Leaving Spain to stay with my parents in USA. Trying to come up with a long-term plan
Posted by freezingazzoff@reddit | expats | View on Reddit | 16 comments
Hi all. I (24 F, American) need advice from people who might understand my situation. I know that no one can make any decisions for me. I just need advice that takes into account all of the complexities of the situation.
I have been living in Spain since 2021 and it has had big ups and downs. I was doing the english language assistant program for two years which was honestly unfulfilling for me and then dedicated my third year here to finishing my master’s.
In Spain there are very few jobs in my chosen field (educational psychology) and I think if I wanted to stay long term I’d need to change paths to practice a different form of psychology that is more employable here, which would require at least one more year of full time studying (to do the PIR exam) or getting a different master. Economically, being here has been a struggle, as I have student loans from the US that I can’t pay right now. Also, side note, my partner is unwilling to throw his medical career away to go work in the US, which would require him to redo his medical residency..
Right now I am unemployed with no papers and have to go back to the US no matter what to not overstay my tourist visa. Me and my partner aren’t married nor have we done “pareja de hecho”.
The only things I really have left for me back home are family and good opportunities to make money in my current field. However, my family guilts me for leaving in the first place. I feel like I don’t fit into my small, conservative midwestern town and have few friends left. I feel like most everyone is a miserable workaholic and I don’t want to end up like them. My family is already suspicious about me wanting to come back to Spain someday and wanting to leave some of my belongings behind with my partner. When I talk to them about coming back to Spain they use against me the difficulties I’ve experienced and the unemployment, etc. They have never even tried to come here and visit me, not even once, and have literally no knowledge of life here. My mom is the only one who supports me unconditionally but I know me leaving forever would break her heart.
No matter which country I choose, someone will get hurt. I want to find my long-term place in the world and ideally stay with my partner but I don’t want to be broke, unemployed or doing unfulfilling english teaching. I also don’t want to deal with the constant guilty conscience of leaving and feeling “selfish”. All things considered, what should I do moving forward?
atropear@reddit
I used to go back and forth from Spain to US before settling full time in Europe. My family wasn't exactly happy about it but I was back there every few months. I worked on the US economy and I'm glad I did. I have European friends who moved to Spain and are having financial struggles if they didn't buy a flat (or lost it in a divorce). English language teaching/translating is a shrinking field from what I hear over beers. Maybe explore having your financial life in the US and living in EU if you are good with money/business. And pay all taxes owed in both places.
freezingazzoff@reddit (OP)
Good points. Definitely I will not be relocating in the future without solid savings, especially if I chose to come back to Spain, given the current economic circumstances
atropear@reddit
To get good input you should try to find 10 older expats living in Spain who are willing to be completely open about their experiences. It's worth the effort if you are making a bold move like this. And maybe go in and talk to social security administration. That is the least considered aspect and should be looked at first IMHO. If you never get into a pension system in any country it can be a real problem down the road.
freezingazzoff@reddit (OP)
Oh that’s actually really true. I have no clue how that works and will look into that before making any big decisions. Thank you!!
samaparicio@reddit
freezingazzoff@reddit (OP)
These are great points. I will need to do some reflecting about the risks vs. rewards about living here. I find it less socially fulfilling in my experience but more fulfilling in other ways, mainly referring to the quality of life (affordable education, healthcare, food quality, security, strong democracy, etc.) and opportunities to explore and travel. Economically it’s a downgrade but all I really want is stability and having my basic needs met
RexManning1@reddit
You’re not a failure because you have to go back. This isn’t uncommon. Especially for those who emigrate at such a young age. You still have lots of years remaining in your life. Come back. Get a job in a city you don’t mind being in temporarily. Regroup. Save. Then figure out the next move.
freezingazzoff@reddit (OP)
Good advice, thank you!!
Wiscodoggo5494@reddit
Hi! I was also born and raised in the Midwest so I understand exactly what you mean. I now live in NYC, which feels like the best place in the US for me. However, I have wanted to live in France for a long time but like you, I cannot work there (my actual field doesn’t exist). I’m at the other end of my career however… so I’m giving advice from that point in life. I’ve traveled all over Europe and love that lifestyle but having a fulfilling career and enough money to live a great life is also important to me. My personal advice is to come back to the US, pay off your loans and continue with the career you trained for. It’s hard to say what will come in the next 4 years with this awful political situation over here, but my overall view is that the US is for career aspirations and making money and Europe is for enjoying a better lifestyle. That being said, I’m moving to France next year for a while. I’m not retirement age yet but I can financially afford to do it for a bit (and also within visa restrictions). My ultimate plan is to retire there… because I will have made enough money in the US to do so. It’s a really hard decision!! But just thought I’d share my experience in case it helps. Good luck!
freezingazzoff@reddit (OP)
That’s good advice. I think I might end up doing the same as you, depending on how my career goes in the US. Thank you!!
Salt_Criticism9263@reddit
OK, here’s my attempt. First thing is first. You need to prioritize what you want whatever that means you need to sit and think about that.
If you want to make money and have a flourishing career understand that Spain will probably not be the place to do this in your field .
If you are OK, making less money and want to enjoy quality of life traveling and maybe Spain is the spot
But what is the priority for you? I’m gonna tell you right now and I don’t even know you I am 100% sure you do not wanna go back to the Midwest especially with how conservative we’re about to get a nation in the next four years.
If you want to make money and have a flourishing career, suck it up and move to a blue state where you can be a short flight from your family, but you are making money. Remember why you are making money there has to be a goal.
ExcuseMeNobody@reddit
This. Also notice how your partner won't throw away his medical career to move? That's not being selfish, that's a healthy choice to make. Don't necessarily base your decision too much on staying with your partner. Relationships fall apart and you're left to deal with what's left. If you're really meant to be, do long distance for a few years or figure out an arrangement
freezingazzoff@reddit (OP)
That’s a good point. We have agreed to try distance before creating any future plans together, but basically everything is riding on me deciding where I want to be, unfortunately. On the other hand though, I can’t blame him for now wanting to suffer another 5+ years of exploitation for crap pay, while being overqualified for it.
SeanBourne@reddit
Will add on to this, it’s not just throwing away his medical career - a rigorous residency is like being hazed. Having to re-do that (especially as an older person)… it’s not just that he’s prioritizing his career (which fine and valid), but more that it might just physically be too much at this stage in his life.
freezingazzoff@reddit (OP)
My state, Illinois, is blue but my county and the surrounding areas are really red. The quality of life is better in Spain, no doubt. What I need in my life at this moment is some stability honestly because I’m tired of being broke and struggling but also I’m not liking how dark things are turning politically back home
AwkPenguinAwk@reddit
Ireland has a massive shortage of Educational Psychologists and may be a good ticket to employment and an EU passport/citizenship/residence path.