through this. If I needed a cover for a psyche ward stay this would be my go to
tzimplertimes@reddit
I have multiple coworkers out for upwards of a week this last winter with norovirus, Covid, and/or influenza not otherwise specified. Some of whom required hospitalisation to restabilised.
My recommendation? Norovirus. Nobody wants the details of throwing up/shitting yourself so hard that it literally starts coming out black from bile.
Condition-Exact@reddit
You had pneumonia.
steferz@reddit
“Honestly that’s personal and I would prefer if you could respect my boundaries and not discuss it. I appreciate your concern though, thank you”
TradeAppropriate9941@reddit
Rotavirus and severe dehydration. Nobody wants to hear about your explosive diarrhea experience.
Due-Paleontologist69@reddit
I wasn’t feeling well. My family/ friend took me to the local hospital. The concern that I was brought there for was taken care of. Thank you for being interesting in my health. I am doing better now.
Wolf_in_CheapClothes@reddit
Why was I in the hospital?
That's a fucking rude question. I'll be talking with HR.
xxBizzet@reddit
That’s far from rude
trumpsmoothscrotum@reddit
Or someone genuinely interested in you. Or general conversation.
powder9isunavailable@reddit
Norovirus, severe dehydration. Protect your peace man. You don't owe anyone an explanation.
iamthelastmartian@reddit
I had a bad case of nunya
DixieNormas011@reddit
Lots of pneumonia cases lately. Get it bad enough and it pretty much requires hospitalization to avoid wrecking your lungs
jlm20566@reddit
Kidney stones
westtexasgeckochic@reddit
Honestly you don’t have to tell them anything at all. Don’t explain. You don’t have to. It’s your private business.
First thing they taught us when I was outpatient day hospital psych was to never feel guilty or forced to say anything about your absence or reason for it.
SnooPineapples6676@reddit
No one has a right to your medical records. Just say, “I appreciate your concern. I’m good.” If they press say, “My medical records are private. I appreciate your concern. I’m good.” And if they really press, change the subject, “I’m not comfortable discussing my medical history with you but if you want to tell me about your last visit, I’ll politely listen.”
SixtyTwoNorth@reddit
Just say, "nothing broken, but it wasn't pretty." Let them use their imagination.
Reconsct@reddit
Don’t give a reason.
When questioned only state: Ya know, I’ve not really been feeling myself since “the incident”.
Be very serious, hold a look between confusion and fear when speaking about it and finally don’t elaborate any further, and refer only to your time gone as “the incident”.
If you MUST give a reason just tell them you had “Moon Madness” also elaborate no further.
DartMcFartface@reddit
If anyone asks just say “It’s illegal for you to ask me that.”
Degen_Boy@reddit
Just say covid and don’t elaborate. It hits some people really fucking hard and it’s 100% believable because everyone is paranoid about it.
rushaz@reddit
Covid is always a good standby....
bigdrod68@reddit
Covid or diarrhea. The ultimate get out of jail free card. Nobody wants to hear more about either topic.
electricsugargiggles@reddit
Just be vague enough. “Long story short, I went in for some tests and something didn’t look right so they kept me for a few days. I’m so happy to be back to my own bed and back to my routine; glad that’s over with”.
If anyone expresses concern (or HR/mgmt will likely want to know if you need any type of accommodation), you can say “I’m pretty sure everything is under control but I’ll let you know if anything changes”. If they press for details, politely sidestep with a “Just a genetic thing, I don’t want to get into it, but thanks for your concern”.
Millerboycls09@reddit
Having to stretch the truth on what happened the week you were in the hospital is not unethical.
The real problem is that people are judgemental, and employers will discriminate on literally any basis they can.
It's really great you got help, and I hope you're in a much better place. There will always be people you can talk to about what is really going on in your life, and it can be really scary to trust them, but it's really important to try.
electric29@reddit
Just say "It's medical, and very personal" and they will immediately think something about your genitals and awful. It will haunt them.
eveningwindowed@reddit
Viral infections
quidquid_agis@reddit
You needed to have an emergency but minor procedure, maybe an abscess drained (perianal is always good) and then you got C.Diff and had to stay. People don't usually know you'd need more time for c diff symptoms to start. Or your abscess was cultured as MRSA and you had to stay for the vancomycin. If you ever end up staying again, you can repeat. MRSA will not go away. And C Diff is always in hospitals. If you have to stay longer, you can get both. And once you get an abscess somewhere, you'll be getting it again.
sololegend89@reddit
Infection or appendix removal should work alright. Or a sudden but unexplained spike in blood pressure. They’d probably have to admit you to cardiac for that, and it requires overnight monitoring and observation. I did 4 days for mine.
DrBearcut@reddit
You had pyelonephritis and sepsis and required Multiple days inpatient.
Tr0z3rSnak3@reddit
Anything poo related has always worked
lomika@reddit
An abscess around your bum hole that needed IV antibiotics and monitoring as they weren't sure if you would need surgery. A pilonidal sinus is a small hole at the top of your bottom, between your buttocks. Treatment is usually only needed if it becomes infected.
An infected pilonidal sinus is red, painful and may bleed or leak pus
An infected pilonidal sinus is treated with antibiotics. The pus may also need to be drained. In some cases, you may need surgery.
Positive_Artist3539@reddit
“Intestinal issues/ needed IV fluids…”
PuzzleheadedDate7721@reddit
Emergency surgery for kidney stones?
ChaoticGoodPanda@reddit
There’s a nasty flu strain going around.
Took me a week to recover and I was close to a 103°F temp for several days…so you could say you were at the hospital due to flu complications.
I’m not joking about how shitty this current flu is. Last time I had the flu was in 2017. Then I got COVID in 2020. Haven’t been sick since then and wham-o, I got the flu a little over a week ago.
Good luck
Substantial_Back_865@reddit
It's the worst I've ever had. It lasted for 3 weeks for me and I had so much mucus in my lungs that I had severe trouble breathing.
ChaoticGoodPanda@reddit
It got worse. Even though I’m barely coughing/making mucus…
It triggered a cold sore and now I have an eye issue going on where my immune system is attacking my cornea. Half my eye is red. I thought I popped a vessel in my eye.
Eye doc said he’s has had multiple cases of the same eye issue for the last month or so.
I don’t remember flu being this shitty. Hope you’re breathing ok now.
User_Name_Is_Stupid@reddit
Covid. No one questions that.
pm_me_ur_bread_bowl@reddit
Kidney infection
bobsugar1@reddit
“I have a health concern that I needed to address” fuck them that’s all they need to know.
Poundaflesh@reddit
I like this the best!
tadwinkscadash@reddit
Yeah, exactly
sleepyandkindaweepy@reddit
Appendix?
tedleem15@reddit
You don’t have to disclose your medical information. HIPPA laws protect you.
MomAndDadSaidNotTo@reddit
This is true, but OP wants to avoid awkward conversations and a lotta coworkers are just nosy people and they suck. If you just tell them you'd rather not say, their minds are left to wander and rumors start up real quick. Best to just lie to them.
That_Influence_151@reddit (OP)
This is exactly what I'm looking for, lol
khaotickk@reddit
Penis enlargement surgery
Poundaflesh@reddit
I (female) had a college professor tell me this, and I honestly didn’t know how to react. He volunteered it as I asked to meet at a date which interfered with his planned hospitalization.
Was he honest? Did he want me to be curious? Did he want me to ask if i could test drive it? Was it a joke?
Shady_Love@reddit
Penis reduction surgery
No_Kangaroo_2428@reddit
Just say you had a gastrointestinal procedure and be done with it.
nevergirls@reddit
Thats not what HIPAA does
Trick_Football_1159@reddit
Literally not what HIPAA laws are about…
Natsukashii@reddit
When telling a lie people usually give too many details. I like the lie of being hospitalized for an infection. It's kind of boring and you can just say you slept a lot or whatever. If asked about how much it costs you can say too much, or the insurance covered it or just your deductible.
FeetAreShoes@reddit
Infection with severe dehydration. I'm good now, thanks for asking
PaleOnion6177@reddit
hemiplegic migraine
supremefiction@reddit
Detached retina.
e11spark@reddit
“I’d rather not say” or even better, “it’s cute that you think this is any of your business, cheers!”
FrankaGrimes@reddit
From my perspective, mental health is nothing to shy away from but I understand that some people live in the stone age and still consider mental health challenges to be some kind of moral failing. That aside, this might be a good opportunity to set a boundary with your co-workers. I understand that they might care about your well being but they aren't entitled to any details about your health and I think it would be very fair to say "I was feeling unwell". Any questions asked beyond that really aren't any of their business.
cheese4hands@reddit
nora virus
Extra-Connection8394@reddit
I went to inpatient treatment for a month, came back to work and told everyone I had to deal with family stuff and I'm glad to be back. No one asked me anything detailed. Tbh I don't think they care, it's work. They're not my friends lol.
Zestyclose-Cap1829@reddit
Covid
howtfaminotdeadyet@reddit
I'd call the hospital and ask for a note and explain the situation. You can't be the only one in that kind of position and you have a right to privacy. I'm sure they can work with you on writing a letter that keeps your medical information private. Your job may have a policy for doctor's notes but they aren't entitled to anything about your ailments
friedhippocampus@reddit
You actually don’t have to give any details..!
skip2it2@reddit
My son signed himself in for depression issues and upon admission it was determined he had Covid. So I tell him that he should just tell people he was in for Covid complications.
doctaglocta12@reddit
Stomach ulcer that bled.
leitzankatan@reddit
It's something genetic, we're not discussing it outside the family. With consistent treatment I should be able to stay out of the hospital going forward
simplefresh@reddit
Use infection, not diverticulitis, which is a medical condition, which means that somebody might have a family member with it, or somebody else they know, which means they might ask you questions about it later. They will want to"help" their acquaintance. Just say you had an infection you don't care to talk about.
notevenwrong13@reddit
Kidney stones
PuNEEoH@reddit
Unless you have to provide some type of proof to HR or something you don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just tell them you’d rather not talk about it and leave it at that.
Spiritual_Oil_7411@reddit
Glad you're doing well now. Whatever you do tell them, be vague and keep your story straight. No details about the food or the people or your doctor or anything that might trip you up later. Change the subject, tell them you dont want to talk about it. You'd rather put that behind you.
HarambeWasTheTrigger@reddit
lower back pain. it's the gift that keeps on giving, flares up at any convenient time you need it to. impossible to confirm without an expensive MRI- ain't nobody got time for that. anyone that's had a back injury or knows someone that has will be totally sympathetic because, well, back injuries suck gorilla balls.
source: miserable bastard with actual lower back injury
your time is just that, your employer has zero fucking business what you do with it. however, an employee that can't show up for work doesn't do them much good... best get your shit together or be ready to start looking for a new gig, and by all accounts getting your shit together you are.
nicholus_h2@reddit
nobody is getting hospitalized for a week for "back pain."
HarambeWasTheTrigger@reddit
no, but a trip to the ER followed by 5 days laid up taking steroids is pretty standard.
Unusual-Bench1000@reddit
See this is the stigma about mental illness. it's a shame, it's to hide, if anybody found out your world would be over, they'd drag you down to the dirt if they ever found out. Because it's true they do. Say it's personal, can't talk about it.
CuteCanary@reddit
Very fucking true. I hate it so much
Wyatt821@reddit
Is that really the case? I’m probably lucky but I don’t feel like anyone in my life would be actively discouraging. Depression and loneliness is an epidemic right now, and even if people weren’t outwardly supportive, I don’t think most of them care enough about my personal issues to give it more than a conversation of thought.
Siebje@reddit
The long term issue with this approach is that you're actively keeping the stigma in place.
First of all, you don't need to provide anybody at work any details about your personal health. However, if you choose to share information, just be upfront. The only way to break the stigma on mental health is to be open.
moof324@reddit
Noro is rampant right now. Noro can lead to incredibly severe dehydration. How about “man that bug that’s going around hit me so hard I had to go to the hospital”
Nobody will ask more because it’s gross
VaultBall7@reddit
Genital herpes but you beat it so it’s okay
doctormink@reddit
I mean, you can just say you don't want to fucking talk about it and as it was an awful experience.
zefy_zef@reddit
Lying sucks
discoduck007@reddit
Smart person here ^
Bitter-Edge-8265@reddit
Bad case of Covid.
Okami512@reddit
"testical torsion"
Twistedhatter13@reddit
Explosive diarrhea seems to shut down any follow-up questions.
bluefancypants@reddit
Why do you have to say anything? Just say you were having some health issues you were getting checked out.
elite_meimei@reddit
Burst appendix (I was in for 5 days). Any kind of resistant infections would do. Pneumonia maybe?
omegasome@reddit
No, appendix leaves a scar, plus it can only happen once so if their appendix happens to actually burst later...
sweetpea122@reddit
So crazy but OP had 2.
Wyatt821@reddit
THAT can be what the problem was!
Condition_Dense@reddit
Your doctors forms will have as little as possible/your details will be barely anything, if an employer asks you don’t have to tell them much/your doctor won’t tell them much. I was in a psych ward for awhile and the person who was working with me/taking over when I was was gone wouldn’t tell anyone that I was in the psych ward just that that was personal and I was getting help for whatever I was dealing with. She knew a bit too because I kind of told her in confidence what was going on.
v3g3ta1000@reddit
Appendicitis
Muggins2233@reddit
Bad food poisoning and it threw off all your electrolytes, severe diarrhea and dehydration. I used to think honesty was the best policy. Now I know differently. Many times it just nobody’s business so a simple lie is ok. Plus people don’t like the truth.
Own-Mistake8781@reddit
I’d do this one because nobody will want more information. Plus it’s not as sensational as a rare disease and people will quickly loose interest.
Keelback@reddit
I’m an Australian. Here we do not have to say why. I went to hospital and only told my employer I simply went to hospital. Isn’t the same in USA? We usually follow you in matters like this.
Otherwise food poisoning is a good one. Doggy burger or fish somewhere. I can be very bad.
If you had a cold/flu beforehand then pneumonia is a good one. Young adults who usually very healthy come down with this if they keep working etc during a serious dose of flu. Can end up on hospital for a week like a friend did.
JoySubdivision82@reddit
You could say you had a severe case of Norovirus and very quickly became dangerously dehydrated. I highly doubt you will receive any follow-up questions. Lol
Comfortable-Pack-748@reddit
Flu.
plumdinger@reddit
Exhaustion. It’s a thing - profound fatigue, fevers of unknown origin, sleeplessness, restlessness, dehydration, electrolyte imbalance. You needed a week of hospitalization and IV therapy to get you back on your feet. Totally plausible.
gottriplets@reddit
Ooohhh…FUO is perfect. Sometimes they never find the cause and there’s usually no outward symptoms.
aemt2bob@reddit
Dehydration.
KinkMountainMoney@reddit
Rotavirus. My son had it when he was like six months old and pooped so hard it splattered 18 inches against a wall. Pediatrician said we’d catch it too and would “have some low-grade diarrhea.” I felt like I was gonna lift off the toilet. Had to shower off every time it hit because splashback.
Craigglesofdoom@reddit
Diverticulitis because it is both serious and deeply gross in a way that even the most fucked up people don't want to discuss it.
TarantulaBassett@reddit
If you feel like trolling, tell them you needed a dick reduction surgery (if you have one) and they flew in several specialists b/c your junk is hella impressive. Or if you really want to be left alone about it, tell them you had some complications from a ‘minor procedure’ that might lead to some litigation so you’d rather not discuss it.
Whosbeenabadboy@reddit
Viral Pneumonia , they have to quarantine you for 5-7 days
aozzzy13@reddit
Pancreatitis, diverticulitis (colon inflammation/infection) pyelonephritis (kidney infection) +/- kidney stone.
Mr_Gaslight@reddit
Priapism.
MistressLyda@reddit
Noro and dehydration should do the trick.
Due-Process6984@reddit
Just say you had personal matters to attend to. That’s what it is. Everyone can F off.
AfterYam9164@reddit
It's. personal.
Appropriate_Gap97@reddit
This. If OP was admitted for mental health creating a lie to maintain is just going to mess with their mental health more. OP it’s illegal in America for your employer to request details.
Traditional_Bug_2046@reddit
Yes. It took me a long time to learn that some stuff is just no one's business.
OP, if you use other suggestions, you're going to dig a hole you might not be able to get out of. What if you run into a person who has/had the condition? Or they have a family member with it?
Most illnesses don't leave visible scars that a coworker can easily see so don't worry about not looking sick.
If you feel the need to say something beyond "it's personal" keep it as vague as possible and emphasize that it's hard to talk about. Like an unspecified family illness you don't want to talk about.
If you engage in any conversation about a fake illness, you have to be prepared that the people will continue to ask you about it, follow up about it, and reference it in the future. You marry yourself to this lie forever so don't ever forget details you make up. But just telling people an answer is not gonna protect you. It could make things worse for you.
CookieCuriosity@reddit
This. Nobody’s business but your own.
Hard to beat this will smith clip: https://youtu.be/WikPtKdffJ0?si=n4sZpxa4AI9T7xJo
Someone-Rebuilding@reddit
This for me.
greyrock101010@reddit
NAD but my partner got admitted for an ear infection for 4 days. That leaves no scars or anything, and other than another 2 weeks of ear drops morning and night, you would never know he was even sick.
MessyTrashPanda666@reddit
Nothing. Just refuse to talk about it.
pjbettasso@reddit
Just say exhaustion. Most people wont question that and if they do it is very believable in today's world.
Vicnot@reddit
I am a Brazilian doctor, so I might be subjected to different laws, however patient privacy laws are pretty universal, therefore, I don’t think you need to lie here.
In short: your medical record is confidential and you have a right for it to stay that way. Depending on your local laws, your doctor might not even need to identify your illness in his notice. If asked about it, say that your medical information is personal and you would rather not talk further about it. If pressured take the issue to a lawyer/HR/your boss.
merriman99@reddit
Golden Staph infection
WheredoesithurtRA@reddit
A bad case of Norovirus.
Destinymac16x3@reddit
My ex husband was admitted to the hospital for a week; he had a blood infection caused by an untreated kidney infection. He was give antibiotics intravenously for the week he was there. That could work.
Suckmybowlingballs@reddit
You had C. diff. Just say that they kept you for observation.
MmeHomebody@reddit
Don't lie, it's bad for your mental health and makes your word questionable if people find out.
Just say "Every once in a while I need a tune-up to stay healthy." If they press, look at them in disbelief and say "Actually, it's private."
mzincali@reddit
Penis reduction surgery.
YouNeedAnne@reddit
A severe case of Mindyourownfuckingbusiness...itis
scarletOwilde@reddit
A virus with complications. Leave it vague.
AliensCameOnMyFace@reddit
"None of your (fucking) business" is an acceptable answer.
MiceAreTiny@reddit
Medical treatment. No further details required. Go an about how bad the hospital food was, but you had a kind nurse.
Anyway, how about politics,... Eh? Anything new in your church?
PlasticGlitterPickle@reddit
Appendicitis!
LordMonster@reddit
Weird feeling in your left arm and chest pains. They had you on stroke alert and wanted to monitor and run tests to be certain.
Inevitable_Giraffe29@reddit
E. Coli
Chicken-picante@reddit
You don’t have to say.
I’ve been to both psych hospitals and regular hospitals for weeks at a time.
Shit I went to inpatient rehab for over 30 days. That one was like walking a tightrope because I used fmla. I left it up to my case manager to talk to HR without disclosing too much.
Anyway every time I’ve had acute pancreatitis I have to stay in the hospital for 5-7 days.
sfgothgirl@reddit
Severe pyelonephritis (kidney infection). Say that the bacteria was resistant to the typical antibiotics and that's why it took so many days. Make a big show of keeping up with your fluids, and take extra bathroom breaks. You might need to have a small water bottle to sound like you're peeing if other people are in the bathroom.
licgal@reddit
be vague
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Shingles
raven_widow@reddit
Pulmonary embolism.
Silver_Tradition6313@reddit
One easy explanation is an infection. I know a guy who works at the Humane Society. A cat bit him, and his hand swelled up a little. He ended uo in the hospital for 5 days with antibiotics drpping into his arm, and blood samples taken every 12 hours.
But there's one more issue that you need a cover story for: insurance. (I'm assuming you are American). People are going to ask you how much you had to pay the hospital. That will probably be more interesting to them than the medical stuff.
baconbitsy@reddit
“I’m not comfortable talking about finances.”
baconbitsy@reddit
Endometriosis. Double plus bonus if you’re a man.
MareV51@reddit
Really really bad migraine. Blindness, nausea/vomiting, blurred vision, can't drive.
Reasonable-Two-7298@reddit
just say "weird butt stuff"... that gets you out of, and into, all the best conversations
Iwentforalongwalk@reddit
Don't say anything. Just say "I'm feeling better and glad to be back " Practice discretion.
X-Lrg_Queef_Supreme@reddit
Tell them you were stricken with Nunya Bidness
100and10@reddit
Constipated
Real bad
TecN9ne@reddit
Noneya fucking business
It's extremely unprofessional to ask someone at work what reason they were off especially when they knew you were in the hospital. Ignore these questions.
Advanced_Couple_3488@reddit
Tell that that you were involuntarily sectioned because of uncontrollable impulses to torture and murder people you know who can't resist asking personal questions.
KnotUndone@reddit
You had to have a kidney stone surgically removed through your uretha. You had to have a catheter from your bladder into your kidney from the swelling. Its still very tender. It hurt so bad that you don't even want to talk about it. Drink lots of water for a few weeks to sell it. Tear up if anyone asks too many questions.
Apprehensive-Cable98@reddit
Flu A is a rough one that has hospitalized quite a few people in our area. “Shortness of breath and they were concerned that it was turning towards pneumonitis”. Younger people admitted to our hospital with this, not just the elderly.
amanuensisninja@reddit
"Took a chance on a buffet, couldn't get more than five feet from a terlet for days." <--- there will be no further questions
onesillymom@reddit
I was in the Hospital for five days with Kidney stones.
potheadmed@reddit
Small bowel obstruction - got better after a tube was in your nose, so surgery wasn't necessary, but couldnt eat or drink for a few days... it could recur at any time
feudal_ferret@reddit
A good tip for such situations is to "admit" something slightly embarrassing, yet harmless to your reputation. Like "I ate gas station sushi and got food poisoning".
The other person now can either accept this - or question it. But if they question its now them asking for details and you have a (seemingly) legit reason to become indignant and evasive.
Unic0rnusRex@reddit
Ciguatera poisoning from eating sushi with eel. I've seen it quite a few times and had patients admitted for it. Nausea, vomitting, stomach pains, even a few cardiac effects.
Patients just got IV fluids and electrolyte replacement. Takes a few days to clear. Can always say they wanted to make sure the kidneys were okay.
Rare but not implausible. It's a toxin made by sea algae that tropical fish eat and can subsequently poison people. You can't cook it away either. It's common in weird sushi and eel, especially shady places.
drunken_ferret@reddit
If you have any IV poles, 'Electrolytes were out of balance'. Always is good.
Needed IVs for calcium/potassium/ sodium fluctuations
MadamAndroid@reddit
That’s private personal information and you would appreciate it if they respected your privacy as you would theirs.
No-Cloud-1928@reddit
Pneumonia, staph infection?
GotTheCeliac@reddit
Last time I was in the psych ward I just told everyone it was pneumonia.
Sidewalk_Tomato@reddit
Of your two suggestions, pneumonia is arguably "better" because the average person knows more about it. Both are contagious, but staph involves boils/scabs/pus.
Not sure I'd be ready for someone to think I was oozing.
Lolipop6969@reddit
A horrid case of norovirus, you got so dehydrated from it coming out of both ends for a couple days you had to go to the hospital and it was decided they needed to keep you for a few days to treat you.
Kimolono42@reddit
Heart attack.
strawberrrychapstick@reddit
You could say food poisoning that lead to severe dehydration.
fight_me_for_it@reddit
Dizziness,,blurry vision, vertigo causing imbalance. Needed tests they kept you for observation and had you on fluids
EntertainmentBig8636@reddit
hemorrhoids
Authr42@reddit
An infection (pneumonia, norovirus) sounds less chronic than heartbeat issues
Cant_Plop_This@reddit
I was in a physc hospital for 3 weeks. My boss said I had an adverse reaction to meds and no one asked a thing. Anyone that does is a busy cunt
sweetpea122@reddit
Exhaustion is what celebs use. Id just go with anything relating to flu with diarrhea if youre not famous
thatbodyartgirl@reddit
Heart palpitations and the EKG was wonky and your potassium came back low so you had to stay for a few days for cardiac monitoring and potassium replacement. Simple enough people won’t really ask questions
Redplushie@reddit
Day double pneumonia and let them know you're still having trouble adjusting to doing anything physically streanus strenuous even long talks. I had this and even talking for a while left me out of breath
goodjuju123@reddit
"It's really stupid but when I sneezed, I threw out my lower back. I'm totally fine now, thanks."
microwaved-tatertots@reddit
I used to if I didn’t lift one of my legs lol
microwaved-tatertots@reddit
I wish people would open up about it but I understand. This society is pushing us to the breaking point. It’s like we’re either funneled through the jail system or rehab/psychiatric care
Wrasse22@reddit
Norovirus which lead to severely dehydration
controversydirtkong@reddit
Hemorrhoids, severe hemorrhoids and an anal gland infection. They will not follow up. Lol.
time_is_the_master@reddit
" It's personal and I do not want to discuss it" that's it man no need to lie. It's got nothing to do with them.
beardedwithchildren@reddit
You could go with an Intractable migraine that required hospitalization for IV therapy. You could also go with telling anyone who asks to go fuck themselves.
HonkIfBored@reddit
Migraine?
androidbear04@reddit
Psychiatry is somewhat close to neurology, so that might be a plausible option.
MacintoshEddie@reddit
My advice is don't try to be vague and say stuff like "weird test results" because that just feeds gossip and naturally leads to people speculating.
Just say it's personal.
Or say you got an action figure stuck in your rectum.
knittykittyemily@reddit
Asthma attack
margiiiwombok@reddit
Gastro. Ain't nobody gonna ask for details of you vomiting and shitting yourself. They would be grateful you didn't come in and spread the germs. It's highly contagious and its always recommended you stay away from others for at least 24-48 hours after your last symptoms.
Acceptable-One-4130@reddit
You could say you found out you were diabetic and ended up in the hospital for DKA.... bonus more frequent access to snacks and blood glucose monitoring kits can be bought online for cheap if you wanna look more legit... Maybe in time your diabetes can get more under control and you can switch to "taking the pills at home" so you don't have to pretend to do the insulin for long.
FIRE-trash@reddit
Hemorrhoids... There will be no follow up questions
nicholus_h2@reddit
doesn't last a week.
lots of people have hemorrhoids. somebody would know you are bullshitting.
ValleyOakPaper@reddit
Yeah, as painful as hemorrhoids can be, your PCP will tell you to get Preparation H and call it a day.
TheWriteMoment@reddit
Your life. Your private business, no one gets your personal details on anything unless you want them too.
ValleyOakPaper@reddit
I think the usual recommendation is to say that you had a bad reaction to a medication, so they kept you in for observation for a week. You can play up how bored you were and how bland hospital food is, if you like.
Do not elaborate on the type of medication. Just say it's personal if people ask.
The nice thing about the "bad reaction to medication" is that you don't have any restrictions afterwards and of course no scars or cast or anything like that.
wags070707@reddit
NVN syndrome. Nevo Vestrum Negotium Syndrome. Rare disease from the Latin “none of your business”
Educational_Panic78@reddit
How about your medical history is none of their business but you’re feeling better now.
Batwyane@reddit
Bacterial menegitis, you had a bad headache/ flu symptoms and by the time you went to the ER you were running a 106 fever. Got on antibiotics and had to stay for some tests and let the antibiotics do their job.
jackdaw_t_robot@reddit
They had discovered a growth that turned out to be a parasitic twin and they had to cut it out before it developed into a full-on Kuato. After that say, “gotcha! But seriously don’t ask me again.”
roscoebonobode@reddit
‘I had a UTI didn’t have symptoms and ended up with a nasty kidney infection. Needed a few days of IV antibiotics before they could send me home with the prescription’ (most believable if you’re a girl)
majestyyy_@reddit
Pneumonia. People know chest infections can be dangerous and often require hospital stays/monitoring. Probably the easiest route to go if you don’t want too much follow up
Young_Old_Grandma@reddit
I usually find that the less you say, the better.
You can say you were unwell. if they probe, just simply say I'm not comfortable sharing it and prefer to keep it private.
If you'd like to say something, just say you had severe sleeping problems and they had to send you in for further studies.
Potential-Bench-329@reddit
Just say you had a minor infection and they put you in because of a false positive for sepsis. Happens all the time.
gnyssa@reddit
How about... "thank you for your concern but I prefer not to talk about it"
Sizzlenostake@reddit
Heart arrhythmia, couldn’t get your blood pressure to raise
omegasome@reddit
Appendix leaves a scar, plus it can only happen once so if their appendix actually bursts later...
Clownheadwhale@reddit
If you're male, say it was a man problem and you WILL NOT discuss it. It's personal. If you're female, vice-versa.
yukonnut@reddit
Say you had syphilis, but it went away by itself.
MomAndDadSaidNotTo@reddit
Just tell them you had bad chest pains and an irregular heartbeat and it took a bit for them to get you totally stable, then they kept you a little longer to make sure this wasn't something that could happen again. If they inquire further, just say you were really deficient in a couple of vitamins that you can't remember the names of but they have you on prescription supplements and you're all good now.
RelsircTheGrey@reddit
Bird flu
WalkingGodInfinite@reddit
Tell them you for the government, and you had to do a job that left you hospitalized.