When you look back at your childhood, as an adult in the UK, what do you resent your parents for the most?

Beating the shit out of my mum, then beating the shit out of my siblings and I, pitting is against one another, manipulation, coercive control, mental abuse… all the generic overarching ‘abuse’ stuff. Nothing sexual but it did still affect my future relationships. This was my first experience of how men are, how men treat women, how I should expect to be treated by a man etc. don’t tell a girl “he pulls your hair because he likes you” then wonder why they end up with a shithead. Also, the main thing I learned was that you forgive them anything because they say they love you. My dad had a shitty upbringing. He was on his own. It was difficult for him. Yeah, all the things I as a (recently diagnosed) neurodivergent just believed as valid justifications. Thing is. Now I’m a parent, I had a shitty upbringing, I’m on my own, it’s very difficult for me as I’m living elsewhere with no family nearby now …. But I don’t lift a hand to my child!! I do the odd time raise my voice but that stern eye is usually enough. There’s a choice to make, own your trauma, take responsibility for it and learn to heal or at least be on that path, or pass it on to the innocent little child/ren you’re responsible for. Don’t get me wrong, it’s damn hard to constantly be self aware, knowing you’re conditioned to go from 0-60 in the blink of an eye, to always have to be alert to your triggers and knowing how to block the reactions you were taught. But hard as it is, it’s still so much easier to raise a happy child than it is to fix a broken adult. I have driven myself into the ground and been broken down in so many ways. I’m on so much medication that I rattle but so far, 11 years in, I have not and I WILL not been a source of fear for her. I NEVER want her to look at me how I looked at him. This home is her safe place in an overwhelming world full of stuff she doesn’t know yet. Anger and frustration are emotions just like joy and excitement. It’s our job to nurture, guide and teach them how to manage every one of their vast number of emotions and combinations of them. Not to tell them they can’t have them. Some identify with the aggressor - “now it’s MY turn to be the boss” but it’s not the only way. Break the cycle, tell yourself “I didn’t like it, I don’t want others to go through that, it stops here, it ends with me” and let that be your waking mantra every second of your day. Just to add, Kids can still sometimes grow up to be assholes, but at least it won’t be because you traumatised them lol