Dating in different regions
Posted by Tangy_Tarantula@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 16 comments
For those who moved while single, what’s been your experience of the dating environments? Have they influenced your decisions to go/stay/leave a location?
SpaceBetweenNL@reddit
It influenced me now. Someone really broke my heart in the country, where I've spent 6-7 years. I already got a heartbreak in 2021-2022, and this time, it's more severe, and I just want TO GET OUT. I'm quitting my job and departing to Ireland in 1-2 months. I can't stay in the country, where I got this unbearable pain.
Minimum_Victory7446@reddit
I feel that. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
I dated someone in uni and they took me on an aboslute rollercoaster which derailed and blew up. I was so messed up, I had to transfer to a different uni. I advertised that it was for other reasons (the transfer), but deep down, this was the primary motivator. The feelings were so intense, I absolutely could not handle them any other way other than leaving. Massive upset to my life and trajectory.
I saw a silly quote recently - "When you find that yourself in a dark place with no light and you feel burried... you haven't been burried... you have been planted."
For me - this put me on a trajectory that - albeit years later - has had me grow into a better human with the right person in the right place. I hope the same for you. The feelings are real - but much much better things are coming your way. I'm sure of it.
SpaceBetweenNL@reddit
Thanks for your support!
Minimum_Victory7446@reddit
I came to Australia in 2014 while working on my bio PhD in the US. I was about 3 years in, and my advisor - who had just receieved a 1.2 million USD grand from the NIH - decided to move his lab from the US to Australia. He (an Australian) was rightly upset that newer professors were being paid a higher salary than him (after having been there 5 years) - and he receieved offers from several other institutions that paid far more than his current salary. His current Uni couldn't counter, so he left - and took me and one other student with him.
After I moved here, I was pretty out of my element. Didn't know anyone, didn't know the culture - didn't know what there was to do. So the roommate I'd luckily found brought me to this dance hall in the city (not a club - but a dance hall. Tom McClelland's finishing school - super fun, no electronic music, all ages, fking awesome event at the Trades Hall every other friday - 10 dollar entry... bleh, I miss it).
Anyways - one night - early days of me going, I caught sight of this beautiful girl. She was with a couple friends towards the front of the dance floor and when I spotted her - it was like a moment from West Side Story - the world froze and she may as well have had a spotlight on her face. Way out of my league. But I'm reckless when I've had a beer, so I made my way forward. When I got close, one of her two friends (who was pretty drunk) intercepted me with a bit of dancing and soon asked me to go out to the balcony for a smoke. I socially drag, so I went with. Not my target, but not bad either :P.
While we were out there talking, the beautiful girl I'd spotted came out with their other friend, and before you know it, here I am - this somewhat nerdy newbie to Melbourne American, sitting out on a balcony amongst all these cool people hanging out - talking to 3 attractive women at once! Winning!
Well - I can't actually talk to 3 people at once, so I started talking more with the beautiful girl. I managed to get her name and a couple details about her - but before I could really ask her for more information or a contact - the drunk friend got annoyed and demanded they all leave - which they did promptly. Bummer! Yeah, I didn't get her number or anything.
For the next year, I dated a few girls and went on some pretty fun adventures - but I always went back to the finishing school event - every two weeks, hoping I would bump into the beautiful girl. Not long after, I bumped into her drunk friend again who was there with her sister. We shared another cigarette (honest - I don't smoke, just in this context) and I asked where her friends were that night. "You mean [the beautiful girl], right?" she said extremely sarcastically. Embarassed, I was like - nah, I mean you all came together, so I mean... "I know you're into her. You can't hide it.". So embarrasing. Extremely embarrasing. And I found out later that she told her that I'd been asking about her. Geeeez!
The beautiful girl. Every 3 months or so, she would appear - out of nowhere. I'd spot her, but she'd always be there with friends - and they'd always abscond with her before I could make my move!
(continued in the comments)
Minimum_Victory7446@reddit
One night, I saw them at the bar and got in behind them to say 'hi'. I tried one move where - while they had been waiting for a while for bar service (amongst the crowd you know) - to give them a bit of a hard time and gamble with a 'here, let me show you how its done'. So - with faux confidence - I went up and waved like they knew me (since I was there often). but.... I also had to wait a while. So they started giving me a hard time. Eventually I bought their drinks... and they handed me money with a look of pity and walked away. FML.
Another night - I'd managed to spot her and walk up and say 'hi' again. At this point they were starting to remember me. Never put off by me, thankfully, but still not like - 'yay this guy is here' (I know this in retrospect). It was later in the night (maybe 2am) and I convinced the beautful girl to have a dance with me. We were dancing, I was in a bit of a daze (a bit drunkies, a bit smitten :) - when suddenly her friend (the same drunk one) demanded they leave bc she was getting bored! They bolted off with a quick 'bye' - I was stunned! Then it hit me - to ask for her number! I raced down the stairs and outside only to see them looking briefly out the window as the taxi they'd hailed pulled away! It was like something out of a movie.
Months later - about a year after I'd first met the beautiful girl - I'd moved and got a new roommate. He had social anxiety, but I liked him and I convinced him to come to the finishing school event. He agreed on one condition - that I could not leave him there alone. So I said absolutely.... but. There was one condition. See theres this girl that shows up every so often with her friends... and one of these times I'll ask her for her number. If she's there, then I HAVE to go up to her. He said fine and we went. The first night she wasn't there, and we had a great time. So we went again two weeks later.
On the second time we went, I showed up with my room mate, and 10 minutes after we'd shown up - I spotted her. She was there with one friend - the other friend (not the one I'd initially encountered drunk). I freaked out and told my roommate - Dude !! There she is! Shes there with her friend - who is taller (the same from the very first night - the not-so-drunk one). Shes on the right. OMG!
This man. Did not hesitate. For 1 second. The moment I stopped talking, he walked straight up to the beautiful girl's friend and started talking to her - to distract her. No instruction needed. It was, hands down, the most incredible wingman move I'd ever witnessed. So I seized this final opportunity and walked right up to the beautiful girl - who knew who I was at this point and asked her to go outside to the balcony so we could talk. I didn't hesitate, I asked her first thing if she'd be interested in going on a date with me, and if so, if I could have her number.
Well - she gave it to me - we went on that date - and the rest is history. We've been married for 7 years and have a kid and a house together - and I'm still living in Australia.
hudibrastic@reddit
I became single in the Netherlands after moving…dating in the Netherlands was the most depressing experience I ever had… culturally we are polar opposites, and one of them came to our date to spend half of the time telling me how much she hates expats
Dutch girls are masculine, they only provide you masculine vibes, from top to bottom, from the way they talk to the way they move
Within a couple months of having moved out, I found an amazing and gorgeous girl
Flabbaghosted@reddit
Were kids involved?
hudibrastic@reddit
Nope
greatbear8@reddit
Quite agree. Germans, too, are close to that, though their matronly airs save them from the epithet.
SpaceBetweenNL@reddit
I completely agree with the fact that Dutch girls are mostly masculine. It only makes a desire to date Eastern Europeans only stronger.
BeraRane@reddit
My main memory of Dutch women was the obligatory military styled crew cut at the age of 30.
I remember reading a quote of a Frenchman living in Holland - "walk behind a Dutch couple and it's impossible to tell which one is the woman".
No-Tip3654@reddit
Dutch girls are masculine? What do you mean by that?
solarnoise@reddit
It's possible for it to be like a fairytale and all work out, but the chance is far higher that it won't.
Say you meet a local who has no interest in moving. They have their friends and family. You might feel like it'd be nice to be near your own friends and family someday. Huge conflict.
Or you meet a fellow expat. Same problem for both of you, except your respective families might be on opposite sides of the planet. Figuring out whose home to go to for holidays and how often is a constant push and pull. You're maybe each other's only close person, which means if you do separate, you're not only single and alone, you're also far from home. It really tests your mental health (ask me how I know).
My personal advice to expats looking to find partners or start families is: don't move abroad unless you're bringing a partner or spouse with you. And if you're abroad and single, consider moving back to your home country where you won't have as many of those obstacles to placing roots.
Unique-Gazelle2147@reddit
For years I thought there could be a solution to ‘the expat problem’ of dating. The only solution I’ve seen is married teachers who usually met in their home countries and then move around together. Otherwise it’s a nightmare of sacrifice, leaving family, guilt etc. it’s just so much harder than I really ever thought it would be.
Bittyry@reddit
I'm from the US and grew up here. With that said, it is insanely different when I use dating apps in the US and abroad. Idk what it is about the girls at least in NYC. Maybe ultra competitive? Maybe my dating profile sucks? I won't be leaving my country but I basically stopped looking and using my app in the US
ambergresian@reddit
My decision when I moved was to find a place I can see myself staying forever and settling down in. I also was considering how I'm at an age where if I want to have a family I need to meet someone with the same goals, so was thinking of a city where there were a good amount of people wanting to stay there too, and keeping that in mind with dating (not dating expats who want to move home). It's worked out for me. They were prominent factors on my mind.