How to respond to people Sir you all the time?

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Numerous-Rock-9735@reddit

With regard to "Sir" and "Ma'am": This practice is very common in the American South, and in this case, Texas can be considered as the western-most southern state. Children are taught to use Sir and Ma'am very early on, and the habit is usually carried into adulthood. You will also find people using this manner of speech in the Midwestern states, but to a lesser degree.

Women don’t usually like it. It makes them (us) feel old not respected.

I understand it’s need though to grab someone’s attention or point out specifically who you are speaking to. But a “yea ma’am” to a northern woman (unless it’s by a southerner) is just calling her old. 😂

Yep! It's akin to us saying, "Bless your heart!" They are jacks of all trades!

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AllCrankNoSpark@reddit

Yes, it’s used to scold children, NOT to show that you respect them as equals.

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InevitableRhubarb232@reddit

You can scold and respect at the same time.

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AllCrankNoSpark@reddit

You can, but I specifically said you are not showing you respect them as an equal while you “no ma’am” a toddler or pet.

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InevitableRhubarb232@reddit

True. Its meaning changes with context.

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Major-Winter-@reddit

Meanwhile, here in the South we’re going, “No ma’am!” at one year olds who are misbehaving.

Or at recalcitrant dogs determined to impose their will on couch cushions!

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InevitableRhubarb232@reddit

I’m never offended if it’s a southerner (but i lived there so maybe I understand it more) and I don’t mind if someone uses it to get my attention. I don’t like it if it’s just thrown in there all the time. Like- If it’s already clear that the waiter is talking to me, there’s no need to throw in a ma’am. But if they need to distinguish that it’s me then that’s better than “hey, you in the red!”

Or if an employee comes up in Best Buy I would prefer “can I help you find something?” Instead of “can I help you find something, ma’am.” It’s unnecessary there.

But “ma’am! You dropped your keys!” Is fine because it gets the attn of someone you don’t know.

You can scream about it all day long but facts are facts and you got yours wrong.

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AllCrankNoSpark@reddit

I don’t know how to explain to you that you are incorrect. That’s why I encourage you to do some research beyond your own interpretation of your own experiences. To be on the safe side, do not ma’am anyone unless you have actual reason to believe they will like it OR you don’t care if they like it or not. It’s very easy to avoid.

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amltecrec@reddit

Everyone pretty much expects it in the South. It is completely asinine for anyone to get upset about being called, sir or ma'am right out of the gate. Unless, they have specifically and politely stated it's unnecessary to call them that, yet the person chooses to continue.

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AllCrankNoSpark@reddit

Sir is drastically different from ma’am.

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amltecrec@reddit

Yes, one is directed at a male, the other, towards a female. It is odd that was your take-away from my statement though.

You should try youmg man on the obviously younger fellows. Also young lady on middle-aged women. Well, I am older than they are!

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RachelRTR@reddit

Young lady feels demeaning to me. Ma'am does not

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SouthernYankee80@reddit

It's so ingrained into Southern culture, I hear people say "NO MA'AM!" to their dogs when they're mad.

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WingedLady@reddit

I think you might be misreading the level of respect. To Brits calling people "sir" and "ma'am" is super formal but in the US south it's just a way to address someone you don't know well. It's polite but nothing more.

But it's not common in all of the US so if you don't return it no one would read into it.

Basically reiterating what everyone else said, don't read into it too much.

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JackYoMeme@reddit

Brits will say "excuse me sir"

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ColossusOfChoads@reddit

On this sub, a Southerner once asked a British poster if they too used "sir" and "ma'am" over there. The British guy said "no, of course not. I'm not a butler!"

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"Sir" and "ma'am" in most contexts in the US are just markers of general polite intentions when speaking to someone whose name you don't know (or in a context where using their name again would be awkward because of close repetition). I said "Excuse me, sir" to someone in the grocery store yesterday because I needed to get past his cart in the aisle. I would also use it if I needed to get a retail worker's attention for something. It's equivalent to using "please" and "thank you" during minor exchanges in terms of just being a way of indicating to someone that you are addressing them politely, not aggressively, demandingly, or dismissively.

I’m a transplant to the south and that first inquisitive Ya’ll sure comes out awkwardly.

Or OP may end up using "sir" in a way that just sounds off.

There's a difference between "have a great day, sir! :)" and "have a great day, S̵͖͊ ̶̗͆I̵̘͌ ̵̥̐R̸͕͊ ̸͒͜" that's hard to explain but immediately obvious, if that makes sense?

Use it if you want, OP... but if it feels weird and unnatural to you, then it'll sound weird and unnatural to others. You definitely don't have to!

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UnfairHoneydew6690@reddit

Yeah that feels more disrespectful than not saying “sir” back if I’m being honest. I’m not sure OP would come across well if he starts “playing along”

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OkRepublic1586@reddit

Or as a way to add emphasis. In either a joke way or for reals depending on the context

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CreepyClothDoll@reddit

Don't capitulate to the texans. Do what you want

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OlderAndCynical@reddit

I grew up in Michigan and didn't really hear it until we moved to Virginia. I got used to being "ma'amed" there, although it felt a bit strange. Then my husband joined the Army, and as a commissioned officer, dentist, he was called sir by all the soldiers. A lot of the soldiers were Southern, and it came naturally to them.

JackYoMeme@reddit

Just be yourself. Don't let it get to you. It's how they respectfully talk to a stranger or an elder. It also would imply a level of being closed off towards you and they don't want to hear your small talk or invite you over for a BBQ. I use "excuse me sir" all the time. If I say "yes sir" it's because you barked an order at me and it's kind of reasonable. If it's not reasonable I won't hesitate to throw in a "bub" or even "you sound hungry".

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santar0s80@reddit

One thing I’ve noticed is that they often add "sir" to sentences for no apparent reason.

It's a sign of respect

Should I play along

Yes, you should be respectful but you can do that without forcing a word that you typically don't use.

Ask before you assume.

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PPKA2757@reddit

They’re saying “Sir” because it’s polite/respectful. Don’t over think it (especially in the context of how the British use it as a formal title).

It would be akin to whatever the polite/respectful greeting is in your first language to a colleague or stranger you don’t know. Closest thing I can equate it to is communicating with a Japanese colleague you don’t know very well/at all and addressing them as “insert name”-san, as it’s considered respectful in their culture, even if the person doesn’t care - better to be safe than sorry to let them know you’re treating them politely.

It’s not expected in return, if you want to go along with it - go for it. If you really want to joke back you can say something like “Thanks, no need to call me sir - I work for a living”. They’ll get a kick out of it, especially if they’re former military

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jonuk76@reddit

As a Brit I quite like it. I think most of us do get that it's used as a general respectful form of address, as distinct from the bestowed title (i.e. people with a knighthood). It is still a common way of addressing people you don't know in certain settings, and authority figures, but becoming less common. It might get used for example in customer service (although the other month I was called "bruv" by some salesman at an ISP, which didn't give the best impression).

I have trouble pronouncing the Southern US Ma'am though (Brit pronunciation is like "Marrm"), and it's not in common use except in very formal settings, the emergency services and military. Madam might get used sometimes over here too in a similar way to sir.

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battleofflowers@reddit

When I was growing up in Texas in the 80s and 90s, you had to say ma'am to your own mother.

It's a hard habit to break.

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devilbunny@reddit

The woman who literally nourished you for your first nine months of existence may have a lot of faults, but she is deserving of at least impersonal respect. I haven’t spoken to mine in twenty years, but I would never just call her by her first name.

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Clever_plover@reddit

but she is deserving of at least impersonal respect

How do you know this is true?

I haven’t spoken to mine in twenty years, but I would never just call her by her first name.

Congratulations? Are you now going to hold yourself to the standards I hold myself to in my personal life? Since it appears you expect this other user to be just like you, I assume you are willing to be just like me now, based on me leaving this comment? Or no, does that sound as ridiculous to you as it does to me, that because you act a certain way towards a specific person, others must also act exactly that way?

Without knowing anything about somebody else's family situation, it's incredibly fucked up and rude to insert your own habits into their situation. You don't know if abuse has happened, if people have mental health issue, if people are just shitty people, or what. You assuming other families work exactly like yours does is not a good way to treat other people. You telling other people which members of their family deserve respect, especially since you do not know this family more than a 2 sentence comment on reddit, is just wrong. You are not the arbiter of somebody else's family life, and while it's good that you seem to not be able to imagine and understand how fucked up some people and some families can be, the fact that you are telling others how to act in their own personal circumstances based on how your family treated you is not a good look on you.

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battleofflowers@reddit

I never call my mom by her first name.

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devilbunny@reddit

So why act like it’s odd to call your mother ma’am? Of anyone on earth, she is most deserving of that, at least from you or her other children. I don’t like my mother, but I would still call her ma’am.

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Necessary-Love7802@reddit

Genuine question, not snark:

Cerulean_IsFancyBlue@reddit

Using respect negatively has two basic flavors, both of which can be seen as “overly”, in that you are giving more (surface) respect than is warranted or desired.

You can use an excessive show of respect to sarcastically imply the opposite. Denzel does this so so well in many roles.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, ma'am/sir"

Daring to say yeah or yup would lead to trouble. That's something that you could only say to your friends. It was considered to be "smart aleck" and very disrespectful, not the right type of tone to give to someone of authority (parents, elders, teachers, etc.)

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battleofflowers@reddit

My mom: "what did you say?"

Me: "yes ma'am"

Mom: "that's what I thought."

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taoist_bear@reddit

It’s cultural. Get used to it. If you moved to Oz would you suddenly start calling everyone mate?

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Cerulean_IsFancyBlue@reddit

Only Elpheba

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MVHood@reddit

It's a regional thing so you don't need to adopt it. Southerners are (were?) taught to say "sir" and "ma'am" to everyone. When I travel from California to anywhere in the South I get used to it. It's no reflection on you personally.

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Cerulean_IsFancyBlue@reddit

It’s also a military thing.

To some degree, you also get a bit of it in retail interactions, as part of the customer service level of politeness, but that often depends on the establishment.

Be true to yourself and speak the way you are comfortable.

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Derfburger@reddit

In the Southern US this is pretty common and expected of children when speaking to adults and used adult to adult quite a bit as well. In the North some take it as in insult calling them sir or ma'am and for some reason connect with the speaker basically calling them old. It's also pretty common for former military as we were taught to call any civilian adult sir or ma'am, and old habits are hard to break.

If you don't already use it as part of your speech, that's fine. There is no reason to start if you don't intend to use it in a meaningful way and it may be interpreted as disrespectful if it sounds insincere.

“Sir” isn’t required. It’s a way of adding politeness (or impoliteness if used sarcastically) to something you say. Off-handedly when used around strangers, it is an alternative to saying “man.” It doesn’t hold the same weight it does in other cultures.

Example: Someone holds a door open for you. You walk by and nod to them and say:

“Thank you, sir.” - appreciative, polite. “Thanks!” - also appreciate and polite.

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Psychological-Can594@reddit

the yankees always get mad, specifically the women, if i call them ma’am. it’s all about the dialect and area you’re in. an older gentleman you want to get on the good side of or a cop? sir.

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PainterEarly86@reddit

It's not a big deal. Americans will not notice either way.

Saying sir is a way of being respectful and can make people like you more.

I'm from MA, and I don't think I've ever said sir in my life.

When people call me ma'am I have a visceral reaction. Like a cringe. I tell my family 'I got ma'amed today' and they laugh. Cause it's considered an insult here. Like your calling someone old.

When I go south, I know to expect to hear it more, but I don't start doing it, cause it's not part of my vocabulary.

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Chance-Business@reddit

Speak how you speak, don't change.

Also, don't judge people for their regional and cultural language usage. This is a large and varied country with people who have all sorts of different language use. If texans say sir a lot, then that's what they do over there. Don't go thinking it's odd or too much or whatever, that's real judgy of you.

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atticus-fetch@reddit

They are being respectful. Some parts of the USA are a bit more respectful in the way they speak than others. I'll use 'sir' now and then depending on the circumstances and if the person is not much younger than me.

Since English is your second language it may be difficult for you to incorporate into your daily speaking. Nobody will be offended if you don't use it. Generally, just be nice and you'll be OK.

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Plum_pipe_ballroom@reddit

It's easy to accidentally be disrespectful/sarcastic if you sprinkle in "sir" randomly so I would suggest staying with your original "non-sir" version

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shammy_dammy@reddit

You accept it and no, you don't 'play along' because that's fake and rude.

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yellowdaisybutter@reddit

Texan here.

Ma'am and sir don't need to be reciprocated. I do not think I even consciously pay attention to if people say it back.

I use sir and ma'am every day without even thinking about it. I sometimes get strange looks from young servers in restaurants when they bring me something and I say, "Thank you, sir." It's a formal, respectful language model. I don't think it's very different than using usted in Spanish vs tu.

My brother-in-law, though, was raised in Louisiana and also addressed adults as sir and ma'am. He moved to California when he was in junior high and his first day in school, at role call, he did what he was taught to do: he stood up next to his desk and said, "Present, sir."

He was sent to the principal's office for being sassy.

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bmadisonthrowaway@reddit

I grew up in the US South but for various reasons was not raised with the "sir/ma'am" habit that a lot of other Southerners have. I later moved away and have spent most of my life in places where that is not the norm. It is very much not in my nature to do the "sir" thing, despite totally understanding it.

In your position, you should speak as you normally would. Most Southerners know it's a regional thing and don't expect others to take it on.

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skipperoniandcheese@reddit

eh, there's nothing to it. my father calls everyone "sir," even his good friends. he usually doesn't get it in return.

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Specialist_Equal_803@reddit

Texan here. It's considered polite and respectful to refer to people as sir or ma'am when speaking. Doesn't happen as often by email. You don't necessarily have to say it back to them. If they say "yes sir", just respond with "thank you"

GSilky@reddit

Well, then you are dissing the third of the world population that uses "Saib/friend" as a salutation/honorific.

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Curmudgy@reddit

Not at all, and that's a profoundly unfair statement. I'm merely pointing out that a third of the world isn't the entire world and hence your can't assume that their interpretation is the only correct one. Sorry if that wasn't clear in my previous post.

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andr_wr@reddit

Mountain_Air1544@reddit

Ma'am and sir are considered basic manners in a large portion of the u.s all of the south and most of the Midwest, especially. You respond as you normally would if they day "thank you sir" you say "you're welcome" etc.

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Distinct-Nature4233@reddit

It’s a manners thing in the south, but no one would expect you to do it. Just how we were raised.

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watermark3133@reddit

I’m from California and nobody really “sirs” or “ma’ams”people around here. it’s to the point that it sounds kind of weird if people address me that way.

khyamsartist@reddit

That’s Texas, it’s the whole South. If they aren’t calling you Sir, it’s Hun.

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AuburnSpeedster@reddit

If I want to crack a joke about being called "Sir", I respond with "Don't call me Sir, I work for a living"

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CheezitCheeve@reddit

Sir is very common in Texas, the South, and generally more Conservative populations. Raised in Kansas, and I was taught to always say sir or ma’am. Now it’s just habit, and I even do it to my friends when listening to them when they’re authority figures.

Texan here. Some of us were literally beaten at school if we didn't address adults as "sir" and "ma'am." It becomes a habit that is hard to break. Now that I'm old, I try to substitute "miss" for "ma'am" when I remember because I once hurt someone's feelings by responding "no ma'am'."

They’re being respectful. It’s a Southern thing. They will appreciate it if you call them sir/ma’am in response.

Just a manners thing.

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BillWeld@reddit

Just understand that Texans have no thought of aristocracy and sir and mam everyone, particularly those lower down the social ladder. Is shows that they were raised right.

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Literally

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xeroxchick@reddit

Add some “sirs”. Wait for the magic.

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LetJesusFuckU@reddit

Saying sir and ma'am was literally smacked into me, I can't stop.

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Whole_Ad_4523@reddit

I don’t think both sides of an interaction can be a “sir,” so you may be their real or imagined social superior. I hear this from some overly deferential students but it would be weird to respond in kind

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Adam52398@reddit

It's old school respect, not a comment on age.

I grew up getting in trouble for not using sirs and ma'ams.

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You don't need to say it back if it doesn't come naturally

My mom is from the Midwest and I grew up saying Sir, Ma'am, Mr. Mrs. and Miss.

I would just stick with normal English usage unless you plan to settle in Texas permanently. Outside of the south, we all find it odd and overly respectful.

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G00dSh0tJans0n@reddit

Sir is used as a sign of respect when addressing a man, especially if this person is older than you or has some kind of position of power (if I get pulled over, the 22 year old deputy kid is addressed as sir).

I also find I almost always response with a "yes sir" than just yes. The guy checking out my groceries at the supermarket asks if I found everything okay it's "Yes sir" and "thank you sir"

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DOMSdeluise@reddit

it's just how some people in the south talk, you don't need to sir them back or really read anything into it at all.

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notmercedesbenz@reddit

As a Texan, it is about respect but it’s mostly just habit haha. I would never be offended or even think anything of it if someone didn’t say “ma’am” to me. You can be kind and respectful via your tone and body language without adopting “sir/ma’am” into your vocabulary for sure.

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onwardtowaffles@reddit

I actually really like gender-neutral "sir" in sci-fi shows. Never met anyone who genuinely likes being called "ma'am."

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rawbface@reddit

It's just an honorific for a man you don't know. It's considered a respectful way to refer to them.

If you're not working retail or interacting with a ton of strangers, then yeah you're not going to say "sir" all that often.

I might sprinkle in a "yessir" when I'm talking to my friends, but I don't go out of my way to call someone "sir".

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dystopiadattopia@reddit

That's more of a Southern thing. I only use sir if I'm trying to get the attention of someone I don't know, or if I'm talking with a police officer who pulled me over.

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Wolfman1961@reddit

I don't believe most modern, young people in Texas would mind it if you didn't call them "sir" or "ma'am" constantly.

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pfcgos@reddit

A lot of people in the US, especially those who grew up in southern or rural areas, tend to use "sir" and "ma'am" out of habit when addressing people. It's common for people in those areas to raise their kids to use it with all adults as a sign of respect, and it becomes so ingrained that they continue doing it into adulthood and start using it with everyone. For these people, it is a way of respectfully acknowledging the person they're talking to and doesn't necessarily indicate that they view them as an authority figure.

I wouldn't add "sir" into your speech just to fit in. Generally, folks won't assume any disrespect from you not using it. In fact, I would be that most people don't even notice that you don't use it. Just like a lot of us don't even think about the fact that we do.

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BoopleSnoot921@reddit

If it doesn’t come naturally to you, then I wouldn’t start. Many of us were raised to say it - it’s just a sign of respect in the states.

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notthegoatseguy@reddit

I am not southern, born and raised Midwest Indiana. And I don't think I was taught this specifically, but I still use it often. Especially if I'm like...calling my bank or checking out at the register of a grocery, or just any time I don't know someone's name.

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WritPositWrit@reddit

They’re just being southerners. Feel feee to find them charmingly quirky and keep speaking the way you steak.

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Past_Can_7610@reddit

Texan here.

Just roll with it.

Don't say it if it doesn't come natural to you, and don't expect them to adjust how they speak to you. Calling people "sir" and "ma'am" is not a thing in New England, and feels overly formal for every day situations, but it was something I had to get used to when I worked in Atlanta.

There was one time I had an exhange that went something like this:

"Yes sir."

"You don't have to call me sir, we're not in the army."

lsp2005@reddit

They don’t think you are landed gentry when calling you sir if that is your take. It is a form of greeting, and manners, nothing more. Now if they start saying now hey there Mister, you are angering them. That would not be a sign of formality or respect. People in the northeast do not use it, but its lack of use is not disrespect.

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