Deciding to return to US from CH

Posted by spicytomatilloo@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 10 comments

My SO and I (both American citizens) have been living in Zurich, Switzerland since 2020. Despite it being a very difficult transition (COVID), we have fallen in love with many aspects of this country and sincerely enjoy living in Zurich. That being said, while we have enjoyed our time, we cannot get past the feeling of not being at home here. Prior to the election, we had decided we would return if Harris won. Unfortunately, this did not happen and yet, we still want to go home. More context coming...

My SO and I initially moved over here for my job. My SO did not work for a while due to issues transferring his credentials and not speaking a fluent enough level of German. Eventually, he secured work in his field, but is a contractor, meaning that his income is not consistent. Also, work is feast or famine. There are some months were the company gets a lot of work, others where it's near nil. In the States, he would have far more opportunities plus be able to work as FT employee. Many spouses in this situation end up having to change careers here, this is not an option in our case. This is issue #1.

We both have made efforts to learn German and at this stage we both speak between an A2-B1 level, but this doesn't help with integrating as Swiss German is the local language and impossible to learn as we are trying to get a grasp on German. I understand this is the language, but this country makes it very difficult and almost shames you if you do not speak at a fluent level. It has been hard to increase the language skills due to scheduling and cost. Language classes are a fortune here. My SO and I have had to trade off when we take courses as the classes can cost half of our rent or more.

The third issue we have is a lack of feeling grounded here. We have some good friends, even a few Swiss friends. We are working on our language skills and contribute towards society and have hobbies we have joined, but we still feel like we cannot imagine ourselves here in the long term. It's hard to explain, but it feels like we live half a life sometimes. Being away from our families and close friends back home is incredibly hard, especially as our parents are in their 70s. We do not have children yet, but it saddens us to potentially raise kids away from their families (yes, there are issues in the US), plus childcare is insanely expensive. If our kids can't hack it in the local schools, we will have to send them to pricey private schools, just so that they can have a shot at being able to have opportunities. This doesn't sit well with me, and as two foreign parents, I feel like we would be up against many challenges. We also will never own a home here whereas in the US, we would get to have something that is ours. We have unfortunately experienced the situation here where our landlord decided to no longer rent out our apartment, forcing us to have to find a new place at an even higher cost. We are fatigued of this.

Anyways, I share this complaints because they are at the core of why we want to move back. We have visited the US several times a year since we have been back, we are aware of the issues, we are disappointed in the political outcome and have concerns for what may come, but also staying here doesn't feel like it is the best option either. The best way I can put is like this: we have maximized our time and opportunities here but we have hit this concrete wall. I wanted to put this out here to see if anyone else has similar experiences and thoughts. What did you end up deciding? How do you feel about your decision? Unfortunately, this is a topic I cannot have IRL with people here due to work and also judgment.

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demondogoverlord@reddit

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope your feelings of sadness and loneliness there do not push you to make a decision about returning to the U.S. that you may regret. I suggest waiting to see what the Trump administration and Musk do in the next year before making any major decisions about relocating to the US. There is a reason you and your partner made the results of the election a factor in your decision. It's not a trivial thing, especially since you are planning to have children. I live in the states and always have, but we are making a heavy hearted decision about whether to leave soon, as are several friends and family members.

Is there anywhere else outside the U.S. that is English speaking where you may have a better experience connecting and building a chosen family? If you try another country where you may fit in better, then build more community and a family of your own, you can still miss things about the U.S, while avoiding the very serious problems we have.

Some of the things you are worried about in Switzerland are true here. Childcare is comparable to rent or a mortgage where I live. You may very well end up sending your kid to private school here, too (look at what is happening in education in the U.S.). am a teacher who loves her job, her husband, and her community. That being said, I can't even consider having children here. It's absurd to type it out, but if you stay away from the U.S., you will never have to explain to your children what a school shooting is. Your child can potentially avoid the insanely high rates of child and teen suicide here (it's the 2nd leading cause of death among 10 year olds in the U.S.)

I wish we could teleport all of our friends and family who make us feel at home to a safer community somewhere else.

worldisbraindead@reddit

Honestly...don't get hung-up on who is President. I think that's a huge mistake. It's not really going to impact the average person's life. He was president for four years already. It's not like he's some big unknown mystery. Everything will be fine. I'm in my 60's and can't think of one president who made my life or my state of happiness better or worse. I love debating politics, but really...most of that shit is out of our control. Don't let it rule your life or your state of being.

If your language skills are A-2 to B-1 after four years, it's clearly a struggle. And, being of German heritage, I totally get how people will look down at you. There is no shame in shifting gears and moving home. Don't beat yourselves up. You had an amazing adventure that you will always have fond memories of. Maybe it's time to go back and regroup?

The bottom line is that this should be a discussion between the two of you. What any of your family or friends have to say is somewhat meaningless.

zyine@reddit

Whichever US State you're considering also has a lot of importance in your decision.

spicytomatilloo@reddit (OP)

We would be moving to either the Northeast (i.e. Mass or Connecticut) or Minnesota.

SweetAlyssumm@reddit

Those states are good options. You don't have to apologize to anyone for preferring to move back to the US. You had some good times in Europe.

If you have children, family will make a huge difference.

Seo_Incheon@reddit

How about staying in Zurich for another year or two to figure out your next steps? You may want to even start having a child sooner than later in CH. When the kid(s) are older I agree that is easier to raise them in the US, but you have still 2-3 years to worry about that. However, if you move back to the Northeast now, you’ll be stuck in the day-to-day life there and never will have the opportunity to live abroad again.

Enjoy the advantages of being in Europe and travel as much as you can - Italy is a few hours away by car/train! Hike and ski these beautiful outdoors in the Alps! Fly to London or Amsterdam over the weekend!

Have your friends (maybe your older parents as well provided they can fly?) come join you for a week or two in Zurich. Show them around - you are the “locals”.

Don’t worry about the language: Swiss people will never accept you either way. High German may help you later in your careers, Swiss German is not common at all.

I hear you, and as we have lived here for 5 years, we have certainly taken advantage of living in Europe and all the excitement that comes with. It has been fun, but we are looking to build a more sustainable and stable life, surrounded by loved ones. It has been an adventure and living abroad is something I always encourage others to experience, but if it doesn't click for the longterm, it's ok to acknowledge that there are more important things than the travel and fun that comes with living here. In any case, I am already looking into options for a transition or transfer back and depending on if there is a viable route to return to the States, I feel fairly confident that we have taken it.

zypet500@reddit

If I were you I’d think longer term. If you stayed for 10 years, will these problems still exist? Why did you want to live in Switzerland in the first place? Everything you mentioned is the result of transition and I feel like that’s inevitable in some countries. It’s the short term cost you have to pay. Going back to US will be easier for sure but do you want to be in the US 10 years from now?

Ultimately it’s a personal choice, but I would choose based on what I want my life to be 5-10 years from now, and not what’s easier today

Tardislass@reddit

It sounds like you have made a list of the pros and cons of each place. My theory is that you only live once. I would give America a year and see how you like being back. Don't buy a home yet just rent to see about career and your feelings.

Despite America's problems at the moment, y9u can have a decent life here if you can get a job and housing. Be prepared for the avalanche of people telling you not to move.

I appreciate that. We are FULLY aware of the issues plaguing our country, meanwhile we don't know what Trump 2.0 will look like. Objectively, I believe we could have a fuller life in the US.