ULPT Request: how to fuck up my shitty old computer monitors at work so the company replaces them?
Posted by TheRealToodles@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 77 comments
Title pretty much says it. Tired of staring at these ridiculously old super shitty square computer monitors all day. The company will upgrade old computer hardware when it no longer works and most of my coworkers have gotten nice new setups at this point. Mine, however, work just fine so they are refusing to replace them. Any ways to expedite that process which won’t raise alarms that they’ve been tampered with?
Not able to “accidentally spill” a liquid on there - we aren’t allowed to have open-top beverages at the desks so if I went that route would probably just get yelled at lol.
bigdrod68@reddit
I don't think most ways of messing with the input will work without taking them apart. However, get a skinny pliers, snap a pin off the VGA or DVI cable and push it all the way in with a super skinny sewing pin or something. Reattach the cable. Play dumb when it doesn't work. Must've been corrosion or something due to age. Maybe you just moved the monitor when you cleaned you desk. Nobody going to try fixing a monitor that old.
Honestly.... This is easier. Pour water on them through the vents in the back at end of day while they are still on. Dry it off the desk. Go home. Then realize they don't work the next day. Must've been a power surge or something.
Effective-Window-922@reddit
Find a really bring picture and set computer so it stays on all night so you get screen burn
Kamiden@reddit
Well, if you're an office worker, IT already assumes you're stupid. So just act the part and break it.
Practical-Command634@reddit
I don't want to try it for obvious reasons but a good magnet used to fuck TVs right up.
anonymousjeeper@reddit
Clean them and press too hard.
destuctir@reddit
What kind of monitors are there? Is there LCD you can put a magnet against the screen to kill clusters of pixels
Aiku@reddit
This is a total myth and only works on CRTs
Jacktheforkie@reddit
Even then that can be reversed
Aiku@reddit
I did not know that, can you elaborate?
I just remember laughing my ass off at my Formula One-obsessed roomie who put massive 15" speakers on each side of his dumpster-find Triniton, to get the full audio effect.
The cars changed colors three times as they traversed the screen.
Jacktheforkie@reddit
You can use a degaussing tool to reverse the effects, some units even have it installed in the mesh
Aiku@reddit
Wow, thanks, TIL.
Jacktheforkie@reddit
Yw
knightOfEnder0n@reddit
Just g t some neodymium magnets and fuck shit up just remove them after it breaks .
Tinker107@reddit
I may or may not have used a stun gun on a VGA port at one time. You may or may not want to use a wire for direct connection to avoid telltale burn marks.
livenature@reddit
Unplug display cable from computer. Zap the connector pins with a static gun several times. Insert display cable back into the computer. Test to verify if repair action worked. If repair fails, repeat all steps until the repair is completed
Ivantherapp2@reddit
Piss disc in the vents, burns the fan right out.
1234asdf567@reddit
You have to break in at night and destroy everything. There is no other choice, break everything
Alert_Cress_388@reddit
Why stop there? I heard the carpet sucks too, might as well burn it down
Fragglesnot@reddit
What about unplugging it, and then hitting the power prongs with a taser?
oldsdrvr@reddit
Plug them into a higher voltage source. 120volt plug into 240 volt source ie. Monitor plug into clothes dryer plug. Diy adapter, don't touch bare copper while energized IT WILL KILL YOU. Have fire extinguisher handy it may start a fire
Frequent-Walrus-1832@reddit
Grab a cheap extension cord or something you can cut the plug and wire off of. Strip the end of that wire to make a dead mans wire (careful with this obviously). Stuff that in the video input side of the monitor. Poof! Cooked.
Either that or grab a cheap 120v to 240v step up transformer and a cheap 120v outlet, open it up and wire in the normal 120v outlet to the 240v output side of the transformer. Plug in the monitor to that.
VitalEcho@reddit
I like how everyone else is like, "fuck around with a paperclip in a port til it stops working", but you went straight to "fuck with a transformer and dead man's wires".
Frequent-Walrus-1832@reddit
You think this is a GAME
BenjaBoy28@reddit
Magnet. Use a magnet
madriverdog@reddit
a few squirts of salt water goes a long way....
kanakamaoli@reddit
Put a potted plant on a hook above the monitor. Keep water the plant until the water overflows the pot and drips into the monitor. Bonus points if you do it Friday afternoon and discover it on monday.
TwoScoopsOfTrash@reddit
Hear me out .
Piss disc .
Mr_Gaslight@reddit
Powdered conductive material.
freckleandahalf@reddit
Mageeeeettnneertt on the screeen
freckleandahalf@reddit
Magnettttt
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Buy a mouse and train it to chew through crucial wires, maybe even poop on certain vents or where it smells certain smells. Set it free once it's training is complete. Bonus points if you spray the poop scent mouse is trained to use on boss's desk or office snitch.
Banananana215@reddit
Just put a lighter or something to the screen or bend the fuck out of the pins for what I assume are vga cables (fuck up the dvi ones too).
yumstheman@reddit
Use a USB Killer. All you need to do is plug it into the monitor via the USB port and activate the device. The device looks just like a thumb drive so you don’t even need to hide while you do it. It will fry the monitor in a way no normal IT department would ever be able to detect. I would make sure to unplug your computer from the monitor before attempting this however to ensure there’s no surge transfer.
Jacktheforkie@reddit
Are the cables hanging down behind the desk? Catch the cable a few times and there’s a chance the ports become damaged, especially something like VGA where it screws in
Cr4nky-the-Dwarf@reddit
Use acetone or something like that to "clean" your screen, honest mistake but it will chew at the plastic layer. The monitor will be cloudy and not fixable...
Or proceed to drop it badly for any reason you can find... "had to pull the desk out of the way, dropped monitor on that unfortunately placed angled and hard thing right next to it"
Salty water wreck havoc on electronics otherwise
oh_no3000@reddit
Have a menty b at work and throw the thing out the window. Free 6 weeks off for work related stress too.
donuthing@reddit
You might end up with even worse monitors
StooveGroove@reddit
Brand new Alibaba widescreens. Viewing angle is a negative number.
Nah, just kidding. Corporate America will get you a brand new bottom of the barrel Acer that they paid $500 for.
Atillion@reddit
How covertly can you work with them? I would attack the power or video cable input ports.
There are a lot of different power/video standards, so.. If it's the old PC Power cable port, take some pliers and bend the prongs of the power port until they break off short.
Jam paper clips into the video ports (if they're VGA/DVI) or jam a screwdriver up into a Display Port or HDMI port and twist a little to start gently breaking things.
Bright_Crazy1015@reddit
Right, just grab the cord and pry open the connector with the male end, then rip it out. 😆
I've spent way too long trying to keep old stuff running to envision this without wincing.
A little Allen key or stuff paper clip will make short work of an HDMI port if you're pretending to try to plug it back in. Just screw up the pins and shove the cord into the connector bending them all to sh!t.
NS4701@reddit
Why can't you just ask for new monitors? Why do you have to destroy them?
HerfDog58@reddit
Are you allowed to clean them with Windex or a cleaner in a spary bottle? I can see how missing the screen and spraying the power supply might be catastrophic...
Since you can't have open topped liquids, what about a liquid saturated cloth/paper towel. Little squeeze over a vent hole, liquid into the components...bet all the blue smoke escapes.
Not that I'm recommending or advocating for either - just hypothesizing.
tico_liro@reddit
If they have those external power supplies, like some monitors do, swap that out to one with same connector. Ideally you'd want something with a higher voltage, but lower voltage would work fine. This is not instant, so it could take a little bit to break the monitor. Extra tip to make this even stealthier, once you fuck up the monitor, swap back the right power supply, so they wouldn't suspect a thing if they were to check it
Deathglass@reddit
Yeah, break the pins.
SXTY82@reddit
LCD? pinch the screen in the corner until you hear a crack. Then clean of the finger prints and turn it on.
Thoarxius@reddit
I've heard LCD screen don't do well being exposed to UV. No clue if that's true but it sounds like a strong uv-light might help
YoussGm3o8@reddit
Look at a tutorial on how to overclock a monitor. Use CRU to set the refresh rate to higher than 60, like 90 or more. If the monitor doesn't have a refresh rate check/limiter then set the refresh rate to the highest that works and just continue on like normal.
The monitor chip should burn out soon enough or something. Or it would get artifacts.
6hooks@reddit
How handy are you? Can you build your own dc power adapter to a 20V drill battery?
Temporal-Call-2342@reddit
With old monitors like that, they might not work with a newer computer.
If somehow a couple of wires got stuck in the fans inside the cabinet, the computer might not be long for this world.
A terrible thing, but accidents happen.
Franzy1025@reddit
So what you’re gonna wanna do. Piss in a frisbee. Freeze em, put em on top of the monitors when you leave work. Boom. Done. All ruined
AdImmediate9569@reddit
One time we had to replace a shared computer at my job. It wad a relatively new imac so IT was surprised and one of the guys was trying to troubleshoot what presented as a fan issue. When he took the machine apart someone had jammed dozens of unfolded paperclips into the vent holes in front of the fan.
The oddest part was they seemed to have done it from boredom. It was a great computer so no reason to break it. At best it would be replaced with the same model. It was a shared computer in a space where people spent a lot of time waiting around…
Anyway could try that. Its so stupid that no one was ever blamed
vivalicious16@reddit
Burn something in the microwave to turn on the sprinklers and then the sprinklers ruin them?
Herms_student101@reddit
This is very funny, and the answers are excellent 😂
TanagraTours@reddit
Like graphite, iron filings are conductive. A small drop of saline (contact lens solution) is also conductive. Any of these can cause an electrical fire.
Someone who is very good with tools can directly access important electronics without leaving tool marks.
If they have firmware, well... screwing up onboard firmware by interrupting an update might work. Or installing the wrong firmware.
I've heard of laser pointers burning out pixels.
sweetnsouravocado@reddit
Break off the graphics ports using the installed cable
budaiKevin@reddit
Magnet?
Jazzlike_Visual2160@reddit
You can fake a seizure. Then get a fake doctor to write a note saying that the computer screen caused the seizure. They will be forced to get you a better monitor because of ADA rules and then the other people in the office will complain and they will eventually replace them all.
Charlie24601@reddit
Control + Alt + Arrow key. Make the screen rotate 90 degrees. People have so many problems trying to fix that they'll probably just replace them.
SneeKeeFahk@reddit
IT will 100% know how to fix that. Also that's only for the computer connected to it. If they connect anything else to it it'll work fine.
MorteEtDabo@reddit
Lmfao this is the most "I know nothing about computers" answer I've ever seen
Charlie24601@reddit
You'd be surprised just how worthless an IT dept can be....or how completely missing.
Depends on the business of course.
zomgitsduke@reddit
Broken/worn input ports can cause a monitor to no longer work and it is really hard to prove that you bent them.
UltimaCaitSith@reddit
Their replacement policy means that there's probably already a couple of messed up cables. Unused offices and storage cabinets are just repositories for broken tech.
genxfarm@reddit
magnets
humpejang@reddit
As graphite is conductive, drop one or two pencil tips, or one of these long 0,5mm mechanical pencil leads inside when it is on... Or grind the lead and drop it through the openings ...
Far-Street9848@reddit
Im pretty sure a little spray bottle of water at your desk could be used sparingly and in a way that might short a monitor out that would be fairly hard to track. Bonus points if you have a small plant at your desk that you use it to water.
rufireproof3d@reddit
If it has the old style connector, step one is to unscrew the connector, and put red loctite on the screw. Step 2 is to set something heavy and sharp on the cable. Alternatively, use something like the saw blade on a Leatherman to cut the cable. Make sure you are carving on the data cable. You don't want to "feel the tingle" from cutting the power cable. Also, make sure the PC and monitor are powered off when you do it.The saw works better than a knife or wire cutter because, if you do it right, it will look like a rodent chewed it. Bonus points if you drop a few chocolate sprinkles around the office.
If you can't do that because of witnesses, and you have an old CRT monitor, you can kill it by running faster than the native sync rate. Old distros of Linux would sometimes do that by accident. You need to know your monitor sync rate. You can Google that with the model number of your monitor. Just don't Google it on a company network, because they can see that, even with incognito mode.
A third option, that won't get you fired is to buy donuts and coffee for the IT team as a bribe. As an IT guy, I whole heartedly endorse this option.
Ok-Palpitation2401@reddit
No open beverages? Few drops through the top slot once in a while will definitely not make it last longer. Without obvious spill no one will investigate why it died.
kcco_pyrate2017@reddit
Magnets across the screen used to work idk about now.
Take plug out break a pin or two replace plug.
Piddy3825@reddit
We had a similar issue at work, so we had the bright idea to hang plants over the monitors. We then overwatered those plants to the point the water began leaking from the planters and dripped right down into the monitors which eventually shorted out. We got new monitors but as a result were forbidden to have live plants in the office. A tradeoff that was definitely worth it!
No_Address687@reddit
One way to do it without obvious sabotage is to use a lighter or small butane torch to cook one of the components on one of the circuit boards. Wear rubber gloves and open ONE of the monitors up (unplug power/monitor cables & turn off computer) and then put the monitor back together. Tell your boss or IT that it doesn't work and smells burnt, so you shut everything down and disconnected it. Hopefully they replace all of your monitors since they are the same age, but I wouldn't suggest it yourself since that will look sus.
Obviously witnesses and cameras will be a factor, so you may have to come in early or stay late and then "discover" the problem at a later time/date.
Glum_Improvement7283@reddit
Bonus for The Office material
ivazquez71@reddit
Just throw them on the ground!
Affectionate-Try-224@reddit
If they are the REALLY old monitors, like the CRT-esque TV monitors that weigh the earth, just perch one near the ledge of the desk like you are having trouble seeing it and need to pull it closer, let it fall on your hand, then threaten and/or file workmen's comp and claim it sprained something, nearly broke your hand, etc. And I bet your HR/Legal dept will have everyone sporting new thin monitors real fucking fast.
JohnLef@reddit
Spill water or coffee on them by accident...
16-Bit_Degenerate@reddit
Literally says in the post they cannot do that.
JohnLef@reddit
Yeah I didn't read that far... my bad