ULPT Request: How do I put the Fear of God Into the heart of a shitheaded 12 year old?

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blurblurblahblah@reddit

Hide in the shrubs & blast him with a fox-piss filled supersoaker every morning.

& fuck his mom. Or his gramma. Or both

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Tonnemaker@reddit

Do they ride bikes to school? A wad of brown shoepolish on the saddle can make it look like he had an embarrassing accident.

And even if he discovers it, it's annoying to clean off.

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Psytrancedude99@reddit

Step 1: Sleep with mom or dad

Step 2: Break up marriage with said couple.

Step 3: Become Step parent

Step 4: Break his soul psychologically so that he develops mad anxiety, depression, and can barely function as an adult.

Step 5: Profit!

PS it's just a joke

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AllMoneyGone@reddit

Give him free drugs so he becomes addicted!

/S

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Blandish06@reddit

You forgot the step where you put his parents into a chili and win the cook-off judged by this kid

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cheesenuggets2003@reddit

Step-parent? That isn't foolproof.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHcrOBz_l90

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GarugasRevenge@reddit

Ehh just get Facebook pics and use an AI generator to make cheating proof, then make a Facebook account as the other woman. Send message to wife.

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I had this happen before…the next day, I got 15 of my friends and went to the parents house in a rather dramatic fashion (cars pulled up in the driveway and on their lawn at the same time, not planned just happened that way), and went to the front door and banged on it while everyone got out and was scattered throughout the yard. The dad answered and I told him what his boy and friends did to my daughter, and what was described as a very psychotically restrained voice, said if his kid even looks in the direction of my daughter, I’d be back in the middle of the night…then one of the guys said “yeah we might just join him…is your wife home?”

Knowing I had probably crossed a line, I looked him straight in the eyes and said something like don’t make me come back here, and walked off. Just like that, we all left and met up at the gas station up the street. I thanked them all, we left, and I went home.

I told my wife what I did and apologized, and said the police might be here shortly, and she said, “doesn’t matter, you did the right thing, I’ll stand by your side no matter what.”

Nothing ever came out of it except the kid always crossed the street when he saw me and/or my daughter and she said she never really saw him anymore at school.

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High_Im_Guy@reddit

How the fuck is this corny make believe bullshit upvoted??this is /r/Im14andVeryBadass material

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skyst@reddit

I had this happen to me when I was a kid. A new neighborhood boy a year younger than me was harassing and touching a girl in the neighborhood the same age as him. I started walking her home from the bus stop which kept him away for a while. Her mom was super thankful and gave me a nice thank you card for walking her home everyday after a while.

Eventually, the boy started harassing her more and more as we walked home. We ended up getting into a fight and I landed a hit on his face, giving him a bloody nose. Later that day, a handful of men and a few women in a pickup truck flew up our driveway.

I was only about 13 years old and it was just my mom and I living at the house. She was like 5' 100lbs, maybe I was bigger than her at the time. She took a heroic stand in front of these men and basically told the father that his son was a piece of shit. I remember her telling me afterwards that the men looked like they were all back, no bite but that the boy's mom had crazy eyes and scared her.

The boy ended up waving a gun at me a few weeks later on a walk home from school (he was not at school that day and ambushed us). I have no idea if it was real or not. They ended up moving away part way through the school year and nothing else ever came of them.

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Actual_Doughnut9248@reddit

That little boy grew up to be Matt Gaetz

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purplepashy@reddit

I can't think of any mates that would back me up, but this is what I would do regardless.

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scriptkid101@reddit

I wouldn’t even bother talking to him, he will 1000% not listen to you and this will likely increase the problem.

If you plan on doing anything actually unethical, it’s probably already too late because you contacted his parents so your family is suspect #1.

I’d contact the parents again and say “hey just a heads up, our lawyer suggested we start filing a police report after each incident to keep a record of what he has been doing” which should scare them enough to pay attention.

If that doesn’t work they’re probably absolute trash and you’re out of luck

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RaisedSteaks@reddit

I disagree. I wouldn't tell the parents this, I would actually start documenting and get a lawyer. I would only contact the family or the school about this through the lawyer. School take a very different approach when they know they could face a lawsuit and threats to sue give them the upper hand at contacting a lawyer to start a case first, if it comes to it.

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MartenGlo@reddit

There's a special piss disk just for that kind of situation.

Freeze some ball bearings into the piss disk when you make it.

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blurblurblahblah@reddit

Or gravel. The rough, pointy kind.

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hattz@reddit

Ulpt - don't hire a lawyer, just use AI to make up a legal notice for the school on an ongoing case being built around their ignoring the situation.

Send from bla bla law at gmail dot com

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CookieWifeCookieKids@reddit

Are you suggesting a Bob Lablaw low blow?

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321Tomo@reddit

Your dentists name is Krentist?

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41VirginsfromAllah@reddit

It’s easy to get a temporary restraining order granted. Much harder to get a full restraining order granted but the TRO may get the parents attention when they have to go to court for the hearing.

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Flux_My_Capacitor@reddit

I’m cracking up at the idea of a piss disc scar. 😂

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RamenRoy@reddit

The CD dude from Hellraiser but piss discs.

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salientconspirator@reddit

Yep, sounds like something from Rick and Morty.

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rilly_in@reddit

Frozen piss spheres shot out of a paintball gun.

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Zaddycake@reddit

Is 12 too young for a taser?

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HoxhasDeadbeatDad@reddit

Create some kind of social media account in his name, and start talking shit to all the 16 year old's in the neighborhood.

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CelticGaelic@reddit

Alternatively, OP could set the kid up on some dates with members of the North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes.

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HoxhasDeadbeatDad@reddit

Or cut up his parents and put them in a chili, and then feed the kid the chili at a chili cookoff where the whole town watches him cry uncontrollably.

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PapagenoRed@reddit

And drink the tears of the bully..

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ambigymous@reddit

Lmao

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Snicklefraust@reddit

Truly unethical!! This is what o.p. came here for!

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StandDisastrous4271@reddit

I had a similar situation with my younger brother, who like to post video game streams on YouTube. Some kid was harassing him at school and online, commenting slurs on the posts. My brother and his friends couldn't get the bully to stop, and eventually notified the school, but nothing was done. We contacted the bully's parents, but nothing changed.

Then one day my brother was in a choir concert, and after the concert (when all of the families and students are in the hall taking pictures) my brother pointed at the kid and said "that's who's bullying me online." Mind you, the bully was right in the middle of taking pictures with his family, holding flowers and whatnot. I marched right up to him, interrupting the pictures, and said "so you're the kid bullying my younger brother? What's that about?" The kid look scared asf and his dad came up to me and asked what the problem was. When I explained, the dad looked embarrassed/shocked, but didn't say much.

It wasn't until after the concert when we were walking to our cars that we saw the dad verbally reaming the kid out in the parking lot. I think what got to him was the public humiliation since many other students and parents saw the entire thing go down.

Needless to say, that bully didn't bother my brother anymore, snd it made other kids afraid to bully my brother because he had a "scary sister." TLDR: embarrass the kid and their parents publicly. Kids can be so mean--I really hope the situation with your sister finds a good and quick resolution.

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BigWhiteDog@reddit

You are my hero! 🤣

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LongHairedKnight@reddit

Convince your parent(s) to sign your little sister up for martial arts. Also help her learn other self defence strategies like situational awareness, avoiding conflict, evasion, etc. She should be able to defend herself when no one is there to protect her.

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Awesome_hospital@reddit

For now just teach her how to kick him square in the nuts

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egg360@reddit

This is the answer right here. My one true bully in my life was my father and the moment I got good at wrestling he realized he could never raise a hand at me again.

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Money-Ad-1914@reddit

Simple and fast acting response is to 'hire' a larger older bully...Fire with fire and all that...

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Bitter-Iron8468@reddit

Go outside and water your lawn. Wen you see him "accidently" lose control of your hose a and spray him. Oops

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wishesandhopes@reddit

This but with a piss hose

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ambigymous@reddit

“R Kelly’s doo doo butter”

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skyst@reddit

In your mind, what exactly is a piss hose and how does it work? Or is it just your dick?

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Dr_Peuss@reddit

The other end is in a huge bucket of elephant piss. No wait, it’s a well-watered elephant’s dick!🐘💦💦💦

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wishesandhopes@reddit

Its nothing, I was joking

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jta156@reddit

I don’t think you can point that at a child

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Actual_Doughnut9248@reddit

Ok you def cab.. it just sends the wrong impression..

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bars2021@reddit

or with piss (frisbee) disks

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SomethingWithMittens@reddit

Ooooh yea, and everytime and when no one is looking, just enough to get him wet pants and then spread a pissy mc peepee rumour.

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Bitter-Iron8468@reddit

Yup lol

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Soft-Entertainer-907@reddit

yeah as another comment said your family is suspect number one. you got any family that are minors that you could ask or even pay to gang up on the kid? family is more likely to accept and not run off with the money.

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yourfriend_charlie@reddit

Could try half up front, rest after the deed

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41VirginsfromAllah@reddit

Misread and thought the last word was “dead” I was thinking this comment section took a quick turn

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Headology_Inc@reddit

hire a 13 year old to convince the kid your sister is off-limits

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AgreeableShopping4@reddit

Very much an older sibling or a cousin that’s a gang banger kind of situation

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m4cksfx@reddit

"Which finger do you like the least?"

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41VirginsfromAllah@reddit

I see you never met Trent Boyett

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Any-Practice-991@reddit

This is probably the most effective way to go.

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Biker_OverHeaven@reddit

Doxx the kid’s address under a throwaway account/fake identity and blackmail the kid

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ofimes2671@reddit

Love the enthusiasm, but not much to gain from doxxing a 12 yo.

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Sumoki_Kuma@reddit

Dude, have you been online lately?

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cheesenuggets2003@reddit

12 to end of life is a long time (unless the use of his information makes him an hero).

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MadLabRat-@reddit

Bonus points if you do it in a competitive Counter-Strike lobby after playing like shit.

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MadLabRat-@reddit

Sign the parents up for Scientology and a visit from the Mormons.

Are they in a Home Owner's Association? Get a copy of their by-laws and report every minor offense.

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Gltmastah@reddit

Nah we want the little shit scared, not suicided-by-cop

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Reddit_Is_Hot_Shite2@reddit

don't mind either

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TexterMorgan@reddit

Dork ass edge lord

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Reddit_Is_Hot_Shite2@reddit

sounds like a 9 year old found Reddit again!

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Sumoki_Kuma@reddit

I miss being able to use hyperbole and generally being a self aware cringey edgelord without the Children Social Justice League jumping down our throats.

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marialchemist@reddit

Give your kid sister pepper spray. Tell her the next time that little fuck touches her, spray that lil assholes eyes into smithereens. Also teach her basic boxing, judo and BJJ skills especially guillotine or rear naked choke

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misinformedjackson@reddit

Hire an extremely tough looking actor. Or a thespian bikie. He needs a scar on his face. This should happen at night whilst said shit is making his way home from the grocery store. Bikie needs a strong German accent. Or Russian. Your choice. Shit approaches our bikie, Victor (Victor pronounces it Wictor)

‘For how long you wet your bed?’ Shit freezes unsure how to respond. ‘Wictor ask you Kvestion boy. Tell. How long you piss your bed?’ Shit tries to leave. Wictor stands in his way. A cold wind blows through them both. Wictor doesn’t blink. I can see your dreams. It is around your eyes. Red, stained, Roslein rot. I see how you treat people. Stop now or I rape all you love. Including your fish. Bikie then pretends to cough turning his back slightly whilst drinking out of a bottle. Inside contains black squid ink noodles. Our bikie turns and lets said noodles ooze foul from his mouth. He, through gritted teeth then says- ‘I’m watching you. If you don’t comply I make you piss in your unterhose. Understand?

Our bikie leaves with a slight but menacing limp. Reciting Shakespeare in Deutsche.

Darkness…..

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Nedonomicon@reddit

Start a weird and terrible rumour about the kid

In your school parents group pick the biggest gossip and tell them about the bullying and that you actually feel sorry for the kid because you heard from his parents that he was diagnosed with a micropenis recently , swear that one parent to secrecy and let nature take its course , tell no one else this story let the gossip do you work and it will spread like wildfire

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exceive@reddit

This is the way.

Also send them an envelope marked "test results" with the return address of "The Center for Embarrassing Diseases." Doesn't have to be anything inside the envelope.

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Practical-Giraffe-84@reddit

Do you have 35 dollars. File a small claims case against the parents to start paying for your kids therapy.

Or is there a BACA in your area. TGive them a call and they may all show up to escort your daughter home and then drive by the bullies house. And have a talk with the parents that this is a unacceptable behavior.

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spinonesarethebest@reddit

Sign your daughter up for BJJ.

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inide@reddit

Get a big dog, walk with it and your sister near him. Be sure to warn him that its very protective and he shouldnt approach.
Put a muzzle on it for effect, and use a heavy chain
Tell your sister to threaten to get the dog whenever he causes trouble

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exceive@reddit

A noticably defective muzzle.

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DogsDucks@reddit

How about faking a whole media piece?

To actually get the parents’ attention in a way that matters, as well as to perhaps even teach the kid a lesson. . . .

You are now a freelance journalist working for a new publication called:

“EAT” (Education in America Today).

You can write a press release about whatever new publication/ platform and publish it on a number of sites that solely do “press release releases” and give it a short searchable footprint.

“An amalgamation of up and coming journalists and academics have teamed up for positive change.

An explosion of data and depth that takes a look at what makes us tick. . . . And how to avoid education bombs.

Stay on the lookout for our first edition, INSERT TITLE, expected to launch this Spring, featuring videos, articles, interviews . . . “

OP, it seems like you’re young, so in your position, you’d act as if you’ve been selected as one of their “new generation of journalists,” and SUCH an honor to be selected.

You were selected based on a pitch you wrote, something like:

“The Ethics of Apathy: Millennial Parents who DGAF”

Or

“A Case Study on Cruelty: How John B. Bully’s upbringing can teach a generation what NOT to do.”

Explain to his parents that their indifference inspired you to help make a difference! So he/they are now going to be featured in articles/web documentaries.

Treat it like you’re doing research for the project.

Make some questionnaires, encourage people to try and film his cruelty. Make it known that you’re doing a project on how shitty upbringings foster toxic behavior, leading to misery, destruction, societal decay, and he is the star.

Basically a very in depth name and shame campaign that looks legitimate. It would be a decent amount of work, but you could also actually use it to inspire the parents to want to be better?

Idk if this is outlandish and im babbling, I am up late and miserable with a fever currently, and this might actually be a stupid idea. I just hate what that kid is doing so much!

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exceive@reddit

I'm thinking that the parents might point out that there are privacy laws. Block that by (before they bring it up) saying that of course it's all going to be anonymous, with faces, names, addresses, etc blurred out.

But give them reason to think that you think you are good at keeping secrets, but actually you have no data security game at all. Like you are going to sincerely do your best, but last time you did something like this you blurred the address but didn't realize the address was also in the exif data, or didn't notice a street sign or maybe some iconic building in the background. Maybe arrange to have them overhear somebody yelling at you, or some mutual acquaintance warns them about your sloppy data handling.

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onecovfefeplease@reddit

Unethical but within legal boundaries? My best suggestion is to just post a photo of him all over town with the caption "My name is [first last] and I hit girls."

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Abystract-ism@reddit

“I hit girls…because I’m too chickenshit to hit boys my size”

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attractive_nuisanze@reddit

This is the answer!!!

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smellybathroom3070@reddit

See if you hadn’t contacted his family, as a fellow older sibling i’d say you push him over and make sure he gets the message. You fuck with my siblings you’re fair game. However, now i think your best bet is threatening getting lawyers involved to his parents.

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iDiow@reddit

Bottle of water with something like a little bit of glycerine or odorleess oil mixed in. ( to leave a nice stain even when dried)
Aim for the boy's crotch
Tell everyone he peed himself
Let the shame destroy him

This is my alternative to piss disk in this case !

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Panda_Pants87@reddit

Look up True Detectives Season 2 Bully scene

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Actual_Doughnut9248@reddit

Create a social media profile of a 12 yo girl and catfish him

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mrgoldnugget@reddit

Hire someone with a windowless van to kidnap him and drag him into a dirty shack in the woods. Tie him up leave him there for about 5 or 6 hours. Then have another person come along, find him, let the thoughts of being free flood his head. Then the second person gets crazy smile and tells him that "Your my toy now." Drag him back into a windowless van, drive around for 3 hours or so and then ditch him at a park somewhere.... I may of gone too far with this.

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Hot_Baker4215@reddit

You can always hire a hobo and just "See what happens"

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ShrewSkellyton@reddit

your sister might need to employ "mean girl" style tactics if he keeps coming around her. The danger with this is you can't really ever turn it off once you start :<

I used to say things like "wait why are your teeth so yellow?" "you have this really huge booger hanging from your nose" lol stuff like that. They might escalate in the moment but they tend to stay away from you after. Maybe it proves something to them, who knows

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PuNEEoH@reddit

File a protective order. Get police involved. Spending time in juvenile detention or sitting at jail for a few hours for a po violation might set him straight.

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a-lonely-panda@reddit

Go all TV older sibling on him. Find him, drag him off to the side, push him up against a wall, and say if he doesn't leave your little sister alone from now on you'll make his life miserable in whatever way.

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Lonely_Coast1400@reddit

Make sure the school complaints your family has made are in writing. They usually aren’t, it’s all words and can’t be proven or collected for future reference without the form. And I don’t mean your family’s writing, I mean make sure the school officially files a bullying report which should be found in your school district handbook online. Read your school district’s policy on bullying, forms, filings and mandatory follow through steps. The forms are usually signed by the superintendent and in many districts, these forms should be addressed at school board meetings. Most parents don’t know to ask for the form and most don’t know the actual school policy. File one every chance you get, every infraction both on and off campus. Ask for the copies. Present them to the next school board meeting and ask WTF they aren’t protecting the girl. School board meetings are often televised or at least on a live feed. Ask to speak, forms in hand. Attend every meeting til They take action. Not unethical but schools hate the forms. Make them use it. It’s a paper trail.

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tr3ysap@reddit

Call CPS

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Gorpachev@reddit

Go watch the Korean Netflix drama "The Glory". Essentially train night and day from here on out to become his HS teacher and make his life a living hell. If not enough time, keep training and become his kids teacher. Then commence with the living hell part. Bonus points for starting an affair with the Mom!

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Kakkahousu6000@reddit

My 14yrs old cousin was bullied by one asshole kid but it stopped when i told the kid i could not do anything to him but next time i’d come to their house and beat the fuck out of his dad and make him watch. Definitely not the smartest thing but it worked

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mapleleaffem@reddit

How old are you? If you’re an adult there’s nothing you can do directly. Too risky. If you’re a juvenile you can definitely threaten the little fucker. My sister did it for me when I was 12 and she was 16 but we are old. You could get away with shit like that then. Nowadays I hate to say it but start reporting all of it to the police so it’s documented

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Mission_Spray@reddit

In seventh grade, my friend was getting bullied by a boy in eighth grade as they both walked home from school. She came from a tight-knit Samoan family with lots and lots of aunties, uncles, and cousins. And I’m not sure how familiar you are with Samoan people, but they’re not petite, and they’re covered in awesome tattoos (“tattoo” is a Samoan word).

One day after school, every one of her family members showed up outside the school, and all along the walking path the bully took to get home, and stared him down. They didn’t follow him. They didn’t harass him. The just stared at him. All. The. Way. Home.

He left her alone after that.

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jxryd@reddit

Pay some kids to beat him up

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TYO_HXC@reddit

You and a couple of mates. Dark clothes. Balaclavas. Follow the little cunt home one night and surround him when you get the chance. Tell him that you heard a rumour that he's a woman-beater, and that the Vigilantes don't fuck with that shit. Tell him that the last person who you dealt with for this kind of shit ended up never being able to walk properly again. Tell him you know where he lives and you'll be watching. Bonus points if you have a knife or bar to wave around threateningly.

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robseplex@reddit

Give the kid drugs for free until he becomes addicted and spirals and dies.

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Miserable-Win-6402@reddit

Hire some big guy/biker type. Let him just talk to the kid and explain to him that there's now a reward for breaking one of his limbs every time your sister complains about harassment.

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Candid-Indication369@reddit

Pay another bully his age to kick his ass

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trixter69696969@reddit

Hire a big 15-16 year old to kick his ass. Have him explain what would happen if he tried his shit again.

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Pensacola_Peej@reddit

Sometimes it sucks to have to be a decent, law abiding, high-road taking individual. Can’t do anything to solve an injustice because there will inevitably be consequences that work out in the offending parties advantage. The only (legal) option I can think of would be to consult an attorney, especially since the abuse has gone physical surely there is something that can be done legally. Hopefully against the kid and his parents. I sincerely hope you can work this out and he leaves your sister alone. Getting bullied sucks and children are honestly well and truly fucking awful sometimes.

Lizard brain says choke the fuck out of the little shit lol.

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KingdomOfFluffyButts@reddit

Piss puck

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yourfriend_charlie@reddit

Fuck his mom

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kosmogore@reddit

"you're adopted, your parents don't even love you"

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prombloodd@reddit

The consensus is we draw the line at kids.

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saggerk@reddit

Unethical? Use AI to create nudes of his parents and tell your kid that you slept with his mom/dad. And to have her share them with their friend group. He's going not live that one down for years.

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beigs@reddit

I’d go legal in this case, in the lawful kind of way. Get a lawyer. Go to the police and the school with every single incident. Document everything. Build a case.

This will make the harassment / protection order much more fun, especially if it comes with a distance where he’s not allowed to be near your sister. Like the school.

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Jim-Jones@reddit

I has a boss who would get the kid alone and tell him he (boss) would kill him if he did it again. But with phones recording everything that's probably a really bad idea now.

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spellboundartisan@reddit

Catfish him. Get screenshots of the communications. Goad him into saying vile,. sexual things but do not respond to it.

Pretend like you want to go over to his house and meet his parents. Show up and reveal the comments he made to his parents.

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HoxhasDeadbeatDad@reddit

Can't wait for OP to meet Chris Hansen.

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Kokojijo@reddit

Time to pluck the ass hair and get police involved, now - no warnings, no next time - immediately. He assaulted her, it’s escalated and ongoing. Little shit (and mom and dad shit) need a visit from the police at their house. Oh what will the neighbors think? Might light a fire under their assess to get the kids in line.

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SayAgain_REEEEEEE@reddit

Find a kid that does wrestling or some type of martial arts and pay him to beat that kids ass

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superduperhosts@reddit

Piss disc in his backpack

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Trishlovesdolphins@reddit

You don’t do anything. Call the cops and let them scare the shit out of him.

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Griffinej5@reddit

Yeah. Just call the cops on this kid. Let them scare him.
Or any chance he did something that might warrant a title IX investigation. Anything that might be considered sexual harassment? My friend’s kindergartener was investigated for this because an older brother hid some porn in a book the little kid brought to school. He showed the book to a friend, friend the saw pictures. An entire investigation had to occur. This little shit ever make a dick comment, or anything sexual in nature?

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DeanTheAdmin@reddit

Honestly going to the school yourself and just burtaly roasting that kid infront of his entire class might be your best option

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deleted_by_reddit@reddit

[removed]

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Zenwarz@reddit

In case u got the phone number of either. Well invested couple bucks

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Shepherd77@reddit

self immolate at his birthday party

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poopybutt69l@reddit

Catfish and blackmail with nudes

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ThatFuckingTwat@reddit

This is the best suggestion - get a burner phone, set up a fake insta with a model, coerce nudes from the kid and drive him to suicide with blackmail.

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PredatorInc@reddit

Holy shit…

First off… you know have pedo material. Fuck that shit, that will be way worse than just beating the kids ass yourself.

Just pull up to the house, kid/dad answers, tell them to get the other one. Both present. Beat the shit out of the dad, tell the kid, this shit is gonna keep happening till you stop.

Saw it on some show, figure that should work.

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blasphemusa@reddit

Consult a lawyer or police and let them deal with. May cost some money, but you don't have to deal with assholes....lawyers do. The lawyer should even contact the school. A school may fear litigation and actually do something about it if a lawyer contacts them.

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SexMachine666@reddit

Get another friend, preferably someone wide and large.

Grab the kid and take him for a ride into the country. Sit him in between the two of you.

Don't say a word to him. Just have a conversation with your friend about how you plan to deal with a kid who keeps picking on your daughter. Be explicit about burying him up to his neck in the woods where no one will hear his screams.

He should be shitting bricks. Then ask him if he'd like a chance to avoid that scenario. He'll happily agree.

Take him back to where you grabbed him and tell him to never even look at your daughter again.

Profit.

🤣 Legal caveat:

Yeah, this is beyond unethical and definitely criminal but it's worked for me before... at least with adults. 🤷 I've never done this with a kid before, lol, but I imagine the fear would be multiplied.

For context, me and friend scared the shit out of a guy who was stalking a friend of my ex-wife so he totally deserved to be scared straight.

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SweetSpot211@reddit

Take a sock full of quarters and have a chat with him.

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BathroomInner2036@reddit

If you know someone that could smack him about a bit that would sort it out. Failing that plan a careful beating for him yourself.