ULPT: How to scare off a mentally deranged man from trespassing (cops are useless)
Posted by caltheme@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 102 comments
This random homeless, semi mental disabled man keeps trespassing on my wife's mom's property (central Florida). we have him on video multiple times. hes been arrested in the past and has been arrested for trespassing and stealing amazon packages as recently as 1 month ago. We just followd him off the property and got the cops to stop him in our neighborhood, but they said the most they can do right now is file a "complaint affidavit" which basically files him with the state and if hes caught again he'll get booked and arrested. The problem is he goes to teh hospital, jail for a few days, and then releaed to the streets again. Overall he seems harmless, but my MiL lives alone and this guy literally comes ot the front door and tries opening it, claims he lives here (theyve owned and lived in this house for 20 years), so she is rightfully scared for her safety. The cops are aware of his mental state but since hes not doing anything criminally and he walks on and off the property before someone arrives theyre unable to do much legally. We are. considering a restraining order but know that takes time and money. TIA
BorkInk@reddit
Guard the door with a second, even more deranged man
Junior-Package3473@reddit
May I volunteer my MIL? PLEASE
throwCaregiver@reddit
Only if she's really a deranged 'man'
permanentscrewdriver@reddit
Only if she herself volunteers as tribute. Then yes.
LegendofNick@reddit
Vote for better representatives in your state so they will add new social programs with will reduce crime and homelessness. Then everyone is happy and you don't have to murder another human being just trying to navigate life with an unwell brain.
Alternatively you can wish you never get a mental issue and lose your job, home and everything you love only to be murdered for not understanding what happened to you.
Butt_hurt_Report@reddit
Get all of those parasites and send them to Ukraine, front lines. The Insane Battalion.
caltheme@reddit (OP)
Agree with u fully but wrong subreddit lol
silysloth@reddit
We have a few that get brought back to the neighborhood after they get released from jail.
It is such a pain in the ass.
One of my neighbors beat the shit out of one of them. Haven't seen him back.
You can pepper spray him. Hose him down with that shit. Every time you see him. He can't call the cops, if he does he's going to jail because he will have meth in his asshole.
We also put up a big fence.
I'm going to buy a donkey. They are mean as hell. A big dog? Okay. But a donkey? Crackhead will hope the fence and get slammed with 400 pounds of teeth and hooves.
I have no more empathy for these people. They don't want to be rehabilitated. They know what they are doing. They are choosing this. And they steal shit from everyone. I go find their stupid ass trails through the neighborhood, find their stash of stolen shit then post it on Facebook so my neighbors can recover their lawnmowers and generators.
omegamun@reddit
Can confirm. I’d rather deal with a nasty 12-hand tall horse than a nasty donkey. Fuckers are brutal.
_Mayhem_@reddit
Grandparents used to live on a farm. Donkeys were used to protect the other animals. Zero fucks given by them. They can be absolutely mean bastards.
Both_Boysenberry8405@reddit
A donkey is brilliant! Well done !
torch9t9@reddit
I've seen video of a donkey killing a coyote. Amazing.
silysloth@reddit
Yeah. I used to have one. Best buddies. He lived nearby our shop. If a stranger approached me for business the donkey would try to attack the stranger through the fence. Lil guy wouldn't let anyone near me. And we would go on little adventures riding around the neighborhood together. Attacked multiple dogs. A fucking menace to everyone and everything but me.
Repulsive-Ad-7180@reddit
This sounds like the plot of a movie
jackdaw_t_robot@reddit
Shrek
Current_Employer_308@reddit
Some...BODY
Elric1992@reddit
Once told me
AlphaNoodlz@reddit
Legend
TheyCallMeJPS@reddit
And in the morning he made waffles. That’ll do donkey, that’ll do 😂
Junior-Package3473@reddit
Ditto geese
Square-Squash-5152@reddit
they're cute bastards too. we ended up adopting a family of them and they were like bigger cooler dogs.
eubulides@reddit
Geese, too?
Timsmomshardsalami@reddit
Ya just buy a fucking donkey great idea genius
CttCJim@reddit
Donkey or goat will also mow your lawn for free.
Brave_Word8790@reddit
Get a goose or a male goat. They are absolutely SAVAGE when it comes to protecting the home and yard.
Frontline-witchdoc@reddit
It's Florida, a stand your ground, castle doctrine state. How often does this guy try to come in? If he does it often enough that you could expect him to try it during a visit of a few days. You could leave that door unlocked and solve your problem permanently.
7thAndGreenhill@reddit
If he is really mentally deranged, it would probably be helpful to fly a drone with a speaker letting him know he’s under surveillance
hettuklaeddi@reddit
idk how this isn’t top
he’s there because he feels comfortable.
Ol_stinkler@reddit
Send some discomfort down range, 12 gauge, 5.56, or .308 are made for this.
hettuklaeddi@reddit
depending on your local laws, mind games might be more legal than murder ymmv
Ol_stinkler@reddit
Florida is a stand your ground state, also I said nothing about murder, sounds like they live on some rural property, where it usually socially acceptable to shoot on your own property. .308 flying overhead sounds fucking horrifying, I'd venture to say they think twice before trespassing again after that
olderdeafguy1@reddit
He's there, because nobody is making him leave. There is opportunity and easy pickings.
hettuklaeddi@reddit
and the answer is usually max kryptonite to 100
daveshops@reddit
Find him a mentally deranged girlfriend in the next town over
MJSeaTown@reddit
Get a pet skunk that wanders freely in the front and back yard
firsthand-smoke@reddit
just shoot him and claim stand your ground
AdrenochromeFolklore@reddit
Shoot him with paintballs.
amygoodman03@reddit
That’s honestly a really good idea. Painful and immediately effective, no permanent damage. Just remember to deny it if the police happen to get involved. Which they likely won’t because homeless people are often afraid of involving the authorities.
JudgementalChair@reddit
Had a similar experience at my old house. Mentally unwell man would always try to follow my girlfriend inside our old house. It became a reflex for us to unlock the door, go inside, and immediately relock the door because periodically he would try to open it and come inside. He'd swear up and down that it was his house, and he lived there. She'd tell him, "No, you don't, I live here" and he'd shuffle off to where ever he came from.
One day, I had been with my girlfriend somewhere, and we were both headed home in different cars. She got there right before me, parked, and headed inside. The creeper approached the door and tried to open it as I was parking, so I jumped out of my truck, got in his face, shoved him down the side-walk while dog cussing him and threatening to call the police.
We never saw him again after that.
amygoodman03@reddit
This is unfortunately what you have to do. Get aggressive with them. That said, be careful not to get within striking distance - they might have a knife. Someone was killed not far from me because he surprised a sleeping homeless guy. Mace, anger, aggression, threats, loud protective animals, shouting all help. Make it uncomfortable for them to be there and they will pick another target.
HashtagFour20@reddit
don’t you guys love the castle doctrine out there
sirlui9119@reddit
Stay with your MIL and when he comes again, open the door and blast an air horn in his face
oh_todd@reddit
Walk in front of him trespassing and stand your ground
Lexubex@reddit
Put him in an Uber, give the Uber driver a very good tip, and send him off to Mar-a-Lago.
Hardcorelogic@reddit
You made my morning with your comment. Good show 👍🔥
WhySoManyOstriches@reddit
Blackberries are a fantastic, cheap anti-trespassing tool. Set up your perimeter with just posts and wire mesh or simply 3-4 lines of heavier wire to serve as a trellis. Get bare root plants (check Craigslist for people selling them). Plant along your perimeter. Let them grow up, don’t cull the deadwood when winter hits. The needle-fine thorns will mean anyone will stop trying to slip through your perimeter.
Former_Lawfulness303@reddit
Added benefit: you will have tasty blackberries
Ok_Perception1131@reddit
Motion-activated sprinklers
iluvmypups@reddit
Motion activated water sprinkler
bagnap@reddit
https://www.bunnings.com.au/sureguard-scarecrow-motion-activated-water-spray-animal-repellent_p0276550?store=7313&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADtbEB_fa_K_WnwlI4ELFaMUR7I75&gclid=Cj0KCQiA-aK8BhCDARIsAL_-H9k4VNPzUV7Ny5B_Xp08JGjCIJdCnv1_DUp6mcc-_2-pM4tbf6kMhhsaAjHIEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds
JTEL918@reddit
Pepper spray for the appetizer. Louisville Slugger for the main course.
Impossible_Ad661@reddit
Water
BloodMoneyMorality@reddit
Make it criminal. Set up a “business charge” of using your property as a pass through and charge felony level theft money. Theft of SERVICE or use is taken seriously.
Interesting-Fail1645@reddit
I would get a goose.
basedgod-newleaf@reddit
Florida has a stand your ground and castle doctrine law. Tell your mother in law to buy a gun
EffReddit420@reddit
No. Bad idea.
Mushrooming247@reddit
Why would that be a bad idea? The police won’t do anything, a threatening man keeps coming to your house, would your strategy be to just wait for him to murder you?
dongbeinanren@reddit
Please explain
GrouchyVacation6871@reddit
Google
basedgod-newleaf@reddit
It’s a bad idea only if she has no training or knowledge about her state’s gun laws
Diligent_Barber3778@reddit
And for God's sake pay for some lessons for her from trained firearms instructors.
She needs confidence and competence with a firearm to use it properly when necessary.
Ok_Strategy5722@reddit
People are going to advise you to use a gun. While Florida IS a stand your ground state, and she could legally shoot at him, she doesn’t need to do this. She can simply shoot the gun into the ground in her backyard to scare him off. She should step outside, fire 2 shots into the ground, yell something about “this is your only warning”, and step back inside and lock the door.
My father has a .357 Magnum for this purpose, and while that gun is WELL suited for this purpose because it is LOUD, he also knows how to handle a firearm.
Your MIL doesn’t need to go that big, but if she does, make sure she gets lessons first so she doesn’t break her wrist. Remember, this is for intimidation, so the louder the better.
CosmicallyF-d@reddit
I live in Santa Monica where we have a huge problem with this. There's a man locally who has come up with an invention called the Blue chirper. It has seemingly worked very well and it's getting quite a bit of popularity.
Essentially it is a bright flashing blue light and the sound of crickets. It is quite annoying and bright and from the videos I've seen, drives people away from the area. You would have to place the box out of reach obviously and it won't cover an entire outside of the home you might need several.
He has so many orders he can't keep up at this point but you might get the idea of something with an annoying sound and flashing lights to work for you.
Anon761@reddit
Batman cosplay and stand around at night on a high spot and eyeball him.
dfin25@reddit
It's Florida, just fucking shoot him in the balls. Probably get a medal
reganz@reddit
Get motion activated sprinklers and the motion activated dog alarm.
ColdSmashedPotatoes4@reddit
I'd totally be in for the robosprinklers...
Far-Yogurtcloset-202@reddit
Did you try a sandwich and a glass of fucking water, and some kind words?
Shit will work miracles.
FraterAleph@reddit
Aztec death whistle
u3plo6@reddit
Sprinkler. Cops doing patrolled property checks. Security cameras and lights you can talk through or that have loud alarms. Also a dog.
WangusRex@reddit
https://a.co/d/bkyaoiP
Amplith@reddit
If he tries to open it isn’t that breaking and entering?
caltheme@reddit (OP)
He’s never tried to break or disable thr lock. Just tries to open, it’s locked, and walks away
MeatloafingAround@reddit
It's Florida... I think the solution is obvious here...
...alligators in the moat you're going to dig around her house.
Downtown_Guest_2021@reddit
If the property is fenced, get an alligator and put it in the yard, heard they love the taste of crazy people!!!!!
caltheme@reddit (OP)
Haha. House is on 2 lakes, gators are around when it’s warm
ConcentratePretend93@reddit
You need the equivalent of breadcrumbs to set him on a new path. Beer. Lead him to a place he would be happier. Far far away.
WoodSharpening@reddit
if the cops won't help you it's because you're not wealthy enough.
unethical tip for ya: stop being a lame ass average guy, become part of the capitalist class and be someone! then the cops will care..
Married_iguanas@reddit
lol your pfp with this comment 👌
Lonely_Coast1400@reddit
Old ppl are hard bc that don’t tend to do well with technology gadgets but if you can help her with set-up, these things helped me. I bought a $30 cam off Amazon and aimed it at the front door so I can see the door and the person at the door sees the camera right off (my door is glass but you could install at corner of door entry outside also). It’s been a better deterrent than I ever imagined. They are paranoid if they think they are being filmed. I also bought a motion senior for about $25 and it’s so stupidly loud. It’s annoying and it makes whoever walks up want to leave bc it makes a loud ding with each step or slight movement they make. So it easily “bells” 12 times with a knock, arms moving and a little back and forth movement of their feet. Fart bombs. If they are planning on lingering a while- I toss out an ampule when it’s safe. They don’t want my place anymore- lots of others to choose from so I rarely get one at my door anymore.
Silly_shilly@reddit
Make sure you put a tube sock over your baseball bat and explain why he isn’t going to be trespassing anymore. Even if he is crazy he should understand.
doodoo_clown@reddit
-BakiHanma@reddit
Act more crazy than them. That’ll scare them away.
Pegasus711_Dual@reddit
Could you keep a fierce dog chained up on the front porch? If it's legal in the state of Florida
Weird-Breakfast-7259@reddit
Get yourself a clown mask, one night find him, Tase him, tie him up. And have a friend drive him to ICP concert or Halloween if you can wait til then, after taking put him in the trunk After 9 hrs driving pull over open the trunk, Tase him again and dump him out with a bottle of his favorite liquor
Acetoxy420@reddit
Stay there for a few days. When he comes, open the door, and as he steps across the doorframe, shoot him in the head.
exotics@reddit
In my experience the only thing that scares of a deranged person is an even more deranged person. You gotta go there and be ten times more scary.
MissSweetMurderer@reddit
OP please record it because it's gonna be AAMMMMAAAZZZZZIIIINNNNNGGGGG
Amplith@reddit
I was going to say this…you could get really creative and have fun, but it could also backfire since you’re dealing with someone whose brain is not wired for reality.
cnycompguy@reddit
Having your mom walking around the yard using a 2 sided dildo as if it were a set of nun chuck could send the right vibes to scare him off.
Mikesoccer98@reddit
Not making any suggestions but I hear tell there are lots of swamps/wetlands and gators in Florida. Just a rumor.
Gossamare@reddit
Get a few air soft mines (the loud ones not the pellet ones) if he’s deranged then a little PTSD should really hammer down some good old paranoia - he will never step on a lawn again. Ever.
Mimixox90@reddit
Have her leave a couple of baggies of drugs outside her place for next time he comes. If he comes and gets them, call the police about a suspicious man that looks like he’s on drugs and he’ll get arrested for possession
GuodNossis@reddit
Grandma bout to catch a case of
_Volly@reddit
Invisible fence and a couple of German shepherds. He will run like hell and not come back
baked-chicken@reddit
Get a nice white van. Load him up and drive him many many miles away. Preferably 1-2 states over
Dronemaster-21@reddit
Electricity
Wooden-Discount7884@reddit
TROs should be easy to get if you have paperwork and video of her being harassed. I'd consider a security system, pepper spray, fencing/gate, neighborhood watch (he's probably menacing other people). If you have this person's info wonder if adult protective services would step in (like if they're elderly or disabled).
Just_Here_So_Briefly@reddit
Florida man?
caltheme@reddit (OP)
100%
RickShifty@reddit
Piss disk shooter from the mail slot.
VixenTraffic@reddit
It’s time to put up a fence with a locking gate and get a PO Box.