Today is the day to ask your parents where they keep the will.
Posted by salesmunn@reddit | Xennials | View on Reddit | 141 comments
And if they don't have one, help them write one and keep it somewhere safe
TheBlueNinja0@reddit
My dad already died, and didn't have anything to leave behind. My mom might have a will, but I won't be in it.
Blathithor@reddit
Wait, so you think the will is just some piece of paper? Lmao!
vicious_pocket@reddit
I told my mom to leave me out of her will
Bear_Salary6976@reddit
The will and possibly a trust help a lot.
When my last grandparent died, my mother was the executor of the estate. The will was pretty simple and clear. My uncle, who has more money than I would ever have in 10 lifetimes, got well less than half. My mom got the rest. My grandparents did this because they knew that the inheritance would have been a drop in the bucket to him. My uncle still threatened to sue my mother for a larger chunk of the inheritance. Being that the will was pretty clear, the lawyer who prepared the will actually remembered preparing it and said he would testify, and the will was drafted 30 years prior, my uncle had no case.
He never followed through in the lawsuit probably because he couldn't find a lawyer willing to take the case on a contingent basis.
WittyAndWeird@reddit
My parents are dead. My dad didn’t have a will and the will situation with my mom was just bizarre. Make sure your wills are done properly and thoroughly people!
-MistressMissy-@reddit
My dad didn't have a will because my mom refused to believe he'd die (lung cancer) until it was too late. Like the ambulance taking him for the last time too late.
Even after that, my mom didn't have a will until about a week before she passed and that was only because my sisters father in law is a lawyer and we had him draw one up upon begging her while my aunt kept bitching about how making a will was an affront to gods healing and she was giving up on god. God wasn't going to heal her stage 4 pancreatic cancer Aunt Deb! 🙄
ElectricTurtlez@reddit
My grandmother had more money than God. My dad was her sole heir, but unfortunately he passed before her, and she never updated her will. When she passed five years later, so many relatives came out of the woodwork to claim everything. Now, eleven years later, as far as I know, they’re still fighting over it, and a lot of them no longer speak to each other.
Make your intentions known, and keep your paperwork up to date.
media-and-stuff@reddit
My dad didn’t have a will and would be furious over how my mom has treated me after this death.
It sucks.
If you have kids - don’t trust your spouse is gonna be cool with them when you die. Write a fucking will.
Grungegrownup3@reddit
Same but my mom would be furious with his my dad had been since she died 2 years ago
MLDaffy@reddit
After my mother passed away last year I brought this up to my father. Do you have a will or life insurance or anything? Yeah me and New Wife just have a simple will leaving the stuff to each other. I have a few things hidden away for you.
I'll never see that stuff.
She probably wouldn't even tell me if he was dead till after the funeral. She had his mother's house sold before her funeral and asked me at the funeral how long it would take me to get my things out. Found out this year or was so her daughter could move in and trashed the place before they wound up selling it.
red286@reddit
Was it like mine where I wasn't even informed of the reading? I have no clue if I was supposed to inherit anything or not. My parents lived about a 6 hour drive away from me, and I rushed up there when my dad was hospitalized. Stayed until he passed, stayed another 2 days, absolutely had to get back to work though (I'm a 1-man department, without me working, nothing gets done). And then I never heard anything else. No clue if there was a funeral, no clue if there was a reading of the will, nothing.
WittyAndWeird@reddit
That’s crazy! I think it would have been the same situation with me if I hadn’t inserted myself in the whole thing.
My oldest sister lived with my mom and “cared for her.” I use that term extremely loosely. After my mom died, my sister just… didn’t do anything. For a year. So finally I was like, what’s going on? That sister doesn’t speak to me anymore so I had my other sister reach out to her and ask about the will. My oldest sister got really defensive and started acting sketchy and asked why we wanted to see it. She wouldn’t give it up. My other sister told her that it’s been a year and the estate needs to get settled. Oldest sister said she’ll do it when she’s good and fucking ready and called us vultures.
Now, I wasn’t about to let that go. Maybe I should have, but I didn’t like the situation she had my mom living in and decided to go all in on this and hired an attorney. After the threat of going to court and petitioning to become the executor myself to get it done, she finally submitted the will to get things started.
So, I have family that lives in the same city so I asked them to go get a copy of the will and send it to me (you had to get it in person). It was unreal. It had my oldest sister listed as the executor (and not even her legal name, at that), my mom’s signature, and the notary signature. That was it. Literally a blank will. No assets listed, no witness signatures. Nothing.
After doing some digging I found out that our cousin works with a notary. A couple of years before my mom died, the cousin downloaded a blank will template off the internet, put my sister as the executor, had her coworker notarize it, and sent it to my mom to fill out and sign. They just… never did it. For years.
So, in the end, I, with the help of my kickass lawyer, was able to screw my sister royally for mistreating our mother. I don’t regret it.
povertyandpinetrees@reddit
Make sure that people are listed as beneficiaries on 401k and pension plans too. My father died in July of last year and I'm still wrangling with the company that holds his 401k.
Electrical-Arrival57@reddit
Very good point! This is where setting up a trust can be valuable - the trust is listed as the beneficiary and then assets are divided according to the trust. Going thru that process right now after my mom died in September.
Idislikethis_@reddit
Luckily my Mom is super on top of all that stuff so it's all set. Plus my brothers and I are on the same page with things so there won't be any weird fighting over stuff like we saw with our great grandmother and grandparents. I just told my husband that this year we really need to get it done for ourselves. It's probably not great that we haven't yet.
Electrical-Arrival57@reddit
Really, please make it your 2025 resolution, especially if you have kids! I think you will find it gives you a lot of peace of mind once it’s done!
GuiltyOutcome140@reddit
My dad died pretty recently. I was astounded by how much more we needed than a will. My mom was ignorant of so many things and also completely out of it for months. Credit card information? Utility companies - what keeps your lights on? Your cell phone going? We needed his Social Security card. How do we get rid of his rental car? Do ebills go to an email that we can’t access? What other savings or insurance was in his name? If your parents are willing to talk about it, try to get this information on paper somewhere. You may have to help the surviving parent keep going in ways you did mot expect.
salesmunn@reddit (OP)
This is key of my post, get people talking about the drawbacks of not doing it. Imagine you having to pay all of your parents bills for months while you struggle to gain access to everything. Can you afford to do? I know someone right now who has to pay everything, mortgage and all bills for probably 6 months until the court grts around to deciding she is "legally" executor of the estate.
Most of that can be avoided with a legally binding will.
Electrical-Arrival57@reddit
This is so on target. I worked for a physician who passed away totally unexpectedly at only 47 years old. He was married, so there wasn’t really any question about his wife being heir to his assets, but! There was all sorts of stuff she didn’t know - passwords to bank and insurance websites, professional organizations that he was paying dues to, etc. There was even a life insurance policy that she didn’t know existed! My husband and I worked with an attorney to set up a trust (and we don’t even have kids) and we came out of the process with a HUGE binder that contains all our trust, healthcare POA and will documents plus info about every major account we have, including passwords. That process also included getting each of us listed as an authorized signatory on the other’s bank accounts and also putting things into the name of the trust.
My dad died in 2015 and my siblings and I all had copies of his documents, even though mom survived him. He had established a trust, which makes things so much easier when the time comes. He also spent time with my sister who lived in the same city going over all his finances (he had a pension from his lifelong employer) when it became apparent that his last days were approaching. Mom just died this past September and that trust was really Dad’s last gift to all of us - not from a financial standpoint, but from the standpoint of reducing the burden on all of us. My sister and I exchanged copies of our own trust/will/POA info several years ago.
Moist_Rule9623@reddit
I got mighty lucky, and literally got my hands on the will weeks before my mother died very suddenly. Still don’t have a proper inventory of accounts or anything but I’m miles ahead of where I would be in the court process without the EXTREMELY GENERIC 40 YEARS OUT OF DATE will.
People. Don’t do this to your kids. Write a detailed will, grant a power of attorney, write up your advance directives, do all the things. It’s not bad luck to plan ahead for your own demise, I promise you.
ljedediah41@reddit
I told mom to write it all down and put it in a folder and put it where it's accessible. I was given a list, scrawled out on a scrap of red paper, with all the accounts and insurance info.
eojrepus@reddit
My moms passed away last year on May 15th. Very sudden and very unexpected. She had a heart attack in her sleep.
We looked for a while for the will only to find that she had left it out on the table in the kitchen in a folder. It’s been helpful in expediting the process.
What’s also important is ensuring you have access to accounts, passwords and that your parents have beneficiaries on insurance policies set up correctly and current
We’re still struggling with her 401k because she listed our step father as the beneficiary who hasn’t been in the picture for 10 years.
basylica@reddit
I stopped calling my parents 12yrs ago. I havent ignored them or blocked them, i just stopped initiating.
Honestly, i probably wont be told when a parent passes, and i doubt they would leave me a half eaten pack of crackers.
So yeah. Good times.
My dads mother was still alive last i checked, but i dont think ill be told about her either.
jgguthri@reddit
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I chose to cut off my abusive, neglectful mom 16 years ago. I was raised by my dad and stepmom but they never call me or visit and I often think that if I didn’t make the initiative, I would lose contact with them as well. I’m constantly drowning in anxiety that they’re mad at me. I’m almost 44 and still feel like a child with them. I see a therapist weekly and it helps but I can’t seem to lessen the pain or anxiety.
trishamyst@reddit
Honestly jealous that some of y’all still have both your parents
mrmadchef@reddit
Lost my dad unexpectedly 21 years ago; I feel that.
I've been after mom about an estate plan ever since... I think she's finally ready to start having those conversations. The law school in my city does basic estate planning at their free legal clinic; I'm hoping I can get her an appointment to sit down with them and at least get something started. I fully expect to end up having to pay someone to finish and finalize it, but if it at least gets the process moving, well... I'll take what I can get.
trishamyst@reddit
I got lucky, wasn’t even thinking about that stuff but my parents were prepared way ahead of time
Silly-Shoulder-6257@reddit
Me too but they’ve since divorced and probably haven’t made any relevant changes or remember where they put it so I better get on that. Also, people are dying at a very fast rate in their 50’s and 60’s unexpectedly compared to my parents or friends parents who may be sick even but they’re alive and kicking. People my age or maybe 10 years older are suddenly dying. Quickly and painlessly thankfully 🙏🏻
NSA_Chatbot@reddit
You won't have long to be envious. My parents are probably down to single digit birthdays left.
trishamyst@reddit
I wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. It’s just a tiny flicker of bitterness that rears up occasionally.
DrenAss@reddit
I just lost my last grandparent and that hit me harder than I thought it would. Nothing says "Goodbye youth" like not having grandparents.
Redditusero4334950@reddit
It's in the safe.
spanky_macdoogle@reddit
My dad made a folder for me with all of his important info, including passwords and whatnot. Instructions are listed regarding EVERYTHING. It’s in a special spot in his desk with my name on it and he points it out regularly.
I’m nowhere close to expecting death but I have a similar folder for my son, as well as an advance directive detailing my wishes and power of attorney. If you don’t have this stuff in place I highly recommend it.
Cisru711@reddit
Nah. If they don't have a will, I can't get cut out of 1/3 of their assets. (2 siblings).
Wills really only become important if you want to do something other than the default distribution.
_shaftpunk@reddit
My mom lives in an apartment and I help her with rent constantly and she still asks for gas money every week. She ain’t gonna have shit to leave me.
stupid_idiot3982@reddit
God fucking damn it, I can't have this conversation without bursting into tears. It's really bizarre for me....and them too. I honestly can't do it. I literally well up the moment it's brought up. It makes me so sad
scienceismybff@reddit
My in laws don’t talk about this and my husband doesn’t want to ask. It’s like a freight train coming full speed and I can’t stop it.
catforbrains@reddit
And that's the day I get screamed at for asking because "it's none of your business! Don't worry about it! You're just waiting for my money!"
strong-4@reddit
Exactly ... i am shocked at how many parents actually think this. All my friends are facing this issue. And when told to get their finaces, will in order then we are the selfish pricks. Fine dont leave anything to us but also dont leave us mess and load of sorting through your useless stuff either.
catforbrains@reddit
It's nice to know I am not alone in this. I wish I had a support group for people in this position. I'm low contact with them for reasons like this. My Dad turned 80, and my Mother is 70. My disabled but not on disability brother lives with them. They've both had minor health crises, and I'm not sure how long they can age in place. I need to have a conversation with them about how tf they expect my brother to exist when they're gone. I cannot have this conversation without it immediately going to screaming about wanting their money.
kanyewesternfront@reddit
you may need a trust, not a will, which allows you to skip probate and also allows you to be an executor in case of incapacitation. Make sure you know the difference.
NSA_Chatbot@reddit
I signed the update just a few years ago.
Peaceoorwar@reddit
My parents will leave me bills
rantingpacifist@reddit
If you’re in the US this is not how it works
KiniShakenBake@reddit
In Pennsylvania it is!!!
rantingpacifist@reddit
No, the estate is responsible. Not the child. Unless the child was already on the contract for the debt.
KiniShakenBake@reddit
Oh Pennsylvania will go after the kids. They have the worst filial responsibility laws in the nation. And they are extraterritorial in application of those.
wolfmann99@reddit
well if you have to deal with their estate.... yeah you kinda do.
Polybrene@reddit
You can also just... not deal with it.
nugsy_mcb@reddit
That’s what I’m doing. “Uhhhh, what credit cards? I know nothing about that.”
Polybrene@reddit
I've spent decades fielding aggressive phone calls from my movers creditors. I'm a pro now.
w0rsh1pm3owo@reddit
it depends on the state and the bills in question. some states do not allow bills to be "passed on" while other states have certain costs be paid by the offset, while others still will have the debt passed on.
NW_Forester@reddit
My parents keep their will, list of accounts and account passwords in a fireproof safe and they have a copy of all that in their safety deposit box in case anything happens.
CheesyRomantic@reddit
My grandparents didn’t have a will, and this really showed my uncle’s true colours.
My grandparents, parents and I (along with great-grandparents) lived together. My uncle and his family lived in another city.
My parents helped with house payments and bills and food and helped care for my great-grandparents and grandparents when they got older.
My uncle, aunt and cousin visited on special occasions only and I can count on one hand how many times they invited my grandparents over (my uncle’s parents).
When my grandparents passed they were very quick to come take half the house and wanted their half immediately. And then they came and took all my grandparents furniture to give to their son who was having a baby unexpectedly.
I can count both hands the amount of times I’ve seen them in the last 20 years since they’ve passed.
Believe me…. Make the will. Protect your parents .
waterbird_@reddit
And if you don’t have your own estate plans done, get it done! We aren’t getting any younger.
quintk@reddit
I have a group legal plan as a benefit at work that covered the cost — it made a family trust and a real, lawyer advised will affordable. My wife and I made each other joint on all our accounts (so if one of us dies there’s no delay or paperwork). But I remembered the other day we have to figure out password sharing. All of our utilities and childcare and many medical billing accounts are randomly in whoever’s name signed up first.
Opening_Success@reddit
Get a password book. We have one with every utility and financial account we have with login and password information. We keep it locked in our safe.
allisashnow@reddit
I will my LOTR DVDs to my ex and my mom can keep and give out the rest. I have no kids and no partner and no property. This is my will. LOL
waterbird_@reddit
I do get it but you should still make plans and have them written down for what you want to happen to you in a medical situation. If you’re in a persistent vegetative state, etc. It saves your family members from having to make agonizing decisions and also ensures that what you want to happen will happen!
allisashnow@reddit
Oh I know. I'm mostly teasing. It is a good thing to have.
LiliWenFach@reddit
My sister in law just died unexpectedly. She was 41. Husband and I have to get ours sorted. He brushed off the suggestion every time I made it, but this has changed him. It's changed me too. I can almost feel the grim reaper whispering 'it might be you next'. That's not me being flippant. It's frightening how it can all be gone in an instant.
ShakeItUpNowSugaree@reddit
I lost my husband a few days after his 47th birthday. I ended up having mine done less than 2 months later.
waterbird_@reddit
I’m so sorry about your husband.
waterbird_@reddit
Oh wow I’m so sorry about your SIL that is was too young!
mrmadchef@reddit
I know I need to get something put together, but seeing as I'm single with no kids (and that's not likely to change), I know it's likely going to fall to my nieces when the time comes, and I want to be as thorough as possible in planning to make it as easy and painless for them as I possibly can.
BlindGus@reddit
I'm not sure if this helps you, but for anyone trying to help their parents, Scope can usually point you in the right direction. When my mom passed away in 19, it was a Godsend to have the notebook with everything in it. Scope Center had an entire day to help everyone with their After Death Notebook.
erween84@reddit
Yep, my husband and i had a lawyer re-do our whole estate last year when we went out of the country. Our kids are 3 and 7 and we hadn’t updated anything in 9 years.
My parents also gave us a book called ‘I’m Dead, Now What?’ It contains information on where all of their assets, insurance policies, wills, etc are. So if anything happens to them we know where to find it all- no surprises, no extra work on our part. It can seem macabre to talk about, but it’s very necessary.
waterbird_@reddit
Wow that sounds amazing! I’ll check out the book - thank you
ShakeItUpNowSugaree@reddit
Google "legacy binder" and there are a couple of good free ones out there too. The one I used seems to have been taken down.
ShakeItUpNowSugaree@reddit
There's a website called myfreelegacybinder.co
ybreddit@reddit
I will my LOTR DVDs to my ex and my mom can keep and give out the rest. I have no kids and no partner and no property. This is my will. LOL
MissMelines@reddit
My parents have both been sick for so long we took care of this years ago.
wanderingxstar@reddit
Yes, do yourself a favor and make sure they have it in a known to you, safe location. I searched high and low for my mom's, but never found it. My grandma had everything written down in a notebook and folder and told me where it was and what she wanted. When she passed, I gave it to my aunts and they still tore the place apart because they didn't believe that was it.
SapphireJuice@reddit
I know where it and all the important papers are, I'm the executor of their estate. Not looking forward to the day I actually have to delay with that.
nugsy_mcb@reddit
My dad passed away at the beginning of December unexpectedly and didn’t have a will or any passwords of any kind written down. He and my mom have been divorced for 20 years and I’m the only immediate family left in our home state so everything has come down on me and it’s been impossible to get pretty much anything taken care of. The only thing that’s made it easier is that he had pretty much no assets; I can’t imagine how hard it would have been if he had a house/investment accounts/etc.
I’ve been telling everyone I know that it’s time to talk to their parents about this stuff and to get their own affairs in order.
Traditional_Entry183@reddit
My parents are alive, but have been working lower middle class most of their lives, and dirt poor before that. Whatever assets they have won't be fought over.
Unfortunately the neighborhood their small house sits in now looks like Mordor too, due to disgusting fracking. What use to be a beautiful valley across the road while I was growing up is now a massive black lake of goo, with construction equipment running 24/7/365. Their property value has to be almost nothing.
quintk@reddit
My parent’s well water has become incredibly sulfurous since I left home. Possibly caused by neighborhood drilling or construction or who knows. There’s more homes then there used to be and it is natural gas territory too so the there’s been plenty of disruption to the ground. Part of property including a hobbyist grape vine was torn up for a pipeline.
The water is tested as safe but I consider it undrinkable and it makes the whole house reek. Unlike mineral content there’s no cost effective way to treat it, especially not considering what the house is worth. It’s a damn shame. It’s not a rich person’s place but it’s a decent property and they take good care of it.
Traditional_Entry183@reddit
Thankfully my parents are on city water or I'd be worried too. I have a well myself but I live in another state.
Diligent_Shopping445@reddit
Please, my parents raised me repeatedly telling me “he who dies closest to zero wins”. No need to ask.
funatical@reddit
We all know where it is. One of my siblings is the executor. My brother and I are just here in case of emergencies.
YinzaJagoff@reddit
My dad died already and my mom has nothing, plus I don’t talk to her anyway.
KoRaZee@reddit
This is my soon to be future
YinzaJagoff@reddit
Yeah my mom wouldn’t work no matter how much my dad asked her to, so she became fully dependent on him, and as his income reduced over the years as my dad wouldn’t skill up in his industry (machinist), the amount of stuff they dwindled as well.
Living paycheck to paycheck plus with the help of credit cards.
Not a great way to plan for the future.
OkBiscotti1140@reddit
My stepdad to me before every vacation they take: if anything happens, the will’s on the dining room table, here’s where we moved the emergency money stash to.
AssclownJericho@reddit
my mom passed in 2021, and took awhile to find the wills because she had them in her room and not the room she shared with my dad, in the tv stand.
now my dad has them in his desk.
GorganzolaVsKong@reddit
Father didn’t have one - my mothers is at my house - I also recommend, legally, responsibly, transferring as much while they are still alive into your name- shared accounts, deeds (again legally) etc. Grieving and figuring all that stuff out at the same time is stressful
thelaststarebender@reddit
Um….spouses, too. Some of us out here are widows/widowers already. Buy life insurance!
LoganJamesMusic@reddit
Both of mine have already passed on. Dad in February 2011 and Mom December 2012...
BearCat1478@reddit
I have both parents, I'm their caregiver. One lives with me, other lives with his sig. other. She's a pita and hates that I'm in charge and in control. I just had my Dad redo his will to clear up unnecessary information as well as remove irrelevant people in it. She tried to pull her weight but I kept her in check. She was left well off by her former deceased husband but she's needy financially just because. It's gonna be an issue no matter what and cost me in the end unless she goes first 🤞🏼!
lifeat24fps@reddit
If you expect a will today is also the day to ask about their long-term healthcare plan. Also the time to prepare asset transfer and create trusts or life estates to avoid the Medicaid clawback if they end needing nursing home care and do not the coverage for it.
Medicaid Estate Recovery. Look it up, learn about it, do what you can to prevent it.
ShakeItUpNowSugaree@reddit
This. I'm terrified that my parents haven't made sufficient plans for this and will end up causing a huge rift between me and my sibling.
GolfEchoEchoKilo@reddit
There are also printable “family emergency binders”. That they’ll list out bank accounts, brokerages, life insurance policies, health insuarance, mortgage, etc.
We filled one out, and they filled one out.
tanksalotfrank@reddit
Pff my parents are idiots and leave that up to their toxic spouses xD
lordskulldragon@reddit
Mom's already gone, she left me $1 but jokes on her, I got everything since I'm better friends with her brother (executor) than she was.
Most of my fathers stuff is in my garage. Trying to get him to come down and go through it. Maybe this summer.
nochumplovesucka__@reddit
Mom and Dad don't look so hot these days......
Informal_Border8581@reddit
My mother died almost four years ago. I found her will in a craft tub in the living room along with the rolling pin from the kitchen..
WholeLog24@reddit
This is probably where mine will be stored in 30 years.
Hello_Hangnail@reddit
Too broke for a will, but I made sure to tell my mom that if I die early, I have a life insurance policy so at least she'll get some benjamins out of it
lemystereduchipot@reddit
My father died recently. He listed my mom as the beneficiary on nearly everything. He also signed a will over a decade ago.
It made arranging everything after he passed pretty easy.
DreamCrusher914@reddit
If they don’t have one, have them find and meet with an estate planning attorney licensed in their state. Estate planning documents (which could included deeds) need to be properly crafted and executed according to the laws of the state in which your parents reside.
SharpJET420@reddit
Also make sure you also know the laws in your state regarding them.
AfterRadio9233@reddit
Once every 3-4 months my Mom goes over where all of her stuff is and what to do if her and my (step) dad were to die suddenly. They take a lot of cross and out of country trips so she usually goes back over this before major travel. I HATE talking about it. But it is necessary. I dread that day as my dad has an entire 100x400 building we call the shop full of stuff that’s useless to anyone outside of his profession and even then 90% of it is outdated now. He just refuses to get rid of most of it. Although there are a few cool tidbits in there. And an absolute ton of really cool (and specialized) tools.
JanxAngel@reddit
I've already asked my parents about not only their wills but also if they had any prepaid arrangements, where I could find other important papers, passwords, etc.
eatmoremeatnow@reddit
The movies and all that make wills seem like they are some kind of solid document but they are absolutely not.
Once you die your money goes in a bucket and people work out what they want to do and a will is basically garbage.
A will is a movie trope.
Ideally, you should give all your money to your kids or whoever while you're alive and a will covers all the leftover BS.
Disastrous-Panda5530@reddit
My parents have a will. My dad has always been the type of person to plan for the future. My mom isn’t but my dad is and he’s taken care of her will. Our inheritance has already been divided so to speak. My dad let us know how things are being divided between me and my two siblings. Which is basically all split 3 ways. My mom wanted to give my brother their house. He’s the youngest and only boy. My mom is Asian and they love their boys. My dad (white) said no. Me and my sister talked about letting him have it though. He’s the only one who doesn’t own a home.
I have a will in place but this reminds me that it needs to be updated. My husband doesn’t and I’ve been telling him he needs to have one.
goofytigre@reddit
I have a copy of their will in my files. I am going to be the executor when the time comes. They made sure to tell me that being the executor doesn't mean I get to pull the plug. I guess the excitement on my face was a little too obvious
AppropriateAmoeba406@reddit
My parents have no things that I want.
Satansbeefjerky@reddit
My step dad was dragging his feet on it so I called an attorney and put the phone to his ear to set up an appointment, he asked the secretary if this was elder abuse ha
mystiqueallie@reddit
My dad passed away 16 years ago and then within the last two years, two of my siblings’ in-laws passed away. It kick started my mom to make sure all of her paperwork is in order and making sure everything is streamlined for when she passes. I’m thankful she wants to make it easier for us than the in-laws’ estates were.
Skate_faced@reddit
This came up in a conversation with the mother. Mom is the eldest remaining member of the family. And has inherited the collective family fortune after a long life of being close to poverty with kids in tow.
We lost a lot of family in the span of five or six years. Dad, OPA, oma, grandpa, uncle, cousin, cousin, cousin, brother.... Before and after COVID, not a single COVID death.
Despite a couple of us thinking it was our turn. We didn't get the light COVID.
But now it's down to a few kids, many grand babies, a great grand baby and mom.
The past four years has been a time of reconciliation and reconnecting for mom and I. Me and my kids were no contact for over a decade. We've really been happy being around everyone and I have a relationship with my mom for the first time in my life that wasn't just a name on the birth certificate or person at the funerals.
So I said to be left out. Take care of my kids. I know the family ain't broke anymore on account of everyone dying and that's with mom, so leave something for the kids.
I have my mom, and I don't want anything to fuck that up, and if there's any chance of drama because of the will or whatever, it still can't Sully what I got back so late in life if I ain't on it. I'm paranoid as fuck like that and have seen what a family will can do.
But, that conversation was because she wanted to outline where it is, her emergency orders, and senior medical records. This part of things, I'm perfectly fine with. She didn't expect my reaction at first, and I wasn't expecting it to be more business than anything.
She made a good point. I don't have to be in it, but it is important I am involved with it, and am in the know. Dealing with the passing of loved ones is hard.
It's so much harder if you are left with no directive. Have an honest conversation with your parents and make sure they know where your plans are as well. I never thought to leave a copy with anyone to make sure it's taken care of.
Talking about death, wills and having a plan led to probably the most meaningful conversations we've ever had. What was supposed to be a quick "my shit is here here here and I want this done and the such" turned into me over sharing my worries and my mom being shocked as fuck that I have a will and end of life directive written up.
Sorry for the wall, but I read the question and my head went right back to have that conversation with mom and how it went.
Talk to your parents. Have a plan. Respect their wishes.
bugwitch@reddit
Medical Power of Attorney and have a copy for yourself. Also be sure you know what they want done in the event that something does happen. Both in the hospital and after death.
Then have that same discussion with your own kids/siblings/spouse.
Sincerely,
A medical student who spent many years working in the funeral industry
I-DONT-EAT-MY-POOP@reddit
My parents died a decade and a half ago. Neither knew to have the wills notarized properly. Neither knew to consult an attorney about how to pass things along to us kids. A will is worthless without legality.
MLDaffy@reddit
Yeap the piece of paper that's written out means nothing unless it's done legally. I thought it was always that way but for some reason all the older generations just thought you could just write down I leave everything to etc....
ARWren85@reddit
I wish my user name was u/ whatever-you-say-poop- mouth..
ARWren85@reddit
But also my husband's parents died 20 years ago and I'm not contact with mine, so just know I was being funny. Not an asshole.😘😎
somenemophilist@reddit
Another good piece of advice is to keep a piece of paper, or a note on your phone with the following information. Any doctors they have, with their contact information. What medications they are currently taking, with dosages, etc., and any allergies to medications. This way if you suddenly find yourself at the hospital with them and they cannot answer for themselves, you can easily pull up this information to hand over to the medical staff. One less thing to worry about while you’re worried about them.
Ultimate_Driving@reddit
My mom absolutely REFUSES to write one. She won't even appoint someone as personal representative to make that process cheaper and easier.
ZetaWMo4@reddit
I have my parents’ will somewhere in a random box in my attic.
mrmadchef@reddit
Maybe consider at least a cheap fire safe? The basic ones are like, $20 at Walmart.
ZetaWMo4@reddit
I’d have to find the will first. My plan is to wait until one of them dies so I have an excuse to make my husband clean and organize the attic with me.
Legendary_GrumpyCat@reddit
My grandmother had one of those "do it yourself" wills from a program. Thankfully no one challenged it, but FYI they do not hold up legally.
ketamineburner@reddit
I have had a copy for at least 15 years, but I don't need it. They are giving everything to their church. They live in another state, I doubt I will get involved when they pass.
North_Firefighter205@reddit
My black ass mama said she ain't ready for a will. She thinks it'll jinx her. Her grandmother and mother didn't have wills. They lived for almost 100 years. She wants to wait until she's 90 to write a will.
TickleWitch@reddit
Flawless logic. 10/10
aceshighsays@reddit
They don’t have a will and I’m their only kid. I’ve tried talking to them about it and they said they don’t need one.
TickleWitch@reddit
Don't you worry they have one! And they've entrusted your least favorite relative to handle all the arrangements when the time comes!
Slammogram@reddit
There ain’t nothing they got that I want. Lol.
norfnorf832@reddit
Yeah we are in the process of wondering where my grandma's second will is because this one is from 02 and is incongruent with things she has said
Correct-Ad8693@reddit
Give a copy of the will to the county to have on record! That would have saved me.
Lerch737@reddit
Fuck my pops just started week 7 of chemo... thanks for the reminder OP
Norse_By_North_West@reddit
Yeah I only found out my mom's will is done recently... She's got her 4th and 5th cancers and wanted to make sure my dad didn't get shit and it all went to my sister and I.
Not sure I want to bother talking with my dad about this shit, he'll probably leave it mainly to his sister anyways.
draculasbloodtype@reddit
Best of luck to your Dad! My Mom is 5 months into treatment for leukemia. Hit me up if you need a sympathetic ear.
Lerch737@reddit
Ty! It's his second go around and so far so good
Persis-@reddit
Mine are gone, so all that is dealt with already. Although theoretically, there’s something left in my grandfather’s trust that my dad inherited that my siblings and I will see when my step-mom passes.
I, personally, do not know where my ILs’ will is, but knowing FIL, it’s all taken care of, and I’m guessing the executor (BIL) knows.
Nephite11@reddit
I’m the executor for my parents so I’ve already had those conversations and I’m prepared whenever they pass away
the_owl_syndicate@reddit
My mom died over 10 years ago, my dad sat me down and went through all the paperwork for them both, including burial plots. Every now and again, he will randomly remind me where all the papers are stored.
Metzger4Sheriff@reddit
And while you're at it, written advanced directives for medical decisions in case they become unable to make decisions themselves. This will prevent family disagreements about care, and depending on state law, may be necessary to end life-sustaining treatments.
New_Needleworker_473@reddit
I have no idea if my father has a will, but his wife is almost as young as me, so it doesn't matter. I know my in laws lawyer personally, and they have my husband and SIL as executors, so it's not my problem either. Guess I lucked out. I also have zero inheritance to look forward to, so that's nice because I don't count on it. Win win win in my book.
ibedave7777@reddit
Bottom right quarter.
SuperCareer5230@reddit
Seriously, do this, and talk over with them different scenarios and stuff it doesn’t cover. It took 6 months to get a court order to open the safe deposit box, and all it had was copies of stuff I already had.
tj_hooker99@reddit
Executor of both my dad and stepmother trust as well as my mom and step-dad as well.