Anyone else (female) feel ugly?

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Dependent_Top_4425@reddit

I'm right there with ya! I'm about to turn 45 next month. I swear I used to be able to lose weight just by THINKING about it. I used to wake up and do a full face of make-up EVERY morning! I shaved my legs every other day. I ONLY used expensive shampoo from the salon. I would do french manicures ON MY TOES! I could actually leave the house without glasses. I could buy clothes off the rack without trying them on because they always fit. I went to every event I was invited to. I wore heels to work on my feet 8 hours a day.....but HOW?

Yesterday I shaved my legs for the first time in at least a month, took a much needed shower after a week long hiatus. I've been going back and forth on whether to get some hair dye, or just let the greys do their thing. I bought myself a new chair yesterday because my fat ass wore out the last one. I recently threw out all my makeup, it makes me feel like a clown. I can barely see WITH my glasses on anymore. I haven't had sex in around 2 months, our biggest dry spell yet. I am terrified of the dentist but I know I have some dental work that needs to be done. I wake up with anxiety about possibly losing noticeable teeth, but it doesn't outweigh the anxiety of a dentist visit.

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buttle_rubbies@reddit

Unrelated, but sedation dentistry with a responsible dentist is an absolute godsend. BTDT

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Dependent_Top_4425@reddit

Not at all unrelated! I had one tooth extraction with an oral surgeon. I got anxiety meds for the waiting room, some nitrous gas right before the procedure, and pills to take home for the pain. I had good insurance then. I also had, at separate times, 2 teeth extracted while I was completely awake, hearing every crack and feeling every tug for close to an hour. Its absolutely traumatizing. The last dentist I went to for a few years told me they don't provide nitrous because of insurance reasons, I can understand that. The last time I saw him was Halloween of 2019. I was the last patient of the day so he sent all of his staff home. Most of the lights were turned off in the place and it was thunder storming outside. I needed a filling on the top so he had to position the seat so I was basically upside down. He was very clearly trying to wrap up his day as he came at me with the drill and said, "I don't think we'll need Novocain for this, you're a tough girl, aren't you?" Sir, no, actually I am legit afraid of butterflies. The toughest thing about me is that I would risk breaking a limb to escape the company of a harmless insect. You know what? I gave it a chance without the Novacaine but ended up crying out in pain, and then I was crying because I was embarrassed and then crying because I was trapped there, and Novacaine shots HURT, and I knew I was gonna have to go upside down again, I knew the dentists wanted to get out of there as badly as I did. I got my damn filling, paid the asshole $600 and waited in the rain for my Uber. Upon returning home, I scrambled to get things ready for a small Halloween party I had planned for the evening, my hands were shaking the whole time. The filling I got that day came out exactly one year later.

My boyfriend used the same dentist and a few months later started experiencing his first ever tooth ache at the age of 38. He couldn't chew food and had a fever. I was making sure he got enough nutrients through soft foods and doing the best I could to be a care taker but I'll be honest with you....I'm not a natural "nurse" type of gal. So I call our dentists to try and get him an appointment. I mentioned he had a fever i order to express the severity of the issue. Well fuck me because it was during the first year of Covid. The lady on the phone told me he had to take a Covid test and then call to make an appointment 2 weeks after that. I started crying right on the phone. He couldn't go 2 weeks with this pain and I couldn't go two weeks watching him be in it.

He went to urgent care, got some antibiotics and he hasn't had another problem since. We haven't seen the dentist since either. If you want my man to sit here for 2 weeks in agony, you better be coming over here to do some shifts!

That was such a long rant. I hate the dentist.

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buttle_rubbies@reddit

I grew up with a “this is a small one, you don’t need Novocain” dentist and his son. When they did use it, they’d ask if I could still feel pain, get a yes, and just start working anyway. Good dentists were horrified by this and told me that is not just wrong but sadistic and historically used as actual torture.

I’ve had free appetizers, cocktails, and desserts given to me and my husband by servers - for being nice. They have literally told us that is why.

I bought a laptop at Microcenter and they gave me $700 off for being nice. Literally said this to my face.

I could go on with examples.

I like being invisible because of my looks/age. I’m worth more than how I look!

I like it even more leaving people feeling good because I chose to treat them kindly and with respect.

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smallvictory76@reddit

“In the end, only kindness matters”

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misslam2u2@reddit

It costs exactly zero dollars to be kind and polite and the rewards are so huge.

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Same

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Chubbucks@reddit

THIS! I feel invisible, like people look right through me.

Like you, my husband is the only person whose opinion the matter means anything, and he thinks I look great...esp. for my age.

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skoltroll@reddit

That never happens anymore and I don’t miss it at all.

I’ve always felt ugly. Like, every square inch of me. I realized it was part of my internalized shame from childhood neglect. “If only I was pretty, I would be lovable.”

I’m starting to feel okay-ish now (for my age). So I get to do this in reverse.

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katwoodruff@reddit

Yep, same here. Never been one of the pretty, popular girls. So there is no supposed beauty to lose.

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And as he wise Sister Sledge said, We are Family

I love you, my distant sister!

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moooeymoo@reddit (OP)

I hate this… so embarrassing & I have no insurance or dental. 🦷

I genuinely do have glue on veneers in my cart on Amazon, they’ve been in there for a few weeks now because you can see when I smile that I don’t have any back teeth and I just wanna cover that up. Even if just for my peace of mind.

Even if no one else can tell, I know.

I know my teeth are not white like they used to be in no matter how much I brush them. I know that they’re crumbling and I know that I have nothing to chew with so my front teeth are the ones that I used to chew everything, potato chips and all of that has been out of the question for years now.

madcatter10007@reddit

Yep. "Short, fat, ugly, and stupid." My childhood mantra.

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FaithlessnessPlus164@reddit

Exact same thing happened to me, solidarity ❤️

I get told all the time since I’m beautiful but my brain is so broken from those delicate years I can’t even entertain the possibility that people aren’t bullshitting me.

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Mumchkin@reddit

Yep, how I like to put it. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can leave scars too.

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Psychological-Joke22@reddit

Yeah, the old, "Just ignore it" from the parents REALLY helped....

I still wish those sociopaths ill will...to this day....

Forgiveness my ass!

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HaloTightens@reddit

I prefer, Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will break your heart.

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If you're honestly eating right, and still can't lose weight, see a doctor. Diabetes and thyroid problems are genuine concerns at this point in life.

I 'ate right' my whole life, right up until I hit 300lbs. Even if you got the quality right, the quantity can still be wildly off, especially if you were raised somewhere that espouses the mantra 'If you're still hungry, eat some more', like they do down south. You'll end up eating for three people because that physical sensation of being full is actually your stomach stretching because its overstuffed. Keep doing that and you're essentially training to be a competitive eater without knowing it.

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HandMadeMarmelade@reddit

Head on over to r/Menopause ... some of those things could be a hormonal imbalance.

Yes. I'm overweight (obese according to the BMI chart).

I caught a side profile glimpse of myself the other day, sans clothing, and I was so disgusted. I can't understand how my husband is 1. Still with me and 2. Tells me I'm beautiful.

Yep! 54F here. Worse than ugly, I feel invisible, like people look right through me.

The world is now my own gay bar.

It’s kind of freeing.

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Dry-Alternative-5626@reddit

Crazy isn't it? I guess in our heads it's like one day you wake up and you're 90 and have all those problems, but in reality they sneak up on you over a few decades. Oh and don't forget the bat wings!

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TootlesMagoo@reddit

I don't think normal people ever look in the mirror and say Damn that looks good! I'll be honest, I was an anorexic teen and it stayed with me well into my 20s , until I got pregnant and my attitude changed. I've always felt disgusting and fat and ugly, even though there were people always wanting to date me and tell me I was pretty, I never saw it myself. The self dismorphia that took over when I looked in the mirror made me feel unworthy of compliments and unfortunately I've always been with men that cheated on me so that doesn't help with your self worth or the way you see yourself. I'm now 51 and I don't give a shit if anyone thinks I am pretty. I don't care if I'm pretty. I am still thin and I don't look 51 compared to all my friends that are the same age but that doesn't take away from the fact that when I look in the mirror I think im not beautiful. Life kind of chewed me up sometimes but at the end of the day it's just your state of mind I guess. So long story short yes I do feel ugly , but maybe I'm not and it is all in my head 🤷‍♀️

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AntC_808@reddit

Look at ooooooollllllllllllldddddddddd MFers. We are all going to look like that.

If we are lucky.

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WaveFormTX@reddit

I understand you. I'll be 50 in another year. So far, I have loads of regrets and not many wins. I've given up on love since 2001, I'm getting fatter, slower, and more tired. I'll likely die alone. All I do now is work and keep myself entertained

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Cinnamon_bear01@reddit

I’m with ya. 52 now. Two days after my 50th birthday, I was diagnosed with a pelvic prolapse. How completely devastating that was. Surgery corrected it, but I don’t feel the same.

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gotchafaint@reddit

You go from being sexually harassed every time you step out the door to being the invisible dismissible old lady punching bag for the “inclusive” youth.

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birdmadgirl74@reddit

I was an ugly kid. I honestly did a glow up in my mid 40s. I pass for a good 15-20 years younger than I am (50).

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mrsredfast@reddit

Yes! Not being photogenic is a confidence killer. I can look in the mirror and think I look fine. Then I see a pic (most recent culprit was Costco membership card) and have people (my husband) say it’s fine when I think it’s awful. Then I have to do major brain work to not feel bad about myself. And circle repeats the next time I see one.

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moooeymoo@reddit (OP)

🤣

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Dismal-Meringue6778@reddit

This made me laugh so much. That has got to be the worst position ever to take a picture. I would traumatize myself. I don't think I could handle that. 🤣🤣🤣

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AntiSnoringDevice@reddit

I feel ugly compared to my younger self, but perimenopause somewhat forced me to focus on my current body and accept that Mother Nature is a b!tch... Now I have good and bad days and try to compensate by being a nice middle-aged lady 😀 You take care of yourself Lady!

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Cleocha@reddit

I am sorry you are feeling this pain. It’s so heartbreaking to read because I know how it feels, and even though I don’t know you, I feel for you.

Sorry for the trauma dump, but I have to share this. I am 48 and feel so disgusting, I have difficulty getting out in public.

I have a genetic mutation so at 42, I had to have an hysterctomy and my ovaries taken out. I wasn’t even in premenopause, so I went from being normal, not conventionaly pretty, but kind of cute. Then, it went to full on menopause.

My hair went dry and dull, my face got dry and wrinkly and I started gaining weight fast. 15 pounds in 2 years that I just couldn’t lose.

Then this last June, I had to have a total mastectomy and I chose to have the reconstruction with my own body far. It’s called DIEP, they take the fat and blood vessels from the lower abdomen.

It went really bad. I almost died from an infection and some of my flaps died (necrosis) do I had to go back to surgery and they removed part of my reconstructed breast.

I was a D cup, now I am a small C cup on one side and a small B cup on the other side with square disgusting breast that are almost under my armpit.

Then, I did too much and I fucked my abdominal wall, now I have a hard swelly belly. I look pregnant, really pregnant.

I felt so defeited and disgusting that I fell into dépression and ate like never before and gain another 10 pounds.

I am now 25 pounds overweight, looking old, dried and miserable.

I look like an old men with a beer belly that tried to give himself a mommy makeover in his basement with the help of his brother in law and a chainsaw.

Research. Talk to your. Get on any glp1 medication. Im on tirzepatide. DM me if u need more info or find a subgroup here it is possible to get it with out a a script from groupon.
Meditate. Sky dive. Do crazy shit. This aligns your mind and spirit to BE in the NOW. Dont live in the passed where we left our beauty. Live in the now where we have our wisdom which is much better than beauty
Listen to the Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle.

likeminipee@reddit

I feel you man! Aging is rough!

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Ok_Recognition_8839@reddit

52M as well. Exact same,plus I've gained a bunch of weight .My way of dealing with it. I've embraced what I guess is older men's chic early. I wear nothing but overalls and work coveralls. Covers the gut and don't have pants falling down. Took up a pipe. Just once a day,but it actually helps with the image. So I'm just going with it.

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misslam2u2@reddit

Me. I was beautiful and tall and athletic. I had great hair and nails and teeth. Enviable skin. Now I have lupus and fibromyalgia and long covid. My hair is thin and my figure is shot and I'm weak and gray. I don't particularly feel like I'm being punished, but it rather reminds me that humans didn't always live this long. I've had severe health issues that would have killed me even 20 years before they occurred. So I've survived 100% of this horror show so far. But I look like I've been through the wringer. I guess it's a toss up. Die early and leave a beautiful corpse or live long and hard and slide into death looking like the crypt keeper. Lots of my friends didn't live to see old age. Or how ugly they would get. Now I guess it's a contest. I'm going to win. I'll be the ugliest and the oldest.

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MissDisplaced@reddit

I think at some point you just have to accept your body and face for what it is and make the best of it.

I was once pretty, and blossomed in my 40s, even modeling from 41-43 after an extensive weight loss. At almost 56, I can say I am now what would be considered plain. To me, I’m unattractive. My face has changed and it’s not for the best; my eyes have sunken into my face, and wrinkles and furrows on my face and neck have changed the shape of my face and make me look several years older. I have bald patches on my scalp that I struggle to cover. Going out requires manipulation of my hair and much more makeup handiwork than it used to. My saving grace is that my body is trim (after years of being overweight, I lost weight from illnesses). I attribute the changes to periods of severe stress and a couple of illnesses.

It was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

I had the initial consultation with the photographer. We talked about my concerns, what kind of photos I expected and how much retouching I wanted done. Then she asked what parts of my body I thought were sexy. GASP!!! I had to really think about it. She saw that I was struggling. She said imagine you dressed up for a formal event. What do you see as flattering? The curvature of your lips? Your hair? Your eyes? Cleavage or the way your breasts look in that dress?

I realized that it had been so long since I had been "dressed up". After some thought I named a few things.

She then provided a booklet for me to take with me. It had wardrobe, makeup and hairstyle ideas for me to review. At our next meeting, we decided on my makeup and I had to bring at least 3 wardrobe selections.

I chickened out multiple times in my head and called her twice to cancel. She talked me off the ledge each time.

The day arrives and I was STRESSED.

I get to the studio and I am greeted by my team. They offer me a glass of wine or champagne or a mimosa. I opt for the wine and they get to work.

Hair and makeup done. It's time for the reveal. I am moved to tears. They had to fix my makeup.

I put on my first wardrobe selection and nervously walk out. Ready to chicken out AGAIN.

She gives me some instructions for how things will go and we get started. She tells me and/or shows me how to pose. Where to look.

After a few minutes, she shows me the camera screen. My mind is blown. I scream. "That's ME??????"

Yes, it was. No filters. No retouching.

OP and all who read this....

There's what we see and then what the world sees. We are our harshest critic.

I left there feeling like the world's top supermodel. Empowered. No longer invisible.

I'm right there with you. I do it all "right" (exercise, nutrition, etc.) and THIS is the best you can do, nature?

It can be disheartening sometimes, and yes I've even shed a tear over it.

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OGMom2022@reddit

Not one bit. My wrinkles, sun damage and whatever else tells my story. Laugh lines mean I was happy. The sun damage? I had a blast outside. Pretty is not the price I pay to love myself.

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ljinbs@reddit

Yep. I’ve never been a head turner and always carried extra weight. I was an athlete and still had a bigger frame. The dieting off and on gets old.

I never met anyone special and the guys I thought I liked didn’t like me. I’m fine being single now but I would have liked to have someone who loved me at least once.

First covid and then breast cancer gave me an excuse to stop fixing my hair (since I lost it in chemo) and not wear makeup.

I just finished 17 months of treatment (cancer free for now). My hair grew in gray and now is gray-brown. But I still don’t have energy and don’t want to go out, and I don’t care how I look. I’m soon to be 58.

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NewtOk4840@reddit

I was just looking in the mirror and I was calling myself a ugly bitch while crying my eyes out,fuck I'm still crying,not because I'm ugly it's just been a really bad to start to the NY and I feel old AF

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FugginOld@reddit

Idgaf anymore...I look like a potato and I'm content.

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NeuroPlastick@reddit

I'm sure I would feel ugly now if I weren't on hormone replacement.

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sajaschi@reddit

ABSOLUTELY SAME but I try really hard to forget it with Xanax and fewer mirrors. 😜 I too eat relatively well, exercise, go to therapy, wear sunscreen... It's a losing battle but I can't help fighting it. I feel ugly, but I try to act just as confident as I used to (FAKE IT TIL YA MAKE IT, BITCHES) and I'm just glad I'm happily married, because otherwise I'd probably go full-on bog witch.

Lately I'm spending money on facial peels. I've been using an eyelash serum for almost 10 years so at least my lashes look fabulous. Got my brows microbladed last year so I look less sick/elderly. I use a facial roller and red light therapy mask daily. I can tell all these are slowing how fast my face is aging, but looking at my parents, I'm doomed unless I opt for surgery in the future.

Oh add thinning, fine hair AND weird curls and waves coming in with all the grays, so my hair's a mess. And my lips are losing collagen and starting to roll inward. I'm contemplating hyaluronic acid filler and possibly Botox, but that show Botched freaks me out...

And then there's the constant creeping scale numbers, no matter what I lift or run or eat or don't eat. I live in stretchy pants and shaper wear. On a happy note, I'm stronger and more flexible than I've ever been, even if my pants are also bigger than they've ever been. I can definitely kick my younger self's ass.

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BlownCamaro@reddit

What you need to do is remove all mirrors from your home. Now, you are only looking through YOUR eyes and everything is as it was back when you were young.

Also, you should probably get some cats because they will never judge you.

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Bardamu911@reddit

I can promise you, ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE, that you're far lovelier than you believe you are. 100% confidence in this assumption

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LynnHFinn@reddit

Yep. I didn't feel that way until about 2020 when I gained 20 lbs from staying home bc of lockdowns.

I never could lose it. I feel dumpy. It was already an uphill battle to stay looking good. I gave up

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I've been married for 25 years. Other men might see a 50 year old grandmother. My mental model of her is the hot 20 year old from when we first met....

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dogsnicecream7@reddit

48 has been a different animal. I feel like I aged 10 years overnight, but not in my face. It’s my skin on my arms where I notice it the most. I’m getting spots & the skin is getting saggy looking when I move a certain way.

I’ve been in dermatology/plastic surgery for most of my career & have always taken really good care of my face, neck & chest. I guess I neglected my arms throughout the years though.

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crippledandcrazy@reddit

I feel just like you.

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FlawedWoman@reddit

Yeah. I’m 52 and feel unattractive. Being single now and finding it impossible to even know where/how to meet anyone… makes me feel even uglier. I kind it hate it.

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owlspitinurface@reddit

HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY

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bigredroyaloak@reddit

I think after every decade I’ve lived I’ve had to come to an acceptance that I don’t look like I used to in a negative way, but I also remember that is not how I value myself or others really. Are you holding yourself up to an unrealistic expectation? Are you growing as a person? Are you rejecting toxic ideas (& people) internally and externally? Be the best you can be today. Beauty is objective, beauty fleeting, & beauty is superficial. Not a thing to obsess over.

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bene_gesserit_mitch@reddit

I am growing more concerned with my boobs as well. I didn't have them when I was a younger man.

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carneyguru@reddit

To all the ladies who thought they were hot in high school,

Sing Phil Collins,,take a look at me now.

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JETEXAS@reddit

I came to the realization a couple years ago that nobody will ever really want to see me naked again. Thankfully though love my wife tolerates it, but even if I was in the gym 5 days a week -- I've passed the "best used by" date on nudity.

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legal_bagel@reddit

Yes, and perimenopause got me trippin.

Did you know that there is such a thing as clitoroal atrophy? That the clitoris can literally shrink and disappear? I didn't know that shit, why does no one tell us, probably because sex ed never taught what a clit actually was.

My tits have been saggy since they came in as DDD at 12yo, so that's whatever.

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catladymt80@reddit

All the time

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mlvalentine@reddit

There's a book called Becoming Baba Yaga you might enjoy. 😊

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ExpensiveKale3620@reddit

I bet that a lot of people, OP and commenters are still quite attractive and are actually being too hard on themselves.

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Peelie5@reddit

I feel ugly and pretty at the same time. Idk if anyone else feels like this?

I have absolutely hated seeing the loss of my beauty. Seeing our Hollywood stars lose theirs has been very depressing too. Have you seen Val Kilmer lately? Most beautiful man ever to have walked to the Earth, and today he's nearly unrecognizable.

And don't get me started on actual death.

Yeah. I don’t look at myself in the mirror and think “Geezus the horrors looking back”

I’m going to be 55 and finally love my face. My eyes. My hair. Was I thinner in my 20s? Yeah. But even now I’m solid AF. I’ve lost weight. Even with my numb knee and nerve damage I feel pretty good.

Feeling ugly by what standards? Your previous looks?

That is called living in the past.

All we have is now. Tomorrow or even two hours from now is not guaranteed.

Dont die feeling this way.

Fuck the physical! You have lived a long ass life! Be proud.

Some of my family and old friends have already passed on.

Celebrate your ugly ass self! Lol

Not like that really. But try to find your way through self acceptance.

Cut people from your life that trigger these feelings in you. Surround yourself with people who fully accept you.

Godspeed.

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Electrical_Log_9082@reddit

I can see that I'm getting old. I look younger than my age, everyone says that. I've always thought I was ugly so I don't mind it right now. I'm more worried about my health. If I'm going to live longer than I don't want to get sick or be an old person with some severe health issue.

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Sufficient_Shop_7776@reddit

Some one thinks you're sexy no matter what you think, trust me.

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JenninMiami@reddit

I hate that I have to care about being attractive anymore. I’m fucking tired. Just leave me in peace with my muffin tops 🥹

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earthgarden@reddit

Nah, not at all. I like the protection that middle-age ugliness gives me. Every day I get older (currently 53) means I’m closer to full invisibility to men. It’s like an invisibility cloak lol

I was pretty hot stuff in my 20s and 30s, teens and 20s especially I got hawked on every time I left the house. So I got enough attention to last me until the end of time and I do not miss it at all. Pretty comes with it’s own problems. Attractive young girl/woman means you will attract sooooo much attention, it really dictates your life because it affects what you do, where you go, how you maneuver around in the world. The jobs/careers you pick, etc., because you constantly have men trying to exchange DNA with you.

Do some volunteer work or help someone on your own.

Im sorry for the unsolicited advice. Hope you don't take it wrong.

We are all headed for death. GenX is at the perfect age to prepare our souls and get right with ourselves.

Im not religious so im not pushing God. Be happy!! Love yourself and others!

The Beatles had it right. All you need is love ! 💕🎶

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Aromatic_Garbage_390@reddit

I wasn't even pretty when I was younger. Now?? 😱

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flyingminnow@reddit

I’ve been in the trenches of perimenopause for the last 9 months or so. It’s been coming on for a while but the really hard to live with stuff has really kicked in. My husband was complaining about how cold I have our bedroom (I’m hot all the time) so I decided to list out everything that’s going on with me. He just sat there staring with his mouth open and said he didn’t know all that was connected. I said neither did I until I really started reading on it because no one tells us all of this including our doctors. They just tell us we have anxiety and we need to exercise more. I’m going in to have my hormones checked and try to get on something. I’m really hoping it will help me feel a little more human again!

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smokeehayes@reddit

Yeah but I've always been ugly... I just finally grew into it.

gif

As a 54m, i just feel like i've disappeared into the ether. I'm attractive, but now probably a 6 when i used to be a 9. Hair growin out my ears, grey hair and beard, my nose looks bigger than it used to, my smile is kinda crooked now......all kinds of little break downs to the physical self....and the ego as a result.

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Author_ity_@reddit

Yeah. My looks are badly diminished.

So is my strength, due to illness.

Had to let go of my vanity and be content to move on to Jesus before long.

This world sucks and my body has become a prison

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Affectionate_Yam4368@reddit

Nah. I was never pretty, so if anything I look better now than I did then. My cheekbones have shown up as I've aged, and my skin is in good condition. My Mom is 74 and looks great, and since I am absolutely wearing that woman's face the future looks bright.

well. I was never conventionally attractive, I had a few sexy years in my 30's.

but man, the ugly came on hard in my 50's! I feel great, but my body is a dumpster fire of skin lumps, bad hair, fatty bits in the wrong places and my teeth are healthy but look awful

Substantial-Spare501@reddit

I hear you. I have a lot of aging to my skin from years of outdoor exercise without using sunblock. Also, the dentist told me that my teeth are getting thin and I should consider veneers. I spent 7k last year getting an implant and a crown and I have seen so many bad veneers it makes me nervous and I will probably see a cosmetic dentist instead of just this regular dentist.

My neck is also crepey.

Oh I've been ugly since my teens, according to conventional beauty standards. I'm nearly 50...long time to be ugly!

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Alwaystryin915@reddit

I feel this…. From a saggy momma. 😬😬

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Covfam73@reddit

Not to discount what you ladies feel but as a 52 year old man i feel ugly now That the extremely fit young body i had when i was in the army is gone, i still have functional strength & fairly healthy but due to genetics i have a big belly like every male in my family and no matter the workouts it hasn't changed ive had the same weight and muscle mass for the last 30 years never deviating more that 5lbs in that time but the belly still grew, and there is a shame i feel despite knowing that its unavoidable especially with the the hyper focus on body image in culture these days.

And to be fair i recognize that the cultural shame and body images are even more acute and I'm sorry that you guys have that its not fair, i see that and hear that from my wife of 24 years who is taller than me and im 6 foot tall, like i tell her ill tell you ladies you are more beautiful and far more valuable than that our media culture & marketing tells you! :)

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DogsAreOurFriends@reddit

I used to be Ricky Martin’s doppelgänger.

Now I look like Santa Claus.

Always felt ugly, and it's just getting worse as I've gotten older, I'm 44!.

I've felt pretty only 3 times in my life, when I was pregnant, when I got married, and for a brief moment in my early 30s.

Being told that you aren't pretty like your friends, and also being fat shamed!, can't have helped me over the years?!

I'm currently awaiting therapy for anxiety and depression and have been told that there's a high chance I have Body Dismorphia.

I mean, DUH!

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JenGenxx@reddit

I’m 54 also. I have the worst turkey neck. I hate photos of myself…. Luckily I don’t have to look at myself all that often…

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FredOaks15@reddit

The point of living is to get old. Part of that is looking older as well. You are doing great. Be proud of all those perceived negatives.

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JTBlakeinNYC@reddit

You literally just described me.

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deebay2150@reddit

Girl! Are we twins?! I'm 58, but I'm everything you described.

I tell myself I don't care anymore because I had it really good (looks wise) for several decades, but every once in a while I'll accidentally (because why would I intentionally look) catch a glimpse in a mirror or window and give myself a jump scare.

Remember when we used to say, "Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse"? God, we were stupid. Leaving a "good looking corpse" is no longer an option.

I'm really more concerned with the breakdown of the stuff INSIDE the skin suit these days, new and unexplainable pains, creaking sounds from joints, taking much too long to remember the names of everyday items.

Usually I'm grateful for the aches and pains and even for the Gorgonesque reflection because I have a son with autism that still needs me here. And he doesn't care what I look like(most days).

I'll hang in there, if you do.

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MoonageDayscream@reddit

I'm all there and then some. I got myself extra fun arnica gel and concealer to cover a black eye I gave myself tripping over absolutely nothing trying to catch a bus. Nest da at work I wore my punk makeup from the 90s as cheeky throwback look and it was not as I remember, but at least it covered the bruise.

I was plain. I've always been plain except when I was little. When I was little, I was a pedo's dream. Tiny, waif like, starving, fragile, but a fighter.

I liked being plain better, but at the same time didn't. I wanted to be pretty, but also invisible. Make attention rarely worked out well for me, I was raped often.

I think in many ways, being plain was worse than pretty. All the guys (I'm straight) wanted the pretty girls, but would settle for me with the most condescending attitude of doing me a favor. "Pity fuck" is what they called me.

Now I'm invisible, and sometimes it hurts but mostly it's as good as I imagined. Nobody is trying to seduce me just because I seem approachable "but not good enough to date." Nobody is approaching me at all, so I never have to wonder if they'll "ghost" me tomorrow after all that work to get their belt notched.

It's not great to look old, but I'm too intimately familiar with what can go wrong when men think you're okay enough to fuck or rape but too garbage for a relationship.

Whatever your situation, it could almost certainly be worse. Okay, I'm fat, but nobody's interested in raping me, so there's the silver lining. Okay, I've lost weight but now I'm floppy, still nobody interested in using my body without my consent. Or at all, really, but alone is better than being a "pity fuck."

It's from drinking out of the garden hose as a kid, a fate of all GenX'ers.

All kidding aside, getting older sucks. Even when you take efforts in caring for yourself, some things are simply inevitable.

However, remember this: We are our own worst critics. I think you're seeing yourself far more critically than others do.

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Holwayout@reddit

Yes! This is so true!

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prettybluefairy75@reddit

Same. I feel like as a child, teen, and even young adult I was very pretty (if not beautiful). I got compared to Shannen Doherty in my teens/early 20s. But as I've gotten older, I've gained a lot of weight that I'm unable to get rid of, and my teeth are also really messed up. Both of those things have really taken a lot out of me and my confidence is pretty much shot. I don't like looking in the mirror unless I absolutely have to.

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Competitive-Fact-820@reddit

I've been lucky in that I always felt pretty much invisible so I haven't noticed the drop off in attention at all. I have always been a fattie so the weight gain due to numerous hormonal issues coupled with a very unhealthy relationship with food I just see as pretty much inevitable. I am the same dress size now as I was at 20, it's just that nothing is perky anymore.

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Fun-Tradition2137@reddit

I am 59,right there with you,but we are still AWESOME!

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brainfogmidsentence@reddit

Sigh, right there with you! 🤗