Do you ever pat people on the head?

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Reader47b@reddit

My kids like to pat me on the head because I am short and they are taller than me. They tink it's funny.

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Pugilist12@reddit

Sure, if I want to be wildly condescending.

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Young children that I know and they know me well, yes. Anyone else and it would be considered a rude and demeaning gesture. There’s something inherently authoritative about it that just makes it wierd to do to anyone who isn’t a child, but to a kid it’s more of an affectionate, almost protective kind of gesture.

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Wii_wii_baget@reddit

No. I hate it when people touch my face it’s weird I’m ok with friends doing it but I’ve had strangers just touch my hair and head before and my god I hate it. I try not to because if its uncomfortable for me it’s probably just as uncomfortable for anyone else

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5432198@reddit

For some reason in middle/high school it was a thing to pay each other on the head.

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sammysbud@reddit

To my siblings that I'm trying to piss off in a patronizing way? Yes.

Anybody else? Hell fucking no.

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oswin13@reddit

No. Only my dog. It would be very condescending to do to an adult unless they are in on the joke.

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Buhos_En_Pantelones@reddit

Just to let them know I'm almost finished.

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473713@reddit

I do not touch other people socially except for shaking hands if absolutely necessary (and I hate doing that but it's courtesy).

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WrongJohnSilver@reddit

Girlfriends like head pats. But, like, establish that girlfriend relationship first.

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purplishfluffyclouds@reddit

I promise you she does not like it.

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Lovebeingadad54321@reddit

Children? Yes.

Fellow adults? Not just no, but HELL NO. Good way to get punched in the face, or shot…

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MsPennyP@reddit

And just my own children not other people's children. Maybe could get away with a neice/nephew if close, but not random children.

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purplishfluffyclouds@reddit

I've never even pat my own child on the head. I didn't give birth to dog.

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Lovebeingadad54321@reddit

Yeah, I meant children I know, not some random child at the playground.

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StarSpangleBRangel@reddit

You would shoot someone over that,

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Lovebeingadad54321@reddit

I wouldn’t shoot someone over that, but there are probably some crazy people out there who would.

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purplishfluffyclouds@reddit

No. Never. It's insulting and rude, even to a child. Human beings aren't dogs (and generally speaking, you should pat a dog on the head at all, either).

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djbigtv@reddit

Better bring a towel.

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BelleMakaiHawaii@reddit

Hell no, people are yucky animals why would I pet one

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mongotongo@reddit

George H. W. Bush did it to Dukakis during one of their presidential debates. Outside of that, I have never seen it done to an adult.

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enya1292@reddit

No 🤣. Any adult and most older children would find you most strange. I only did my kids (when they were very little, toddlers) and my furry pets.

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Dangerous-Ball-7340@reddit

I do that to the 8 year old soccer players a coach. Mostly because I'm over six foot and they are under 4 foot, so that's easier than me patting them on the back. I mostly do it when they've messed up or gotten hurt so I try to reduce their anxiety in that moment.

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CosmicGreen_Giraffe3@reddit

Maybe a super young child. Or my husband as a joke.

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Dave_A480@reddit

Only my own (under age 10) kids.

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PlatinumElement@reddit

My Korean mother in law got upset when I patted my younger sister-in-law on the head. She thought it was disrespectful.

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Livvylove@reddit

For a second I thought you patted your MIL on the head when I glanced at your post

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PlatinumElement@reddit

I’ll try that and report right ba

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Streamjumper@reddit

RIP

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CupBeEmpty@reddit

If you still have hands left to type.

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ThePurityPixel@reddit

Didn't you notice? u/PlatinumElement's hands apparently disappeared before they could finish the reply

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ScreamingLightspeed@reddit

I've done that!

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abbys_alibi@reddit

Agree with your MIL. It's very condescending.

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PlatinumElement@reddit

Oh, trust me, I know that now. I was just used to doing that with younger siblings/cousins so did it out of habit.

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qu33nof5pad35@reddit

I’ve never done such a thing… and I don’t really like touching other people’s heads.

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Someshortchick@reddit

No, I can't reach

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LordofDD93@reddit

Maybe you might pat the head of a little kid or a sibling, and only if the relationship between the two people is generally close like a parent to a child, but not to strangers or colleagues, or to adults in general. It can be seen as demeaning and treating someone as a child, and an invasion of personal space.

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TwoGad@reddit

Jokingly and sarcastically as if to say “bless your heart”

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mp85747@reddit

I used to do that online. ;-) There's an icon.

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coysbville@reddit

No. If you pat me on my head, I'm gonna think you're trying to big bro me, and I'm gonna ask what the hell your problem is

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Zardozin@reddit

Only if I’m deliberately being condescending.

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Mushrooming247@reddit

I pat my son on the head all the time because he has fluffy springy curls and they are fun to pat.

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Mountain_Man_88@reddit

When I was in college I had a girlfriend but I also had a female coworker that always gave me those "kiss me" eyes. I would pat her on the head. She was about a foot shorter than me too. I'm honestly not sure how she took it. My goal was to protect/maintain my relationship, though in retrospect I probably would've been happier with the coworker than with my actual girlfriend.

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CandleSea4961@reddit

Hell no! Never have, never would. And if anyone touches me, they’ll get it tenfold back.

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CupBeEmpty@reddit

Don’t threaten me with a good time…

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CandleSea4961@reddit

Hahahhahaa!

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ScreamingLightspeed@reddit

So you would pet them 10 times? Okey-dokey! :D

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CandleSea4961@reddit

Pet 10x with my fist- correct!

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dausy@reddit

me and my husband will pat each other on the head on occasion just to be silly. I wouldn't do it to anybody else not close family though.

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HoidsApprentice1121@reddit

I do it to my younger cousin to annoy her, usually after she’s done it or something to annoy me

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Appropriate_Copy8285@reddit

Yes, stupid people i am comforting.

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codenameajax67@reddit

Only to romantic partners.

Or if someone is wearing a helmet. Then it's pretty common.

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Vachic09@reddit

Rarely, and it's usually a child.

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Humbler-Mumbler@reddit

Just little kids I know.

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Cheap_Coffee@reddit

Are you sure you're in the right sub? r/southkorea

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sharrrper@reddit

Young children maybe. Anyone else would probably be seen as condescending.

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pfta4@reddit

Never seen it done in my entire life in a serious/non-playful way. I find it weird when I see it on foreign tv/movies/whatever.

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miketugboat@reddit

Good way to start a fight

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twelveangryken@reddit

I have done it as a joke very occasionally if dealing with a good sport. It has always been in the context of, "You know you fucked up a little, but we really appreciate the effort." Always with peers, never an underling or any woman in the workplace. Maybe it's kind of a school thing, but the precise dynamic is hard to explain because it's somewhat broader than that; IYKYK. Being treated thusly under the right conditions is a mark of acceptance. If your friends or close associates can't patronize you for fun when you deserve it, who can? And if you can't take it from them, what are you good for out in the real world?

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taniamorse85@reddit

No. I've only encountered people patting children on the head, or patting someone on the head to be condescending. I've dealt with the latter far too often as a wheelchair user.

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Suppafly@reddit

Maybe with my kids or my wife as a joke, never with a stranger or coworker. I think it's a bit of an anime thing, not a real life thing and definitely not a US thing.

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stcrIight@reddit

I grew up a tall girl so I would pat boys heads when they were being misogynistic to remind them they were short but otherwise, not really? Patting people's heads is definitely a thing for close family and maybe friends that are cool with that sort of thing otherwise it's rude.

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TwinFrogs@reddit

Nope. Never.

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squidthief@reddit

That would be breaking the American personal bubble rule. You can do it to kids though. It’s a polite way to show affection without hugging them (which is not acceptable to do to kids if you’re an unrelated adult).

Do it to a preteen or teenager at your own peril.

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StarSpangleBRangel@reddit

My girlfriend is 5’2. I am 6’2. I pat her on the head whenever she gets uppity or disagrees with me politically. She hates it, but she can’t leave because I put her car keys on top of the fridge.

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towerofcheeeeza@reddit

Meanwhile I'm 5'4 and my fiance is 6'3 and I love receiving head pats. I also reach up to give him head pats when he does something good.

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Spooky_Tree@reddit

I love this. The only person who is allowed to pay me is my husband. He only does it when I'm being adorable. Which is a lot apparently, maybe it's the height difference 😂

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ScreamingLightspeed@reddit

Hey I'm 5'0" and my husband is only 5'4" and he thinks I'm very adorable all the time and pets me a lot, thank you very much!

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ScreamingLightspeed@reddit

I also receive the head pats from my husband when I'm being uppity lol

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FindingMememo@reddit

Us 5’2” girls can parkour a kitchen better than you realize, move the keys towards the back of the fridge for maximum effectiveness

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elvenpossible@reddit

I have never done this. I find it condescending and never see anyone else do it either (west coast native)

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ScreamingLightspeed@reddit

Occasionally.

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Hopeful_Cry917@reddit

When I'm feeling reckless I do it to my best friend who is 4'11. Always make sure I have my shoes tied well before doing it though because she is violent. I also call her my human chihuahua...from a distance.

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Smart_Engine_3331@reddit

Maybe a young kid i was related to and/or was familiar with but generally, no.

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Spooky_Tree@reddit

Generally a pat pat is fairly rare but it happens. I pat my 1 year old when she's being cute/silly. My husband has patted my head when I've done something adorable or silly as well. It's sort of an "aww" gesture used only between very close people. If used incorrectly it would be very patronizing, and really depends on the context and relationship. If anyone other than my husband did it to me I'd be throwing hands.

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crys1348@reddit

Only as some sort of joke. Never seriously. Even patting a kid in the head is weird.

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ToastetteEgg@reddit

I don’t think I’ve ever been patted on the head, nor would I pat someone else’s head. This is not thing in America, except maybe an old lady and her little great grandson.

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Bluemonogi@reddit

Maybe a baby or toddler but not older children or adults.

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travelinmatt76@reddit

My sister's husband does that to her and it makes my stomach turn.

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yalejosie@reddit

Generally no. I wish people would pat me though bc I like it ;w;

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dumbandconcerned@reddit

I’ve done it to nephews/little cousins, but not people older than elementary school

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GetCashQuitJob@reddit

I pay my kids on the head. They're not huggers.

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SorcererSupremPizza@reddit

To mess with my shorter friends

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zebostoneleigh@reddit

Not adults. Maybe kids.

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TipsyBaker_@reddit

I've done it. Mostly to be a dick.

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Rare_Tear_1125@reddit

My friend Kacie does, but she doesn't say anything lol

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Cyoarp@reddit

I'm an American and people used to Pat me on the head all the time when I was a kid.

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SirTheRealist@reddit

I pat my nieces and nephews on the head

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theHedgehogsDillemma@reddit

Cats…

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jonesdb@reddit

Kids all the time. I coach little kids hockey. Pat them on the helmet a lot now that I think about it.

It’s usually a “good job” like a pat on the back but for kids.

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cdb03b@reddit

Small Children? yes.

Anyone older than say 5? no.

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Aguywhoknowsstuff@reddit

All the time to friends. Usually in a form of affectionate jest.

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MeanTelevision@reddit

Only a parent with a very small child...I've never seen head pats otherwise. It would be considered very demeaning, to do it to someone older or not close to you.

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Large-Comfort5757@reddit

My wife

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OwlishIntergalactic@reddit

Only to my child.

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Equivalent-Pin-4759@reddit

Only if you consider dogs, people.

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sanedragon@reddit

My toddlers, yes. As a term of affection.

Never anyone else. It's rude.

I'm short and have had it done to me as an adult. It's insulting AF.

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sysaphiswaits@reddit

To another adult? That would be tremendously rude here, and in some place might even get you hit.

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PlatinumElement@reddit

You’re supposed to kiss your homies on the top of their head, or at least that’s what the barbecue scenes in the Fast and the Furious have taught me.

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Glad-Cat-1885@reddit

Occasionally to my nieces that are 3 and 1

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CupBeEmpty@reddit

Hahaha I do. One guy. He’s my sister’s husband and I do it as a joke. He’s both annoyed and amused by it.

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schonleben@reddit

Only as a joke with someone I’m very comfortable with.

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Casualboblandenjoyer@reddit

For me only my younger family members and my friends when I'm condescending specifically the shirt ones

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44035@reddit

I used to pat my older sister on the head to show off how tall I was getting.

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kerfuffle_fwump@reddit

I do this all the time to my kid, nieces/nephews, kids of good friends.

Sometimes I’ll stroke my husband’s hair, but that’s not exactly a pat…

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MerryWannaRedux@reddit

With kids, it's not unusual at all.

Totally unacceptable if you do it to that cute girl (or guy) you're hitting on at the bar. :-)

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Jhooper20@reddit

Only people I'd do it to outside of kids are my two younger sisters. And even then, I'd only do it simply to tease or just mess with them a little for the fun of it.

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Pyroluminous@reddit

Adults with children they are related to is about the extent I’ve experienced

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SmugScientistsDad@reddit

I never have. Not even kids.

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Primary_Excuse_7183@reddit

A kid maybe. An adult? You’ll get your jaw rearranged you touch someone like that.

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Birdywoman4@reddit

I heard that it is offensive to pat people on the head in some Asian countries.

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tvan184@reddit

I worked extensively in a Vietnamese community as a police officer starting in about 1987. I ate there at least about four days a week, learn some of the language and culture, etc..

I was told almost 40 years ago that patting someone on the head meant you were trying to take away their soul. It was a big time faux pas.

I left it at that and did not do any research if that was true or not or how many in the community went by that culture. Maybe in the modern society they didn’t actually believe it was trying to take away a personal soul, but going back to the old days, was still rude.

I know several people told me at the time, do not pat people on the head for that reason, even children.

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DOMSdeluise@reddit

I do to my kids sometimes

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AffectionateRadio356@reddit

No. As an adult man there's and extremely, extremely limited set of people and circumstances where this would not illicit retaliation. That's a level of disrespect that could not be tolerated.

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TheReal_Saba@reddit

Every chance I get

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boboskibo@reddit

Mostly short people. They love it

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shammy_dammy@reddit

No.

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Bundt-lover@reddit

It’d be seen as extremely disrespectful to anyone other than a small child—because the insinuation is that you see them as equivalent to a small child.

Don’t do that to anyone unless you’re 110% sure they will not take offense.

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averysadlawyer@reddit

No, and this isn’t a thing in Korea either.

Comics and anime aren’t real life.

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Icy_Huckleberry_8049@reddit

NO, not as an American.

Korean and American are NOT alike.

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tvan184@reddit

Really?

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zozigoll@reddit

Sometimes when I walk past my girlfriend’s young kids, I gently put my hand on their heads. It’s partly affection, partly to let them know I’m there so they don’t get startled. But I don’t “pat” them.

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