Is there an epidemic of LACK of loneliness in the UK?

Posted by Other_Exercise@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 9 comments

I spent much of my twenties pretty lonely. Years later, in my thirties, I'm nowhere near lonely enough. What's changed, apart from general life circumstances, is a general desire to just sit and relax, either with a good book, a Youtube video, or a really engrossing hobby. Part of it is also mental changes, when you just start to like things you'd previously find slow and boring. My sister, who is a mother of three, finds herself in the same situation - she just wants to carve out more time to be herself. I appreciate not being as lonely as I wish to be may seem like a luxury, but I can't help feeling loneliness is very much linked to age/brain development/and life stage, rather than an epidemic per se.

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9 Comments

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AF_II@reddit

This isn't what 'lonely' means. I guess that you're right in that as you get older you might get more comfortable in your own company so you don't *feel* lonely when you're in you're own company. But no, no one WANTS more lonliness, it's like saying people WANT to be sadder, it's negative. The fact that you like and appreciate being *alone* is not the same as "being lonely".

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Wise-Application-144@reddit

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'd stress the difference between genuine human togetherness, vs demands upon your attention. I'm desparately trying to cut down the trivial and often attention-sapping contact (chat messages, notifications, chit-chat around the office) but at the same time I'm trying to foster some of the genuine socialising that I used to do - nights in with pals, pub trips, camping etc. I'm probably late to the party here, but I did a phone detox over xmas and I realised the sheer amount of time I spend servicing low-value communications about stuff that's inconsequential to me. IMHO it's possible to be bombarded with contact, but to also be lonely at the same time.

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BigBeanMarketing@reddit

> I realised the sheer amount of time I spend servicing low-value communications about stuff that's inconsequential to me. Does all communication have to revolve around you?

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alexdelp1er0@reddit

> low-value communications Jesus Christ.

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SilyLavage@reddit

It's easy to have a lot of low-quality contact nowadays, which can give the illusion of socialising but isn't the same thing. I mean things like social media interactions and instant messaging, where you can 'contact' someone but it's typically very shallow. As you note, it can also stop you from getting on with more rewarding activities such as reading or hobbies. As it happens I deleted Facebook (which I barely used) and Instagram (which I used a fair bit) at the start of the month, and I can't say I miss either. I told the contacts I wanted to keep in touch with where to find me, saved my photos, and that was it. It's freed up a reasonable amount of time, and I've enjoyed filling it with things I actually enjoy rather than passively react to.

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knight-under-stars@reddit

I don't think you are using lonely in the right way here. Lonely is a negative and undesirable emotion I think what you are actually looking for is some "me time".

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Far_wide@reddit

You and your sister are two people out of 68 million in the UK, so you are in danger of replicating the statistical validity of the daily 'Does everyone have the flu, because I do and my mate does' threads here. That said, yes it clearly can be very much linked to age/life stage as you suggest but Also be an epidemic i.e. it's likely to affect the elderly more but also be affecting the elderly far more than it used to in the past. In addition, loneliness now affects young people more these days apparently too. Of the demographic that's likely to be the reverse, then I'd guess it's probably yours because of demands of children and also from increasingly elderly parents.

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RevolvingCatflap@reddit

You're confusing solitude with loneliness.

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