ULPT request: someone keeps eating my brothers fruit at work.
Posted by Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit | UnethicalLifeProTips | View on Reddit | 225 comments
My brother works at the airport. He works 12hr shifts. My mom cuts up fruit for him to take to work. He keeps the fruit in the lunchroom fridge. Some fuckwad thinks it’s okay to eat his fruit, so when my brother goes to eat it at the end of his shift, he finds an empty lunch box. Tips on how to teach him a lesson? I’ve seen the laxative meme. Suggestions? His gf has already bought him a locked lunch box but in the meantime..
virtualchoirboy@reddit
Have two containers in the lunch box, both opaque so that the contents can't be seen. Fruit in one, glitter in the other. Make sure the glitter container is harder to open to increase the chance of spilling. Whoever has glitter all over themselves is your thief... :-)
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Love this one too 🎉
garaks_tailor@reddit
Pure capsaicin is sold online in liquid or powder form. It's colorless more or less
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
This is it!!
P0Rt1ng4Duty@reddit
It is not.
A defense attorney friend of mine likes to say ''if you're going to put hot sauce on your sandwich to punish a thief, you'd better be prepared to eat the other half of that sandwich with a straight face.''
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
I still think this is the most ridiculous thing ever. Our downfall as a society was making booby traps illegal. If you aren't stealing you won't get hurt. 🤷🏼♀️
Technical-Job-8428@reddit
Booby traps are illegal because they are indiscriminate, they target everyone the same, whether it's children or dogs or people who might not speak the same language.
Imagine setting a shotgun booby trap up at your front door, it might destroy a burglar but it can just as easy kill some drunk college kid who accidentally walked into the wrong home on his walk home
zamfire@reddit
Also we can't put punishment into the hands of the public because the public is really bad about figuring out who is guilty
Knillawafer98@reddit
so is the govt 💀
zamfire@reddit
Better than Joe Bob who plans on murdering anyone indiscriminately with booby traps
Protector109@reddit
But we rely on the public for jury service, scary.
gigadanman@reddit
Not to mention EMTs or Firefighters who are just trying to help you
indigowulf@reddit
jesus, i dont think emt's or the neighbors dog are eating op's lunch
Ok-Let4626@reddit
Which is fine.
FirebirdWriter@reddit
Or you. You fail to disarm it and oopsed
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Breh I get it but nah. The kind I'm talking about are designed to catch certain predators and shouldn't do illegal. I'm not talking about digging a lot in the road with wooden spikes covered by loose leaves. But if you have a work twerp stealing your lunch and you lace it with something unpleasant, it shouldn't be YOU who gets in trouble when the thief has excessive diarrhea. Imagine if the bigger was allergic to peanuts and you didn't know and packed a lunch that contained peanuts. If the doorknob asphyxiates because they stole from you, are you liable? What if you knew they had an allergy but you like nuts, eat them regularly and packed something that had hidden nuts. Are you still liable? See what I mean? It's stupid.
P0Rt1ng4Duty@reddit
Intending to harm another person is illegal. Setting them up to be harmed prior to their bad act (of stealing this particular food item) falls under the same laws.
Youpunyhumans@reddit
They have to prove the intent though.
"Sorry your honor, I thought it was ketchup."
What are they gonna do, punish you for misreading a label? How are they gonna prove you intentionally put the pure carolina reaper sauce on there?
metalflygon08@reddit
Check when you bought the sauce? If it was right before the incident and you've got no history of ever buying the sauce before that screams "I did this with intent"
brucewillisman@reddit
That would require detective work. I doubt any police station would use their resources on this…unless of course, the ceo is the thief…then we start the million(s) dollar manhunt!
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
I'm aware of the legality, I'm saying it's still B.S. and should have been made legal a long time ago. As a whole we'd be better off if people stopped getting away with shit like this.
P0Rt1ng4Duty@reddit
Sure. But if you aren't prepared to punch someone in the face for stealing your lunch then you're not prepared to inflict pain on them in other ways.
As much as those things seem different, they're not. Unethical life pro tips are not the same as illegal life pro tips. Let's not advise our compatriots to break actual laws.
Mediocre_Forever198@reddit
Focusing specifically on the hot sauce example though, would that one really even constitute a booby trap? It’s not as though you are really harming them, and it’s a far cry from actually punching someone in the face. I can imagine if a case like that ever went before a judge they’d throw it out for being a ridiculous waste of time. It’s not like hot sauce is poison, it’s food.
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Some woman got fined for putting something spicy in her child's juice because it was getting stolen by some dickhead lil kid. The best ended up in the ER not cuz he was actually hurt hurt but because they didn't know what was going on with him and the mom admitted to booby trapping her son's drink. I think it's duuuuumb but I'm not a lawmaker so 🤷🏼♀️ Like, the kid was fine at the end of the day, and if he hadn't been a rotten little shit he wouldn't have drank anything bad to begin with. This wasn't like 5 year olds either, they were old enough to know better.
Mediocre_Forever198@reddit
That’s so ridiculous. I guess the key is not to admit it was on purpose. I imagine the courts would be more inclined to impose a fine if a kid is involved too. I’d probably just make the fruit uncomfortably spicy, but not like alarmingly spicy lol. Like maybe a teaspoon of ghost pepper sauce injected in 😂 any adult would be freaking insane to go to the ER over that, they’d just be uncomfortable for like 30 minutes.
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Yeah it ended up being not that bad, kid was a wuss and adults panicked lol
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Why would I break my hand on someone's face when I could have them shitting their brains out instead? Lol
Sean__Wick@reddit
Not intending to harm anyone. However my lunch has your standard complex disarming procedure.
P0Rt1ng4Duty@reddit
The correct answer to this solution is a locking lunchbox or leaving it in your car.
Snow-Dog2121@reddit
BORING
AbruptMango@reddit
r/lostredditors
Sean__Wick@reddit
/r/EthicalLifeProTips
AbruptMango@reddit
The sour cream is in the locked lunchbox that GF bought me.
metalflygon08@reddit
Until the cleaning crew gets injured from a booby trapped lunch box forgotten in the fridge that goes off on them when they do the weekly clean out...
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Booby trap in this case means food laced with something to make you sick (not poisonous, just give you the runs or something) if the cleaning crew doesn't try to eat the spoiled food they'd be fine 🤷🏼♀️
LiYBeL@reddit
I’ve had pure capsaicin before and I wouldn’t wish that hell on my worst enemy, much less some shithead from my work
rootsgodeeper@reddit
So….you’re dead?
LiYBeL@reddit
Well, I properly diluted it, so, no
Chuckitybye@reddit
It is if it's properly labeled with an additional "do not open". Most food thieves don't bother reading
RedWeddingPlanner303@reddit
What about putting that capsaicin on the outside of the lunchbox or right where you grab it to open it? You could say you were cutting peppers when you were preparing the lunchbox and that's how it got on the outside but the idiot that is stealing the food will only notice after rubbing his eyes or using the bathroom.
P0Rt1ng4Duty@reddit
The actual solition to this problem is to get ice packs and lock your lunchbox in your own car.
Gold_Assistance_6764@reddit
This is not unethical
fruderduck@reddit
Someone could move it to get to theirs; bad idea.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Extremely valid point, thank you 😪
P0Rt1ng4Duty@reddit
They sell sandwich bags online that have mold printed on them so the food inside looks spoiled. Works great for sandwiches, maybe not for fruit.
I know I'm in the wrong sub for ethical advice, but buy your brother a cooler and some ice packs so he can lock his lunch up in his car. Problem fucking solved.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
I’ve seen those too! Also figured they might not work well for fruit. I’m definitely taking the ethical advice too, like I said his gf already bought him a lock box which is on its way to him but this guy that they’re pretty sure is taking the food sounds very entitled and rude and generally disliked and it makes me angry that he thinks he can take my brothers food. Groceries and my moms love are expensive and not for him 😒
P0Rt1ng4Duty@reddit
The food stealing guy is a terrible human being for sure. They are probably getting a huge kick out of inflicting this pain on your brother and are the worst type of person who walks the earth.
You do more damage to their psyche by removing their ability to inflict harm than you do by inflicting harm upon them. Escalating the situation gives them pleasure and it's not the way.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Honestly fair point. My brother is way way pettier than I’ll ever be so I don’t think he’ll care about anything other than getting back at the guy but you’re definitely right, taking the opportunity away is probably the best revenge haha
MsChrisRI@reddit
Go to a Wendy’s and order chili, ask for extra hot sauce packets. Their hot sauce is clear and thick, perfect for spreading on fruit.
It’s also clearly edible, so the perp can’t claim anyone was trying to poison him. Your brother can reasonably say he’s trying a new “spicy fruit” snack recipe or fad diet.
Super_Reading2048@reddit
This is the way!
two-of-me@reddit
Yep was definitely thinking spicy is the way to go!
wineandcatgal_74@reddit
Ideas like this make the internet such a delight.
Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit
In all of these food thief posts, WHYYYYY is this the first time I’m reading this solution?!
AbruptMango@reddit
It's not the kind of unethical the internet has trained us to come up with.
RelicBeckwelf@reddit
Dust it with Xylitol, an artificial sweetener, the same one in the infamous sugar free gummy bears. it'll taste extra sweet and has a diarrhea effect. No way to prove it was the fruit that caused it, and you couldn't use it to call out the thief without admitting to doing it, but you can at least know they'll be shitting themselves like crazy.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Love this one too, no meds involved and if they don’t get the diarrhea at least they had to eat some disgustingly sweet fruit haha
YouArentReallyThere@reddit
Be careful if you have doggos. Just a little xylitol will kill them very, very fast.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Thank you! I have kitties but yes definitely gotta be careful
Knillawafer98@reddit
it's toxic for cats too
ColdSmashedPotatoes4@reddit
Maltitol is the same with the diarrhea, but won't hurt dogs.
CttCJim@reddit
Be careful using diuretics as booby traps. You can wind up in court real fast, especially if the person ends up dehydrated in the hospital (which can easily happen). It doesn't matter that they stole it, the prosecutor will argue that you knowingly poisoned the thief, and not knowing who it is means it can work against you since it's negligent (especially if the asshole has a health condition)
RelicBeckwelf@reddit
Except Xylitol is a sweetener that has the side effect of being a diuretic if too much is eaten. Lots of people put sweeteners on their fruit. You have a point if you're putting an actual diuretic in food, such as the infamous ex lax brownies.
CttCJim@reddit
Their. It depends on the size of the dose you add.
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
Pretty hard to prove it was a giant dose after the fact.
RelicBeckwelf@reddit
Exactly, I personally would add a normal sized dose for serving size. If it's being stolen daily the build up would get them eventually. And if the container is multiple servings even quicker.
RelicBeckwelf@reddit
It also has a cumulative effect, so if they don't shit themselves Monday, they will on Tuesday.
DrNukenstein@reddit
Combine it with a mild paralytic, so not only do they have uncontrollable shits, they can’t move.
“OMG! Ted’s lying on the floor shitting all over himself!”
Gold_Assistance_6764@reddit
Yes this. Poison the fruit with rocuronium. They will lose all motor function and die on the floor, unable to scream, as they asphyxiate because their diaphragm is paralyzed.
Pkmn_Gold@reddit
Jesus lmao
Kingofcryo@reddit
Totally. I mean, a tad harsh, but that's not their fruit!
SoyboyCowboy@reddit
Can I offer you some strychnine in these trying times?
furbishL@reddit
And that’s when you break out the piss disks!
rohlovely@reddit
Don’t need the liquid ass, Ted’s making enough of that already…
Marchingkoala@reddit
Omg I remember that!!!! Those gummy reviews were terrifying and hilarious at the same time
Spaceseeker51@reddit
Sorbitol - the gift that keeps giving.
SlipperyPencil@reddit
It wasn't xylitol in the gummies. A dusting of xylitol will do nothing.
MorgainofAvalon@reddit
I use Xylitol mints for dry mouth, and it can absolutely cause the runs.
There is a warning on the pkg that says: a gradual introduction to xylitol is recommended since it could have a laxative effect. And it's true.
While it would take more than just a sprinkle, it would work.
RelicBeckwelf@reddit
The gummy bears contain sugar alcohols...which cause diarrhea...Xylitol is a sugar alcohol...so ot causes diarrhea. Studies have shown in as little as 15 grams, or 3 teaspoons. You can easily cover a container of fruit with 3 - 5 teaspoons of Xylitol without it being visibly or taste obvious depending on the amount of fruit.
Significant_Planter@reddit
You need maggots. Dumpsters are good places to find maggots. Or I'll leave some kind of food outside long enough and it might attract them naturally. Fill a container with fruit add maggots.
Person will start eating before they see the maggots. Once they see the maggots, they will never eat your fruit again!
EarorForofor@reddit
Don't even need maggots. Get some dried mealworms from the pet store and just stick it under the top layer of fruit. After a few bites they'll see them. If HR asks, say your little brother got a new iguana and you grabbed the mealworms on your way to work and you have to keep them cold
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Absolutely unhinged, love it
glasses_the_loc@reddit
Not easily detected either, dried bugs or earthworm in your lunchbox
"Organic"
notrolljustasshole@reddit
Dust the fruit with Xanax, whoever’s falling over at work is the culprit.
indigowulf@reddit
ok giving xanax to someone other than the prescribee is already illegal, so since we're past unethical at this point... high dose of magic mushrooms.
hollow out the core of a strawberry, add the mushroom powder, replace stem. for best results, dip that one in chocolate to make sure they eat it all at once (and make sure you dont mistakenly eat it at work!)
DegenerateOnCross@reddit
Amphetamines would be funnier
Secret-Tackle8040@reddit
Or viagra.
metalflygon08@reddit
Working hard or hardly working?
Secret-Tackle8040@reddit
👏🏼 👏🏼 👏🏼
PeeInMyArse@reddit
viagra doesn’t give you a boner it just makes it easier to pop one
Mister_Dane@reddit
No one would notice my microdick anyway
Sweetexaschica@reddit
😂😂😂😂
PeeInMyArse@reddit
yes but you need way more and it’s harder to tell if someone is tweaking
4mg xan (two bars) would have you loopy as shit. the most amph i’ve had in a day (accidentally) was equivalent to ~150mg racemic street speed shit and while i felt like shit i wasn’t visibly tweaking
Different-Phone-7654@reddit
Exlax is not a controlled substance. Until the person commits war crimes in the bathroom.
notjordansime@reddit
dose the fruit with LSD
Comprehensive_Cut179@reddit
Lace with psilocybin.
andrewsydney19@reddit
There is something that someone I know did. He takes some medication that he adds to his lunch. Someone stole his lunch, so he emailed HR and said that my food was stolen and had medication inside it. It is essential that this person is located as this medication has severe side effects.
HR want to cover their ass first and foremost so they did everything to find the lunch thief.
The ULPT part, you lie about having medication in your food.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Wait this is fantastic, especially since it potentially doesn’t even need anything to be added to the food
MammothPies@reddit
And the best part is that you don't have to disclose what kind of medication it is, because that's your business.
Turtleintexas@reddit
Not only is it your business but it is Federally protected. HIPAA.
mom-whitebread@reddit
HIPAA doesn’t mean people can’t ask about health information, it means that your healthcare providers cannot discuss your health history or care.
Turtleintexas@reddit
It provides protection for you not having to disclose it to anyone.
mom-whitebread@reddit
HIPAA is about entities other than yourself disclosing your information. You can do whatever you want with your own information whether that’s share it or not, but HIPAA has nothing to do with that. Like for example, if an employer requires a TB test to employ me, I don’t have to tell them the results, but they also don’t have to employ me.
Turtleintexas@reddit
It is more than what you are saying. It includes what I am saying also. That's why there are HIPAA release forms at the DR/ hospital. But I'm not engaging with you anymore
mom-whitebread@reddit
Yes, the release forms at the hospitals are for the hospital to be able to discuss your healthcare information. That’s exactly what the law applies to, how much your healthcare providers are allowed to share your information. It doesn’t mean HR can’t ask about your health, there are other laws surrounding that however, just not hipaa.
Turtleintexas@reddit
They can ask, but I don't have to reveal , because I'm protected via HIPAA!!
mom-whitebread@reddit
No, that would be the Americans Disability Act.
Turtleintexas@reddit
No, generally your employer cannot request your non-injury medical information without a valid reason, like needing to verify your ability to perform job duties due to a disability or if you are requesting a reasonable accommodation under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA); they can only ask for specific, job-related medical information with your consent.
Key points to remember:
Privacy laws:
Federal laws like HIPAA protect your medical privacy, meaning your employer cannot access your full medical records without your authorization.
Exceptions for accommodations:
If you request a reasonable accommodation due to a disability, your employer may ask for medical documentation to verify your limitations.
Job-related inquiries:
Employers can ask about your ability to perform specific job functions, but not the details of your medical condition.
What to do if your employer asks for non-injury medical information:
Ask for clarification:
If you are unsure why your employer is asking for the information, ask them to explain the specific job-related reason.
Consult with an attorney:
If you believe your employer is requesting medical information beyond what is legally allowed, consider seeking legal advice.
mom-whitebread@reddit
Exactly, the ADA means they cannot ask the questions. The questions they are allowed to ask, the doctors are not allowed to answer without your permission, which is what HIPAA is. Thank you for providing sources to confirm what I have been trying to explain to you.
Turtleintexas@reddit
Me too
Turtleintexas@reddit
Wrong
metalflygon08@reddit
Or just put a couple of aspirin/tums in there.
AlexCivitello@reddit
Get your hands on some Bitrex, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denatonium it's usually marketed as something to prevent accidental ingestion of harmful things by children, notably used in low concentration on Nintendo switch cartridges. A small quantity of this on some fruit will leave an intensely unpleasant taste in the mouth of anyone who tries to eat some for hours to even days. Best part, it's generally harmless, colourless, and odourless.
LinkingForces@reddit
Can't find it, I tried to import it multiple times... For reasons... It keeps getting confiscated at customs.
Frank_The_Reddit@reddit
Is that the shit they put in that anti-nail biting polish? My stepmom put that on me because I had anxiety and it made everything I tried to eat awful because it would get on the food and my lips.
suednim42@reddit
Sorry manager, I had read that black pepper enhances the taste of strawberries. I didn't have that so I tried habanero peppers instead, guess it doesn't work the same...
pohlcat01@reddit
I love sweet and spicy so this could be believable.
RectumExplorer--@reddit
Why would he have to explain himself? I like ghost pepper dust on my oranges, if a coworker ate it it's not my problem...
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
🤪🤪
ElectricalStrength22@reddit
Rattlesnakes. The answer is rattlesnakes.
workitloud@reddit
Cut up some fruit & piss in it. Confectioners sugar will mask the piss taste for a minute, toss some orange slices to mask the color. Feed them piss for a week.
Mushrooming247@reddit
I learned from the UFC’s Ultimate Fighter television show that urinating on a fruit salad apparently does not negatively affect the flavor, and instead makes it taste even juicier and more delicious…and makes you want to drink your friends’ urine even more.
I am not even kidding you, this happened on the Ultimate Fighter television show.
DrNukenstein@reddit
You mean people who get hit in the head a lot like piss enhanced food?
firewaterstone@reddit
it's got electrolytes?
wholovesyoubaby69@reddit
It’s what plants crave?
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
“Makes you want to drink your friends’ urine even more.”
You got something you want to talk about?
OkDragonfly4098@reddit
The fuck?
Annekterad@reddit
Link?
GodzillaWarDance@reddit
Here is the clip
mikausea@reddit
why tho..
Prestigious_Spray_49@reddit
Inject food coloring in the fruit. Whoever has the blue mouth is the winner.
wholovesyoubaby69@reddit
Love this!
inkslingerben@reddit
A little ghost pepper will spice things up.
204gaz00@reddit
Dude I worked with many years ago had the same problem. Someone was eating his apples so he took one a d rubbed it all over his balls
Lexubex@reddit
If your brother wants to be petty, put a small inexpensive wireless camera in his lunch bag that can connect with his phone. Make sure his name is clearly labeled on the lunch bag. A
lunablack01@reddit
Is he one of the people who enjoy durian, by chance?
SpectralEdge@reddit
This reminds me of the time I took a needle and filled a bunch of grapes with pickle juice for April fools.
psychedelicCyclops@reddit
Put a razor blade in an apple
MillieBirdie@reddit
Don't tamper with the food itself but maybe take a bit out of it first.
Skeggy-@reddit
Airport has cameras everywhere. Tell him to get with his manager.
Poisoning the food is a quick way out of a job. Even if the thief is the one in the wrong.
metalflygon08@reddit
Especially at an airport.
Want a fun afternoon with the feds? Mess with traps and toxins in an airport.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Fair. They think they have an idea of who’s doing it but the guy obviously denies it. Management also knows but there’s no cameras in the lunch room so no proof to accuse.
SassNCompassion@reddit
Pomegranate seeds will stain the thief’s fingers red. Give the manager a heads up this will be happening, and keep an eye out for the person who came in with normal looking hands, and leaves with red hands. Haha catch the thief red-handed!
DeathTripper@reddit
I hear turmeric goes well with certain fruits too…
It’s a shame that it dyes my skin orange.
Skeggy-@reddit
I’m a petty individual. But I wouldn’t die on this fruit cup hill.
Utilize the locked lunch bag and just stink eye the coworker.
If you’re tech savvy at all and have access to the WiFi, set a motion sensor in the lunchbox. When it goes off, go to the break room with a manager. Tbh it isn’t even worth it though.
mikausea@reddit
with fruit prices these days brother yes it is
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
I know I know.. I just imagine my sweet mom hand cutting fruit for him and him working a long ass tiring shift only to find an empty fruit box and it makes me mad LOL
MiniNuka@reddit
Pet camera possibly? Motion activated, catches the guy in the act AND you have a camera for pet safety moving forward
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
I actually have a pet camera at home from when we got our kittens haha
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Put it inside the lunchbox and boom, proof the thief was there.
boonepii@reddit
I vote for loud electronic fart noise when you open the bag.
ZanzaBarBQ@reddit
Have your brother take photos of himself wiping his ass with fruit. After he has been eating a few days in a row, put the Polaroids in the box.
Fun_Intention9846@reddit
This the first one that had me laughing.
Frank_The_Reddit@reddit
Lmfao
mj_syn@reddit
Brush the fruit with the nail lacquer that you get to put on nails that prevents you from biting it. Can't be seen. Tastes revolting.
madddskillz@reddit
Not quite unethical
But I've seen lockable lunch boxes
Aggressive-Arm2663@reddit
Did you read about them in the post where he mentions them??
Aggressive-Arm2663@reddit
Is your brother special need? If not why is mommy cutting up fruit for a grown ass man?
Scragglymonk@reddit
The chilli extract will work, inject into a banana core to help mask it. Guess HR were no use?
ThrowRaAwayawayVietn@reddit
keep in mind booby trappin is illegal in alot of places....
SugarInvestigator@reddit
Lace the fruit with laxatives or hallucigens
CanIPNYourButt@reddit
Just smear habanero pepper juice on the fruit and the lunch box (wear latex gloves to do this unless you like pain.) Habaneros are not unreasonably hot, are more likely to be a legit lunch item, and most importantly will cause intense discomfort to their genitals as well as leave little red burn marks on their face. Fuck the guy that's doing this; teach him a lesson.
necronboy@reddit
Put a line of printers ink under the lid. It's sticky, stains, and many soy based ones are non-toxic. The thrif will be caught red handed. They may even be on the hook for a new uniform.
reddfoxx5800@reddit
Buy a zipper lock
kittenofd00m@reddit
Lunchbox alarm you can make yourself
https://youtu.be/01NG7oN19i0?si=jMejlej7eRr39VlJ
MingusPho@reddit
I'd soak everything in food dye supposing I wanted to catch them. Otherwise I reckon I might dip each piece in piss for as long as it took for them to get the message and keep a cooler for myself elsewhere.
sharding1984@reddit
Have him bring a container full but dip all the fruit in bittrex treated windshield washer fluid. Do it a few times and I think the miscreant will stop.
ech0_7ruth@reddit
Inject the fruit with an extremely hot culinary grade substance. Wait patiently
Lopsided-Beach-1831@reddit
Sprinkle copious amounts of viagra on the fruit. Whoever is walking around for 4 hours w a boner is your culprit. (If its a male, comments suggested male)
taffibunni@reddit
Convince mom that a prank where she packs blueberries and blackberries with some kind of mouth blackening (but safe) dye would be hilarious. Brother will still have plausible deniability for any "harm" and will be easily identify the culprit. On the unethical side, he could try fruit with tajin or hot honey or some other topping that might make it less appealing to someone who might be wary of a trap.
parasiticporkroast@reddit
Dose it with lsd.
Fun times await !
Neat-Complaint5938@reddit
For real a couple drops of LCD would be completely unnoticeable and more than just a day ruiner
parasiticporkroast@reddit
Not a day ruiner...a day of SURPRISES! 🌞 🌈
Ok-Comparison-9835@reddit
What a waste of good drugs though.
parasiticporkroast@reddit
True.
Or call the cops and tell them your neighbors are having a party and you're watching people leave drunk. Maybe throw some beer cans in their truck.
This one's hard.
Maybe put shit water in a super soaker and spray all their vehicles with shit
mikausea@reddit
please tag me with the future result of this i wish to see the airport lunchroom thief have justice
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
I’ll try to remember to post an update!!! Gonna try and get our hands on something super spicy and try that 😂🤪
TNoStone@reddit
Plutonium #9 is basically the hottest anything can be. It’s 9 million scovilles, it takes an EXTREMELY small amount (like the very tip of just the tapered part of a toothpick) and it has basically zero taste or smell.
It’s expensive, yes, but it will last you for the rest of your life even if you eat it yourself semi-regularly. Want something spicier without changing the flavor much? Dip a toothpick in the plutonium #9 and stir it around. Sinus bothering you? Bit of plutonium #9 will clear it right up (im not joking I use this stuff to clear my sinus lmao)
RelsircTheGrey@reddit
Soak the next bowl of fruit in Dave's Insanity Sauce.
real_boiled_cabbage2@reddit
Catfood casserole?
Thawed out frozen food that's been refrozen? (Better be careful with this one)
A turd with a note attached to it?
A bunch of nail clippings mixed in to the peanut butter on a pb&j?
Bathe while you cook. Put those peeled veggies in your tub water with a pic of them in tomorrow's lunch.
dirtymoney@reddit
Get some ridiculously hot hot sauce and inject it into one piece of fruit.
wickedlees@reddit
Crush up an ambien dust the fruit!
flyingsaxophone@reddit
Set up a super loud piezo alarm that activates when the lid opens. Or, have a loud pre-recorded message that says "look at me! I steals lunches!"
ItsMeWillieD@reddit
If the fruit is sliced up, soak it in urine.
chickpeahummus@reddit
In college I put a sticky note on my bananas that they were injected with cyanide (not crazy given a lot of us worked in labs). No one wanted to take a chance. Since it was labeled it’s not like they didn’t know but obv I never did that.
Maybe you could put a note that the fruit contains a laxative and then if they continue to steal it, actually put a laxative in it sometimes. Laxative roulette. Idk the legal implications but it’s not like you’re lying.
Dragoness42@reddit
Rig up a decoy box with a foghorn that will go off LOUDLY when opened. The gut-dropping adrenaline of a sudden loud noise when you'\re being sneaky is a punishment in itself, as well as letting you catch the thief.
FrankFarter69420@reddit
Inject food dye into your fruit. Red dye into strawberries/watermelon, blue in the blueberries etc. The culprit will have a mouth covered in dye that won't wash easily.
Significant-Win-4405@reddit
LSD is the best option
Sean__Wick@reddit
Methylene blue coated blueberries are one of my favorite fruit snacks. Great for the mitochondria. The only problem is that it tends to dye my fingers blue, and it won't scrub off for days. The blue pee is just a bonus.
Sheeshka49@reddit
Get an opaque container and place a tarantula inside it! No fruit that day. Wait for the screams!
omg_@reddit
Get some food coloring, swirl some green, blue, maybe yellow together and drip it on the fruit? Then stick a few strands of marshmallow fluff between the fruit so it looks goopy and nasty. Bonus: no food actually ruined, and no need to freeze piss!
IrradiantFuzzy@reddit
Sign in the lunch bag: "Smile for the camera, lunch thief. I'll race you home...."
bmorris0042@reddit
Put pure capsaicin oil on the outside of the container. The person may not react immediately, but when they go to the bathroom, you’ll know by the screaming. I’ve accidentally done this with habanero juice on my fingers, and it nearly brought me to tears.
RectumExplorer--@reddit
Replace grapes with live hand grenades.
NerdHerder77@reddit
This is what Canada did to the Germans in WW2.
Threw rations over to the German side to get them used to getting free food, then switched to live grenades.
Remember, it's not a war crime if it's the first time.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Perfect this is the one
limajhonny69@reddit
You know those text markers with fluorescent green/yellow collors? You can dilute in alcohol and spread it on the package. Or just draw all over the package aswell. Do not tamper the food, or poison it cause will end up being fired.
When someone touches the package with markers' paint, their hands will become dirty but unoticed cause the collor will not be visible. As soon as he sees his food is gone, he can light a cheap uv led to the hands of his coworkers saying (hey, look at this cool flashlight). The guilty's one will shine green in a strong color.
I bought a keyring with one of those lights for less than a dollar once. It worked fine.
ZanzaBarBQ@reddit
We had a Master at Arms (Navy police) who put a powder on a wallet to catch a thief. After the wallet was stolen, he mustered everyone who used that berthing area and shined a blacklught on their hands. The lesson learned was that JP5 diesel jet fuel glow under black light, and it was an engineering berthing compartment. Almost everyone in engineering handles JP5.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
This is a good one too! Plus points for creativity tbh
stan-dupp@reddit
Put a banana in your butthole and let them have at it, repeat as necessary
mikausea@reddit
who eat the peel
stan-dupp@reddit
Without the peel out it in your butt
jlscott0731@reddit
Take rotten ass fruit. Cover it with artificial sweetener that is known to cause stomach issues. Let the thief enjoy the karma..
mikausea@reddit
i would get a giant gummy dick from Spencer's and put it in there with a note "since you wanna be a dck so bad..."
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
😂😂😂
Spiderbubble@reddit
Dusting of super spicy peppers.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
This one might win tbh. Legal and painful, and if anyone asks, he just likes his food spicy 🤷🏻♀️
mikausea@reddit
It's like the tajin on melon except it's 100% pure capsaicin on fruit salad haha 😭
Horror_Cow_7870@reddit
Chili powder and lime juice are very common on watermelon in Mexico.
Mysterious_Ladder539@reddit
Coat the cut up fruit in ghost pepper juice
JupiterSkyFalls@reddit
Get some live crickets and put in the lunchbox. Your brother was planning on a late night fishing trip after work and brought the bait with him so he wouldn't have to run home first.
myusername1111111@reddit
Make a poster for the break room saying that you stirred your fruit salad with your genitals, write that if you want to see the video, go to a Web address at the bottom of the poster with the start of a pornhub address and the rest ripped off.
The fruit theif will no doubt go to HR with a complaint of food tampering and expose them selves as the skid mark that they are.
Downtown-Analyst@reddit
Put a nanny cam in the lid of the lunchbox. Get the evidence or discourage the theft.
KingOfThe_Jelly_Fish@reddit
Hot sauce or laxatives.
probably_beans@reddit
Locking fridge cage, fruit-size. They exist
heuristic_dystixtion@reddit
Like this?
https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting/comments/7043iv/padlocked_lunch_box_in_break_room_fridge_is_a/?rdt=34003
pollyanna15@reddit
Fill 40 paper lunch bags with random stuff and put them in the refrigerator.
Omega_Boost24@reddit
For now, I would just stop cutting up fruit and store it whole in my bag. Or just buy a fruit cutter and cut it on the spot, takes 1 min. Other solutions won't make you eat fruit, why renounce?
The ulpt is to put a sign inside the box saying that you talked to hr and that he's gonna regret it. From outside is not visible so it's kinda ok and doesn't risk anything, because someone complaining would be obviously be guilty. So you might want to get creative on that post it, but nothing comes to my mind at the moment.
My stupid ass would prepare two boxes, i would label one with my name (a different from the usual one, just to mix up things) and another with "free fruit, please don't steal my lunch"
oPUNcircuit@reddit
Inject grapes with the hottest hot sauce you can find.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Love this, especially since the first fruit the guy ate was the grapes 😪
goatlime@reddit
I saw a reddit reel on Facebook. You can be prescribed a laxative in the video I saw, but any medication will do. Mix it in with the fruit. With a doctors note proofing it, they will not only have whatever medical side effects that can't have any legal effects on your brother if they were to have an allergic issue or whatnot. You can also sue the fruit thief for stealing prescription medication, and at the least, they will be fired.
Eastern-Astronomer-6@reddit
Does he work on the secure side of the airport? If so, why risk anything that could jeopardize his security? Just wait for the locked box.
Just-Lettuce-9232@reddit (OP)
Fair point. The locker room/fridge is not in the secure part. He has to put his belongings there before going through security to get to the ramp.
scarletOwilde@reddit
Dummy pack of fruit doused in lots of lemon juice.
Single_Asparagus4793@reddit
Put a lock on the lunchroom fridge similar to this. Teach them all a lesson
Lazy_Television_6690@reddit
"Spit on fruit, claim possession."