ULPT. What’s the most efficient way to puncture a car tyre?
Posted by Fraudulant_zipper@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 252 comments
Got a car that parks up and down my street, normally very badly. It creates chaos so I would like to inconvenience this man as much as it has me. Looking to quickly puncture a tyre, open to other suggestions too. The car is a Mini Clubman if that helps you dislike the car as much as me.
Crafty-Nature773@reddit
1mm drill bit in the side wall from a battery drill. Takes 1 second. ... Apparently. 🤭
ivebeencloned@reddit
Drywall screw between treads, installed from battery drill with Phillips head bit.
Crafty-Nature773@reddit
They can be repaired in the tread face. Side wall is a new tyre! 😂
peepers_meepers@reddit
I have a better plan. Put cat piss in the cabin air intake or place fish on top of it. It will smell HORRIBLE. It will be more chaotic than popping a tire.
PhancyLikker@reddit
Just curious, what's your preferred method of acquiring cat piss?
copperbeam17@reddit
Just talk to your local cat piss guy
coccopuffs606@reddit
Someone with a cat; ask them for the used litter. The bonus is you can sprinkle it on a bunch of stuff.
Or make friends with a vet tech and get a vial from when they do a urine draw
workitloud@reddit
Cat clumps. Put in French press. Pour boiling water, allow to steep. Magical cat piss brewing system.
Dramos1975@reddit
What if in early morning you are groggy and use wrong french press?..lmao
workitloud@reddit
Death, probably. :)
Dramos1975@reddit
That or be pissy all day..lmao
Weekly-Reputation482@reddit
Remind me never to drink coffee at your house.
WalnutSnail@reddit
Instructions unclear. Piss flavored coffee is not good.
workitloud@reddit
Give pissy French press to shitty neighbor.
WalnutSnail@reddit
No way am I falling for this again
coccopuffs606@reddit
That’s diabolical; I love it
workitloud@reddit
Give French press to dipshit neighbor.
UpAndDownIGo@reddit
cat piss discs
mamashepard@reddit
Put a can of tuna near the car eventually a male will come and mark territory
mamashepard@reddit
Better yet rub the tuna on the radiator
have2gopee@reddit
Why is there a tuna on the radiator? And why does it need a massage? Is this a spa for fish?
Outrageous_Act585@reddit
Oh come on now! You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna radiator!
mamashepard@reddit
Omg this has taken off in the best way 🤣
Rude_aBapening@reddit
Lmfao
show-me-the-numbers@reddit
You can order piss online. I get coyote piss from eBay.
Camburgerhelpur@reddit
You start off by buying multiple bulk packs of catnip seeds from Amazon and begin casually throwing seeds onto someone's yard as you drive by. Your cat piss profits will soon begin if those seeds germinate and begin growing uncontrollably
peepers_meepers@reddit
Cat piss store, duh
Ice-_-Bear@reddit
Hornet/wasp attractant refill is cheap and really horrible.
Any_Program_2113@reddit
Lindberger cheese in defrost ducts. Your welcome.
MoriartheChozen@reddit
You can also go to a hunting store and buy deer estrous (spelling might be off) its deer piss from a doe in heart. Can confirm this in the vents ruins a car.
SaltyPopcornKitty@reddit
I was going to mention that you can buy coyote pee and I’m sure it’ll be worse than cat pee - but I’m not a pee expert
dick_schidt@reddit
Open a gap in the sealing strip between the window and the door and pour it in there.
DrapersSmellyGlove@reddit
Fish oil is widely available.
Akumetsu199@reddit
My persona favorit is gluing a bb in the valve stem cap so the tyre keeps deflating. And they will never figure out why
soopirV@reddit
I love this so goddamn much.
rededelk@reddit
Yah or take the guts out if you the little tool
meadow-witch@reddit
Came here to say that. A small pebble works too.
Fraudulant_zipper@reddit (OP)
This is the good shit, thank you sir
Akumetsu199@reddit
saddest thing is i have an ass hole across the street that keeps parking in the street in a way that prevents us from backing in to our drive way but we all have cameras on the street so i cant do it and get away with it
Rude_Warning_5341@reddit
Leave your house at least a mile away, walk back to your neighborhood mask and hoodie on, do it.
Return later. Job done
jw3usa@reddit
This could be a new reddit service!! Post the location, and like the Photoshop requests, pay for someone to photograph themselves doing it.
Valve cap bb gluing - $50 Piss disc on intake vents - $25 Brake fluid on paint - $75 . . .
showerzofsparkz@reddit
Leave phone mile away
hettuklaeddi@reddit
even better imo, is a bb-sized pebble, tip it in the cap and screw it down until you hear it. when they go to fill up, the pebble will fall out, and it’s a mystery
Interesting-Fail1645@reddit
Lentil in the schrader valves.
WalnutSnail@reddit
Schrödinger's valve
skoalreaver@reddit
Is both opened and closed until you look at it
R2-Scotia@reddit
Stephen Hawking called bullshit
year_39@reddit
A practical suggestion with quite British affect.
ZiLBeRTRoN@reddit
Combine them. Glue a pebble. I don’t think I’d ever notice/think about something in the cap, and if they do notice, they will just think it’s stuck. That way it keeps deflating.
hettuklaeddi@reddit
then put a sock on it so if they try to take it off all they get is a sock
somebody should 3d print a self deflating cap that only spins on
skoalreaver@reddit
Or buy a valve stem puller and pull the core out of the valve it's empty all the time and they take it and try to fill it up and it stays empty
Ice-_-Bear@reddit
Just spin it out a bit bro 😎
areyoueatingthis@reddit
cutting the valve is faster though
skoalreaver@reddit
Truth
limellama1@reddit
They can't park for shit. But you're going to slash a tire, thereby making the car sit where it's at, parked like shit even longer?
city_posts@reddit
Don't be a bitch just go stab it with a knife but maybe use one with a hilt since you probably don't have a string grip or are prepared for the impact and your hand might slide down the blade and cut your fingers off
maddiejake@reddit
Came here to say that and you beat me to it
SmartAssaholic@reddit
Use a schrader to just barely loosen it. Wanna try to make it so it just barely leaks.
JdotO11@reddit
You fucking MONSTER
I love you...
MjrLeeStoned@reddit
Get a paintball gun.
Go to the opposite side of the street from your home and shoot the car once on the driver door.
The next time, shoot it twice.
The next time, three times. They might get the idea. If not, keep adding one each time until they do.
amygoodman03@reddit
Had good results with eggs doing this.
landwomble@reddit
If you do this, when you get to five you need to screwdriver a line across them all instead of a new dent 😆
No-Paramedic7860@reddit
Knife
gtjacket09@reddit
The nail is the best answer
Say_no_to_doritos@reddit
It's easily fixed though.
bdash1990@reddit
Nah nah. Les Schwab will fix that for free. Make sure it goes through the sidewall.
WankWankNudgeNudge@reddit
Big inconvenience for them and it doesn't add a tire to a landfill. It's a good happy medium
No-Paramedic7860@reddit
I was just trying to inconvenience the man. Lol
eightgrand@reddit
Put the nail thru a potato make sure it stays in an angle.
AbroadRemarkable7548@reddit
Use a wire dog. Its kind of a ‘Z’ shape, so the way it site, it’s almost guaranteed to puncture the tyre
pinkypowerchords@reddit
You should be able to wedge it just fine without that
Downtown_Guest_2021@reddit
Another good idea, dip a tooth pick in superglue, pug it in door lock break off flush, I’ve also seen wipers glued to windshield,,,,, axle grease on backside of door handle, will find it when they go to open door , bonus if you use never seize lubricant, silver grease will be everywhere, doesn’t hardly ever come off of hands without vigorous scrubbing and lots of soap,,,, I’ve also seen harmonicas zip ties to bumpers/ grills ,
Dronemaster-21@reddit
Caltrops
show-me-the-numbers@reddit
Unnecessary and a felony in some states.
Dronemaster-21@reddit
The way he spelled tyre, there are no felonies there.
show-me-the-numbers@reddit
Touche, sir.
Berkulese@reddit
Just wanted to point out, having once stood on a bit of square section steel box bar stuff that had been cut off diagonally, yh, really good at piercing stuff and totally deniable. Just a piece of random metalwork scrap that got trailed into the street
Downtown_Guest_2021@reddit
Ice pick works wonders, and hard to find the hole, side note, most insurance companies, won’t pay a vandalism claim if only three tires are slashed, so only poke three and break one glass, glass is hard to vacuum up, will most likely take three or times to get most of glass out of carpet, bonus if glass goes in defroster vents,think recurring blasting of glass in face when defrosters goes on !!!!!!! To insure this doesn’t happen, most shops will have to remove dash and clean the airbox out, guess what in’s, cos rarely pay for? Dash removals !!!!!!! Could cost bad Parker a couple of thousands !!!!! Also animal urine such as fox can be purchased online and poured in vents, super hard to remove,,,,
Ilurked410yrs@reddit
Side cutters, just walk along , clip and the valve stems gone. Less efficient would be to wedge a razor blade under the Tyre, that way when they drive forward it's gonna impale the Tyre and by the time it's flat they've driven away.
Deathglass@reddit
I heard self knocking screws are good for hitting the sidewall.
jah41505@reddit
If you are looking for efficiency walk by with a pocket knife in hand and stsb the outter wall of the tire.
Doesn't get much more efficient than that.
There are some good ideas here but they take too much time and effort.
vandon@reddit
Don't puncture the tire, if you get caught it will be trouble.
Instead, go buy a tire stem core tool and remove the valve core. Same effect, but you can say "It's Just a joke bro!" Especially if you leave the core on their wiper blade. They're not likely to notice it, but worst case, along with the joke line you can tell the cops, "Look, I even left the corr right here"
GoodGoodGoody@reddit
Still illegal.
Disabling or tampering with a vehicle often falls under mischief, vandalism, trespass, or danger to the public statues.
thebackupquarterback@reddit
And?
vandon@reddit
Lots of stuff is illegal. Plenty of pranks are technically illegal. I'm just giving ideas that can be played off as a prank and just get a "Don't do it again" from a cop instead of an arrest or fine.
GoodGoodGoody@reddit
First you made a stupid suggestion and now you’re trying the “It was just a joke, man” thing.
vandon@reddit
Wasn't a joke it was a suggestion to use a "prank" as cover. And dude, maybe this sub isn't for you. Head on over to r/LegalLifeProTips if you are so concerned.
GoodGoodGoody@reddit
It’s “unethicalLPT” not do “Do something really stupid dumb tip”
Positive-Wonder3329@reddit
Go eat a donut
IrradiantFuzzy@reddit
Look again at the sub name, then delete your comments, and fuck off.
Weekly-Reputation482@reddit
Who shat on your windshield? No one's telling you what to do, just whether it's legal or not.
Acceptable_Employ_95@reddit
That’s better than my idea but much slower. My idea was to just cut off the valve stem
Most-Piccolo-302@reddit
Put a small rock under the cap of the stem and leave it a bit loose. Air comes out, tire gets flat, no damage done.
jawide626@reddit
Or a bb works too if you don't want to mess with the core
talmejespi@reddit
BB is too obvious.
EmperorMaugs@reddit
I have had this happen after getting a tire filled at a gas station, somehow a small bit of rock got stuck in the valve and by the time I was home, the tire was flat.
studiokgm@reddit
At least that’s what you think… someone could have been getting even with you for parking like a dick.
vandon@reddit
They also make stem pullers that are very fast and you can leave the whole stem on the wiper.
However, harder to play off as a joke since you have to go to a shop to get it put back in.
That_CDN_guy@reddit
You don't remove them, you loosen each of them a different amount. Now they have four slow leaks.
ProfessorChaosQC@reddit
Came here to say this!
Jealous-Friendship34@reddit
Me too! Stem removal is the way
Live-Motor-4000@reddit
A punctured tyre is going to ensure that the car stays put in the place that inconveniences you. Also, property damage could come back onto you. I have seen people here talk about wheel dollies, which will allow you to move the car into the middle of the road and get it towed
Shamino79@reddit
Thus the nail or tek screw against the tyre so it punctures as they drive away and it goes flat somewhere else.
Live-Motor-4000@reddit
Love it - You evil genius!
Keyboardpaladin@reddit
In my complex I have people that park against the curb RIGHT NEXT TO EMPTY SPOTS and nothing ever gets done about it by the complex so it happens all the time even though it's super illegal. Can't I just call a tow truck on them and pretend to work for the complex if I have to to get them towed? I am so sick of these people parking like that because you can't see if someone is coming around them, it's super unsafe.
Playerdouble@reddit
Even better, you don’t have to pretend to be anyone. Anyone can call a tow company to tow an illegally parked car. That’s how most of them get their revenue. Random people calling up to get cars towed from spots they’re not supposed to be in.
Keyboardpaladin@reddit
Ok cool I just wasn't sure if I was allowed to do that. I mean I've literally seen some of them park and walk away from their car when they're completely preventing a person from backing out or they park AT a stop sign and leave the car. And to be clear, most of the time, they aren't running inside real quick to get something they forgot, I can can come back hours later and the car will still be there. I am DEFINITELY getting these fuckers towed now, I have had so much rage built up for them for so long lol
Lucky-Elk-1234@reddit
If they’re blocking people from getting out then yeah call a tow truck. They’ll tow it and ask questions later.
adognamedpenguin@reddit
Call them in advance. Give them a heads up this happens often at this spot. Better if it’s regular and you know the times.
4orust@reddit
Aiui, they'll only come out if called by the owner or management (because it's private property). It might also have to be the contracted tow company.
Charlie24601@reddit
Last time I did that, they told me the POLICE had to tell them to tow the car. I could not.
nhp890@reddit
I’m sure I’m misunderstanding the issue, but can you explain why parking against the kerb is wrong?
JohnnyOhio@reddit
Get them a nice window sticker with the message of your choice. https://customstickershop.us/shop/make-your-own-custom-text-rear-window-decal-sticker/
JohnnyOhio@reddit
https://www.lowes.com/pd/VEVOR-Wheel-Lock-2-Packs-Universal-Wheel-Clamp-Lock-Adjustable-Anti-Theft-Trailer-Lock-Wheel-Clamp-Heavy-duty-Steel-Tire-Lock-for-ATV-RV-SUV-Car-Golf-Cart-Boats-Motorcycles-with-6-Keys/5015389499?
Sarionum@reddit
Where's the obligatory piss disc comment?
angerintensifies@reddit
Sorry, I slept in:
"Piss Disk"
R2-Scotia@reddit
Valve core tool
globefish23@reddit
Makeshift caltrops with nails in a piece of rubber or soft plastic
MrGabogab0@reddit
Roofing nails. They come from the store in caltrop form. https://images.app.goo.gl/ZwaE5Vy87dt5NTzJ7
Dasrule@reddit
Firebomb the fucking car
whitestone0@reddit
You can always do the Miami special and throw some bent nails or something similar to call traps underneath the wheels as you walk past. They'll go flat when they move the car.
Aggravating-Arm-3569@reddit
Roofing nails.
cabeachguy_94037@reddit
Ice pick if you are nefarious. Spray paint it black to avoid shiny reflections picked up by doorbell cameras.
Grphx@reddit
Deflate the tire about half way, then refill it using a can of fix-a-flat. Be sure to do this to all 4 of his tires. Then place a nail in front/behind each tire, but place them closer to the inside of the tire so they won't be able to see it when they walk up and the closer it gets to the sidewall of the tire, the less chance a tire shop will want to patch his tire and try to sell him a new tire. That can of fix-a-flat will ruin the $50 tire pressure sensor, per tire.
While you're down there, zip tie a couple zip ties to the drive shaft if it's a rear wheel drive vehicle.. that noise it makes when he goes to drive will really confuse him
ChcknHeadDuckFeet@reddit
With the pointy end
Cardchucker@reddit
If it's a state where you put a year sticker on your license plate to show your registration is current, take a razor blade and remove theirs.
Report an abandoned car. It may get towed, or at least the owner will get pulled over at some point and have to deal with the DMV.
North178@reddit
Low-key, does not require special equipment, maximum effort - I love it.
callmechaddy@reddit
Put horrible racist stickers all over it and let the people go to work
year_39@reddit
A union jack valve cap with a BBin it, tightened just enough that it slowly deflates and leaves them stranded at work.
Logbotherer99@reddit
So, apparently small screws, about 1/2" or so, are one of the most common causes of punctures. They are short enough to get flipped up on end...
talmejespi@reddit
Confirmed. Got a flat from a stupid wood screw just like this.
Deep-Palpitation-421@reddit
Throw some small pieces of bread on the car. The birds will do the rest
talmejespi@reddit
Yes I like this.
fairfield293@reddit
I mean, efficient? There's always the gatling gun
BigPoppaSnow@reddit
Take a knife place the tip against the sidewall of the tire. Then place your hip/thigh into the back of the knife and just slowly use your body weight to steadily push the knife into the tire. Don’t try to stab or slash at it.
binger5@reddit
Efficient: bullet.
Discrete: knife.
WillumDafoeOnEarth@reddit
Sneakier is to wear a tree climbing gaff backwards, meaning the spike is on the outside of your leg.
As you walk past it you “gaff” the sidewall & keep walking like nothing happened.
Skeggy-@reddit
Sneakier sneaky is to use a $5 schrader valve tool to remove the tire valve and put the cap back on.
Cool sneakier is replacing tree climbing gaff with sharp spurs and whispering yeehaw after the deed is done.
mydistainforreddit@reddit
If it’s a rubber/plastic valve cap, it won’t stay on a deflating valve stem
Skeggy-@reddit
Yes. Will fit nice and snug after deflated. Tires deflate pretty dang fast under the weight of the vehicle.
mydistainforreddit@reddit
Not wrong, just pretty noisy when they dump like 5psi per second
Skeggy-@reddit
Gotta cough when you deflate. Do it all the time when I fart in public. Ha
WillumDafoeOnEarth@reddit
That’s a good method but takes time & you usually have to kneel down to get the valve out.
I like the gaff & go option.
Skeggy-@reddit
I guess op can whisper yeehaw anyways lol
Difficult-Quality647@reddit
More efficient: pellet from an air rifle. Discreet and quiet.
mydistainforreddit@reddit
Still pretty dang loud
Weekly-Reputation482@reddit
You reckon a pellet will puncture the sidewall?
mydistainforreddit@reddit
Depends on the gun and the distance but yes, it will be a tiny slow leak
Difficult-Quality647@reddit
Yes. Given the right airgun and pellet. People hunt wild boar with airguns ..
nevergirls@reddit
“ guns for show knives for a pro”
mydistainforreddit@reddit
All of the people recommending that the valve core be removed, be advised: a tire dumping pressure like that is LOUD
grimmalkin@reddit
Forget going for the tires, get a spark plug and make some ninja rocks, a cheap or home made slingshot and you can take out every window he has. If the CCTV is mounted up high you can conceal your shenanigans from under an umbrella, pro tip is to only do it on a rainy day and wear concealing clothing regardless. And since COVID happened you can get away with wearing a mask in public
xcursionn_@reddit
Poke a hole.
manlymann@reddit
Pour milk down the air intake
DookieDanny@reddit
I used side cutters to snip the valve stem off
Personal_titi_doc@reddit
Can you explain how it causes the inconvenience ?
Ok-Subject-9114b@reddit
Just be careful, ring cameras are everywhere
superwoman7588@reddit
Ice pick
djfdhigkgfIaruflg@reddit
Remove the valve's core. There's a cheap tool it that, but can also be done with a small screwdriver (twist counter clockwise)
knucklegoblin@reddit
Just rip the valve stems inner but out. It’ll deflate the tire and the owner probably wouldn’t guess to look within the valve stems.
TimV14@reddit
Maybe not the most efficient, but highly effective. Remove one of the brake caliper bolts. Normally the higher one. The caliper will eventually swing out and puncture the wheel.
eubands@reddit
Just take out the valve stem No real property damage
freudsuncle@reddit
Paint remover in a small just splash some everytime you pass the car and make them to repaint the car
show-me-the-numbers@reddit
Screw into the tire in the tread but and inch from the sidewall. Won't leak fast enough to strand the vehicle. Tire is a total loss.
grundelcheese@reddit
Remove the valve stem. There is a good chance he will drive on it and ruin the tire all by himself self.
SeanFrank@reddit
Just place a single roofing nail in front of the tire. They have a wide flat head, so they stand upright nicely.
And it won't deflate immediately, so they'll have the flat somewhere down the road, and find a nail commonly used in construction in their tire.
The downside is that it's an easily fixed with a plug or patch.
VetusLatina@reddit
Lentils
MrStoneV@reddit
I had to look way too far down to find this here lmao
Key-Loquat6595@reddit
Please explain
MrStoneV@reddit
if he didnt, I will:
Take lentis with you, go to the car and open the valve (or more like the cover of it) and put a lentis in there and close it again (screw it in again). AFAIK the lentis has the right shape to deflate the tyre be pressing the lentis on the valve with the cap that you just screwed in.
Easy as that
AdministrativeKick77@reddit
I'm about to downvote for this half-ass comment.
Poundcake9698@reddit
I'm waiting for an update
Meester_Gus@reddit
The fuck?
Fraudulant_zipper@reddit (OP)
Tell me more about
josepippen@reddit
Just stab it bro, don’t slash. Stab.
nw342@reddit
Knife to the sidewall. Just stab, dont slice, or it'll go boom. And make sure its the side so they have to replace, not patch.
laowaixiabi@reddit
An awl.
Super easy.
dj_boy-Wonder@reddit
Nail in the sidewall, can’t patch a sidewall gotta replace the tyre
EliezerNachum@reddit
You should probably tell him/her what you're planning before doing it. That might solve the problem. If not, and you move to plan b, at least you gave them a choice. Like in The Equalizer.
Impossible_Egg929@reddit
The Mini will most likely have run flat tyres anyway
Rachel_Silver@reddit
The most satisfying way to approach this is to have the tire pop when they start driving.
Get a flat iron bar from Home Depot. You'll also need a metal file and a hacksaw (or an angle grinder). Cut the bar into three inch lengths, and make two 45° cuts on one end of each. Bevel the edges of the angled sides, then bend each one in the middle at 90°. Put one on each side of the tire you want destroyed. Set them point up with the base pointed away from the tire. As soon as the car starts moving... POP!!!
No_Welder_1043@reddit
Or put a tiny stone inside the dust cap of the tyres. The goes down, but no damage.
buggybird1@reddit
Likely mentioned but if not, don’t puncture it. That’s a 1 time fix. BB in the cap on the air stem of each tire (or pick 1 it will cause enough chaos). They will never find the BB and constantly have a flat.
One_Explanation_908@reddit
Pls explain further?
J_IV24@reddit
Get a valve core tool and loosen it up until it starts leaking. No vandalism and no theft involved
1quirky1@reddit
Nick the valve stem with a box cutter. This requires removing the tire to fix. Not expensive but a pain in the ass.
Own_Plan_7464@reddit
Frozen piss disc.
soverythere@reddit
Get a valve stem screwdriver. They fit in your pocket and take about 10 seconds to remove the valvestem, which let's the air out very quickly while being very difficult to pinpoint as the cause if not seen by a machanic
jawide626@reddit
Get yourself a Schrader valve core tool and undo the dustcap, put this in and give it a half turn anticlockwise, replace dust cap. The tyre will slowly deflate and even when pumped back up will deflate again. They'll look around the tyre but won't see a puncture so will go to a tyre shop who will either be good samaritans and find the problem quickly and tighten the core for free or will have the car owner buy a whole new tyre. Bonus points if the tyre shop don't tighten the valve core (or don't replace it) so air slowly leaks out of the new tyre too. Most people will be too concerned about the tyre or a puncture to even consider the valve core itself.
Jealous-Ad-214@reddit
Snip the fill tube stem. use gardening nippers. Prevents reinflation and far easier than trying to slash it.
LoserweightChampion@reddit
I mean I hate lentils, but I don’t know if that’s gonna work.
GenderOobleck@reddit
Surprised to see no recs for bananas up the tailpipe.
https://youtu.be/orH6ZSY0W1o
Laketraut@reddit
A knife? What kind of stupid question is this?
Secure_Ship_3407@reddit
Get a vice grip and yank the valve stems off the tires. They'll have to remove each tire and take them to a shop to have the valve stems replaced. Cheaper than buying new tires but what a hassle having to change 4 valve stems.
MonkeyBrains09@reddit
Tape some dead fish inside the bumpers and while your down there, write a nice note to future mechanics that car owner does not like to pay his bills. Hopefully future mechanics turn down work so they have to spend extra time looking for one.
walkawaysux@reddit
Ice pick is best
nasaglobehead69@reddit
place a screw directly in front or behind their tire. when they start moving, their tire is immediately punctured, but they don't notice for a while. they could have hit that screw anywhere along their route
nejakyandrej@reddit
Just deflate the tire by unscrewing the valve cap and pressing the stem.
Useful-Pattern-5076@reddit
Dog poop on the underside of the door handle
Aggressive-Sea-5701@reddit
Roofing nails in the driveway.
Zestyclose-Cap1829@reddit
.22 pistol with subsonic ammo and a supressor.
Fit-Elderberry5510@reddit
Make sure to only pop 3 tires. They will have to replace all four anyway so it adds insult to injury as it where.
slickITguy@reddit
Hello non-emergency police phone number person? Yes I can smell a strong odor coming from outside. It's a combination of roadkill and weed. I noticed it when this Mini Clubman parked on the street. Can you come make sure there's no-one deceased in the car? Thanks
teakesdad@reddit
1.remove valve cap 2. Insert tiny pebble 3. Install superglue to inside of cap 4. Screw cap back on ensuring constant slow leak.
Cynical_Tripster@reddit
Superglue a BB in the air cap, it will SLOWLY leak, they'll get it checked for holes, refill it, etc. The BB will keep leaking air. No one ever checks inside the tiny little cap.
emdess8578@reddit
Place a brick on the windshield.
HRzNightmare@reddit
FYI if the MINI is an "S" model then it doesn't have a spare tire. This mean they don't have a spare to change it to, but it's also harder to flatten their toes as the OEM tires are runflats, which have a much thicker/stronger sidewall to penetrate.
-GenghisJuan-@reddit
Put a nail leaning under one of the tires. When they drive off the nail punctures the tire and they won't know how they got it. Keep doing till needed.
SlowSupermarket8593@reddit
Roofing nails
Personal_Shoulder983@reddit
Butter his windscreen
Rhinomeat@reddit
Car Tire Valve Stem Core Removal Tool https://a.co/d/fB7pqAa
Don't puncture it, just loosen the valve stem core. The tire won't hold air. Do one front and one rear on different sides, alternate tires when it keeps happening.
manicmechanic209@reddit
kneel down to tie your shoe near them and plant a few of these
Tasty-Adhesiveness66@reddit
just remove the cap from the air filler hole and throw them in a sewer. And only 3 cause 4 will cause the insurance to pay for it
srslydudebros@reddit
Vaseline on wipe blades. Pull the blade up and put it right on the bottom. Pro tip: Use the squeeze tube to keep it off your hands. You can also put it on the backside of door handles.
If it’s cold, squirt water into the key holes.
Pour dairy(or liquid ass) in the fresh air intake usually at the bottom of the windshield.
Inevitable_Shift1365@reddit
Slashing a tire is illegal. That being said, if you absolutely must do it, the best way is just simply to stick a knife into the sidewall of the tire. Takes 2 seconds. If you slash the sidewall it cannot be repaired it must be replaced.
DirtySteveW@reddit
Ice pick
Ok-Aspect5007@reddit
If it’s a Mini it may have runflats and it won’t be as much of an inconvenience as you hope
Fraudulant_zipper@reddit (OP)
The irony!
Embarrassed_Flan_869@reddit
First: Vaseline on the wiper blades.
Then throw mud or something on the windshield.
Puncturing the tire is risky. Better to put a BB in the cap, glue it in, and you get a slow leak. 2 is always better than 1.
Emergency_Mistake_44@reddit
Vaseline on the wiper blades will just smear the windscreen and cause an accident to probably everyone but the perpetrator.
senadraxx@reddit
Vaseline on the door handle of the car though... Mixed with liquid ass.
Sugarloafer1991@reddit
Lol
BigBeeOhBee@reddit
James Bond dagger boots.
Fraudulant_zipper@reddit (OP)
This is ultimately the correct answer.
Hardhathero_369@reddit
If you’ve got time and aren’t worried about being seen, just grab a valve tool and take out the valve core—then toss it. And if you really want to send a message, once the tire’s deflated, fill that hole with super glue. But if you’re in a rush, just grab a sharp awl and jab it right into the sidewall.
PublicSealedClass@reddit
I love this
Aufdie@reddit
Valve stem puller. Slashing tires feels wasteful. It's a little rod with a hinge and a female connection. You screw it onto the valve stem and then use the rod as a lever to yank it out. Takes about a second and makes a loud noise. Do it every few weeks randomly and then make a necklace out of them to leave hanging from his mirror and do it again.
ThatGuyHadNone@reddit
Take your frozen piss disk and lick it into a sharp point. Stabby stabby
senadraxx@reddit
Can you stab a tire with a broken piss disc? Science wants to know. That's like peak Reddit right there.
stump0331@reddit
drill a hole in it with a small drill bit
Ilike3dogs@reddit
Put a small screw under a tire and let him drive over it
ViSuo@reddit
What happened with the ol’ key to the door? Otherwise no idea how to puncture a tyre safely.
Lirfen@reddit
Puncture safely? Remove the valve cap, press the pin to depressurize the tyre all the way down, wear your PPE (gloves, glasses), get a drill and some drill bits and slowly drill in. That should be very safe :D
binger5@reddit
That's an annoyance, because you can still drive the car. It's not even something that must be fixed if the owner chooses not to for whatever reason.
octopus4488@reddit
Carve a word in it and he will.
uglybushes@reddit
The smallest car in America is bothering you? Maybe it’s you
BuddyBrownBear@reddit
Knife the sidewall.
Acceptable_Employ_95@reddit
and/or the valve stem
FreeShat@reddit
Let it down first then stab it
OhTheHueManatee@reddit
Get a valve core remover and remove the valve core. You won't get the loud pop sound from puncturing it. Once the air is out you could use a tool to clip the valve stem off so the tire can't be easily fixed.
Legitimate_Gas8540@reddit
Slice off the valve stem
Beefcakeandgravy@reddit
No.
Cut it only 1/2 way through. That way it looks normal and holds air but when the wheel rotates, the centrifugal force opens up the slit in the valve stem and deflates the tyre some convenient (to you) distance away from the scene of the crime.
notredamedude3@reddit
Bullet.
Legendderry@reddit
Be late for work already. It'll happen for you.
SotetBarom@reddit
Steal the valve.
fixit858@reddit
Two other dudes and roll it on the roof
nopalitzin@reddit
this
Alex_of_Ander@reddit
Piss disc
cmndrkeen@reddit
Sharp knife, cut the stem. Make sure you get multiple tires so they can't just throw on a spare.
No-Mushroom-5357@reddit
Stabbing it is not the most effective way. You’ll potentially slice your hand open from the pressure of it if that makes sense.
babicko90@reddit
Temu, tyre spikes or barbs. Place one in front of each tyre, or behind. Use gloves
jcobsm@reddit
A single nail pointed vertical right in front of his tire so that when he pulls out of the spot it discreetly punctures his tire and nobody else gets affected