Neurodivergent X-ers
Posted by Master-S@reddit | GenX | View on Reddit | 75 comments
Hello fellow X-ers.
Ever notice that kids today seem to have more mental health issue than what he had?
E.g. Going through grade school in the late 70s/early 80s - autism wasn’t even a thing back then (AFAIK). Looking back, there were a few kids in my classes that would’ve gotten an autism diagnosis (or some kind of neurodivergent label) going by what we know now (but didn’t because no such screening existed). Unfortunately some were targeted, hazed and bullied - but I digress.
I have a genx sibling whom I believe has some neurodivergence but was never diagnosed and today lives a rather dysfunctional lifestyle because of it. Looking back, the signs were there from a young age. But it was a different time, and they were never screened.
And those with adult diagnosis: Do you feel you could have been helped more or had a better trajectory or life outcome if you would have been diagnosed in childhood? Wondering how different things would be for my sibling with earlier intervention.
LifeBeginsAtTheHop@reddit
Holy crap, this hits hard.
I struggled mightily through school, had difficultly with work, and generally never "got" people. It led me to a very creative career that I was terrific at but stifled my progress because I didn't understand interpersonal networking.
I didn't get diagnosed with level 1 autism (fka aspergers) until last year...at age 55. I don't remember growing up with a single person my age that was ever tagged as "autistic". They just lumped the poor neuro-spicy sods into Special Ed classes and forgot about them. I really don't know which would have been a worse fate; the struggle to maintain that I accepted as my life, or the social dismissal of being "mentally unacceptable". Ahhh, the 70s and 80s.
I will say that, at this semi-advanced age, the knowledge of my unconventional hypothalamus brings me relief and calm that I never thought I'd experience. Life is great, and I understand perfectly how to work within my parameters. I do not know that it would have been the same, were I diagnosed at a young age. Back then, no one could have counseled me to have the understanding I have now. I almost consider this new insight and personal empowerment a gift for the years of difficulty that led here. I'm sad about the many losses I took over the years, but I can look back at them in a different light now.
Im sorry...what was the question?
Master-S@reddit (OP)
Thanks for sharing. I’m very close in age to you and don’t even remember hearing the word “autistic” until the movie Rain Man. And then it just seemed to mean savants that were profoundly disabled but had some off the chart talent in one area.
Curious, what caused you to seek a diagnosis-assessment? Sounds like the diagnosis has been a good thing for you and given you relief and insight.
LifeBeginsAtTheHop@reddit
Wow, did you just open up an "overshare" portal.
My personal struggles throughout my life led to the dissolution of important relationships, a loss of my career, and a realization that I had little control over my anxiety and meltdowns. My incredibly patient (now) wife gave me a soft landing and helped me into a therapists office. We recounted my childhood, and I discussed my father being alternately closed off and randomly violent with his own meltdowns. This led to a diagnosis of CPTSD and some support. But I quickly realized that this diagnosis, and subsequent therapies, didn't properly address my behaviors and idiosyncracies. I was still struggling with, among other things, loud sounds, general discomfort, a sense of overwhelm (especially in social situations), and little tics i had established over the years.
Then, someone appeared in my Instagram feed, describing very similar things and praising their newfound ASD assessment. I sat with my wife and took the raads-r that night. It was a much higher score than either of us expected. So, I scheduled an appointment with neuropsych at Kaiser and explained what I had found. The doctor asked me to take it again with him, and the result was within two points of what I had originally scored. When he described the symptoms and characteristics of ASD, the puzzle of my life suddenly became complete, like I had moved the sofa and found the pieces of sky and barn that were missing. "OH! This is a puzzle of a farm, not a desert!", I metaphorically thought.
Then, he laid this out for me..."How many of the questions in this assessment could you see your father responding to in the same way?"
Holy, shit. My dad, last of 13 children born to a man who, himself, was born in 1890, was the root of my Tiz Tree. Suddenly, HIS life made sense. The stories of bullying and getting into trouble for just being a kid (he thought), the years of chasing around the country with a small family in search of solid ground (but never finding it), and the (what I now know are) stims he constantly displayed, took him from a scary mystery to a fractured child. It was like someone turned on the internal patience fountain within me and flooded me with a calm and freedom that I had never known. My relationship with my father was immediately different. All of those years of yearning for safety, normality, and security were realized in that moment. I got me; I got him.
Now, I've taken all of those tools I learned over the years and measure my efforts against my limitations. When I apply patience, I find that I can do more now than I ever could, and I rarely get caught up in overwhelming situations. I can navigate with truth all of things that I used to plow through with masking. As an older, more confident adult, I can explain myself in honest ways that help others understand me. Life is good.
Thanks for asking. 😀
Master-S@reddit (OP)
Wow - that's one of the most interesting thing I've read in quite some time! Thanks for sharing that. If I read it right - your own diagnosis gave you clarity and relief about yourself -- but may have also led you to the conclusion that maybe your could also have similar neurodiversity. Great for you that you have gained this clarity.
As I understand, autism is present from birth and may genetic/hereditary. Sounds like this clarity has even helped improve your relationship with your dad. Now I'm curious if you've shared your diagnosis with your dad and have shared your insights about what may be his own neurodiversity? I imagine he's likely in his 80s.. imagine getting an ASD diagnosis in that stage of life. If you have kids -- have they shown any indicators? Sorry to be so nosey - but it's fascinating
legobatmanlives@reddit
That was me. Got labeled as 'gifted' when I was 8. Never did well in school; I would ace the test but never did any homework. Never really fit in with any social groups. I eventually found something that works for me and I have done well for myself and my family.
Still, I wish I knew then what was up.
LifeBeginsAtTheHop@reddit
"...ace the test, but never did any homework."
Preach!
Fun-Distribution-159@reddit
Yeah I got shuffled to those classes too.
Master-S@reddit (OP)
I've entertained the idea of getting an assessment but have not acted on it... would you ever consider that for yourself?
legobatmanlives@reddit
I've thought of it many times. But, unless there is some benefit to having an official diagnosis, I'll probably never get around to it.
RevereTheAughra@reddit
Typically a diagnosis would be helpful if you are unhappy with some aspect of things you do and want to change something. The benefit is more information about yourself and what may or may not help you live a fulfilling life. It could mean you make a lifestyle change or take a particular med, but at the very least it's a way of helping you understand why you do a particular thing. In your case it seems like a diagnosis would help you understand more about your childhood, but that may or may not be helpful for you now. Good luck to you!
Door_Number_Four@reddit
I am actually happy that they didn’t. I would have been thrown down The Long Dark Hallway that was the county’s special ed wing, housed in our elementary school.
Instead, I got thrown into to the “T” of G&T programs, and that led to a strong academic career.
I heard from women that I dated , even back in college(never date psych majors, kids!) that they were sure I was on the spectrum. After going through some testing after a divorce , turns out I’m not , just had a very weird early childhood.
Now, I watch my kid’s school, and it seems like a lot of administrators looking for things to do/ reasons to have a job, and I think they over-diagnose. Maybe these things are cyclical.
Consistent-Waltz3540@reddit
The process to get a ND diagnosis for kids is not simple and it is medical and psychological. No teacher diagnoses ADHD. Medical providers do a ton of forms and an exam and an interrogation.
A 504/IEP plan is complicated.
It takes medical reports and forms and every teacher has to do a consult. It takes months. It is work. It is done by a school psychologist or a private psychologist. Parents have to work on it for a long time. It is only easy if your kid has next to zero accommodations/conditions.
Administration at schools helps with this process Zero. One administration person attends one final meeting on this huge project.
Unless you consider the school psychologist part of the administration.. the administration does not one thing to contribute to ADHD diagnosis.
Parents and mental health and medical providers do the work.
These are real disabilities and teachers do next to nothing to increase its diagnosis. They are asked to fill out a 5 minute report for the one class the middle school kid attends. One class out of 8.
Literally every thing you said is not accurate.
A lack of empathy and emotional range is a symptom of ND.
Some people who lack empathy and emotional range get sent in for diagnostics when they are not ND, they are just mean.
Door_Number_Four@reddit
My son goes to a large public school district.
When he was younger, he had behavioral issues. We had him screened, and being where we are, took him to the doctor that literally helped design the test used to screen younger kids for ASD.
Fast forward a year, and we we going to transfer him into public school. We had his testing and diagnosis….and ran into someone on the IEP review board that wanted to diagnose him as ASD after observing him over Zoom for 15 minutes. Refused to have him in a normal classroom.
We had to bring in the initial doctor, who put her credentials on the table. Questioned the professionalism of diagnosing a kid over such a short period of time, let alone over Zoom.
My kid was admitted, and is doing well four years on.
So please, don’t tell me my experience isn’t valid.
Consistent-Waltz3540@reddit
Schools do not diagnose anyone
They opine
Not diagnose
So there is your distinction
A teacher is not credentialed to diagnose anyone with anything other than a bad grade
You ran into someone who opined and made an idiot of themselves.
Not diagnostic
You did the RIGHT THING and used a real medical diagnosis to rebut the idiot opinion.
That is not the same and diagnostics against diagnosis.
And your experience is valid
but your child was not remotely diagnosed by a teacher or school officer on Zoom
Your son was insulted over Zoom and it sounds like you were lied to
Very different
IEP board is not a diagnostic board that happens upon kids and diagnoses them with medical conditions
They are an administrative review board and that is all.
Why these people try to convince you that they hold all manner of powers that they do not... is absolutely insane
These people lied to you abd diagnosed not one single diagnosis
They should be ashamed of themselves
Yeesh this is bad.
Sorry they treated you like crap and lied to you
They had no way to diagnose anything for your child because teachers and admin don't diagnose.
Medical diagnosis require psychiatrist or psychologist or medical credentials
Phd is the smallest degree in this list
Even an NP is a masters level.
Sad that this happened to you
Sadder that they wanted to convince you they had the authority to diagnose your child
The lady who works at the 7 Eleven has the same level of authority to diagnose a child, let alone your child...so none
They messed with your life
tragicsandwichblogs@reddit
The problem here is that both of you are right. It is often incredibly hard to get a child assessed and then get appropriate supports, AND ALSO too many children are misidentified as needing interventions because of racism, classism, and other reasons.
My daughter's autism eligibility is incredibly clear. She's been in a special day class for the past eight years. There also are a lot of signs that she may be dyslexic. We have been trying to get the district (also a large one) to assess her for six years, and they keep coming up with reasons why they can't. Every one of those reasons is either a clear failure of the testing protocol or straight-out BS. This year they just stopped responding to emails about it.
guy_n_cognito_tu@reddit
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8042533/
Neurodivergent disorders like ADHD and autism are being grossly over diagnosed. The definitions have also been grossly expanded since our childhood, causing a dramatic increase in diagnoses. You can get diagnosed for both via a teledoc that you never meet, who will then be more than happy to prescribe you medicine for your "issue".
Everyone nowadays is looking for someone or something to blame for why their life isn't perfect
Consistent-Waltz3540@reddit
I know right?!
Same thing with cancer. So much more cancer these days, so it must be fake.
Like "everyone" is getting diagnosed early and often so obviously it is some sort of conspiracy.
Smaller cancers are found early so the whole concept of cancer is grossly expanded.
Prior generations thought being gay was very rare.
Being queer is not rare.
When the stigma of prior generations finally drops off, people don't have to hide who they are anymore and they don't have to be ashamed to get medical care for themselves and their family.
So medical care for ND is up....
Pandering in stigma and judgement shuts the door for people to just have a nice life.
Wanting a nice life is a good thing.
Leave the kids alone.
guy_n_cognito_tu@reddit
Friend, your mild inability to focus isn't, in any way imaginable, comparable to cancer. The idea that you used that as your little "gotcha" shows how out of touch some of you have gotten.
Consistent-Waltz3540@reddit
You cannot even understand and maybe you need a diagnosis.
Cancer is more diagnosed than it was in 1960.
ADHD is more diagnosed than it was in 1960
Medical technology and diagnostics are better than 1960
When people acquire new ways to see things, like glasses, or intelligence
They see better
And if you understood analogies
You could understand analogies
You obviously do not
You are probably not smart
Or hyper focused
OR remotely educated on neurodivergent people who are highly intelligent and not patient with your neolithic level of intellect
or reading comprehension at a 2nd grade level
Funny thing about the neurodivergent community
They are all running the world because they own it.
you can't understand how an analogy reads or works
Or perhaps English is not your best language and that would explain it
But all in all... Analogous concepts for analytics and diagnostics are not remotely what you assume they are
I hope you are 7 and you go back to watching Teletubbies and eating crayons
This is not your fight little one
You aren't equipped for it
dethb0y@reddit
The most incredible mental health experience I ever had in my life is as follows:
I went to my doctor. he said "I want to do a quick diagnostic for depression." I said "sure" he asked 4 questions. I said yes to one. He prescribed me an SSRI (which i politely accepted, took once, then never again)
6 years later i was at the new doctor who saw my file. They said "i want to re-assess your depression." i said "Sure" they asked me 3 questions, i, this tie, said "no" to all of them, they declared me not depressed.
Billed my insurance both times for a "mental health consultation".
guy_n_cognito_tu@reddit
While I have overall respect for the medical profession, they aren't immune from fads, mistakes, and overcorrections. The medical community is starting to wake up to the reality that they're over diagnosing nuerodivergence, but it will be a few years before the tide turns.
Consistent-Waltz3540@reddit
COVID allowed adults to get online diagnostics for ND.
Kids still had to go in person
Kids didn't get meds because all the adults with online college were online getting scripts for stimulants
Kids with actual need for meds could not get them.
COVID ere medical care is shutting down.
Result: kids who tell the truth and have actual ND are still struggling to get supply of meds they need
Because: grown ass adults want legal speed and they will research all the symptoms and lie to doctors to get it
And it has so little do to with actual ND
Consistent-Waltz3540@reddit
It was on you to communicate and you passively took meds.
Not a flex.
starrycacti@reddit
What’s your take on it? Are you depressed? And if so, why not try meds if other recovery attempts haven’t worked? They can be very helpful for some.
dethb0y@reddit
I am in fact not depressed and never have been, in my entire life.
starrycacti@reddit
So frustrating, then, that they even did an assessment and charged your insurance for it. Pisses me off.
dethb0y@reddit
welcome to modern medicine.
Bill_maaj1@reddit
I agree with this. They want to label everyone.
stillfather@reddit
I definitely wish I had known, and that my Southern Baptist tiger mom had known. I have paid a price. And maybe I'd have become a parent sooner in life and my child's neurodivergence wouldn't be so spicy.
tragicsandwichblogs@reddit
I have ADHD and probably am autistic and I wouldn't have been diagnosed as having either back then because I am female.
Those aren't mental health issues, BTW. Plenty of neurological differences have nothing to do with mental illness.
I can remember one classmate who was intellectually disabled. I don't know what his diagnosis was then, or what it would be today. Some years we went to the same school and for at least one year he went to another school and then transferred back.
As the mother of a child with an IEP today, I can only imagine how hard his parents must have fought back then to get him the education he was entitled to.
Diagnostic criteria have changed. Fewer people are automatically institutionalized. Health care has improved. More neurodivergent people live longer and have more access to general society.
There's a long way to go, but hopefully children and adults who can get supports today will be better off in the future than those who couldn't get them 50 years ago. Or 30 years ago.
Elleseebee928@reddit
I was diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder 2 years ago and I wish I'd been diagnosed with it 30 years ago. Would have made my life so much easier
Mysterious_Main_5391@reddit
It's because they are handed a trendy diagnosis as a free pass. It's justified them not having to fit into society. Used to be you doing your niche or existed outside. People's today don't want a pillow society, so they kicked everyone out.
MonkeyWrenchAccident@reddit
I was definitely that adhd, add, hyper active, unfocused kid. I was that kid was always doing something else when i should not have been. My report cards all had comments like "needs to stop acting animal like in class". "Needs to stop growing at the other students.". "Needs to stop questioning authority figures". And so on.
Now I wasn't a bad kid. Everything i did that was disruptive was innocent stuff. I was always honest and have been an avid reader from an early age so i always did well on tests and assignments. But i definitely didn't understand emotionally charged social situations, or why I shouldn't correct the teacher, or ask the teacher questions conflicting with their lesson.
When i hit my teen years I did a complete 180, and was calm and collected, very zen. Still went all out crazy in sports, and i was still told i had a problem with authority. My teen years i learned to hyper focus on things instead of bouncing off the walls all the time. I was introduced to Monty Python and tend see daily life play out as python sketch in my head. To this day I am always chuckling as my brain turns regular conversations into silly voices doing wacky things.
As an adult i have done well. I lead a small team, i troubleshoot problems, i am one of the go to people to resolve issues. People still tell me i have problems with authority, to which i respond that I don't, my problems are with stupidity at any level including those in authority. And i still have a hard time with some social interactions. I still cannot read into emotionally charged situations well, and my tendency to take things that are said literally cause awkward situations. My wife has learned she needs to be direct and clear with me, because i can not read a room. I love her for that since it takes stress out of having to guess what is going on. It helps with miscommunication and i encourage her to talk to me about everything to keep our relationship positive.
I am glad i was never medicated. Kids in the family are medicated and feel they are not getting to be kids or learn to direct their energy. I feel bad for my nieces and nephews, since i see their struggles with the meds.
ghostofstankenstien@reddit
"Neurodivergent" was treated by a slap to the back of the head and the gentle advice "SHUT UP, SIT DOWN, PAY ATTENTION"
Master-S@reddit (OP)
With the teacher shouting your last name for extra humiliation.
sophisticatedcorndog@reddit
Or moving your desk out of your shared desk group and making you sit alone at the back of the room to shame you.
sophisticatedcorndog@reddit
Neurodivergence runs in my family and I remember having all kinds of tests done at school as a kid around 7 or 8 in the 80’s. They ended up labeling me as having an IQ of 140 and put me in the GATE program. Looking back I wonder if those tests were made to sift out the neurodivergent students. Although I was labeled as smart, I frequently got the “inattentive” box checked on my report cards. One of my teachers told my mom medication might help me and my mom was offended because as a teacher herself she thought only “the bad kids” are on Ritalin for acting up in class and I was an A student otherwise.
There definitely used to be more of a stigma around labeling students as neurodivergent on their record and I think a lot of educators saw it as something that only affected the more rowdy hyper active students that were less privileged.
WhoMe28332@reddit
Opinion: For the X% who have issues which make it nearly impossible for them to function in a traditional environment the present situation is far better.
For the (far larger) Y% who need to be forcefully pushed to fit into the mold so they can succeed in life things were better in our day.
Bardamu911@reddit
I was undiagnosed ADHD as a kid, 100% certain, and used to be pissed that nobody recognized it and put me on meds or something but now I realize that the tools I developed as a result, wether they were effective in the moment or not, made me into the person I am today which has worked out for me. I'm far more resilient as an adult than I would have been without struggling through those years.
missblissful70@reddit
There was a young man in my high school classes who literally couldn’t stop moving for one second. I have no idea what, if anything, was done for him, but I have great empathy for him now that I have raised my ADHD son.
FailureFulcrim@reddit
Possibly the first acknowledgement I heard of something other than stupid or retarded was a kid like this being referred to as Hyperactive.
Major-Discount5011@reddit
School was so much different when we were young. Now, they're always concerned with liability. Parents are right up the schools asses now. When I was going, my parents had no idea what my school was called tbh. High-school for sure. Every kid has a label in a school. Every class has an allotment of kids with special needs. There's certain amount of teachers per student and special educators per class. Everything is out in the open now.
TheUknownPoster@reddit
The plus to it is that now, the non-divergent kids see other forms of thoughts and personalities as they would have been typically exposed too. Alas private schools are still stuck in the 70/80s model.
TheUknownPoster@reddit
Echoing the others here. I am ND, and yes, it was the punishment if you didn't mask it. We were called ADD, Spaz's, Retards, because paying attention the way others did was simply not possible. I tested remarkably well in every class, BUT I got terrible grades due to "not paying attention." In my mind, I was, "Why listen to your boring presentation when I already read the assignment? I already have the knowledge you'd like me to get. I got 90-100s on almost all the finals but a C- in the class due to 'attention issues' all my adolescence. In Uni, I got a 3.95 GPA because I picked the classes I wanted and had some f*cking incentive.
Childhood was simply a miserable chore unless I was on Ritalin, and then it was a mind fog of a day where, Oddly, I got worse scores but better grades? Suck in the school experience for an ND person in the 70s/80s.
Use_this_1@reddit
I have ADHD, SPD and am most likely on the spectrum. My untreated undiagnosed conditions have led to depression, anxiety, and full-blown alcoholism. I'm medicated and sober now so am on a good path now, but I'm 54 and I would have been a lot better off had I been treated 45 years ago. We all know ADHD wasn't a thing when we were kids and by the time it was it was only kids and not adults.
I was always the difficult child, I talked too much, I asked too many questions, and I didn't fit in anywhere, I was weird. I think I could have thrived had I had the resources I do now. I have a severe lack of self-worth, crippling social anxiety and am finally getting therapy to help with those issues plus my drinking.
My parents are slowly starting to realize I wasn't the problem growing, I was just different. Sadly, my brother's kid has ADHD, and he doesn't believe in it like our folks didn't, he thinks she's just a bad kid, I try to help but I'm kept away from her because they don't want me "encouraging" her bad behavior. It really sucks because I know she too could thrive if allowed to access resources that are available too her.
Consistent-Waltz3540@reddit
Many AA members were self medicating ADHD and it is not even subtle. In Al Anon, there are a lot of family members acknowledging that addiction started while their loved one was trying to manage their own limits.
One of the main reasons I got care for my kids ADHD was researching and lived experiences:
ADHD kids who go untreated are much more likely to have problems with addiction and regrettable sexual behaviors.
My kids thanked me profusely the first month they had meds. Suddenly school was easier and people were nicer. The edges of their behavior that made it difficult to make friends were gone.
Treatment for ADHD allows kids to be their true self...with the brains acting on the lower RPMs.
Parents who scapegoat them as bad kids are blaming the child for behaviors that come from impulses the kid did NOT choose. No one chooses to sneeze and no one gets blamed for sneezing. But ADHD kids are somehow punished for their "sneezes" because the parents don't understand and never will.
It's no wonder ADHD is a precursor to addiction... and bad choices... Parents like these can't possibly make the connections that ADHD is not the essence of their child..
ADHD is a disability.
For people who genuinely struggle with ADHD in higher degrees, it is obvious they are not choosing it.
Anyone who is convinced that their child needs more punishment to deal with ADHD is playing their guitar with no strings.
RevereTheAughra@reddit
that sounds like a lot to handle. You keep supporting to your niece, though, by listening and being empathetic. She will appreciate you when she's older.
"encouraging her bad behavior," smh. ridiculous.
ryamanalinda@reddit
I may or may not be nuerodivergent. I do know that I have mental health issues that wasn't diagnosed until my earlyv30's. I was prone to temper tantrums and violent outbursts. "Everyone" hated me, or so I thought. Ibwas that kid that never did homework, bit always passed tests woth flying colors. Alway 99 percentile on the standardized tests. I did just enough homework to have a "c" average". I was always yelled at for not meeting my potential.
I have been digsnosed woth both bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I never had kids because mostly I was afraid I would abuse them. I have found the best way for me to cope and not be an asshole and not hurt the ones that I love is to keep everyone at bay.
I haven't been in a relationship in over 20 years. I dont have friends that I hang out with, because something they do pisses me off, which is at least 90 percent of the time a ME problem. I do have my family that supports me in spirit, but overall we don't "talk".
Yeah we visit amd talk about this and that but not "talk". 4 of my siblings are boomer generation (but not actually "boomers" and 2 are gen x. We are all more or less emotionally closed off, but we all hang out.
I get some activity at work. I am not an introvert and I would guess that the way I interact woth people that they assume I am a fun and social butterfly. I don't, but again, I insulate others from MY toxicity, because I don't want to be known as an asshole or Karen or whatever I would be called.
Sometimes I wonder how much better my life would be if I had the help I needed when I was younger.
silkrover@reddit
Fuck, yes. My teachers and my parents have a lot to answer for.
copperfrog42@reddit
My oldest child is almost a carbon copy of me. When they got diagnosed as adhd as a child, we didn't medicate, just started giving caffeine to help them with focusing. Now they are an adult and a few years ago a psychiatrist recommended we find someone who knew more about autism. That got me thinking, if they have this, then I might too. Then my mom gave me a book, "Unmasking Autism ", I felt like some of the anecdotes were talking about me. I haven't been officially diagnosed, but it's pretty clear that I am neurodivergent. I was always the weird, gifted kid in school so yeah, it makes sense.
AnyaSatana@reddit
Diagnosed with ADHD 5 years ago. My life would have been so much different if I'd known when I was younger. Many of us go through a grieving process when newly diagnosed, about the life we could have had, but we can achieve things in spite of it. It's made me very determined, and I'm generally happy with who I am. It's the systems of the world at large that are weird, not me.
I want the ND kids and young people to have better experiences than I did, and I'm hopefully able to effect some positive changes in my job (at a university).
sugarlump858@reddit
I'm getting tested soon. I don't know if early testing would have helped. Maybe it would have kept my family from bullying me so much for being different.
I learned to navigate society, but it would have been nice if society had more understanding about ND people. My son is ND, and I don't see him functioning easily.
LibertyMike@reddit
I was diagnosed as "hyperactive" (a.k.a ADHD) as a kid, but have learned how to deal with it as an adult. I still get easily distracted, but now I recognize it and try to intentionally course correct.
Our grandkids all seem to have "issues". When we watch them, I sometimes employ "tough love." I'm not mean, but I also don't coddle them.
Don't like what we made for breakfast/lunch/dinner? Fine, you can wait until the next meal. Is one of your siblings doing something to annoy you? Figure it out yourselves. They actually seem to be much more well behaved and have fewer issues when they're with us than when they're at home. There's something about adversity & responsibility that seems to bring about maturity.
17megahertz@reddit
It took a few years to realize I'm glad I was not diagnosed adhd as a child. (Was diagnosed at 55.)
If I had been, my childhood would have been endless taunts about it from my unkind Boomer sisters, frequent "knowing glances" from my family, and talking over me with the "Well, you know she does that because of her adhd..." all of which would have made me feel terrible/worse about myself.
Add to that the adhd medication only works briefly for me before major side effects. Then stopping it physically awful. It would've been the same as a kid, but I wouldn't have had the language to explain that or understand it. Because those drugs don't work well for me, i likely wouldn't have been able to accomplish much more than I have already.
Still if I had a magic wand, I'd get rid of it now; it's difficult to deal with.
Leftylady79@reddit
At 12 I wrote a paper about suicide and “won” the contest to be published in the school newspaper. No one thought to question why I wrote a very detailed “story”.
Growing up I refused to wear tight pants, like jeans. I would only wear cotton elastic waistband ones. My shirts could only be cotton and solid colors. I remember fighting my parents about this since I was 7 or so.
There were multiple issues never questioned. And we turned out just fine 🙄
mike___mc@reddit
My family tree is riddled with people who are classic ADHD as well as being on the spectrum. We just didn’t know what to call it.
ugly_tst@reddit
Unfortunately there was a label for it and it was retard.
DumbScotus@reddit
I feel like when I was a kid, “retarded” specifically referred to people with Down Syndrome. It would be used as a slur for other kids of course, but only situationally. Kids who I now recognize as having had ADHD or autism were usually just called weirdo or geek or whatever.
BillionTonsHyperbole@reddit
It's the equivalent of assigning death to "natural causes." Used to be so common before we had the tech and the knowledge to be more specific.
Bill_maaj1@reddit
Pretty sure I have had ADHD all my life. I was never diagnosed. I feel it has helped me, especially in the military, because I could multitask like crazy.
slade797@reddit
I was telling my wife about some of my childhood behaviors and experiences. She’s an LCSW, and she said, “You know you’re on the spectrum, right? Like, that’s classic ASD behavior and ideation.”
She’s right.
I’m also a mental health therapist, just never noticed.
That’s it, that’s the post.
Master-S@reddit (OP)
Wow so did you get a formal ASD diagnosis- or do just accept it knowing what you know about yourself and ASD. Did you question challenge it ? Sounds like you agree.
slade797@reddit
Nah, never did anything with it, no real point. It would have been helpful as a child, because as you know the “treatment” for ASD behaviors back then was usually just punishment. I got big doses of that.
Ahazeuris@reddit
Unequivocally yes.
porkchopespresso@reddit
My son’s elementary and middle school behaviors were very similar to mine. I was smart and had the ability to get good grades but really just never sustained good habits for long enough and it didn’t help that my parents never knew what my grades looked like until report cards came out. And sometimes I could even just never show them my report card and since there was nowhere near the communication to parents from the school, they were oblivious. If my teachers were a little more involved, if the school communicated more and probably if simple diagnosis would have been made I would probably have done well in school, rather than barely scrape by.
For my son, we talk to the teachers, talk to his doctors and we know if he is or isn’t putting in the effort and of course know his test scores and grades. My son is on medication, not sure if that would have made as much of an impact for me as it does for him but just having a diagnosis gives you awareness and initiates a plan. He went from potentially needing to be held back to being a straight A student. He literally went to the “4.0 breakfast” this morning at his school. There’s lots of ways to address not getting it done at school and I would have benefited by any of it. I do well now but I could have probably done well then too.
slade797@reddit
My granddaughter is eight, she’s a carbon copy of me at that age. Weird to see your behaviors and personality in someone else, isn’t it?
porkchopespresso@reddit
Yeah, it’s great until I see my bad traits in them being used against me and I get to mad at both of us for it
slade797@reddit
DOH!
Miserable_Jacket_129@reddit
I think my life would've been vastly different had I been diagnosed as a child. I was 'gifted', but I had a SHITLOAD of issues that led to self medicating with alcohol from about age 12 until I was properly diagnosed in my 30's (49 now).
Master-S@reddit (OP)
My sibling (we are same age - mid 50s) was also “gifted” but definitely presents as “on the spectrum” (I probably do too but have done well for myself).
This is what I was looking for. The difference is you sought and received treatment; sibling hasn’t and probably won’t.
Hope you’re on a self improvement course and doing well. Best wishes
Miserable_Jacket_129@reddit
I appreciate the well wishes. Once I got my medication stabilized, I was an entirely different person. I've done well for myself since I got help, but my life was an absolute shit show until I did.
Master-S@reddit (OP)
That’s awesome, good for you! All any of can do is try to be better than we were yesterday (easier said than done).
john-th3448@reddit
There was a boy in our primary school who was allowed to sweep the courtyard every day, or to buy groceries (or sigarettes!) for the teacher. That was early 1970s. Looking back, there were a few others who were neglected, and would have gotten special needs assistance nowadays.
drifter3026@reddit
I almost certainly have Asperger's to some degree. Only realized when my son was diagnosed at age 6 and, looking at the "Does your child have Asperger's" questionnaire, I was answering yes myself to most questions. And looking back at kids I knew growing up, probably several others too. We just didn't have the labels yet. They'd just be called weird or quirky back then.
CampVictorian@reddit
I’m in the crowd of very, very likely undiagnosed kids who eked by, despite being misunderstood and placed in advanced classes which made things worse. I had a rough time in school, and still struggle with focus, depression, etcetera… years later, I began discovering/realizing that a slew of my ancestors dealt with textbook indicators of chronic depression, bipolar disorder, ADHD and very likely borderline personality disorder. I have no kids, and the older I get, the more grateful I am not to have foisted this crap on one.