In which parts of the US do people tend to be more sociable/reserved?

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Current_Echo3140@reddit

If you want to meet the new best friends you’ve ever had, cmon down to New Orleans.

There are different cultures depending on the region you’re in for sure (it takes me about three days of being in another city to stop smiling and saying hi to everyone I pass) but the thing people are missing is that the biggest variable is not the region, it’s going to be YOU. Are you white or black or middle eastern? Do you have an accent? Are you old or young? Do you look rich or poor?

A well dressed white dude is going to have a very different experience in any region than, well, just about anyone else. And that’s almost universal across the country

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BleepBlorpBloopBlorp@reddit

Folks will say north v south, but an emerging difference is suburban v everything else.

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bathesinbbqsauce@reddit

I would add rural (esp South and Midwest) tends to be more, suburban a bit less, urban less so. And economic status - wealthy less so, blue collar much more so. Then also city to city - ex. Cleveland by FAR more friendly than Columbus

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BleepBlorpBloopBlorp@reddit

I disagree about urban in most cases. I’ve lived in all three types of communities. When I lived in cities (usually downtowns) I knew dozens of my neighbors and interacted with thousands of people every day who defaulted to common courtesies (taking turns on the bus, etc.). I had no car. I could walk to the grocery store and I loved it.

When I lived in the suburbs, I knew almost none of my neighbors, except the HOA-types who make life miserable for everyone. I had to have a car. Everyone had Ring doorbells and demanded to know why people walked by their house. It was isolating and treeless like a prison.

I am most afraid of being murdered in a suburb.

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Pbferg@reddit

Statistics would disagree with that fear

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General_Watch_7583@reddit

My (limited) experience is that people that are transplanted into an area are often less friendly. I think there are exceptions to this, but many new people in a place are either used to moving frequently or feel like they are somewhere temporarily and have no real need to put down roots. I think the friendlier people, specifically in the sense of “oh am I chatty with my neighbor,” are locals.

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innocentbabybear@reddit

Midwest people are generally a mixture of nice and sociable but also not the type that go out of their way to be so

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RockyArby@reddit

The South and Mid-West tend to be more social. The North-East and Pacific North-West tend to be more reserved. California tends to mix it up.

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PenImpossible874@reddit

Having grown up in NorCal, NorCal is as reserved as OR and WA.

SoCal is as sociable as the rest of the Southwest.

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ikindalold@reddit

I've been to California several times and each time the people there were very sociable and eager to make a new friend, very energetic too but that comes with the territory. I've also been to the Midwest, which I've been told was the epitome of friendly places, but getting any of them to be friendly and cut loose without the aid of alcohol was like pulling teeth.

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Classic-Dog-9324@reddit

Seattle is more reserved. There’s even the term “Seattle Freeze”. I am from Seattle, and now live in the UK. I would say it’s very similar. But I have no problem with it and find some parts of the US overly sociable and uncomfortable.

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88-81@reddit (OP)

How did you end up in the UK?

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Classic-Dog-9324@reddit

Work brought me here 10 years ago, and I love it so I stayed.

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DisgruntledGoose27@reddit

The south is friendly/sociable but secretly mean. The midwest is friendly/sociable - actually friendly. The northeast is not friendly/sociable but secretly nice. The northwest is introverted but friendly - actually friendly. The southwest is mean and does not pretend otherwise.

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Available-Risk-5918@reddit

As an Iranian I feel like southerners are similar to Middle Easterners in terms of culture. Lots of hospitality but also tons of gossip. I am friends with a Pakistani girl from Arkansas and she said the people in Arkansas are quite similar to Pakistanis when it comes to their relations with family, community, and strangers. On the surface they're vastly difference, but at their core they have more in common than meets the eye

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DisgruntledGoose27@reddit

They are both religious and conservative with cultures based in fear and family. Just different religions.

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DisgruntledGoose27@reddit

I’ve heard it as in new york city they will insult you while helping you. in alabama they will compliment you while screwing you over

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Quenzayne@reddit

I've been all over the United States and I've met sociable people, angry people, snobby people, and everything in between everywhere. It's really a people thing more than a regional thing.

In the south, for example, for every sweet southern belle there's some angry redneck blowing past you in his lifted truck. In the northeast, for every jagged-edged urbanite, there's blue-collar union families that are the salt of the Earth. Out west, for every self-obsessed rich LA jerk, there's a chilled-out half-hippy surfer type who would give you his last dime if you needed it.

So I don't think there's really a good answer to your question. I wouldn't be able to generalize about any region of the US like this.

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88-81@reddit (OP)

I think this is really interesting reply: after all, the US are a huge country and I'd imagine all the nuance of variety of the US extend to the people.

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Creative-Sea955@reddit

In Europe, I tend to associate this behavior with the climate. The farther north you go (Germany Norway), the colder it gets, leading people to stay indoors more and be less sociable. In warmer regions, people spend more time outside, making them more social and friendly. In US, South is warm maybe people more friendly in south.

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FAx32@reddit

Maybe. Grew up in the Northwest and the joke was always that we were so polite we caused traffic jams at 4 way stops (you go, no you go, no you first - I insist, etc.,). Polite and friendly aren't just warm outdoor traits. 30 years ago I worked for a company that would sent me to Jackson, MS to work in the paper mill regularly. The racism was shocking to me (not people being racist toward me, but the racist lines that dared not be crossed that I didn't know about and therefore was doing something wrong -- according to the white guys), felt very unsociable. I hated it.

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I_Hate_Reddit_56@reddit

The Seattle freeze. Northwest people are polite but don't want to talk to you.

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Gunther482@reddit

Which is kind of funny because in the US the Midwest is generally considered to be the friendliest area of the country and that’s where all of the Germans and Scandinavians are at in the US.

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I_Hate_Reddit_56@reddit

The Pacific Northwest is much more unfriendly. I blame the weather

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botulizard@reddit

You're 100% correct. People are people, and there's all kinds of people in all kinds of places. Does environment factor in somehow? Probably, but it's not the be-all-end-all that people act like it is.

Coming, as you do, from a place with an undeserved reputation for near-universal meanness, there's very little I hate more than people who feel the need to go out of their way to perform those stereotypes for the entertainment of people from other places when it's not really who they are. Behind every self-proclaimed "Masshole" who acts like an asshole because he's "from Boston", there's a tryhard poser who's actually from Tewksbury or something.

The only motherfuckers I want to slap harder are the insufferable pricks who try to rationalize it by regurgitating the "kind but not nice" pablum.

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sadthrow104@reddit

This probably applies to the world over. Even in more homogenous countries you still got all types of personalities

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DropTopEWop@reddit

This.

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blueprint_01@reddit

I agree

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Beautiful-Owl-3216@reddit

In NYC you can meet and make friends with 50 people on your block within a few weeks like in Napoli.

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Maquina-25@reddit

The trend of more sociable south, more reserved north holds for every northern hemisphere country I’ve been to except Britain, the US included.

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Trimyr@reddit

I lived on Guam for about a decade, and even for that tiny island it holds true.

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TheViolaRules@reddit

Exceptions: the Midwest, which is just sociable, and the entire west cost of the US, which is not really (polite yes, but not sociable).

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BottleTemple@reddit

I found Californians pretty sociable when I lived there.

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Dai-The-Flu-@reddit

Not in the Bay Area

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sendCommand@reddit

Whereabouts in the Bay Area did you live or visit? I find folks to be pretty friendly here. A bit noncommittal, maybe, but friendly and neighborly.

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earthhominid@reddit

What's your experience in the bay area? I've always found them very friendly.

A little anecdote to highlight that;

I had once agreed to take a friend to the airport for an early morning flight to France. He was a complete degenerate, so he decided he would party late and we could just go straight to the airport. So we were at this little underground club at like 2 am with a hip hop act performing and I decided I'd go take a little nap in the corner until we left. Shortly after I laid down I feel someone shaking my leg, I open my eyes and it's a young guy I don't know. He says to me, "hey buddy, you tired? You want some of this?" And he proceeds to cut me out a line on the table.

The fact that I did rail a line of, what turned out to be, damn good coke offered up by a stranger off a speakeasy table should not distract from the fact that offering some of your drugs for free to a stranger so that they can enjoy the after hours party more is an incredibly friendly move.

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BottleTemple@reddit

I lived in the South Bay Area and I thought people were pretty friendly there.

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tlonreddit@reddit

I met a Californian guy in 2002 and all he said when I talked to him was "Thats hella rad, man!"

They're sociable...but an interesting kind of sociable.

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BottleTemple@reddit

You basing this off of one guy you met 23 years ago?

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tlonreddit@reddit

A personal anecdote. Not a representation of 33 million people.

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FAx32@reddit

Only about 5 million of them. ;)

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ZombiePrepper408@reddit

I do say Dude and Hella more than I should.

Rad is a little far out

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MeanTelevision@reddit

I'd describe Californians as reserved but sociable.

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earthhominid@reddit

There's lots of chatty people in California. It's a big and diverse state, so who they are, who you are, and where you are will create a lot of different dynamics.

I feel like strangers are always initiating friendly chats in California.

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MeanTelevision@reddit

Why argue experiences. Everyone will have a different experience therefore a different POV. California is a huge state with millions of people in it so obviously no one single thing will be true everywhere or of everyone, and that applies to pretty much any internet discussion fwiw.

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earthhominid@reddit

I didn't "argue experiences", I added my anecdotal experience to yours. Because it was very different.

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MeanTelevision@reddit

I di not mean argue in a pejorative sense. Read my second paragraph. It was not at you personally or singly.

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earthhominid@reddit

I don't know how you expect conversations to go, but you offered up a generalized impression and I responded with my own generalized impression (with qualifications) because it was so much different than yours.

I didn't say you were wrong, simply shared my impression to add to the discussion

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MeanTelevision@reddit

And I politely explained that you took it too personally and now you're combative a second time, please stop. Thanks.

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earthhominid@reddit

People sharing a different perspective than you in a completely non confrontational way isn't "combative".

This whole conversation is recorded in text and it's obvious that I haven't engaged with you combatively.

If you're only interested in expressing your opinion without having anyone respond with different opinions then you might have more luck with a blog that doesn't allow comments.

When you participate in public fora as part of the wider internet you're liable to encounter people disagreeing with you. How you navigate that reality is a personal choice

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MeanTelevision@reddit

Seriously this is the third personal attack you've made just because I said experiences are not absolutes.

I asked you to stop so at this point it's just harassment. Unfortunately my block list is full so all I can do is ask you to stop aiming replies at me so my inbox can breathe. Thanks.

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earthhominid@reddit

You haven't been personally attacked.

What you're engaging in is a form of abuse and harassment. The fact that your block list is full tells me that this is how you engage all the time. That's incredibly unhealthy.

I hope that you find the help that you need to heal your ability to relate with the world around you.

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MeanTelevision@reddit

And this is yet another reply from you which is nothing but another personal attack. I have not abused nor harassed you. "Please stop" was said early on and is a full sentence. I dislike when someone has misunderstood and I fall into explaining myself when or if someone continues, but you've clearly been asked more than once to stop and you continue to insult and double down on this prolonged volley. I'm not going to return fire. You refuse to stop. From now on you will be ignored.

And I expected the insult once I divulged anything at all e.g. my block list. Just gave you ammo and let it sit to see what you'd do. Very predictable.

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BottleTemple@reddit

I’d describe them as friendly and sociable.

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MeanTelevision@reddit

Those are kinda the same things but what I meant was, they won't likely make the first move. But they will be pleasant with you, most of the time.

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coysbville@reddit

But at the same time, major cities up north are usually more sociable than small towns down south. I grew up in Mississippi and live in NYC now, and it's far more sociable up here even when it's 20° outside

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madogvelkor@reddit

Probably related to the old Germanic-Celtic divide.

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South_Web4277@reddit

ITT: people from up north saying how rude and gross people from the south are as if their assumptions aren’t rude and gross

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coysbville@reddit

From my experience, you have it backwards

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South_Web4277@reddit

Based on what I’ve read in this thread I think that I nailed it

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coysbville@reddit

I haven't seen anything about northerners saying southerners are rude

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dystopiadattopia@reddit

As they say in the US, people from the West Coast are nice, but not kind, while people from the East Coast are kind, but not nice.

Still, I think NYC is one of the friendliest places I've lived. They can be rough on the outside, but if you get them talking - and it's not hard to get them talking - they'll give you their life story.

Contrast this with northern California, where I've also lived, and you can't get two words out of anybody. The place is full of cold fish.

So yeah, I'd say the East Coast, the Northeast in particular, is very sociable, while the West Coast is more reserved. I can't speak for the Midwest or South, as I've never lived there, but based on my travels south of the Mason-Dixon line, if you're white, straight, and Christian, they'll love you.

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sendCommand@reddit

I don’t know about the cold fish part. I think it’s a case of not vibing well with people.

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7empestSpiralout@reddit

What an ignorant post about the south lol

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ThePurityPixel@reddit

In my experience, the most sociable places are the ones where people have to network in order to make it. Nashville was a prime example of this. Extremely gossipy city, but also the easiest place to make connections. Pre-COVID, at least.

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Flipperroll@reddit

I think it depends on who you are, but for me I found that people in California are more chatty/engage in small talk, but there’s a lack of looking out for their neighbors and community. People in the north east are less chatty/outgoing but there’s more of a sense of community/compassion for others. I’ve found people in the Midwest to be pretty friendly toward me despite me being LGBT whereas sometimes in the south that’ll get me mean looks from people, even if I was handed a bunch of religious pamphlets in Nebraska it felt done out of kindness rather than hate. Southerners are friendly over all, but there can be a lot of bigotry in smaller towns if you stand out as too different.

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Pale-Candidate8860@reddit

I left for opportunities. My family moved throughout the same state my whole life growing up, so then understood when I became an adult, the desire to seek something elsewhere. I have a great relationship with my family, but I don't and they don't expect me to follow them where they go or vice versa

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JadeBeach@reddit

People are definitely more reserved in parts of the West: the Dakotas, Wyoming, eastern Idaho, eastern Utah, western Colorado..... In general, most of rural America is more reserved.

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Disastrous_Pear6473@reddit

In the south you have no privacy and no one’s a stranger. In the north people also tend to be a bit more reserved.

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Gold-Leather8199@reddit

Usually any small city or town

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Randomizedname1234@reddit

I’m from the south and while we’re friendly, people from Minnesota were the nicest I’ve ever met!

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ZombiePrepper408@reddit

"Minnesota Nice" is a real thing.

People from the Twin Cities think that's going away but that wasn't my experience

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4x4Lyfe@reddit

This shit is hilarious AF to me as someone who's entore family on one side is from Minnesota and Wisconsin. They are all fucking dicks their neighbors are fucking dicks and they all know it.

This is Minnesota

https://youtu.be/vm-MrkoJPC8?si=RUIyKBspTB196Huw

Very negative and pessimistic

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shelwood46@reddit

I grew up in Wisconsin and I thought people understood that "Minnesota Nice" meant nice to your face while they stab you in the back, aka passive-aggressive (which is a lot of the upper midwest in my experience, not just MN).

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MeanTelevision@reddit

Minnesota is part of the midwest, which is known for being friendly.

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Dangerous985@reddit

I'm from Michigan and being hospitable is a point of pride around here. Generally very welcoming around my part but I go to other cities and towns and people aren't as welcoming.

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eyetracker@reddit

I noticed a stark difference inside the city and 40 miles outside of it.

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BottleTemple@reddit

I’ve never encountered much friendliness in the south, but I agree with you about Minnesota.

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Randomizedname1234@reddit

I’m in and from Atlanta, we’re different than more rural parts to be fair.

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jonny300017@reddit

I’ve never met polite or friendly people from the South. Just people who say that people from the South are more polite and friendly than everyone else. Which is really just bad manners. I’ve met a lot of people with bad manners from the South.

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BankManager69420@reddit

I’m curious if these are people in the south or from the south? Most people I met while visiting the South were very friendly, but that was not always the case with people who moved away from the South.

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jonny300017@reddit

In the south, from the south

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Randomizedname1234@reddit

This is kind of spot on. They say they’re blunt or honest but they are just being dicks.

But Atlanta and the suburbs do have a friendly feel.

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jonny300017@reddit

I’m sure there’s friendly people everywhere but the general impression I had is that most people in the South are fake.

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Randomizedname1234@reddit

Right again, “bless your heart” is always followed by an insult.

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Unique_Statement7811@reddit

I travel to Atlanta about every other month for work. It’s not a friendly city. People are loud, rude, don’t respect space and have no idea what customer service is. “Southern Hospitality” was civil war propaganda.

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BottleTemple@reddit

Are you saying you’re more friendly or less friendly?

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Randomizedname1234@reddit

More lol

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platoniclesbiandate@reddit

Interesting I have season tickets to the Panthers in Charlotte and have met fan bases from every NFL team. The friendliest were the Vikings fans! It’s like they were southern with a different accent.

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Randomizedname1234@reddit

I used to work for a company out of Minneapolis and they’re legit some of the nicest folks!!

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MeanTelevision@reddit

Oh yah fer sher, uff da.

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NoCountryForOld_Zen@reddit

The same is true for the USA.

I moved from the north to the south.

If I popped a tire in the south, I could ask for help and someone might say "Omg, that's terrible! I'm so sorry that happened! I'll be praying for you!" and then they'd drive away without helping.

I broke down in New York once on my motorcycle. Somebody pulled over and asked me if my bike was okay. I said "no" and he examined by bike, fixed the issue and then made fun of me for a solid 5 minutes in the rudest possible way and called me an idiot for letting what happened happen.

In my experience, people in the north are more likely to help strangers but they will mutter under their breath about it the whole time and people in the south will very politely decline to help but they will pray for you

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coysbville@reddit

That's crazy because back home in Mississippi I've had literal strangers pull my truck out of the mud when it was stuck.

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jonny300017@reddit

This is very true! There’s a difference between ‘nice’ and ‘kind.’

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HudsonYardsIsGood@reddit

Let's be clear. Nice and kind are not mutually exclusive. A good person, anywhere in the country, ought to be both.

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SpacemanSpears@reddit

I hear this tire argument all the time and it's just not true. I've had car issues all over this great country and there's always been somebody to stop and help. The biggest determinant is population density and driving speed, i.e. there's more passersby in denser Northern cities that are able to stop easily so that good Samaritan arrives quicker for you. It's got way more to deal with urban planning than culture.

Americans as a whole are friendly and supportive to one another, despite what you may see in the news. This is true in every community I've been in. But yeah, the more Americans you have near you, the likelier you are to be near a helpful American.

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South_Web4277@reddit

It’s only ever from people who aren’t southerners too. They move down south and assume we’re either country as hell and too dumb to understand them or rude and only care about God. It’s like the whole ‘bless your heart’ thing that northerners like to tout is thinly veiled shade. The irony is that they’re the ones with no manners.

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dontlookback76@reddit

I'm not really out and about in the community because I'm disabled. Letely, though, I've had a lot of random acts of kindness towards my family lately. Total strangers helping a family in need. No discussion of religion or politics, just kindness when they found out about us going homeless. On the flip side last summer, after loading all the groceries like frozen and refrigerated food into a 150f/65c car, we found the battery was dead. We carry jumper cables. I had two people refuse to help to take less than 5 minutes for a jump. It was the middle of a Las Vegas summer. The flip side to yet again, was how the community pulled together October 1, 2017. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017_Las_Vegas_shooting

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ScreamingLightspeed@reddit

In my town, there's no in-between when it comes to sociality. There are super-loud hypersocial party people and there are people who avoid in-person interactions with all but their closest friends whenever they can get away with it. It also seems to be along age/generation lines. The extraverts (and drunks, meth addicts, and hoarders) tend to be Boomers and older Gen-Xers while the introverts tend to be Zoomers through younger Gen-Xers, almost like it's a backlash against their elders' behavior.

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No_Dependent_8346@reddit

I'm a Yooper (Upper Peninsula of Michigan) and we are a DIFFERANT breed. Example? Last week we had a 24-inch snowfall in 24 hours. I've lived in my new house about two months and being winter, not had much opportunity to get acquainted with my neighbors. Anywho, I was going for a speedrun on "Snowfighter Unlimited" in my driveway and as usual the snowplow left a nice COMPACTED 4-foot tall "present" at the end of my driveway, which I'm chopping through with my snowblower like Admiral Perry on his way to the pole. The next-door neighbor (who I've spoken 5 words too since we moved in and owns a big plow truck) sees me struggling as he's starting to clear his drive and without a word or acknowledgement just dropped his plow and cleared the pile at the end of my drive. I took over a plate of cookies and pasties that evening and he seemed a little shocked, I thanked him for the help, and he reminded me that when we moved in, we moved our 27 ft U-Haul without being asked when we saw he was trying to back his trailer into our side-by-side driveway. People here might actually flee if you try to strike up a conversation but will craw 15 feet through ass-deep snow in a white-out blizzard to pull you out of the ditch with their trucks. There is a group of people up here that do that whenever there is a big storm, for FREE and will usually have big enough rigs and thermoses of hot drinks to warm up and transport a family if necessary. That my friends is what we call sisu, a sense of community without being in each other's business and a feeling that although you might not know you neighbors, there might be a time when they or YOU might have to rely on each other to get through whatever calamity arises. I'll take a standoffish neighbor who rolls up their sleeves over a Johnny Social neighborhood greeter who calls the code enforcement for leaving my trash cans for 20 minutes too long.

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-dag-@reddit

I'm Minnesotan. We hate talking to people. But if you're visiting our home, good luck getting through the goodbye process.

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Vixter4@reddit

Typically, the more urban you go, the more sociable people get. People in small towns typically keep to themselves or a small circle of people, but it really does vary greatly.

In the South East/Deep South, people tend to be a lot friendlier, albeit conservative. Up in the Northeast/New England, it is more direct and to the point.

These are just generalizations though, even within states or specific cities the social situation can vary dramatically.

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Guinnessron@reddit

That first paragraph is SO wildly different than my experiences. Big city? Nobody wants anything to do with anyone. Small town? Everyone knows everyone.

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rayybloodypurchase@reddit

Same here. I’m from a small town and live in a big city now and I could go a day without talking to anyone in my current city but in my hometown you can’t even pump gas without a conversation.

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RomeTotalWhore@reddit

There’s a huge gulf between small town and big city. Most people who do not live in “big cities” also do not live in “small towns”, they live in small cities or medium sized cities. In my (very limited) experience, places lose the “small town” vibe around the time they reach 20,000-30,000 people. I’ve lived in towns ranging from 20,000 to 100,000 people most of my life, and people aren’t particularly conversational or friendly imo, this is especially true of suburbs and commuter towns. In big urban cities I find it much more likely to get into a conversation, some city people have a lot of confidence in approaching strangers. I would say this applies to denser cities moreso.

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larch303@reddit

If you go to a hometown you’re not from you can easily

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InterPunct@reddit

There's a difference between being sociable and simply knowing everyone in your town. I'm in NYC, have traveled extensively, and sincerely believe New Yorkers are among the most genuinely nice and helpful people. There's certainly a brusque exterior but that can be broken in an instant when necessary.

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