ULPT Request
Posted by Kitchen_Basis2202@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 13 comments
I work for a really big corporation. A new leadership team came in a few months ago and has done the classic "can you give me a rundown how to do what you do?" for our team of almost 40. Just got the (secret) scoop that upper management is almost certainly gutting our team in Q1. It stings, we built this (highly profitable) product from day 1 and now that it turning a profit they're going to remove us and outsource our team to save a buck. Ideas on strategy to #1 set myself up for something else prior to this, and #2 light revenge/chaos.
_jgusta_@reddit
Reverse clean room it. Start removing bits of code and rewriting them in a really inefficient way with ai. Make sure you have some easy-to-fix parts in it. Keep a copy of the old code AND a copy of the AI code. Rebase your work repository to cover up.
But post date by a quarter year some fixes under a different name, using bits of the original code in a separate branch buried somewhere it won’t be noticed.
Make a second AI rewrite of the original code. Sprinkle those same bits of code in your repo in a future branch, but make sure the commit date is after you are fired but before the planted one.
So now you’ve got: A) the original code you wrote, the only copy. B) the ai rewrite that is planted at the company, with the post-dated branches. C) your own separate ai rewrite of the original code with a couple of the same branches, but committed BEFORE the other, (dated after you are fired)
{Bonus: at this point create an anonymous GitHub account, and give it the access needed in order to make an auto synced repo so you can keep an eye on it}
Start a second company with parts of the original code. Once laid off, find out where your former employer is outsourcing from. Hire those same people immediately (they will probably not be exclusive anyway)
Have them work on fixing some of inefficient code you’ve planted in your repo. Guide them through it. Tell them to look at some specific commits for style guidance.
Gradually have your ai rewritten code converge into your original code. Hopefully the worker will converge their other jobs’ code towards your original.
When the time is right, sue the first company for hiring someone to spy on your new company. Tell them the product is clearly based on yours and you suspect they hired this person and knowingly sent them to work for you as well, stealing your code.
Ok, if this doesn’t work, leave them a nasty review on glassdoor and mention OSHA, exposed wires, narrow space between desks, and that you found a vulnerability that they refused to spend manpower to address in their l software.
South_Pie_8193@reddit
Goddamn 😂
codygnarlson@reddit
That's what I said, I said "goddamn"
I know essentially nothing about coding so maybe this isn't feasible, but if it is then this is legit one of the most nefarious schemes I've ever heard, and you have a new fanboy jgusta 😂
_jgusta_@reddit
It’s worth noting they may have you sign some agreement to get your severance. Make sure to read it first to make sure it doesn’t preclude your own actions
ech0_7ruth@reddit
Sorry you’re growing through this! Injure yourself, sue their insurance. Do they have safety and ergonomics checks? Maybe your wrist or neck are in tons of pain. Take FMLA because of pain and stress from it all and hostile toxic work environment. Pin two execs or other minions on each other by starting a rumor one of them was telling people about the upcoming team gutting. Take out the network jacks. If no cameras, destroy the WiFi. Put stinky stuff in the walls or hidden places, especially the jar with meat and water. harassment lawsuit of various kinds. Tell everyone the rumor of the layoff. Loosen the screws that hold the computer monitor mounts together if no cams, go to adjust it and hurt your wrist. Any pertinent email or chat you may need in the future for court, retain before too late. Laptops break all the time. A scrape in the wrong place on the motherboard or the memory/ssd in the microwave for 10 seconds does the trick. Have anything they want you to sign carefully considered, especially separation agreement or whatever it’s called. Negotiate for covered medical. Maybe there’s a way to anonymously ask HR since xyz manager/exec (one you don’t like) was telling people about impending layoffs
Kitchen_Basis2202@reddit (OP)
Love this all!
FishingReport@reddit
Don’t let them take your RED STAPLER!!
FilthyDogsCunt@reddit
Slip on something and fall down some stairs.
ech0_7ruth@reddit
Get one of those flipper zero’s, cloak and deauth wifi networks. Record key fob codes and key patterns with it
virtualchoirboy@reddit
If there's any code, remove ALL comments. Change as many variables to single letters. Reuse local generic variable names across functions (i.e. use "x" everywhere as a local variable). Misspell function names (i.e. GetAmount becomes AmuontGit).
The code will still work but be nearly impossible to maintain.
iffy_behavior@reddit
Not removing comments thoooo
Missing-the-sun@reddit
That is actually diabolical holy shit.
Latter_Inspector_711@reddit
At least you can start injecting milk into things with this heads up, consider yourself lucky