what is a apporpriate reaction to a "no cold caller" sign getting ignored?
Posted by Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit | AskUK | View on Reddit | 306 comments
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Mrs__Rat@reddit
Hubby worked nights so we had a sign on the door saying do not disturb between these hours except for deliveries. There was a little old lady who didn't give a flying fuck about that note. One day she knocked for the third time, I opened the door and told her hubby was asleep and she started talking so I paused for a beat then looked inside and quickly back at her and said in a panicked voice "you've woken him up I have to go!" She never bothered us again between the posted hours.
lj20152015@reddit
Release the hounds.
Angelmumuk@reddit
We don’t get many because of the way our front door is positioned but I had one over Christmas. Started off with “Hi love (not a good start!) Don’t worry, I’m not trying to rob you. (What??) Just wanting to make sure you’re getting the fastest internet.” I said “We’re fine thank you.” He came back with “Who is your internet provider?” I just looked at him, tutted, and shut the door. As I’ve got older, my tolerance for that sort of stuff has decreased. I simply can’t be bothered to waste my time and I’m past caring if they’re offended.
WelshBluebird1@reddit
Ultimately such a sign isn't a legal enforceable thing so they are pretty pointless. Just do what the rest ir us do - answer the door, tell them you aren't interested and then shut the door.
ooh_bit_of_bush@reddit
Same tactic with phone calls. Just tell them you're going to get your paperwork and will be back in a moment. Then close the door and let them stew. They'll probably stand there for at least 5 minutes before walking off.
benjm88@reddit
I do this with calls, never thought of it with the door, genius.
I've developed a what the fuck do you want look when I have to answer the door. Literally everyone steps back and says oh is this a bad time. I just say yes and shut the door
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
I've a sign on my gate, and one on my door.
Some church prick knocked one night when my daughter was sick and crying, the dog was barking at the person at the door and the cat snuck out behind me so I ran to grab him from the garden.
The guy says "oh maybe it's not a good time" I said it's fine, you're not advertising or from a political party or religious group so what do you need?"
Well actually I'm from whatever church.
" oh for fuck sake " and shut the door.
BellybuttonWorld@reddit
You need a nice pentagram on the door.
Loose_Loquat9584@reddit
My aunt used to have a picture of the pope in her window to put off the JWs. She wasn’t Catholic.
chmath80@reddit
If it was a naked picture, that might put off the catholics too.
MisterWednesday6@reddit
JWs are incorrigible. My late father was a Church of England vicar, there was a sign on the front of our house saying "All Saints Vicarage", and we still had the JWs knocking on the door. Should add that they eventually stopped after they knocked one morning and were greeted by my younger brother, who was home on leave from the army and was built like the proverbial brick shithouse. He never told me exactly what he said to them, and I didn't ask...
yearsofpractice@reddit
That’s brilliant. That’s the ultimate “I can fix him” for a bloody-minded JW.
Worldly_Let6134@reddit
A give blood window sticker works even better.
Talon-2267@reddit
I have a Cthulhu door knocker
BellybuttonWorld@reddit
Oh r'lyeh?
MisterWednesday6@reddit
Or a cast iron Baphomet door knocker...
BellybuttonWorld@reddit
Stylish
MisterWednesday6@reddit
I've seen them online several times and resisted temptation to buy one. So far.
BellybuttonWorld@reddit
Wouldst thou live deliciously? Tarry not, procure the artefact.
sea__weed@reddit
But what about the cat?
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
He just dangled there after I picked him up. He's a good boy, if not an opportunist.
crutlefish@reddit
I had some Jehovah's Witnesses knock on my door the other day, they said "Hi there, we are Jehovah's Witnesses", to which I replied "Ah lovely, I'm an athiest" and closed the door.
Secure_Vacation_7589@reddit
I like to say "oh sorry no, I didn't witness anything"
AmaroisKing@reddit
I never answer numbers I don’t recognize, back in the day I would just answer ‘hold on a second’ put the phone down on a table and leave it for a few minutes
jake_burger@reddit
You open the door?
ooh_bit_of_bush@reddit
Yeah because most of the time it's a parcel, a neighbour, a friend etc.
-myeyeshaveseenyou-@reddit
I have a ring doorbell, only open the door if I’m expecting something as I get loads of religious people knocking as well.
My dad used to go further with it.
If the weather was bad he’d keep them talking for an hour while he stood in the porch. And tell them after tan hour in disking rain to come back again another time.
If the weather was good he’d shout to my mother to go get his shotgun. He didn’t even own a shotgun
MimBondie@reddit
This is the best thing to do, I am so thankful for ours because you can catch on camera any of these grifters who might con any of your elderly or vulnerable neighbours as well. Even if they knock your door, rather than press the bell, you can still answer via the ring and tell them to bugger off reminding them they are on camera.
AgileSurprise1966@reddit
but like, is there not a peephole?
ruairidhmacdhaibhidh@reddit
A door that opens out the way? Quickly?
CobblerOk1577@reddit
This is brilliant!
NoArm9369@reddit
this is brilliant!
-Po-Tay-Toes-@reddit
Go one step further and shove a piece of paper out of your letterbox that says "Fuck off"
PetersMapProject@reddit
Do you have a doorbell camera? It does seem to deter some of the worst of them.
But in the absence of that, I would ask if they are illiterate. When they say no, point to the sign and ask them to read it out. Then ask them why they knocked on your door without a prior appointment. Did they really think you'd purchase from someone who can't follow basic instructions? Make them squirm appropriately. Get yourself blacklisted.
MissMollyMole7@reddit
My favourite response 😂
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
Mine is the dogs trust subscription knockers.
"oh hello, do you like dogs?"
no, don't you hear this one barking now she's a little shit and I hate her. Oh you're dogs trust please for the love of God help me by taking her I'm sick of her shit
It makes them squirm.
QOTAPOTA@reddit
“Oh hello, do you like dogs?”
Yes, I’ve one in the oven now, would you like a doggy bag?
Raqonteur@reddit
There's a line in the old BBC limited series Neverwhere, that aligns perfectly with this...
"Do you like cat?" "Yes, I like cats" "Leg or breast?".
Bobrock99@reddit
“D’ya like dags?”
Human677@reddit
Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags.
MissMollyMole7@reddit
I couldn’t get those words out of my mouth I would feel so bad 😂😂😂😂 if I had the brass neck I would love to see the reaction tho!
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
I said similar to ones at the Liverpool Xmas Market before I even realised.
Heard a "hi do you like dogs" while mid sentence with my wife
"no, I have one and she's an arsehole"
MissMollyMole7@reddit
Ooof!!!
PetersMapProject@reddit
Dogs Trust are only able to maintain their "we never put a healthy dog down" line because they're very selective in their intake. Basically, they turn away a lot of the trickier cases.
Tell them you don't want your dog, but Dogs Trust wouldn't take it either. You'll sign up to pay £2 a month if only they'll take the bloody animal from you here and now.
They will soon squirm.
doegrey@reddit
Point, and ask them to look at the camera to really worry them! 😇
I had one boy to accused me of discrimination when I pointed to my sign - he said he was dyslexic. I told him I didn’t believe he couldn’t read it and told him to tell his company to take my address of their cold calling list.
eelam_garek@reddit
I've literally had one about to knock on the door, notice the camera and then turn around and walk off. The camera has been worth it for this alone, love seeing the footage of them seeing it, then just walking off 😂 Says a lot about what they're trying to do on your doorstep.
PetersMapProject@reddit
My (increasingly elderly) parent got a doorbell camera for Christmas for this reason.
upsidedowncreature@reddit
I mean, everybody is increasingly elderly. Good idea about the camera though.
Transmit_Him@reddit
I prefer to think of myself as decreasingly young.
lungbong@reddit
I do similar and ask them to read out the sign. I don't get many bet when they come it's always when I'm expecting a parcel so I end up opening the door.
Bobrock99@reddit
“D’ya like dags?”
GuybrushFunkwood@reddit
follow them home and try to sell them something.
Responsible-Art3985@reddit
Most underrated comment here
Turbulent-Laugh-@reddit
Get your camera out and ask them why they've arranged to meet an underage boy at this address.
No_Calligrapher9732@reddit
Brilliant
doegrey@reddit
“Are you selling something?”
“Well…-“
“No thanks” close the door.
misterala@reddit
This was years ago, but a friend of mine had a brief job doing door-to-door sales, and he said his horrible boss said houses with these signs should be targeted specifically because they suggest the person inside has a hard time saying no in person.
Terrible advice, I'd have thought, but you may weirdly find you get fewer cold calls without it.
Wednesdaysbairn@reddit
Had a pair of Mormons knock and opening line was: “I won’t take two minutes of your time sir.” Response: “You are correct, now fuck off.” Never saw them again.
Wooden_Wolf_4982@reddit
If they are rude enough to ignore the sign, just pay the favour back and ignore them.
Personally I would take a more ignorant approach and open the door point to my sign and close the door. If the sign for no cold caller is clearly visible they are 100% blatantly ignoring it.
brothererrr@reddit
I say my parents arent home. Im now getting some funny looks now where people aren’t sure if I am really that young or not, it’s getting funnier as I get older
r_keel_esq@reddit
Buy a water pistol and shoot them in the crotch
FormABruteSquad@reddit
Or your own crotch. Either way it freaks them out.
r_keel_esq@reddit
There are power-moves, and there are Power-Moves.
_Living_deadgirl_@reddit
I got a sign that lists every single person and says police will be informed. Its rare they ignore it since switching to this particular sign
If they do knock i say cant you read? Or i say theres a sign on the door i dont do cold calling and shut the door.
Or i just ignore them.
ThreeRandomWords3@reddit
Sorry, I don't speak to cold callers (points to sign, closes door)
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
i did that like an hour ago. i got looked at like i was scum, shaken head at then not evena fake sorry.
its the entitlement that gets me way more than anything. mistakes happen, been annoyed at me when im flatly not even interested in been pitched at is just arsehole behaviour
ThreeRandomWords3@reddit
Fair enough, remember they are people too and are just trying to make a living, they want to be knocking on your door about as much as you want to be answering it.
If you don't want to get woken up put earplugs in and turn off the doorbell.
Winter-Post-9566@reddit
You can do the job without being a knob
VeronicaMarsIsGreat@reddit
Now there's a t-shirt line waiting to be printed:
Do the job without being a knob
Do the work without being a jerk
Make you cash without being a dickrash.
In your work you can be canny but come on now don't be a fanny.
wasdice@reddit
If work's where you're at, cease being a twat
GrandAsOwt@reddit
But OP’s already told them, via the sign, that they don’t want to be answering the door. Why can’t the callers accept that, and why should OP have to take extra steps not to be disturbed?
LordEmostache@reddit
Not sticking up for the Cold Callers at all, but to answer your question of why they don't care about the signs is that as part of those jobs, the company (Usually refers to itself as a "Marketing Agency") forces you to register yourself a Self Employed, and doesn't pay a set wage, rather it's based solely on commission. The people that work these jobs aren't doing it because they love it, they often have no other prospects and once they find themselves entrapped by everything that comes with being registered self-employed (The handling of your own Tax, for example), and the constant pressure and borderline indoctrination of the Agency, they often can't get out of that job easily and so have to continue it and push whatever they're selling in order to hopefully get enough commission to pay their bills.
I did it for one day accidentally, and you spend 10+ hours out and about in the middle of nowhere, miles from home, talking to strangers that hate you immediately, on your feet all day, with a very real possibility that you could go home after all that having made not a pence. On average, in order to make minimum wage, you'd have to get 140 sales a day, and if you don't meet the quota not only do you not get paid, you also run the risk of just outright being "Fired".
Of course it does ultimately fall onto the individual to be responsible for their own life and not work the job if they don't want to, but in reality sometimes you have to take what you can get.
Not to mention, these places work like a cult, and the people that truly were indoctrinated would basically do anything to get their numbers in, even totally lying to the people they're selling to.
It's awful, and I hope someday something is introduced that totally outlaws these companies that pray not only on vulnerable customers, but the cold callers themselves as well.
adamjeff@reddit
Brother you do not have carte blanche to fuck up peoples quiet enjoyment of their life. A sign should be enough. People who put a sign up are not going to buy something if people knock so why are you defending them wasting everyone's time.
Lonely-Dragonfruit98@reddit
I know someone who worked very briefly for those semi-dodgy (read very dodgy) charity collection organisations years ago.
The first thing he was taught on his orientation training was some quasi-legal nonsense that tried to set out that, legally, they can go up to anyone’s door and knock on it and so there’s absolutely nothing wrong with what they’re doing and the law says it’s okay. The second thing was that trespass is a civil matter in the UK, and so if they want to go back to an address multiple times to see if they can find someone more amenable, then that’s absolutely legal and okay as well.
Those organisations are utter scum, it probably explains some of the entitlement though.
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
The law also says its fine to call them a cunting bastard. It's not a public order offence if it's on your own property and nobody else can hear it.
-myeyeshaveseenyou-@reddit
Not strictly true in all cases, my next door neighbour (loony) tried to kick my front door in. I provided my ring doorbell footage to police and was specifically asked if I had sworn at her etc before they watched it. I was inside my house during the whole thing
theegrimrobe@reddit
so i were recording swearing somebody attacking me i would be charged .. with what exactly - this country is a joke
-myeyeshaveseenyou-@reddit
I think it very much depends on circumstances, if I’d started swearing at her for kicking the door I think it would have been seen as unreasonable conduct if I had started swearing out of no where. Context and nuance are vital With stuff like this. But you’d think really I should have every right to tell her to fuck off. Police were fantastic and mostly probably because I had remained calm and was not mouthing off
Lonely-Dragonfruit98@reddit
And it isn’t slander either, because the truth is an absolute defence.
Phyonix@reddit
It's the same mentality with all these sellers and scammers; they call me and try to scam me of my money, but I say their mother should have swallowed them, and suddenly I'M the arsehole?
CoastHefty6373@reddit
Just keep doing it until you feel more comfortable with it, you can't control peoples reactions to you drawing healthy boundries. If it's the same people again don't even say 'sorry' tell them to get lost and slam the door, fuck them for waking you up when you have to work repeatedly.
Roper1537@reddit
Just ogle them up and down and say 'hi sexy, what's a hottie like you knocking on my door for?' then just keep ramping up the chat. Either they leave or you get lucky so it's a win-win.
reocoaker@reddit
I don't even open the door to them, I WFH and my office is literally next to the front door so they can see me through the window, no more than 2m away blatantly ignoring them. Sometimes I give them a smile.
AddictedToRugs@reddit
I can see from my desk who is at my door in the reflection in my car window.
reocoaker@reddit
We get everyone knocking, Jehovah's Witnesses, Sales people, Chuggers, Nottingham Knockers. They all get the same treatment.
13oundary@reddit
As a Glaswegian, I'm very, very sorry about the chuggers knocking on your door. Can't understand the perverse nature of some people.
reocoaker@reddit
Does it mean something different in Glasgow then?
Nublett9001@reddit
I have to ask, what the hell is a Nottingham knocker?
reocoaker@reddit
I’d never heard of it before but whenever they come around someone will angrily refer to the as that on the Community FB page and it’s stuck now. 😂
denjin@reddit
"I just got out of prison, here's my ID from a fake organisation to make me seem like I'm in a program, can you buy some incredibly overpriced feather dusters from me please. No? Fuck you I'm trying to make my life better you arsehole!"
Nublett9001@reddit
Ah. I know the type just never heard them called that before. TIL thanks.
Fallenangel152@reddit
Same. I look out of the window, and if they have a clipboard, I go and sit down.
GammaPhonic@reddit
Just shut the door and let them stand there.
Then get another sign which reads “if you’re wondering who the above sign is for, it’s you” and place it below the “no cold callers” sign.
purlish360@reddit
I tell them to hang on whilst I go get my mum. Fyi I'm a 40 year old man living in my own home.
thefooleryoftom@reddit
legosneakersfan@reddit
Anyone knocks on my door and try’s to sell me something or push their religion then they will face a wall of abuse, the fucking audacity of people to think they can disturb me in my home with their bullshit.
I keep my gate locked unless I’m expecting deliveries so good luck getting to the front door
PossessionHour6238@reddit
Open the door, don't say anything, stare into their soul until they get creeped out and leave
BellybuttonWorld@reddit
Naked.
AmaroisKing@reddit
If my mother wasn’t around, my father would have!
trinnyfran007@reddit
People who cold call don't have souls
Honest-Librarian7647@reddit
Just bills
trinnyfran007@reddit
Absolutely
JockyMc71@reddit
My mate's dad used to answer the door with a hammer in his hand and shout "WHAT?" , especially when Jihova's Witnesses were involved
highrouleur@reddit
I've got a porch with a glass door facing the street. I just point at the sign without opening the door, turn around and close the inner door behind me as I walk back inside
BellybuttonWorld@reddit
Have you tried a few well placed landmines?
Worldly_Let6134@reddit
Claymores tend to draw further unwanted callers.
MrNippyNippy@reddit
IF I’ve got time I let them prattle on, occasionally asking questions if I can be arsed then ask them
“So you’re asking me to buy …. from you, with my own money when you’re not even capable of reading? Why do you think that’s going to happen? “
If I can waste 5 or 10 mins then piss them off royally hopefully they won’t do it again. I used to do door to door for a short period when I was a very broke student and it was one of the first things we were told.
No one with a sticker is buying from you - don’t waste your time!
Whoopsadiddle@reddit
I do this on the phone when I get cold calls. I’ll always politely say I’m not interested, but if they then carry on it’s game on. Lots of questions, but in the densest manner possible. I will never understand anything they say and will need clarification. Lots of uhms and ahs. And the fun part is after however long I can tolerate when I say something along the lines of ‘That’s all very interesting but I did tell you at the start I’m not interested’. I figure if they spend 10 minutes talking to me, that’s 10 minutes they aren’t scamming somebody else.
jenni_maybe@reddit
Squeak really loudly. If you're thinking of a loud squeak then I can almost guarantee I mean louder than that. Hold the super squeak. Eventually they'll go.
Bonus points if you put your shoes on and follow them around squeaking until they leave your area.
Worldly_Let6134@reddit
I can't hear you, I'm wearing a towel. Eeeeeeekkkkk, eeeeeeekkkk, eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
The_Banned_Account@reddit
Open the door, point at he sign, wag my finger at them, close the door
SkullKid888@reddit
Shout upstairs from the door.
Honey, put the dust sheets down and prepare the table. We’ve got another one.
Then slowly turn to them with a creepy smile and say “welcome, please come in”.
Worldly_Let6134@reddit
Variation that's worked really well for me is to yell upstairs (suitably southern accent)
"Paw, hey paw - go fetch the saw. We got us fresh meat"
I had leftover lock down beard and hair at this point. Door knocker looked like he damn near shat himself 😂
the_Athereon@reddit
Get one that states they have to accept to pay you a fee for knocking on the door. At that point, you can't refuse to let them say a single word until they open their wallet.
AWildAndWoolyWastrel@reddit
"Fuck off" is always appropriate.
Heewna@reddit
It’s a classic for a reason.
devster75@reddit
Shotgun blast to the face? 🤷♂️
QuiteFrankE@reddit
I get your frustration. We have one of those signs because a vulnerable person lives here. He doesn’t understand how to say no to them and often gets pressured into signing up to things. I realised that there was no point in pointing this out to the sales people because that seems to be their preferred target.
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
same issue in my street, its known to be older. i entertained one of them once, because i was actually looking for a new roof for a off shot.
"3k if you book now, but it could go up to 5k" poor kid wasnt expecting to be told he was prattling off a pressure scam meant to get people to pay for things they arent sure on. was really young so i imagine it was on of the jobs he could get, then company prepared speech to give to people to pressure them
QuiteFrankE@reddit
From what I’ve learned. A lot of the companies actually order them to ignore these signs and have pre prepared answers as part of the training. It feels very predatory and it feels like it should be illegal.
Foreverythingareason@reddit
I had a ' job interview for a sales position' once, I got there in my high heels only to be told the 'interview' was walking around trying to get people to sign up to a monthly donation for RSPB.
It's was one of the most inhumane afternoons of my life, one person told the guy I was shadowing they just lost their job his reply was "well when you find a new one please get in touch".
Only one person wanted to sign up but kept saying 'i think this might be one I'm already signed up to' and she was being not so subtly pressured. These people worked on commission, they didn't work for the charity and the next day it could be something else they are selling.
Ginger_Liv@reddit
I had this too when I applied for a graduate sales position after university. Passed the first interview stage, rocked up for the 'trial day' only to be told it was actually door-to-door sales flogging some sort of useless shit; I told them I wasn't interested and left.
Aware-Oil-2745@reddit
Sounds much like my experience with addecco bunch of R. Soles
squidtooth@reddit
Oh my god the same thing happened to me down to the RSPB donation. I left after about an hour, they seemed annoyed but not surprised
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
And with the universal credit system now if you refuse these jobs, or take it then walk out you can be cut off from jobseekers allowance.
BellybuttonWorld@reddit
Well if that's not illegal then it shouldn't be illegal to wire up the door knocker to the mains. Fair's fair.
QuiteFrankE@reddit
😂
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
"if they have more than 1, take it serious" was what ive heard some people say. but i dont want more than 1, it would look stupid as fuck
OurBroath@reddit
My nephew got a phone sales job right out of school. Turns out he was cold calling usually old people. He was booking appointments for a demonstration of a chair that could move you to a standing position and recline. They were told to mention how they could fall getting out of normal chairs and they could break a hip and lie for days.He didn't turn up for day two.
Psychological-Fox97@reddit
"I don't speak english"
Electrical-Carrot-74@reddit
My dad (Indian man) speaks in his best broken English with put-on heavy accent and sees how long he can keep them at the door. 100% success rate of pissing people off and getting them to leave
pikapikawoofwoof@reddit
Can't you just open the door naked with a baseball bat in hand shouting obscenities?
PixieBaronicsi@reddit
Act very interested in what they're selling. Go through all the details. Let them fill in the form, Then just as you're supposed to give them the final signature, tap the sign and shut the door
Sockpervert1349@reddit
Having worked once years ago for one of the these fund raising businesses "on behalf of charities", we where told to ignore them, we had to write down the house number, when I wrote a load as no cold calling stickers, I god reemed out and shouted at in front of the whole team.
Kindly-Ad-8573@reddit
Have huge bundle of specsavers flyers collected from the junk mail over time, open the door say i am currently on a call to a hospital which i have had to interrupt so as you can't read hand them the flyer close the door.
camwaite@reddit
I have a German Shepherd that goes absolutely bananas when anyone knocks on the door, answering the door holding him by the collar tends to prevent a second visit.
79163@reddit
Exactly my tactic. Some of them still ask "is he friendly?". He's going bananas at you, what do you think?
Prevents a second visit and terminates the current visit rapidly!
TreesintheDark@reddit
My mum used to do that with our Doberman. Irony was doggo really loved people and just wanted to say hello! Doberman lurching towards you, screaming at the top of its lungs, tends to make you reassess your life choices though…
Mrs_B-@reddit
I saw a sign once that said something like "£10 fee for listening to cold callers. Knocking on this door indicates your agreement to this contract".
That would make them think twice!
denjin@reddit
"Cold callers will be doused in a bucket of my piss, by continuing to knock on this door, you agree to be doused in a bucket of my piss"
The keep a carton of apple juice in a bucket somewhere warm and if they are stupid enough to knock on your door, dous them in it.
If they come back again, then they get the piss.
Fyonella@reddit
I live in a ‘No Cold Calling’ Zone.
Recently had one at the door, I said straight away to them ‘This is a No Cold Calling Zone, you shouldn’t be doing this’.
They responded ‘You’re the third person to tell me that’.
Wtf are you still here then!! 😂
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
Wtf is that?
Fyonella@reddit
A No Cold Calling Zone? Pretty much what it says on the tin.
Taken_Abroad_Book@reddit
Enforced by whom, exactly?
Ybuzz@reddit
Looks like they are local initiatives where a community can team up with the council, police, neighbourhood watch and trading standards to have a specified zone where cold it is made clear cold callers are not to operate, and if they do, trading standards can get involved much easier than if they just ignore an individual request to stop:
Fyonella@reddit
Thank you! Saved me the effort of explaining this. It’s not legally binding but those who contravene it are deemed to be committing a criminal offence. Those two things seem to be a juxtaposition but both things are true.
MissMollyMole7@reddit
I have a ring doorbell so I hear them coming, watch them study the sign and if they bend to stuff unwanted spam in my letterbox I just shout at them from my desktop… then worst things I hate the most are the endless plastic ‘charity’ collection bags, before I signed up my door I would get two or three a day… each and every one destined for the bin, a criminal waste of resources…
D0wnb0at@reddit
The worst thing about the charity bags is they have holes in them, so can’t even repurpose them into bin bags.
MissMollyMole7@reddit
Hahaha…. The most useless items to come through my door ever!
Illustrious-Log-3142@reddit
I would genuinely put a custom sign highlighting that the person is a shift worker, I think these people assume it's just grumpy old people and not that people have reasons for not wanting to be disturbed.
Alternatively just shoot them with a water pistol whilst yelling 'it says no cold calling asshole'
llamafarma73@reddit
I love the idea that anyone would think a polite sign would actually stop anyone, and the outrage that it doesn't! Very British!
clashingchords30@reddit
Depending on the company, I would report it to them - a lot of companies /especially charities will subcontract their door to door canvassing out to agencies. Charities will definitely want to know if a fundraiser working for an agency is messing up on their behalf - and ignoring one of those signs is definitely reportable.
Baldbag@reddit
Ask if they're here to collect the remains
SickPuppy01@reddit
A slammed door is appropriate. I have worked from home for 20-odd years and it has always been a constant pain for me. They ring the bell and that starts the dog barking, which is not great when I'm in a client meeting. So I have a sign on my gate and on my door.
I can see my gate from desk and I would say about 80% of cold callers turn around when they see the sign on the gate, a further 10-15% turn around when they see the sign on the door. The other 5% either ring the doorbell multiple times or knock like a bailiff. And of those 5%, a good 90% of them are chuggers of some form and the rest are Kleeneze type cold callers.
At this point, I feel free to be as rude as I like.
Brian-Kellett@reddit
I just silently stare at them and then slowly and silently point at the sign, maintaining eye contact at all times.
(It’s what I do at work when one of my colleagues can’t see the thing I put right in front of them…😈)
emmahar@reddit
Have you tried putting a sign up saying you work the night shift or have a baby or something so you would really appreciate not being woken. Just make sure that the doesn't unintentionally advertise when the home is empty!
Kistelek@reddit
I have seven delightful but very noisy dogs. My stock response is “Nope and if you come back I’ll let these out”. I know, as does all of Reddit now, that they’ll be drowned in dog slobber but otherwise unharmed, but they don’t. Only had the jehovahs and drive tarmacers call her the once so seems effective.
Luparina123@reddit
Same here, 2 angry terriers and 1 angry, WFH daughter, who opens the door and screams "Can you not fuckin' read? And close that gate, I'm letting the dogs out!" Does the trick every time.
D0wnb0at@reddit
I have a sign for cold callers and not addressed post. It is always ignored. When I answer the door and they are not holding a package I wait till they said their company name (so I know it’s cold calling and not a neighbour or something) and just close the door without saying a word.
Only time I have been a dickhead is one time I was walking by the door as a (I forget exactly, BNP or some other right wing shite) was posted through, so opened the door and yelled “OI, CUNT, can’t you fucking read?” Or, something to that effect. And threw it back to him.
RalphVonWauWau1@reddit
I keep it simple with the Roy Kent growl of "Get F#@ked!"
Kickkickkarl@reddit
I open the door and just close it on them again not saying a word.
andreirublov1@reddit
Two points:
There's a certain number of people - maybe even a majority - that never read or take notice of signs, except maybe road signs.
If you were the kind of person who took notice of a sign like that, you couldn't be a cold caller in the first place.
Besides, they're not to know how long it's been up, could've been put up by a previous owner, you could've changed your mind, anything's possible.
Just say, 'not today, thanks' and close the door - not that difficult!
hopeful-gym-bunny@reddit
A young man knocked on my door. He was trying to sell City Fibre. I guided him to my sign and asked him to read it. He said he'd seen, but it didn't apply to him because he wasn't cold calling.
I asked him who he'd booked an appointment with. He was confused. He didn't even know what cold calling was. So I educated him.
I've learned the best thing to do is look who is at the door and if it's someone with a clipboard or lanyard just to not open the door.
titlrequired@reddit
Change the sign to ‘I work nights, if you wake me up I will be annoyed’
XihuanNi-6784@reddit
Yeah I personally never did the door to door sales but it was surveys for IpsosMori. I'm told they used to be quite respectable but even so people would be upset. I can see why sometimes. I usually wouldn't bother with the no cold callers but there's no telling who it's aimed at. Multiple times they were fine because I wasn't selling stuff. If I saw the person was working nights I'd absolutely not have bothered them though.
postvolta@reddit
I'm not one to fear monger but that would also inform would be loser shit bags that you'll not be at home all night
titlrequired@reddit
Just add ‘but the wife is in at night and she’s really not to be trifled with either’
postvolta@reddit
😂
AlpsSad1364@reddit
There's a now somewhat famous sign in my nearest town that says "I'm an angry fat man with little tolerance: park here at your own risk".
That could be easily adapted.
Wandering_Renegade@reddit
Honestly as someone who done the job, yeah we didn't care one bit about those signs and would happily ring the bell as we read it. I also had people with those sings buy from me.
The best thing you can do is just answer the door and politely and firmly just say you're not interested. They have a lot of doors to get round and don't want to waste time on someone who is never going to buy.
XihuanNi-6784@reddit
As someone who has been on both sides of this, "no cold callers" seems like a typical broad brush thing that comes from being generally a grumpy git. If you put a bespoke sign, "I work nights, no cold callers" I would have absolutely respected that when I was doing the job.
No_Statistician_2549@reddit
Back in the day when we canvassed , we targeted the no cold call areas , someone wanted to buy in the no cold call area every time we knocked them
dwair@reddit
It's ok to get annoyed at cold callers at any time.
If you have a sign saying "no cold callers", it's completely acceptable to be loud, sweary and vocally abusive to whoever ignores it.
BusyBeeBridgette@reddit
If it is a salemans I tell them to go away in fruity language. If it is a Jehovah's witness I talk to them for a good twenty minutes, if time allows, then tell them I am not interested. Every time. Really does annoy them at times!
Accurate_Prompt_8800@reddit
Just don’t open the door at all?
The_Blip@reddit
Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations 2008, Schedule 1, Paragraph 25.
So yes, there is a legal obligation for them to follow the rules of your sign.
Projected2009@reddit
The law can say what it wants. In reality, real life, they will keep on knocking. You would have to prove that it's malicious, harassing and upsetting. You would then have to convince anyone in authority to give a shit.
The TPS scheme is not enforced. The ICO is not enforced.
Nothing is enforced, it's just enshrined in law that the offenders never, ever, care about.
The_Blip@reddit
"You would have to prove that it's malicious, harassing and upsetting."
No you wouldn't. You'd have to prove they committed the offence.
"Nothing is enforced"
Never will be if nobody reports it. And yes, the police and CPS have limited resources and aren't likely to divert said resources to the crime of illegal door knocking when they can better serve the public elsewhere. If you'd like, you could attempt to prosecute the case yourself.
Projected2009@reddit
You'd have to prove that it was intentional / harassing / upsetting. How can you subjectively do that. You can't prove they ignore the sign. You can't prove they're intentionally harassing you.
Don't tell me what's what unless you've been through it. I've been through it. I've reported crime to the police, with evidence. Nothing got done. I've reported TPS abusers, nothing got done.
It's great that you've 'got the faith', but everyone here, and I mean EVERYONE, will tell you that when they've needed the support, nothing gets done.
The_Blip@reddit
"You'd have to prove that it was intentional / harassing / upsetting."
No, you don't.
"How can you subjectively do that."
I think you mean objectively.
"You can't prove they ignore the sign."
You can prove the sign was there. You can prove that the sign asked them not to come to your home. You can prove that they are a tradesperson. You can do these things using what is commonly referred to as 'evidence'. You can then use deduction, reasoning, and the principles of 'objective standard of reasonableness' to argue the case.
"It's great that you've 'got the faith', but everyone here, and I mean EVERYONE, will tell you that when they've needed the support, nothing gets done."
I'm not surprised the police and the CPS deemed the case to be either too low priority or that there was insufficient evidence to persue. Like I said, there's always the option of a private prosecution.
caffeinated_photo@reddit
There really is!! I had no idea!!
(Sorry, I had to Google what you wrote because it sounded so convincing but also made up)
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
that would mean missing something actually important thats not any of the things on the dont knock list.
ignoring a delivery around here is a gamble with evri
Gibber_jab@reddit
Get like a ring cam so you can see who it is before you go to open the door
Gisschace@reddit
Yeah this is the best answer, i miss living in a flat where we had a little camera so i could see who was there and ignore if I wanted
Accurate_Prompt_8800@reddit
Don’t you have a peep hole / ring doorbell? Plis if there was a delivery coming; the provider would have sent you a text or updated you on its arrival some other way. So it shouldn’t really be a surprise.
Mount_Kailash_Awaits@reddit
My response to being the person answering has swung better "sorry, not interested but good luck" to "can you not read, you dumb motherfucker?"
SnooCats611@reddit
Just don’t answer the door.
One of the most liberating things about being an adult is that you do not have to answer the door.
If you have a parcel coming, you’ll likely get a window as to when they’ll be delivering. Listen out for the door then, otherwise just ignore it.
It’s one of the most bizarre things we’re conditioned to do- answer the door because someone knocks. If I’ve invited you around, message me when you get here. If I haven’t, you aren’t welcome. Neighbour’s parcel? Leave it somewhere else.
anotherpukingcat@reddit
Different perspective for you all.
As the door to door person, you're told by supervisors to knock on anyway. And better to risk knocking a door and be yelled at by homeowner, than be yelled at by the person who controls your pay.
Part of that problem is those signs are up on houses from previous tenants/homeowners, so who knows if the current homeowner thinks that way and then even on those who put them up, people sometimes still interact based on politeness of the seller or what they're selling (Reinforcing the idea that you should knock all doors)
When I did a well known door to door (Ding dong) I had plenty of ladies phone me after getting my details from others, surprised I'd not come to their door already - but they had that sign. So that told me to ignore the sign.
Personally I don't like people to come to the door, and I just ignore it. I would never give them abuse though. They are likely doing a shitty job because they can't get a slightly less shitty one like retail, because they've got commitments that stop them being available 9-5.
Ok-Importance-6815@reddit
tell them to go away and shut the door. Don't know what else you could do.
BadgerOff32@reddit
I was once (briefly) one of the people on the other side of this. I hated it.
When I was 17-18, was naive and needed a job, I applied for a 'sales' job, and at the interview, they used VERY selective language to go out of their way to explicitly NOT tell me what the job actually was, but made sure to tell me that I'd make loads of money, and that in 2 years time I'd be running me own branch etc etc.
So day 1, I turn up, and we immediately leave the office and walk to the train station and got on a train to god-knows where. It was on that train journey that I finally discovered what the job actually was.
A door-to-door canvasser!
I had no training at all, and had basically no idea what this product was or did (We were trying to flog some paint that you'd paint the outside of your house with to 'protect it from the elements'. I only learned this because one of the doors I knocked on was answered by a builder on his day off who helpfully explained to me (the salesperson) what the product actually was......and that it was complete and utter shit, and would need repainting after a couple of years)
Anyway, the person I got paired with was one of the most unlikable people I've ever had the misfortune to meet. He was trying to 'teach' me his ways, and basically told me to "ignore those 'no canvasser' signs", "never take no for an answer", and that if someone tried to close the door on me, to "put my foot in the door to stop them from closing it".
Half way through the day he went into a block of flats and told me to wait outside......so I fucked off back to the train station and went home.
I didn't want to become one of those people.
Careless-Ad8346@reddit
I buy a dozen of those cheap peelers and when they come I say help me peel this potato or apple
0nce-Was-N0t@reddit
"STOP FUCKING CALLING ME!"
leanne_claire@reddit
Finally, why are you so late? Never mind, the pomegranates are on the bed so hurry up and strip.
EvilThre3@reddit
I take a photo of their id and let them know our street is registered for no cold calling on the council website and let them know how to check this themselves.Then I send off CCTV footage to their company. One paid out £200 for their 'mistake'
SomeoneRandom007@reddit
I recommend "Lenny" if you are technically minded.
probablyaythrowaway@reddit
“Sorry we don’t do business at the door. Have a nice afternoon“
donalmacc@reddit
The sort of person who will cold call you doesn't give a shit if you have a sign on your door asking you not to do it. Personally I think the signs are ugly as hell and I don't know why you'd bother putting one up, other than to tell cold callers and kids that you're likely to get annoyed at them knocking on your door.
The response is "not interested," (and the sorry is if you're feeling polite) and to firmly close the door in their faces.
LordEmostache@reddit
Yeah I don't understand anyone who actually thinks the "No Cold Callers" signs work.
I accidentally went along with a bunch of cold callers for a day and many of them would push their own Nan down the stairs if it meant they had an opportunity to sell the ambulance crew some dodgy boiler insurance.
digital_pariah@reddit
From my desk, I can see the approach to the front door. Our sign has made so many people stop, turn around, and leave without knocking.
Not 100% effective, but still a huge improvement to not having the sign.
Ozzimo@reddit
"I wouldn't buy anything from someone obtuse enough to miss the fucking sign"
Slothman102@reddit
I find that pretending they’re someone inappropriate you’ve been waiting for is a laugh. Drug dealer, hooker, loan shark. Fake being a cop and they’ve walked into a sting. There’s lots of possibilities.
Fruitpicker15@reddit
I've always wanted to answer them like Consuela from Family Guy.
Mister Superman he no is here. OK but... No I have no money (slowly close the door)
lifeIsfunButhard@reddit
Release the hounds.
Bobitybobboblee@reddit
People can see in our front window from the door, if they don’t have food or a parcel they get left to stand there. They get the message eventually.
realchairmanmiaow@reddit
Get CCTV or a doorcam. If I don't know you, or you're not holding a parcel I'm waiting on - I don't answer the door.
MapleLeaf5410@reddit
Just tell them " I don't interact with representatives who can't read and have limited comprehension."
When they respond with " I can read!," point to the sign, then shut the door.
readyaimfire1@reddit
I have worked as a door to door salesman before and I promise you all these convoluted ways to get back at them arent going to work. These guys do this every day for hours. It takes a super resilient person to knock doors. insult them and try to wind them up all you like it just gives them more ammunition to tell themselves they're not the bad guy in the situation and continue to pester you.
I'm not proud of this but when people were super rude to me on the door I'd make a point to come back again next time I'm local and wind them up.
The honest best way to stop this is a video doorbell. See it's a salesman, don't answer / say youre not interested.
The second best way is to slam the door in their face.
Bungeditin@reddit
I’m lucky to be built like the proverbial shithouse….. they tend to leave my house alone (also handy that I live down a lane and there’s nowhere to park other than on my land or the psycho farmer next door).
FerrusesIronHandjob@reddit
Go apeshit at them. If you've told them no and they keep coming, then you gotta make it so they don't want to come to you.
I had to do it with a survey company called beneficial. Eventually after 2 years of telling them to remove my details I just torment them now. The calls have gotten much less
ARobertNotABob@reddit
You don't say a word, just point at the sign and close the door.
Twigleafbark@reddit
Answer the door wearing a ski mask with a running chainsaw in your hand
greylord123@reddit
I got blacklisted from the JW for talking about physics with them.
dookydoo219@reddit
"Not today dickhead"
Gh0styD0g@reddit
Get a sign that says “night worker, no daytime callers”
Might have better luck
cgknight1@reddit
Just shut the door as soon as they start on their bullshit.
WhaleSnakePLC@reddit
Then open it quickly and say, “oh, your breaking up, I think it’s my signal”
InfiniteAstronaut432@reddit
"Just going through a tunnel"
AveryValiant@reddit
I've got one of those modified yellow/black trading standards ones which seems to have stopped 90% of them, including the Jehovah Witnesses who were coming around nearly every week trying to peddle their sermons etc.
The only ones who knock or ring the bell now are sole trader types who offer driveway or window cleaning services
The other exception is when we have travellers coming into our town, they ignore the signs all together and are quite hostile if you refuse to deal with them, they usually send kids/teens round to bully people into buying services like driveway replacements or roof cleaning.
Trading standards DO get involves sometimes if there are enough complaints, for instance we had a company advertising as "Abbey Construction/Driveways" in our town knocking on our doors several times in a week, trading standards did send them a warning in the end.
"Thank you for your email. I am sorry to hear the company have been back to you again despite your clearly obvious door stickers. I have contacted the firm to raise these issues with them, without providing them with any of your details. Hopefully that will stop the repeated calls to you and your neighbours."
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
funny enough the gypsie that came was the nicest one so far, said he did have trouble reading after i asked if he seen the sign because i work nights. he said he would struggle to read from the side of his own van and laughed about it. actually seemed reasonable and left
carlbernsen@reddit
Answer the door with a fire extinguisher in your hands.
“Are you on fire? You must be literally on fire to ignore this sign.
You sure you don’t want me to spray you with this just in case?
No?
Then fuck off!”
thhgghhjjjjhg@reddit
Supersoaker full of LSD
TheClnl@reddit
No way I'm wasting LSD on them when I can take it myself and negotiate the purchase of a new roof with a sentient ball of tentacles
LordOfRuinsOtherSelf@reddit
"Off, is the direction you fuck!"
lknei@reddit
Take a leaf out of the American sovereign citizen book and hand them a Statment of Fees which states you charge £XX.XX per minute* and immediately pull out a notepad and ask for the invoicing address it should be sent to, they'll black list you so fast
*Just like yer ma (I'm sorry, I had to lol)
Suspicious_Weird_373@reddit
Open the door, scream continuously, thank them for their business.
Toby_E_2003@reddit
I remember One time, we had the Jehovah's witnesses knocking on our door to deliver some BS about God. After about 10 minutes of their spiel, my dad said to them"would you like it if I shoved my penis down your throats?" They were a bit confused and creeped out but kept on going with their speech and my dad stopped them again and quite firmly said to them that what they were doing was shoving their religion down his throat and he repeated his question from earlier on with a more serious look. They decided to f off afterwards.
Legal-Fix5998@reddit
The appropriate reaction is fuck off lol
Xoralundra_x@reddit
You dont owe them politeness.
ImBonRurgundy@reddit
they often ignroe those (and are sometimes trained to ignroe them "you aren't actually selling something, you're offering something totally different!"
But this has never failed to work for me:
"I don't care what you are selling or offering or what you want to talk about. I have a principle that I never, ever, deal with people going door to door. thankyou"
then close the door.
works on cold callers, jehovah's witnesses, travellers with 'spare asphelt', you name it.
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
i ask what im getting for free in those cases. quickly turns out to be nothing
SAASbroexplorer@reddit
After reading the comments and being a sales person . Why ? Why so much hate ?
We out there trying to make a living and do our job. If you're not interested, grow a pair and say so?
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
grow some decency and dont knock when there is a sign saying dont knock? weird to openly admit youd ignore it
jimicus@reddit
I have my late father's dress sword from when he was in the Navy.
It isn't sharp in any way - it's purely decorative. But your average doorstep seller doesn't know that.
A naked middle aged man screaming at them while wielding a fucking great sword has quite an impressive effect. If I could get someone from Guinness out, we might be able to give Usain Bolt a run for his money.
SearchStack@reddit
“Can you not read you cretin?” and proceed to throw a bucket of cold water over them
trbd003@reddit
I used to say its not my house it's my brother's but he's currently locked up for a murder he didn't commit, but I can't answer any enquiries on his behalf because he hates it when I do that and flips into a rage.
Nobody's knocked for ages so I guess there must be a list for houses not worth trying
72dk72@reddit
Open door say can't you read Foxtrot Oscar , close door.
moosebeast@reddit
Nobody else seems to have mentioned this, but you used the word 'threatened'. Does this mean they actually threatened or were aggressive or verbally abusive to you? If so then surely that's a matter for the police.
In any case, please remember that you have zero obligation to be polite to people coming to your door uninvited. They are the ones imposing on you, and the moment you make it clear they are not welcome they should leave. I would either say to them 'can I draw your attention to this sign, it says no cold callers, please be on your way now', or simply say 'not interested' and close the door. Don't give them an opportunity to butt in with more of their patter.
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
"ill kick you head in" to be accurate because i asked him to leave my property after telling me he didnt give a fuck about the sign. police were in touch with him.
moosebeast@reddit
Was it by any chance someone claiming to be an ex-offender recently out of prison and selling stuff door to door as part of a rehabilitation program? These guys are fairly notorious and I've heard they often become aggressive when people say no. The whole thing is a scam of course, there's no such scheme.
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
it was a well known roofing company. i know a pile of people who work as builders, scaffolders etc... its always seems to be a coin flip on if they are ready to flip out at the mildest thing for no reason for unknown reasons.
jimicus@reddit
Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Basso_69@reddit
I honestly think they don't know what a Cold Caller is. A frozen fish van? It's certainly not a salesman. Knock knock.
ames_lwr@reddit
Just be odd as fuck. Like odd odd. Ask them what they’re selling, then query if they take payment in human bones. Look confused when they say no
Basso_69@reddit
I honestly think they don't know what a Cold Caller is. A frozen fish van? It's certainly not a salesman. Knock knock.
Any-Conversation7485@reddit
I took off our doorbell and just never answer the door.
FirstEverRedditUser@reddit
My fuck off cold callers sign has (in very small writing) '...homeowner reserves the right to answer the door with no trousers on...'
Left-Ad-3412@reddit
Just open the door, don't say anything and obviously look at the sign, then look at them then, back to the sign. Then point to the sign while looking at them, then just close the door. Don't say any words.
Forceptz@reddit
Here are the instructions you need:
1, open door
2, say "we don't buy goods or services at the door"
3, close the door before they can even speak.
Or just don't answer the door.
We get them all the time.
Embarrassed_Belt9379@reddit
Say ‘don’t make me tap the sign’ and scowl.
presterjohn7171@reddit
I would suggest that the appropriate response would be " read the sign dick head".
MaskedBunny@reddit
Answer the door holding a bible and say, "have you heard the word of our Lord and saviour Jesus christ?"
Rossco1874@reddit
You have telephone preference service where you can report companies who call when part of the service.
You could say your house is in a similar scheme and ask for the company name so could report them for the breach.
I am willing to guess they will not challenge you on this as soon as you mention you are going to report them and they will be fined.
User-1967@reddit
I’ve opened my door, pointed to it and said “ Can you not read?” And promptly shut the door
OutrageousRhubarb853@reddit
“Cold callers will be sprayed in the face with a spray bottle, you have been warned!”
Scrumpyguzzler@reddit
Just don't open the door to anyone you don't recognise.
New_Line4049@reddit
Land mines. Ensure to put up the appropriate signs warning of the presence of land mines though, right next to the no cold caller sign. And for fuck sake remember where you laid the damn things and don't stumble home from the pub drunk and forget about then.... on second thoughts maybe just slamming the door in their face is a better idea....
The-Balloon-Man@reddit
"Sorry I'm busy right now, but give me your mobile number and I'll ring you later, about 9pm ok? " Their response will be that they don't take work calls at that time , that's their personal tome etc... "Oh, so you're saying you don't want people bothering you at home?...." Er......
Content_Somewhere225@reddit
A leaflet about adult literacy courses.
mh1191@reddit
I have a sign, can knocked and shoved a card with a sob story about being deaf. I told him to fuck off, and he seemed to hear.
Lazy-Employment3621@reddit
Once accidentally (they woke me up, I ran to the door) answered the door to two Jehova's witnesses in my Number of the Beast T-shirt and my dick hanging out, they stuffed a leaflet in my hand and fucked off. Don't think they ever came back.
Figgzyvan@reddit
‘Quick, leave now. My partner is violent to people who ignore signs’. !
two_beards@reddit
I did door-to-door sales once (one day, hated it). We were told to ignore any signs and knock anyway. I'm sure not all companies do this but that one did.
I feel with this in mind, you're well within your rights to be annoyed.
This_Rom_Bites@reddit
I ask whether they need information on adult literacy services.
Eastern_Thought_3782@reddit
Pointing at the sign and asking if they can read it out loud to you, and just waiting until they either answer, when you shut the door, or walk off, when you shut the door.
Kitchner@reddit
Have a sign saying "Solicitors and uninvited visitors are agreeing to a service charge of £50 per hour consulting fees, with a minimum charge of 1 hour. Partial hours will be charged for the full amount".
Then when you answer the door point at the sign and say "How can I help you?" then invoice the company.
TheAdmirationTourny@reddit
"I'm not a cold caller. Look at me. I'm HOT."
Less_Mess_5803@reddit
I remember as a kid, way before the days of ring doorbells, my dad would come up with ways to get rid. One of my favourites, he would open the door and just as the person started talking he would say 'oh what a big boy you are' in a very good Kenneth Williams impression. Before the cold caller could regain composure my dad would bid him good day and close the door. Other ones included pretending to be hard of hearing and getting the caller to repeat or even write things down or midway through a sentence switch to fluent Finnish, again leaving the cold caller stood there thinking wtf.
Chicklecat13@reddit
I literally open the door and I just stay silent, make eye contact, point at the sign and then close the door.
h00dman@reddit
Answer the door only half dressed.
Specifically the top half.
vartiverti@reddit
“Are you blind or simply hard of thinking? This clearly displayed sign indicates that I don’t want to interact with soulless automatons such as yourself. If you knock on my door again I’ll run you through with a bread knife.”
BarnesyBorr@reddit
Open the door and tap the sign. If they start talking say "don't make me tap the sign again"
mand658@reddit
Better yet print off a picture of the meme and hold it up or attach it to the door before slamming it shut
0xSnib@reddit
"Don't make me tap the sign"
facebreaks@reddit
Water gun out the window? BB gun if your feeling mean?
SHARK-B1TE@reddit
Get a ring door bell. That way you can tell them to f off from the comfort of your bed.
ima_twee@reddit
Open the door. Flatly intone "I'm not in". Stare at them without saying another word. Slowly withdraw behind the door while maintaining eye contact. Slowly close door.
Time it, set a personal best, see if you can draw it out a little longer each time.
SlippersParty2024@reddit
I love this!
heavenhelpyou@reddit
My Pa saved up post/newspaper ads for specsavers and handed them out to salespeople who ignored the sign.
"If ye can't read then I ain't buying what you're sellin!"
TwoOdd9352@reddit
Just decide to start sharpening your decorative samurai sword as you’re answering the door, I imagine that would work quite well
spiderlegs61@reddit
Take the door knocker off.
Replace it with a sign saying "If you know me and it's important ring my phone. If you don't know me, I'm not interested."
Then choose Click and Collect for deliveries so that you can get things when it is convenient for you.
MintyMarlfox@reddit
“Come on in, the orgy is about to start.”
ZanzibarGuy@reddit
"Don't make me tap the sign again"
Close door.
ZanzibarGuy@reddit
Seriously though, if it's not offering home maintenance work ask them if they have a pedlar's certificate (issued by the police - see here.
The law states that a trader who ignores a resident's request to leave and not return commits a criminal offence under the provisions of The Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations 2008.
fjr_1300@reddit
Open door, say nothing, just stand and stare, expressionless. Don't move. Nothing.
See how long they stay.
Or. I once answered the door carrying a sledgehammer cos I was knocking a wall down. He looked at me, looked at the hammer and fucked off.
AddictedToRugs@reddit
Door knockers need an "Are you sure?" pop up like software has.
Substantial_Egg_4660@reddit
I tell them learn to read and shut the door
jumpy_finale@reddit
Sentry machine gun
Dissidant@reddit
They don't hang about when they realise they are being recorded
External-Most-4481@reddit
There's no legal obligation for them to follow it, not much downside for them, etc.
The_Blip@reddit
Yes there is. Consumer Protection from Unfair Trading Regulations 2008, Schedule 1, Paragraph 25.
External-Most-4481@reddit
You can ask them not to return, unclear if much legal protection for the sign:
"25. Conducting personal visits to the consumer's home ignoring the consumer's request to leave or not to return, except in circumstances and to the extent justified to enforce a contractual obligation."
The_Blip@reddit
The sign is a request to leave.
Wiggidy-Wiggidy-bike@reddit (OP)
a blank 1 star review seems to be the main recourse. its a small hit, but its something and id prefer not to link myself to a obvious interaction. few owners seem to get annoyed at it and demand to know why
Powerful-Note-3243@reddit
the last one said
"I saw your sign but I thought I'd knock anyway "
spektard@reddit
Just point to the sign and close the door. Annoying i know.
I did a couple months of knocking on doors when I was 16 as it was the only "job" I could get at the time, and I was explicitly told to ignore the signs and knock anyway.
FEMXIII@reddit
Mine is on the gate before you get to my door, so before I engage with them I take them to the sign on the gate point at it and leave them there, while I head back inside.
No-Investment6476@reddit
Add a sign on your door saying they are welcome to knock if they agree to a fee of £20 per minute with a £1000 deposit to be paid up front, all excess monies will be refunded within 180 days.
Civil_opinion24@reddit
I watch them through the window when they knock on the door.
They can see me watching.
Then i ignore them and carry on watching the tv.
alexdelp1er0@reddit
Nothing. People are allowed to call at your door.
MountainMuffin1980@reddit
Get a ring camera or similar so you can see who it is and whether to ignore them. Or open the door and give an instant "no thanks" and then close it. Theres little else you can do.
NecroVelcro@reddit
Apologies if this is Captain Obvious advice but this information from Coventry Council includes a template letter to send to culprits. The business that keeps coming back, even after you've told them not to, is breaking the law but it's a bit of a toss-up whether Trading Standards/police would bother to do anything.
http://tradingstandardsblog.co.uk/doorstep-cold-calling-the-law
HardAtWorkISwear@reddit
I tend to shove my head out of the bedroom window and stare expectantly at them. If they start a spiel, I just withdraw. No words, no opportunity for persuasion, just retract and get back in bed. If they knock again, ignore.
Salt_Description_973@reddit
I slam the door in their face
Obvious-Water569@reddit
Point at the sign and close the door.
saladinzero@reddit
Just close the door and move on with your day.
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