I went to an all girls catholic school. And I'm queer. It was not great for me because I was autistic/adhd and I got bullied in the way girls do. I was iced out by most girls and not spoken to. Or they'd have conversations about other girls with me in the room like I wasn't there. I often got treated to and addressed like a child even by 'nicer' girls who were well-meaning. I was stunned when I met one of the girls who ignored me and said 'it was lovely to see you'.....and I'm thinking wtf you talking about we were never friends. It was not a good enviroment for me. But there was a lot going on in my home life so I felt like school wasn't a safe space. To this day in my 30s a group of teenagers makes me anxious. A pretty girl aged about 14-18 can make me feel really uncomfortable and I wondered wtf was wrong with me. I've got C-PTSD so its disccoiative structual feelings. I was chatting to a girl in a shop and she's about 16-18 I'd guess. She's a typical teenager. She's sarcastic. And she *scares* me. Not as in I actually think she'll cause me harm but her very existence, she looks like the girls who bullied me. She's coventially attraccted. I said something stupid and started *blushing* because i'm thinking.....oh god I want this 16 year old to approve of me and think I'm cool.....in my 30s! I meet people who are aged 18 and I think well there's a child. But I still find teenagers especially teenage girls can make me feel instantly feel awkward or uncomfortable. Like 13-16 year old girls. Including large gaggles of girls. If they sit on a bus next me I am really uncomfortable. They're not doing anything wrong but it brings back bad feelings instantly. I avoid large crowds of teenagers. I didn't like being a teenager when I was one. Teenagers make me feel anxious especially in large gaggles. I am *intimidiated*. It feels nuts because i'm significiantly older than them but I find I get uncomfortable with them. I met an 18 year old recently who I assumed was 22 because of how they spoke me, discovered they went to sixth form and my brain said 'child'. I am not going to tell her she's a child because that's patronising as hell. I also thought that about someone I met whose in his 20s and again he's not a child. But I have a lot of 'protectiveness' towards younger people that comes from my own emotional parentification. I like to befriend younger people and find myself acting younger with them. But I am very much aware that I don't always have the best boundaries and I've fucked up with people before. I went through something horrible recently and I worry I uninteiontally traumatised a 21 year old volunteer I work with by being traumatised myself. After I showed up at volunteer work in an absolute state they vanished. Which made everything worse becaues I was left to do work on my own and I am struggling. I won't try to reach out to them or apologise. I don't know what they're thinking or feeling. It saddens me because I liked them a lot but I realise I don't get to control them and I won't try to. I have been through many situations of being taken advantage of because I was younger/naive so.......I am very concerned about how age gaps work. I breifly dated someone who was 22 when I was 27/28 and I was absolutely worried I was taking advantage of them. they assured me and said.....nope I was having a great time shut up.