Moving back to France with American husband

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JoeyMontezz@reddit

I feel like this post is asking the wrong people. What does your husband think? Where are you now in the US? What is your daily life like? What are you earning? What will he be leaving behind? Where you are now matters a lot. What you both like to do matters a lot. I moved here for my wife, and we now both agree it's better to return to the US, even now. There is a lot of information you're not including in your post that could be very relevant and add to our view. What is his social life like? How deep are the roots of where you are? How are his parents doing and yours? What will the costs of your favorite activities look like over there? What kind of space do you have now, compared to will have there? All very important questions, give more context. You need to think about your husband's perspective and the move for him holistically, and share that information before asking anyone else's advice. As it stands youre just fishing for encouragement which is not worth much without a lot more information.

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mahonskey@reddit

Sounds like you're projecting my dude

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JoeyMontezz@reddit

Feel free to elaborate!

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TurbulentCod5186@reddit

Hi, we have used EasyStart for our move (family of 4), they are great for all visa related stuff and housing

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SeanBourne@reddit

If you’re willing to live in the Dordogne region, there are areas that have so many expats that they are pretty English speaking. Nice (though this is over a decade ago) is also pretty anglophonic. You may not even have to leave France for ‘anglo friendly EU country’.

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nadmaximus@reddit

I'm an American spouse who moved to France with my EU wife. I would hate living in Paris, but we're happy out in rural France.

I work for a French company. My French is horrible. But, I'm high-level IT and willing to locate out in rural France - the job I have now was vacant for two years before they hired me. So, work eligibility + IT job + difficulty hiring means they don't care.

I'm never going to be put in a position of managing other people again, with my language skills - but that's exactly what I want at this stage of my career. I really don't think your husband will be able to work managing grocery stores or doing labor advocacy here without excellent French language skills.

But that doesn't mean he can't find work at all. Clearly he's willing to work outside of his 'field' of psychology. Start working on that French.

For what it's worth, at least in France once you yourself move back and reside here again, he can start the process for his residence card and simply create an auto-entrepreneur 'job' for himself (even if its just doing yard work, walking dogs, keeping an eye on gites, etc). Then he can get his carte vitale and has a few years of 'job' whether he actually makes any money or not.

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Educational_Sun1548@reddit

Could you share how you could find an IT job and don’t have to be in the big city and have high language skills, please? That would be the dream!

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nadmaximus@reddit

So there's me: an experienced systems admin, network security professional, developer, manager, and infrastructure manager. I was willing to use any of my experience in any capacity, and no longer looking for career 'advancement'. I just needed a job, preferably one where I used these skills.

Well, I applied for jobs online and got nowhere. They really aren't expecting foreign people to come with the eligibility to work already handled, so if they aren't ready to deal with visa stuff they just don't post the job on international/english sites....that's my assessment, at any rate.

I ended up at a party with a bunch of British folk and was talking about programming with someone there, and he said, basically "do you want a job?" and the next day I had an interview at the local company he worked at, and they hired me immediately. So, in other words...good old-fashioned networking, the kind where you meet a lot of people and hang out with humans and talk to them.

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MauveAlong@reddit

Honestly, life coaching online to Americans may be a viable option. It's unregulated, he has a degree in Psychology so he has some interest in how people think. As long as he doesn't venture into therapy territory it's an option. He could coach other organizers who have been burnt out by organizing or are struggling with managing difficult personalities in the labor force. I will say if he's paying for coaching on how to be a coach he's trapped in the coaching pyramid scheme. He can get some free library books and figure it out from there. There are plenty of online coaching platforms like Kajabi that would make this as easy and cheap as possible. He has to file US taxes anyway, so adding a us business from Delaware or Wyoming or another state without state business tax filings BEFORE he leaves the USA is ideal. If he starts after he leaves he'll have to start a French business. This isn't a long shot but he has to be really interested in being a successful entrepreneur and marketing himself in a sea of online coaches. It's not perfect, but it's an idea.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

I truly thought about it, doing some consulting or coaching, he is an amazing community organizer and has successfully unionized several businesses! Thank you for the advice!

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mmoonbelly@reddit

I’m British with C1 French, 20+ years oil industry consulting to midstream across 20 countries, degree from a German university, and live in a part of France where the major industry is distilling spirits (simpler version of Hydrocarbon refining).

HR from Local MNCs (LVMH,, Pernod Ricard, Bacardi) either discount me because 25 years ago I studied at a German university not a French grande ecole, or tell me I should look for work in Paris at an American multinational.

Absolutely ridiculous.

So I’m currently resident in France and contracting internationally. (FFS if I wanted to work in Paris, I would live in Paris like I did in my 20s).

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MarsGlez@reddit

Similar experience here. Doesn’t matter how good your French is, form professionals you are at disadvantage when not having a “grand ecole” diploma. I arrived as a transfer from my job and when looking for a change I spent 2 yrs on rejections. Took me 6 months to relocate to Ireland.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

How did your relocation to Ireland go? I was thinking of landing in France until my husband gets his EU paperwork and then perhaps move to Ireland.

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MarsGlez@reddit

So far it has been great. And everyone complains about weather but honestly is not that different from Parisian metro area, just less extreme.

If you have another EU country as an end point, might be easier to just get there directly. In the case of Ireland for example, you can arrive and get a visa for spouse and it right away counts for citizenship. Then 5 years and getting the Irish passport is easier than getting the French one in terms of bureaucracy.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

Oh I didn't think of that! After 7 years in AZ I'm ready for some rain, in Ireland or Paris haha

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mmoonbelly@reddit

Yep. I’ve given up. I keep getting the same response “I accept you have a masters in industrial relations, 25 years experience with heavy industry, but how do you think you will be able to speak with French workers?” - literally they’re the same parents as my kids friends.

Tempted to join the CGT and start organising properly.

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WestAfricanWanderer@reddit

Could he become an English teaching assistant in France whilst he finds a path to long term employment?

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

I think so, we are all in education in my family and my dad has had assistants and paras who never ever spoke French.

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WestAfricanWanderer@reddit

I would use your contacts to get him doing that at least initially

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Key-Boat-7519@reddit

English teaching assistant work offered modest hope; I tried LinkedIn and Glassdoor, but JobMate streamlined husband’s job applications.

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MarsGlez@reddit

Moving and then “figure it out” sounds like a bad move. Figure it out first and move second.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

We would be housed, I would find a job right away, and my husband cannot find a job here in the US, at one point we need to survive. We have no relative in the USA to help us.

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MarsGlez@reddit

This is new info. You never said your hubby was unemployed. If that’s the case and you are sure with current cost of living in France you both can go by with your expected salary might be worth. But you have more chances to get a job in US than him in France.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

We would be housed for free in France. That's the point. The cost of living here is killing us, the rents are insane, the cars cost so much money. It's just getting to an unsustainable point.

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MarsGlez@reddit

Not speaking about being housed. I just reinforced the fact that your spouse will have a hard time getting a job in France. You might end in the same spot not being able to afford rent if partner is still unemployed, no matter the country.

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Key-Boat-7519@reddit

I've been through a similar struggle. It sucks trying to land a job when you don't speak the local tongue, and opportunities are scarce. I used local recruiters and LinkedIn alerts, but eventually switched to JobMate because it really automated applications for jobs that perfectly matched his skills, even with limited French, actually.

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anjaliv@reddit

He can learn French full time and find part time work while you live there.

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Kritika1717@reddit

Why doesn’t he try working as a social worker or something similar? He’s got the degree so he should use it. I know this may sound crazy, but I know many social workers who work inside the prison system and make about $100,000 a year. If you guys think outside the box, he could find a job that can more than support you guys.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

You need licensing and we can't afford all of that unfortunately.... We are trying on that avenue but it's hard and saturated.

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Tardislass@reddit

My question is what is your husband's job now? IF he has a good stable job here moving to France may be a detriment to him.

I'd also think about living expenses. France is not cheap and last few governments have cut benefits and raised ages for pensions. I'm going to be honest that your husband is going to be lonely in France if he doesn't know much French. You have your family and job and can speak the language. It can be quite an adjustment and honestly, living with in-laws is pretty stressful especially if he wouldn't have a job and you would be gone all day.

Basically,I'd ask your husband as it sounds like he is the one giving everything up for you to go back to France. If he's excited and on board it's one thing.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

He cannot find a good job in the USA... He blacklisted himself by doing advocacy and politics.

I gave up everything to live with him in Arizona, it's a two way street, Arizona didn't end up working so well. I have job security (for now) but he doesn't.

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oneKev@reddit

Ah, yes. I see and understand your reasoning.

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mandance17@reddit

Can he not just be a stay at home husband? Seems like the dream in Paris

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

That would be his dream hahaha, he is the perfect home maker, I would have to make enough. But it would most certainly start like it.

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Rustykilo@reddit

You husband really have no skills. But look like he used to work at supermarket? He could’ve just work at supermarket in France no? Those are low to no skills job should be easy to get even with bare minimum French. Maybe improve the French a bit more. Sounds like y’all struggling with live in the us due to your husband jobless. At least moving to France y’all can live free in your parents house. I don’t see the downside of moving.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

I see it that way too, in the Paris area there are tons of people who only speak Turkish or Arabic and can totally work, my dad is a school principal and he sees families, who are legally here and working, no speaking a word of French, I know it is possible. He doesn't need a fancy job, a minimum wage job is liveable in France (no paris itself but I have no interest in living in the city). And I have a pretty strong resume as an educator.

The lack of skills is really what's killing us, and in America it's not like you can pick up a training and get certified in something without crippling debt, at least in France after a while he would be able to at little to no cost.

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Rustykilo@reddit

Yeah plus free accommodation. It’s a blessing. Use it to get everything in order. I would rather go back to my parents crib rather struggle for nothing lol. Plus y’all going to France. It’s not like some war thorn country. Good luck!

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Unlikely-Town-9198@reddit

He can easily find a job cooking in a restaurant.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

I like to hear that! We ae fine with a minimum wage job, we don't need much as long as we have the security of France and my family.

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Unlikely-Town-9198@reddit

Usually cooking in restaurants in France you will make above minimum wage, in my experience. I don’t have any data on it, but that’s what I’ve seen from everybody ik

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dellaterra9@reddit

Get the heck out if you can! If he's motivated, possible to learn passable French for day to day.

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Not_what_theyseem@reddit (OP)

Things are really getting bad here in the US huh? I am truly afraid for my child's future.

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napalmtree13@reddit

Can he go back to school while in France? That may be an option for him to make use of his degree, if he gets whatever he’d need to actually work as a psychologist or therapist. I’m assuming doctorate, but maybe it’s possible to do some types of therapy in France with only a masters?

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djazzie@reddit

If he has a BA in psychology, could he get certified as counselor and do online counseling? All he would need is the right to work in france, and get an auto entrepreneur license, but he wouldn’t need to work for a French company. That might be a good way around him having to learn French in order to work, at least for a few years while his French gets up to speed.

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AcanthaceaeOptimal87@reddit

Go to Paris, settle in and see what can be accomplished. In a year, reevaluate to stay in Paris or go to another part of France or EU. Whatever timelines work for you, just pick reasonable deadlines for yourselves to reevaluate and make decisions. Good luck

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omventure@reddit

I would totally go to Paris, take language lessons where it's spoken (so much easier to learn) and even go back to school if need be. Rooting for you!