ULPT need a Christmas present for my narcissistic sister
Posted by mbots99@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 62 comments
It’s the type of situation where there’s going to be more blowback if I don’t get them a gift. She likes cosmetology related things as well as driving drunk and assaulting people.
Fun-Possibility-2027@reddit
Give her several gift cards but don't put any money on them. Just write a big monetary amounts on the cards. Enjoy it when she goes to use the cards and embarrasse herself at checkout. I have a horrible sister too btw
Krunk_korean_kid@reddit
Everclear or moonshine
Ailys01@reddit
Transfer some liquid ass into a nice perfume bottle so that it looks nice when she's opening it but smells like literal ass when she decides to spray it to test it.
ByteDonuts@reddit
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Breathalyzer
Shell-Fire@reddit
OMG! The one that installs in the car and won't start if you blow to high.
Different-Phone-7654@reddit
If she has a kid, and you want to SPEND money.. Get her kid one of those 7ft Costco bears shipped to her house.
ShoutReachThrow@reddit
Or an obnoxiously loud toy, like the screaming chicken from Moana…
Or a plastic trumpet/vuvuzela
Or a drum kit…
You get the idea…
Kid will love it… parents suffer for it, and if thr parents get rid of it, their parents are the villain…
Secret-Tackle8040@reddit
Donate to MAAD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) in her name and give her the certificate christmas morning. She gets no gift and backhanded public shaming while you get the unassailable moral high ground.
tidder_mac@reddit
I used to hate the “gifted a goat” gift as a kid. Idk my grandparents actually thought I’d like it, or maybe it their way of implying I was materialistic? I think it’s cool now, but damn I hated that shit back in the day.
Perfect for your sister!
MADD is hilarious, but too obvious if worrying about pissing off the parents. Same idea though - gift something to someone else in her name.
Far-Cup9063@reddit
Best answer!
melli72@reddit
So many ideas! - A known re-gift - If she likes silver or gold get the opposite at one of the big box stores, something gaudy - A leftover gift card - A therapy workbook for caring about others - Beauty gift basket: A clinical body wash for bacteria, foot fungus cream, body powder, St Ives apricot scrub, one of those feet cheese graters, vagisil, some hangover cure - Uber gift card or public transit card - mocktail cookbook - "Live Laugh Love" wall art - inward facing dash cam - the aa book - chicken soup for the soul for alcoholics - workout clothes that are 3 sizes bigger
Lil_troublemaker_@reddit
I can't decide which would be more annoying to a narcissist, getting them workout clothes that are a couple sizes too small so they feel bad when they try it on, or giving ones that are too large so they think that everyone else thinks they are bigger. Both are mean but idk. I guess it would depend on the person. Great ideas! Very petty
gabmonty@reddit
A cute workout set that’s too small for her. Or $20 of beauty related stuff from a really cheap store like dollar tree or big lots.
Crafty_Today8636@reddit
You could get a set that’s too small for her but sew on tags that say a size bigger than what she normally wears.
blaspheminCapn@reddit
Elf
horsetooth_mcgee@reddit
They make t-shirts with the slogan "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME"
New-Geezer@reddit
She would probably really like this…
OblongGoblong@reddit
Perfume that smells like ass
JohnLef@reddit
A case of non-alcoholic wine, then add customised labels with her mugshot on and a supportive message like "Try not to kill a child this Christmas"
Eastern-Astronomer-6@reddit
A mirror, but one that SLIGHTLY alters her appearance (think very subtle funhouse mirror).
Kath_DayKnight@reddit
Ooo boy there would be such a huge market for this if they exist 🤣
willcard@reddit
They do. It’s a makeup mirror. Usually it can be flipped and one side is 1x and the other 10x. I have one and can 100 percent confirm when you see your disgusting, oily, big ass pore having, every imperfection shown face in 10x view it is definitely not an enjoyable experience lmfao
somedaze87@reddit
Get one of the mirrors that magnifies like 10x. Nobody feels good after being able to look into their pores like that.
bananna_pudding@reddit
This is the best response. 😂 Plus, it’s a normal enough gift that won’t make her suspicious; however, it’ll offer years of torture.
Ok_Knee1216@reddit
How about making a Family Bingo type game. Fill out the squares.
Back in Jail. DUI. Birthday BigDrama. Little Drama. BailMoney etc.
First one to call Bingo gets Dinner for 2.
PigletHeavy9419@reddit
There's a fucking devil in you.
PriscillaPresley@reddit
Just go full Roseart on her Christmas. Like, get her make up but from five below or temu and put it in a pretty box from dollar general. You don’t just want to get her a bad gift, you want to get a bad gift she can’t complain about without looking bad.
Key-Candle8141@reddit
Or return for anything better 😄
dcidino@reddit
Make sure it contains lead. :)
CarrotofInsanity@reddit
Does she have an actual mugshot?
Get her mugshot put on a MUG!
Key-Candle8141@reddit
Mug mouse pad tshirt etc
dcidino@reddit
This is the ultimate.
Wooden_Use_7165@reddit
OMG THIS !!!!
mrssymes@reddit
Get her one of those books with 1000 questions about yourself. She will love it and you can snicker about how she loves the narcissistic gift and maybe it will help her be more self reflective.
BeautifulArtichoke37@reddit
There’s a book like that called “All About Me”.
Significant-Win-4405@reddit
a single piece of charcoal, she not even worth the real lump of coal
spazthejam43@reddit
Generic beauty gift basket filled with low quality beauty products
marriedwithchickens@reddit
Breathalyzer to keep in her purse.
SoliloquyBlue@reddit
"Uguisu no fun". It's an ancient beauty secret!
(I think we have the same sister! Well, except for the drunk driving part. Mine is far too special to drive and would rather wreck other people's cars than learn.)
walkawaysux@reddit
How about a book? Makeup for Stupid people.
peteofaustralia@reddit
Any of the "...for Dummies" books.
sockmono@reddit
“Driving for Dummies”
emzirek@reddit
A warrant for her arrest for drunk driving or driving under the influence or any type of warrant for her arrest she's going to kill somebody
mbots99@reddit (OP)
Unfortunately she got charged for both and got away with one year probation. Her probation ended yesterday :|
emzirek@reddit
It's time for a re-up ..
_____c4@reddit
Get her an AA book and coin
Kath_DayKnight@reddit
So I once snuck a pen from a gambling help agency into my brother's present once because I knew he was low-key struggling with that. And my mother had to dive in there, grab the pen and wave it around everywhere so I looked like a dickhead outing my brother's problems to the family 😑
This is one of those memories that enters my head while I'm trying to sleep and makes me cringe just as much as when it happened
Lava_47@reddit
If your mother didn't wave it around it wouldn't have been a big deal. Her fault. Sleep well
Smolshy@reddit
Mentioned this on another post - nose hair trimmer
Kath_DayKnight@reddit
YES or like those little facial wax strips
Designer-Swan-3687@reddit
Does she have a mugshot? Get it printed on a cup for her
Jesus_peed_n_my_butt@reddit
Is she a coffee/starbucks snob? Get her a collection of gourmet coffees.
She'll get hooked on her favorite and end up spending a lot more money on coffee than she ever wanted to.
You'll be giving her a costly addiction.
LiamBellcam@reddit
Russian Nesting Dolls since she is full of herself
Fit-Elderberry5510@reddit
Gift card to local adult store. Subtle way of saying go f yourself
Mr_Gaslight@reddit
A mirror.
Kramdawgers@reddit
Roses by OutKast single.
J3t5et@reddit
Buy her a little mirror so she can look at herself to take a bump to “sober up” before she drives drunk
therealdildoexpert@reddit
If she has any sort of criminal record, print out a page and get a T-shirt with it displayed on there.
Gift it to yourself and label the present from Santa.
Wear it the rest of the night.
Then her gift is a donation to an organization in her name. Preferably the donation is for victims of DUI.
Far-Cup9063@reddit
Self-improvement book
Snoo_85901@reddit
I can feel the emotions of the op from reading this. Get her a years membership to the jellybean club
yomammaaaaa@reddit
Get her a new lip gloss/lip balm squeeze tube that is actually super glue with a new label on it. The fancier label, the better. She'll think you went super spendy on her and be so happy/surprised/think she's totally worth it that she'll apply it right away.
Or a new cushion eyeshadow/blush that is actually permanent ink.
psypiral@reddit
get her a picture of the hubble deep field where every dot of light is another galaxy. sign it: this is how insignificant you really are.