ULPT my brother is sending my whole family into debt… how do i get out of here?

Posted by Head_Rest_623@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 81 comments

my brother (under 18 but well aware of what he’s doing) got his license and was gifted a car in june this year, my family payed for his insurance/ gas as some of us need rides sometimes and we appreciate him doing so, he got a job in august and has started working but since then finds a way to get out of shifts all the time and comes home “ill” often aswell meaning he doesn’t have enough money for gas/ insurance.

now here’s the tricky part, my parents each gave him their credit cards not knowing the other had (we all live together 5ppl 3rooms cheque to cheque and struggling) because we need to be able to use the car if needed, he has now in the last month and a half racked up around 5k in debt on both cards aswell as the 500(ish) he owes me which he has already said he won’t pay back.

my mom/ grandma won’t kick him out or take any repercussions so i’m stuck fronting the rent no one can now afford and have absolutely no option to move out due to having to help pay the rent recently and not having a car/money for one (once again savings was used covering rent) i don’t know what to do anymore.

i don’t care if it’s unethical how can i make money/also hide it from my family so i can leave. how can i seriously stop my brothers habit and make him realize he’s going to end us up homeless as my parents don’t care to stop it

[-]

WatchingTellyNow@reddit

Steal both cards and cut them up. Get parents to change the numbers and not let him have access because irresponsible.

And piss disks, of course, given what sub we're in.

[-]

Unsungh3ro_88@reddit

Piss disks? 😂😂😂

[-]

Hot-Sandwich7060@reddit

Yea, you freeze piss on a plate. You can place it anywhere, quickly, and in a bit of time, there's a puddle of piss left behind.

[-]

Unsungh3ro_88@reddit

Amazing. May try that with the wife lol

[-]

Garvain@reddit

PLEASE don't try to freeze your wife, on a plate or otherwise!

[-]

Unsungh3ro_88@reddit

Instructions unclear! Now the wife is in the freezer. Send help

[-]

twistedbrewmejunk@reddit

Santa is that you?

[-]

Unsungh3ro_88@reddit

Piss disks for all. Ho ho ho

[-]

chezeluvr@reddit

You're supposed to use it on an enemy technically, but you do bro lol

[-]

BreadstickUpTheBum@reddit

“Honey I’m feeling pretty sore after our rough lovemaking. Can you fetch me an icepack?”

“Of course. Anything for you.”

[-]

MajorAcer@reddit

LMFAO

[-]

bobby5557@reddit

Let him cook

[-]

OmnivorLately@reddit

👏 busted out laughing at “let him cook”

[-]

Hypnotizeeeee@reddit

Fucking same

[-]

chezeluvr@reddit

I ain't judging, just trying to point king in the right direction

[-]

Relative_Builder3695@reddit

She’ll get half the piss disks in the divorce

[-]

broke_chef_roy@reddit

Whaaaaaat... update us bruh... after the fact... really wanna know how that goes... 🤔

I am evil 😈 😢

[-]

TolMera@reddit

r/IDontWantToThinkAboutThat

[-]

yourgrandmasgrandma@reddit

You’ve got a lot to learn about this sub, u/TolMera !

[-]

Tao-of-Mars@reddit

For easy transportation, freeze it in a plastic bag, while resting on the plate in freezer.

[-]

2001_TheSweep@reddit

Piss disk is too nice for this. He deserves the poop version

[-]

monkeywelder@reddit

bag him up and throw him in the hold of whaling vessel leaving Nantucket in the morning.. When he wakes up they will treat him as a stowaway and he will have to work his way until they can return in 8 months.

Thatll teach the Dandy Lad what not.

[-]

ausername111111@reddit

Your parents are grown adults. Tell them what is going on with the cards and if they don't want to stop it, fine. Save whatever money you can and move out. Don't pay the rent anymore, other than maybe 1/5 of it. Save the rest and get out of there. Your brother is 18 and abusing people for his own gain, it doesn't matter if he reaps what he sews. You sound like you live in conditions that will ensure you will never go anywhere. Move to a city with a functional bus system or get a bike and a job close to home and ride your bike. Get a room-mate, or two and split the rent if you know anyone. Otherwise move into a dump and work your way up from there. Most of us have been there and dug ourselves out, you can too. Either way, you should be more concerned for your future than the adults around you who aren't taking steps to protect themselves. It seems like you care more about them than they do.

[-]

Ok_Perception1131@reddit

Stop paying the rent. Let them deal with the consequences.

Meantime, volunteer to be in a medical study for money.

[-]

Head_Rest_623@reddit (OP)

thank you for the med study idea, i need money/ a place to go before i do as i will be booted out very quickly unfortunately shelters aren’t an option as we don’t have one in my town and the two in the closest towns have been full for months but i will work on that in the mean time! do you have any recommendations on how to find medical study’s? i live in canada if that helps

[-]

CttCJim@reddit

Selling plasma is a good option too

[-]

soggyGreyDuck@reddit

Yeah it takes months to be evicted (typically) and if you can save everything would it be enough for a down payment/deposit. Usually 1st and last months rent so double rent the first month but you'll get it back if you don't damage anything. It's way way cheaper to find a roommate you can do this with or even better for your situation a room to rent from someone. Check online because that's probably the cheapest way to get out ASAP and you might even find someone who understands your situation and can figure something out for the finances

[-]

nevernotfinished@reddit

Donate blood plasma for the ethical response they'll pay you for it

I hear there's a need for street pharmaceuticals since this is unethical life choices

[-]

SovietChewbacca@reddit

Donate plasma there are places all over. Look at multiple chains, they often are running different promotions, or ways to earn more. It's less risky than medical experiments.

[-]

Thatguy468@reddit

Bonus points if it’s a sleep study as you’ll then have a warm bed at a facility for at least the duration of the test.

[-]

UsernameStolenbyyou@reddit

My best clinical study was for restless legs. They gave me a drug patch and I had to sit on the bed and do absolutely nothing for an hour at a time so they could test the results. I didn't know if I got a place on or the drug. Got paid $900 for three hours of doing nothing plus an hour of break?

[-]

Theycallmeahmed_@reddit

If you can afford to pay rent for the whole family now, wouldn't yibe able to afford rent for just yourself?

[-]

Head_Rest_623@reddit (OP)

living cheque to cheque while doing this means i have no money for a damage deposit or first months rent and no chance to save as i’m expected to pay biweekly (as often as i get payed) and would be kicked out that week if i didn’t pay

[-]

OblongGoblong@reddit

Stop setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. You have a right to live and enjoy life. I hope you can get free.

[-]

brookiieebabyyy@reddit

God I love that saying, “Stop setting yourself on fire to keep them warm.” Never heard it before. Super powerful. Thank you.

[-]

somethingclever76@reddit

Are you under or over 18? State?

Under 18 and / or still in high school, most states require by law that your parents are responsible for your welfare, as in, it would be illegal for them to kick you out of the house.

Over 18, it is highly likely that you are considered a month to month tenant, even if you don't have a written lease. The owners or lessees of the property, most likely your parents, would have to follow the legal requirements for ending your tenancy for the property. You can find these with a simple Google search. There might be a slight change to most normal guides you will find as you live with them versus a separate dwelling. Don't let them get all the way to eviction though as having that on your record will make future renting difficult. All of this can buy you a lot of time to save up. Also, if they were to suddenly change the locks or deprive you of your or the property that is an illegal eviction and can be a whole nother mess for your parnets.

Either way, do some research and good luck

[-]

the_honest_liar@reddit

Contact the welfare department in whatever city you're in. They've likely got some resources/programs to help you.

[-]

llordlloyd@reddit

Cut the "we". Your family will destroy you.

Stop paying and you'll gather the money to move out.

[-]

Ok_Perception1131@reddit

I googled “paid medical study Canada” and tons of resources came up.

[-]

No_Construction_7518@reddit

Stop paying the rent and never keep money in the house. Keep any credit or any debt cards on your personal at all times, even when in the bathroom. If you're still a student speak with your school counselor, they may be able to help you find some financial supports. Good luck. Sorry you have to deal with this shit.

[-]

SixtyTwoNorth@reddit

The actual unethical tip here is for you to steal both the credit cards and take as much of a cash advance out as you can with them (or buy high value items and resell discreetly). Make sure the cards are found to be back in your brother's posession so that he is held responsible, and then use the cash to GTFO.

[-]

DifficultHat@reddit

Saving money in cash in a safe deposit box is always safe from family or anyone else

[-]

thorly824@reddit

Your situation sounds incredibly challenging and stressful. My go to option you might consider to address the issues with your brother and your family's financial situation:

Set Boundaries: It's crucial to establish clear boundaries regarding financial support. You might need to have a candid conversation with your family about the impact of your brother's spending habits. Explain how it affects everyone and why it's important to change this dynamic.

At this point if you can explain to your brother what you consider as boundaries. I find it best to write a copy of the boundaries. This helps maintain your sanity.

[-]

MarvinHeemeyersTank@reddit

Get out, ASAFP! Doesn't matter how, just get out. Do you have any friends that would let you couch surf for a month? Tell them that's all you need to get some money saved up. If they are a really good friend, maybe you can get away with staying two months. If not, find another friend and repeat.

Most churches are also shelters. Go to one, tell them you are homeless and need two months to save money. Do small jobs at the church to help out.

Maybe just to be safe, close your account at your bank and open a new one with them. Give them a very brief explanation.

"For security reasons..." "I think my account has been compromised..."

WHEN...you get out, do not look back! If you can, try to bring your mom and grandmother also, but only under strict conditions (brother is absolutely NOT allowed in your place, etc).

Good luck.

[-]

TolMera@reddit

THERMONUCLEAR METHOD: do not do this unless desperate

Lay out the “this is fucked” to your family.

Tell them to fix it IMMEDIATELY- as in dispose of credit cards, and lock Bro out of the family finances, do not loan him money.

If they will not fix it, you need to call the bank on their behalf, and inform the bank that they are being financially abused - the bank should the. Freeze all their finances (yea this will fuck people up) and begin a financial abuse review. But that is 100% better than them getting a few thousand dollars more in debt right(?).

Then you call the police, ask to talk to a social worker. Tell the social worker what is happening, and that your family is being financially abused by your brother.

The social worker will come out and “take action” to prevent the abuse continuing. If your brother is responsible and “made a mistake” it will remain a “civil” issue.

If he is not responsible, “did it, and continues to try to do it” it will become a criminal matter.

But it’s better than your family falling apart because of them.

[-]

nevernotfinished@reddit

There's nothing unethical about that! But it is really good advice

[-]

TolMera@reddit

I mean, the unethical part pet-se, is that this is pretty much like throwing a grenade into your family. No matter what you do, shits going to change in ways beyond your control.

I think a lot of people would blame OP and say he was unethical if he did this, even though Bro is the one violating the social contract and being unethical…

Sigh, I don’t know. This is ethically ethical, with hints of people will shit on you for doing this, even if it’s the right thing to do, and call you unethical.

[-]

Bright_Crazy1015@reddit

Right.

I was gonna say he's your little brother. Beat his ass until he complies. 🤷

[-]

gladysk@reddit

Unfortunately, not all police departments have Social Workers on staff.

[-]

username_bon@reddit

They'll usually have a referral to give or services that they can be put in the right direction of.

[-]

dcidino@reddit

Go pawn your brother's shit.

[-]

sir_thatguy@reddit

I have a buddy that donated plasma while a broke college student. You can that like weekly (don’t quote me on the time frame but it is way more often than donating blood).

[-]

Significant-Win-4405@reddit

everybody has a plan until they get smashed in the face

[-]

jejsjhabdjf@reddit

Do you not have your own bank account?

You could call child protective services.

When you’re brother is out of the house next break into his room and take all his most cherished things and go throw them in a bin down the street. Make sure you hide the things of yours you love the most. If he says anything just say I don’t know anything about it but you said you weren’t paying me back that $500 and maybe it was the universe punishing you and maybe it will happen to you again in the future if you don’t pay me back.

[-]

Own-Statistician1139@reddit

Why throw the stuff away? You can just take things that are worth anything and sell that

[-]

GeorgianGold@reddit

I'm so sorry. Cash can be hidden in the hems of curtains. If you're female, a tampon box is also good for hiding cash.

[-]

bootsandadog@reddit

You're in a finically abusive situation and need to respond to it as such.

You need to freeze all your credit scores. There's three of them and you can google how to do this. Your parents have everything they need to open up lines of credit in your name. If you go nuclear on them, they might start paying rent with credit cards in your name.

You need to subtly get all relevant, original identity documents: social security card, birth certificate, passport, etc. If you have to leave suddenly, you'll need these start a new life.

You need to start socking away money. Unfortunately, there's no way to hide money in a house that small with that many people. You will always risk your brother finding your hiding spot.

You'll need some form of electric banking. Ideally, it's a bank and checking account only you control. Worse case, you open something like cash app and have trusted friends deposit money into that account in exchange for cash.

You need to start finding excuses to get money from your family.

Going to buy some milk? Tell your family your broke, give them to give you money, buy milk, take the change, give it to a friend, have them transfer the money to cash app, and tell your family you spent it on gum.

Need a haircut? beg your mom for money, get the cheapest haircut you can, take the difference.

Paying rent? Make an excuse. Say you had to pay for something you broke at work. Say they cut your hours that week. Only pay like 50% of rent and sock away the rest.

Leech, leech, leech. If your brother can do it, so can you.

If you have any close friends that won't tell your family, you need to start talking to them. See if they have a couch you can crash on for a months. A walk-in closet you can rent for a six months. Anything. You'll be surprise what comes up.

When you are out of the situation. You need to look at the personal finance subreddit. Specifically their wiki and flow chart for finance success. Because you do not want to ever be back in that situation. But you won't have enough financial understanding to avoid it. You will end up like millions of other victims. Having to go back to their abusers because they couldn't afford rent.

[-]

tidder_mac@reddit

So the problem is you’re not able to move out until you have savings, but you can’t save because it will be sucked away. It also sounds like you’re lower economic class.

I’m biased, but look into joining the military. Housing and food is always provided, then you get a small paycheck and benefits including healthcare and GI Bill.

If you pick a useful job, you’ll be taught useful skills and can exit back to real life after 3 years.

The easiest path from lower class to upper middle class is military. Join, apply for avenue to get a degree and become an officer. Then use your GI bill to get a good masters.

[-]

LocalInactivist@reddit

Steal the cards and destroy them. If your brother absolutely has to have a credit card for gas, get him a card with a low credit limit, $500 or less. Make sure he doesn’t have any access to the accounts so he can’t raise the limit.

Don’t accept a new credit card. Establish your own separate accounts. Get your name off all their accounts so your credit isn’t destroyed and you aren’t on the hook for paying his debts.

Your brother is a leech and a loser. He’s just going to drag you down. Based on your description of his behavior I suspect he’s using drugs as well. Move out and don’t help him.

When he comes begging he’ll have a convincing story about bad luck and people mistreating him and just needs a little help. Then it won’t be him who needs help, it’ll be someone else. There will be a story about how your parents need help but are too proud to ask or how his girlfriend or wife needs something or they need help with his kid. If he doesn’t have a kid now, he will soon.

Finally, it’ll be how he’s seen the error of his ways and he’s trying to get it together but he just needs a little help. You’ll get variations on these basic themes as long as he thinks you’ll help him.

Once you move out there’s one rule you need to carve in stone and never violate. Never let him spend the night. Once he’s in he won’t leave. Even if he promises that it’s just for one night I guarantee that the next morning he’ll have an excuse as to why he can’t leave. He’ll be sick or his car won’t start or someone will be coming by with some money so it’s important that he stay just a little longer.

Odds are that the final card he’ll play is finding religion. If he tries that one ask what church he goes to. Then tell him to ask his church for help. That’s what they’re there for.

[-]

ScaryMouchy@reddit

Tell everyone that the bank has frozen your accounts because of suspicious activity so you can’t pay anything until it’s sorted out. See if there’s anything you can sell. Perhaps house sitting could get you out (no idea how to get into it though).

[-]

Happiness_10@reddit

Tell your parents you read an article that said you need to pull all 3 credit reports, free option, no score, to check for fraudulent accounts to see if you've been a victim of ID Theft, because of all of the data breaches. Other constantly on the news. Now sit down with your parents and go over their reports with both of your parents and yourself to make sure they haven't been a victim of Identity Theft. When you see the new card appearing on each of their reports, you can say mom/dad you're Identity was stolen just like mom/dad's was. We need to report this and get the cards shut down. Now you have plausible deniability if anyone questions your motives or for violating their trust. Now your parents will know that your brother was playing both of them. I'm sure they're going to be fucking pissed that he manipulated them and played them for fools. I used to work in ID theft industry and pulling your credit reports every year and reviewing them is what we all need to be doing regardless of the circumstances.

Who has your brother told about how he's scamming your parents because maybe that story could "miraculously" be conveyed to someone who would tell both of your parents.

Create a Reddit account from your brother's computer or phone. Make sure his handle sounds like something that they could easily believe was him. Now start chatting in forums and asking for advice on how to scam family and friends. Make sure to have an "anonymous" person say something similar to what your brother did. Then, with "his" account, write, " Oh yeah, that shit totally works. I'm scamming both of my parents right now. I'm playing them for fools. I don't go to work because I don't need the money because they both gave me a credit card that the other parent doesn't know about and I have run up 5k on each card. And the kicker is I told my brother I'm not paying him back the 5k he left me Lololol. Now, from his phone "accidentally" send a text to a family chat, or your parents and you, but was supposed to go to one of his friends. Make sure to include a link to his post with his handle. Make sure he references blowing off something he did that can be verified by your parents so that when denies it they'll be like fuck you,we're not that dumb

[-]

twistedbrewmejunk@reddit

Contact the cards and report them as stolen. Find a job that you can do and not get scene or noticed by your family

[-]

Shell-Fire@reddit

Donate blood and/or plasma for extra cash. There are specific places to do this for $$

[-]

120r@reddit

Nothing unethical about making and keeping your own money. You also don’t have a commitment to your family’s financial interests. Stop paying. They will figure it out.

[-]

Head_Rest_623@reddit (OP)

yeah but i do have to pay to stay here and one cheque won’t be enough to immediately leave to pay a dd and first months rent

[-]

120r@reddit

Not sure your age but if you’re paying rent I guess over 18? Get a PO Box. Open a bank account no knows of. Have all bank related materials sent there. Do not add anyone else to the accounts or access to the mailbox. If you need to open up a decoy account in case some drama pops up and you have to show them the account with $200 of emergency funds while you real money is elsewhere. Also it may help speed things up if you were mugged by the ATM one night and now the rent money is short.

[-]

yrthingssomplicated@reddit

How can 2-3 people working not be able to afford rent. What are you car payments? ULPt is to cut the CC and flood the car. Do at your own risk. I’d causing agains insurance fraud tho. Or take something of his and sell it. Sell games and shoes and other crap.

[-]

Head_Rest_623@reddit (OP)

myself and my mother work full time, my brother barely works as he always makes excuses and the other member (owns our mobile home but we still have to pay morgage+lot rent which she has bounced more than once as she has control of bank payments) was on disability (completely didn’t need to be) and has now been kicked off/ makes nothing so there’s money dissapearing there too, basically me my mother and my gma (87 with very low pension) are drowning and don’t know how to get out

[-]

yrthingssomplicated@reddit

That’s tough, what are your jobs ? I know this is ULPT but maybe trying to find the best paying job shoild be next. Possibly getting rid of the car and going on a e-bike ? But I wouldn’t recommend that if you have one car and your mom and grandmother need it.

[-]

inkslingerben@reddit

Have more taxes taken out of your paychecks to hide money and don't let anybody see your tax returns. Your parents should call their bank and cancel the cards and have the balance transferred to new cards which they keep and don't share with your brother.

[-]

JackassWhisperer@reddit

While he's sleeping, put three drops of super-glue on his eyelids and then sprinkle a teaspoon of glitter before it dries.

[-]

jlscott0731@reddit

Get your own place, save your money, and let them deal with their life choices.. also take him too claims court over the lone, or if you absolutely want to fuck with him, file a loan forgiveness with the IRS. You know you won't see the money, but he WILL have to pay taxes on it.

[-]