I’m tired of feeling this way…

[-]

GetTheSweetSpot@reddit

Quit doing things. I'm also betting they didn't do much for you either. Men always get the short end of the stick on holidays. It's not right, but welcome to the entitlement of women..in case you forgot.

[-]

BlackEyedBob@reddit

Another bogus holiday concocted to make someone money. While costing the public untold money, relationships and disappointment.

[-]

RoookSkywokkah@reddit

I get it. Spent $90 on high end chocolates, $90 on flowers, $160 on a killer dinner, $60 at the club drinking and dancing. GF still tells me she doesn't trust me while she's drunk, thinks I'm looking at other women, makes fun of my dancing, telling me I don't deserve her. Then we get home and can't get things going in bed then I get yelled at, berated, belittled and just made to feel worthless.

I put so much thought into the things I get and do for her only to feel "less than."

Still trying to figure out why I stay...

[-]

SportsRMyVice@reddit

I feel bad for you OP. You did some very nice things for both of them. It seems like they are taking your niceness for granted. They are lucky to have you.

[-]

Hey Reddit stranger..My ex husband said I didn’t wash the car correctly. Or mow the lawn to his liking. Or load the dishwasher right. I screwed up laundry.

You would think a “thank you hon for doing *task*” would suffice but it always ended up with me crying.

Walking on eggshells is not a life.

[-]

Monkeynutz_Johnson@reddit

He'll, I'm a guy and I felt like that for a long time. Once she had a meltdown because I wasn't wringing out the sponge well enough after doing dishes. I was the reason the sponge smelled like mildew. All this while she left it wet in the sink. Taking the rack out of the dishwasher to put away forks and spoons was the wrong way to do things too. I eventually just quit doing all of those things. When the game is rigged, why play.

[-]

tamhenk@reddit

I see a lot of similarities to my current relationship in all these comments. My Mrs had a meltdown the other week when I hung out the laundry but one t-shirt had a slightly twisted arm.

She HAD to show me how to do it PROPERLY. I said "of course I just missed it, it really doesn't matter and you don't have to SHOW me."

She said and I quote: "but if I don't show you how will you learn?"

Well my blood BOILED and had my own meltdown, and of course I ended up in the doghouse for losing my temper.

Brother, she told me that loading the dishwasher differently than she did, even though they still got clean, was a "lack of respect". It was her way or the couch.

I hear you, and I'm glad it works for you, but.......

I also won't go into the time I had her flowers delivered and they were dead through no fault of my own and she acted like I was insinuating I wanted to hurt her bc of it.

I got a refund from 1800 flowers but the damage was done.

[-]

Ruenin@reddit

I bought flowers from there like 6 weeks ago. What I ordered and what she got were not the same, never mind that I paid for overnight delivery and they came 2 days later.

[-]

Round_Raspberry_8516@reddit

thebriarwitch@reddit

Not a grinch just an adult who’s got a brain lol. Our daughter & SIL goes nuts and literally breaks their bank for their two girls for Christmas and I keep telling her she’s just teaching them bad habits. By the time she’s done anything anyone else gets them something it’s more than likely a duplicate.

fatalxepshun@reddit

Been married for over 20 years and never once got a valentines gift. I gave up myself about 10 years ago but still get her flowers.

[-]

Cinder_bloc@reddit

Stop doing that. She’ll notice, real quick.

[-]

Apprehensive_Bit4726@reddit

Hopefully you dodged that bullet and walked away.

[-]

yallknowme19@reddit

I'm divorced now so yeah

[-]

Apprehensive_Bit4726@reddit

So get out there live dude! Take care of yourself first and foremost.

As cheesey as this sounds... the rest will fall into your lap.

[-]

LadySiren@reddit

katmc68@reddit

Ha! He is a 100x better in the gift wrapping dept! He's the artsy-fartsy type! Just use brown paper bags & kitchen twine. Slap a pinecone on it. Ta-da!

[-]

Affectionate_Board32@reddit

😂😂 Mark Stewart at its finest.

[-]

katmc68@reddit

🤣🤣🤣 Hahaaaaahhahaa!!! At first I was like who's Mark Stew...OOOOOH!

[-]

Blossom1111@reddit

That would make me so happy. Simple, useful, and spicy.

28 years ago today we buried my dad, who died of a sudden heart attack at the age of 58. I was 24 and it devastated me. He was an amazing Dad and the loss was the worst thing I've ever experienced. This day has never been the same for me. I think nothing of it and never do anything special nor do I expect anything from anybody. It's bittersweet because of my Dad.

I think the best memories of Valentines Day was in elementary school. Taking the time to create an amazing shoebox/mailbox and then writing out all the Valentines cards with candy to pass around to the entire class, everyone got one. Everyone. I hope that tradition still holds.

[-]

Flimsy_Fee8449@reddit

Sending love. ❤️

May you get ALL the Jars of Spicy you want 😁

[-]

katmc68@reddit

Hugs to you.

[-]

Flimsy_Fee8449@reddit

Good to see that it's your ex who behaved like that.

Sorry to see that she was your wife.

Looking back, can you see any indicators of this behavior that you might have missed last time around before she was your wife? So that you can avoid marrying a creature like that again?

[-]

yallknowme19@reddit

Some yes. Being that I'm halfway to 50 and don't date I'm mostly relying on avoidance of everyone being my avoidance lol

[-]

Flimsy_Fee8449@reddit

🤣❤️ so you're 25. I didn't meet the love of my life until I was in my 30s. After a divorce. So there's hope.

In the meantime, would you mind noting some of those flags for the other younger'uns to read, so they can perhaps catch the warning signs before getting too far in?

My ex was - and is - a good guy, just didn't do people well. Which was fine and perfectly manageable as long as he had his group of friends that he grew up with. Once we moved, he didn't have them anymore, and I was working, so he was on his own and just tanked. None of us had any idea how bad off he was until well after we married, had kids, and moved. No recommendations for avoiding that, we couldn't tell.

[-]

yallknowme19@reddit

Oh damn sorry it autocorrected! I'm halfway to 50 in my 40s 😆 I really misworded that and didn't catch what came out

My wife hates Valentine's day. I like to express my adoration of her but it's not her thing. She knows it's mine.

So we check in early - are we doing anything for V day?

Nope?

Nope.

And then it's business as usual.

[-]

Menopausal-forever@reddit

This is important! Checking in so nobody is disappointed.

[-]

InfernalTest@reddit

where?

Any of what?

I'm saying stop lamenting over her. She did you a favor. Be there for your kids when you can be.

Bury thoughts of getting back together "for the kids" because nothing will change and you will be her doormat... again.

[-]

yallknowme19@reddit

No no I would not date her again.

I'm saying I can't even think about dating anyone. It's been 6 years or more now and I haven't been on a date or even tried in over four.

I'm totally there for my kids. But do I just give up on ever finding someone for me? That seems the best course of action

[-]

Apprehensive_Bit4726@reddit

Aaaaah I'm picking up what you're dropping now.

Honestly, do whatever makes you happy. Being alone sucks sometimes, yes.

On the flip side...

Being alone sometimes is really fucking awesome.

I "found" what I was "looking" for when I wasn't even really trying. Or it found me, depends on your outlook I suppose.

[-]

TenuousOgre@reddit

We agreed long ago, we celebrate but no on Valentine’s Day and it's a very small gift. Plus we take urns on planning a special dinner. It's my wife's turn this year.

[-]

Diela1968@reddit

My son was born on Thanksgiving, and I always had to struggle to make sure in-laws and other family didn’t lose his birthday in the holiday celebration.

People who have birthdays near other holidays usually have been shafted their entire lives. Family members always combine the gifts, or completely ignore the birthday.

Celebrate them distinctly separately, and they’ll probably love it.

[-]

yallknowme19@reddit

Oh I know. The issue was that this particular time money was tight and I had literally spent so much on the gift I didn't have any to spare for the card. Plus she was always screaming at me about spending money and analyzing my spending bc her ex cheated. "Oh I saw you spent $8 at Hallmark, who did you buy a card for?" "You" "oh why did you spend that Much on a card that was dumb." No pleasing her

[-]

whydidibuyamedium@reddit

We just discovered chilli crisp! Definitely a great gift. 💝

[-]

yallknowme19@reddit

What is this "chili crisp" of which you speak? 🤔

[-]

whydidibuyamedium@reddit

Ohhh let’s see - it’s a “umami topping” you might put on sushi or ramen or noodles. Here are some examples: our fave

[-]

Dark_Web_Duck@reddit

We have one side of the story. Careful with recommending the nuclear option.

[-]

SubstantialPressure3@reddit

She sent her kid back to him with a complaint that her name wasn't on the card or envelope.

That's so nit picky and a stupid thing to complain about.

And involved the kid as a go between. And used their child to make him feel small. Did not even say it to him face to face, like an adult would.

[-]

Dark_Web_Duck@reddit

Sure, that's what we're told. There is an old saying that I hold near and dear, 'believe half of what you see and none of what you hear'. Going nuclear based on one side is short sighted and myopic.

[-]

SubstantialPressure3@reddit

Maybe.

Ok_Membership_8189@reddit

Well there’s one other reason. To bring relationship challenges to the surface.

[-]

plightfantastic@reddit

I’d like to undo some shit myself, come to think of it.

[-]

TentacularSneeze@reddit

undo pressure

Frosty-Sorbet3698@reddit

Sorry to hear that, I appreciate every little thing my husband does for me. Maybe stop doing things for her and see what happens??

[-]

polarbz@reddit

So, counterpoint, what did she do for you?

[-]

A_StarshipTrooper@reddit

Counseling time

[-]

CuppaJeaux@reddit

In addition to couples counseling, I think the wife needs therapy. My mother was like that, constantly finding fault in every member of the family, and seemingly on a mission to make everyone else as unhappy as she was. It stemmed from her crappy childhood and resulting personality disorder(s).

A bullshit "holiday" cooked up by greeting card companies to sell more cards and apparently to increase the number of suicides.

My SO is my valentine every day.

[-]

FlounderSuitable8088@reddit

My small office co-workers received flowers at work, but I threatened my husband years earlier NOT to waste $$ on them for me - ever! After work that day I went home and asked him if we could go buy a $100 George Foreman grill. I used that thing for dang near 20 years, then sold it to a guy for $15. I smiled every time I used it, in remembrance. We also used to go to a gift card store and read the cards until we found the 'perfect' one, then handed it to the other one. Laughed, put them back and went on our way. Now we just say, "Happy VD" and laugh. Our love is solid.

[-]

ThatMeasurement3411@reddit

All I wanted was to walk around Wegman's with my hubby for Valentine's Day. I just like hanging with him. 30+ years.

But this.... this sounds like my brother's life. I'm truly sorry.

[-]

Markaes4@reddit

Sorry man, that's my life too... I woke up this morning (as I do most mornings) to my wife yelling about what a fat lazy piece of shit I am...

Early this morning I put out their valentines gifts-- for my wife a nice $120 toaster oven, cat calendar, slippers, box of candy, book, art kit etc... And my son got a new scooter, stuffed animal, cryptid calendar, some roblox toys and gift card and lots of candy. They both got nice cards that I put everyone's names on despite being just from me. For context in the last 13 years I have been the only one in the family to buy every single xmas, birthday, valentines, easter gift and card and usually get absolutely nothing myself, maybe a pack of socks...

Anyway the issue was my son didn't do all his homework last night (he told me it was done) which is apparently 100% my fault despite my wife was home all night too. So my son joined her in blaming me with both of them loudly complaining about it being all my fault. After they left I went upstairs (I live/sleep in the basement of my own house, lol) to find neither of them touched or even acknowledged any of their valentines gifts. No surprise there was no card or anything for me.

Tired of this shit too. My wife filed for divorce last month and moves out soon. But I've already met someone new. So at least someone is going to appreciate her valentines gifts.

[-]

AnotherMM@reddit

I'd be gone. Out of that life.

[-]

baseballzombies@reddit

Next time play Don’t Know What You’ve Got (Till It’s Gone)

[-]

Kilted-Brewer@reddit

I had one of my sons print me up a little Shrek toothpaste cap…. You screw it on his belly and then when you squeeze the tube, he poops toothpaste.

Happy Valentine’s Day honey!

She laughed, I laughed, we went on about our day.

She did get me a box of shitty Russel Stover’s chocolates in a heart shaped box. It was a foot across and had all of six little truffles in it.

We both made fun of it, cursed the world, and then promptly bit all the candies in half and shared them. First time in 25 years or so that she’s gotten me anything on Valentine’s Day. One year she totally forgot my birthday until we went to bed that night.

But you know what she never forgets?

To text me as she leaves work to see if I need anything on her way home. To ask me if I want her to cook. To hang my shirts facing the same way if she puts clothes away. To leave a kcup in the keurig with my mug underneath. To always kiss me goodnight.

My fellow Xers… that stuff… that’s the good shit.

[-]

smatthews01@reddit

I don’t know how these women have a good man when they expect perfection. I’m a 55-year-old woman who would appreciate a handwritten note for Valentine’s Day on a little scrap piece of paper. I am single by choice because I am too nice and get involved with men who don’t give two shits and I still stay and try to make it work. I am happier just being alone than having to deal with all the stress of having a SO.

[-]

AnotherMM@reddit

Amen. I'm 75, have been alone for almost 30 years, and have been much happier this way. I have a great son, but never wanted to be married again or even in a relationship.

[-]

BottledFizzyCoffee@reddit

I’m sorry that you have these feelings of inadequacy. I suspect that you are putting this on yourself. A mild comment from your daughter or SO makes you whip yourself with the comment. It’s a hard and painful cycle. Everything we do is imperfect and they aren’t expecting perfection from you.

You might want to look for ways to start to get satisfaction with yourself so you can wallow in small successes. It can really help. I might suggest trying little things that you can do consistently that can have a benefit of its own with the added benefit of a simple success. Like going for a 20 minute walk 5 times a week. You’ll quickly see that the walk gets easier to do and easier to look forward to. Do it by yourself or with your SO. You might also get a small weight set and just do a few basic exercises with the weights. Again, you’ll see that you can quickly do more curls, for example, after a week that you could when you started. It will build confidence and happiness.

I’ve been there. When I talked to my SO about my feelings and really took time to explain what my brain was doing to me, they started to look for ways to cheer me on as I left for work or did just about anything. It was so sweet and was a huge help. But, ultimately, it was up to me to find little ways I could pat myself on the back for a job well done. It takes time, but you can do it. You’re GenX… you can do anything.

[-]

OPOHRanch@reddit

I think Valentine’s Day should be done away with. I don’t need the calendar or the media to tell me when to do something nice for those I love and if I get something on Valentine’s Day it doesn’t mean much of anything to me. Do something nice on a random day for no other reason than that you love me..that means the world to me. I would rather get some hand picked flowers on a day someone is thinking of me because they love me than to get two dozen roses on Valentine’s Day.

[-]

_Roxxs_@reddit

I’ve been married for 47 years, Valentines is just a day now, oh we say happy valentines, but if I want something I just get it myself, same for him.

[-]

Careful-Use-4913@reddit

“It’s like this… for years. I try and try, but something is always wrong. Like I’m supposed to be reading off of some little script on being the perfect man.”

Married 21 years here. More unhappy years than happy ones, unfortunately. You know what this line says to me? It says she’s been telling you exactly what she wants for years, and you still aren’t listening.

You know what the perfect man is? Not someone who is actually perfect, but someone who loves his woman enough to pay attention to her, to notice her, to know her inside and out as a best friend. You’re the perfect man when you just pay attention. Because when you pay attention, you are getting it right.

Different women want different things. I don’t want a bouquet and a card. I want to not have the same damn argument about his kitchen habits that we’ve been having for 21 years. The point here is that if we’re important to you you will take the time to get to know us and what we actually want. Nobody needs to be a mind reader. You just need to pay attention.

If you know more about sports, the stock market, or whatever your pet interests are than you know about your wife, there’s a problem. You can keep all kinds of info in your head like that, but not remember not to do the thing we keep asking you not to do? We know your attention & focus is elsewhere, and that’s what we’re upset about. Guess what? She’s tired of feeling that way too.

[-]

LoveIsTheAnswer-@reddit

You did great! No good deed goes unpunished friend. You scored two touchdowns. So what if you fumbled the ball on the last play. You'd already won the game champ. You did the great thing. You made your daughter happy on Valentine's Day and got a thoughtful gift for SO.

Sounds like the SO dropped the ball entirely.

The daughter just wants to feel loved by both of you which is really sweet.

You did great. Do your best and roll with the punches. When you try, and do your best, and life kicks you anyways. Treat yourself to something. Dinner at your favorite restaurant. Tickets to a game. Buy something you were putting off.

Sounds like you are like me and have no tolerance for criticism so you do everything you can to avoid it. You work harder. But... Still take shots.

Sounds like your stressed out man. How do you unwind. Like really unwind?

[-]

Top-Cucumber8014@reddit

I obviously don't know your personal situation, but judging from your feelings of discouragement it sounds like there are some underlying issues between you and your SO that have been going on for longer than today. It might well be that the disappointed reactions of your SO and daughter stem from the fact these issues aren't addressed. They might feel the gift is inadequate because a gift can't resolve other serious issues such as (and i don't insinuate this is the case here) lack of meaningful conversation or emotional connection, lack of quality family time, resentment over past unresolved conflict, etc.

[-]

IdiocracyCometh@reddit

You are right to be frustrated. Your wife disrespected you in front of your daughter and she is teaching your daughter to disrespect men in general and her father in particular. It’s shameful the way many women treat their husbands in front of their children.

You can try to explain this to your wife but it is very unlikely to make a difference if this is a pattern that has repeated for years already.

[-]

JoannasBBL@reddit

I dont get? SHE was grumbling because SHE didnt get anything for the daughter. Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s her being critical of herself not being critical of you.

Secondly, the doctor said he didn’t put mommy’s name on the card Whoopty whoop like that’s not really even a criticism she’s just making an observation.

You bought the gift to be thoughtful to them. They are mad that you didn’t get enough credit for doing it??? And your internalizing, your wife being upset with herself for not buying her daughter anything. And being unnecessarily, sensitive or offended by your daughter, making an observation.

[-]

Error418ZA@reddit

This is not a nice way to spend life.

For me, it was the walking on egg shells all of the time, eventually one leaves an hour early for work, and work late just not be at home, the safe space.

I will be honest, I am now alone for about 6 years, I am happy, I get lonely, but I am never lonesome.

I have now become comfortable in this manner of living, me and my cat, and it is enough.

I truly hope you and the mrs have a good sit down, this cannot last, for your daughter's sake.

[-]

Special_Luck7537@reddit

And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries. Simon and Garfunkel.

Welcome to being a modern man.

No really sometimes the little things you do are not appreciated, it sucks but unfortunately without looking like a dick you cant really say anything.

[-]

Wonderful_Spell_792@reddit

Seems like a no brainer to put mom’s name on the card.

[-]

DoneAndDustedYeah@reddit

Still not a big deal. It was on the sink, right next to the shower, where she was.

[-]

itsmeyeshihello@reddit

I mean it’s not your problem she didn’t get your/her daughter anything.

Also. Reconsider this whole thing. She’s pulling you down, dude. You did sweet things and she’s throwing dirt on them. Life is entirely too short.

[-]

justwinbaby09@reddit

I told my girlfriend when I first met her, I will treat you extremely well, spoil you on a semi-reglar basis, but don't expect me to participate in a manufactured holiday like Valentine's Day. We've never had any issues on V-day. A fake holiday shouldn't make you have to prove you worth or case additional stress. Remember everything you do for your family throughout the year. Remind your SO if needed.

[-]

I just avoid 100% of this by having my wife agree long ago to ignore Valentines Day.

Seriously, totally manufactured holiday as a money grab.

kon---@reddit

Lighten your expectations. People are famous for dashing what we hope to see happen. Roll with it in laughter. But make it passive aggressive fun.

'No sweetie, Mommy forgot to sign it'

[-]

i_am_jacks_reddit_@reddit (OP)

Fuck, I wish I was quick on the draw like that. Would’ve been perfect.

[-]

Good-Salad-9911@reddit

It wouldn’t have been perfect. It would have been a shitty dick move. This is part of the problem with “venting” your problems on reddit. You get shit advice.

The correct answer is something like, “I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t think to add your name to the card. Can we talk about how to fix this?”

Changing how we think is work. Some the older, deeper rooted behaviors are tough to unlearn. Totally can be done though.

Here comes something you didn't expect to drop in your lap this morning...cognitive behavior therapy.

CBT is a set of tools that allows people, through patience and repetitive practice, to edit unwanted and or unhelpful thoughts and behaviors while developing new, helpful responses and perspectives which lead to favorable behavior.

Key to it all is, you have to want to drop shit that's heavy to pick up traits that are light.

gif

[-]

Apprehensive_Bit4726@reddit

First, you have to rid yourself of Piaget's Classical Conditioning.

[-]

ThatCharmsChick@reddit

Somehow I read that as "Piglet" and momentarily wondered if that was something from "The Tao of Pooh." 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

[-]

CBT?! Cock and ball torture?!

[-]

Teeks86@reddit

She didn't forget to sign it. It was a gift from HIM to HIS daughter. He put in the effort she didn't. Why should she get awarded for doing nothing?

[-]

kon---@reddit

gif

[-]

ThatCharmsChick@reddit

Bingo. I have to do this to manage my daughter's expectations all the time.

Just say it was from both of you any time this happens.

[-]

ConstructionVisual68@reddit

This☝️The key to a long marriage with kids is to keep your own personal expectations low, push the kids to do their best and hopefully the wife gives it up 3 times a week and maybe pay a bill or 2

[-]

I'm a quilter. Making a quilt takes a ton of hours, not just of energy, but fabric, time, work, etc. There's a refrain among quilters that once the quilt is handed over, it is out of our hands. We never know how the recipient may love (or hate, or not care) about the quilt. BUT we know that we hold that person (family, etc) in our hearts and minds as we work.

You put your thoughts, emotions, time, etc, into choosing these gifts. How your family receives them is their reaction. They own that. You can't. BUT you can own all the thought and care you put into doing it.

I hope you might instead take joy in the feelings you had when you picked the gifts, and when you gave them.

It might be an opening to tell your daughter that you can give her a gift alone, and her mom can give her a gift alone, and sometimes it comes from both of you. My dad had two girl kids (me and my sis) and I cherished everything he did specifically for me and not "the girls."

Someone needs to come out with t-shirts with this on them. Be even better if Hallmark came out with them.

I don’t remember the last time my husband got me anything for Valentines but I would still at least get him a card, make him dinner….something like that.

Absolutely. I don’t know why people, given the myriad of interpretations of a gesture, chose to pick the negative one, but his wife needs to learn to give OP the benefit of the doubt. And OP most definitely needs to tell her how he feels, either directly or with the help of therapy.

[-]

EggandSpoon42@reddit

I mean, do it. Here's a pet rat on a shoulder to calm you down:

And yeah - you should put mommies name on whatever you do for your daughter. That's appropriate.

NAH - you tried. You'll concur next time

[-]

Conscious-Beyond2006@reddit

You are killing it, don't worry.

[-]

Sailboat_fuel@reddit

Hey friend. I’m really sorry this happened, and I hope your day gets better, too.

When you’re ready and you feel like you can talk about it with her, try telling your wife what your intentions were. Maybe something like this:

“Hey, I wasn’t trying to just check the expected holiday box. It’s more than just a card. I want you to know that I love you, I’ve never loved you more, I’m so glad I chose you, I’m so lucky you chose me. You’re my mate, my boo, my beloved. I admire you as a person. I respect you. I want you to know how precious you are to me.”

If you can, look her in the eyes while you say this and hold her hand in yours. It might be uncomfortable if this isn’t a level of verbal/emotional intimacy that’s common between you. She might try to look away. It might make her uncomfortable. That’s okay. Be sincere. Don’t mention hypotheticals (“I’d never leave you” or “I’d kill for you”), just be tender, say kind words, and be forthright. If you mention her looks, don’t just say “you’re my beautiful wife,” tell her that her face is the face you look to for comfort and understanding. Tell her that your heart flips a little every time you see her through a crowd.

Sometimes, V-Day activities feel forced. For a lot of us, it’s a gross, gray, depressing time of year. Cards are great, but they’re ultimately someone else’s sentiments, and we’re all a little cynical about commercial holidays. (Also, we live in a geopolitical climate where it feels safer to assume the worst intentions about everything anyone ever does, unfortunately.) I’m getting the feeling that your wife accepted your love gesture (card, etc) with as much sincerity as she thought you put into it.

When you’re feeling a little better, tell her you meant it. Say it with your chest. “I love you. I love you. I love YOU.” I hope she hears you. 🩷

[-]

Apprehensive_Bit4726@reddit

Man... stop bending over backwards for these ladies. Love is a two way street.

She's not a child.

Nor is she a Queen or Princess. Even though Disney says she is.

Reciprocity.

[-]

Enough_Diamond_9476@reddit

And what do you get from her? Did you get anything? Does she put efford for your B day etc?

[-]

AcornLips@reddit

I hope your day gets better too.

When people point out my mistakes on little things like this I'll usually say, "Yeah, I make mistakes sometimes, sorry.". I'll try to remember next time. Hopefully the people close to you have enough love to show you some grace and you can do the same when they bungle something up.

Don't let things like this get you down, too much. We can be a very bad friend to ourselves and ruminate about our mistakes magnifying their impact. That can lead to a very dark place. Don't do that.

[-]

4N6momma@reddit

Keep being you. You are doing just fine. Some people expect way too much out of others or want to keep up with the Joneses of the world. Your gifts to your wife and daughter were truly on point. You did well and should not feel poorly about it. Your wife, however, needs to be reminded to be thankful for the gifts she does receive.

[-]

Successful_Comfort34@reddit

It sounds like you tried really hard. I’m sorry your SO didn’t recognize your efforts. 🫢 from an Reddit stranger, keep on truckin’.💝

[-]

Zlatyzoltan@reddit

I refuse to acknowledge valentines day as anything other than made up bullshit to boost sales.

I’m so, so sorry OP. 😞This is really sad. I’m big on holidays, and I’ve never had a guy I was dating do much of anything for Valentine’s. They said it was man-made and didn’t believe in it, or just flat-out refused to buy anything. I remember literally being in tears, sobbing to an ex on how happy I would be to just receive a Valentine’s card.

Your gifts sound sweet and thoughtful. It makes me sad that they weren’t enthusiastically received.

[-]

aWanderingPiano@reddit

if she is mad at you, its projection for not doing anything for yalls daughter. stop apologizing. its OK for a SO to be mad, esp when their anger is clearly at themselves.

[-]

Mondschatten78@reddit

Husband and I didn't make any plans at all because they always end up shot to hell due to other people's demands. Told him last night I'd be ok with going to a bookstore, or even waiting until tomorrow to go out.

After we had that convo, we had two different people (the ones often messing up our plans) offer to take care of the youngest so we can go do something. Our plan now is to get something to go from a favored restaurant and find somewhere to sit and eat like a park so we're not fighting for a table.

[-]

HistoryGirl23@reddit

That sounds really sweet that you did those things.

My husband and I wish each other happy Valentine's Day and he beat me to it cuz I'd forgotten. To be fair at anniversary was two weeks ago.

Good-Salad-9911@reddit

Of course not. You made her look like an asshole in front of your daughter by failing to involve her in this gift.

[-]

Read_More_First@reddit

You aren't wrong. That's probably where SO's head is right now. The sad part about this situation Is that daughter knows exactly what is wrong with Mommy and is trying to explain to Dad what the problem is in order to keep the peace in the house. Daughter is walking on eggshells around Mommy, too.

[-]

Good-Salad-9911@reddit

That’s a lot of reddit-social-media-delulu-oriented extrapolation.

[-]

Read_More_First@reddit

Is it? I don't think so.

[-]

rhyth7@reddit

They should agree beforehand on what to do for Valentine's. It's a set date. They should also discuss what to do for other holidays and occeasions that also have set dates. Discuss whether they will do joint gifts or separate ones, etc.

gif

I bet a cool 1 dollar bill that they didn't get you anything...except for the same "gift" they offer every year.

[-]

ineedlotsofguns@reddit

Not tired. You should be used to it by now.

[-]

kam49ers4ever@reddit

You should be tired of this shit. Your SOs attitude is ridiculous. Number one, your gift to her was really nice. I would have cried if my husband did that. Number two, you’re not responsible for what she does for your daughter, nor should you be. My mom was a bit of an outlier when it came to these kinds of holidays. I guess she told my dad when I started kindergarten that she didn’t want flowers anymore for Mother’s Day or Valentine’s Day because they’re made up commercial holidays and she was fine with whatever I made at school. So my dad would bring me a valentines gift every year. Do you remember the giant greeting cards you used to see at the store? My dad would bring me one home every year plus candy or a stuffed animal. My dad died pretty young when I was in high school but I still remember that he never let a Valentine’s Day go by without giving me something. Please continue the tradition with your daughter. She’ll remember that for longer than you know.

[-]

mandoaz1971@reddit

Hey ho! Let’s go😉

[-]

I would wait until cooler heads prevail and ask your SO how she would like to handle these holidays. Joint gifts for daughter, gifts for each other, etc. I mean I woke up to a bag of starburst jelly beans and a card. I am totally down with it.

[-]

Good-Salad-9911@reddit

One of the problems may be that you’re posting about it on Reddit instead of talking to your wife about it.

How does she complain about you?

[-]

ConfidenceAgitated16@reddit

Maybe it’s therapeutic to just vent anonymously when you feel like no one around you understands 🤷🏼‍♀️

[-]

Yikes, dude.

In our family, we tell the other people if something needs to be a big deal or not. And then we honor that.

Example: I told my husband that our anniversary is soooo close to Christmas and we both tend to forget what day it’s on (this has been a running joke for both of us), that to ease the pressure, can we please do nothing for our anniversary?

He got me a lovely heartfelt card but that’s all. I brought him lunch and a rose to work. That’s basically nothing, as I bring him lunch most days.

Today is Valentine’s Day and he went all out for our daughter. Stuffed animal, cute valentines pjs (she’s 4) and an adorable card with a singing cat on it. This is a home run and I told him how much we both appreciate it.

Also I’m 48 and married, this is a holiday for younger couples and stuff. At least, that’s what we both think. He did take our daughter out yesterday and she got me some twizzlers (my favorite) and a cute card and some earrings.

I’ll bring him lunch and a treat from the bakery.

None of us expect flowers and chocolates. BUT IF IT WAS IMPORTANT, WE WOULD COMMUNICATE OUR EXPECTATIONS BEFOREHAND.

I’m sorry that you’re not just unappreciated but it sounds like you’re being belittled too. That’s just not okay. 💔

[-]

IHatePeopleButILoveU@reddit

This is the correct answer. Communication before or the event is key!!!

[-]

IHatePeopleButILoveU@reddit

I would not feel bad at all. You did an amazing job. You went way above and beyond what I would have done. Much of this depends on the age of your daughter and your wife’s expectation. It sounds like your SO is not that worried about Valentine’s Day - if she was, she would not have forgotten to get something for your daughter. As a dad of 4 kids, I only get a card and a very small gift for my daughter, and usually just a card and a very small gift for my wife. There have been years where we didn’t even buy cards because we were too busy. Cards and gifts don’t equal love or show how much you love someone. I would just say we are going to all do something together as a family for Valentine’s Day or that there will be another surprise waiting for her after school. It should not be a big deal. I always say set expectations very low for gifts, and outperform if you have the time and resources. This may also be a good lesson on expectations and how to react appropriately to situations for your daughter. Just a thought. You know your family dynamic better than anyone.

[-]

iggyomega@reddit

My effort has waned to almost nothing over the years regarding Valentine’s Day. It’s kind of a bogus pseudo holiday. My wife never does anything for me, but she also doesn’t care if I do much as she looks at it as a fake holiday. Took her to dinner last night as weather is going to be bad today and ordered her a t shirt so she has it for a concert we are going to see this summer.

We don’t do anything for our kid other than get her valentines stuff to hand out at school. I don’t think she or I got anything when we were kids either. Come from families of anti-valentiners I guess.

[-]

Altruistic-Chef-3749@reddit

My husband and I agreed not to celebrate Valentine’s Day. He gives me just because flowers throughout the year and that means more to me than obligatory holidays gift giving.

[-]

randoguynumber5@reddit

I have never felt so similar to. Reddit post in my life. I feel like I always say something or don’t say something correct and people get their feelings hurt. It just causes me to revert to avoidance and don’t talk to anyone or do anything with people that I may offend. God bless you brother

[-]

mtempissmith@reddit

At this point besides my cat I have nobody. I'm a bit of a loner and I'm not too disturbed by that but when I read stuff like this it makes me sad because there are so many people like me out there who don't have anyone to give a Valentine to or to get one from. I bought myself something just because I try to 💝 me at least but it looks like USPS lost that so I'm not even getting the gift I bought for myself.

No offense but people need to count their blessings. I'm doing that today even sans Valentine. I have a roof over my head going on 4 years now, no mean thing since I was homeless for almost 6 years. I still have my beloved 18 year old furball. I'm chronically ill but I am still here unlike most of my friends and my Ex all of which passed way too young. I live in a place I love and always wanted to come back to and I'm not paying a small fortune to do it.

Life isn't perfect but it's pretty good compared to where I was from 2017-2021.

I can live without the roses and the candy...

Happy Valentine's Day to everybody.

❤️❤️❤️

[-]

Electronic-Channel23@reddit

My wife and I normally leave town every Valentines weekend as that’s also our anniversary weekend (27 years now). That’s our gift to ourselves and takes all the pressure off buying gifts and planning something special. However, on one occasion several years ago, when our kids were still in school , things were hectic,and Valentine Day was in the middle of the week, we decided to stay in town, go out for dinner that weekend on our actual anniversary and just get each other a small gift. Because I hadn’t really had to think about a Valentine gift for years, my mind was blank about what to get her. I ended up getting her flowers (easy default gift) and ordering her pajamas from Pajama Gram online (heard an add on the radio, she had mentioned wanting some warm pajamas as a Christmas idea, and I was desperate for an idea). I ended up ordering some pajamas that were listed as “flakey”. It was basically light blue fleece bottoms with snowflakes on them and a white top with some sort of giant snowflake on it. There was an option to personalize it with the person’s name on the shirt. I just wanted to get it ordered and done with so it would arrive on time. So I had her name added to it, and even paid extra to have it gift wrapped.

The gift was delivered the day before Valentines Day, and I was relieved knowing that I had ordered a “thoughtful” gift, it was already wrapped, and I would be able to give it to her in the morning before work. The morning came and she was very happy with the flowers . Then she opened the gift and had a very unhappy look on her face and said “Is this a joke!!! She wasn’t totally angry, but clearly wasn’t happy. I was a little crushed because, while I bought them at the last minute and knew they weren’t the most romantic gift, I at least thought it was thoughtful, a little different, and actually practical as she had given it as a Christmas idea just a couple months earlier. Then she pulled the top out of the box and showed me the front. It had an emblem under the snowflake that said “Flakey” which I didn’t catch when I ordered them. She said, “Are you saying I’m flakey?” I told her not at all. Then she showed me the back of the shirt that had the name “Suzy” across the bottom, and now in an angry tone said “And who is Suzy?” Needless to say, that is not my wife’s name.

Once I explains to her what had happened, she actually laughed about it. When I called the company about the snafu, they apologized said they would send me a new shirt. I explained that after what had happened, I didn’t think a new shirt was going to fix my issue. They then said they would give me a refund. When I asked if I needed to send the pajamas back, they basically said no. So in the end I got my wife a free pajama bottom (I think we donated the top to Goodwill.”

As I type this, we’re currently out of town celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary. We’ve left town every year since the pajama incident (if it works, don’t fix it). With that said, I feel sorry for anyone who is getting grief for what they did or didn’t do for Valentine’s Day. At the end of the day, being together should be enough…and a nice dinner, gift, or weekend trip alone is just icing in the cake.

[-]

icandrawacircle@reddit

Communication is so important. That may be the important lesson in this experience?

You can be miserable and blame your wife for being demanding, but you're never gonna improve your relationship that way.

A relationship is all about growing through communication, not giving up because she/he hurt your feelings. No blame or shame to you, I just want to help you use the opportunity, instead of spending a day of love for eachother, upset. That's not what your daughter would want.

A question: Does your wife typically buy gifts and put your name on everything? If that's how things work typically, when/if you told her that you were getting your daughter something, she definitely expected that you would be doing the role of both parents, just as she would have done.

Consistency is so important, especially when it comes to kids. My dad was not a communicator, some years he would buy me random gifts and just hand them to me, but my mom's planned gifts would still have his name on them too because my mom made sure I saw them as one parental unit.

If my spouse picks up anything for the kids, it's unspoken, both of our names go on the gift. That may be easier for us than some because we don't have to argue over who is spending what since we share all of our income equally. I think that has a lot to do with how we have learned to communicate.

[-]

noonoobabykins@reddit

Dunno, the wife sounds a bit meh and kid..well. she's learnt from mummy

[-]

grimbasement@reddit

Message to OP...up the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Read it. Do it.

[-]

ArcticPangolin3@reddit

It's kind of weird to get family members Valentine's gifts, IMO, but it's really sweet that you did. Is all this really about gifts though? Maybe I'm projecting, but this seems more like an ongoing failure in communication.

For example, my SO sometimes over reacts to a minor complaint I have. I say something and move on, but he'll be in a bad mood for hours. That means we aren't communicating well.

Anyway, just putting it out there to think about. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, especially when you honestly made an effort.

Advanced_Struggle_23@reddit

When I was married in my early 20s I would make my now X husband lunches and put a sweet note in there. After weeks of sewing he didn’t open them I asked if he saw them and he said yes. From that day forward ( now 50) I have never done this again for another man. I did this for my dad for years when I was younger and he still has those notes saved. What I learned very quickly is not all men are created equally 🤣🤣🤣 I am sorry you put effort in to show your love and end up feeling disappointed in the outcome. Total bummer.

[-]

muphasta@reddit

Sucks dude.

I had to temper my expectations years ago.

I was feeling good about myself as I’d done 6-8 loads of laundry, folded it all, and put everything away. We had two young boys so lots of little shirts and pants to fold…

Sure, I had some time for other stuff while the first load was in the washer and then dryer to do other things, but I showered, drank my coffee, and watched some TV.

Wife gets home from work and the first thing she sees and says, “I see you didn’t do the dishes”.

I learned to not to expect appreciation and/or recognition. I thought she’d be happy that she didn’t need to worry about 6-8 loads of laundry over the weekend.

Our relationship is 90% good, 5% great, and 5% spread out on the far extremes of not good and way beyond great.

So I try to concentrate on the majority and let the minority go unnoticed. But it is always the minority that seems to affect the other 95%.

[-]

ForcedEntry420@reddit

Hallmark holidays only exist to sell over priced glitter cards. People put way too many expectations into them.

[-]

RadiantCarpenter1498@reddit

I do the heavy for every holiday in my family, but when it comes to presents for the kids, I understand my wife and I are parental unit; both names go on the gifts.

As a woman that grew up without a father around, thank you. As a single woman who left abusive relationships, thank you. As a 49F GenX alone, raising two nearly adult sons, thank you.

[-]

EddyS120876@reddit

Bro you are not alone . The expectations have increase thanks to marketing telling us “we need to go above and beyond for our gals…..but don’t expect anything for you..go it!!” This is why I wish we did it like Japan. Valentines for us and white day for her .

[-]

plightfantastic@reddit

Screw Valentine’s Day in the total butt. I hate feeling guilty about shit too. Work hard, pay all the shit, stress all the time then get hammered over the wrong names on the freaking card? Just yikes. Now swallow the bellyaching and get back to work. Keep being you. Be the best you and be and stay sincere. You’re going to be okay. And frankly tell them both to try harder to live gratefully so they don’t wear out people who love them in all the important ways. But don’t say any of that out loud. Because you’re a dude and you have to take the wrinkles in your face rather than enjoy some empty vindication. It’s all meaningless. Hang on till the asteroid get here then… sweet relief.

I’m outta beer.

[-]

Baxterado@reddit

My dad warned me of marrying someone that was never content with life or anything I did. That didn't work out so well.....

[-]

GidimXul@reddit

I cant imagine a situation where I didn't discuss with my wife what I had purchased for my child. At the very least there is a surprising lack of communication in this relationship.

[-]

ivegotafastcar@reddit

This. My mom signed all the cards love mom and dad. Did my dad ever see the card? Now maybe but probably not when I was younger. Definitely a communications thing.

[-]

Cat-servant-918@reddit

Do you think your wife could have meant that she hadn't picked up a gift or card for your daughter (and you) yet? Like she's been busy and was planning to bring something home today after work?

No_Arugula_6548@reddit

My husband and I wish each other a Happy Valentine’s Day and that’s pretty much it. If I happened to be at the store, I might get us some chocolates to split. I just don’t buy into all the lovey dovey valentines crap lol

[-]

unclefire@reddit

Valentines day is absolute bullshit. So are a few other days where you're expected to do some shit where companies expect to buy shit to accomplish the shit that's expected on that shit holiday. I'm fine with going out for dinner on Valentines day, but I'm not going thru some big thing for it.

My wife and I have no such expectations. We give things to each other because we want to. If we sometimes don't, neither of us feels slighted.

This year, my wife bought things to give to our kids. I did not. They know she is the one who put it together, but its both from "us."

[-]

2boredtocare@reddit

You know I got from my husband? same thing I got for my birthday: nothing!

I don't honestly care. I'm commenting only because if you were my spouse, and you got me a card and a music box, I'd be happy as can be.

[-]

kenjinyc@reddit

My friend, the grind should be anything outside of your family. I don’t make any assumptions but based on what you did for them, I’m sure they feel exactly the same for you (appreciated and loved)

Bottom line, you’re surrounded by loved ones. Some of us aren’t so lucky. 🥹❤️

[-]

Zestyclose_Media_548@reddit

I don’t think wife has enough respect for you. You dont obviously want ultimatums or threats of divorce- but I do think you probably need some changes in your relationship dynamic. As a woman I’m actually pretty peeved at your wife- you are thoughtful to both your daughter and wife and you get criticism. If you had signed she may have been peeved you didn’t consult her. Now I will tell you that perimenopause does have me thinking really crazy at times and sometimes being really emotional- but my partner is always very real with me and I frequently apologize and actually tell him that he may want to stay away cause I’m in a mood that has nothing to do with him. Relationships are hard - but again - you deserve respect for being thoughtful. I think marriage counseling may be great and maybe some individual counseling to figure out how to advocate for yourself - like should you say - no daughter - mom can get her own card if she wants and wife - you can either talk enjoy this with me and we can plan together or you can do you own thing. If she’s having a tricky time she would have said - I’m burnt out and I’m upset with myself that I forgot to get anything for Valentine’s Day. She doesn’t get to take her negative feelings about herself and push it on to you .

[-]

Read_More_First@reddit

You sound like a good person. I love that you reflect on how your actions affect your husband. I wish you could give my wife some of that. 😕 She lives and reacts in the moment. I know this about her, so I always try to compensate. It's still hard sometimes, and it's been 25 years.

[-]

Zestyclose_Media_548@reddit

I work in special education so I’m constantly reflecting on my practices and listening to myself. I also learned a lot from the Brene Brown parenting book. She talked a lot about shame and guilt. I always try to remember a story she told about a person trying to get gas and their debit card/ credit card wouldn’t work ( it wasn’t her fault ) and while she was talking with the clerk they yelled at her and shamed her and then she went back to the car and then yelled at the child - releasing that negative emotion. I see that with kids , parents , friends , coworkers etc etc . I try to stop myself and when I don’t manage that I explain and I apologize. Relationships are hard man- I’m sure my guy could tell you the many ways I screw up but I do think he’d tell you I do admit my faults and I do try to not keep making the same mistake over and over. We both have actually gotten into the habit of admitting when we were wrong about something immediately- and we both laugh about it because then the person who was right can’t have the joy of pointing it out.

[-]

Derfargin@reddit

Only one thing you can do to fix this my man. You can choose to keep things the way they are for do something to change it.

What am I asking you to do?

Whatever it is that you feel you should do to change either your outlook, or your situation. But one thing is for sure. Complaining about it gets you absolutely nowhere.

[-]

gistexan@reddit

My wife and I do not celebrate anything other than our birthdays. Everything else is just created by big card and a complete waste. We don't have children which allows us to eat out at nice places, we travel twice a year outside the country.

[-]

Proper_Economist2581@reddit

She, and some of the other spouses people are describing here, may just be a narcissist.

I'm 99.9% sure my husband is, and he says this same type of thing. Everything is a competition where I am the loser, and he exceeds his own expectations.

I am incapable of x, y, z, or anything. I say the wrong things. When I make these mistakes, it's because I don't love or care for him enough and just don't gaf (in his eyes).

If I really cared, I wouldn't do or say x, y, z that way because it hurts him.

Or because I made a, b, or c mistakes, I don't "really know" him after all of these years, because that's not the thing he wanted or way he'd handle it, or whatever.

I'm sorry you are going through this and that she has started influencing your daughter in this way.

Been there. My 3rd wife was extremely high maintenance. For whatever reason I didn't realize it until it was too late.

After our first year or so together, it didn't matter what I did, it was never enough. And I did a fuck ton. Overcompensated constantly to try and make her happy.

Now I'm perpetually single and very very happy. Never again.

[-]

Routine_Breath_7137@reddit

Work at company that recognizes a bunch of international days: women, LGBTQIA2S+, pancakes. You name it. Which is great! All for it!

International Men's Day comes and goes and not a peep from HR, mngt, nothing. I could care less but it speaks volumes.

[-]

Winterwtch@reddit

We quit celebrating valentines day a few years ago...This year the hubs got me flowers a few days before valentines day just because I have been working so much overtime. Valentines day is a dumb holiday. People are upset on social media because "my significant other didn't ask me to be their valentine".....dumb dumb dumb in my opinion.

[-]

Gold_and_Lead@reddit

I have to remind my wife often that I don’t read minds. It’s really helped our communication. Best wishes to you and I hope it gets better!!

[-]

Firehorse100@reddit

Have you tried talking to your SO and telling her how you feel? Any gift or show of appreciation should be acknowledged because you've obviously put time and effort into it. If you're not feeling appreciated, tell her.

[-]

i_am_jacks_reddit_@reddit (OP)

I’m a man, I’m not supposed to have feelings… /s

Seriously though, there’s been conversations. They always end up in typical fashion with her crying and me apologizing for some fucking reason about feeling stuff.

[-]

Read_More_First@reddit

Gawd, I understand your situation 100% like I wrote it. Where I end up apologizing when I try to talk about something that is bothering me.

Even in this situation, I wouldn't even know how to broach the issue with my wife without causing immense fallout. Even something as simple and direct as, "My feelings are hurt because you didn't acknowledge my Valentine's gift to you this morning," would spiral.

My wife's new thing (within the last couple years) is withholding. She would reluctantly apologize, but then I would be cut off emotionally for a period of time (sometimes as long as a week).

So I feel you brother. I'm not going to give you flippant answers like gEt coUnsELiNg or brEaK uP. Just know that it's not just you, and you aren't going crazy.

[-]

LilBitofSunshine99@reddit

Damn, I really feel for you putting up with such manipulation. Therapy might force someone to take a good look at their own behavior as it appears to someone outside off their household.

[-]

LilBitofSunshine99@reddit

It sounds like your SO is manipulating you.

[-]

noideajustaname@reddit

You can HAVE feelings. Just keep that shit to yourself.

[-]

snowpixiemn@reddit

Your wife is using manipulative behavior. I know reddit is quick to say therapy, but it wouldn't hurt in this case. Therapy for yourself would give you the tools to shut down her little crying games and to stand up for yourself. Marriage counseling would help both of you be able to communicate better with each other and hopefully get both of you to a place where sharing your disappointment or weaknesses doesn't cause a fight or cause further alienation.

You did everything right today. Your wife fucked up and she's pissed at herself. Pissed that she didn't remember your daughter today. If you haven't gotten anything from her (Valentine's Day isn't just for the ladies), she's pissed she forgot to get you something too. Or she might not like Valentine's Day and is pissed it's being celebrated at all. In all of these situations it's a HER thing. She forgot or she isn't communicating. If she forgets smaller holidays like this, instead of getting pissed after the fact she could put a reminder on her phone and ask you to remind her a couple weeks out too. She could ask that next year you include her on your daughter's gift.

aogamerdude@reddit

Commercial retail has ruined holidays in general, Halloween has too much cuteness to go with the dark & scary (which is watered down alone these days) now, speaking of candy there's usually too much for Easter now that it's ½ price when it starts.

After Thanksgiving, it's almost like Christmas is here already, whoever thought of sticking Christmas elements in turkey day parades should've been shot, there's so much Christmas music that by the time December 25th rolls in, more people are tired of it than not, I mean even New Year's Eve is just a one night event that, afaik, has never had as much pre-celebration, or anticipation, even President's Day sales since our youth seemed ruined.

St. Patrick's day, bars & alcohol breweries seem to go in on that more than others, it's odd because the saint himself is not even Irish (fun fact the only saint I know of so far who brewed beer is St. Arnulf. ), when that day comes around it sometimes seems people overdo it with green.

I think it's shitty that your wife seemingly expects something that she hasn't clued you in to. She got a card and a gift, and you also got your daughter something (which is not part of Valentine's Day, so that was super extra -- I've never done anything for either child on Valentine's Day, nor has my dad ever done anything for me on Valentine's Day, since we are not dating / together... But I digress )

Anyway I read your whole story and I still don't see any "screw up" anywhere? All I see is rudeness from your wife, who seemingly didn't acknowledge your gift? And a bit of teasing pertness from your daughter, who seems like maybe she was subtly ribbing her mom for making you do all the holiday related work? I don't think it was at all meant to be a dig at you, because why would you sign someone else's name if they had nothing to do with the gift? If your wife wanted to be acknowledged by her daughter today for giving a Valentine's Day thing, she should have arranged to give a Valentine's Day thing herself.

I think your wife is loading you down with too many unstated expectations. It sounds like a miserable way to live. Your daughter may have picked up on that and is starting to treat you the same way .

Do you have access to individual therapy? I want you to have at least one safe place where you can talk this out with someone trustworthy. You don't deserve to be treated this way. You deserve compassion, love, and respect.

[-]

NoGame212@reddit

Sorry but it’s not your responsibility to read your partners mind and figure out her gifts. She’s an adult and if she was too busy, she can communicate that she needed you to help with something for the kiddo. She’s putting it on you when it’s really on her. Stop letting her.

[-]

Justatinyone@reddit

My husband got me a little box of chocolates with a kitten on the box. Less than $5. I was happy he thought of me, but even if he had forgotten the day entirely it wouldn't have mattered. He is a wonderful man and a good father. We've been married for 28 years in April.

Valentine's Day is the biggest Hallmark corporate shill going. You deserve to feel appreciated for the everyday, not because a calendar tells you to do something.

[-]

gemineye1969@reddit

That’s why I didn’t have kids and I’m currently not married.

[-]

Gen_X_MenoBadass@reddit

Please know that there are women out there that could care less about Valentines Day. The true origin and story of it is not something I care to celebrate and is so far strayed from how we know it today. It’s a dumb day meant to make retailers money. No, I’m not bitter. I have celebrated in the past. I’ve just changed my views over the years and feel it is a waste of money.

I do enjoy a good pieces of chocolate tho. I stock up when all that stuff starts blasting the stores. I get it the day of so it is grossly marked down.

Just another day.

[-]

shortstop_princess@reddit

It's not you. We women are just like that sometimes. Your Valentines gifts are more than enough! 💗 Although my husband knows I LOVE surprises, throughout the years I think he's surprised me once or twice. (I've learned not to get so mad anymore 😅.)

Global_Initiative257@reddit

Oh that sucks. My husband and I are a perfect match. We don't care about Hallmark holidays.

[-]

Estef74@reddit

It a Hallmark holiday. No bfd

[-]

billyjack669@reddit

Communicate with your partner regarding the daughter gift beforehand.

Sorry, man. Being bummed out stinks. For me, it's helpful to count my own blessings when I'm feeling burdened. Sometimes, perspective can recalibrate a nasty emotional state.

We stopped holiday gifts years ago, realizing we are all caught up in consumerism. Perhaps thoughtful notes, dates, gifts “just because” will be a good idea going forward. I’m sorry you feel like you do and hope you can lovingly express your love, positive intentions, and ask if your SO can receive that as the beautiful gesture it is… and agree on some ways you can do things together going fwd that will make everyone happy.

BillSkinner@reddit

I suggest you take the "Hallmark Holiday" back to its origins. Lupercalia. Sacrifice 2 goats, a dog, and wipe blood on their foreheads. Clean the knife off with wool dipped in milk, have the servants and all local workers trade names in a hat, swap partners for the festival, and enjoy the festival of fertility..

Honestly, man, this traditional life bullshit is tiring. It isn't the fucking 50s, even though most of us are in ours.

I will grab my wife a card, write words, and call it a day. We have a loving relationship and ofc YMMV, but we have agreed to avoid most acts of commercial motivated indulgence.

Maybe a box of chocolate, shared.

Good luck, take some time for yourself, and realize we have just the one go at this rodeo. There is no need to waste it being unhappy or being made to be unhappy by someone else's misery.

[-]

gringovato@reddit

Damn. When did Vday become so one sided ? Do the women just think it's all about them ? Don't answer that....

[-]

FranqiT@reddit

Nope, not myself or the people I know. I don’t go all out for my hubby, but there’s always a small gift, a meal, and a homemade dessert!

[-]

Minimum_Intention848@reddit

Always has been imo and I'm old.

It's always been an advertising campaign to sell women's luxury products and men do it in the hopes of being appreciated or at least getting laid.

[-]

MissDisplaced@reddit

Bah! Valentine Day! Learned long ago not to expect anything and don’t bother celebrating it.

I would rather treat someone on their birthday.

[-]