Why do fathers leave their children?

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AssociationSea4786@reddit

Because the court system is biased against us, there's literally dads who have been fighting for 3 to 4 years and have a 100K worth attorney bills for nothing, not to mention once you're on child support you literally cannot afford to pay your attorney and pay child support and at any time for any reason if you fall behind on child support mom can go to court use every lie under the Sun and get your ass thrown in jail

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AssociationSea4786@reddit

Because they're usually litigated out of their child's life by the mother, a man literally cannot pay child support and his attorney once he's on child support, the more he makes the more they take and once he falls behind best believe that his child's mother will go to court and ask to have him thrown in jail for falling behind

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-cunningstunt@reddit

My husbands father abandoned him and his 2 sisters after he divorced their mother. He wasn’t that involved as a father anyway, and rarely visited. Then he had 3 more children, who he doted on, and completely forgot about his older three. Some men are just scum.

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VileyRubes@reddit

That's the same as my bio dad. My half-sibling has been brought up like royalty. I don't have it in me to forgive him if he ever returned.

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-cunningstunt@reddit

Neither does my husband. I’m really sorry to hear that you went through that too.

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VileyRubes@reddit

Thank you. I hate it when people believe that everyone deserves a second chance. Some bridges are irreparable. He knew where I lived, he had my mother's contact details yet totally ignored my existence. I shockingly found out that my half-sibling didn't know I existed for over 20 years. I hope your husband has healed.

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Kitchen_Owl_8518@reddit

Would you rather an absent Father who wasn't around - but you knew that he didn't give a toss by his absence? Or a Father who stuck around out of pressure to do so and treated you like dogshit your entire life because he didn't want to stick around?

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CoffeeIgnoramus@reddit

But... are those **really** the only option? Or is that For example, surely a father that steps up even if it's not ideal for them is another option.

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Kitchen_Owl_8518@reddit

The initial question always reminds me of my comment. My daughter's mum grew up with an absent Dad who by his lack of participation in her life made it clear he didn't give a toss. A lot of my friends growing up had Fathers who were there but didn't want to be and thus took that out on their children for them being trapped. They are both extreme opposites. The normal middle option was having a Dad that wanted to be there and was doing his best (my Dad for instance).

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Never_trust_dolphins@reddit

I mean, if I got someone pregnant and they wanted to keep it i'd probably just hang myself, so that's an option I guess

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Thesunismexico@reddit

That escalated quickly!

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CoffeeIgnoramus@reddit

Not what I was going for... but yes.

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Ok_Shirt983@reddit

Found the single father!

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XStaticImmaculate@reddit

I’ve noticed in conversations with men that they had very different expectations of what parenthood would be - it’s not all fun and games, it’s exhausting, demanding of your time, sleep health, emotions and the majority of the time it’s utterly thankless. Of course, most parents (of any sex) will have thought this at least once. But I’ve found that men are less prepared, or less understanding of the commitment parenting is. I think that fatherhood is often “marketed” to men as fun - rather than the “fulfilling” angle marketed to women. It’s not just this of course - there will be many valid reasons given in this thread, but this is something I’ve noticed in my family and social circles.

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bluejackmovedagain@reddit

When you start to ask questions of divorced men with 'a horrible ex-wife who won't let me see my kids', the situation is very often 'an ex-wife who wouldn't agree to do all the actual parenting'. 8/10 what these men wanted was to pick their kids up every Saturday at 10am, with their ex having bathed the kids the night before, and packed an overnight bag, (including toothbrushes and toothpaste) and a day bag with snacks and lunch, take the kids bowling or something similar, go back to his house, watch TV, eat takeaway pizza and a load of sweets, go to bed late, go to McDonald's for breakfast, then take the kids back to his ex about 3pm when they're overtired and hungry, leaving his ex with a bag of dirty washing and wondering how they're going to make the kids get any homework done.

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New_Expectations5808@reddit

Don't like em

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ItsDominare@reddit

Men don't abandon their kids, only boys do.

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EdmundTheInsulter@reddit

Maybe they didn't want children. I can't say because I put up with all sorts to stay with mine.

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Round_Caregiver2380@reddit

They leave because life with the mother is miserable and unbearable thinking they'll have close to 50/50 access. Mum refuses access and shit talks the kids until they refuse to be near him then use that in the courts to get full access. I've seen that happen many many times. I was lucky as my kids decided on day one to live with me when I got divorced. I get on great with their mother and we have zero issues.

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aqueousdan@reddit

Maybe the relationship with the mother wasn’t amazing in the first place. Add a baby into that mix and it’ll turn from mediocre to literal hellscape.

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1968Bladerunner@reddit

The relationship between partners doesn't define the relationship between parents and child/ren though. Partners can split & both still be fully involved in their child's/children's life/lives - IF THEY CHOOSE TO BE. It's what I chose, & ended up having to fight for when my ex decided to try for full custody. Thankfully it never happened, but it dragged a simple 18 month divorce out to 5 years!

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MunkeeseeMonkeydoo@reddit

Some leave because they are told to or forced to.

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MunkeeseeMonkeydoo@reddit

Why all the down votes, it is a fact. 😂

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andytimms67@reddit

Because mothers (on the whole) keep the kids.

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MunkeeseeMonkeydoo@reddit

It is a lot more common now than it used to be for fathers to be the ones looking after the kids. Still more common for the mum to have them but there is definitely a shift.

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andytimms67@reddit

I’m certainly seeing it more but from the colleagues I have at work separated with their partners they don’t leave the kids because they want to. They leave the kids because they can’t spend any more time with their partner. As usual, it’s very rarely one person’s fault, but it’s the kids that always suffer.

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one_pump_chimp@reddit

Not having custody isn't the same as leaving the kids life. Plenty of divorced fathers still are there for their kids

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andytimms67@reddit

Scenario - family member, wife left him. Moved away 300 miles away to shack up with a postman she met on the internet. Custody not even discussed. She just disappeared and when he came back from work, she and the 4 kids were gone. He had a nervous breakdown. Nearly committed Mental health spiralled Got cancer Recovered Got a second cancer Semi recovered He’s not been in the kids lives for 2 decades now. Actual scenario - your thoughts.

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Ok_Young1709@reddit

Because they aren't men or adults, they are just mentally little boys pretending. They are cowards, usually stupid, and lacking in humanity. What I don't get either is the women that then choose a man like this to have kids with. Yeah the first one didn't know, but the second/third/fourth etc do. They know he abandoned his kids. Why would you choose someone like that to be your kids father? Men like that repel me instantly, not attractive at all, so I don't get why they would be attractive to others. I don't know how you could fall for the lies from them, it's so obvious they are lying about the reasons they aren't a father.

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dbxp@reddit

Sometimes the kids aren't really planned they're just what you do after being together for x years or in some cases are even used to try to rescue a relationship

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Equivalent_Ask_1416@reddit (OP)

Maybe these women fall for unreliable men because they have a lot of unreliable people in their own lives, and their pasts may be filled with unreliability-and maybe they too are unreliable.

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Ok_Young1709@reddit

Possibly but then complaining the men are unreliable? They knew that beforehand, you can't change a person.

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kwaklog@reddit

Parenting is hard, extremely hard. You don't have to be a 'deadbeat' to snap under the pressure There are very unpleasant elements of parenting even if your kid is 'perfect'. If you have a month of reflux I can see the sleep deprivation and pressure breaking people, especially with the knowledge that this is going to last years

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Harrry-Otter@reddit

I’d imagine some of them have unrealistic expectations of what being a father is actually like, and once faced with the reality, feel like the can’t do it and run. There’s probably also a few who never really wanted to be fathers in the first place, but did it to either make a partner happy or accidentally.

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dingo_deano@reddit

Me and my ex separated almost 12 years ago. We had two kids and they were both very young. The kids are in their teens now. I never left them and have been constantly there 3/4 days a week and every other weekend and anytime extra.

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one_pump_chimp@reddit

You haven't left your children. You aren't the human garbage that the question is about

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FloydEGag@reddit

I’ve known a couple of men in my extended family who basically couldn’t handle not being at the centre of things any more. Suddenly all their partner’s attention is on the baby, as it has to be really, and they don’t like it. I guess it’s a lack of maturity.

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cosmicspaceowl@reddit

I had a friend at school whose dad did this, then actually had the audacity to write to her out of the blue and tell her that's why he'd been absent from her life for 16 years and he was sure she'd understand how hard it had been for HIM. He wasn't young and she wasn't his first child, and her mum had been very unwell in hospital after the birth. Lack of self awareness is definitely up there with lack of maturity.

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lookhereisay@reddit

I had a friend at school who’s dad had left because one her older brother had been diagnosed with severe autism (as in never being able to live alone). Another kid had their dad leave when a younger sibling developed childhood cancer. Both declared it was too much and promptly left. That second dad was bemused that none of his kids wanted a relationship once the sibling beat cancer.

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Silly_Somewhere_4084@reddit

Friend was a victim of reproductive coercion. He never wanted kids due to mental illness and not having the ability to provide. The mother told him she was infertile and not to use condoms. He stupidly believed her. She announced her pregnancy just as he was moving to another part of the country. He tried to maintain contact but the mother wasn't interested in cooperation once she got his dna. Very sad situation.

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Emergency-Theme6843@reddit

I think a lot of absent fathers are probably selfish and have a victim mentality.

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Firesequence@reddit

The Mother or the Mothers family

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