My wife has said that if I get my car it'll end our marriage. We are both in our early 30s.

All I want is a BRZ to LS Swap.

Even more infuriating and frustrating is the fact that I was a sportbike rider for over a decade before she even met me. 

I had a 2009 Yamaha R1 when we met. I was very transparent about my riding style. She had even seen me ride a few times both on the streets and on the tracks. She knew motorsports is my passion. She even told me when we were dating how interesting it was to her and that she had always been curious about riding too, and also about how much she loved my passion for the sport because I spoke very passionately about it. I had two bikes at the time and always offered to teach her how to ride but she never took me up on it. I told her very definitively when we were dating to never ever make me choose between my passion or the relationship. To never tell me to sell the bike because it was my baby.

FFW to several months after our first child was born. I wrecked the R1 in a gnarly crash. Worst crash I ever had, but it wasn't the first one by far, and it also wasn't the first one my wife had seen me in, though it was the most painful out of all my crashes. Broke some bones, completely lost the bike. Admittedly I was not of clear mindset on that ride, as we were having issues in our marriage and I felt the need to blow off some steam, which for me was shredding twisties. I had never been on that road before and I miscalculated the road, and thought my nearly 2 decades of experience would save me from issues. The road quickly proved how fragile our egos get, but it didn't deter my passion. 

It freaked her out something fierce though. She got scared and thinks I almost died. And I didn't handle the situation well at all, because I told her I wouldn't have cared if I died because it was doing something I loved, so I shot myself in the foot there. 

Soon after the wreck, she told me that if I ever got another bike again she'd leave me. I got another bike. She stayed but begrudgingly. I sold that new bike with 12 miles on it, because I knew she was upset, and because I started to feel like I should spend more time with our child. 

So I bought a BRZ instead. I took our child on drives, and was always tame when I had our child in the car, but I was transparent about my driving habits when our child wasn't in the car, which was probably where I shot myself in the other foot too. I also spent money on mods I promised I wouldn't, and I accept that I broke a promise, however, we make good money, and my actions never took food off our table, never took clothes off our baby's back, never once made us question whether or not our bills would get paid on time. I made sure of that. No matter what I do, regardless of whether I break a promise, I'll never jeopardize our family, I'll never make anyone starve to support my habits, I'll never put us in a position to be forced to choose between paying one bill over the other just to follow my hobbies. 

After a few months of a pure uncomfortable home environment and marriage, I thought that if I sold the BRZ it would make my wife love me again as it would signal to her that I'm willing to choose our family over my passions. I sold the car. She still hated me. To her credit, she did tell me not to sell the car and did try to make me aware that I shouldn't be selling the car because I think it would make her happy, but at the time I thought that doing so would've brought her back to me and would've been the thing that fixes a failing marriage.

FFW to today, nearly a year later, while we have made great progress in counseling, I can tell she still harbors resentment against me for a lot of things which are certainly justifiable for sure, but unfortunately, she has explicitly stated that if I were to get into motorsports again that it would end our marriage. It has gotten to the point where she gets visibly upset whenever I even stare at another car or bike out on the street for too long. Not even joking here, she has brought this fact up during marriage counseling. If ever I even briefly and subtly mention anything having to do with motorsports during a conversation, I can see her facial expression shift, I see the anger in her eyes, and her tone completely changes. Even if I'm just trying to make a light hearted joke. Even if all I said was "that car is cool". She thinks I talk too much about it and that I haven't learned any lessons at all and that I'm being juvenile and not thinking about our children because as a father she believes I shouldn't be taking those risks that put my life in danger because I need to be around for the kids. 

She's neither right nor wrong. She's not wrong because I did need a coming-to-jesus moment pretty late into my fatherhood chapter to show me that perhaps I shouldnt be treating my local public roads as personal race tracks 24/7. But she's not right because she has completely shut out any possible conversation about it and refuses to even let me think about my passions, regardless of the fact that I've since matured and now recognize that I am a father and will not be driving it like I stole it anymore. She has even expressed in counseling that if I keep talking about it she'll eventually leave. Her "reasoning" is that she doesn't want to have to explain to the kids why Daddy died doing something he loves....so I guess that somehow means that she should just take Daddy away from them entirely? Idk man. 

My advice to you is this: If motorsports is truly your passion, like it is mine, I mean it runs in your blood, it's in your DNA, it's what defines you in this life, like it does for me, and your fiancee is acting like my wife...you should leave now while you still can. Otherwise, you'll be like me: miserable and depressed every single day, because I can't even think about being who I want to be without having to face the wrath of my wife's fears and then being forced to choose between myself or my family. We have children, so I can't exactly leave if I wanted to.  And don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying I love my passion more than my children or family. But I shouldn't be forced to choose. This isn't right. I feel prisoner every single day. Not especially when I have properly expressed my maturation into a proper adult that has no desire to set speed records on public roads anymore. I love my children, more than anything in this world. I'd die for them in a heartbeat. They are my entire world. But this doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed to pursue my passions as an individual. This means I should exercise greater caution than before, but not that I should put it off entirely. 

I also wrote this at the risk that my wife will read this (I think she has a reddit and she knows I have one) and undo every bit of progress we've made in counseling. I just can't hold it in anymore. I'm tired of feeling like a cheetah in a zoo enclosure smaller than a studio apartment.