anon make a mistake | TheaterFire

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fatballs88@reddit

My friend just told me that he can’t cry around his wife because she either laughs about it or doesn’t take it seriously. When he’s not crying, he acts like the biggest macho bloke you’d ever meet. Makes fun of sensitive people, poetry, romance and anything that doesn’t seem manly. Why is his wife such a bitch?

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DeathSabre7@reddit

Give your bro a hug and take him out to movie once like Nosferatu or something. Listen to him, I've had close people end themselves when they couldn't bottle up enough and it bursts.

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superiorplaps@reddit

This so much, keeping everything inside and never releasing emotions is why men die of heart disease after 40

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Sec_Chief_Blanchard@reddit

People die of heart disease because of their diet and lack of exercise.

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Letters_to_Dionysus@reddit

lol im all for supporting men having emotions but be real, you just made all that shit up

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rvrsespacecowgirl@reddit

girl what?

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superiorplaps@reddit

Keeping emotions in leads to stress. Chronic stress leads to increased cortisol. Increased cortisol leads to inflammation, high blood pressure, and blood sugar. These lead to heart disease.

Just in case you didn't know, we live in a world where this information has been studied and is readily available. There's a website called Google I recommend if you want to look into this yourself.

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Letters_to_Dionysus@reddit

you couldn't find a study that proves your highly specific made up point if you wanted to. you're just chaining together plausible sounding things and pretending that's the scientific consensus

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Cum_balls_burger@reddit

you are delusional

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Letters_to_Dionysus@reddit

you're illiterate

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Cum_balls_burger@reddit

you are delusionall

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KStryke_gamer001@reddit

You don't need a study to prove something that is common sense. It's common kowedge that stress is related to heart attacks. It's also pretty common knowledge that keeping trauma bottled up increases stress. You don't need to spend a fortune conducting whatever study to know this.

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Letters_to_Dionysus@reddit

used to be common sense that worms fell from the sky during rainstorms

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Squirrel_Bacon_69@reddit

I'm pretty sure you just made that up

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Letters_to_Dionysus@reddit

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spontaneous_generation

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imanji17@reddit

You can find dozens and dozens of studies linking stress to heart disease, and it's not much of an intellectual leap to see that bottling emotions and feeling persecuted for vulnerability would lead to higher levels of stress in men where these social stigmas are present.

If you want a study that is more relevant to the other commenter's "highly specific point", here's a study that links the idea of "self-reliance" in men to higher rates of suicidal ideation:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/15579883221123853

You can look through the 'similar articles' tab to find more research that reinforces the fact that this dynamic exists

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Letters_to_Dionysus@reddit

no you're still doing the same thing he did and drawing a conclusion that you like the sound of but isn't supported by the evidence. the catharsis theory of emotions has been soundly disproven, so no, not being able to complain is not what's killing people from stress. if anything, it's more likely to be a lack of agency to address the things that stress you out + an inability to escape stressful circumstances that will contribute to an early death from heart disease.

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materr5@reddit

We get it you like to poke holes in people's arguments. Stop. Look im doing it too aren't I special.

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superiorplaps@reddit

It's such a weird hill to die on

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clotifoth@reddit

Ostracism doesn't add anything to the discussion

Plenty of people are egoistic in this world, even the ones who fuck

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GayHagFromOuterSpace@reddit

Someone is scared to admit hes wrong. Just say it, or else the cardiac arrest is coming.

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The_King_7067@reddit

I like how universities and companies warn us about stress being bad before drowning us in it through work and assignments (and exams if student)

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GoGoSoLo@reddit

Right idea but I wouldn’t take anyone I like to watch Nosferatu. Went with friends recently and left more depressed after a two and a half hour slog revolving around mental illness.

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DeathSabre7@reddit

Ah shit, I thought it'd be peak. Gotta wait for The Brutalist then, oh wait, damnit

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vpilled@reddit

Women often lack compassion for men, because they can't empathise with us. Their compassion is all about relating to themselves, how would they feel in that situation etc. If they can't construct a story about themselves being in a given hypothetical situation, there is no empathy happening there.

Since she can't imagine what it's like to be a man herself, and since she has a strong, specific yet abstract idea of what men are like (something analogous to "dogs bark and like bones"), if you go outside that mold it becomes absurd to her. Humor!

I could go on, and there are other consequences of this peculiar quirk of the psyche, but I won't, and I'd like to add I'm happily married and have just learned to accept women as they are. We're likely just as odd to them.

But the fabled "female empathy" is not what it is made out to be. It's more particular than you might expect.

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disposableaccount848@reddit

Seeing men on /r/greentext talk about women surely is an interesting experience...

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vpilled@reddit

I'm not usually here much.

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moist-rain6@reddit

This is why anything related to 'toxic masculinity' and feminists wanting men to open up is utter bullshit. It's the idea and wanting things their way they actually want. Not the actual result.

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SurrealWino@reddit

I think you're spot on with this. Another similar difference is easily found in the whole "women take on the mental load of the household" discussion. My wife will happily complain about how I don't go to our child's medical appointments, for example, and that she has to schedule them and go to them and it's such a burden. But if I try to schedule an appointment, I'm doing it wrong.

She'll say something like, "Are you sure about the time? It's too close to our nape time, but fine. Oh, and here's the list of things you should talk about, and, you know what, I remembered (insert minor detail here), maybe I'll just do it."

So not only do many women have low empathy for men, they also don't trust us to do anything that they would do. But when it comes to a hot water heater, well, they will call on a man to help 99 times out of 100.

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Neil_Ribsy@reddit

To be fair, the average man is equally as lacking in empathy for women's gender-specific stresses as a whole too. It's not just women lacking empathy for men.

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DarkScorpion48@reddit

That is true. But I think the difference is that one side claims to be but actually isn’t while the other side owns it up.

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Neil_Ribsy@reddit

Hahaha you're you'd get downvoted in any other subreddit for saying this but you're absolutely right.

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Explorer_the_No-life@reddit

Humans in general aren't very empathetic. Most of us care mainly about our own needs and best interest. If other people problems don't match with these, then they are less important. Which is fine, such is the nature.

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Ravenhayth@reddit

Exactly, I've known plenty of genuinely empathetic women and men. It's just a lack of empathy in general, and if you date someone that's like that your relationship is gonna suck in the long run

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clotifoth@reddit

raising children right is NOT gender-specific stress

even if you are unrelated to the child, you have a duty to raise them to be upright functional healthy people in whatever sense you interact with them

"I disagree with this" folks is the same energy as "I'm childfree, I'm denigrating you for having kids, you HAVE to accept this or you're bigoted"

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clotifoth@reddit

this is called self-centered or egocentric thinking

does being self centered contribute to the child or to the relationship? it doesn't

i would say we shouldn't do this, man or woman, but we should have the respect for the human condition that let's us take in this fact and others that people are not perfect

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Cheezeepants@reddit

this isnt something that only applies to women empathizing with men. many people seem to have a distinct lack of empathy. empathy is something that has to be learned, and yet it is not taught enough in our society.

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DinoBirdsBoi@reddit

tomboy gf x shoujo bf wins again

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BanzaiKen@reddit

This is bang on advice.

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atomic_bison_3162@reddit

Why tf do we have to share the earth with such emotionally absent insensitive pieces of shits?

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SuspiciousRelation43@reddit

Why us “emotionally absent pieces of shit” have to share the Earth with such worthless snivelling pussies? I’m sorry mommy didn’t show up to your middle school talent show, but collapsing into a quivering mess of snot and tears isn’t going to roof a house or feed children.

If you have legitimate trauma, see a psychologist. Don’t expect someone you’ve spent a few weeks with to regulate your infantile emotions for you.

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Eragon10401@reddit

There’s a whole lot wrong with this, but I’m just going to focus on one aspect.

Why does your mind put a paywall on emotional vulnerability and being supportive? When my girlfriend opens up to me about something, I want to be supportive. It is normal and human to support your friends through the most bitter, traumatic and scarring miseries they will ever feel. That is quite literally what human connection is there for.

I’ll just quote Oscar Wilde.

If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it, I should not mind a bit. but if a friend of mine had a sorrow and refused to allow me to share it, I should feel it most bitterly. If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me, I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted so that I might share in what I was entitled to share. If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him, I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation.

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thil3000@reddit

Why do you feel targeted? What do you assume his emotially absent basket of people is full of? Why did you assume that

Also casual uncommitted relationship of two years… jeez get a reading tutoring

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bigbang4@reddit

Someone just hit a nerve for you tonrespond like that. You took the comment wayvtoo personally. Says alot about your own emotional maturity. Lol

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SuspiciousRelation43@reddit

I’m tired of seeing emotional immaturity celebrated. It’s not your spouse’s job to regulate your emotions or deal with your personal trauma, no matter how many memes you see of guys talking about the “dommy mommy stroking my hair while I cry on her lap.” magically fixing everything in their lives.

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BanzaiKen@reddit

I personally appreciate the mask off and more guys need to hear this.

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SuspiciousRelation43@reddit

What do you mean mask off?

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BanzaiKen@reddit

Modern men are taught from an early age in modern media that women are supposed to help and nurture them. The truth is either they win or at least give the appearance of winning or they get fucked. OOP and alot of younger, more naive men are fed this bullshit from women or even stupider men which results in posts like OOP. It's a good reminder that the reality is nobody is coming to save them except themselves so either they fix it or get fucked.

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

Sorry that you never met someone who had true empathy and compassion for you.

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BanzaiKen@reddit

Bro, I've got a best friend that almost took a bullet for me no questions asked. You can't gauge the worth of something until you've had it worse and better.

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clotifoth@reddit

He means you told on yourself really hard lol. You come off as vile from that comment.

Even better, he thinks this means that all women have taken the mask off for all men. Your comment is now all women. Don't go mad with power.

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Ravenhayth@reddit

Bro has never had a friend he's felt comfortable around in his life

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AgainstMedicalAdvice@reddit

You're a dick.

To clarify, I don't think you're wrong at all, and probably a much healthier person to date... But you're a dick 😅

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SuspiciousRelation43@reddit

That’s fair. I honestly don’t mind being a dick, although I’m not sure if it’s beneficial in relationships specifically.

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Neil_Ribsy@reddit

Yeah, how would you be sure if you've clearly never been in one.

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DeliciousPandaburger@reddit

Oh brother, have i got news for you. While definitly not applying to all women, there is a considerable amount that are exactly as described above. And from a evolutionary standpoint and the instincts from this, it makes sense.

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macuser24@reddit

I feel like you are mixing up very different situations and, reading your later comments, I'm not sure you actually know what a. "emotional maturity" means and b. you can and should realistically expect from a working romantic relationship. I'm sorry you've been hurt, and I'm also sorry nobody was there to give you what you need or maybe even someone added insult to injury.

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StanIsHorizontal@reddit

Both examples you’re replying to are about a long term committed relationship and married… the fuck are you on about?

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DoctorNurse89@reddit

It sounds like he's stuck in the same cycle as her....

He laughs at sensitivity and then dies bt understand why she does when he's sensitive?

Patriarchy hurts everyone yo

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Delli-paper@reddit

She thinks she could do better

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JamieBeeeee@reddit

Sounds like he's the same type of person his wife is, they probably deserve each other

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proletarianliberty@reddit

So he acts like a super Macho tough guy asshole and this ATTRACTED HIS WIFE who likes the macho asshole tough guy persona. And she doesn’t like it when he breaks from this? Hmmmm big surprise. (He was masking)

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AntiProtonBoy@reddit

Why is his wife such a bitch?

Because she signed up for the macho man archetype that he was kabuki playing in front of her ever since they met. Opening up to his true persona will cause her to be completely disillusioned about who he is. So she brushes situation aside to convince herself that's not what truly he is. He is the macho man she fell in love with and nothing else will suffice.

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clotifoth@reddit

many such cases and this is worth considering

wearing a mask sucks, try to find out you're doing it so you can stop it out

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MeetN2Veg@reddit

Sounds like she married the version of him who’s an asshole. If that’s what she likes obviously she won’t be receptive to him crying. Stupid question.

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fatballs88@reddit

This was actually the point to my comment and the bitch remark at the end was sarcasm that has seriously gone unnoticed. My friend is self aware enough to know that his behaviour 99% of the time perfectly accounts for her reception of his behaviour 1% of the time.

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OlipolipHUN@reddit

I mean it sounds like they are perfect for each other.

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imanji17@reddit

Sounds more like her mindset surrounding what constitutes "masculinity" is reinforcing a mindset that he seems open to moving away from. Maybe he wants to be able to show vulnerability but is too afraid to because someone so close to him has conditioned him not to?

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SunderedValley@reddit

It's simply biology. It's not personal. Just how we've evolved.

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Cuddlyaxe@reddit

Tbh we as men need higher standards when it comes to this shit. You should have a supportive partner lol, this whole "push it down and act super macho" is toxic

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PsychoSwede557@reddit

Women acting like it’s men who are preventing each other from opening up about their emotions when it’s actually mostly them cause we know they’ll ‘get the ick’ or make fun of us because crying or opening up isn’t considered attractive in a man.

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SunderedValley@reddit

Yeah there's in fact studies showing that it's usually the moms that tell their sons to shut up.

After WW1 and 2 working conditions deteriorated massively since we never really switched back from wartime economy so a lot of "you can feel this just don't make a scene to people who don't need to see it" type education just died.

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Present_Constant_751@reddit

Yeah, I remember when my grandpa died when I was like 8, my mom told me after a phone call and I started crying and she just kept screaming "Why are you crying??" at me and telling me to stop. I remember at the funeral I was specifically trying not to cry because of the interaction, but I failed miserably and felt incredibly bad about myself. The only times you're allowed to cry to your mom as an Eastern European boy is when you've hurt yourself, only then you get sympathy. No wonder we're all alcoholics.

Meanwhile, my dad has never screamed at me or made fun of me, when he's seen me cry, even when I was older.

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periodicallyBalzed@reddit

You gotta make sure the other person in the relationship has even worse trauma.

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EatAllTheShiny@reddit

This is a pretty valuable lesson for every man.

Vulnerability is something ZERO women actually want from their men. They will meme about it, lie to you about, even lie to themselves about it, until it happens.

Do not do this.

Save it for your close male friends, and them only.

If you are man, your burden is yours alone to bear. I'm sorry that that sucks and is hard, but it's the truth. Better to bear your burden alone than to turn your relationship toxic because you showed weakness and humanity.

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Opulometicus@reddit

His trauma is he invested all of his grandmas inheritance into intel stock.

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iRedHairedShanks@reddit

lmao good reference

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BadActsForAGoodPrice@reddit

What was the refrence about

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Wenorter@reddit

https://www.reddit.com/r/wallstreetbets/s/7RWRODmC0Q

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Kirbz_-@reddit

Jesus Christ I would actually just off myself after pulling a stunt like that

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Wenorter@reddit

Not to sound harsh but natural selection is a thing after all.

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DeathSabre7@reddit

Wait for the affordable GPUs bro, those will absolutely destroy Jensen's fake frames

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Odd_Opposite_1495@reddit

wait for the overhead issues bro

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Adventurous-End-7633@reddit

His trauma is fake His girlfriend is gay Easy

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jack_not_harkness@reddit

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Darkadmks@reddit

WSB spills over

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anameorsomeshiz@reddit

I don't know who needs to hear this, but this is a good thing.

If your partner leaves you for expressing human emotions, imma tell you they exposed who they really are and you just doged a bullet. If your takeaway or lesson from this is "I'll repress my emotions like a macho man next time" or "women are all the same"☕️ then you are looking at this wrong. Find a woman who cares cuz they're out there and you deserve that. Don't put up with shit just to not be lonely or just to be in a relationship. Have standards and move on from shitty people to find yourself someone emotionally mature and willing to be there for you.

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Jackspaccatore@reddit

This is all true but the problem is that this approach takes a lot of trial and error. If you're unlucky it may take you a lot of partners to find the right one, relationships are expensive emotionally, financially (not always) and time expensive, and I can understand how many people don't want to deal with all that over and over again, not even considering the heartbreaks, and just end up settling and turning a blind eye to outrageous shit like this.

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-Crux-@reddit

There are only bullets

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SunderedValley@reddit

This except the exact opposite. You don't have infinite time and can't bet on finding the rare exception that's not grossed out by this sort of thing or you'll wind up alone.

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Marik-X-Bakura@reddit

If you really think women like that are a “rare exception” I feel really sorry for you

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metroid1310@reddit

Bitches like that make a relationship worse than being alone

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lugnuts728@reddit

Truth. I opened up to an ex about some stuff that happened to me when I was younger and things were never the same. She would use it against me at every opportunity. I didn’t realize how fucked up that was until we split up. Fortunately I have a good woman now who treats me right. Good ones are out there, guys.

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The_King_7067@reddit

You should start gambling with that luck

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lugnuts728@reddit

Just don’t give up, brother. If you really try you can find happiness,too.

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The_King_7067@reddit

Exactly

Never give up, the jackpot might just be a few spins away

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TukuMono@reddit

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AugustEpilogue@reddit

You just removed 99% of women as an option

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imanji17@reddit

talk to more women

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AugustEpilogue@reddit

Have an actual relationship

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imanji17@reddit

i do :)

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AugustEpilogue@reddit

How long

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imanji17@reddit

i don't really like to give too much personal information away on reddit, but i will say that it's been long enough that i have been openly emotional and cried with no negative response from gf. I've done the same with girlfriends in the past and also been met with sympathy and kindness.

i'm gonna assume the best and hope that you aren't trolling or rage baiting because i'm sure that lots of people who say it are, but to say that women don't respect vulnerability is just shooting yourself in the foot and crippling future relationship happiness and comfort. I make it a point to look for sympathy, understanding, and kindness in any girl I date, because yeah lots of people don't have them, but lots do.

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AugustEpilogue@reddit

I’ve literally heard this story from multiple friends and it’s happened to me as well.I’m not trolling or rage baiting. I’m talking about personal lived experiences. People think only their experience is valid these days and if someone has a different one, they’re trolling, making it up, being unfair, stereotyping.

All I can say is good luck. It takes many years sometimes for it to be thrown back in your face

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imanji17@reddit

Not saying you're being disingenuous, i just know that far too many people now are. Sorry to hear that you and your friends have had shitty experiences like that. Nobody should have to doubt their partner will be there to support them emotionally in a time of vulnerability or weakness, and I hope in the future it turns out differently for you and the people you know

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AugustEpilogue@reddit

Yeah and this happened with a woman who was super into therapy, self care, communication, expressing feelings. The same traumas I opened up to her were used against me years later to leave me. Have heard the same multiple times over

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SuckerpunchJazzhands@reddit

I get it dude, and have had the same happen to me. My first two long term relationahips were with women like this who would use therapy speak to justify abusing me physically and emotionally. It got to the point (in each) where I thought I should just kill myself because they'd never let me leave ant other way.

They'd use EVERYTHING against me. They'd pry and tell me they're "sick of men bottling things up" and "men can't communicate" and all the classic rhetoric just to throw it in my face at every opportunity. "Well, I only did (insert abuse) because you were (insert deep seated fear or trauma)."

When I finally left I was (rightfully) super fucking jaded. However, after taking some time to myself I realized that this shit can be caught earlier than you think. My fiancé genuinely loves me and I trust her completely. When we first got together it had been 2 years since I had even shed a tear, now I cry at almost everything (from joy/emotions, not because she makes me miserable haha)

I realized that people who pressure you to open up, nearly demanding that you do so, don't care about you or what you have to say. They're just interested in the drama of your life. They want a juicy story. That's why they use it against you because 1. They didn't care in the first place and 2. They know it'll hurt you.

People who truly care won't try and use therapy speak or manipulate you into sharing. It sucks because that's such a HUGE red flag but it's so easy for us to miss as dudes because of the whole "Men need to open up more" sterotype. Dudes will open up when they're ready, we just need to make sure we feel safe doing so around you.

Pressuring someone to share their insecurities, fears trauma, etc, is fucked up. Luckily, the people who do this often show it really early on and once you pick up on it you can call it out.

Sorry for the world vomit, just tryna inspire hope from the other side. Because it fucking BLOWS donkey cock sharing deeply personal stuff to the person that's supposed to be your safe place just to have them us it to exploit you.

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PM_ME_DNA@reddit

I had so in the past, trust me there are ones out there that won’t. It’s better to be single than with someone you can’t trust.

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joelingo111@reddit

The good ending

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The_King_7067@reddit

they're out there

If you can find one you might as well start gambling with that luck.

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Delli-paper@reddit

Find a woman who cares cuz they're out there and you deserve that.

The population of decent women is not sufficient

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leFay_Lover@reddit

☕🗿

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ChoiceFudge3662@reddit

No women aren’t born with the capacity for love or empathy, idk where you got that idea.

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Fear_The-Old_Blood@reddit

Dumbass take. My girlfriend has helped me through a lot of my childhood trauma and we've only gotten closer since I started opening up on my bad days.

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ChoiceFudge3662@reddit

I was being, obviously sarcastic, my good sir.

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Fear_The-Old_Blood@reddit

Your comment history of incel bullshit suggests otherwise.

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ChoiceFudge3662@reddit

Bait

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Fear_The-Old_Blood@reddit

Jesus, dude get a life.

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ChoiceFudge3662@reddit

What would be the point.

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Fear_The-Old_Blood@reddit

The point is to not waste the one life you've got festering and destroying yourself emotionally over things you can't change. I've been there, it sucks, but growing out of it is an important step in life.

Seriously, bro, you're only hurting yourself with the attitude you have. I'm not gonna pretend like there aren't shitty, manipulative women out there but pretending like all of them are out to get you because you got your feelings hurt, possibly more than once, is more of a detriment to your life and well-being than anyone being an asshole to you could be.

A good majority of people, women included, are actually pretty chill and don't go out of their way to hurt people. You just have to put in the effort to find them and if they don't want to reciprocate, that's fine; go find someone that does.

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specificalmond@reddit

Hilarious

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ChoiceFudge3662@reddit

Comedic, even.

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ChadWestPaints@reddit

gif

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ChoiceFudge3662@reddit

gif

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ruck_my_life@reddit

Fake: Anon has a girlfriend.

Gay: Anon shared his feelings.

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AugustEpilogue@reddit

Countless stories about men opening up and having it used against them later. Don’t do it

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The_King_7067@reddit

There's always gonna be people with the opposite experience not realizing they're the lucky minority.

No matter what they might tell you, don't open up to a woman. Stay safe out there bros. Your bros got your back.

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

How do you know it’s the minority?

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The_King_7067@reddit

From what people tell me

And while not the best sample and there might be confirmation bias mixed in, if you look online there seems to be a lot more negative experiences than positive. It gives a decent idea.

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

It does not! People who are in loving relationships are not the ones going online and vent. The online world is a place where negative things get amplified to the max. A woman who gets the ick, when you open up was never mentally in a place to have a real relationship in the first place. Learn how to read people and go for the ones who are genuine and share your morals and ideals.

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The_King_7067@reddit

But people in loving relationships go online to share a positive experience and/or spread hope + tell doomposters like me I'm wrong.

Now to be fair, the internet isn't the best sample (in the end, there is probably more negativity) and the few people irl that told me isn't the biggest (and thus not a very accurate sample). The best way to really know is to go out and ask a shit ton of men about their experiences and draw conclusions from there.

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

Sure, but to give you one example. I have many problems in my relationship stemming from issues on my side and her side. One problem is that i’m very avoidant in my attachment. Means i can’t show weakness, have problems to feel or understand my feelings… this is obviously not easy for my girlfriend who craves a deep emotional connection with me. As of late i dug deep, read a lot, thought a lot and were able to show a bit of neediness(for example) and it made her very happy and made our bond stronger. I just want to say in my experience the real world is so many shades of gray and no relationship is like another. But the internet pushes you to see things in black and white. And you know who only deals in absolutes.

P.s. there are some who share their happiness, but I wouldn’t believe this either. Most of the time it’s superficial and creates weird expectations. Talk to people who are 10+ years happily married, if you are looking for some good insight.

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The_King_7067@reddit

only a sith deals in absolutes

Is Obi-Wan a sith then?

Jokes aside yeah, a lot of topics require nuance. What I said is mainly applicable for playing it safe imo. (Of course, you could risk it, and maybe you're lucky, your relationship gets better etc).

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

Don’t yolo it when you open up/let people get close to you. Keep your eyes open for red flags. And talk about deep stuff, I have the feeling, many have no real understanding of there partners and what they are actually about.

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The_King_7067@reddit

Dw, I myself don't let anyone close

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

I feel you. Nonetheless, strength build on walling you in is not true strength, it’s cowardice and leads to a half life.

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The_King_7067@reddit

I don't think it's negatively affecting my life much though.

And there's always places online where you can vent and people don't know you and thus can't use it against you. (If needed)

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

I thought the same until I was forced to confront those topics. You can’t build a stable romantic relationship if you are not willing/able to open up. Maybe take a look into c.g. Jungs theory of individuation.

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The_King_7067@reddit

I ain't building romantic relationships anyway

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

What’s stopping you?

gif

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The_King_7067@reddit

Why should I?

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

If you are really happy without it and don’t crave/need it, then you shouldn’t. But for most it’s simply part of a full life.

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The_King_7067@reddit

Lemme add to my previous comment

I believe it's better not to open up to your SO but to your bros (if you can trust em that is). Reason being that there's less negative stories about it online. It's way safer to do so.

While yes, it could be true that there's more negativity online than positivity, there's less negativity to be found about opening up to your bros than to your SO. Which is why I believe it is less risky to open up to bros.

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Salaino0606@reddit

Until I know what the trauma is , I'll have to judge this greentext a waste of time.

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NOSjoker21@reddit

Anon gets TOPPED by his... expectations that his partner loves him enough to be a healthy partner to him.

Feels bad, man.

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RickThiCisbih@reddit

Notice how OP left out the childhood trauma? What he didn’t tell you was that he WAS the childhood trauma.

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KrakenCrazy@reddit

Because he's not obligated to tell us. It's a deeply personal story for him I'm sure.

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JustADelusion@reddit

You do realize Anon is short for anonymous? He has nothing to fear lol

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Cuddlyaxe@reddit

What gets me the most is that she explicitly told him she wouldn't love him less. Shits fucked lol

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SunderedValley@reddit

It's called a shit test and he failed.

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DVDPROYTP@reddit

By having trauma ?

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SunderedValley@reddit

By yapping to someone that was trying to find out if you were easily duped into yapping. 🤷🏻

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clotifoth@reddit

two years

Awful long time to wait for a "test"

Either your comment or OPs story must be fake if you could believe that

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BipolarMadness@reddit

If social media has teached us something is that there are women way far into a relationship (let alone already married) that still pull shit tests on their partner. Almost every week a shit test happens if you are with a miserable person.

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Calibrumm@reddit

10 years and my partner left over BS 🤷

people are fucking wild.

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RhoninLuter@reddit

I was definitely guilty of shit testing my ex. We were together nearly 3 years and he had his problems but, he was a good guy that cared. I shoulda told him I wasnt happy, instead of putting him through a trial every month.

Problem is what to do if they pass your test constantly but, youre still not happy? Thats the cycle, I think.

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ELITElewis123@reddit

They're just trolling; don't worry. But there ARE people who will just up and leave after a long time for basically no reason. male or female.

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MayorMcCheezz@reddit

Doesn’t every kid learn at a young age that “I’m not mad” and “you won’t get in trouble if you tell” is a massive trap.

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ExamOld2899@reddit

lol probably anon's childhood trauma

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Frequent_Beat4527@reddit

If it wasn't, it is now

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NoLuck6463@reddit

No bro it was a long term relationship and the subject was serious and everything, she's just a piece of shit

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Iron-Fist@reddit

This isn't even what shit test means...

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Ssyynnxx@reddit

If anyone prefaces something with that, or "i wont be mad if..." etc, theyre going to do that exact thing after you say your part

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convenientgods@reddit

Thinking what you said is true requires therapy lol. Unhealthy coping mechanism to trust no one cause you’ve been burned before. Gotta find a way to move on instead of sitting in the hurt bro

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Ssyynnxx@reddit

i agree. therapy's helped me a lot, i can recommend it to everyone :)

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DevilSwordVergil@reddit

Women seem to both have no control over their own emotions, nor desire to do so. Empty platitudes make them feel good, but they have no shame when they inevitably fail and let their lizard brain take over.

"I'm a smart modern woman and want to make my man feel loved, so he should open up emotionally to me. Ew, he has emotional baggage? I don't like that, he's flawed in my eyes now. I've got the ick. Time to dump him, learn nothing from this experience, and take zero responsibility for any of this."

The takeaways here are pretty bleak. Even if you directly confront a woman with this kind of hypocrisy she'll deny she'd do it herself, but then likely fall into it anyway and make no effort to resist her base emotions when it happens.

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KnowNothingKnowsAll@reddit

gif

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Iron-Fist@reddit

What gets me most is you believing that this story happened/is the full story.

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HeroinHare@reddit

One of the few times when I find a greentext believable honestly. I went through pretty much this same exact experience a few years ago.

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Mesarthim1349@reddit

Made the same mistake as well recently.

Always be prepared to have to unexpectedly ride out the storm alone, just in case.

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Latter-Junket-173@reddit

Men are not allowed to have emotions, anything else is a lie

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ForGrateJustice@reddit

We do, in our private quarters, with whisky.

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ascendant_raisins@reddit

Tequila you mean

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ForGrateJustice@reddit

Are you trying to get pregnant?

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TukuMono@reddit

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ascendant_raisins@reddit

This is why god invented lying

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yomamasokafka@reddit

I’m sorry anons. I just have never experienced this. Well that I know of. Any woman i might have turned off like this not was so early on they didn’t have time to matter. Of the five long relationships i have had including my current wife i have cried and been vulnerable and it hasn’t changed anything. Went on to have lots of good sex and relationships. Broke up for unrelated reasons without me feeling like they “lost their spark”. I guess i am in the minority but so many of these stories sound so wack i think they are made up.

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TheOneGreyWorm@reddit

Finding a gal who honestly does care about you and empathizes with you is so rare, its truly a shame.

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XPurpPupil@reddit

Never show weakness in front of women. 🦅🦅 go to an empty parking lot with a bottle of jim bean and stare off into the horizon until the sun rises like a man

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dpschainman@reddit

marry a autistic woman, I did, its great, they don't bother you with shit, its kinda like hanging out with a dude, I still had to make sure not to cry in front of her, just incase, when my mom died, that did suck.

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Worthy_Assassin@reddit

Reading this post and the comments made me realize something fascinating that I hadn’t considered before; though it might be common knowledge to some.

It's intriguing how some people, whether man or woman, lose interest or feel the 'spark' is gone in a relationship when their partner opens up emotionally. Yet, the same people will willingly be a shoulder to cry on for someone else in their life.

I find it confusing how selective empathy works for them; choosing who deserves their understanding, even among the people they are closest to.

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

It’s people who are not in love with you, but with an idea of you. Plenty of people who have almost no understanding of their inner workings and what they actually feel.

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Worthy_Assassin@reddit

Makes sense, yeah. If you're with someone because they're funny, you have to recognize that they'll have moments of vulnerability too. You can't just be turned off when they show their deeper side.

Personally, I think it's an honor when someone trusts me enough to share something personal. Humans aren't one-dimensional characters; no one can be funny all the time.

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giantspacefreighter@reddit

Patriarchy makes life shit for men as well. To enjoy the benefits of being a man you’ve gotta be this perfect caricature of yourself and both men and women unpunished men for breaking the illusion.

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MinosML@reddit

You have a point about gender roles fuckin us over but I'd advice against using the word 'Patriarchy' as its just a buzzword that doesn't represent reality by now

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giantspacefreighter@reddit

Is traditional masculinity a better term? I’m not an expert or anything and I don’t wanna feed into gender war brainrot

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SunderedValley@reddit

Bot post

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SunderedValley@reddit

Classic blunder. But now you know.

Shit like this is what male friends are for.

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Mispunctuations@reddit

Just got the ick. You're gay.

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simplymoreproficient@reddit

Who asked

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Mispunctuations@reddit

Couldn't understand sarcasm award

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simplymoreproficient@reddit

Bad at sarcasm award

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Mispunctuations@reddit

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mynamasteph@reddit

I will always upvote a soyjack, even if I disagree with the person

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TukuMono@reddit

This is a test

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Far-Scar9937@reddit

I feel for Anon, happened to me. My brother shot him self, gf at the time really asked me to share my grief. I did, she wanted so many details and I shared how much finding him had haunted me. She fucked her boss the next week, said I was emotionally crippled

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Prestigious_Win_7408@reddit

Flay her 👹👹👹

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TukuMono@reddit

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ForGrateJustice@reddit

I think, she wanted to fuck that dude anyway, some women don't need any excuse, but some want some way to justify it. They'll look at anything you did or said to do so. Garbage people.

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LiterallyAPidgeon@reddit

Brutal, sorry that happened to you dude

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YourTypicalSensei@reddit

Oh damn wtf... u good bro?

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Striking_Drink5464@reddit

I am happily married. Still I would never ever fully open. It's like the first rule in manhood.

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Dosty913@reddit

Yah I am pretty sure this is all women.. they don’t actually want to know what is going on in your head… they act like they just want to know everything about you but that is not accurate… they just want you to be randomly thinking of them when you ask and it to be positive in nature..

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

Go outside. It’s not too late.

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Dosty913@reddit

Lol, I am happily married but thanks 🙏

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p1nkfr3ud@reddit

That doesn’t sound like a happy marriage, but if it works for you.. but don’t spew your nonsense about all women are this and that. Makes you sound like someone who definitely should go outside more.

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Dosty913@reddit

Just an observation, not saying men are any better overall just different.. I am a very open minded individual but thanks for your concern 😋

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ChooChoo_Mofo@reddit

This is so true.

I was hanging out/drinking with my girlfriend of 4 years. we had an amazing relationship and were having a great time. I felt like she would do anything for me, never in my life had I felt closer to anyone.

Somehow the conversation turned to the sudden death of my sister, particularly what it was like also dealing with my dad nearly dying from the same incident. we had talked about it before, but not deeply (the incident happened years before she and I met).

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the remembrance of tragedy, maybe it was feeling heard/supported for the first time (or maybe it was all of the above), but I showed an ever so slight amount of emotion when talking about the lowest point of it all (the call from the hospital telling me my dad was about to die the day after my sister died).

It was like a switch flipped in her head. she used to be unbelievably loving and attracted to me, but after the above, it seems like the “spark” is gone for her now. we’re still together, but our relationship changed for the worse.

I wish it weren’t the case and I wish I had known it before. NEVER open up to a woman. Men are expected to be able to handle everything. if you display emotion, or that something affects you, she will think you can’t protect her or be the rock she can rely on. she will lose respect for you. your relationship will never be the same.

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Explorer_the_No-life@reddit

You need to confront her about it. It may lead to break-up, but it may also make her aware of what she does wrong. If you only try ignore it and hold resentment in yourself, then it will inevitably make your relationship a fucking nightmare. And it will end up in break-up anyway.

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ForGrateJustice@reddit

It's not his prerogative to teach a shitty person how to better themselves. Best to just cut your losses and move on, she will NOT change.

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ForGrateJustice@reddit

She is no longer in love with you. I've had an ex who pulled the same bullshit. I made the mistake of being vulnerable around her. Almost right away, her demeanor changed. It was no longer my sweet caring girl who was there for me, it was someone cold, distant, very curt and only answered in one-word sentences. Eventually she left me for some rando, and when she left, I never heard another peep. No reason given, nothing, she just faded away.

The moment you start to show cracks, some (not all thankfully) women will take it as a sign you're breaking apart, and bolt at first chance.

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Mesarthim1349@reddit

Might be best politely confront her with how you feel and that you suspect that she can't your natural human emotions, and she probably won't be happy if she doesn't learn how to do this in the future.

But this talk might be better if you're willing to end it in the same convo.

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shotguntuck@reddit

Leave her bro

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ForGrateJustice@reddit

Some people are just fucked up in the head. I've personally experienced women like this. It would be nice if they let you know ahead of time that they are cunts. But no, always finding out once you've dove deep in head first.

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downvotedforwoman@reddit

Misogyny vindicated once again.

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Key-Cheek-3121@reddit (OP)

how it is misogyny ?

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The_King_7067@reddit

He's saying misogyny is justified once more (after reading what happened in the greentext)

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Key-Cheek-3121@reddit (OP)

how it's justified it ? if each time someone do something bad we say all people like them are bad is the people who think like that who are the problem not the people who report that it happen

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The_King_7067@reddit

He's memeing, look at his username.

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Key-Cheek-3121@reddit (OP)

thanks i didn't see it

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oneeeeno@reddit

Unfortunately true. Don’t show your girl your weaknesses. I had a wonderful girlfriend. Really is a good woman and we are still friends. I had rough times emotionally and shared everything with her. She didn’t leave me but she wasn’t very supportive and wasn’t attracted to me after that. Needless to say the relationship didn’t last long after that.

Talk to a good friend or a therapist. Not to the woman you’re having sex with.

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RhoninLuter@reddit

Ive had a sinilar experience and it irrevocably damages your ability to trust. I know this is just the racist app but, if anyone is struggling through this, just know you matter.

Like, maybe not a huge amount, but I promise youve got something to say that someone would be thrilled to hear. Happiness in a relationship must come from happiness from within.

The foundation of a worthwhile partnership is trust in oneself. To accept and love yourself, at all times, especially when its hard is the only true way to build a relationship with legs.

Else its the most disappointing, fragile shit. Love yourself in the ways you hope someone would love you, else theyre much, much less likely to.

Good luck fellas. Im pretty baked so if anyone wants to trauma dump on me my DMs will be open for like, a 24 hour window. When im no longer high and unwilling to listen to your BS ill stop tho, im no saint.

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BBQWingman89@reddit

Jesus Christ was OP a fucking mass shooter and rape survivor or something?

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AwiiWasTakenWasTaken@reddit

i don’t want this to be real and straight

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mehrotr@reddit

Maybe I should open up about my past trauma so my partner leaves me. Take the rugrats too. Now that would be something. Prolly gouge me before she goes but might be worth the price.

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BanzaiKen@reddit

Everyone gangsta till the divorce attorney is on the phone.

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mehrotr@reddit

She got more money. I think I might be ok.

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Psykopatate@reddit

His trauma is that he commited war crimes 10 years ago. his gf is right to leave.

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funatical@reddit

That’ll happen. Lesson learned.

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foxferreira64@reddit

NEVER open up that deeply to anyone. No matter how much you love them. I'm certainly never EVER 100% opening up to a significant other, and I don't expect them to open that much up either.

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Negatrev@reddit

It might not seem like it, but OP did the right thing and should do so again. That something happened to you (not even something you did) can make them not love you, mean they didn't really love you in the first place. Nobody wants a fairweather partner. You need them to be relied on for the hard moments. It sounds like she could rely on you, but not vice versa.

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Darkadmks@reddit

Green text or not, this shit is true.

Stay strong fellas.

Talk to your bros or a therapist

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srtpg2@reddit

Male or female therapist?

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Fancy_Chipmunk@reddit

Doesn't matter, your preference. Just make sure it's a good therapist

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Shroom-TheSelfAware@reddit

Male

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Darkadmks@reddit

lol your preference

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PranksterLe1@reddit

Anon fails to mention he was masterbating and finished in those first 3 minutes.

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PranksterLe1@reddit

lol bunch of incels round here

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ionevenobro@reddit

many such cases

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Explorer_the_No-life@reddit

Anon tried to show his vulnerability to other person. What a fool!

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Alkeryn@reddit

i feel like the issue isn't just opening up, my gf knows all about my traumatic childhood and we are still together after 3+ years.

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iwantaircarftjob@reddit

Frality is the name of the women

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Superkritisk@reddit

Never ever open up to a woman you want to have sex with.

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eveningfellow056@reddit

My friend whose gf says she loves him a lot(more than he does), fought with him always made him feel bad (that he doesn't do much for her) even when bro was struggling with tuberculosis and was barely able to talk he calmed her down and helped her get through her regular panic attacks, And when he needed help or just asked for some time she just said that it's not big of a deal and made a fuss about it

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eveningfellow056@reddit

Also she always tries to repeat the rhetoric that my friend is unfaithful and looks at other girls even though bro never even had a female friend (I've known him since childhood)

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JeremeRW@reddit

He never did hamster style again. That is how it went down.

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Level_Solid_8501@reddit

Generally speaking, my wife is an amazing person, and I can open up to her about trauma, but what I definitely cannot open up about is current worried/problems around the house because she ends up worrying 10x more than I do.

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n0x630@reddit

It sounds a bit incely but I've learned regardless of what any woman tells you, if you ever break down and cry in front of them they will lose all respect for you

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chillanous@reddit

Many such cases

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Honestonus@reddit

Somebody help me concoct a fact/gay for this please

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dirschau@reddit

Fake: anon has a girlfriend, obviously

Gay: anon's trauma is getting topped in juvie for setting kittens on fire

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Yeseylon@reddit

Fake: anon had a "girlfriend" (got left by his anime sex doll)

Gay: anon got topped by his uncle

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darkcomet222@reddit

Fact: this actually happened

Gay: anon decided being gay is better than being with that bitch.

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Mispunctuations@reddit

There is none, it's real

Speaking from experience

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booyaabooshaw@reddit

That's why I always pick girls with more baggage than myself. Let's unpack together babe

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Reading_username@reddit

Obligatory ☕

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ykzdropdead@reddit

Im out of the loop. Every time red plll or incel content is posted, people put this black coffee emoji on the comments. What does it mean exactly?

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Vovandlo@reddit

This is the context

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superiorplaps@reddit

☕

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Lecteur_K7@reddit

☕

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neverlandwaffle@reddit

Women are evil

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NoscoperSans@reddit

fuck, with every 4chan relationship post i love my gf more and more how she isn’t fucked up like that:/ like if we talk about traumas, she and i both know all of each other traumas, she knows one that i only opened up about to 3 people(she and my 2 closest friends that i know for a looong time), i know one that she only opened up to me. like, we literally cried together on our traumas BEFORE we were in a relationship, just sat near a supermarket and criend in the middle of the night

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hazzmg@reddit

Wait until u have a huge argument and they use those painful moments as ammo for the fight

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ktsb@reddit

It's like how the prequels ruined the mystery of darth vader. Being mysterious is a turn on. That scar on your arm or back could have been from a crazy accident or a fight or you slipped on some lube while fucking your ass and hit the sink in a weird angle. Serve you right for sharing and had she stayed she woulda just used it as ammunition during a petty argument anyways.

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